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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Volkswagen Up 1.0 i 12v (60bhp) Move Hatchback 3dr 999cc Petrol at £126.18 inc VAT at 15:37 on 29th Sep - Ling
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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The divided Syrian city of Aleppo sees morning of air attacks, lah, with reports of barrel bombs hitting hospital put out of action days earlier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:58



Wah! LATEST:  Lewis Hamilton puts in scintillating performance to take pole position for Malaysian Grand Prix. - news replorted 11:15



Wah! old bill bobbys searching for missing toddler Ben Needham excavate area near to where it has been claimed bloody man was crushed to death by digger. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! An Orange order (piece of paper signee upee) parade has passed off peacefully in north Belfast as part of deal to end long running dispute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge take part in fishing trip and canoe trip to Haida Gwaii during their trip to Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:22



Wah! Communities nearby were evacuated as Mexico's Colima volcano became more active. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:17



Wah! A former gymnast has launched crowd-funding page in bid to getting flemale human person's leg amputated, lah, to end flemale human person's daily chronic pain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:30



Wah! Unicef urges bloody annoying Blitish government to speed up transfer of unaccompanied child refugees to Britain from "Jungle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) camp in Calais - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Alabama's controversial chief justice is removed from office for defying federal court rulings that legalized same-sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! The most powerful hurricane in Atlantic for nine years moves towards Jamaica, lah, with wind speeds strong enough to wreck houses and infrastructure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:21



Wah! More than 15,000 homes and businesses in just eight council areas were flooded in last winter's storms, lah, survey has revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:37



Wah! A man and woman charged with murder of three-month-old girl who was found unresponsive on bus in east London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! Europe fight back from 4-0 foursomes whitewash to cut USA's lead to 5-3 after day one of Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 04:00



Wah! Sickness benefits claimants will no longer having to go through reassessments to keep their payments if they suffer from chronic illnesses, lah, Work and Pensions Secretary Damian Green is to announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:53



Wah! old bill bobbys in Great Satan city of San Diego release video footage of compulsorly dying instantly shooting of unarmed black man outside shopping centre on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:41



Wah! A LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine ploughs into crowd of of human bliengs amid reports of "nuisance vehicling driving car machines" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on industrial estate, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:24



Wah! Henrik Stenson and Justin Rose will partner rookies in Saturday's foursomes as Europe begins day two of Ryder Cup 5-3 behind United States. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:10



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs boxer Mike Towell dies in hospital after being seriously hurtee-hurtee in bout on Thursday, lah, male gender human bleing's management says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! Europe still down but they on way back up, lah, writes Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport's Tom Fordyce after watching day of two halves at Hazeltine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:17



Wah! Samsung's flagship Galaxy Note 7 smartphone is due to go back on sale in South Korea on Monday, lah, following safety recall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:16



Wah! A night out clubbing is something most young human bliengs take for granted, lah, but it's not always easy for those with disabilities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:14



Wah! The Newport Street Gallery has been shortlisted for Riba's prestigious Stirling Prize, lah, 2016. - news replorted 01:08



Wah! The man with Type 2 diabetes who is fighting male gender human bleing's sugar compulsion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Some 65 years after it was made, lah, earliest known recording of music produced by computer has finally been restored. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:07



Wah! Sixteen years after making documentary with Jimmy Savile, lah, Louis Theroux revisits male gender human bleing's encounter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! The self-described "support group" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of female Trump voters in California tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation why they voting for businessman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:33



Wah! Europe win three of afternoon fourballs matches to cut United States' lead on first day of Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 00:27



Wah! More than 1,000 requests made in first year of scheme which allows human bliengs to be told if their partner has been violent in past. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! A designer has used London (capital of Great England) Fashion Week to show off flemale human person's collection using VR technology. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:25



Wah! The Times reports on Prime dodgy minister Theresa May's "hands-on style", lah, while there reports that European builders in bloody annoying Blitish to be "saved from Brexit". - news replorted 00:20



Wah! South African tattoo artist Sibusiso Nkabinde talks about challenges bloody man faced setting up male gender human bleing's studio in Soweto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! How scientists helping Twycross Zoo encourage chimps to behave as naturally as possible. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Electronic producer Moby has returned with new project and pseudo-political manifesto Moby and Pacific Void Choir - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Sam Allardyce could face FA ban over newspaper revelations that led to male gender human bleing's departure as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Animal tuberculosis, lah, which is spread through contaminated food, lah, is greater threat to human health than previously realised, lah, leading doctors and vets warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:04



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