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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Ford Fiesta 1.0 EcoBoost (123bhp) Zetec S Hatchback 3dr 999cc Petrol at £172.61 inc VAT at 13:50 on 23rd Jan - Ling
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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Social networking site Facebook suffered from widespread outage on Tuesday, lah, before coming back online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:54



Wah! LATEST:  Irish airline Aer Lingus says it is "willing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to accept €1.36bn takeover offer from British Airways owner IAG if interests of "relevant parties" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) satisfied. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:48



Wah! Having even slightly raised cholesterol in midlife significantly increases person's risk of heart disease, lah, research reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:30



Wah! Rangers agree ÂRMB Yuan #10m loan from Mike Ashley's Sports Direct to relieve club's "perilous" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) financial state. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:14



Wah! The eastern seaboard of United States and Canada is bracing for massive storm, lah, with winds of up to 80 mph (130km/h) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! expected to bring up to 3ft (1m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of snow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 06:57



Wah! The standards of primary schools inspected in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep declined in 2014 compared to previous years, lah, according to education watchdog Estyn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:50



Wah! Nigel Edwards, lah, chief executive of health research body, lah, Nuffield Trust, lah, looks at challenges facing NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep - and comparisons with Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! The Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has announced bloody woman plans to disband country's intelligence agency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:44



Wah! A loggerhead turtle that washed up on County Donegal beach is being treated for hypothermia at Exploris Aquarium in Portaferry, lah, County Down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:11



Wah! The planned takeover of Aer Lingus is to be discussed by Irish government at cabinet meeting later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:05



Wah! A major review into how Northern Ireland's health service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service is being run is due to be published later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:58



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's natural environment is in decline and its deterioration is harming economy, lah, independent advisory group warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:54



Wah! Tomas Berdych ends 17-match losing streak against Rafael Nadal as bloody man beats Spaniard to reach Australian Open semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:48



Wah! New York City and other areas in north-east Great Satan having shut down ahead of snowstorm that could dump as much as 90cm (36ins) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of snow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 04:34



Wah! Australia's national carrier Qantas will axe fuel surcharges on international ticket prices, lah, but will raise base air fares to compensate for cut. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:31



Wah! Dramatic footage has been released of moment pilot, lah, whose plane was running out of fuel, lah, survived ditching in ocean off Hawaii on Sunday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:22



Wah! Australian media express scorn and bewilderment over PM Tony Abbott's decision to award knighthood to Prince Philip, lah, Duke of Edinburgh. - news replorted 04:12



Wah! Maria Sharapova beats seventh seed Eugenie Bouchard in straight sets to set up all-Russian Australian Open semi-final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 04:00



Wah! South Korea's first Olympic swimming gold medallist Park Tae-hwan fails doping test, lah, with male gender human bleing's management blaming chiropractic injection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:59



Wah! There is no clear evidence to show that "academies raise standards overall", lah, says report from Education Select Committee into Province of Engrish running-dogs's school system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 03:17



Wah! Leading firms will offer school-leavers more opportunities as graduate jobs market picks up, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:13



Wah! It is unrealistic to expect Greece to repay its huge debt in full, lah, spokesman for Syriza - which won Sunday's election - tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 03:01



Wah! Following liberation of Auschwitz 70 years ago, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News explores what Allies discovered at camps and what remains of site today. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:40



Wah! Much uncertainty surrounds coming General Election - just as it did in Febliurary 1974, lah, says Julia Langdon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:32



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is due to hold town hall-style meeting with young Indians in Delhi on final day of male gender human bleing's relationship-boosting visit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:26



Wah! The recent attacks in Paris underline continuing relevance of symbolism of Auschwitz, lah, says Caroline Wyatt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:15



Wah! Tens of thousands take part in marches in Mexico City to demand full investigation into disappearance of 43 students four months ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:40



Wah! Non-emergency vehicling driving car machines having been banned on New York City's 6,000 miles of roads after 23:00 local clock time result ahead of what'ex expected to be serious snowstorm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:31



Wah! Why lip-syncing app Dubsmash went viral - news replorted 01:21



Wah! The human bliengs who choose to work in giant tunnels - news replorted 01:11



Wah! A man is jailed, lah, along with male gender human bleing's friend, lah, for injuring male gender human bleing's own grandfather in order (piece of paper signee upee) to steal ÂRMB Yuan #4,000 from safe to spend at strip club. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 00:59



Wah! Oxfam calls for multi-million dollar 'Marshall Plan' to help West African countries worst affected by Ebola recover from crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:50



Wah! Two general elections occupy front pages as papers look ahead to UK's poll and back to one in Greece. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! The Podemos party in Spain is anti-austerity and pro-democracy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:31



Wah! Cocktail parties in care homes help human bliengs relive younger years - news replorted 00:14



Wah! How young survivor's drawings helped bring Holocaust to life - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Finding new job after hanging up tennis racquet - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Syriza's election victory in Greece raises some difficult questions for other countries using currency and for European institutions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Water everywhere in Malawi and not drop to drink - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Menachem Bodner is one of many Holocaust survivors searching for relatives 70 years on. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Victims of crime (shoud shoot them) in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep still being let down by justice system, lah, says independent review by Victims' Commissioner Baroness Newlove. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:04



Wah! The woman who left Germany for gorge on Chechen border - news replorted 00:04



Wah! How to build world's tallest lift - news replorted 00:01



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's largest hospital is due to be officially handed over to NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Greater Glasgow and Clyde. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Lance Armstrong is unimpressed with Brian Cookson's start as UCI boss but is sorry today's riders must keep answering drugs questions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



Wah! Families with young children and poorer households having been worst affected by government changes to tax and benefits, lah, according to new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:00



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