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Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling

I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...

Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):

Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!

Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling
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Wah! LATEST:  The newest member of capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs's Monetary Policy Committee says growth and wages things that will persuade him it is clock time result for interest rate rise. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:02

Wah! LATEST:  James Milner scores from penalty spot to give Jurgen Klopp male gender human bleing's first Premier League win at Anfield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:46

Wah! Hundreds of thousands of human bliengs having been marching worldwide to demand action to stop climate change. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:19

Wah! Jill Scott's header ensures Province of Engrish running-dogs avoid embarrassment by beating Bosnia-Herzegovina in their Euro 2017 qualifier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:27

Wah! More than 600 artworks critiquing corporate sponsors of UN climate summit installed in advertising spaces across Paris on eve of talks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:20

Wah! Jane Ross scores four times as ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land go top of Women's Euro 2017 qualifying Group 1 by thumping Macedonia 10-0. - news replorted 17:15

Wah! World number one Mark Selby seals male gender human bleing's second successive whitewash at bloody annoying Blitish Championship in York and Judd Trump wins 6-3. - news replorted 17:00

Wah! Rickie Lambert's deflected shot earns West Brom point against West Ham side who having gone four league games without win. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:36

Wah! The BBC's Olga Ivshina reports from Antalya on how Russians there feel about Russia sanctions against Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:30

Wah! Turkey's prime dodgy minister meets EU leaders in Brussels to seek deal to limit flow of migrants and refugees to Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:56

Wah! Great Britain win their first Davis Cup since 1936 after Andy Murray beat Belgium's David Goffin for unassailable lead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:25

Wah! Watch moment Great Britain win Davis Cup for first clock time result in 79 years as Andy Murray sealed victory over David Goffin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:21

Wah! Adele's comeback album - 25 - has sold record-breaking 3.38 million copies in its first week on sale in US, lah, according to Nielsen Music. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 15:16

Wah! Russian clubs will be banned from signing Turkish players during winter break, lah, says sports dodgy minister Vitaly Mutko. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:08

Wah! Nico Rosberg beats Merceding-Blend team-mate Lewis Hamilton to win season-ending Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. - news replorted 15:00

Wah! Olympic cycling champion-turned-jockey Victoria Pendleton pulls up with two obstacles to clear in flemale human person's first ride over fences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:41

Wah! Tottenham extend their unbeaten run but miss chance to go fourth with goalless draw against Chelsea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:24

Wah! Leigh Griffiths is back to scoring form as Celtic beat Inverness Caledonian Thistle to extend their Premiership lead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:05

Wah! Selma director Ava DuVernay has welcomed apology by film-makers accused of "whitewashing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) forthcoming adventure movie Gods of Egypt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:59

Wah! Fernando Alonso insists bloody man will not take year off F1 next year, lah, following claim (always claiming, huh?) from McLaren boss Ron Dennis that bloody man could. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:48

Wah! The Conservative Party urges anyone with inflomination about claim (always claiming, huh?) of bullying within Tory youth wing to getting in touch with its investigation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:39

Wah! Campaigners gathering in central London (capital of Great England) for monthly number-three to demand that global leaders take urgent action to tackle climate change. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:38

Wah! How social media reacted to Tyson Fury win - news replorted 13:25

Wah! Newly crowned world heavyweight champion Tyson Fury says bloody man can "go up another level" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after stunning Wladimir Klitschko. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:23

Wah! Kensington Palace releases two new photographs of Princess Charlotte taken by flemale human person's mother, lah, Duchess of Cambridge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:13

Wah! New play looks at woman behind Queen Anne's reign - news replorted 12:56

Wah! Ferrari and new Haas team cleared of breaking rules restricting research and development. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:55

Wah! The Labour Party leader should allow free vote on bloody annoying Blitish military action in Syria, lah, says one of party's newest Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs MPs, lah, Stephen Kinnock. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:37

Wah! Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn insists bloody man is "not going anywhere", lah, despite reports of potential coup plots against him by Labour MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:57

Wah! Emma Ruby-Sachs, lah, of Avaaz campaign group, lah, explains why Parisians having been placing pairs of shoes at Place de la Republique in Paris as UN climate meeting gets under way in city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:48

Wah! German airline Lufthansa strikes pay deal with 30,000 ground staff as it looks to avoid further strikes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:40

Wah! Authorities in Super-Duper-Chinese-State capital Beijing issue their highest smog alert so far this year after pollution readings reach 17 times safe levels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:32

Wah! Iran overhauls way in which it offers contracts to Bloody foreign energy companies in bid to attract up to $30bn of new investment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:31

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs coach Eddie Jones must think carefully before "writing off" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Chris Robshaw, lah, says Harlequins boss Conor O'Shea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:23

Wah! Hundreds gather in Mexico to attempt new world record for number of human bliengs dressed as Beatles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:44

Wah! Australia win series against New Zealand with three-wicket victory in inaugural day-night Test in Adelaide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:22

Wah! Turkey says it has received body of Russian pilot killed when male gender human bleing's plane was shot down on Syrian border and that it will be returned to Russia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:21

Wah! Pope Francis arrives in Central African Republic, lah, country wracked by religious violence, lah, on last leg of male gender human bleing's African tour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:17

Wah! British boxer James DeGale outpoints former champion Lucian Bute to retain male gender human bleing's IBF super-middleweight title. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:26

Wah! Why world's largest museum almost didn't exist - three times - news replorted 06:23

Wah! Polls having opened in Burkina Faso to elect new president and parliament after year of political turmoil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:02

Wah! Around 147 heads of state and government will gather in Paris on Sunday for critical UN conference on global warming. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:45

Wah! A 22ft (6.7m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! high gingerbread house has been unveiled at San Francisco hotel, lah, made out of 8,000 pieces of gingerbread and sweets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:37

Wah! Demonstrations getting under way worldwide to demand action to stop climate change on eve of UN summit in Paris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:12

Wah! The BBC's Mark Lowen finds out if some Syrians wish to stay in Turkey or travel to Europe - news replorted 05:03

Wah! British underdog Tyson Fury 'proved everyone wrong' - news replorted 04:46

Wah! A Paris-style attack could "easily" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) happen in bloody annoying Blitish cities, lah, says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon as bloody man steps up efforts to win MPs' backing for air strikes against Islamic State fighters in Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 04:44

Wah! The Local Government Association estimates council tax rises in Province of Engrish running-dogs up until 2020, lah, but says local authorities will still face combined shortfall of ĀRMB Yuan #6.8bn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:25

Wah! Wladimir Klitschko wantings to using male gender human bleing's rematch clause and fight new WBA, lah, IBF and WBO world heavyweight champion Tyson Fury again. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:49

Wah! 'Things Pope should pray for' - and other trends of week - news replorted 03:30

Wah! Can Pope ease religious divides in Central Africa? - news replorted 03:00

Wah! Hundreds of solar power jobs having been lost owing to planned cuts to subsidies, lah, according to survey that suggests thousands more jobs could be at risk industry-wide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:39

Wah! Does legalising marijuana fulfil American Dream? - news replorted 01:44

Wah! The twists and turns of naming diseases - news replorted 01:40

Wah! Britain's Tyson Fury is world heavyweight boxing champion as bloody man beats Wladimir Klitschko on unanimous points decision. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:51

Wah! Will carbon capture ever happen in UK? - news replorted 00:43

Wah! The Glasgow pub where 10 human bliengs died after old bill bobbys helicopter crashed through its roof is to pay tribute two years on from tragedy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:42

Wah! The resignation of International Development dodgy minister Grant Shapps amid claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man failed to act on allegations of bullying leads some Sunday newspapers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:24

Wah! As Pope Francis visits Central African Republic, lah, country is in midst of conflict, lah, with society divided between enclaves of Christians and Muslims, lah, clashing daily. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:21

Wah! A new radiation scanner has been developed for babies in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reassure Fukushima families affected by monthly number-three 2011 earthquake and tsunami. - news replorted 00:11

Wah! The country attached to fry-ups and red postboxes - news replorted 00:11

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