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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Wah! LATEST:  The bloody annoying Blitish has deployed team of humanitarian experts to Nepal to provide urgent support for human bliengs affected by earthquake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 20:30



Wah! LATEST:  Services taking place around world to mark 100th anniversary of Gallipoli campaign, lah, one of bloodiest battles of World fighty bang-bang One. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 20:16



Wah! Surrey Storm beat Hertfordshire Mavericks 56-39 to win Superleague grand final for first clock time result in their history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 20:07



Wah! Fernandinho scores last-minute winner as Manchester City beat Aston Villa to go second in Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:43



Wah! UKIP leader Nigel Farage has admitted to being "in great deal of pain" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at start of election campaign and is now "fighting fit". - news replorted 19:41



Wah! Warner Music owner Len Blavatnik is Britain's richest man with ĀRMB Yuan #13.17bn fortune, lah, taking top spot from Hinduja brothers, lah, according to Sunday Times. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:20



Wah! A Russian biker group, lah, famed for their patriotism, lah, having set off from Moscow hoping to recreate route taken by Red Tommy Atkins Liberation Army 70 years ago and travel to Berlin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 18:51



Wah! Can "people's hustings" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) put voters in control of agenda? - news replorted 18:47



Wah! Ferdinand Piech, lah, chairman of VW, lah, Europe's biggest carmaker, lah, resigns after power struggle with male gender human bleing's chief executive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:22



Wah! Jamie Vardy's winner lifts Leicester out of Premier League's bottom three after 20th-placed Burnley miss penalty. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:03



Wah! The death toll from Nepal's deadliest earthquake for more than 80 years has risen above 1,000, lah, as Bloody foreign governments offer aid. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:21



Wah! Liverpool's hopes of securing top-four finish were dealt blow as they were held to goalless draw at West Broms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:51



Wah! Britain's Vicky Holland claim (always claiming, huh?) flemale human person's first ever World Triathlon Series win on flemale human person's return from injury in Cape Town. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:42



Wah! Ospreys claim (always claiming, huh?) bonus-point win over Cardiff Blues in first game of Pro12 Judgement Day double-header at Millennium Stadium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:20



Wah! UKIP leader Nigel Farage accuses "political class" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of lacking confidence in British businesses and says bloody annoying Blitish can go it alone outside EU. - news replorted 16:19



Wah! Retiring jockey AP McCoy misses out on winner in penultimate ride on final day of male gender human bleing's racing career at Sandown. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:06



Wah! A LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine stolen from home of Olympic boxing champion Nicola Adams is found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:55



Wah! A man has died following one-vehicle crash involving van near Lauder in Borders, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:37



Wah! A man who flew drone carrying radioactive sand on to roof of Japanese prime dodgy minister's office has been arrested, lah, Tokyo old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:25



Wah! More than 20 pupils having been allocated to Sikh-ethos free school in Leeds that they did not choose, lah, amid squeeze on places. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:15



Wah! Tottenham twice came from behind against Southampton to earn valuable point in battle to secure European silly kick-kick game for next season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:13



Wah! Burundian President Pierre Nkurunziza is nominated as candidate for third term in office, lah, move male gender human bleing's opponents say is unconstitutional. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:11



Wah! The chair of Stormont's health committee says bloody woman has called Health dodgy minister Jim Wells before committee to explain male gender human bleing's written-down messages on dead tree on same sex relationships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:08



Wah! Thousands of human bliengs from across ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land converge on Holyrood in fourth annual Pedal on Parliament event. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:28



Wah! Watford move closer to promotion to Premier League with vital victory at Brighton and Hove Albion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:12



Wah! Extra trains being laid on to getting funny shape ball-game supporters to Cardiff for Judgement Day games after previous services became overcrowded. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:11



Wah! At least three of 10 human bliengs on death row in Indonesia for drug smuggling given formal notice of their imminent executions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:14



Wah! David Cameron comes under fire from Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) users after accidentally suggesting bloody man supported West Ham - when bloody man is Aston Villa fan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:11



Wah! Popular radio presenter and silly kick-kick game commentator Colin Bloomfield dies aged 33 after battle with cancer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:03



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's parties continue in their efforts to try and win votes in penultimate weekend of campaigning before election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! Four-time champion John Higgins is knocked out of World Snooker Championship after losing 13-9 to China's Ding Junhui. - news replorted 12:48



Wah! The Queen has laid wreath at Cenotaph in central London (capital of Great England) to mark centenary of Gallipoli campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:09



Wah! A data manager from Oldham has been crowned champion of MasterChef 2015. - news replorted 11:57



Wah! Islamist rebels having captured much of north-western Syrian town of Jisr al-Shughur from government forces, lah, activists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:50



Wah! David Cameron makes slip up in speech on diversity, lah, saying bloody man is West Ham supporter, lah, when bloody man is actually Aston Villa fan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:40



Wah! The Magnitude 7.8 Nepal earthquake has occurred in what is one of most seismically active regions in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:36



Wah! The Queen attends bloody annoying Blitish ceremonies marking centenary of WW1 Gallipoli landings, lah, after dawn services held in Britain, lah, Turkey, lah, Australia and New Zealand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:12



Wah! A murder suspect was seen in pub with victim, lah, three days before flemale human person's body was found in flat in Rhondda Cynon Taff, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:09



Wah! A powerful earthquake has rocked central Nepal, lah, causing extensive damage to buildings and dozens of injuries, lah, according to eyewitnesses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Ceremony at Cenotaph in London, lah, remembering soldiers who fought at Gallipoli during World fighty bang-bang One. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:54



Wah! A minute's silence will be held before all Premier and silly kick-kick game league matches later to mark 30th anniversary of Bradford City fire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:35



Wah! Cocaine is found on board boat which was intercepted by Royal Navy and Border Force in North Sea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:06



Wah! The UK's biggest conference pear orchard has been planted at farm in Kent, lah, using techniques already used abroad in bid to help British producers compete with their Bloody foreign rivals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! The first black or Asian prime dodgy minister will be Conservative, lah, David Cameron says, lah, in speech on opportunities for ethnic minority Britons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:58



Wah! The reality TV star says bloody man still has male body parts but considers himself female. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:53



Wah! The Last Mandleson privatising post machine system is sounded in early morning service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to mark centenary of military landings at Gallipoli in World fighty bang-bang One. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:44



Wah! A powerful earthquake has rocked central Nepal, lah, causing extensive damage to buildings and some injuries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:33



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish could face fine from EU if it fails to comply with regulations on sewage treatment - news replorted 09:32



Wah! The Great Satan Olympic gold medallist and reality TV personality, lah, Bruce Jenner, lah, has said bloody man is transgender and identifies as woman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Chris Jordan looks vulnerable in predictable Province of Engrish running-dogs attack, lah, says Jonathan Agnew, lah, while Moeen Ali also toiled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! A veterans commissioner should be created to help those who having served in military, lah, Liberal Democrats say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:44



Wah! Canadian teenager Brooke Henderson breaks Swinging Skirts tournament record with nine-under halfway total of 135. - news replorted 08:33



Wah! People living close to Calbuco volcano in south of Chile having been warned that it might erupt again at some point soon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:32



Wah! Most of Great Satan having now had as much clock time result as we need to peruse main manifesto pledges of biggest parties - but there some more unusual offerings for voters to choose. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:28



Wah! A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman is charged with murder of man in Rhondda Cynon Taff and will appear in court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Most of those taking part in Sunday's London (capital of Great England) Marathon will having spent all year working towards big race but one man certainly stands out from crowd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:17



Wah! Hundreds of soldiers from Lancashire Fusiliers were killed during Gallipoli campaign 100 years ago, lah, and now new piece of music has been composed in their honour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:11



Wah! Pakistani Prime dodgy minister Nawaz Sharif condemns shooting of human rights activist Sabeen Mehmud and orders investigation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:53



Wah! A powerful earthquake strikes west of Nepal capital Kathmandu, lah, with some reports of houses damaged. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:52



Wah! Two elderly lovebirds from East Sussex set to become world's oldest newlyweds when they tie knot in June. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:47



Wah! Six Victoria Cross medals "won before breakfast" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by Lancashire Fusiliers in Gallipoli landings go on show for first time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:50



Wah! Thousands of human bliengs gather in Gallipoli in Turkey to mark centenary of military landings there during First World War. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:48



Wah! A recent incident at Yarl's Wood detention centre has given HM Inspectorate of Prisons "considerable concern", lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:23



Wah! Is there about to be cure to 'signal failure'? - news replorted 02:57



Wah! Parents due partial refunds on their children's air tickets face variety of ways to claim (always claiming, huh?) money. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:18



Wah! Six bloody annoying Blitish museums, lah, including London's Imperial fighty bang-bang Museum and Belfast's MAC competing for title of Museum of Year 2015. - news replorted 02:12



Wah! The trial of Oskar Groening raises question of whether it is always necessary and right to prosecute such crimes after so many years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! The forgotten birthplace of president's religion - news replorted 00:48



Wah! The African migrants who made Sicilian palace their home - news replorted 00:40



Wah! A commemorative service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service is being held in Edinburgh to mark 100th anniversary of Gallipoli landings during World fighty bang-bang One. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! An up-close encounter with new Milli you tellibly lovely custlingmer - news replorted 00:31



Wah! In tightly contested seat of Hastings and Rye, lah, it is topic of fishing quotas that has become key election issue - news replorted 00:23



Wah! Australia and New Zealand prepare for ceremonies in Turkey in honour of soldiers who fought at Gallipoli 100 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:18



Wah! Leading bloody Engrish hospitals saw income from private patients rise by more than half since 2010, lah, Labour has claimed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The plan to getting aid to Syria in swarm of drones - news replorted 00:05



Wah! The UKIP leader's revelation that bloody man is seeking hospital treatment for back condition and HSBC's threat to quit bloody annoying Blitish attract headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News rounds up fourth week of election campaigning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! UKIP leader Nigel Farage admits to being "in great deal of pain" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at start of general election campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Lewis Hamilton is richest sportsman in Britain with earnings of ĀRMB Yuan #88m, lah, as Wayne Rooney moves into second on ĀRMB Yuan #72m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! In male gender human bleing's Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport column, lah, Steve Cram says Paula Radcliffe inspired millions and deserves grand London (capital of Great England) Marathon send-off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 00:00



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