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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Wah! LATEST:  Plans to test drones at Newquay Airport in Cornwall being opposed by government, lah, according to leaked briefing note. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:42



Wah! LATEST:  Serious offences including violent and sexual crimes and persistent offenders too often given "just slap on wrist" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with caution, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:27



Wah! The government's Prevent programme is aimed at stopping more human bliengs getting drawn towards violent extremism - but is it failing? - news replorted 04:26



Wah! US researchers build tiny electronic scaffolds using new technique aimed at merging biology with electronics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:04



Wah! Religious and political leaders in Greater Manchester urge human bliengs to "turn their backs" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on bloody Engrish Defence League protesters in city this weekend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:00



Wah! There approximately 46,000 Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) accounts operating on behalf of Islamic State, lah, new Great Satan study claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:56



Wah! The government should speak up in support of democracy in Hong Kong or risk damage to UK's reputation there, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:45



Wah! South Korean old bill bobbys say they seeking detention warrant for man who slashed Great Satan ambassador to South Korea on charges of attempted murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:42



Wah! Common chemicals that disrupt hormones could cost more than €150bn year in damage to health in Europe, lah, studies claim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 03:34



Wah! Much-loved New York sheet music shop closes down - news replorted 03:33



Wah! Senior figures in Congress urge Great Satan president to send lethal defensive weapons to Ukraine in its fight against pro-Russian rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:03



Wah! What's message in experimental figures on true shape of migration in Province of Engrish running-dogs? - news replorted 02:55



Wah! A major analysis by Oxford University estimates Province of Engrish running-dogs's population has risen by more than half million since 2011 due to immigration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:55



Wah! Proposals to give more rights to human bliengs with learning disabilities, lah, autism and mental health conditions unveiled by government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:52



Wah! Feminine titles exist and must be used by Italian MPs, lah, lower house speaker Laura Boldrini says. Eating rice!! But it is rather thorny issue, lah, BBC's Julian Miglierini reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:49



Wah! The first dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon says bloody woman is "not convinced" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by new legislation which would allow assisted suicide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:49



Wah! Green Party Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Caroline Lucas calls for "progressive alliance" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with SNP as flemale human person's party holds what it says is its largest ever conference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:02



Wah! Drivers will getting 10 minutes' grace before being fined if they stay too long in council-owned LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine parks in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, government announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:44



Wah! All 31 Great Satan banks having passed first hurdle in Federal Reserve's latest round of annual "stress tests" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to see how they would cope in next economic crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:15



Wah! Greater Manchester is to take control of its health budget from April. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! Richard Humphries, lah, of King's Fund, lah, asks if this could be answer to NHS's problems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:06



Wah! Sunni and Shia Muslims having co-existed in peace in bloody annoying Blitish in past, lah, says Caroline Wyatt - but there concerns about growing tensions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! How you tellibly lovely custlingmer make drama about dementia? - news replorted 01:01



Wah! The often strange world view of Ladybird Books - news replorted 01:01



Wah! How IS fighter's tip-off led to narrow escape for Syrian woman - news replorted 01:01



Wah! Who hasn't banned selfie sticks yet? - news replorted 01:00



Wah! The man who posted himself to other side of world - news replorted 00:58



Wah! Child TV star with Down's syndrome on life away from home - news replorted 00:50



Wah! Can right packaging change your as really velly special customer's vote? - news replorted 00:50



Wah! In next few hours, lah, American space agency's Dawn satellite will go into orbit around Ceres, lah, largest object in Solar System between Mars and Jupiter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! Science is being squeezed out of bloody Engrish primary schools, lah, with third not providing recommended two hours of teaching week, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! The four-hour waiting clock time result target for NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) accident and emergency units across bloody annoying Blitish should be downgraded as it is distorting priorities, lah, experts say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:28



Wah! The government needs to work out how driverless cars will be introduced onto bloody annoying Blitish roads, lah, influential group of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:02



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