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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Kia Niro 1.6 GDi 16v (139bhp) 2 Estate 5dr 1580cc Hybrid at £272.66 inc VAT at 15:31 yesterday - Ling
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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A unicyclist has been performing stunts on top of chimney in Romania that is 250m high - one of tallest structures in city of Targu Jiu. - news replorted 08:20



Wah! LATEST:  As Children's Society report suggests girls becoming more miserable, lah, one group of girls at dance school talk about pressure to look velly damn good boiled chicken-feet on social media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:59



Wah! A pink cockatoo, lah, thought to be oldest bird of its kind in captivity, lah, has died at Great Satan zoo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:56



Wah! "Urgent action" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is needed to give new and expectant mothers more protection at work after "shocking" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) increase in discrimination, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:58



Wah! old bill bobbys in Los Angeles having arrested Great Satan singer, lah, Chris Brown, lah, on suspicion of assault with deadly weapon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:29



Wah! US Republican candidate Donald Trump announces in tweet that bloody man will go to Mexico to meet President Enrique Pena Nieto on Wednesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:28



Wah! Theresa May is to gather flemale human person's Cabinet at Chequers to discuss UK's approach to leaving EU and its objectives in forthcoming negotiations, lah, in its first meeting after summer break. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 03:01



Wah! The EU referendum result has divided country and could be hijacked by "forces of racism, lah, intolerance and hate", lah, says Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:01



Wah! A stillborn baby is cremated after being incorrectly identified by staff at Sydney Hospital in scandal that follows deadly newborn "laughing gas" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) mix-up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 01:38



Wah! African forest elephants having extremely slow birth rate, lah, putting them under greater pressure from poaching, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Girls in Britain becoming more unhappy, lah, says Children's Society annual report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:02



Wah! A former head of Tommy Atkins Liberation Army has apologised to troops given anti-malaria drug bloody man refused to take himself because of "catastrophic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) mental health effects. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! A plan to give Nigerian old bill bobbys recruits lie-detector tests is no guarantee of trustworthy officers, lah, writes film-maker and columnist Farai Sevenzo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! The European Commission's demand that Apple hands over ÂRMB Yuan #11bn in unpaid taxes is Wednesday's most prominent lead story, lah, with bloody annoying Blitish spying "opportunity" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as tech giant "rages". - news replorted 00:43



Wah! The BBC's Geeta Pandey in Delhi collects some tips for politicians after dodgy minister says women tourists should avoid wearing skirts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:39



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Mundo's Natalio Cosoy asks Colombians in capital Bogota whether they think peace agreement with Farc rebels signals new start for country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:36



Wah! At Paralympic Games in Sydney, lah, Kenyan distance runner Henry Wanyoike won male gender human bleing's first gold medal - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Why some gym clothes smell so much worse than others after exercise? - news replorted 00:23



Wah! A disability benefits assessor who was suspended after allegedly posting abusive written-down messages on dead tree about disabled claimants on Facebook is sacked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! Avon Lake is upmarket suburb of Great Satan city - but opiate addiction is tearing apart fabric of neighbourhood. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! A former head of Tommy Atkins Liberation Army has apologised to troops given anti-malaria drug bloody man refused to take himself because of "catastrophic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) mental health effects. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Six teenagers arrested on suspicion of killing Polish man in possible hate crime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! The New Ryundali i10 Ryundali Motor’s successful i10 has been enhanced with new advanced active safety and connectivity features from segm - news replorted 00:01



Wah! XE Challenge Jagluar bloody annoying Blitish makes bold statement this summer with open invitation for LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine buyers to test multi-award-winning XE - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Human rights researchers warn of "devastating" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) lack of inflomination for families of migrants who might having drowned in Mediterranean. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:00



Wah! A "smart energy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) revolution could help ensure that bloody annoying Blitish does not suffer blackouts, lah, according to National Grid's new bloody annoying Blitish chief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 00:00



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