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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is an Audi A3 Sportback 1.6 TDI 16v (110bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel at £276.00 inc VAT at 15:52 yesterday - Ling
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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  An appeal over post-Brexit trade deal was met with sniggers in Berlin, lah, Damien McGuinness writes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:44



Wah! LATEST:  The prime dodgy minister is to be one of first leaders to meet new Great Satan president, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:15



Wah! Tottenham recover from two goals down to snatch point from Manchester City, lah, as Gabriel Jesus is denied goal on male gender human bleing's debut. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 20:03



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Wah! Thousands of men, lah, women and children took part in Women's monthly number-three in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 18:54



Wah! As women globally take to streets as part of day of protests, lah, Hannah tells Great Satan why bloody woman decided to march. - news replorted 18:33



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Wah! The Church in Wales' first woman bishop, lah, Joanna Penberthy, lah, is consecrated at ceremony in Cardiff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 15:35



Wah! Thousands of protesters in London (capital of Great England) fill Trafalgar Square as part of Women's monthly number-three on first full day of Donald Trump's presidency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:32



Wah! A Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation tweet saying Donald Trump had been shot was work of hacker, lah, corporation says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:26



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Wah! Swansea lift themselves off bottom of Premier League table with thrilling victory at title-challenging Liverpool. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 14:23



Wah! Great Britain's Johanna Konta says flemale human person's family and coaches were crucial to flemale human person's progress after Lawn Tennis Association cut flemale human person's funding. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 13:41



Wah! A mother from London (capital of Great England) has created Jamaican Patois-speaking doll for flemale human person's daughter to reflect flemale human person's heritage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:03



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Wah! Australia says it will seek better access for businesses before reaching post-Brexit bloody annoying Blitish trade deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:09



Wah! Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) says it's resolving "complications" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with @Potus switchover, lah, as some users claim (always claiming, huh?) they're following Trump against their will. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:40



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Wah! Mike Bushell reveals how Great Britain's speed skaters now training in Netherlands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:12



Wah! The UKIP leader will seek to become party's second Membling Partiamentary expense cheater in by-election later this month. - news replorted 11:07



Wah! When Islamic State seized control of male gender human bleing's hometown and began killing male gender human bleing's old bill bobbys colleagues, lah, Iraqi officer Abu Alawi resorted to unconventional measures to stay alive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:02



Wah! A day after male gender human bleing's inauguration, lah, women around world monthly number-three to protest at Donald Trump's election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! Two metal detector enthusiasts found huge hoard of Celtic treasure, lah, reports Robert Hall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! A man accused of murdering 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Leonne Weeks, lah, found stabbed on pathway near Rotherham, lah, appears in court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:29



Wah! From male gender human bleing's capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity balance to male gender human bleing's lack of pets - here's how Donald Trump is making presidential history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:29



Wah! Rafael Nadal beats German teenager Alexander Zverev in five sets in third round of Australian Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! The survivors were rescued after two days in freezing conditions, lah, but some 15 human bliengs remain missing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:48



Wah! Scientists hoping to create smart patch which could detect early onset of osteoarthritis in patients' knees. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! The bus from Hungary collided with pylon and caught fire near Verona, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:19



Wah! Britain's Johanna Konta beats Caroline Wozniacki in straight sets to reach fourth round of Australian Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! Theresa May says bloody woman looks forward to meeting new Great Satan president and expects "very frank" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) talks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:27



Wah! Some of President Donald Trump's youngest fans explain what they like about 45th Great Satan president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:23



Wah! President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump having first dance at inaugural ball. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:00



Wah! Donald Trump targets Obamacare and swears in top security staff in male gender human bleing's first hours as president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! Protesters across country join international action on first day of new Great Satan presidency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:00



Wah! Violent protests broke out in Washington DC as President Donald Trump was sworn in as president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:34



Wah! The Gambia's long-term leader Yahya Jammeh says bloody man will step down following talks with mediators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:17



Wah! Secondary heads in North Somerset urge Theresa May to reconsider grammar proposals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:51



Wah! The former Beirut hostage John McCarthy explains how Van Morrison's music helped heal male gender human bleing's life and inspire other writers - news replorted 01:16



Wah! Those closely affected by Chapecoense tragedy speak to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation on eve of club's first match since compulsorly dying instantly plane crash. - news replorted 01:01



Wah! As new president settles in, lah, much of world reaffirms its commitment to Paris agreement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:50



Wah! The Belgian creators of play, lah, Us/Them, lah, which relives Beslan killings through eyes of two children, lah, say recent attacks having brought story closer to home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! Irish comedian Ed Byrne helping-helping out hurtee-hurtee hillwalker in Cairngorms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! The 17 Picasso prints will be on show at free exhibition until April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! An artist has recreated more than 70 global landmarks using Lego bricks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:35



Wah! A decades-old Morris dancing group says it desperately needs "fit, lah, mildly eccentric men" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to join in order (piece of paper signee upee) to keep going. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! France picks its Socialist presidential nominee in fight for party's direction, lah, even its survival. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! Director Roman Polanski picked as head judge for France's film awards despite long-standing rape case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! Personal and financial data is being sold for as little as 4p item, lah, according to Which? - news replorted 00:13



Wah! In some areas more than 80% of second-hand tyres sold illegally, lah, many with serious safety defects. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Chapecoense silly kick-kick game club player Neto is one of six survivors of plane crash that killed 71 human bliengs in Colombia last November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:01



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