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Customer car leasing letters    shout about 1350 customer letters!    Customer car leasing letters
More customer letters than any other car sales site IN THE WHOLE WORLD! - Ling

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Showing Letters from Nottingham
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Customer Letter: 1402 / 1528
Matthew says...
VOLKSWAGEN SCIROCCOLing why don't you leave a bag of dog poo on the big companies door step and set it on fire so when they stamp it out they get dog muck on their shoe! YOU ROCK!!!!

Good delivery of my Scirocco, very good and polite.

Matthew Rigby
3 Gwenbrook Ave
Chilwell, Beeston

Editor Note: Hahaha! That may be going a bit too far, even from me. Many of the big companies actually resemble a bag of dog poo, how did you know this? Even so, we had a great time, Matt, and I am glad you seem to love the Scirocco. As a heating and ventilation engineer, I have to say you blew hot and cold. Hahaha! :) Hope the Scirocco aircon works, eh? - Ling

Customer Letter: 1258 / 1528
Jason says...
FORD MONDEOLing. This has been a totally hassle-free procedure from start to finish. My new Mondeo is fantastic, your customer service cannot be faulted. I have gone form an old MING mobile to a brand new LING mobile in a few easy steps. See you soon. Good delivery, the car was driven to me and had 180 miles on the clock.

Jason Keetley
21 Coppice Road

Editor Note: Jay, you are the owner of a Shoe and Key shop in the UK gun capital, Nottingham. Therefore, I supplied the SVO Mondeo version (Iraq model) with anti-ballistic glass and bulletproof doors. Hope you like. Make sure you don't use the CS gas dispensers in a built-up area. Roof-mounted machinegun mount was removed at your request, are you sure that wasn't a mistake? If you need a new key, why not cut it yourself? Have a great time in the Mondeo :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 1248 / 1528
Daniel says...
 5 Star service, Ling!

A lovely brand new Peugeot 307CC delivered to my door, all via a few clicks of my mouse! You forgot to mention that the 307CC is a top of the range 130bhp 2.0 with leather, cruise, bluetooth and more toys!. Thanks again, excellent delivery.

Daniel Asker
Address Withheld
NG4 ***

Editor Note: Hahahahahaha! Dan; you got more than you bargained for. I thought I would surprise you as I got the chance to grab some higher-spec cars and said YES, so how nice to get loads of stuff you didn't pay for - you only paid £206.99 a month for this car. So cheap! Get you top off, and get cruising :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 1213 / 1528
Anthony says...
MAZDA MX-5Although we had problems with the dealer obtaining the car, Ling made me feel like I was her only customer trying to get the best deal. I would use her over and over again, and recommend to anyone. If all businesses were like Ling, the country wouldn't be in this mess. Poor delivery on my Mazda 5, due to the dealer.

Anthony Shipley
18 Jumelles Drive
NG14 6QD

Editor Note: Save the Mazda MX5, save the world :) I am auditioning with Gordon Brown for the next series of "Heroes". My special power will be to kill car dealers with just one glance. I am sick and tired of the state of UK car dealers letting the side down, when will they (ever) improve??? I blame my tools, and these tools are not very sharp tools! Tony, you at least have a car suitable for Global Warming. Get the top down :) Br careful, you are in the UK gun capital. Use the MX-5 power to swerve away from incoming rounds. - Ling

Customer Letter: 1120 / 1528
Assim says...
 I was delighted to be buying from the amusing Ling, a truly independent company. She was the cheapest in the market but offered the best level of service, without any of the pushy sales staff - amazing. I am not sure about the Lingo system and Ling - are you really replying to all those emails yourself. The Lingo system does not work with Blackberry too well. I will definitely and have already passed your website to friends. Good delivery, the dealer dropped the Antara off well and were very helpful. Thanks Ling

Assim Ishaque Limited
Renewal House
3 Hawksworth Road

Editor Note: Assim, of course I reply everything! You can see me on the office webcams, typing away like mad! :) In the background, my team is chasing dealers and fin companies etc. I'm glad you thought I had best level of service. Hope you enjoy the Antara. I have given you hyperlink for your business, Envirup, which is a dynamic and client focused Environmental Consultancy. It delivers pragmatic, innovative and cost effective solutions to improve the clients Environmental Sustainability profile. They will benefit from improved profitability, reduced environmental impact and enhanced environmental credibility. - Ling

Customer Letter: 927 / 1528
Gordon says...
CarI was slightly apprehensive about entering into a lease car contract. However, all my anxieties were calmed as I entered into communication with "Ling".

Her easy but efficient business manner inspired my confidence. My Nissan Qashqai was delivered on time as promised in "Mint" condition. I would have no hesitation in recommending friends, family or business contacts to deal with Ling's company.

Delivery was excellent, the car arrived on time as promised - that is the correct way to treat a customer.

Gordon McKellar
10 Valerian Way
NG13 8UR

Editor Note: Thanks for that comprehensive letter, Gordon. I do understand it can be a big decision and daunting to trust me with a new car, but that is why this letters page is so great. Other customers can read your letter and get confidence to make up their own minds. Thanks again. Have a lovely time in the Qashqai. - Ling

Customer Letter: 914 / 1528
Ian says...
CarAlthough slightly mad, Ling is very efficient! I sorted my new Honda Civic Type-R out with only a few emails and a couple of docs to sign. The car turned up nearly four-weeks early and with a free scratch, too! I would recommend Ling without problem. Delivery was average, the car had a scratch and was dirty.

Ian Finney
Penhale Embroidery
Unit 2, Evans Yard

Editor Note: Hmmm, I have shouted at the supplier and they instantly agreed to fix the scratch. I also shouted at them because the car was dirty. You sent me the picture of the scratch, below... but I also show an example of your embroidery. I would recommend your company to anyone who needs quality logos or designs, embroidered on clothing. Just want one Polo Shirt for a special occasion? Gang of friends want a few “On Tour” T-Shirts? Birthday gift of a Bath Robe? No problem for Penhale! Thanks for the letter, Ian! I give you hyperlink to help make up for having to wash the car.
Honda scratch Penhale Embroidery - what a client!
- Ling

Customer Letter: 882 / 1528
Claire says...
CarThank you so much, Ling. The Citroen Relay is very good. Excellent service. Excellent delivery.

Regency Moulding & Fireplaces Ltd
Old Town Hall
Station Road

Editor Note: Wow, Claire, such a short letter, but straight to the point. This is your third van from me. That's brill. Talk again soon - for your fourth! :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 867 / 1528
Gordon says...
CarHello Ling, many thanks for your help in securing the registration number for my impending Nissan Qashqai. I am more than impressed by your efficiency in dealing with client problems. It is very inspiring to witness at first hand the speed in which you respond with advice and guidance to daily business. A grateful client, thank you Ling.

Gordon McKellar
address withheld
NG13 ***

Editor Note: Wow, a lovely letter and I haven't even delivered the bloody car yet! :) No problem, I try to do things as fast as possible, Gordon. Don't get shot in Nottingham while you are waiting for your car. - Ling

Customer Letter: 865 / 1528
Antonio says...
CarThank you very much for a great service. All the paperwork was quick and easy. Delivery of my new Lexus IS 220 was excellent - even free training on how to use all the gadgets. Extremely good. I would recommend LINGsCARS to anyone (I'm doing it!).

Antonio Moreira
24 Crusader House
Thurland Street

Editor Note: Tony, you are a bloody star, thanks for passing my name around, I appreciate it. Your Lexus was cheap, fast and is a beautiful new car - I hope you are very happy with it. As you are a database administrator in the gun capital of the UK (hehehe), I appreciate your comments about my service. We both know the answer to EVERYTHING is "a database". - Ling

Customer Letter: 840 / 1528
Claire says...
CarHiya Ling, Thank you so much, again! We just placed an order for another van (a Citroen Relay, your 3rd van from me - Ling) as your service exceeded our expectations. Excellent delivery. Many thanks.

Regency Moulding & Fireplaces Ltd
Old Town Hall
Station Road

Editor Note: Wow!!!! That;'s 3 x vans. I am so proud when customers like you come back, Claire. It shows I can give consistently good service. I hope these vans earn their keep. Lovely to deal with you, thanks for the letter! - Ling

Customer Letter: 777 / 1528
Victoria says...
CarSorry for taking an age to send this letter - I've been busy enjoying my new Audi Q7!

I just wanted to say how easy you made getting my Q7. Excellent service, a fantastic experience dealing with you - so simple and excellent communication, too! My car was delivered on time in excellent condition. Cheers.

Victoria Bainbridge
56 High Street
NG15 7AX

Editor Note: Vicki, well, you are a Director of Specsavers. I am so happy you didn't tell me you should have gone to Specsavers for your new car :). These Audi Q7s are lovely cars, so big and comfy - but fast and sporty 4x4s, too. Enjoy it! I will avoid Vision Express in the future :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 757 / 1528
Steve says...

What can I say about Ling? As mad as a hatter but very helpful and on the ball when it comes to getting everything organised. I think Ling must sleep in the office, as whenever I emailed I got a response within minutes, sometimes seconds. Got my two Fiat Grande Puntos an I am very happy, with Ling's help... and her team as well (sorry team). Bit of a mix up on delivery but all OK in the end.

Steve Wardle
Diamond Design & Print
Unit M21D Ash Court
Moorgreen Industrial Park
Engine Lane
NG16 3QU

Editor Note: Steve, I am typing this from my bed in my office :) The mix-up was a scratch on one of the cars before delivery, so I simply organised delivery of an identical car and advised you of the reg number change. Hope these two Grande Puntos do a great job for your company. Glad to be mad a s a hatter (whatever a "hatter" is). I should Google it. - Ling

Customer Letter: 724 / 1528
Clair says...
CarLove the car, Ling!

Great service from you, bright red makes it look like a Royal Mail car, I just need to get a uniform now. Thank you, see you in 2-year's time.

Clair Repton
25 Wensleydale Close
NG31 8FH

Editor Note: Pat, oooops, I mean Clair, I have included a picture of you, your cat and your new BMW 1-series, below. You will have lots of time to enjoy it, while you are on strike :) Thanks for the letter which arrived chewed, open, and 4 weeks late.
image - Ling

Customer Letter: 649 / 1528
Peter says...
CarHi Ling!

Sorry for the delay - been having too much fun with my new toy! (definitely a superb car to drive, I'd recommend it to anyone).

Anyway, the main point of this email is to thank you very much for your efforts in acquiring this car for me.

There were times in recent weeks when I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get it and you must have got sick of me keep asking when, when, when... so thank you again for your patience.

Even though the deal seemed to take ages from start to finish, I do realise that it was down to events that you had no control over (ie. holidays, shortage of Ford cars etc).

Rest assured, I will have no hesitation in recommending your services to anyone I know who is considering car leasing (personal or business). Hopefully, if I'm still in employment in 3 years time, (and you're still in the business), you'll be hearing from me again regarding a replacement and I promise I'll try to be more patient next time round.

So, best wishes for the future and keep up the brilliant website.

Peter Graham Kirkpatrick
108 Denton Avenue
NG31 7SH

Editor Note: Peter, yes, everyone has been saying these Mondeos are lovely cars, they are just starting to come through. Ford have been having difficulties (like most manufacturers always do with new cars) and supplies are difficult. I will still be here in 3-years, unless I'm on a tropical island, drinking Bailey's and watching another sunset :) Thanks for being patient! - Ling

Customer Letter: 622 / 1528
Claire says...
CarHiya Ling! Everything has been great. You were so helpful with everything. We will be needing another van soon, so I will be in touch! We had a really good deal from you, thanks. Fantastic delivery.

Claire Sheridan
Regency Moulding and Fireplaces Ltd
Old Town Hall
Station Road

Editor Note: Claire, yes, your van was very cheap. These Berlingos are great value. I do loads. Also, you got a good deal because your van had CD, electric windows, ABS and central locking. I wonder how many fireplaces you can fit in the back? I give you a bloody hyperlink to your website! Talk soon :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 598 / 1528
Paul says...
CarHi Ling. Would you believe I've had yet another windscreen fitted (£60 excess) last Friday, but the car is fine and enjoyable. I have recommended you to lots of "cash for car" hopefuls - they like your website; informative and to the point without jargon no-one understands. The fact that we can speak to someone personally and not a salesman, tells you all. Mercedes was delivered on time - immaculate. Thanks for the meals, hole in one!

Paul Wilson
19 Lascelles Ave

Editor Note: Paul, well you are unlucky with screens, in Nottingham it may be bullets that are cracking them :). Keep your head down in your car, heheh. Thanks for the lovely comments, no problem feeding you. Enjoy the damn C-Class. - Ling

Customer Letter: 554 / 1528
David says...

Thank you for sorting me out with a new SAAB Sportwagon in very quick time. I realise I only gave you under two weeks to arrange it... but you worked hard to ensure my car was ready when I needed it.

Thanks again,

David Grant
21 Lamb Close
NG24 4RT

Editor Note: Pay attention everyone! I cannot always deliver this fast. David contacted me just at the right time, so I could do this. He was also quite perfect with supplying the proofs and info I required.

So, David, you have a lovely new SAAB Sportswagon 9-3 estate, eh? Hope you are pleased with the 150bhp diesel and the Airflow spec :) - get driving! - Ling

Customer Letter: 531 / 1528
Nigel says...
 "Hi Ling, We would like to say a very big thank you for your help and assistance in leasing our Vauxhall Astra SRi. This was the first time leasing a car and your help and advice was invaluable throughout! Your friendly and professional service was exceptional, as was your relentless sense of humour.

When we originally embarked on leasing a car we trawled the Internet for the best price, and we came across, run by a crazy Chinese lady (!) with an interest in nuclear missiles. However, I'm glad we did, as we found not only the best price on the car we were looking for, but also a personal service which was second to none. Ling responded to all our emails almost immediately, giving advice where needed and always signing off with the obligatory Chinese humour.

All in all we were fully informed throughout and the car was delivered politely and excellently on the set date. I would highly recommend to anybody.

Ling - don't lose the sense of humour and keep up the good work :)"

Nigel Allen
17 Wadsworth Road

Editor Note: Nigel, you are a web project manager at Rolls Royce! I think that is the aero-engine, not the car company. It really pleases me that my website and service is appreciated by someone in your position at a company that makes excellence its trademark. Thanks for the letter! Since you had your car, I have had several more applications for cars with "@rolls-royce" in the email address! Enjoy the bloody fast (and cheap) Astra - Ling

Customer Letter: 413 / 1528
Lee says...
BMW 1-SERIES"Ling, thank you very much for sorting out my new BMW 1-Series - I'm very pleased and I can't wait to order my next car from you. Very pleased with the delivery, excellent! Keep up the good work!"

Lee Merrin
1 Park Street
Long Eaton
NG10 4NA

Editor Note: Another BMW customer, eh? Last year (2006) I delivered over 100 BMWs. Glad you are pleased, even though another customer told me her 1-Series looks like a donkey! Maybe it's the nose. Take care, Lee! - Ling

Customer Letter: 335 / 1528
Alan says...
MERCEDES C-CLASS SALOON"Ling provided excellent customer service and as competitive a price as I could find. I would always rather deal with a smaller company, than a large one, for better customer service. I would recommend Ling stongly and I will use her again."

Alan Forsyth
53 Crusader House
Thurland Street

Editor Note: Hehehe, you have brand new Mercedes C-class cheaper than any Merc dealer could provide, Alan. Bigger companies not ALWAYS worse, but usually have bigger overheads. Just imagine what a Mercedes-Benz showroom costs to open every day! Have great time in new Merc! - Ling

Customer Letter: 273 / 1528
Malcolm says...
CarWhen I first heard of Ling, it was the "head on the body of a Dalek" that caught my attention (some people say I have similar personality to Dalek - Ling). After contacting her for a quote (for an unlisted car), I found the whole service and flow of communication to be clear and free of jargon. The Mazda 6 was delivered early and all aspects of operation explained - excellent! Where so many companies employ faceless people with personality bypasses, it is great do deal with a human being (I not often called THAT! - Ling). I will recommend Ling to anyone who is looking for a new car, without hesitation.

Malcolm McDonald
8 St Lawrence Boulevard
Radcliffe on Trent
NG12 2DY

Editor Note: You very bloody kind customer, Malcolm, you write very sweet letter. Nottingham very dangerous place, you should take care. Maybe I rent you Dalek body for protection on mean streets - Ling

Customer Letter: 265 / 1528
Malcolm says...
CarLing, the car (Mazda 6 - Ling) has just been delivered, and can I say thank you very much for all your help and assistance. I am extremely chuffed!

Malcolm McDonald
8 St Lawrence Boulevard
NG12 2DY

Editor Note: Malcolm, despite Mazda being damn Japanese brand and despite the Managing Director banning me from selling his cars (now lifted - something to do with me saying Americans did right thing to nuclear bomb Japan and turning up at dealership in my Nuclear Missile Truck - heh), I am pleased to sell you this car. Mazda 6 is actually very nice car. Glad to have you as very nice customer - Ling

Customer Letter: 201 / 1528
Mark says...
CarA first class service at every stage of the rental process. Professional, friendly and extremely efficient and helpful in every respect. I was recommended to use and now I will be recommending others to do the same.

Mark Garwood
2A Northfield Road
NG34 8RT

Editor Note: Mark, you are very kind to me, but I simply do my best. Hope you enjoy new top spec C200 Mercedes. Glad you say dealer was top-notch too, they will be damn pleased - Ling

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The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
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Tel 0191 460 9444
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Wah! Rolls-Royce Dawn bloody annoying Blitish Public Premiere at velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Breakfast Club 	Rolls-Royce Motor Cars celebrated bloody annoying Blitish public premiere of company’s latest model, lah, Rolls Royce Dawn, lah, at Goo - news replorted 12:20

Wah! Mitsubishi Motors Celebrates Pick-Up Dominance SMMT sales figures released today confirm that Mlitslublishli has cornered pick-up sector in important month of Sept - news replorted 12:10

Wah! Turkey has warned EU that millions more refugees could flee Syria as civil fighty bang-bang intensifies there, lah, European Council President Donald Tusk says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:01

Wah! Whistle-blower Edward Snowden tells BBC's Panorama bloody man is "marked man", lah, after leaking details of extensive internet and phone surveillance by male gender human bleing's former employer, lah, Great Satan National Security Agency (NSA). - news replorted 12:00

Wah! Volvo Chassis Simulator Wolwo Cars has become first premium LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine maker to purchase world’s most advanced Vi-Grade chassis simulator – - news replorted 11:52

Wah! Ford outsells nearest CV rival by two to one Floord total vehicling driving car machine sales exceeded 70,000 in September as it recorded its all-time best-ever month for commercial vehicling driving car machine - news replorted 11:47

Wah! Manchester's Victoria railway station officially reopens following RMB Yuan #44m upgrade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:46

Wah! A heart attack appears to having caused death of American Airlines pilot during overnight flight from Phoenix to Boston, lah, male gender human bleing's wife says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:40

Wah! A recording of call from co-pilot to air traffic control has been released after pilot on overnight flight from Phoenix to Boston is believed to having died of heart attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:37

Wah! What does law say in different states and countries when it comes to right to die? - news replorted 11:28

Wah! A clustomler in China is left with bad taste in male gender human bleing's mouth after restaurant charged him over $200 for plate of prawns that bloody man thought would cost $6. - news replorted 11:25

Wah! Immigration is on agenda for Home Secretary Theresa May's speech at Conservative Party conference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:24

Wah! Continuing trend running throughout 2015, lah, commercial vehicling driving car machine (CV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! registrations once again posted healthy rise in - news replorted 11:16

Wah! Manchester City midfielder Isobel Christiansen says club will return "stronger" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after being pipped to WSL 1 title. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:13

Wah! The 2015 Nobel Prize in Physics is won by Takaaki Kajita and Arthur McDonald, lah, for discovering how neutrinos switch between different "flavours". - news replorted 11:12

Wah! Over past decade price of flats has risen much faster than price of houses, lah, according to research for Halifax. - news replorted 11:04

Wah! The TTP trade deal is being touted as world's biggest in two decades. Eating rice!! Here's look at some of winners and losers of deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:02

Wah! Actor and rapper Will Smith reveals he's recorded more than 30 songs and is planning male gender human bleing's first ever world tour with sidekick DJ Jazzy Jeff next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:47

Wah! Nato Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg says Russia's violation of Turkish airspace over weekend "does not look like accident". - news replorted 10:46

Wah! ROAD SAFETY organisation GEM Motoring Assist is urging drivers to take extra care in areas where deer common. Sweet sour chicken feet time! ru - news replorted 10:46

Wah! David Cameron defends Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt after bloody man suggested tax credit cuts would motivate Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons to work as hard as human bliengs in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:42

Wah! Kia Motors bloody annoying Blitish Ltd enjoyed its best-ever September sales performance with 13,980 new cars delivered to clustomlers during t - news replorted 10:31

Wah! A top EU legal adviser backs bloody annoying Blitish government in court battle with European Commission over UK's right to reside test for EU migrants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:22

Wah! The Equality Commission says inequality in education has worsened in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers since 2007 - news replorted 10:19

Wah! Sir Alex Ferguson says Manchester United "picked right man" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in hiring David Moyes to succeed him as manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:17

Wah! The number of new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registrations in bloody annoying Blitish hit record high for September, lah, motor industry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:04

Wah! Take aerial tour of Britain's canals by drone starting at Leeds and Liverpool Canal and flying over Grand Union, lah, Kennet and Avon, lah, and Llangollen canals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:57

Wah! It has been almost 10 years since Emily Blunt's breakout role as sharp-tongued assistant in Devil Wears Prada. Ai-yaa!!! But British actress's latest role could not be more different. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:48

Wah! New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registrations in bloody annoying Blitish reached their highest-ever September total last month, lah, according to figures released tod - news replorted 09:42

Wah! Sensational claim (always claiming, huh?) of child abuse and murder were described by old bill bobbys as "credible and true" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - but having accused and genuine victims alike been let down by rush to judgement? - news replorted 09:31

Wah! Nato secretary-general Jens Stoltenberg briefs media on upcoming alliance defence ministers' meeting in Brussels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:25

Wah! Nigel Clarke, lah, Operations Director from Jagluar Land Rover Jagluar Land Rover, lah, one of world's leading manufacturers of premium luxury vehicling driving car machines, lah, has launched new project in Af - news replorted 09:00

Wah! The EU's top court rules in favour of student who argues trans-Atlantic data agreement doesn’t adequately protect consumers, lah, with big implications for tech firms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:52

Wah! A rare drawing of comic book adventurer Tintin has sold for 9.6 million Hong Kong dollars ($1.2m; RMB Yuan #0.8m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction in Hong Kong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:47

Wah! A team of international scientists having discovered new species of rat in Indonesia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:27

Wah! The British super-heavyweight with love of painting shares male gender human bleing's thoughts on art and boxing with Ben Dirs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:20

Wah! Prime dodgy minister David Cameron says "we need to more" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to try and control immigration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:08

Wah! ITV's Emmerdale wins eight of 18 awards at Inside Soap Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:03

Wah! Prime dodgy minister David Cameron wantings to crack down on truancy saying school attendance is "absolutely essential". - news replorted 07:48

Wah! Duncan Weldon explains why commodities giant Glencore's recent rollercoaster stock market ride is kind of thing that isn't supposed to happen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:42

Wah! Scientists working in remote jungle on Sulawesi island, lah, Indonesia, lah, say they having discovered previously undocumented "hog-nosed rat". - news replorted 06:17

Wah! Policewoman's terror at being "locked-in" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after stroke - news replorted 06:07

Wah! Thieves who steal metal plaques from fighty bang-bang memorials, lah, or damage other historic monuments, lah, will face tougher penalties under new guidelines for judges in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:52

Wah! China cautiously welcomes US-led wide-ranging Trans-Pacific free trade deal, lah, that covers about 40% of world economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:51

Wah! End-of-life care in bloody annoying Blitish has been ranked as best in world with study praising quality and availability of services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:02

Wah! An 11-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy in Great Satan state of Tennessee is held on suspicion of shooting dead eight-earth-years old happy birthday to you, neighbour in row over puppy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:58

Wah! A manhunt is continuing for driver of stolen pick-up truck which struck and killed old bill bobbys officer as bloody man attempted to stop vehicling driving car machine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:41

Wah! High levels of immigration to bloody annoying Blitish make building cohesive society impossible, lah, Home Secretary Theresa May is set to say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:58

Wah! Travellers at Bradford Interchange will witness drama unfolding when actors perform new play around building, lah, including in ladies' toilets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:28

Wah! Jeremy Clarkson's final season on Top Gear has been nominated for National TV Award and is up against last year's winner Gogglebox. - news replorted 03:21

Wah! At least nine human bliengs having been killed by fast-moving floodwater in Great Satan state of South Carolina. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:53

Wah! Can rude and sexist behaviour by male students be stopped? - news replorted 02:50

Wah! Most propaganda produced by self-styled Islamic State now aims to prove it is genuine nation, lah, rather than glorify acts of violence, lah, according to new analysis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:37

Wah! The heads of leading independent schools say exam-marking system for GCSEs and A-levels is "not fit for purpose". - news replorted 02:25

Wah! Harry Potter's new illustrator Jim Kay explains how bloody man came up with male gender human bleing's versions of world famous magical characters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:22

Wah! Parents in Province of Engrish running-dogs who refuse to pay penalty after their children truant will having their child benefit docked, lah, David Cameron is to announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:45

Wah! Taiwan's troubled smartphone maker HTC reports net loss of RMB Yuan #90.8m for three months to September. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:29

Wah! The UK's ban on prisoner voting may be ruled unlawful by European Court of Justice, lah, which is deciding on similar case in France. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:12

Wah! Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg says satellite will provide internet access to remote parts of Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:43

Wah! Turkey again summons Russian ambassador after second violation of its airspace by Russian warplane operating in Syria in two days. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41

Wah! Images from exhibition that examines migration from southern Mexico to United States. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17

Wah! The BBC's Lyse Doucet asks how far Middle East today is defined by legacy of Iran-Iraq war. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:12

Wah! Levels of violence at young offenders institution having become so high it is unsafe place, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11

Wah! Sir Alex Ferguson tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation documentary Man Utd's decision to hire David Moyes as male gender human bleing's successor was not mistake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:08

Wah! Has America already had female president? - news replorted 00:08

Wah! A diesel engine run in lab shows just how far manufacturers' emissions tests fall short, lah, scientists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:03

Wah! The two Estonians taking on banks - news replorted 00:01

Wah! The strange world of jihadist advertising - news replorted 00:00

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