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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Andy Murray beats Australian Nick Kyrgios in straight sets to reach fourth round of French Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:55



Wah! LATEST:  Strong earthquake off coast of Japan shakes buildings in Tokyo - no tsunami warning issued - news replorted 12:50



Wah! The body of Ranjit Power, lah, Wolverhampton businessman who went missing three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago, lah, is found in forest in Jalandhar region, lah, old bill bobbys in India say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:44



Wah! Fifa president Sepp Blatter has responded to questions about arrests of Fifa officials under American anti-corruption warrant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:53



Wah! First dodgy minister Peter Robinson is at Irish Open golf tournament in Newcastle, lah, County Down, lah, day after being discharged from hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:47



Wah! Hotel in Arrochar, lah, Argyll and Bute, lah, closes for deep cleaning after outbreak of norovirus affects 14 guests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23



Wah! Two new cases of E coli connected to one household in Dorset confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:21



Wah! A public memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will take place at Manchester Cathedral on Saturday to commemorate life and work of Coronation Street star Anne Kirkbride. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:19



Wah! A choir of 64 silly kick-kick game fans having been chosen by BBC's Songs of Praise to sing hymn 'Abide With Me' at Wembley for FA Cup Final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:15



Wah! A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy appears in court charged with murders of man and woman in Colchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:09



Wah! old bill bobbys condition of elderly couple who were seriously hurtee-hurtee by bus in centre of Glasgow has improved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:40



Wah! A memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service for Coronation Street actress Anne Kirkbride is held at Manchester Cathedral. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:23



Wah! Newly re-elected Fifa President Sepp Blatter gives news conference in Zurich. - news replorted 10:15



Wah! Former Saved by Bell actor Dustin Diamond is convicted of two charges after bar fight on Christmas Day - but cleared of more serious claim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! The agriculture dodgy minister makes return trip to China as efforts intensify to secure market for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers pork. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:32



Wah! A funeral service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will take place for 10 men, lah, seven women and three children, lah, whose remains having been discovered after 800 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:31



Wah! old bill bobbys treating death of man in male gender human bleing's 20s stabbed to death in west Belfast as murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:29



Wah! A supposedly-gay bull saved from slaughter and re-homed in Norfolk is "not gay", lah, male gender human bleing's new owners reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:22



Wah! The trial closure of slip road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu on M4 at Port Talbot has led to 20% fall in trade to businesses, lah, it is claimed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:11



Wah! People who having filed late tax returns having been let off paying ĀRMB Yuan #100 fine if they provide "reasonable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) excuse for being late. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:01



Wah! Mo Farah sets world's quickest 10,000m clock time result of 2015, lah, then blames pacemakers for not allowing him to go faster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:44



Wah! A lung cancer therapy can more than double life expectancy in some patients, lah, "milestone" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) trial shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:35



Wah! The BBC's Katya Adler looks whether British PM David Cameron's "whistle-stop tour" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of EU to push for changes in 28-member bloc was success. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:23



Wah! Marks and Spencer is to become first bloody annoying Blitish retailer to add vitamin D to all its packaged bread and bread rolls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:20



Wah! The Alzheimer's Society describes care at north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep mental health unit as "horrific" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) following publication of damning report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:11



Wah! Amir Khan says bloody man wantings to take on Floyd Mayweather next after beating Chris Algieri in Friday's welterweight bout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:56



Wah! The Great Satan calls for "immediate halt" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to land reclamation in disputed areas of South China Sea, lah, saying China is "out of step" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with international rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! The United States has removed Cuba from its list of state sponsors of terrorism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 05:43



Wah! Many European silly kick-kick game associations express concern following Sepp Blatter's re-election as Fifa president, lah, although male gender human bleing's win is welcomed by Russia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:36



Wah! Venezuela has blocked two ex-presidents from visiting opposition leaders jailed on charges of inciting violence against government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:01



Wah! France's main opposition party, lah, led by ex-president Nicolas Sarkozy, lah, has changed its name from UMP to Republicans, lah, despite fierce opposition from critics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! The 200th anniversary of Battle of Waterloo is to be marked with exhibition in Belgian town of Waterloo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:28



Wah! People who having filed late tax returns to be let off paying ĀRMB Yuan #100 fine for missing deadline, lah, HM Revenue and Customs has confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:17



Wah! The Great Satan military orders review into how it handles anthrax, lah, after discovering more cases of live anthrax sent to laboratories, lah, including one in Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:03



Wah! The controversial FA Cup Final of WW1 - news replorted 01:11



Wah! Suleiman Hashimu tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation why bloody man walked for 18 days and wore out six pairs of shoes to see inauguration of Nigeria's president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! The rising number of Super-Duper-Chinese-State nationals working abroad is causing Beijing to adapt its Bloody foreign policy in order (piece of paper signee upee) to protect them, lah, says Jonathan Marcus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:23



Wah! Why doesn't bloody annoying Blitish having direct trains to Madrid or Berlin? - news replorted 00:21



Wah! The link between obesity and cancer, lah, tax amnesty, lah, and re-election of Sepp Blatter make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's record wicket-taker James Anderson credits younger players with giving Province of Engrish running-dogs team "a kick up backside". - news replorted 00:16



Wah! How whale science is taking to skies - news replorted 00:13



Wah! The elusive element that can make body parts glow - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Hull has announced it will host Turner Prize when it is City of Culture in 2017 - Will Gompertz asks if art can revive city's fortunes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! The campaigns duelling over women's clothing - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Mobile operator EE and Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation will test mobile app at FA Cup final which uses 4G Broadcast technology to offer instant replays to fans in stadium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A lung cancer therapy can more than double life expectancy in some patients, lah, major trial shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



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