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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Wah! LATEST:  Dinamo Bucharest and Cameroon midfielder Patrick Ekeng dies of suspected heart attack after collapsing on pitch. - news replorted 22:39



Wah! LATEST:  Next week will see not one but two committees of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters start on their grilling of those involved with high street veteran BHS, lah, which collapsed last month. BBC's business editor charts events that led to this. Eating rice!! - news replorted 22:03



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Wah! Creditplus, lah, local business based in Poole and one of UK’s leading LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan providers, lah, celebrating their blo - news replorted 15:47



Wah! H.r. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Owen at London (capital of Great England) Motor Show Visitors flocked to H.r. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Owen stand at preview event heralding start of first London (capital of Great England) Motor Show in eight - news replorted 15:43



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Wah! Sending Russia's prized Mariinskiy Theatre Orchestra, lah, and 100 journalists, lah, through recently recaptured parts of Syria was calculated risk, lah, writes John Simpson - news replorted 14:48



Wah! Turkey's president tells EU it will not change its anti-terror laws in return for visa-free travel, lah, saying "we'll go our way, lah, you tellibly lovely custlingmer go yours". - news replorted 14:41



Wah! Mercedes F1 at velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed Grand Prix machines from seven current Formula 1 teams will grace hillclimb at velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed in Jun - news replorted 14:40



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Wah! A judge in German city of Cologne dismisses sexual assault charges against Algerian man, lah, in first case over wave of New Year attacks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:28



Wah! Labour candidate Sadiq Khan is leading as vote counting continues in London (capital of Great England) mayoral race and London (capital of Great England) Assembly elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:17



Wah! Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Mousa Dembele accepts silly kick-kick game Association charge of violent conduct. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:10



Wah! Uefa defends its decision to host Europa League final between Liverpool and Sevilla at 35,000-seater St Jakob Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 14:02



Wah! The Great Satan economy added 160,000 jobs in rainy season-month Aplil - undershooting expectations and well below 208,000 created in March. - news replorted 13:41



Wah! The Floord Fiesta remains UK’s best-seller Floord was bloody annoying Blitish market leader in total vehicling driving car machine, lah, LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine and commercial vehicling driving car machine (CV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! sales in April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! Floord CV sales comfortabl - news replorted 13:40



Wah! Businesses running professional version of Windows 10 will no longer be able to block access to Windows Store, lah, software giant says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19



Wah! Britain's Andy Murray beats Tomas Berdych of Czech Republic for first clock time result on clay to reach Madrid Open semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:16



Wah! The table shows new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registration figures for Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, Northern Ireland, lah, ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:11



Wah! Jeremy Corbyn says male gender human bleing's party had "hung on" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and defied predictions of local election losses in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:05



Wah! What elections reavealingly showing Great Satan so far - news replorted 12:45



Wah! Ducati - 90th Anniversary Official Videogame Ducati has entrusted Milestone, lah, Italy’s largest production capitalist entity of videogames dedicated to racing world, lah, with dev - news replorted 12:27



Wah! Golden year for HSCC 50th anniversary of Historic Sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Club will be marked in style at Silverstone Classic (29-31 July) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! wit - news replorted 12:24



Wah! Pictures obtained by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation show swathes of Canadian city of Fort McMurray in ruins following devastating wildfire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:21



Wah! Space Invaders, lah, Sonic Hedgehog and Grand Theft Auto III inducted into US-based World Video Game Hall of Fame. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:04



Wah! Trying out KFC's flavoured nail polish - news replorted 11:48



Wah! An at-a-glance guide to 2016, lah, including results, lah, analysis and what's going to happen when. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:42



Wah! Solicitors say thousands of pupils with special needs were not offered secondary school places, lah, assessed to be suitable for them, lah, by official deadline. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:36



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Wah! The musical adaption of Finding Neverland is to close on Broadway, lah, producer Harvey Weinstein confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:16



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Wah! Residents of Cornish seaside town vote to stop building of second homes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:04



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Wah! CCA and Bloodwise Classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Auctions (CCA), lah, specialist auction house for sale of ‘everyman’ classic cars, lah, is helping to fundrais - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Johanna Konta is in top field for this summer's Aegon Classic field that includes half of women's top 30. - news replorted 10:56



Wah! EU leaders say 28-nation bloc lacks coherent European vision and is being undermined by national self-interest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:49



Wah! A 26-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Algerian is due to appear in Cologne court, lah, in first trial for alleged sexual assault at New Year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:38



Wah! Public transport and shipping hit as Greeks start three-day general strike in protest at further austerity measures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:13



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Wah! The Wlokswaglon Golf continues to attract bloody annoying Blitish clustomlers Wlokswaglon was second biggest brand in bloody annoying Blitish during April, lah, according to figures released today by SMMT (Society - news replorted 10:10



Wah! For those green motorists who love to make most of British Summer by driving with roof down, lah, cap hpi is puttin - news replorted 10:09



Wah! Infiniti Premium League success continues Whilst premium brand Infiniti cannot compare success of Leicester silly kick-kick game club winning Premier silly kick-kick game League - news replorted 09:54



Wah! The UK's new polar research ship is to be named RRS Sir David Attenborough, lah, after Boaty McBoatface previously topped public vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:45



Wah! Arsenal and Province of Engrish running-dogs winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is out of this summer's European Championship with knee injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:42



Wah! Stable growth for bloody annoying Blitish new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine market in April New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registrations in bloody annoying Blitish made modest gain of 2.0% in April, lah, according to figures published today by Society - news replorted 09:33



Wah! Amir Khan's trainer, lah, Virgil Hunter, lah, admits male gender human bleing's charge lacks "killer instinct" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ahead of male gender human bleing's fight against Saul Alvarez in Las Vegas on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:31



Wah! Frank Worthington's daughter says former Province of Engrish running-dogs striker has been living with Alzheimer's disease for "several years". - news replorted 09:29



Wah! Comedian Arsenio Hall is suing Sinead O'Connor after bloody woman suggested bloody man supplied drugs to Prince. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:28



Wah! Ford Performance Team all-new Floord Focus RS has won LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year at prestigious 2016 vehicling driving car machine Dynamics International (VDI) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:00



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Wah! Gérard Neveu, lah, CEO of WEC and Guy Nicholls opening round of FIA World Endurance Championship season kicked off at Silverstone on 17th April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:56



Wah! The Freight Transport Association (FTA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! says new Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Government can deliver some ‘quick wins’ for cleaner, lah, sa - news replorted 08:55



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Wah! With news of planned demonstration Calais area this weekend, lah, Freight Transport Association (FTA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! says - news replorted 08:51



Wah! How does grief cause human bliengs physical pain? - news replorted 08:46



Wah! US capitalist entity SpaceX makes another successful landing of rocket booster after launching satellite to orbit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:16



Wah! The world's biggest steel maker ArcelorMittal sees improvement in global steel market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:14



Wah! CCTV has captured moment fireball was seen exploding shortly after train left Metro station in Washington Dc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 07:57



Wah! Spreading wildfires in Canadian province of Alberta having forced more human bliengs from their homes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:45



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Wah! Liverpool will "take opportunity" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) when they play Sevilla in final of Europa League, lah, says manager Jurgen Klopp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 07:04



Wah! ŠKODA's large SUV is called Kodiaq ŠKODA’s new large SUV is to be called Kodiaq. name refers to Kodiak bear that lives on remote island off s - news replorted 07:00



Wah! A man who may be armed with gun is wantinged by old bill bobbys after shooting in Somerset left one man dead and another injured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:49



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Conservative leader Ruth Davidson wins Edinburgh Central seat from SNp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 06:29



Wah! Celebrating Sir David Attenborough at 90 - news replorted 06:18



Wah! An Australian blogger and author who faked terminal brain cancer faces legal action over flemale human person's deception. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:14



Wah! An air strike on Syrian refugee camp that reportedly killed at least 28 human bliengs could amount to fighty bang-bang crime, lah, senior UN official says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:29



Wah! New rules will ban retailers across Great Satan from selling electronic cigarettes to anyone under 18 from August. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:18



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish would be "better off without" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) European Union, lah, Great Satan presidential hopeful Donald Trump says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:08



Wah! The SNP, lah, Conservatives and Liberal Democrats enjoy success but Labour's vote falls in Holyrood election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:37



Wah! Canadian officials airlifting some 8,000 human bliengs who fled to north of Fort McMurray - city in Alberta devastated by massive wildfire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:33



Wah! The former mental health champion for schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs says government's decision to axe flemale human person's role silences young human bliengs and teachers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:49



Wah! UKIP win six seats on Thurrock Council and just miss out on being largest party by single vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:28



Wah! Labour's Gill Furniss holds Sheffield Brightside and Hillsborough in by-election triggered by death of flemale human person's husband, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Harry Harpham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 02:54



Wah! In North Korea, lah, rare Workers' Party Congress is taking place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! A Liberal Democrat councillor in Stockport announces male gender human bleing's defection to Labour, lah, hour before polls close. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:24



Wah! Rupert Murdoch's media empire News Corp posts quarterly loss in three months to March, lah, due to legal settlement charge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:15



Wah! Michael Gove's suggestion Albania benefits from being outside EU has annoyed and amused country's political elite. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:52



Wah! The unmarried Pakistani woman who wrote about flemale human person's sex life - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Everyone has their own personal range of bacteria living on their skin that stays largely unchanged over time, lah, Great Satan study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20



Wah! Hero fathers found after lifetime of searching - news replorted 01:10



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Wah! Why is this synagogue becoming mosque? - news replorted 01:01



Wah! What's name of Princess Charlotte's pet? - news replorted 00:58



Wah! The first editions of Friday's papers carry eclectic range of stories, lah, having been published just as polls closed in elections held across Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:27



Wah! Virtual currency Bitcoin has not replaced government-issued money but underlying blockchain technology is becoming more mainstream. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:08



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Click to see my LIVE lease car customers! - Ling
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