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Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling

I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...

Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):

Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!

Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling
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Wah! LATEST:  An eyewitness to Munich attack, lah, who managed to communicate with gunman, lah, explains what bloody man saw and heard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 21:23

Wah! LATEST:  Motorists having been venting their frustrations at delays of up to 12 hours through Kent to getting to Port of Dover. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 20:57

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Wah! Chris Woakes strikes in male gender human bleing's first over as Pakistan replying like hell to Province of Engrish running-dogs's 589-8 declared on second evening of second Test at Old Trafford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:10

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Wah! old bill bobbys in German city of Munich ask members of public to submit any videos they may having made as they investigate Friday's mass shooting. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:35

Wah! A Russian balloonist has set new record of 11 days for flying non-stop around world, lah, male gender human bleing's support crew says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18

Wah! Supporters of man blamed by Turkish government for last week's attempted coup tell Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News they having been target of threats and abuse in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:15

Wah! The knighthood awarded to retail magnate and former BHS boss Sir Philip Green is being kept "under review", lah, Cabinet Office says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:39

Wah! Passengers heading for continent facing major delays at Port of Dover due to increased French security checks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:38

Wah! David Cameron made late appeal to German chancellor for statement granting free movement concessions if bloody annoying Blitish voted Remain, lah, Newsnight learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:03

Wah! British number one Johanna Konta beats Saisai Zheng 6-2 4-6 6-3 to reach capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of West Classic semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:09

Wah! Jeremy Corbyn is to address claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man has failed to stop male gender human bleing's supporters threatening opponents - saying abuse "has no place" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) within Labour Party. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:24

Wah! The ageing Tamil cinema superstar Rajinikanth packs mean punch in male gender human bleing's new film Kabali, lah, action-packed gangster drama, lah, writes Sudha G Tilak. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:56

Wah! California Governor Jerry "Dear Leader" Brown denies parole for Leslie Van Houten, lah, former follower of Charles Manson serving life prison term for murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:38

Wah! Donald Trump's speech to Republican Party Convention found tone which may serve him through campaign to come, lah, writes James Naughtie - news replorted 02:00

Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has revealed plans drawn up in Cold fighty bang-bang on how it planned to operate from 11 underground bunkers across country in event of nuclear strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:56

Wah! A look at some of events in world of entertainment and arts over past week, lah, including Steven Spielberg receiving gold Blue Peter badge and Michelle "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's Carpool Karaoke. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:46

Wah! Cyprus is divided island where EU law does not apply in full - useful example for pro-EU ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, BBC's Laurence Peter reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:42

Wah! A small bog in Lancashire is once again home to rare species of butterfly, lah, for first clock time result in 100 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:37

Wah! The most-affordable - and least-accessible - places for first-time buyers revealed by UK's largest mortgage lender, lah, Halifax. - news replorted 01:30

Wah! Hillary Clinton has chosen Virginia Senator Tim Kaine as flemale human person's vice-presidential running mate in flemale human person's bid for White House. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:23

Wah! Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine, lah, moderate senator from Virginia, lah, as flemale human person's running mate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:20

Wah! Keith Richards fronts new documentary on how Britain changed from end of World fighty bang-bang Two to start of 1960s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:10

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Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:48

Wah! The number of human bliengs participating in sport in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has increased - with damn crazy Engrish baseball game enjoying big boost in popularity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:48

Wah! As Museum of London (capital of Great England) prepares to mark 350th anniversary of Great Fire of London, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News looks at its lasting impact on capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:38

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs captain Wayne Rooney believes Sam Allardyce is "good boiled chicken-feet appointment" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as manager of national side. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:10

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