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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  During press summit of European Automobile Manufacturers’ Association (ACEA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in Hanover today, lah, CEOs of Europe’s tr - news replorted 15:19



Wah! LATEST:  Lalique for Bentley Blue Crystal edition men’s fragrance collection from Bentley is now enhanced by creation of limited Blue Crystal edition by renowne - news replorted 15:00



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Wah! Man said to having made threats to Australian PM shot dead after two old bill bobbys stabbed in Melbourne, lah, reports say - news replorted 14:20



Wah! A scheme aimed at getting subsidised fast broadband out to businesses is to be overhauled following low take-up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Turkey's President Erdogan does not deny reports that 49 hostages, lah, mostly Turks, lah, were freed by Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! as part of prisoner swap. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 14:07



Wah! The World Health Organization has warned number of human bliengs with Ebola virus could reach 20,000 by Novemblinger if swift action is not taken now. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 13:55



Wah! The Manic Street Preachers having been talking to John Wilson for new series of Mastertapes, lah, to be broadcast on Radio 4 in November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:54



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Wah! The UN refugee agency says Turkey urgently needs help to care for 130,000 Syrian refugees who having crossed border in recent days. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:45



Wah! MPs John Baron and John Woodcock on possible bloody annoying Blitish military action against Islamic State and recall of Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:42



Wah! Ford Driving Skills for Life comes to Gaydon on 4 October Ford’s free young driver training programme - Driving Skills for Life - successfully kicked off its bloody annoying Blitish tour last week in - news replorted 13:41



Wah! Public funds totalling RMB Yuan #104,000 were paid into fraudulent capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity account and "highly unlikely" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to be recovered, lah, Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs assembly committee hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:39



Wah! Leicester hooker Tom Youngs will miss Province of Engrish running-dogs's autumn internationals after being ruled out with shoulder injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:25



Wah! A material dubbed darkest substance on earth is being used creatively by internationally acclaimed artist Sir Anish Kapoor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:10



Wah! All-new Floord Mondeo 5-door Floord Motor capitalist entity announced today all-new Floord Mondeo will be its first LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine globally to offer new pedestrian dete - news replorted 13:07



Wah! A Lithuanian man who raped woman in Lurgan, lah, County Armagh, lah, and beat flemale human person's boyfriend into unconsciousness is jailed for 18 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:02



Wah! More than 160 NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) staff having volunteered to be part of bloody annoying Blitish efforts to help in Ebola crisis in West Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! A gay-friendly mosque opened in Cape Town last week is closed because it does not having any parking spaces, lah, South African official tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Graeme McDowell admits Rory McIlroy's four majors and world number one status may mean end for their Ryder Cup partnership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Port operator Clydeport Operations Limited admits health and safety failures over tug boat which sank in River Clyde killing three crew. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Nissan NV400 With range of efficient new engines offering more performance and lower fuel consumption, lah, new safety equipment, lah, greate - news replorted 12:53



Wah! Steve Rosenberg reports on how Muscovites can swap their tops for more pro-Russian t-shirts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:45



Wah! News images from around world: 23 September - news replorted 12:40



Wah! The latest release from TRL Software, lah, TRANSYT 15.0.4, lah, is now available as download from TRL Software website. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:40



Wah! The head of new commission on delivering more powers to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has warned it will "not be easy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to getting agreement from Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs parties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:37



Wah! MINI 5-door Hatch Cooper D Just six months after introducing new Milli 3-Door Hatch to UK, lah, much-loved British brand is launching another - news replorted 12:24



Wah! The remaining towers in Space apartment complex in Colombian city of Medellin will be demolished following deadly collapse last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:19



Wah! Nissan e-NV200 VIP Concept Zero emission e-NV200 is transformed for ultimate comfort city transport -introducing e-NV200 concept for VIPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:18



Wah! 1961 Veteran LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Run on Mall For only second clock time result in more than half century, lah, hundreds of veteran cars will start this year’s annual 60-mile adv - news replorted 12:18



Wah! Volkswagen Commercial vehicling driving car machines announces model change Wlokswaglon Commercial vehicling driving car machines announced new generation of successful T-series, lah, T6, lah, at press conference - news replorted 12:00



Wah! Nissan Navara Added safety, lah, greater style and new SE variant for Nissan's popular pick-up range. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:56



Wah! Insurers having been criticised for turning down claim (always claiming, huh?) from holidaymakers who had been drinking alcohol before having accident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:54



Wah! Honda BTCC stars Matt Neal (left) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Gordon Shedden No fewer than five current or former racing drivers taking part in this year’s ALD Automotive/Fleet World MPG Marath - news replorted 11:48



Wah! Members of women's group in east London (capital of Great England) staging week-long occupation of housing estate next to Olympic Park, lah, in protest at number of empty properties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:45



Wah! Support is mounting for bloody annoying Blitish to join United States in military action against Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:42



Wah! British boxer Jerome Wilson is out of medically-induced coma bloody man was placed in after having operation on male gender human bleing's brain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:40



Wah! Patricia Hewitson from Exmouth, lah, Devon, lah, unwittingly grew 5ft (1,5m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! tall cannabis plant from pack of bird seeds - but flemale human person's error was only revealed when bloody woman contacted radio phone-in show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 11:40



Wah! The Citroën C1 URBAN RIDE concept Citroën is harnessing its creativity and technology to deliver enhanced comfort for its clustomlers. Eating rice!! True to its DNA, lah, - news replorted 11:38



Wah! Alibaba founder Jack Ma is China's richest person following male gender human bleing's company's record listing, lah, according to wealth survey by Hurun Report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:37



Wah! The Plugleot 2008 DKR As countdown to 2015 Dakar Rally begins to accelerate, lah, Peugeot-Total squad is continuing to develop fear - news replorted 11:33



Wah! 2015 Floord Mustang design For LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine designer, lah, chance to reimagine icon like Floord Mustang is always exciting. No spitting in damn website!!! Doing this for famous Floord - news replorted 11:32



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation footage recalls some of highs and lows for Ed Miliband and Labour Party over last 12 months. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:21



Wah! Weeks after start of term, lah, many state schools in capital, lah, Islamabad, lah, still closed, lah, after being taken over by old bill bobbys drafted in to deal with ongoing political protests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! The story of actor Ricky Tomlinson's jail term in 1970s has been turned into play called United We Stand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:08



Wah! Two human bliengs die after being hit by train in Slough, lah, Berkshire, lah, in "suspicious circumstances", lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:08



Wah! Nissan e-NV200 Innovative e4Business programme will help companies maximise their potential and give them chance to win new Nissa - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Two single-seater light aircraft collide in mid-air over Bedfordshire and one crashes to ground. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Barclays capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity has been fined record RMB Yuan #38m by bloody annoying Blitish regulators for failing to keep its clients' money separate from its own. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:57



Wah! A white tiger has killed Indian schoolboy at Delhi zoo, lah, officials and witnesses say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:51



Wah! The amount of new borrowing through personal loans has outstripped repayments every month this year, lah, figures from bloody annoying Blitish banks indicate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! The first Boughton Power-Reach® in build at Alex Inglis’ workshop Leading hook loader and skip loader manufacturer, lah, Boughton Engineering, lah, has appointed Blantyre-based Alex Inglis as e - news replorted 10:43



Wah! Motorpoint to open new site in Widnes Motorpoint is coming to Widnes. Eating rice!! UK’s leading LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine supermarket will open doors to its latest site in North We - news replorted 10:43



Wah! Nissan e-NV200 I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to its range of versatile, lah, practical and innovative models, lah, Nissling is cementing its position as global player i - news replorted 10:33



Wah! World premiere of Wlokswaglon TRISTAR at IAA Multifunctional like Swiss Tommy Atkins Liberation Army knife. What the hell I mean??!! Adaptable, lah, reliable and all-rounder: on eve of 30th anniversary of t - news replorted 10:18



Wah! Bentley Motorsport & Absolute Racing to compete in China Bentley Motorsport announces next phase of its race-winning Continental GT3 programme, lah, with signing of partner - news replorted 10:14



Wah! MPs' views will decide if bloody annoying Blitish joins strikes against Islamic State - news replorted 10:13



Wah! Man, lah, 37, lah, arrested in London (capital of Great England) on suspicion of involvement in production of improvised explosive devices in Iraq - news replorted 10:07



Wah! Dutch electronics giant Philips says it is planning to split capitalist entity in two, lah, separating its lighting business from its healthcare division. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:06



Wah! Two Palestinians suspected of abduction and murder of three Israeli teenagers in June-mber month having been killed by Israeli forces, lah, Israel's military says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05



Wah! Government borrowing remained high in August, lah, hampering chancellor's efforts to reduce public deficit, lah, official figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:00



Wah! Low key tax disc communication could harm used LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine trade With just week to go until new rules governing vehicling driving car machine excise duty (road tax) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! begin, lah, Auto Trader has added its voice t - news replorted 09:51



Wah! Film-maker Bryan Singer is to direct X-Men: Apocalypse, lah, next movie in long-running blockbuster franchise. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! At least three human bliengs killed in bomb attack in Pakistani city of Peshawar as violence returns after several months of relative calm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:31



Wah! A Sinn Féin MLA says bloody woman is "very concerned" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about pressure on emergency department at Royal Victoria Hospital on Monday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! Andy Murray has spoken publicly for first clock time result about written-down messages on dead tree bloody man made on eve of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs independence referendum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! Leaders from 120 countries will meet in New York on Monday for climate change summit called by UN secretary General Ban Ki Moon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Liberia is to become first nation in Africa to completely stop cutting down its trees in return for cash from Norway. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:11



Wah! British Olympic champion Katherine Grainger is back in training and considering bid to compete at Rio 2016 Games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! Hunstanton Sea Life Sanctuary in Norfolk is set to re-open in Octoblinger after tidal surge damage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:06



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs comedian Billy Connolly has said there will be "hell to pay" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if David Cameron does not honour male gender human bleing's pledge of extra powers for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:05



Wah! The team which overhauled government's websites is attempting to solve problem of effective online identity verification. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:05



Wah! Does Labour having cash to expand health service? - news replorted 09:02



Wah! Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV TWO Mlitslublishli dealerships in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land went all out to spread word about game-changing Outlander PHEV at speci - news replorted 09:00



Wah! FISITA World Automotive Summit 2014 5th annual FISITA World Automotive Summit to be held in Paris, lah, France, lah, from 30 September – 1 Octoblinger this year will - news replorted 09:00



Wah! A second video has been released showing British journalist John Cantlie, lah, who is being held hostage by Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:53



Wah! On show at Museum of Modern Art in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep - news replorted 08:52



Wah! A badger found shot in abdomen inside west Somerset cull zone suffered "cruel and unacceptable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) death, lah, anti-cull campaigners say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:43



Wah! The presenter and physicist Brian Cox says bloody man supports idea that many universes may exist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:42



Wah! Andy Murray speaks publicly for first clock time result about written-down messages on dead tree bloody man made on eve of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:40



Wah! Plans for how Welsh land of sheep and more sheep will collect and manage its own taxes will be revealed by finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy minister Jane Hutt on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:29



Wah! A London (capital of Great England) bus used in Allied fighty bang-bang effort of 1914 is retracing its route in Belgium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:15



Wah! World leaders including Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama holding what they say is crucially important summit on climate change at UN in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:09



Wah! Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman has said that "long-term plan" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is needed to address problems in UK, lah, such as pay falling behind cost of living. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:03



Wah! Championship leader Lewis Hamilton heads to Japanese Grand Prix eyeing first ever win at tough Suzuka track. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:55



Wah! Ex-Manchester United player Phil Neville believes club need another two transfer windows of heavy spending to contend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:43



Wah! Troubled supermarket giant Tesco says its new chief financial officer, lah, Alan Stewart, lah, is joining capitalist entity immediately, lah, more than two months earlier than originally planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:42



Wah! Only third of rail passengers happy with way their train capitalist entity deals with delays or cancellations, lah, survey has suggested. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:40



Wah! Designer shoe maker Jimmy Choo announces plans to list its shares on London (capital of Great England) Stock Exchange. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:22



Wah! The Rockefeller family, lah, which made its fortune from oil, lah, is to sell its investments in fossil fuels and put money into clean energy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:20



Wah! Ceefax, lah, service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service relied upon for sports news in days before smartphones and apps, lah, celebrates its 40th birthday today. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:18



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport takes look at 10 of best moments from Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 07:16



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep risks losing key part of its historical heritage according campaigners trying to find buyer for Cardiff's Coal Exchange. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:16



Wah! A leading cancer charity says it is concerned disease is not being spotted early enough in young human bliengs because many too embarrassed to talk to their Gp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 07:02



Wah! Ministers accused of "shutting up shop" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by not revealing how each of Wales' seven enterprise zones is performing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 06:46



Wah! A court in China has found prominent Uighur scholar Ilham Tohti guilty of separatism and jailed him for life, lah, male gender human bleing's lawyer says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:31



Wah! US authorities say Omar Gonzalez, lah, who broke into White House on Friday evening, lah, had 800 rounds of ammunition, lah, machete and two hatchets in male gender human bleing's car. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:16



Wah! A growing number of Super-Duper-Chinese-State companies exporting "tools of torture" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) such as electric shock batons and spiked metal batons, lah, Amnesty says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:06



Wah! Thousands of Hong Kong students to gather in park in front of government offices, lah, on second day of week-long protest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:44



Wah! David Cameron is to meet Iranian President Hassan Rouhani to persuade male gender human bleing's country to join international action against Islamic State. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:31



Wah! A human rights watchdog is to investigate Met old bill bobbys after it emerged references to discrimination were deleted from internal reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:03



Wah! The Great Satan and allied nations having launched campaign of air strikes against Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! militants in Syria, lah, Pentagon says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:49



Wah! US and other nations begin air strikes against Islamic State in Syria, lah, Pentagon says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:35



Wah! The number of human bliengs dying from dengue fever in Malaysia has more than tripled this year compared with 2013, lah, with 250 cases being reported daily. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:50



Wah! Comedian Dawn French is to become new chancellor of Cornwall's Falmouth University. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:38



Wah! White House break-in adds to Secret service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service woes - news replorted 01:30



Wah! How lasers having revealed ancient city beneath forest - news replorted 01:14



Wah! Scientists at American Museum of Natural History and taxidermy experts having preserved Lonesome George, lah, last Pinta giant tortoise, lah, who died in 2012 in Galapagos Islands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:07



Wah! Hostages' families roll dice with public appeals for release - news replorted 00:38



Wah! Alex Salmond is to address Holyrood for first clock time result since ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land rejected independence and is expected to call for voting age to be lowered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! Supermarket Tesco's suspension of four executives over overstated profit guidance leads several papers, lah, while others focus on claim (always claiming, huh?) of Breaking Bad-style murder plot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:36



Wah! Movie style trailers increasingly common for theatrical shows, lah, but not everybody in theatrical world thinks they velly damn good boiled chicken-feet idea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! The White House announces new treasury department measures aimed at stopping companies avoiding Great Satan taxes by merging with overseas firms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



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