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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Mercedes E-Class Saloon 2.1 BlueTEC 16v (174bhp) E220 SE Saloon 4dr 2143cc Diesel at £430.80 inc VAT at 11:12 yesterday - Ling
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Are you expecting to find some customer moans?

Think again!

However, I do allow website visitors to moan (before I shout at you or give you a thump). Sometimes moaning is good. Sometimes valid.
Below are moans... to add a moan, fill in the form.

Are you sure you wanna moan?
Think carefully before moaning.
If you are shrinking violet, take care!
Your Name:
Email (kept secret):
Your Moan Title:
Tell me your Moan:
  Keep it succinct, I can't bear to read long moans... and please note I persecute idiots :)
If moan is valid, I will act on it.

I am Ling! You can trust me!
Web Visitor Moans...

From:  RALPH moans...
Date:  08/05/14
Moan:  "I wish I were in the UK, and needed a car, just so that I could rent from you."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ralph, so do I... I desperately need a customer who won't moan like hell :) Apply a visa today, I will write letter of support. - Ling




From:  Simon moans...
Subject:  Diesel
Date:  29/04/14
Moan:  " This is a petrol model, not a diesel as listed.... I was going to sue you over it but then realised how great you are and decided not to."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Right, at last, a valid moan. You should be more careful which cars you click on, nit :) - Ling




From:  jack smith moans...
Subject:  Moans
Date:  26/04/14
Moan:  "My favourite thing about your site is your nuclear missile truck. Because I enjoy blowing you up. Oh ya - does that game ever end??? Also, I sent for a pin AGES* ago, and have not yet received it. WHY? DO YOU NOT HAVE GOOD SHIPPING? (*20 minutes ago.) One last thing - in your quiz, some of your answers are WRONG! I demand that you fix this. Or else…. One last thing: thanks for getting my teacher annoyed MAJORLY. He said that he would fail anyone who wrote such a website. You can contact him at: "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmmmm, not sure if this is a valid moan, but I have emailed your teacher: "Teacher Rob, Hello, this is Ling in the UK. It has come to my attention that you have said you will fail any of your students who write a website like mine. Hmm. Maybe I should point out that my website makes more money than (probably) all the teachers in your school, combined (while I an bed, asleep). I demand that you stand in front of your class and apologise to everyone, especially the excellent anonymous student Mr/Ms Storrier. C'est la vie. I added that because I think it's the law that in Canada every email should contain a bit of French. If you give me the class address, I will send a selection of badges for the brightest students who clearly recognise my greatness." - Ling




From:  Web Design Skills moans...
Date:  25/04/14
Moan:  "We at Adam Notes, Inc are website designers, using coding or other methods. In our opinion, you NEED a new website. We would be willing to take you on as a client. For this website, based on our current rates and the time estimated to fix this place (all 200 pages) is $29,345.98. If you would like to take us up on our offer (please do, Ling. You owe it to yourself), contact us! Jay Head of Sales Adam Notes"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Adam, there is no way I would want such a cheap website from you. You have no idea of the sophistication of the hidden customer aspect of my website, which is the most successful in the UK car leasing industry. I am so glad you use coding and other methods. Hope your other methods include crystal meth, you would need it! But, thanks for the offer. - Ling




From:  James Sandy moans...
Subject:  Uh, as I said
Date:  23/04/14
Moan:  "Your website isn't very good, as I said. I think you should get another job, like I said."
Ling's View  REPLY:  James, my website is the best in the World, like I said. It has won many awards, like I said. It is the most profitable in the UK car leasing industry, like I said. You are still talking shit, like I said. - Ling




From:  Bruce Wayne moans...
Subject:  Batmobile?
Date:  19/04/14
Ling's View  REPLY:  I do not list batmobiles as they attract a certain stupid kind of customer. And Robin gets very jealous. So sorry. - Ling




From:  The Doctor moans...
Subject:  Your attitude
Date:  08/04/14
Moan:  "I do not appreciate the attitude toward your haters. I believe that the way you react toward them is unprofessional. And the anti-american comments are getting out of hand too. (I am not American, so don't insult me for that) "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Oh please... if I could hit haters with a baseball bat (so Americans understand the hitting object) I would, but I can't. So... - Ling




From:  PENIS LICKER moans...
Subject:  You web site is ad?
Date:  29/03/14




From:  Abraham Limpo moans...
Subject:  No automusic, please!
Date:  27/03/14
Moan:  "Hey, your website is an inspiration for us! I am making all my employees to study it, and not as a punishment! But, three complains. The first one is that this website is a timesink and now we spend too much time "studying it" and not so much time doing work. You need to make it more boring so we can go back to work. The second one is the autoplay: Although the singing is amusing, I lost too much time trying to find how to stop the video. Maybe you could set not to repeat at least, or to cycle automatically between the songs, so we can keep the page open as soundtrack for our office? The third one is obvious... you need to export this model to more countries! The world needs more Ling!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Abraham... well 1. get a life, 2. I will consider the cycle, 3. No export! I am Blitish! Thanks so much for comments. - Ling




From:  Hope moans...
Subject:  Make me laugh
Date:  02/02/14
Moan:  "Can you make me laugh with your reply to this moan... I love you Ling please give me a smart-ass answer that will make my crappy day :)"
Ling's View  REPLY:  No smart-ass reply, because this isn't a moan. Sorry. - Ling




From:  Josiah moans...
Subject:  I work in the Auto Website Industry ...
Date:  24/01/14
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is not a moan, so doesn't qualify for reply! - Ling




From:  Ching Chong moans...
Subject:  lol
Date:  15/12/13
Moan:  "lol ur website is bad and you should feel bad. Wing wong spring roll"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ah, another mildly racist comment. Idiots, come to me. I will laugh at your idiot-ness. - Ling




From:  Chris moans...
Subject:  Interactive functionality
Date:  05/11/13
Moan:  "Can I request that the Scottish guy dances whenever the 'Taunt' button is pressed? At present, pressing the taunt button proves fruitless."
Ling's View  REPLY:  The Scottish guy, called GUY, is far too busy moaning and eating kebabs and deep-fried confectionery. So sorry. - Ling




From:  Ben Dover moans...
Subject:  MOAN
Date:  05/11/13
Moan:  "Although your website is readable the taunt Guy button doesn't annoy Guy. MAKE IT WORK!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Guy is now immune to the Proclaimers. I need another annoying taunt, I know this. Thinking about it. Ta. - Ling




From:  Dave moans...
Subject:  wow u aint even swag
Date:  31/10/13
Moan:  "wow ur website is bad wow y cant u build decent website wow"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmmm, another American child, speaking "web-speak". Do you have schools over there? - Ling




From:  Joe gray moans...
Subject:  language barriers
Date:  14/10/13
Moan:  "The language is only in english this is an issue "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Really? Not for my customers, who are from the UK. If you can't speak English, learn it. Nit. - Ling




From:  FUCK YOU LING moans...
Subject:  CUNT
Date:  07/10/13
Moan:  "Oi, i bought a fucking car from you last year and its been fucking amazing, fuck you, selling great cars i hate you, you're a scamming cunt! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Somehow, I doubt you are a wonderful customer. However, I will allow readers to make final judgement. - Ling




From:  TheKraken moans...
Subject:  Contains %50 moan...
Date:  04/09/13
Moan:  "I bet you're sick to death or people moaning about your website. The main thing that bothers me is the giant planets on the home page that cover up the car prices under it. Also, as a avid Star Wars and Star Trek fan, I find the use of Star Wars and Star Trek together rather offensive. Apart from that, I have nothing to complain about. Your service seems good, and your site is funny. P.S. I would hire a car from you but I live all the way in Australia. :)"
Ling's View  REPLY:  As you are in Australia, this moan is invalid due to being upside down. I am not sure why you think Star Wars and Star Trek use offensive? I sponsor Captain Kirk and Luke Skywalker in their adventures. That big furry bear is delicious, boiled. Click quickly to avoid the car prices being covered up :) - Ling




From:  gary jagger moans...
Subject:  contact
Date:  19/08/13
Moan:  "I cannot contact you. Please ring me about leasing . asap. 07842258565"
Ling's View  REPLY:  I am a .com, not a call centre. Try asking Amazon to ring you :) Not sure why you can't contact me... don't you have email? I will ring you after 9am, but will probably need info from you in writing (hence email or completing my quote form etc, is best). - Ling




From:  t jenkins moans...
Subject:  tryed to change quote price
Date:  26/06/13
Moan:  "I was surprised when my quote was changed half way through the order due to lings cars mistake which they when questions repeatedly put the phone down on me when I asked them shouldn€'t they stick to the price provided in the quote all I got was abuse back down the phone."
Ling's View  REPLY:  You forgot to mention, Tom, you got very indignant, threatened me with your company solicitor and demanded subsidy... and "half way through the order" translates to notifying you WITHIN AN HOUR of you placing the order for the VW Scirocco. If you had gone about this issue in a different way, I would have had more sympathy... but it is a pricing error by the VW supplier and your reaction is like a TV accident claim lawyer. It's no good being indignant and trying to get the difference for free, it is a pricing error and needs to be adjusted. I cannot proceed by subsidising it or giving you money for free. This is unfortunate, but it's happened. I have notified and adjusted as soon as I can. Please stop trying to get a subsidy, because I am not going to give one, there is no margin. I accept an error was made, but believe it or not, the law does allow for errors, and this one was spotted and adjusted quickly. It was human error by a VW supplier. Not intentional. It happens, with over 10,000 constantly changing advertised prices and quotes being run. I understand your disappointment, but you must pay the CORRECT price, not an accidental incorrect price. I do not run a compensation culture company, everyone must pay the correct price. But, again, apologies for giving you the incorrect price. Remarkably, occasionally a mistake has to be corrected. - Ling




From:  hello moans...
Subject:   dot yoursite dot com
Date:  24/06/13
Moan:  "Quality web promotion done by professionals. We have social media services like Twitter Followers and Facebook Fans, Google first page ranking services and more. We can get you to the first page of Google and increase your businesses traffic and income! Please visit: wizpromotion dot com/"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Please fuck off, you are spammy bastards. I am already on the first page of Google for sensible terms. How dare you try and promote via my website? Twats. - Ling




From:  Ethan moans...
Subject:  Only sells in the U.K
Date:  29/05/13
Moan:  "Hello, I most compliment you on your website and business. But why don't you offer the service internationally? Also, since you claim to be one of the environmentally most friendly ways of purchasing cars - do you use 'Green'/Renewable Electricity to power your severs (I'm guessing you left Connect Internet Solutions) "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ethan... "green" energy is a nonsense. Just like "green" cars. I don't offer my service internationally because I am very patriotic and only deal with people who live in the UK. Or China. I don't want bloody foreigners messing up my website. But, thanks for compliment! - Ling




From:  FUCK YOU moans...
Date:  06/05/13
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is not really a moan, but highly amusing. I need to find a way of preventing American children visiting my website. - Ling




From:  MAC moans...
Date:  14/02/13
Ling's View  REPLY:  0191 460 9444 - it is on my webpage to the right, with my address details. But, you are asking a bit much if you think my staff are human. - Ling




From:  hgh releaser review moans...
Subject:  Some Dodgy Link here
Date:  09/02/13
Moan:  "I'm typically to running a blog and i really respect your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I'm going to bookmark your site and hold checking for brand spanking new information. [DODGY LINK REMOVED]"
Ling's View  REPLY:  If you keep posting dodgy links, I'll kick your teeth in. - Ling




From:  Sceptic Hal moans...
Subject:  WHY U NO look genuine?
Date:  04/02/13
Moan:  "I spent a good 5 or 10 minutes looking for the small print and googling about this site before I discovered it was actually GENUINE! Having never heard of you or your site before (I will be watching the Dragon's Den stuff later though, thanks), I came here from via link for a DeLorean DMC - so not the most obvious of 'legimate' deals. I honestly thought this site was hilariously funny p1ss-take ... and had I not been bored, I might have dismissed it as a joke much quicker than I should have. Not a strong moan, but even so. I don't know how you can do anything about this whilst retaining the sentiment of the site. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  DeLorean *IS* a joke of course. But website is real, cars (not silly ones) are real, I am real. I post you 2kg of salt so you can take it with your web-browsing. Getting new cars should be fun, not miserable, so you need to check my website and have a click around. Enjoy it!. Note, if you look at my webcam... Dalek is not real, Kung Fu panda is not real. Just for reference :) - Ling




From:  Brian moans...
Subject:  Outstanding!!!!
Date:  03/12/12
Moan:  "Dear Ling :) I am in love with your website. It is the most entertaining and enthralling website I've ever seen. If I lived in the UK and needed a car you can be sure without a doubt I would be your customer. Well done!! I wish I could meet you one day. Your wonderful personality shines through. Keep up the great work. Brian"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Thanks Brian, but this is NOT a moan. So, you are breaking the rules of my moan page. Please can someone balance this complimentary message with a God-Awful moan? Super, thanks... - Ling




From:  Jorge Rango moans...
Subject:  Canadian Bacon
Date:  27/11/12
Moan:  "I want to see you reply in 4 minutes and 12 seconds."
Ling's View  REPLY:  I left this reply for 2 and a half months, just to make a point. What an idiot. - Ling




From:  Henry Davis moans...
Subject:  website
Date:  02/10/12
Moan:  "To the average punter - The website looks unprofessional, and like something that came out of China ten years ago, you can still make it fun, yet professional, but it's cluttered and a shrine to Ling! Customers need reassurance, not a Karaoke or the keywords people typed! Good luck the site myself, but it won't help you sell cars! Henry"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Thanks Henry... but this isn't really a MOAN, so I can't really do a snotty reply :) - Ling




From:  Jon moans...
Subject:  One finger - not two !
Date:  28/09/12
Moan:  "Live in Cape Town South Africa The dragon's Den was on this week. Pity u didn't get help ! Well done on your very active web site ! Jon - one finger"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Jon, this is not a moan!!! But thanks for comments :)) I didn't want finance, I have plenty of cash. I wanted TV exposure. That's why I went on BBC Dragons' Den. Bannatyne did want to invest, I turned him down. Twice. Great fun. - Ling




From:  priya moans...
Subject:  too much
Date:  19/09/12
Moan:  "too much colour and infomation"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Please switch your monitor to black and white, and stop scrolling down. That helps. - Ling




From:  Dan moans...
Subject:  Quiz Question 11
Date:  17/09/12
Moan:  "Quiz wrong! Picture is a DODGE CHARGER and that is not listed in your answer choices. Fun site though..."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Quiz is not wrong, Dan. I decide what the answers are and it is NOT a Dodge Charger. Heh. Bear in mind the Americans shared similar designs over different brands (eg. like Opel Kadett/Vaux Astra). Check again. Questions rotate, so you have a hell of a job. Nice moan, but no cigar. - Ling




From:  Big Pete moans...
Subject:  SEO
Date:  15/09/12
Moan:  "No wonder you only make 30k a year business profit, your seo charges too much and evidently does very little. My baby does the hanky pank????"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, where do you get £30k a year from? That was a made up figure by the BBC to get Bannatyne going mad. Check Companies House. Nothing wrong with Hanky Pank, my customers love it. This moan is dismissed as a pointless bleuuuuurgh. - Ling




From:  Gavin T moans...
Subject:  Slow & Expensive
Date:  14/09/12
Moan:  "Not a complaint or a moan, just feedback. The quote I received for an SLK from this site was was over £50 per month more expensive than I was able to find myself. It took me less than 3 minutes to find a lower monthly price and with a £650 cheaper deposit than on here. A television appearance does not mean better value. Too expensive and a site that is over produced."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Gavin, I simply don't believe this. Everyone can see that your figures are not correct. On a two year deal, that means £1300 cheaper. On a 3-year deal, that would mean £1900 cheaper, not including the initial rental saving you state. Saving £650 on my 3+ initial rental payment does not concur... that means that the car was not on a 3+. If it was, the saving would be 3 x £50 = £150. So, I say your comparison is rubbish. You are misrepresenting something, either accidentally or deliberately. It's obvious. Send me your "cheaper" quote by email and if your figures are truthful I will publish it on this page in full, nothing redacted showing full competitor name etc. Put up or shut up... :) - Ling




From:  dave moans...
Subject:  wtf
Date:  10/09/12
Moan:  "wtf is with ur site u mental nut job this is a teriible site and is dangerioyus to eppeleptics and could cause u to be sued "
Ling's View  REPLY:  a) Wear sunglasses, b) Use earplugs, c) Keep taking your medicine. My beautiful website is not suitable for mentally disabled people, like you. - Ling




From:  Matthew moans...
Subject:  No 'buy' button for £9.99 image
Date:  10/09/12
Moan:  "There is no 'buy' button, for the £9.99 picture of you (homepage). "
Ling's View  REPLY:  I have no idea what you are talking about. This is not a moan, just a stupid comment! - Ling




From:  Allan Galletly moans...
Subject:  My eyes my poor eyes
Date:  13/08/12
Moan:  "My name is Allan and i am a ict teacher. After looking at the complete garbage your website has to offer i strongly feel you should go back to school with your god awful crappy site. Its completely ugly and caused part of my brain to die. After seeing this site my vision will never quiet be the same. I truly feel you deserve an electronic circumcision. Stop before it gets worse."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Allan, as an ICT teacher, you clearly teach because you can't make websites work in the real world. This is a big issue with teachers. Your pupils will understand that it is about money, honey... not your dubious aesthetics. My website is VERY successful and will make over half a million pounds gross profit this year. Which proves it works well. There are no rules made by ICT teachers, which I need to follow. ICT teachers are a bit useless, frankly. If your pupils do anywhere near as well as me, following a visit to my website to learn stuff, they they will succeed beyond their wildest dreams. Go back to school, Allan, sounds like you need it. - Ling




From:  bob labuilder moans...
Subject:  WTF BITCH
Date:  17/07/12
Ling's View  REPLY:  This bloke's email is allefedly "" so you get the gist. Asshole. - Ling




From:  piers colombini moans...
Subject:  Lings not social
Date:  27/06/12
Moan:  "Ling, fallen completely in love with your website, the content is so entertaining and dont think I have been reading that much content on a site for ages.. But I dont seem to be able to find SHARE the website on Facebook / twitter etc... Wanna share Keep it ling-ering"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Then share it... :) You don't need silly little buttons that spew out canned messages. Just type something on Twitter or The Facebook and attach a link :) So easy. I class this as only a semi-moan as you are so polite. I would prefer to give you a smartass answer but cannot force myself to be aggressive to such a lovely person as you. So, just type your own link... it is far more rewarding :) - Ling




From:  Jim Law moans...
Subject:  I am bored
Date:  20/06/12
Moan:  "Your website offers no facility for people who are bored to become not bored. Can you please address this? Maybe you could offer some spare chinese people who you can send out to come to the pub with me? On the upside I need a new car for my wife.. and you seem to cater quite well for that. What one would you recommend?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  If you are bored you need to click around in my website. I offer many opportunities for people to un-bore themselves by switching to "insulted" or "amazed" response... instead of just sitting around bored. No pub. Chinese people are all out at Whitley Bay picking cockles, sorry. Far too busy. ...I would recommend a Mercedes as you seem to suit that brand. - Ling




From:  Sam moans...
Subject:  Hey
Date:  30/05/12
Moan:  "Were you born a man? "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Yes, but just did the body surgery. I avoided the brain surgery that you are booked in for. - Ling




From:  Cheeseman moans...
Subject:  IP Block
Date:  11/05/12
Moan:  "Wish the one arsehole in my class would stop irritating your staff! Sorry can you please unblock the ip and ill slap him round the face with a fish if he does it again. Thanks"
Ling's View  REPLY:  No, because you send this anonymously. Who are you? You must supply a valid email. - Ling




From:  Luke moans...
Date:  08/05/12
Moan:  "Please may you unblock our IP :) We Love You Ling"
Ling's View  REPLY:  No, I refuse to unblock you because you are just being irritating to my staff. You are like an internet version of Thrush. I have had to block Grantham "education" IP addresses several times. Send me a hand-written letter of grovelling apology in the post and I might consider it (after disinfecting the letter). In the meantime, please slaver yourself in Canestan Cream. It may help. - Ling




From:  Robert moans...
Subject:  You Cunt!!!
Date:  18/04/12
Moan:  "you Chinky cunt stole my car!!!!!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Indeed I did, and then I used it for Chinky takeaway deliveries, so it now smells like a Beijing toilet. You can have your car back now, thanks. Sorry about the sweet and sour sauce on the seats. - Ling




From:  Natalie Melia moans...
Date:  22/03/12
Moan:  "Your a wank"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Some very stupid people on the Internet, eh? This is for the benefit of Google identifying them as idiot. - Ling




From:  Kieron Jewess moans...
Subject:  No reply & bad design
Date:  10/03/12
Moan:  "Well thank you for not even replying to our request. A simple 'no' we can't supply the Ford Ford ST would have done. Bad business. Even though we are small, one day we may need 50 or 100 cars? Anyhow our creative group have since sourced and leased from Ford the 7x ST Focus's."
Ling's View  REPLY:  I have no record of "Jewess" "Kieron Jewess" "flux" "" or "FLUX CREATIVE STUDIO LTD". I think this is all made up. Indeed, the Focus ST has been discontinued, so not sure how you could lease it, at all. I don't believe one word you write. Not only that, but this company (FLUX CREATIVE STUDIO LTD) is listed on RISKDISK as a new company with high risk. You have no accounts posted at all at Companies House. This is a further reason to utterly disbelieve what you say, as you would be lucky to lease a Fiesta, never mind 7 x Focus STs (which don't exist). You seem to be sour website designers who lie for a living. - Ling




From:  James moans...
Subject:  Webcams
Date:  13/02/12
Moan:  "Your three webcams of your office have not changed for over a week !"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Three? I have two, they are live. You are idiot. Get new glasses. - Ling




From:  WarrenDavey moans...
Subject:  Crap Website 2
Date:  08/02/12
Moan:  "Hello, Firstly, I would like to say that the first moan you recieved was by my friend who was fraping me. This only occured because your "ADD A MOAN" security was poor. Anyway on topic. I have checked the website and I found the actual structure of the website good. However you use too many interactive elements in your website. There are way too many animations and most the pictures you include are overloading the actual webpage. Your overloading the website and it would look a lot better if you spread the animations, pictures and other interactive elements on to other pages to give it the extra professional quality that it badly needs. Finally, I know you don't like to read long moans, but I am sure you will read it anyway. Have a good day. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hope being F-raped didn't sting too much. Why is my "add a moan" security poor? If you have such dumbass friends, then you have only yourself to blame. I can't protect you from idiots. As to the comments, ...blah, blah, blah. last month (Jan) I moved £2,500,000 of new cars. No need to tell me there are too many flashy things (unless you can sell more cars than me, to offer advice). In my opinion I like things to flash like fuck. Good for the brain. ...But, thanks for your concern, I appreciate the worry about my "overloaded" web pages. Hehehe. If it all comes crashing down, I will only have myself to blame, eh? Boom! - Ling




From:  Warren Davey moans...
Subject:  Rubbish website
Date:  03/02/12
Moan:  "This website is crap."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Oh dear. ...So is your education, it seems. I pass your comments to the Principal of Honiton College, they will be very pleased to see the thoughtful and constructive message left by their student. It's usually Americans who are this daft... but then you are from the West Country, Warren. At least you can spell :) - Ling




From:  Sasag moans...
Date:  21/01/12
Ling's View  REPLY:  Another idiot. Why do I get so many idiots? - Ling




From:  Ava moans...
Subject:  Home page.
Date:  16/12/11
Moan:  "I think that there's too many items on the home page, and I believe that it should be switched around to where the cars on the home page should have they're own page. It looks un-proffessional to me to have all that content on your home page and I'm a web page designer."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Thanks for the insightful critique. However, I think it looks more unprofessional to make such basic spelling mistakes in your moan (such as your spelling of unprofessional). Also, your grammar stinks... you should say "there ARE too many items"... not "there's" = there IS too many items. Also, you nit, you write; "they're own page", which means "there ARE home page". It should be "their own page", in the possessive. It's a good job you're a web page designer, not a web page copy writer. So, your English stinks and I'm a Chinese! - Ling




From:  SneakyElephant moans...
Subject:  Ugly scary greedy face...
Date:  08/12/11
Moan:  "Please can you take that picture of ugly DungCan Banana Tyne off your site? HE SCARES ME!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Dung Can Banana is lovely! Such a sweet grump. He is hidden away on an inside page... He pays me £5000 a year as a bribe and FREE gym membership, to keep his picture up there for his PR and SEO purposes, so unless you make me a better offer - I go with the Dung Can. He does not bite. I concede that he sucks. - Ling




From:  Jackson moans...
Subject:  Web Site
Date:  05/12/11
Moan:  "dude this page just does not cut it! If you are looking for someone to tidy of your Web site and actually start making some money. Send me an email. Otherwise enjoy being broke. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Jackson, I am far from broke, don't worry! You should really check my company's profitability and turnover and do a bit of research before you start claiming I make little money. Bless you my son, for you are stupid. - Ling




From:  Elastic moans...
Subject:  Intrested in you
Date:  29/10/11
Moan:  "i think i like u 4 who u re, u re so funny and natural. can we get more closer? pls...."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Wahhhhhhh. A stalker who cannot do basic English. I only allow stalking if it is in well-typed English. Please put more effort into "ur" stalking. - Ling




From:  Van moans...
Subject:  All good
Date:  24/10/11
Moan:  "If you're making customers happy and achieving some success more power to you!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Van, you sound like you are either Dutch or a Ford Transit. But, this is clearly not a moan, it is a compliment!!! Which part of my "MOAN" page don't you understand? I like to show people the type of unreasonable cretins that many web visitors with no taste or class can be! But you spoil all that by saying nice things. You need to pay more attention. I advise you to take a reading course, Van. Thank you. - Ling




From:  Bilal moans...
Subject:  Your Website
Date:  10/10/11
Moan:  "Your website is shocking, it is untidy and misleading, Also, your a slut. Thanks Bilal"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well thanks so much for that. Why do I get so many idiots visiting my webpage? - Ling




From:  Eric the Gnome moans...
Subject:  Chinglish
Date:  01/10/11
Moan:  "I'm a gnome, so I don't speak Chinglish. Hire a fuckin' interpreter. Have you seen my buddy Gerome - I've lost him. P.S. You is one ugly bint. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ah, right. I thought there had been a shortage of idiots for a week or two, but I can always rely on someone rescuing me from complete happiness. Here you are, at last. Welcome. Better than an alarm clock - everyone should get their own pet idiot farm. So sorry this one escaped... back in the barn, now, Eric! - Ling




From:  Steven Magnet moans...
Subject:  This website is FABULOUS!
Date:  25/09/11
Moan:  "This website is so fabulous, I almost forgot to comb my moustache!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Clearly this is not a MOAN, so it breaches the terms of this page. If visitors cannot understand the word "moan", they need to consult a dictionary. However sugary-sweet the comment, this page is for assholes to register moans on. Please keep the page clear for those people. Thanks, Steve. - Ling




From:  Richard moans...
Subject:  "Talk" broke your website
Date:  16/08/11
Moan:  ""Live Chat" feature is broken. It does not work at all in firefox. (Firefox is close to becoming #1 browser worldwide) It doesn't even work properly in Internet Explorer. Please get rid of it and kick your web programmers up the arse! I can't read your site properly with it blocking the right of your site and can't order my new car!! Richard"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Yes, this is a genuine moan. But, no one will talk to you at 1am in the morning. The layout of the Chat/Talk persistent feature is not ideal at the moment so I am working on it. Thank you so much for a proper moan at last. More like this please. - Ling




From:  Shauny B moans...
Subject:  2 website
Date:  05/08/11
Moan:  "Being another person who has wasted an hour of my life reading moans, why don't you run 2 websites side by side? This one and a nicely polished one which the kind people below have offered to make. We can then see which one people prefer to use! I bet this one would win and silence all the people moaning that it looks like something your dog puked up! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmmm, why don't you run 2 brains side-by-side? Then, you might understand my website. will also notice that a dog always re-eats what it pukes up, as it is the best bit and is quite delicious. Like bird-spit soup. Thank you for your clever moan, but it is invalid. - Ling




From:  Rene moans...
Subject:  Cool Site!! And annoying!!
Date:  31/07/11
Moan:  "Hello Ling, my name is Rene and I am from Tucson Az in the United butthead States. I think your website is terrific and annoying at the same time. Your animations are incredibly distracting but your quiz is ingenious absolutely love it!! I think you are fortunate to have such a unique site congrats on that. Heres my moan: I thought you were a dude at first but realized you were a chick, so are you a hermaphrodite??"
Ling's View  REPLY:  I am not sure that is how you spell it... but as you are an American, I will give you some leeway. What a shame you do not qualify as a customer being a bloody foreigner, so your opinions do not count. Otherwise I may have paid attention to you. If you win a car in my quiz, you must pay shipping to the Great Satan. - Ling




From:  Martin moans...
Subject:  FUCK U!
Date:  29/07/11
Moan:  "OI ur a fat gook who needs to get back in the kitchen and out ur fake ass nuclear rocket away u rank slut kthhnx baaaaaaiii bitch"
Ling's View  REPLY:  It is "biiii-yatch", sheesh. Please get insult pronunciation correct. Also, if you remember... the "GOOKS" won the war, back in 'nam. - Ling




From:  Richard moans...
Subject:  Oh goodness.
Date:  18/07/11
Moan:  "Your website is simultaneously awful and awesome. You are the god."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Richard, I understand this, but your moan fails, as it is not a moan. I should have a eulogy section, I know. But, I don't. Sorry. - Ling




From:  Cook Poo moans...
Subject:  fail
Date:  13/07/11
Moan:  "your website is terrible, you are a failed designer! btw are you single? I asked coz a friend of mine thinks your hot and his dad lives in China! tap back"
Ling's View  REPLY:  The only tap you need is to drain fluid from your frontal brain lobe. This is not a moan, simply a stupid comment, so it does not qualify. Sorry. - Ling




From:  Pete Arkwright moans...
Subject:  No Chinese Takeaway
Date:  22/06/11
Moan:  "I love Ling, I really do, she's a fearless, bright entrepreneur that demonstrates individuality has its place in modern business. However try talking to her on the phone, jeez."Hi if you want to speak to Ling press 2", yeah right, I get 3 secs before being zipped through to Jamie.... don't fail with this business hun you're never gonna get a job taking orders for a take away.....x"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Pete, you are ex-commando but you are a nit. I am bloody VERY busy day to day and really, Jamie is handling your web-stuff. I don't spend ages on the phone, you have noticed? I do things efficiently and fast. A silly moan. - Ling




From:  Jonathan moans...
Subject:  to be and just forget it
Date:  21/06/11
Moan:  "First of all, your cars are great, second of all you cheat in your quizzes and that's the best web site I have been on so far. And I am not Columbian! Thank you. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Right Jonathan. When you were on the chat, your name was James. You were using a Columbian server (who does that, by choice except some drug cartel and real Columbians?). You try and skank me out of a free car by cheating at my quiz, and you have obviously not looked at my website if you think it's the best you have ever been on. I would like a refund please. The only coke that's arrived here is liquid and full-sugar and fizzy. Your attempt to bribe me for a free car - FAILED! :) - Ling




From:  Tess moans...
Subject:  ROFL
Date:  13/06/11
Moan:  "Your 'Worst Website' is the best I've seen for ages...yes, it is a bit excentic which is interesting but it is the longest time I have spent looking at website in ages.... kept me amuzed and interested.... Well done you! The only moan I have is that it is not clear wether (lol) or not you £1000 cash back offers include live in partners, ie common law? If so, do we still get the full £1000 or is there a lesser rate? The website needs clarification on that please? I also have 2 cats if you would like to take them into consideration. If so how much for the cats? many thx"
Ling's View  REPLY:  I am Chinese, so I pay good money for cats. The fatter the better. Especially Ginger ones, they worth double! Not only do they make nice winter hats, but they boil up lovely. I would not pay extra for common law partners, as this is not a turkey dinner, I will not be stuffing them up the ass. :) Thanks so much for worst website comment, I always appreciate that. Glad you smiled instead of crying. Therefore, this is not a valid moan, and you are penalised. - Ling




From:  '); select * from mysql.users; moans...
Subject:  '); select * from mysql.users;
Date:  02/06/11
Moan:  "'); select * from mysql.users;"
Ling's View  REPLY:  hahahaha, idiot. You are hack-bastard! - Ling




From:  DAVE MOORE moans...
Date:  20/05/11
Ling's View  REPLY:  Impossible to send without postcode, sorry. And Chinese Government restrict China flags being owned by twats. It's a big problem, you will struggle to overcome. - Ling




From:  rawr moans...
Subject:  you
Date:  12/05/11
Moan:  "You are a bad, angry, dirty person who can't set up a website which isn't distracting and annoying to use. And you're an illegal immigrant! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  I wish the English Defence League would stop targeting me. Bah. - Ling




From:  Kavie moans...
Subject:  just wondering
Date:  08/05/11
Moan:  "i am very disappointed i can not see my moans on your web page and i have also wondered where my reply is??? you should make it so we can comment on others moans so we can agree or not because some replys are not infact true to my belief <3 kavie"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Kavie, have you moaned? I cannot see it. Although I delete ones that are just purile. I don't allow comments because it is fun to cut people off in their prime. All the moans are true and 100% honest. I don't alter them. It would spoil the fun, if I did. This moan is on there now... but how can you moan about moans? I am not quite sure that is a valid moan. - Ling




From:  Candi, Nikita & AJ moans...
Subject:  From the 3 of us
Date:  06/05/11
Moan:  "YOU SUCK. Your shoes are gay and you need new shoelaces. You need to learn how to give us the finger its offenseive And while you're at it, learn how to be Aussie, you cant even speak proper english Your jeans are gay, you're fat I bet your not married like you say you are cause you arent wearing a ring you may as well try to be a buyer bride (mail order bride) Um, but try is the correct word Best of luck in the future Aj, Nikita and Candi "
Ling's View  REPLY:  I thought people spoke English and went to school, in Australia? I am often surprised. - Ling




From:  carl wackan moans...
Date:  19/04/11
Moan:  "We've had this conversation, and you've been nice and quiet. But your back, kindly tell the Idiot who supplies you mail out list they"re SPAMMERS there's rule about it! A business like yours could get a very bad reputation.... you've been told remove me or get listened as SPAM of the month. kind regards Me."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmmm, you seem to have signed up for quite some mailing lists, eh? So sorry, I bought this marketing from a reputable company. I will pass your feedback. This is a genuine moan. - Ling




From:  David Moore moans...
Subject:  Blocked,wtf.
Date:  30/03/11
Moan:  "you blocked me on chat, unblock me now, or i kill u. i need lease car, from you _\|/_"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Fuck off :) - Ling




From:  debi moans...
Subject:  cant find answer
Date:  26/03/11
Moan:  "how do ni know if i can be a business leaser as it seems cheaper and the same deal as a personal one... is there any difference and can i lease as a business user? "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Debi, duhhhh. Do you run a business, or is the car being leased by a business? The clue is in there somewhere :) - Ling




From:  Al moans...
Subject:  what am I missing?
Date:  24/03/11
Moan:  "I want a NISSAN QASHQAI HATCHBACK 1.6 [117] Visia 5dr [Stop Start] Profile: 6 + 23. Period:24 mths Mileage PA: 10,000, Price from Vehiclesaver is £184 pcm. Why you charge c. £80 more for same spec? "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Sheesh. Who on earth are they? They are advertising illegally ex-vat breaking the law in a criminal (not civil) manner. First add the VAT and then take into account the "6" initial payments against my "3" and then add their "admin" fees. They have seven (7) unattributed testimonials published online, I have more than 1500 fully attributed testimonials. Hope that helps with these people who advertise illegally. Try and avoid the £ notes flashing in front of your eyes, obscuring your vision. :) - Ling




From:  Tom moans...
Subject:  Website Sucks
Date:  16/02/11
Moan:  "ling your website is .... "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Tommy boy, your opinion is... - Ling




From:  Paul Massheder moans...
Subject:  Car out of manufacture's warranty
Date:  18/01/11
Moan:  "Ling, as per telephone call car registration RY57*** ran out of warranty 24/12/10 according to Honda due to be returned in May this year , very concerned ..... car is on 3 year deal ...... please advise."
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is a Honda Civic and was pre-registered (as you knew when the contract started in 2008, although the actual date wasn't clarified). I have arranged that Warranty Direct give you a proper warranty for the remaining 4 months of the contract so you are fully covered. I am always happy to help in situations like this. Sorted! :) - Ling




From:  Katy moans...
Subject:  You are rockin'
Date:  18/01/11
Moan:  "Just wanna say you rock my seemingly tiresome work day... the website is technically awful (I work in Web development) but ya know what? It clearly works for you and I say good on ya! You brought a smile to my face. x"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahaha, technically a lot of things should not work (eg the moon landings and a bumble bee). But they do. My website is one of those things. Thanks for comment, technically it is not a moan... but I allow it to be published because it is damn nice! - Ling




From:  steve moans...
Subject:  your website
Date:  13/01/11
Moan:  "sucks. would you like me to make it wonderful? seriously, i am a college student and my assignment yesterday was to find 3 beautiful websites, and 3 of the worst sites. you are one of the worst. i think we could help each other. have a nice day."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Steve, "sucks" is kind of a generalisation that isn't quite true as my award-winning website allows me to move over £35 million (at retail price) of new cars a year, with thousands of very happy customers. However, send me an email to with your detail (CV) and some examples of your work. Always willing to consider drugged up ASBO college kids who can't write with the correct use of caps, and offer them (ie. - you) a helping hand :) Have a nice day yourself. - Ling




From:  Marty H moans...
Subject:  Moans...
Date:  04/01/11
Moan:  "I am very upset that moans isn't made completely obvious on your website...! this has given me nearly an hour of amusement so far! so I am moaning about the fact that moans doesnt flash nor does it have big letters BOO!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Marty, because I need to keep my moan page under the surface, or I would be FLOODED with moans!! Moans are great, like the one from the complete asshole below, hahaha. I keep it discreet :) Thanks so much for non-moan comment. - Ling




From:  paul sparkes moans...
Subject:  your full of shit
Date:  30/12/10
Moan:  "ive seen your site you make out you can make things happen my credit was above average but you couldntd do anything with it for me went to another finance house accepted straight away with black horse so if you spent less time spending time on your silly website and spent more time on looking after your customers i wouldnt be writing this moan you yellow faced prick!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ohhhh, that is not very nice, eh? You are a bit racist and very rude and nasty. Maybe I used a different finance company to Black Horse, or maybe you didn't lie enough on your proposal? Or maybe I just didn't like you so I declined you for fun? Hehehe. What a twat. I do that to twats, sometimes... you can report me to the FSA. "Declined because you are a Twat". Hope the other car leasing company enjoy dealing with such a racist, bitter, poor-credit customer. - Ling




From:  Existing customer moans...
Subject:  Car finder
Date:  29/12/10
Moan:  "I'd like to see cars with automatic transmission and sat nav but find it impossible without going through all the details for each car which is like pulling teeth out. Please add a decent car finder or even use google for your site's search engine."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmm, I am working on this. It is a variable issue and is such a heavy search necessary on 20,000 deals. If three people search at the same time, my server grinds to a halt. I cannot do Sat Nav searches, though... just Auto searches. - Ling




From:  Dan moans...
Subject:  Very entertaining
Date:  27/12/10
Moan:  "I've just wasted over an hour of my life reading your moans page and i love how you don't take these idiots seriously. Great site, you seem a great person and i'm going to test your services by placing an order soon! Oh so this is a valid "moan" please don't post so many entertaining moans as it takes too long to read them all haha."
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is not a moan, but I have still decided to post it, to show that I have some really intelligent visitors :) If only all other moaners were as un-moany as you! Thanks!! - Ling




From:  Lucas Cate moans...
Subject:  I dont get it.......
Date:  30/11/10
Moan:  "I dont get your site. yeah i know you are leasing cars, but it looks like shit. there is to much stuff on it. by the way why a missle trucK? but my question is why do you have so much stuff on your site? and why dont you lease reall cars like some American Muscle. Like a Ford Mustang or Chevy Camaro?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Because Lucas... I am in the UK and we don't have "reallllll" cars like those awful American models, here. No one in the UK will buy those cars, they freak out when they realise how bad they are. Site may look like shit (I disagree) but it make a shit load of money, which is nice. I understand you "don't get it" but then, you are American. - Ling




From:  Charlie Carnochan moans...
Subject:  List by car type
Date:  29/11/10
Moan:  "Ling - In the past we have been able to seacrh on your website by car type eg estate which makes it easier to look at prices, maybe I am being blind but cannot see a way to do this, can you put it back on? Thanks"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Yes, it is there, on my car price list page in the sorting box at the top of the list. Sort by type. You can choose any car body type. It's never been off. - Ling




From:  Ady Awty moans...
Subject:  get off her case
Date:  08/11/10
Moan:  "Before I start it is not a moan, except to moan about the people who have nothing more to do in their lives but complain about this website. if you don't like it close the page!!! I am looking for a good deal on my next lease, and Ling... once I know what to get, you will be supplying it. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, this is certainly not a moan!! :) This is a great post and you might have magicked a little bit of extra discount! - Ling




From:  Morten Hansen moans...
Subject:  Metallic Paint
Date:  03/11/10
Moan:  "Why can't I have a Audi S5 Coupe with metallic paint?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Because you have been a naughty boy, Morten. Now go and sit back on your step. You can have white, like all the other hairdressers! Snip, snip... - Ling




From:  leslie nicoll moans...
Subject:  website
Date:  15/10/10
Moan:  "I have leased my last two cars from ling. Our present lease ends in February. So it's time to start looking for a new contract. I have looked on your website and i find it manic. Far to much going on; it was much easier to use three years ago."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Les, yes, it is the drugs. I do my best to calm it down, but I just can't resist making things flash. So sorry! - Ling




From:  Ricciardetto Standen moans...
Subject:  Why? Please can you explain?
Date:  13/10/10
Moan:  "why would you pay £200-odd a month for a car that you don't own though? surely if you've that amount of money spare per month then a loan would be cheaper in the long run? Also would you seriously use a service who's website looks like it's been made by a spastic monkey? But Loved you in Dragons Den!! I think you should offer your cars to them and see what they way!!! lol!! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  You incorrect about the car, correct about the website, uber-correct about Dragons' Den. No explanations necessary, none given. - Ling




From:  john moans...
Subject:  slagging off scousers
Date:  27/09/10
Moan:  "why do you always take the opppoertunity to suggest that people from liverpool or surrounding areas are thieves..check your replies to letters received from merseyside customers and count the number of times you have implicated they should beware of their cars being stolen i don't think you would be too happy if we were as suggestive of human rights denials in your native china"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ah... I see from the quality of your English, that you are probably a Scouser. Did someone steal all the capital letters while your message passed through a Merseyside server? - You talk utter rubbish, Liverpool is well above the UK average in population demographic, everyone knows that. Stop moaning. - Ling




From:  chris Bradshaw moans...
Subject:  Not a moan
Date:  21/09/10
Moan:  "It is not a moan, but I don't now how to contact you. I which to increase my mileage on your car and change my address. Could somebody contact me by e mail or phone 07766591860."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmm, well, I am confused because you filled in a contact form with the questions, and Emma M pasted it into LINGO along with the answers. Did you not get the LINGO email? You have not logged in. You can always call me or email, but preferred contact for confidential stuff about your car is LINGO which we used last year to discuss the car delivery etc. Please tell me if you cannot get into it. It is at - Ling




From:  Russell Davies moans...
Subject:  L200
Date:  11/08/10
Moan:  "Hi, I want to get a quote for a Mitsubishi L200 but its not available in the drop down list. Love the site btw. Russell"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Russell, This is not a moan, nit. This is a feature hahahahaha! Mitsu L200 is a commercial so I have difficulty pulling the data through like most cars. You must use my "old" form here: OLD QUOTE FORM. Sorry about that, database issues that are not simple to overcome or else I lose some functionality on the car form. - Ling




From:  Graham moans...
Subject:  Maintenance costs
Date:  27/07/10
Moan:  "Ling, whilst being a satisfied customer of yours, I have an A class Merc from two years ago, I have an issue with your standard wording about maintenance. You say:In the first 2 years, you should only need an oil and filter service, and go on to call it a small service. Well, in year 1 I had a minor service (A) which was reasonable enough, but this year (2) I had a B service (which you call small). The cost is not small though. The dealer price was £375 and that was supposedly discount. In the end I got an independent garage to quote me £245 which the Merc dealer price matched, so the best of both worlds, but not all do it and I had to work at them to get it. So over two years it has cost about £400 so not insignificant. I could only get one independant to guarantee in writing that their work would meet MB's standards and preserve the warranty so I feel your wording should be refined to the fact that it is not necessarily so small and cheap to get services done and people should research these more thoroughly. I wish I had."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmm, well, thanks for this, Graham. I will say that the costs would be the same whether you lease, buy or steal the car, makes no difference to the servicing. This is simply that Merc is a higher cost than most other manufacturers. On that Merc contract, you have to use a Merc dealer I think, whereas on most other contracts you can use an independent. - How can I possibly list the cost of every service, all dealers are different, all cars are different and all garages different. I am only giving indications on this stuff, of course people should do a bit of research before committing to a new car. I understand this doesn't help you too much, but maybe it helps others, eh? - Ling




From:  gregor mcrobert moans...
Subject:  bad credit leasing my ass
Date:  22/07/10
Moan:  "I got in some trouble years ago with money but am fine now tried Lings site and lo and behold nooooooooooooo chance "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well, this is correct. The finance companies make the decisions, not me. If you were really "fine now" they would not hesitate to accept. Maybe they need more water under the bridge. It is a balance, they need to keep credit scoring tough to ensure that prime customers are not subsidising risk. It is hard, but if they won't finance an Astra, there must be something stopping them. I do my best to present customers in the best possible light, but maybe they see your employment (as a miner) as risky, or maybe there are other risk factors. I never see the actual details, so it is hard to comment accurately. However, if everything was clear on credit, it would proceed, so something must not be quite right. So sorry, Gregor. This is not sub-prime leasing, for that risk factor you pay double my prices. - Ling




From:  SAIF moans...
Subject:  Racist ching chong wala wala
Date:  12/07/10
Moan:  "Your website is complete bullshit. Maybe you should try and open your eyes because its looks fucking shit you fucking ching chong wala wala. And i dont like how you are racist towards other people sort it out noodle man"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Aha! I think this is a very valid moan because it represents the views of so many completely stupid people. I will try not to be so racist, but it's so hard when I am a fucking ching chong wala wala. I must try harder. I completely resent being called a noodle man. My chopsticks bleed. - Ling




From:  Irfaan Saheb moans...
Subject:  plz reply to my personal email!
Date:  07/07/10
Moan:  "I am sorry for thinkin your sexy but it is not my fault that your small boobs are not very attractive. i think your website is completely shit but fortunately you i think your hot therefore your website is successful"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hmmm, are you another weird Pakistanian? I think you lot are sexually repressed at birth. Ignore my boobs, get yourself an arranged wife. - Ling




From:  Kyng moans...
Subject:  Advice
Date:  19/06/10
Moan:  "you might want to turn down the SUCK on your website. Its terrible. If you want to make an emotional attachment to it, do so, but what you're doing is throwing chunks of disgusting design into it. Its not user friendly, it looks terrible, and you try to give advice on making a website? Google top 10 worst websites. You're on there."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Wow! Google "Car Leasing" from the UK and I am on there, too... which is a bit more important to me. Google "Kebab Van Wedding Hire" and I am on there too, but I have no kebabs :) Yum yum. Your moan is off target. What is the sound of one hand clapping? - Ling




From:  Robert moans...
Subject:  I'd like to build you a new site
Date:  19/06/10
Moan:  "Hi, your current website is unique, I like the general idea you have and that it has its own niche. However, I think I can re-design it so that you keep this theme, but organize the site in a way that your visitors do not want to kill you. If you are sick of getting beatings in alley ways on your way home from work, then please allow me to build you a real website with the same funny, theme without the shitty design."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Robert, feel free, go ahead. Let me know when you have a working example. This is very kind of you. I especially appreciate the lack of shitty design in your kind offer. Super duper. - Ling




From:  Irfaan Saheb moans...
Date:  16/06/10
Moan:  "I htink that yopuir website is very very bad. I look at it and i want to take my eyes out with a spoon. Please reconsider designing your crap website. and you are very vain. sort it out ching chong. I LOVE YOU! I HOPE YOU LOVE ME TOO! <3"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Unfortunately, your English is so bad I cannot understand you - apart from the bit about taking your eyes out with spoons. I would recommend forks instead. - Ling




From:  Darth Vader moans...
Subject:  Spelling
Date:  15/06/10
Moan:  "Ling, just thought I'd let you know that at the very bottom, near your lease agreement section, you have spelt lease wrong. Just thought I'd let you know so you can fix it up to avoid looking unprofessional. Kind regards. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Nooooooooooo hahahahahaha, this is for Google, so it picks up mis-spellinks from peeple serching mi site. Nit. :) You fink I carn't spel? Hahahahaha. - Ling




From:  Lisa Simpson moans...
Subject:  Concerned Citizen
Date:  07/06/10
Moan:  "Hi Ling! I'm not normally the moaning type but here goes: I understand that you have won plenty of awards, and that your site is kinda unique but... Your site has way too much going on. There's flashing popups and stuff that has nothing to do with selling the cars, just to do with you. It's really wrong and you should do something about that. It honestly looks like someone's overpacked a site with b.s and then let a 5 year old loose in windows paint. I'm not one of those moaning kids, I am seriously trying to help you as a concerned citizen. Thank you for your time Lisa"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well, thanks, Lisa. However, there are many reasons people visit LINGsCARS; not just to lease a car. Eventually though, I hope everyone (in the UK) can be a customer. There are many sites that provide nothing but bald prices and I simply don't want to do that, I want to build some emotional attachment and goodwill. So, my website will become more diverse, not less. Hope this explains a little bit. - Ling




From:  Amy moans...
Subject:  Excellent
Date:  04/06/10
Moan:  "This site and your comments on this moan page are fantastic! I wish everyone did business like you, Ling. Keep up the good work, your site makes me smile (at the great deals AND the fab craziness of it all!) You're ACE"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Thanks! But, this is not a moan. This moan page turning into general comment page - I just want grumbling idiots to post on here so I can slag them off and make them look stupid. Can people please try to be more focussed in their moans? - Ling




From:  Clary Fray moans...
Subject:  You've Got Heart
Date:  02/06/10
Moan:  "Hi Ling! Looking through the comments I can tell that a whole ton are from my ICT class. We are redesigning your website for an ICT project because it popped up under one of the worst websites. But I believe, as much as it is a designers worst nightmare, it's got heart. That's all I wanted to say. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahaha, Clary - then send me a ling to a copy of the redesign :) Always pleased to look. Thanks for the moan, even though it isn't a moan :) - Ling




From:  John Jones moans...
Subject:  This Site Strange but OK
Date:  31/05/10
Moan:  "For some reason this site is NUTS and this can be good and bad, you get bad publicity from the worlds worst websites, but hey bad publicity is publicity and it seems to work. So I am confused. At our school in ICT my Assignment is to make your website better- well not better but less cramped and easier to read with less CRAP. I don't mind it except you shouldn't lie about being UK's Favorite car leasing website. Mayby most visited and laughed at but not FAVOURITE. Please fix this. Thanks for reading and hope it helps. Ps I am not one of those stupid kids that just send this to be funny I do want to help. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Right... well, do you want to point me to the UK's favourite car leaasing website? It's difficult to think of another contender when they are all either built and abandoned, or built on some reseller's template (then abandoned). I have yet to find one other leasing website that is ALIVE. Try again, John... - Ling




From:  a.burton moans...
Subject:  shame
Date:  28/05/10
Moan:  "shame there are not more web sites like yours !!!!!! Very funny.."
Ling's View  REPLY:  A shame I don't have more comments like yours!!!!! Great (if short). - Ling




From:  Ian Scobbie moans...
Subject:  free car
Date:  13/05/10
Moan:  "Can my cousin John send me a free car? Great for publicity in Australia!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, this is not a moan, it is a grabbing bastard email :) Your cousin John had a brilliantly cheap Honda Civic, he is very happy I think. Unfortunately, cars from the UK will not work upside-down in Australia, this is obvious. And I thought you all drove V8-utes for the pallets of XXXX in the back? And a kangaroo bar would look stupid on a Honda Civic :) Why are Australians so stupid? I always have this problem with bloody foreigners, hahaha! If you not careful I send you to Coventry like your cousin John. Why do I hear that Deliverance banjo in my head when I imagine your extended family? :) Send me Aus address, I send you Ling badge in airmail, no expense spared! G'day. - Ling




From:  John Dickinson moans...
Subject:  Too busy
Date:  09/05/10
Moan:  "Dear Ling, Any chance of constructing a different web sight that has a lot less going on. Too many bits of info and flashing lights for us old ones. Hope this is constructive. Good Luck John "
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is a very valid moan... Yes, John. I have this in hand. First, I have designed a completely new customer back-end called LINGO v2.0 which will go live in the next few weeks. Then, once that is working well, I can introduce two things: 1) New websites for myself, and 2) new websites for 3rd parties using my administration and car deal database. Stand by, within a month or two you should see some progress. - Ling




From:  SKaB moans...
Date:  05/05/10
Ling's View  REPLY:  When you say "frickin", I think you may mean "fucking". Does that help? It should, in your case. - Ling




From:  Peggy moans...
Subject:  READ THIS!!!!!
Date:  04/05/10
Moan:  "YOU SUCK!!! you need to listen to what people tell you!! your wbesite is so confusing, and you wont listen to ANYONE!!!!!! you are so imiture about critizism i cant beleave you even made it this far!!!! the only reason anyone comes to this website is so they can make fun of it!!!!! thats all we did in my english class today!!!! and by the way, you are so ARROGENT!!!!! you think anyone cares that you think you are the "GREAT any POWERFUL Ling"????? NO!!!!! THEY DONT!!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  English class :) - I swear this moan is genuine, from ip address which resolves to Millersville, Maryland, Great Satan. What a laugh :) - Ling




From:  Madmanbennett78 moans...
Subject:  Instructional Design project
Date:  13/04/10
Moan:  "I came to your website to do an in lab project for my class. The web page I found with your link was And from what I see this site does and absouletly SUCKS!. For one you have no structure. Secondly you have to much colors and uneeded fonts. And it takes forever to load. How would anyone needing a car come here is far beyond my understanding. I just think in my opinion that you're ignornant and have poor web design abilities. This is so bad that the whole lab here is laughing at your incomptence in making a web page looked like you let a 5yr old loose on Windows Paint and had them fix this page for you. I wish you luck on your web page. Hopefully nobody will die of seizures and Sue you for accident death by colors and pure color destruction. I think a bat would be more of a customer for you!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Madman, well... I am always suspicious of people who won't use their real names. You should look at my Awards page and read some of the 1,500 testimonials. As with most students, you need to open your mind to what is possible. There are no rules about fonts and colours... and if you or your kind had their way, cars would just come in 2 colours and all look the same. Website works well thanks, it's your brain that needs some work. Wear sunglasses! - Ling




From:  Ben moans...
Subject:  NOT a moan but a big THUMBS UP
Date:  04/03/10
Moan:  "I just love this site and the service. My wife is in the process of ordering a car and we have had nothing but great service so far!!! The web site is great and entertaining. Anyone who moans about slow load times must be living in a shanty town with dial up internet.... morons. Why are there so many negative people around these days.... get off you sizeable arses and see if you can do better!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, Ben, thanks! Great to find that someone can read this page without taking it so seriously and getting horribly offended :) You know that ordering a car is not like buying a book from Amazon - it does take a bit of time, so nice to keep entertained and have a bit of fun. This is all about trust. My website does a good job of getting rid of most moaners and bitter and nit-picky visitors. So, like you, people need to view my site with an open mind and stop getting all miserable about it. Thanks for non-moan, I appreciate it! - Ling




From:  david lilburn moans...
Subject:  Ling is a smug bitch
Date:  04/03/10
Moan:  "who do u think u are?? How dare you stand there with 2 fingers up. u should spend more time fixing your shit website and less time having stupid photo shoots!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Who do I think I am? - I am Ling! I thought I made that very clear on my website. Well, well, if you are looking at me sticking two fingers up, then you should not navigate to my "moan" page! Visitors with such sensible attitudes should use one of the extremely professional, boring websites that pop up and then disappear with regular timing, full of old deals, saying "we aim to give the very best service" but actually delivering very little at all. If you can't explore the web with a sense of fun and adventure then you are very narrow minded. Off you go now... bye bye baby, bye bye. - Ling




From:  Leeroy moans...
Subject:  Blocked
Date:  02/03/10
Moan:  "You blocked me from your live chat feature, when I was simply looking for a cheap 2 year lease on an automobile. Emma C is a troublemaker and I suggest you deal with her severely. I also don't take kindly to you swearing in your picture to the left of this comment box."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Leeroy, you are a child, I am afraid. You came on my live chat under several different names last Wednesday. I do check IP addresses. You logged on as Alex, Leroy (you must have got the spelling wrong) and EmmaC. You are from a school in West Berkshire, on the internet service provided by the local council. Your chats were asinine and childish. So, you have been blocked. Any more trouble from you, and I will complain to your headmaster. Your IP has been logged. I am particularly glad you don't like me swearing - so take a look at this : FUCK OFF! - there, is that sweet enough for you? Goodbye, Leroy (or Leeroy, or Alex). - Ling




From:  Matthew moans...
Subject:  Have you realized?
Date:  27/02/10
Moan:  "I was directed to this website from another website called Your website was ranked #1 on the Ugliest / Worst Business Web Sites of 2009. Don't you think you should do something about that?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Matthew, it also won the BT Business/NatWest award for IT and Communications 2009. So I would say, it's hard to move from No1 in either direction! :) - Ling




From:  Dominic Calvey moans...
Subject:  servicing
Date:  14/02/10
Moan:  "Had loads of lease cars over the years and almost without exception I have had poor experience when taking vehicles to garages for maintenence/repair. What makes you better in demanding and actually getting good service for your customers ? PS like your website though, definitely NOT boring"
Ling's View  REPLY:  I do not demand that. All new cars are the same, they come with full warranty. So you just roll up at a franchised dealer to get warranty work done. If always getting problems, maybe you need to look in the mirror? Are you upsetting them? Customers usually get good service from dealers, but not if they are insulted. Be nicer to the dealers, that is my advice! - Ling




From:  Robbie Keyworth moans...
Subject:  A Moan BUT NOT a Moan
Date:  14/02/10
Moan:  "Always had a company car but now have a car allowance of £400 pm. Very confunsed about what leasing deal to go for. My car is my office so need good Sat Nav, Bluetooth, Auto. Types of cars interested in Audi A4, BMW 3 series, Ford Mondeo, Saab 9-3, Vauxhall Insignia. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Robbie, well, correct. Not a moan. Don't ask me car questions here, this place is for nutters, idiots and simpletons. Ooooooops :) Fill in my quote form! Off you go... - Ling




From:  BEC! moans...
Subject:  Website Anayslis
Date:  14/02/10
Moan:  "Yes this is long so get over it! Ok so your wwebsite isn't that great. It needs a bit of work and to move awayform the childish colours. The pages go on forever and it just is so hard to find anything with all the flashing pictures. No offence or anything but you look like a man in your pictures and what is with the peace sign. Ok so I am from Australia and have to do a website analsis and have choosen your site out of minons of others. Now i have read many of the customers letters that are happy but honestly the website dosen't do them any justice! So long, Farewell Bec from Australia!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ok Bec, well, maybe you need to read this upside down... but the peace sign is two fingers with the back of the hand visible, not the front. Quite the opposite of Winston Churchill. :) Hope you can do website analysis better than you can spell. Spend more time on your English. Remember a website has to make money, not look pretty. You can't pay for food with pretty tokens. - Ling




From:  Paul moans...
Subject:  Concerned individual
Date:  04/02/10
Moan:  "What's up with the missile truck? And for the record all the poor chaps who come to this website most likely have their bandwidth commit suicide due to the excessive amount of shit on this website. I feel bad for the epileptic guy who clicks on the link on Google looking for a car. Good day to you."
Ling's View  REPLY:  If you think there are excessive amounts of shit, use a wet-wipe on your face as you look at it, Paul. There is nothing "up" with my missile truck, it is just fine :) Who cares about bandwidth? - get broadband! Epileptics cannot drive cars, so site is not designed to cure epileptics. They should visit doctor, not my site. Good day to YOU. - Ling




From:  Borat moans...
Subject:  I can't live chat
Date:  26/01/10
Moan:  "I just want to live chat with employees about me leasing cars but you blocked it or something. Ps fuck you i just want to lease cars and emma C was argueing with me wasnt respecting me as a customer! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Really? Oh, I am surprised. It's not often mature customers are mistaken for teenage mutants. I am so sorry. Emma C has been ordered to eat free McDonalds today, as punishment. I even applied physical punishment - I patted her on the back. Hope that's OK :) - Ling




From:  poop moans...
Subject:  poop
Date:  22/01/10
Ling's View  REPLY:  With pleasure - pass me my AK47... - Ling




From:  Poe moans...
Subject:  OW
Date:  21/01/10
Ling's View  REPLY:  ...and my head hurts when you type comments in CAPS. You are an immature visitor, I think. I ban you. - Ling




From:  Jon Gill moans...
Subject:  What the hell
Date:  31/12/09
Moan:  "1. takes that long to load I could of ordered and taken delivery of a new car from somewhere else in the same time. 2. Reason behind the lag time for page loads is becuase the sites a complete mess, its very busy with alot of pointless tabs to click. I want to buy a car not play Hangman or play a quiz i mean WTF 3. The design looks like its been done by a primary school child, and is very hard to actually navigate smoothly without becoming irritated. 4. How can any of this be taken serious ? "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well, thanks. It has been taken seriously enough for you to write this moan, and taken seriously enough for me to be chosen as 2009 BT Business/NatWest Communications and IT Everywoman Award Winner, nationally in the UK. Does everything have to be designed for dial-up and in such a boring manner? My website is carefully designed to polarise visitors. You polarise out. Some polarise in. Easy. Customers who have cars, are the happiest in the whole motor industry. There are hundreds of ultra-boring sites that you can feel free to grab a car from (except they are not very good at it), so feel free to use them and bore yourself to death. Thanks for moan! :) It brightens up my site. Note... no other car site has a "moan" section. - Ling




From:  Simon moans...
Subject:  You Moaners
Date:  30/12/09
Moan:  "I ain't moaning, just laughing my socks off at all the self-righteous twats who want to moan about the industry and your business. Ling you are hillarious! I hope all these moaners take their own advice and BOG OFF. Fair play for having a moan page."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, you are from a well known car dealer, so thanks so much for the comment. Not only visitors who moan, but also BMW are the biggest moaners at the moment, except they do it with solicitor letters telling me I cannot show pics of their cars! Nits. When are you gonna give me some cars to sell for you, Simon? Get on with it! :) Thanks for the friendly moan! - Ling




From:  Marc moans...
Subject:  Its all gone a little too far...
Date:  23/12/09
Moan:  "Ling, its all a bit silly isnt it? Im sure you set off with intentions of breaking conventional theory on web design and self/company promotion but the website is so mental surely you accept that serious people wont take YOU seriously. For someone leasing/buying or financing a car is an improtant decision. Surely they wan a provider that is busy sourcing good deals and looking after their order; not someone who doesnt like speaking on the phone and is too busy thinking of where next to park a missile truck? I wish you every sucess but please get a grip. Tone it dowen a bit!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Marc, no, no, no. it's really important to create an emotional bond with customers, in order to gain enough confidence for them to place an order. My service is the best, people figure it out. People who can't figure it out can go elsewhere for a car. ... For instance now, replying to your moan, I am typing this from China. How many other car suppliers will even read website comments today, never mind reply, never mind reply from half way around the World? This is the difference, you see? - Ling




From:  Dead person moans...
Subject:  Haunting from beyond the grave
Date:  02/11/09
Moan:  "Your pudding killed me - get some stuff that's in date please."
Ling's View  REPLY:  I say in the accompanying letter that the free lunch and delicious dried plum pudding are slightly out of date. So you make your own choice to eat. There is no reason it should harm you though apart from slight danger of big shit. I would recommend frail people do not eat the free lunch, but with half the World starving, it seems churlish to complain. - Ling




From:  John moans...
Subject:  Ignorant
Date:  02/11/09
Moan:  "Would never do buisness with you, you are an ignorant c**t, not only that even the length of time you took to answer my e-mail which was a genuine enquiry "
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is an example of a very selfish type of "customer" I get sometimes. Is it any wonder I do not choose to do any business with them? Quite terrible. Genuine customers should not have idiots like this slowing down my responses, so I deliberately withdraw resources from enquiries/people like this. - Ling




From:  geoff moans...
Subject:  Succinct moans....
Date:  02/11/09
Moan:  ".......can your moans to me be succinct please?? lol"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ah, this is a supplier of mine who spends his days complaining about me shooting cars with my AK47 "in the current political climate" (whatever that means). So, I changed the assault rifle to a paint gun, in order not to offend this guy and meet the crazzzzy political correctness requirements. I had a rant about the silliness of this, and my email was too long, apparently. So now you moan back, Geoff. You should do more work, less moaning! - Ling




From:  Arthur Dent moans...
Subject:  Website
Date:  10/10/09
Moan:  "Your website is absolutely horrifying. It's a web designer's worst, worst, worst nightmare. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Exactly. That's why web designers have to wear sunglasses to go outside and cannot cope with tabloid newspapers with more than one font style. Anyway, web designers use Macs, so that says it all :) - Ling




From:  John moans...
Subject:  Dearest!!!
Date:  09/10/09
Moan:  "I have been looking at numerous lease sites thinking of leasing, the car iam looking for is an Audi A5, i came accross this site and it seems to be the dearest by far Thanks John"
Ling's View  REPLY:  John, then go and rent one from somewhere else! There are many websites who publish ex-vat, out of date, made up, inaccurate pricing in order to sucker you in, sucker. I always give the most accurate prices I can find, which, if they are a bit higher than you want... at least are accurate. Pointless to use made-up prices IMHO. - Ling




From:  Dispappointed moans...
Subject:  Let down
Date:  24/09/09
Moan:  "I got excited my car would be arriving this month and then was let down and was told it was going to be another 3 months at ridiculously short notice. Apparently it was the dealers fault but I only found this information out by chasing myself. It's very easy to deflect the blame this way but it does not change the fact the I feel let down and now have to wait even longer. Also, when you don't feel like enough has been done to remedy the situation, it's even worse. Apart from that, the service is excellent but it's unlikely the rest of the fleet will be purchased from from"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well, not exactly the dealer's fault, Phil. More like Audi in Germany. On a routine enquiry (yes, that was asked for by you, I agree) on Audi's system, the dealer was informed Audi have moved build dates. The dealer told me at 10:12 today (so I have hardly been sitting on this info): "Spoken to Audi UK, not good news: this car was taken from our August allocation and will be December delivery as they tell us current supply times are only an estimate and cannot be relied on as car was so popular. Sorry about this but it will not come any faster, whatever we do. I think it may be worth the customer waiting on it though as car is very cheap . Tried but nothing I can do and no other cars available to offer :(" ...after asking that Audi provide a courtesy car, the dealer said "No sorry . I have been in discussions with the Audi area guy and they will not supply and we do not have anything here either, as it is completely out of our control and there is no margin at all to subsidise any car, sorry :(" All this is very bad (by Audi) but out of anyone's control and certainly not anyone's fault in the UK. My own TT cab (arrived this month) was delayed by a month, and the A4 Cab I had previously was delayed like this by Audi for 6 months! Audi are struggling to cope with supply and demand and are screwing with customers. They are providing info like this at the last minute. I have offered alternative (faster to deliver) car to you, an S-Line rather than a base Quattro, slightly more money. If you want this to be discussed publicly I am happy. I can understand how annoyed you feel, but even me, Ling, cannot control the Audi factory! I have been screaming, however... but the Germans ignore me. I am not in control of, however hard I try. I can only ever repeat information given to me which I do as soon as I have it. - Ling




From:  William Daryl Maysz moans...
Subject:  Why sell cars?
Date:  24/09/09
Moan:  "ling i do not understand why you do this with cars you should sell products like Mighty Putty, the quick and easy way to fix and seal anything fast and make it last. Mighty Putty is not a glue but a superpowered epoxy. This is the most important product, i have ever endorsed. Billyy x x"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, Billy! You even have a video at Mighty Putty! I think you get 6 tubes for $19.99. You too are seen on TV, like me :) How lovely to have a proper infommercial moan, instead of the usual spam moans. I wonder if everyone knows what Mighty Putty does? Hahahahah, I think the handle on that cup is GREAT! Now you can repair any job big or small, thanks to Mighty Putty. Mighty Putty is great for anything from your smallest craft projects to your largest home improvements! The easy way to fix, fill and seal almost any surface and make it last. Mighty Putty is a powerful bonding epoxy stick that you can mold to any shape and can apply to any surface for an everlasting bond. Simply cut, activate and apply...then all you do is let it dry. - Ling - Ling




From:  Billy Mays moans...
Subject:  Horrendous waste of time
Date:  23/09/09
Moan:  "This website is a pointless waste of my life. Get some real cars logos Ling!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  What? I don't understand your moan. If you want to waste your time here, you are free to do so, no one is twisting your arm to apply your brain to figure out what is going on. Car is car, moan is moan. Your moan is not a moan, it is simply nonsense. You obviously do not appreciate work of Chinglish car expert, so I file your moan in my dustbin of life. Goodbye, moan. - Ling




From:  Liam Bower moans...
Subject:  You are a silly man
Date:  10/09/09
Moan:  "I think you are a total prick, why do you have a rocket aiming up your ass you fucking quere. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Liam... I am a quere? q-u-e-r-e? A WHAT? Hmm, I think that is a measure of paper. Or is that a quire? Whatever, I am not a prick, or a silly man, as I am a woman. Thanks for the moan, visitors will enjoy to laugh at such observant comments from semi-intelligent human being. You are life on Mars, as sex-preference insults now confer a blessing. It is good to be gay, even if I am not gay. But if someone is gay, that scores them extra points these days. It is with great pleasure I press this button and send this response to such a vividly wrong person. - Ling




From:  Steve moans...
Subject:  Why moan?
Date:  08/09/09
Moan:  "This business idea and Ling herself are classic and the true meaning of the word 'entrepreneur' even the Muppets on dragons den could not see the superb concept through the bad pitch! So stop moaning get off your fat asses and come up with ideas!!! Well done Ling. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  My God!!! Hahahaha, this is not a moan, but I publish everything sent to me on this page in the interests of full disclosure. So, I would encourage more people to read Steve's remarks as more people should get off their asses and come up with more business ideas, this is true. Thanks for the non-moan, Steve! - Ling




From:  Kennedy moans...
Subject:  Your site sucks!
Date:  01/09/09
Moan:  "Why does your site suck so much? i mean it takes ages for one page to load! and its sooo unproffesional! The colors dont even go together bitch! I might buy a car though, thank you! Have a nice day."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Is it "unprofffessioul"? Why am I getting all these school kids writing comments? - Ling




From:  Bogart Rhinolegs moans...
Subject:  O-M-F-G
Date:  31/08/09
Moan:  "I'm using this site as an example of the worst designed website EVER! This website is making me sick! O.o lulz! HORDE FTW AND STOP USING PAINT!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Sick, sick, sick, thanks so much for your OTT response. Without people like you, all the interesting websites would disappear. Look forward to your quality review :) Nothing wrong with paint, B&Q make a living out of this. - Ling




From:  carl wackan moans...
Date:  18/08/09
Ling's View  REPLY:  Carl, this is a genuine moan. I have passed your complaint in forceful terms to my marketing company who insist they use opt-in lists. They are obviously wrong. I am acting on this. Apologies. - Ling




From:  Darren Richard moans...
Subject:  Publishing moans
Date:  12/08/09
Moan:  "You obviously do not publish all of your moans ling. you published a moan from Jerry and said that he had moaned twice in four days yet ONLY ONE MOAN FROM HIM WAS PUBLISHED!!!!! that's right ling, or should I call you LYING!!!!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  You are deaf as well as blind. There are definitely two moans from "Jerry" below. Where is "Tom" when I need him? I publish all moans, except the automated drivel spam moans. To call me lying is very strong, how many other websites publish ANY moans?? You interfere with my meditation and tai chi. Go away. This is a useless inaccurate moan. - Ling




From:  Ling Ching moans...
Subject:  HARRO
Date:  30/07/09
Moan:  "are you on drugs or something I HATE YOU quote "Keep it succinct, I can't bear to read long moans... and please note I persecute idiots :) If moan is valid, I will act on it." umm you are an idiot"
Ling's View  REPLY:  No, no, not me that is the idiot. Allowing visitors to moan is GOOD. It shows me if there are problems. Thanks for the emotion. Hate is a very strong word, you should apply it to a true hate figure like Bill Gates for inventing Windows. Visitors will read this and decide who is the idiot. This is not a valid moan. Moans should have an element of constructive criticism so I can improve things. You seem to just be a terrorist. War on Terror continues (copyright George Bush). - Ling




From:  Paul moans...
Subject:  Worst website moan
Date:  23/07/09
Moan:  "Ling Not really a moan at you but these guys They have you position 3 for worst website. I personaly love the this site, so well done and the free publicity from the above cannot be too sad Ps My moan for you is your blog link is not working please fix it "
Ling's View  REPLY:  For some reason Blog link is SOOOOOOOOOO slow. I cannot figure it out. I am working on it. Google is indexing it fine, so must be some other problem :) Yes... what a shame I did not make number 1. Hahahaha. I must try harder to be world's worst. Valid moan! - Ling




From:  adrian harper moans...
Subject:  Don't like moaning but....Imissed out on Captiva deal
Date:  17/07/09
Moan:  "I applied for a quote for a Chevrolet Captiva ,got back your e mail acknowledgement on 1/7/09, and got your quote back on the 2/7/09 - VERY GOOD!!! However as per my original enquiry, I was after a quote for a manual, not auto as on your quote.I emailed on the 2nd and the 6th to say I needed quote on manual not auto. On 7th you e mailed me to say you would look for quotes. On the 10th you e mailed no quotes available on manual, so i e mailed to go with the auto. On the 13th you e mailed to say captiva deal has ended!!! On 14th i e mailed you to say not happy!!You replied that no more deals on Captiva and offered a CRV, but i need the extra seats as per the Captiva. Now I have been offered an Outlander at more money per month. Any chance of the Captiva auto deal you originally offered still??? I know how much you value customer service even if you are sticking two fingers up at me!!!!!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahaha, well, I am not sticking 2 fingers at YOU. :) I only had the Auto Captivas on a deal, I could not get a good price on manuals. I scoured the whole UK and could not find a good deal. The deal then disappeared (this happens all the time as I list approx 2000 cars). The CRV is a good replacement (apart from the 7-seat problem). I have sent a price list link which shows about 50 different 7-seater deals under £300. Captiva deal is not available at the mo, at a good price. I do give customer service but can't magic the cars :) Your moan is valid, Adrian, but I can't control all offers as I don't run the finance companies :( - Ling




From:  Jerry moans...
Subject:  Not impressed
Date:  10/07/09
Moan:  "when I was talking on the live chat, My son was cut off whilst talking, he despratly needed help. Now I would expect that from annoying little teenagers messing around, but this is out of order. Now, He will look else where, Thankyou. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well... I do not cater for annoying little teenagers. Neither do I cater for serial moaners, Jerry, like you. You have now moaned (with stupid comments) twice in four days. What is so hard about leasing a car? What is the sound of one hand clapping? - Ling




From:  JERRY moans...
Subject:  BUSY
Date:  08/07/09
Moan:  "This website is far too busy I hate it. TONE IT DOWN A LITTLE AND YOUR NOT VERY HELPFUL AT ALL"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Busy??? Of course it is busy! I am busy! Busy people get things done. My customers are busy. However, you seem to be not-very-busy, having lots of time to tell me moaning rubbish like this. I suggest you find something to make yourself a bit busier. - Ling




From:  Nick Parnell moans...
Subject:  Wow!
Date:  26/06/09
Moan:  "Did everything just get really expensive today ? Example - Honda CRV I was thinking of used to be £330 ish - now £450. Forget it !"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Nick, yep, Honda have removed lots of subsidy and will replace it with a new subsidy next week. You are observant. Prices move so fast at the moment and there are equally great bargains to be had as they go up and down like prostitute knickers, but it's no good waiting for cars to go up and then moaning. You need to jump when you see a good price. Speed is important. You have no commitment until finance in place and I offer you an order to sign :) ...pls note I also tell you the true figures quickly unlike other firms advertising out of date prices and then disappointing you. CRV will be cheap again next week (I hope). - Ling




From:  MRK moans...
Subject:  Ling
Date:  17/06/09
Moan:  "I find you very attracive."
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is not a moan. It is a stupid comment. Also mis-spelt. I do not deal with idiots, I am artist. - Ling




From:  Rick Blears moans...
Subject:  She's back
Date:  16/06/09
Moan:  "Just when I thought brand values had won, I'm back in the sulk zone. What's this! You get a quadruple Golden Wheeltrim Award for total naffness. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Moaning means openness. The fact that hardly anyone moans is a good indicator of quality of service. All moans are published. Maybe I should switch to Iranian values where moaning is banned? - Ling




From:  Ling Valentine moans...
Subject:  No new moans for ages!!
Date:  07/06/09
Moan:  "It's been 2 whole months since someone posted a new moan! That is good. Just to let everyone know that I monitor this page daily for problems :) - Ling"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Ling, that is correct. Wait a minute, I am Ling! Who are you? Hahaha - this is like looking in a mirror! - Ling




From:  Carly smith moans...
Subject:  change in rental price
Date:  14/04/09
Moan:  "Whilst submitting an application form for a Audi A4 Saloon at around £289, which i thought was a bargin, I have now looked into my update and found that the price of rental has increased to £349.00 + VAT. What the hell is going on, how can the price change so much in one day and after I have applied for the car? This is false advertising!! I am not happy!"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Carly, you are a teacher, but you are not a maths teacher, I think :) The Audi you proposed yesterday has not changed price since 10th Feb 2009. It is now 14th April. I have some pipeline stock which are fixed in price and I aim to allocate one of these cars to you are the price advertised when you are accepted on the finance. I think that the difference you note is VAT which we all have to pay or go to jail. For some reason, you must have been looking at the ex-VAT price which has been £299.99 for over 2 months. Including VAT, this is £344.99. I think this is where you are going wrong. There is no price change and no false advertising. Hope you are happier after reading this. - Ling




From:  JS moans...
Subject:  Your rant about Citroen
Date:  03/04/09
Moan:  "Ling I was disappointed to see your bad tempered rant against Citroen on the AM forum. Your whole business is built around people choosing new cars after 3, 2 even 1 year. How do you think a manufacturer can apply a £2000 scrappage fee to a car costing £7000 in the first place? Do you work on those kinds of margin? Where is your selection of the sustainable, 9 year old cars you like so much, for lease? "Sheesh, am I mad?" - YOU'RE BARKING! "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahaha, you are a Citroen UK employee! Your IP resolves to PSA Citroen! should really declare that to the World, you know.

Answer: No, no, of course I supply new cars. This is not the problem to me. The big problem is the crushing of perfectly good used cars, just to grab some cash. It is absolutely crazy to crush a car which has years of life left in it. Bad. My rant against Citroen is that they mention the "green" aspects of trading into a new car, then totally omit their greenest cars from the scrapping scheme. If they were serious about this, they would LIMIT it to the greener models in their range, not exclude them. You are wrong. Try again. - Ling




From:  Moaning Mertle moans...
Subject:  Ling's Rant at Citroen.
Date:  01/04/09
Moan:  "In reference to your rant at Ciroen's scrappage plan... I appreciate the validity of your argument from a eco point of view but can't help to wonder at where your commercial reasoning is. Citroen, like any other manufacturer are looking to maintain profitable business practise. If this means manipulating PR then good luck to them. They have the second best average Co2 output across the range, and apart from Renault manufacture more vehicles in ISO14001 accredited factories than anyone else. I can't help but hear the smacking of double standards when you advertise thier products alongside bemoaning business practise. If you don't like it don't sell the product, or maybe Citoren's marketing may stimulate some business in Ling's direction? The pound is mightier than the principle Ling?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahaha, you are a Renault UK employee! Your IP resolves to Regie Renault! should really declare that to the World, you know.

Answer: Absolutely not! You are so wrong. Citroen may have some of the least-polluting cars - but it is exactly those lowest-co2 cars which consumers CANNOT buy on this dubious scrapping scheme. Having crushed a perfectly good 1999 Fiesta in return for a £2,000 bribe (carefully offset by three price rises in 2009, the last one this very day, probably a complete coincidence), a rebadged Japanese-built Mitsubishi sale is saved. Crushing roadworthy cars is absolutely nutty. What would you say if a perfectly good house was demolished, simply to build a new one? Would you take a scrappage bribe against that? Would you smash a perfectly good light bulb, just to get 10p off a new one? Why not scrap everything made before 2000? Jeez... this whole attitude about crushing good cars by the motor industry will backfire. Who can justify reusing older plastic bags at the supermarket, yet throwing a perfectly good car away? Does the motor industry live on the same planet as everyone else? The motor car industry including the AA is fuelling a new-car buying drought - as which customer will ever be mad enough to buy a new car while the promise of a £2000 scrapping bonus is being touted? A gross miscalculation like this should see the resignation of the industry body chiefs. Crushing good cars just to sell new ones! Lunacy. Everyone in favour of this should be very ashamed. - Ling




From:  Darren Clark moans...
Date:  31/03/09
Moan:  "Your so right, these guys are very adept at hiding in the least expected places. Last summer, North Wales Police were found to be using a horse box to hide one!! Who would think of looking at an innocent horse box parked alongside a road? I wonder if the Chief Constable in a relative of Ling's!!?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Darren, generally, I support speed cameras. There are a bunch of complete lunatics at Safe Speed (a dying breed) who prefer to guess the quickest speed they can drive at then multiply by 85% ...or something. They are crazies. However, disguising a camera in a horse box is dangerous, the flash could make the horse blind. I have many senior and regular policemen as customers, they are all lovely and they all say they would let me off a speeding fine. How sweet. This is not a real moan, please reserve this page for real moans. - Ling




From:  doad moans...
Subject:  hi ling
Date:  26/03/09
Moan:  "i like your hair"
Ling's View  REPLY:  This is not a moan. If you hated my hair, that would be a moan. Please observe moaning rules. - Ling




From:  Simon Heath moans...
Subject:  Big engined cars.
Date:  24/03/09
Moan:  "I'm fed up of the government giving money away to big companies. Don't you think the government should stop us all driving big V8s etc? As well as wrecking the environment they cost so much it would be for our own financial protection. We'd have enough money to buy 2 or 3 smaller cars, say one a coupe like a Scirocco (which is cool and fast for the weekend) and one a mini MPV like a Modus for trips to the dump & holidays, and a purple/chrome Fiesta for commuting? With change left over for solar panels. PS Love your site, might be back to lease a car once I've worked through the mess of company car tax rules for flat rate vat, ltd company, first year capital allowances etc etc. Grrr. Please make a calculator to stop my head exploding."
Ling's View  REPLY:  Simon, I have no interest in bloody allowances. They are all nonsense. What I really hate at the moment is the Industry's call for a "scrappage" scheme. All in all, this scrappage scheme is a short-term, short-sighted fix to a much larger problem created by overproduction, blinkered design, and greed. You have to ask, why not take it a step further and pay people substantial cash bonuses to scrap perfectly good TVs, fridges, radios and kettles, or even subsidise people swapping old knickers for new at Marks and Spencer? Clearly this whole rationale is complete, utter economic madness. Glad you like my site! A calculator is available for peanuts at a pound shop. This is not really a moan, more like a rant. - Ling




From:  Andrew moans...
Subject:  My house is a mess
Date:  19/03/09
Moan:  "Hi ling Although i dont have an issue with your service, i thought that i would use this to have a moan about my cleaner not turning up yesterday to clean my house. I am lazy so doing this myself in not an option. I now hate my cleaner, but dont tell her incase she doesnt come again. ;-)"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Andrew... Cleaner is like performance art with dead skin. If you clean your one room bedsit yourself, you ruin the art of cleaning. This is an intelligent question about boy-management from someone who appreciates true cleanliness and neatness, like my website. You should get your performance art lazy handy-boy cleaner a nice small car like a Matiz. This would ensure prompt cleaning attention and regular return visits. What is the sound of one hand clapping, dumb-dumb? In China all cleaners are Filipinos. This is not a real website moan, so you should not post here. - Ling




From:  Gary Hunter moans...
Subject:  Sleep
Date:  13/03/09
Moan:  "Ling its Gary from LeaseCarsDirect, We are fierce competitors yet still friends, but i must ask you get more sleep as the more you work and innovate the more I have to and we are so close in our rankings....I have a nice holiday company in Have a break....on me! My kids dont get to see me I'm now telling them its cos you dont I can't. "
Ling's View  REPLY:  Gary, well, this is true, I will steal your customers in a blink. But, this is what makes our industry so good for customers. Some finance companies, the BVRLA and some asshole car brokers want to "control" the car supply to people like you and me which means HIGHER prices for customers. I will stand together with you against any damn restriction in competition by these cartel industries. I do not sleep, I am superhuman, hahahaha. This is not a moan! You should stop bloody posting shit to get a free hyperlink for some holiday company hehe. Nit. Go and sell some cars, drink coffee, stop sleeping, you need to catch up with me! - Ling




From:  Jim law moans...
Subject:  Your feet
Date:  12/03/09
Moan:  "They look too big for your body... what are you a size 13? :)"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Hahahahahhaaha. Jim, I have big feet for a Chinese. But, I wear bovver boots that are too big. This is so I can kick car dealers when the mess up, or else my feet get very sore :). This is not a moan, it is a comment. Only bloody moans on this page!!!! Can everyone pay attention? - Ling




From:  death will be a pleasant optiion moans...
Subject:  stop spamming me you fuckwit
Date:  12/03/09
Moan:  "stop spamming me you fuckwit"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Well, nice person called Death... I am not fuckwit, I am Ling. I do not send these emails, myself. I spend a limited amount on opt-in marketing, the sends are from an outside company. I make sure the email contains a gift offer, and that they are very entertaining, not the usual rubbish. So, this is not spam. If the company has your email by a mistake (they insist not), the "remove" link does work so you should use it. I have tested it with my own email addresses. If you don't click remove, I cannot see how they can remove you... sometimes you can send a blind man to the cinema, but even then he may ignore the soundtrack. You may be able to tell from this reply, that I care about this, I do not ignore you even though you are rude and uninspiring person. - Ling




From:  Siraj moans...
Subject:  PRICES
Date:  09/03/09
Moan:  "Hi Why is the Audi A3 Sportback 1.6 Technik 5 Door cheaper here: (£229.00 p/m) Thanks"
Ling's View  REPLY:  First, for everyoune reading this, this is not a set-up question. It is real.

Now, it is not cheaper at Keyvehiclemanagement, it is dearer. They are blatantly lying to say they have the cheaper prices. They are representing ex-vat which is quite ILLEGAL to private users, so that it confuses you. Deliberately. You have to add in 15% vat, which makes them more expensive than me. These are the lying and cheating techniques that even the supplier of these cars to Key Vehicle Management tried to outlaw last week, after consultations with me. You will pay more with them.

They are £263.35, I am £258.74 a month inc VAT. All other things are equal. Hope that clarifies it, Siraj :) The legislation info is below:

According to Gateshead Trading Standards, The Pricing Practices Guide made under the "Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008" requires that:

'All price indications you give to consumers, by whatever means, should include VAT. This total price must be displayed prominently so that consumers can see it.

Prices may ONLY be indicated exclusive of VAT at an outlet or through advertisements from which ALL of your business is with business customers.' - Ling




From:  Debbie Hayman moans...
Subject:  Quote
Date:  02/03/09
Moan:  "You have my name and my postcode on a quote on your website but I have never used your site or service - please get this quote removed from your site as soon as possible or I will instruct lawyers to do this for you. Thank you"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Debbie, yes you did. You sent me an email a few years ago saying: "Fab site, really brightened up my day! Well done you! We need more of these." Debbie Hayman, Park Royal, *** *** debbie@****.**.** I could not publish unless you sent it. I certainly never make anything up, that is more effort than publishing real comments! Also, you gave me your address and email. I did not publish full address and I made sure the email was not represented so it could be spammed. Once again, you choose to output your name publicly in the "moan" section where you can see the moans get publicised. However, Your quote is being removed today, no problem at all. This quote has been there at least 3 years. I agree this moan has some validity, in that you want your message removed, but that is a request, not a moan. As you sent me the message to begin with (probably applying noodles, cash or quiz), then really, you must have some responsibility. - Ling




From:  John Smith moans...
Subject:  test
Date:  23/02/09
Moan:  "im am moaning to test this?"
Ling's View  REPLY:  It works, thicko! :) - Ling




From:  paul moans...
Subject:  autos
Date:  23/02/09
Moan:  "hi sorry if i'm a bit thick but i can't find the list of autos u used to do?? thanks paul"
Ling's View  REPLY:  Paul, no problem. Thick customers a speciality!!! Hope by "Autos" you mean automatics, (not autos=cars), I never know as there are dozens of bloody Americans visiting here.
If you go to the price list tab, you can find a convenient sorting tool just above the price list. Below is an image of it. I have highlighted the "Auto" selection tool and made it look like a gearstick for customers who can't read.

Hope this helps, Paul. - Ling
CLICK! See 328 clients live in LINGO!
Online Service
Response Times
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  HRS : MINUTES sec  
  HRS : MINUTES sec Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
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Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
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Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!, you know who I am
- Ling


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Wah! An estimated 8 million drivers in bloody annoying Blitish could be set to benefit from cheaper, lah, cleaner motoring after independent pol - news replorted 16:29

Wah! Spaniard Carmen Jorda becomes second woman to join Formula 1 team in back-up role after signing up with Lotus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:22

Wah! German prosecutors investigating Swiss private banking arm of Coutts over allegations it helped clients evade tax. - news replorted 16:14

Wah! World RX at Lydden Hill Tickets now on sale for UK’s only round of mind-blowing FIA World Rallycross Championship presented by Monst - news replorted 16:07

Wah! A Devon councillor who moved to live across bloody Engrish Channel in France faces calls to resign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:06

Wah! A video released by Islamic State group shows destruction of statues said to be ancient artefacts from northern Iraq. - news replorted 15:55

Wah! One of Liverpool FC's sponsors apologises after tweeting version of club's badge replacing Hillsborough eternal flames with coffee cups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:50

Wah! Former Toronto Mayor Rob Floord has put several personal items up for auction, lah, including tie bloody man wore while confessing to smoking crack cocaine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:39

Wah! A window cleaner who tied up pensioner, lah, threatened flemale human person's into silence and stole RMB Yuan #15 is found guilty of robbery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:38

Wah! Madonna is not only famous name to take tumble - bloody woman is joined by Naomi Campbell, lah, Jennifer Lawrence, lah, Neil Kinnock, lah, Bob Dole, lah, Robert Mugabe and Zola Budd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:21

Wah! The new Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate R8 V10 No model bearing four rings is closer to motorsport, lah, none is more striking and more dynamic: at Geneva Motor Sho - news replorted 15:11

Wah! Congress's invitation to Benjamin Netanyahu may rile "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama administration but two countries having fallen out before, lah, BBC's Kevin Connolly writes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:08

Wah! UKIP has requested old bill bobbys bodyguards for Nigel Farage as bloody man prepares to tour country for general election campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:08

Wah! Sinn Féin MLA Cathal Ó hOisín speaks about what it is like to lose baby due to compulsorly dying instantly foetal abnormality. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:02

Wah! The older brother of Jimmy Savile was implicated in seven sex attacks at south London's Springfield Hospital, lah, report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:58

Wah! Nigeria's main presidential challenger Muhammadu Buhari rules out negotiating with Boko Haram militants if bloody man wins elections next month. - news replorted 14:48

Wah! Loans from China to Latin America rose by 71% to $22bn in 2014, lah, new figures from China-Latin America finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan Database suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:48

Wah! Five ways to force mystery drone to land - news replorted 14:44

Wah! The judge in inquest into deaths of seven British men killed in 2013 Algerian hostage crisis begins giving male gender human bleing's verdicts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:37

Wah! Newcastle midfielder Jonas Gutierrez could make male gender human bleing's first league appearance on Saturday since overcoming cancer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:37

Wah! Many of firm's smart TVs were unable to connect to servers for two days after problem emerged as firm carried out security update. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:32

Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's First dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon says bloody woman has "full confidence" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in old bill bobbys boss Sir Stephen House who has come under fire over stop-search figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:31

Wah! Hyundai Motor will live stream its 2015 Geneva Motor Show press conference for World Premiere of bold and athlet - news replorted 14:27

Wah! Jimmy Savile's brother, lah, Johnny, lah, was also abusing patients investigation reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:22

Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land still searching for their first World Cup win after suffering shock one-wicket defeat by Afghanistan in Dunedin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:21

Wah! Exercise passports, lah, proper rest, lah, compulsory head-guards for juniors, lah, return to rucking? Tom Fordyce gauges opinion across sport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:21

Wah! A devastating disease that has wiped out amphibians around world has been discovered in Madagascar, lah, scientists report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:21

Wah! There growing fears that fighty bang-bang in Gaza strip could start again. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:21

Wah! CarCliq REVOLUTIONARY LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine sales website annoying Blitish and CAP, lah, UK’s leader in vehicling driving car machine valuation, lah, having joined forces to match - news replorted 14:07

Wah! A German former nurse, lah, who admits killing more than 30 patients with lethal drug overdoses, lah, has been jailed for life by court in Lower Saxony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:03

Wah! New Rondla Civic Rondla (UK) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has today announced launch pricing for new Swindon-built Civic, lah, which is set to hit, bloody dealering idiot place forecourts in - news replorted 13:54

Wah! A judge rules that airline cannot delay payment of compensation due to passengers for delayed flights, lah, setting precedent for thousands of similar claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:50

Wah! Chickens growing resistant to antibiotics used to treat bugs which cause food poisoning, lah, according to new report covering 28 EU countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:49

Wah! Council orders Dumbarton lollipop man to stop "high-fiving" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) children as they cross road, lah, due to safety fears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:32

Wah! Pope Francis has been widely praised for male gender human bleing's no-nonsense approach, lah, but male gender human bleing's off-the-cuff remarks having sparked criticism in recent months, lah, as Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News explains - news replorted 13:27

Wah! Serbian player Zarko Udovicic was threatened at gunpoint by male gender human bleing's team's own fans after missing penalty, lah, FIFPro say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:24

Wah! A former Syrian doctor admits having hoard of explosive ingredients and instructions on how to prepare bombs in Edinburgh. - news replorted 13:18

Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land will need clock time result to getting over disappointment of their World Cup defeat by Afghanistan, lah, says captain Preston Mommsen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:14

Wah! Details having emerged of footage filmed by Paris gunman Amedy Coulibaly during bloody rampage inside Jewish supermarket, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:00

Wah! Today's investigation into Jimmy Savile reveals how male gender human bleing's criminal behaviour "was facilitated by dodgy ministers or civil servants". - news replorted 13:00

Wah! Jason Plato Two of most successful drivers in history of British Touring LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Championship, lah, Jason Plato and Matt Neal, lah, wi - news replorted 13:00

Wah! What's best way to elegantly fall over? - news replorted 12:51

Wah! Charlton investigating online footage appearing to show couple having sex on club's pitch. - news replorted 12:48

Wah! Britain's Andy Murray loses 6-1 6-3 to teenager Borna Coric, lah, ranked 84 in world, lah, in Dubai Championships quarter-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:43

Wah! It's Caption Challenge. What the hell I mean??!! Oh yes it is. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:41

Wah! Ukraine's Tommy Atkins Liberation Army is starting withdrawal of heavy weapons from front line in east as part of ceasefire, lah, defence ministry in Kiev says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:38

Wah! McLaren expect Fernando Alonso to recover from male gender human bleing's crash and race in season-opening Australian Grand Prix on 15 March. - news replorted 12:37

Wah! The childhood home of Beatles legend Paul McCartney is to be sold at auction in Liverpool's famous Cavern Club later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:36

Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Radio 1's Official Chart show could move from its Sunday slot following international agreement to release new albums and singles on Fridays. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:32

Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government says it has "agreed in principle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) not to award any more fracking licences in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:30

Wah! An unexploded Second World fighty bang-bang bomb has been discovered close to Borussia Dortmund's Signal Iduna Park ground. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:30

Wah! Five government commissioners selected to intervene at Rotherham Council after report found local authority "not fit for purpose" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over its handling of child sexual exploitation in town. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:28

Wah! Clare Balding says more girls should work in sport - news replorted 12:21

Wah! The newsletter is free service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to CV Show exhibitors and is distributed to wide network of commercial vehicling driving car machine media - news replorted 12:18

Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Hindi's Ankur Jain explains how human bliengs in city of Ahmedabad in western Indian state of Gujarat dealing with deadly outbreak of swine flu. - news replorted 12:04

Wah! Kainos, lah, Belfast-based IT firm, lah, has announced major expansion that will create 403 new jobs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:01

Wah! Members of German parliament from Chancellor Merkel's party overwhelmingly back further help for Greece in test ballot before Friday's vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:00

Wah! Peter Horne will replace banned Finn Russell at fly-half as ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land make four changes to face Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:56

Wah! Cisco, lah, Apple, lah, McAfee and Citrix having all been dropped from China's official list of approved products, lah, according to Reuters news agency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:54

Wah! Ducati Riding Experience 2015 edition of Ducati Riding Experience, lah, riding school that Ducati has been organising for over 10 years, lah, i - news replorted 11:54

Wah! Autorola bloody annoying Blitish is introducing direct debit-only policy for trade buyers, lah, which is set to reduce clock time result taken between - news replorted 11:49

Wah! A lack of evidence means there no conclusions from investigations into possible abuse during school visits by Jimmy Savile. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:46

Wah! 2001 Rover Milli Cooper Brand new classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine auction house CCA will be offering more than 80 stunning classic cars at its launch sale on monthly number-three - news replorted 11:44

Wah! An Al-Jazeera journalist is to appear in French court accused of flying drone illegally over Paris as mystery continues over night-time drone flights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:35

Wah! Ross McEwan is running capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity that in many respects is on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu to recovery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:33

Wah! A QC-led review will be held into collapse of old bill bobbys corruption trial which followed wrongful conviction of three men for murder of Cardiff prostitute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:31

Wah! John Cutler of Premier Cabs new fleet of 100% electric Nissling LEAF taxis has gone into service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in Blackpool 130 years after tourist resort int - news replorted 11:26

Wah! The Islamic State militant known as "Jihadi John", lah, who has been pictured in videos of beheadings of Western hostages, lah, is named as Mohammed Emwazi from London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:25

Wah! The search for missing 11-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy in Carmarthenshire river is being scaled back, lah, 10 days after it first began, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:17

Wah! Tillakaratne Dilshan and Kumar Sangakkara score hundreds as Sri Lanka beat Bangladesh by 92 runs in their World Cup game in Melbourne. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:16

Wah! A Great Satan judge tells actress Lindsay Lohan that community service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service bloody woman did in London (capital of Great England) last year did not count - and bloody woman must 125 hours more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:55

Wah! Inter Milan coach Roberto Mancini is delighted with form of male gender human bleing's side ahead of Celtic's Europa League visit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:54

Wah! Business investment in bloody annoying Blitish falls for second quarter in row, lah, recording biggest fall since 2009. - news replorted 10:43

Wah! old bill bobbys and social services severely criticised in reports into man who killed three generations of family, lah, including male gender human bleing's own baby daughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:22

Wah! MINI and Jaime Hayon present Urban Perspectives For this year’s Salone del Mobile, lah, MINI has teamed up with Spanish designer and artist Jaime Hayon to present install - news replorted 10:13

Wah! Teeth extracted from King John set to go on display as part of 800th anniversary of Magna Carta. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:08

Wah! The Duke of Cambridge has arrived in Tokyo as part of week-long trip to Japan and China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:07

Wah! A court in Bahrain sentences three Shia Muslims to death for last year's bomb attack that killed three old bill bobbys and hurtee-hurtee another 13, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:50

Wah! Mercedes-Benz Econic While other manufacturers scrabble to bring to market trucks adapted to work in urban environments, lah, Mercedes-Benz Ec - news replorted 09:45

Wah! Jimmy Savile abused 63 human bliengs from Stoke Mandeville Hospital, lah, but one formal complaint was ignored, lah, report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:36

Wah! Net migration to bloody annoying Blitish has risen to 298,000, lah, its highest level since before 2010 general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:35

Wah! The hunt for missing Bristol teenager, lah, who has not been seen for week, lah, is to continue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:29

Wah! A wave of chargepoints to support fast-growing popularity of plug-in vehicling driving car machines will be installed across bloody annoying Blitish after - news replorted 09:28

Wah! Volkswagen Amarok ambulance Volkswagen’s commercial vehicling driving car machines come to rescue of companies and individuals on daily basis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:26

Wah! The woman whose gang rape was filmed and shared - news replorted 08:50

Wah! Vintageant winner at finish line winner of Classics division of inaugural road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu to Mandalay Rally was decided on final day with just one s - news replorted 08:47

Wah! Treviso centre Enrico Bacchin and Zebre winger Michele Visentin will make their Italy debuts against ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:46

Wah! The cause of compulsorly dying instantly crash which saw microlight aircraft plunge to ground after take off remains mystery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:44

Wah! Peter Moelgg Peter Moelgg has been appointed to position of President of Engineering GKN Automotive, lah, covering GKN Driveline - news replorted 08:32

Wah! The Public Prosecution service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says it is standing by its decision not to prosecute two human bliengs in connection with toddler's "non-accidental" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) death. - news replorted 08:31

Wah! The SsangYong Tivoli On behalf of SsangYong Motor Company, lah, we invite you tellibly lovely custlingmer to attend press conference and international media launch of - news replorted 08:30

Wah! Leading specialist automotive, lah, motorsport and classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine PR agency Influence Associates continues to grow with multiple - news replorted 08:27

Wah! Plans for major offshore wind farms project in Outer Moray Firth dealt blow after developer fails to secure bloody annoying Blitish government deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:25

Wah! Afghan rescuers searching for dozens of human bliengs believed to be trapped under snow after series of avalanches that killed at least 187 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:23

Wah! Laurie Graham, lah, whose husband suffers from dementia, lah, says having partner with disease is "like having child". - news replorted 08:15

Wah! The new Wolwo XC90 Wolwo LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Group (Volvo Cars) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! expects sales and profitability to show clear improvement in 2015, lah, driven by continued gr - news replorted 08:00

Wah! MG’s latest, bloody dealering idiot place too busy to party, lah, WAH! MG has appointed its first new, bloody dealering idiot place in 2015 – but staff too busy taking new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine orders to celebrate, lah, WAH! - news replorted 08:00

Wah! Israeli PM's judgment on stance of Iran nuclear talks 'may not be correct', lah, Great Satan Secretary of State John Kerry says, lah, as row with Great Satan deepens. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:52

Wah! Super-Duper-Chinese-State computer maker Lenovo becomes victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of cyber-attack following warning by Great Satan government about software called Superfish. - news replorted 07:43

Wah! South Korea's top court revokes 60-earth-years old happy birthday to you, adultery law under which cheating spouses could be jailed, lah, saying it is unconstitutional. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:28

Wah! bloody annoying Blitish state-owned capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity RBS reports RMB Yuan #3.5bn loss for 2014, lah, down from RMB Yuan #9bn loss previous year - news replorted 07:22

Wah! Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Electricity say two workers were threatened by masked men in Londonderry last night and ordered to take suspect package to old bill bobbys station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:20

Wah! Washington DC becomes latest place in Great Satan to legalise possession and using of small amounts of cannabis, lah, stoking tensions with Congress. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:11

Wah! Maths results for Key Stage 3 pupils across Welsh land of sheep and more sheep having improved over past five years, lah, Estyn report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:49

Wah! The number of under-18s being referred for mental health treatment more than doubles in four years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:44

Wah! Paralympic champion Kelly Gallagher's guide Charlotte Evans misses Para-alpine World Championships with concussion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:43

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs bowler Steven Finn welcomes plans for Big Bash-style franchise Twenty20 league in bloody Engrish cricket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:42

Wah! old bill bobbys carry out major operation against gangs selling drugs in some of Belfast's best known parks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:35

Wah! Afghanistan claim (always claiming, huh?) their first World Cup victory with thrilling one-wicket win over ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land with three balls to spare. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:14

Wah! A suicide attack on Turkish embassy vehicling driving car machine in Afghan capital, lah, Kabul, lah, kills at least one, lah, local officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:14

Wah! People using mobile phones while driving may be more likely to be sending texts or using social media than making phone call, lah, Department for Transport says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:28

Wah! Russia signs deal with Cyprus that gives Russian navy ships access to Cypriot ports, lah, with Vladimir Putin saying "there is no need to worry". - news replorted 04:23

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs women beat New Zealand by nine wickets in Lincoln to level one-day series at 2-2 with one match remaining. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 04:17

Wah! All-new Wolwo XC90 Wolwo LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Group (Volvo Cars) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has reported 17.4 per cent increase in operating profit for 2014 to 2,252 MSEK, lah, compared - news replorted 04:00

Wah! Who were real winners and losers at Brit Awards? - news replorted 03:17

Wah! MPs in Argentina vote on bill to replace intelligence agency with new service, lah, following row over mysterious death of prosecutor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:34

Wah! A North Korean shipping capitalist entity has renamed and reflagged its vessels in attempt to getting around sanctions, lah, UN report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:15

Wah! A leaked draft of what European Union wantings excluded from new trade deal with United States is obtained by BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 02:14

Wah! A Pakistani rape victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) says bloody woman has been forced to seek justice after rapists filmed and released video of act online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:46

Wah! David Cameron has described himself as fun and optimistic as bloody man made pitch to win over women voters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:39

Wah! Former Guatemalan President Alfonso Portillo is released from jail in United States after serving sentence for taking $2.5m in bribes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:34

Wah! Europe's approval system for GM crops is "fundamentally flawed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and should be overhauled, lah, say MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:31

Wah! Energy drinks should be banned for children under 16, lah, according to campaign and research group Action on Sugar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:26

Wah! Health experts argue ban on smoking in indoor public spaces should be extended to cover outdoor spaces such as parks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:23

Wah! Actor and theatre director Kevin Spacey will be honoured with special prize at this year's Olivier Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:19

Wah! A paratrooper who showed "complete disregard" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for male gender human bleing's own safety during Taliban attack in Afghanistan is awarded Victoria Cross. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:19

Wah! The TV licence does not having long-term future and is likely to be replaced by new levy within next 15 years, lah, group of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:18

Wah! Restoring former glories of 18-storey railway station - news replorted 01:01

Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation World service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service economics correspondent Andrew Walker look as impact on Asian countries of falling price of oil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:51

Wah! Most Nato members cutting defence spending - even with increasing tensions in Russia, lah, writes Jonathan Beale - news replorted 00:48

Wah! In 2016, lah, new government will having to decide whether to continue to invest in Trident programme - and this could be key issue in hung Parliament, lah, says BBC's Mark Mardell. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:46

Wah! How disabled boy keeps up with male gender human bleing's funny shape ball-game peers - news replorted 00:40

Wah! News of developments in old bill bobbys probe into abuse claim (always claiming, huh?) made against Sir Cliff Richard, lah, and pictures of Britain's newest Victoria Cross winner, lah, occupy Thursday's front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:36

Wah! Domestic abuse silly kick-kick game chant causes anger in Spain - news replorted 00:15

Wah! Documents seized from Osama Bin Laden's compound presented at New York trial of Pakistani man accused of bomb plots in Great Satan and Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:13

Wah! Remembering man who invented word dinosaur - news replorted 00:10

Wah! The bronzes looted from Nigeria - and in one case returned - news replorted 00:09

Wah! Marigold Hotel stars happy to be back for sequel - news replorted 00:08

Wah! Australia's national carrier Qantas has reported its best half-year profit in four years as turnaround plans come to fruition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:05

Wah! A British soldier serving in Afghanistan has been awarded Victoria Cross, lah, highest honour for gallantry in face of enemy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:03

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