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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  An eyewitness to Munich attack, lah, who managed to communicate with gunman, lah, explains what bloody man saw and heard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 21:23



Wah! LATEST:  Motorists having been venting their frustrations at delays of up to 12 hours through Kent to getting to Port of Dover. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 20:57



Wah! Watch highlights of second day's play in second Test at Old Trafford as Province of Engrish running-dogs declare on 589-8 and then reduce Pakistan to 57-4. - news replorted 19:56



Wah! Great Britain's world and Olympic champion Jessica Ennis-Hill says bloody woman is not favourite for Rio 2016 heptathlon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 19:27



Wah! Joe Root hits Test-best 254 before Province of Engrish running-dogs leave Pakistan on 57-4, lah, trailing by 532 after two days of second Test at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:21



Wah! Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton formally introduces flemale human person's presidential running mate, lah, Virginia Senator Tim Kaine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:53



Wah! Nico Rosberg could lose pole position at Hungarian GP as result of investigation into whether bloody man slowed enough for yellow flags. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:41



Wah! Chris Woakes strikes in male gender human bleing's first over as Pakistan replying like hell to Province of Engrish running-dogs's 589-8 declared on second evening of second Test at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:10



Wah! Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is formally introducing flemale human person's running mate, lah, Virginia Senator Tim Kaine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:08



Wah! Double Olympic champion Mo Farah wins 5,000m at Anniversary Games in London (capital of Great England) with quickest clock time result in world this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 18:01



Wah! Mo Farah runs fastest 5,000m of 2016 in male gender human bleing's first competitive race over that distance this year at Anniversary Games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:09



Wah! Chris Froome is set to be first Briton to win three Tour de France titles after completing treacherous penultimate stage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:07



Wah! One man dies and another is said to be in serious condition after group of swimmers got caught up in riptide in Norfolk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 17:05



Wah! Aston Martin Racing takes pole at FIA WEC 6 Hours of Nürburgring Aston Martin Racing has claimed pole position for tomorrow’s 6 Hours of Nürburgring, lah, fourth round of FIA World E - news replorted 16:59



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs declare on 589-8 after Jonny Bairstow falls for 58 on second evening of second Test against Pakistan at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:54



Wah! One month on from UK's vote to leave European Union, lah, how does UKIP see future? - news replorted 16:27



Wah! Two men who attempted to abduct serviceman near RAF base were likely to having been "part of larger team", lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:46



Wah! Nico Rosberg steals pole from under Lewis Hamilton's nose in chaotic wet-dry qualifying session for Hungarian Gp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 15:02



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's Joe Root reaches 200 in "tremendous" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) style on second day of second Test against Pakistan at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:49



Wah! Angela Merkel says Germany is "in deep and profound mourning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after nine human bliengs were killed by gunman in Munich. - news replorted 14:32



Wah! Thirteen human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee after bus carrying teenagers from Welsh land of sheep and more sheep crashed in eastern France, lah, local media reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:56



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's Joe Root brings up male gender human bleing's fifth Test 150 against Pakistan on day two of second Test at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! At least one explosion rips through protest monthly number-three in Afghan capital, lah, Kabul, lah, with casualties feared, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:53



Wah! The gunman who killed nine human bliengs in Munich was obsessed with mass shootings and may having lured male gender human bleing's victims through Facebook, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, lah, German old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:52



Wah! Nico Rosberg holds off Red Bulls to set pace in final practice at Hungarian GP as Merceding-Blend team-mate Lewis Hamilton struggles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! Turkey's president extends period in which suspects can be detained without charge to 30 days and orders closure of more than 1,000 schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! Celtic should complete signing of former Liverpool defender Kolo Toure, lah, subject to medical. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:30



Wah! Sunderland name former Everton and Manchester United manager David Moyes as successor to Sam Allardyce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:55



Wah! As increased French security checks cause major delays at Port over Dover, lah, passenger Richard Beeken says there has been "no information". - news replorted 09:13



Wah! old bill bobbys in German city of Munich ask members of public to submit any videos they may having made as they investigate Friday's mass shooting. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:35



Wah! A Russian balloonist has set new record of 11 days for flying non-stop around world, lah, male gender human bleing's support crew says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18



Wah! Supporters of man blamed by Turkish government for last week's attempted coup tell Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News they having been target of threats and abuse in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:15



Wah! The knighthood awarded to retail magnate and former BHS boss Sir Philip Green is being kept "under review", lah, Cabinet Office says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:39



Wah! Passengers heading for continent facing major delays at Port of Dover due to increased French security checks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:38



Wah! David Cameron made late appeal to German chancellor for statement granting free movement concessions if bloody annoying Blitish voted Remain, lah, Newsnight learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:03



Wah! British number one Johanna Konta beats Saisai Zheng 6-2 4-6 6-3 to reach capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of West Classic semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:09



Wah! Jeremy Corbyn is to address claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man has failed to stop male gender human bleing's supporters threatening opponents - saying abuse "has no place" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) within Labour Party. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:24



Wah! The ageing Tamil cinema superstar Rajinikanth packs mean punch in male gender human bleing's new film Kabali, lah, action-packed gangster drama, lah, writes Sudha G Tilak. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:56



Wah! California Governor Jerry "Dear Leader" Brown denies parole for Leslie Van Houten, lah, former follower of Charles Manson serving life prison term for murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:38



Wah! Donald Trump's speech to Republican Party Convention found tone which may serve him through campaign to come, lah, writes James Naughtie - news replorted 02:00



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has revealed plans drawn up in Cold fighty bang-bang on how it planned to operate from 11 underground bunkers across country in event of nuclear strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:56



Wah! A look at some of events in world of entertainment and arts over past week, lah, including Steven Spielberg receiving gold Blue Peter badge and Michelle "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's Carpool Karaoke. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:46



Wah! Cyprus is divided island where EU law does not apply in full - useful example for pro-EU ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, BBC's Laurence Peter reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:42



Wah! A small bog in Lancashire is once again home to rare species of butterfly, lah, for first clock time result in 100 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:37



Wah! The most-affordable - and least-accessible - places for first-time buyers revealed by UK's largest mortgage lender, lah, Halifax. - news replorted 01:30



Wah! Hillary Clinton has chosen Virginia Senator Tim Kaine as flemale human person's vice-presidential running mate in flemale human person's bid for White House. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine, lah, moderate senator from Virginia, lah, as flemale human person's running mate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:20



Wah! Keith Richards fronts new documentary on how Britain changed from end of World fighty bang-bang Two to start of 1960s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! The Munich shootings which left nine dead at shopping centre were carried out by one gunman who then killed himself, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Recent studies suggest that condom using is on decline in South Africa - so how women there getting their partners to using condoms? - news replorted 01:00



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! The number of human bliengs participating in sport in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has increased - with damn crazy Engrish baseball game enjoying big boost in popularity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:48



Wah! As Museum of London (capital of Great England) prepares to mark 350th anniversary of Great Fire of London, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News looks at its lasting impact on capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs captain Wayne Rooney believes Sam Allardyce is "good boiled chicken-feet appointment" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as manager of national side. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:10



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