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WEBSITE ADVICE
from Ling


Stop regarding website as a "thing". Regard it as real life, alive, like an animal or pet. You need to feed website EVERY day! Maybe like pet spider.

On other hand, spider can be baked like potato in China, delicious! hehe, with added bonus of 8 "drumsticks" per spider. Better value than frog or chicken - Ling


I am so pleased that most people like website. Recently, I have many questions asked about how to make own site that works like my site. Here are Ling thoughts...


Most people and business look at website wrong way. Try plugging head into 240v mains electric to clear brain.

Website is like an extension of you, person behind business. Are you alive? Then website should be alive. Do you change, have emotion, get angry, get happy? Then website should do all these things. Here is how (in Ling humble opinion):


Learn how to do basic editing on website. Use program like Macromedia Dreamweaver and sit with clever druggy student who show you some basic skill. It is actually quite easy. Learn to do things in source code. This is trick. Then you UNDERSTAND. Suddenly you say WAH! Then easy. You are capable adult, you can learn this stuff if you have interest. You can view source code of pages, and copy and paste something to duplicate an idea from someone else's site. Or to do same thing again on your own site. Every time I do something like this window, I just copy paste and then change text and pictures. Not do it from scratch. So easy!



Whatever question, any question, answer is always "DATABASE". If you are showing any "things" on website ALWAYS use database. SQL (MySQL) is best and free, Access is Microsoft shit but works OK I suppose. Always begin by creating database. This is so, so important. Talk to student, pay money to get this right! If you do this well, you may be able to run WHOLE BUSINESS from website database, making website pivot of business. This is how it should be, as website is more real than a real shop.

Get a nice FTP client like WS-FTP and be familiar with it. FTP like mad, up, down, up, down into your server space. Learn this. Do things live on web. Send up, refresh page, look, change, send up again, refresh, look, change and so on. Nobody just gets it right. Ask drug student to help when you hit errors, you soon understand. (Always save old page under different name - I use > symbol after page name so I can restore it if I go wrong).

And that's it! Now just extend your life into your webpage. You get an idea, put it up! You get a letter, just post it up! You want a picture, google image search, fanny to size, then post! So quick, so easy, so alive. Avoid mistake of writing like you are doing PR booklet. Talk normally, express emotions. DO NOT get someone else to write your stuff!!! Visitors are normal people, they like "feeling". Best TV programs have emotion and feeling. Website same!... Do you read and understand this, or are you stupid dumb dumb who goes down boring "professional" route? All you do there is throw money. I am talking about throwing your feelings. Gettit?

Most business make mistake of paying a company to build page, without learning. Learn! Modify, change. Don't pay the idiots to do this, do it yourself. Treat webpage like business office or shop. If you want to move a desk in office you move it. Put calendar on wall, you put. Do the same on website. Do every day. So simple. All your customers can see this. They get "feeling" from it.

Just make sure pages load right. Test each page all the time. Be your website's best visitor. Keep an eye on stats. Make sure up, up, up.

Make sure website can do everything normal person can do if they visit your shop in real life. Avoid long forms, think like customer. So easy all this. Now promote website by every means, fax shot, letter, find an advertising site bring you traffic.

Last, don't let 1 day go by without changing or feeding or petting website, even tiny thing. If you don't feed website it will die. Like pet. This is all emotion, not fact. You think I'm wrong? Look at your website, look at my website. When last time you even visit, never mind change? In real life you tell jokes, eat, drink, shout etc; do all this on website! Wah, this is so simple but most people consume in "professionalism". Visitor just want website to work well for them.

That's it. Sorry if this is too long. Sorry if you expect more. Hope this helps you, please let me know! - Ling

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Wah! LATEST:  Fifa agrees to publish "legally appropriate version" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of disputed report into allegations of World Cup bidding corruption. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:37



Wah! LATEST:  The Great Satan software giant takes legal action against firms it alleges having been offering bogus tech support in its name to unwitting consumers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:33



Wah! A Japanese stem cell scientist at heart of scandal over false claim (always claiming, huh?) and fabricated research has resigned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:27



Wah! Councils urged to hold old bill bobbys ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to account on way national decisions impact on their own areas - news replorted 12:12



Wah! Two men accused of helping 17-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Cardiff boy leave bloody annoying Blitish to join fighters in Syria will stand trial in London (capital of Great England) in June. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:08



Wah! Exclusive: Inside Iraq air base as Islamic State closes in - news replorted 12:02



Wah! The trial of two former RUC detectives collapsed on Friday after prosecution offered no evidence against them. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! The parents of Levi-Blu Cassin cleared of male gender human bleing's murder at Birmingham Crown Court - but convicted of causing or allowing male gender human bleing's death. - news replorted 11:59



Wah! Former model Mandy Rice-Davies, lah, one of main figures in 1960s Profumo affair, lah, has died from cancer at age of 70, lah, flemale human person's publicist has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:58



Wah! Hundreds of thousands of human bliengs expected to using UK's transport networks on Friday as schools break up and Christmas getaway begins. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:32



Wah! There will be fresh wave of strikes across NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) in Province of Engrish running-dogs in new year, lah, it has been announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:31



Wah! Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta signs into law controversial anti-terror bill which sparked fighting between Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters in parliament on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:30



Wah! Photo-sharing app Instagram has removed millions of accounts believed to be posting spam, lah, angering many legitimate users. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:30



Wah! A man who was rescued from river in Cardiff died shortly after bloody man was pulled from water, lah, old bill bobbys confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:25



Wah! A killer who bludgeoned and stabbed woman to death, lah, then kept location of flemale human person's remains secret for 14 years, lah, is jailed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! The Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate R8 winter solstice – Jesus-baby month Decemblinger 21 –  is almost upon us, lah, and Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate has chosen to mark shortest day of year and - news replorted 11:16



Wah! A 17-earth-years old happy birthday to you, is arrested after boxing world title contender suffered fractured skull tackling two alleged burglars at neighbour's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! Steve Hood, lah, TrustFord Chairman and CEO Floord of Britain's wholly owned, bloody dealering idiot place group, lah, TrustFord, lah, is announcing appointment of Steve Hood as Chairman and Chie - news replorted 11:06



Wah! Hyundai Motor supplies vehicling driving car machines to support ‘Crisis at Christmas’ Ryundali is supporting Crisis, lah, national charity for single homeless people, lah, by supplying vehicling driving car machines for using by its dedi - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Migrants made about 100 attempts day to getting into bloody annoying Blitish illegally this summer, lah, official figures suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Astronauts on International Space Station using 3-D printer to make wrench, lah, from instructions sent up in email. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:56



Wah! Nigeria's government said it is "outraged and deeply saddened" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after militants attacked remote village and reportedly kidnapped about 200 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! Toyota GB headquarters, lah, Burgh Heath Toyota’s commitment to building cleaner cars is matched by its determination to cut carbon footprint of its business - news replorted 10:41



Wah! A controversial garden bridge is to be built across River Thames as Mayor of London (capital of Great England) approves scheme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:39



Wah! Pressures in A&E units in Province of Engrish running-dogs having hit record levels while Welsh land of sheep and more sheep and Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers also perform poorly, lah, figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:32



Wah! An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is taken to hospital after being shot twice in leg at fast food outlet in west Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:17



Wah! Brutal old bill bobbys budget cuts stretching policing to dangerous levels, lah, Gwent old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) commissioner warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05



Wah! Saracens call for Premiership wage cap to be abolished and say they having backing of six other top-flight teams. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:03



Wah! Ex-Aston Villa assistant manager Roy Keane's doorstep chat with Tom Cleverley was civilised, lah, says Paul Lambert. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! An off-duty old bill bobbys officer dies and two other men hurtee-hurtee in assault in Liverpool city centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:58



Wah! 2015 Fleet World Fleet Show Extra stand space created in response to huge demand for sell-out Fleet World Fleet Show, lah, sponsored by Barclayca - news replorted 09:49



Wah! Pakistan's military says it has killed 57 Taliban militants in several operations, lah, days after Taliban massacre at school in Peshawar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! The government is "working on solution" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to avoid drop in school funding for poorest pupils because all Province of Engrish running-dogs's infants now getting free meals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:40



Wah! Robbie Savage rates each of Brendan Rodgers' signings for Liverpool and explains what manager should in January. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:35



Wah! (L tor R) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Chris Rees, lah, Conor Twomey, lah, Sue Baker and Massimo Pini FIAT'S press and PR department has been presented with steering wheel trophy to mark its victory earlier this year in - news replorted 09:35



Wah! Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is criticised by bloody annoying Blitish Statistics Authority over flemale human person's using of statistics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:33



Wah! West Ham boss Sam Allardyce says FA was wrong to charge Leicester's Nigel Pearson over male gender human bleing's row with fan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:22



Wah! Low drivee many mile measure collection Silverstone Auctions is set to offer bloody velly special collection of 1990s Italian sports cars in its Race Retro Sale on th - news replorted 09:17



Wah! A leading figure in UK's oil industry, lah, Sir Ian Wood, lah, tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation warnings industry is close to collapse overstating problem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:16



Wah! Former model Mandy Rice-Davies, lah, one of main figures in 1960s Profumo affair, lah, who had cancer, lah, has died, lah, flemale human person's publicist says - news replorted 09:11



Wah! A ruined Spanish businessman drives LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine carrying gas cylinders into front of governing Popular Party's headquarters in Madrid, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:59



Wah! How Frank Lampard is involved in intriguing problem that could provide huge setback for one of MLS' newest clubs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:57



Wah! Renault bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup: Mike Bushell - Champion Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup racing entered fresh era in 2014 with introduction of new fourth generation turbo-powered - news replorted 08:49



Wah! Slower responses to any water supply disruption over Christmas inevitable during NI Water industrial action, lah, says union representative. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:45



Wah! Half of younger primary school children in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep still hungry some or all of clock time result after eating their school meal, lah, children's commissioner says - news replorted 08:27



Wah! MINI John Cooper Works One year after Great Satan premiere of new MINI, lah, British premium manufacturer presents another spectacular addition t - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Details emerge of attempt to secure release of kidnapped Great Satan aid worker Abdul-Rahman Kassig before bloody man was killed by Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:21



Wah! Automated translation is no longer stuff of sci-fi fiction, lah, since Skype launched beta version of its Translator service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:20



Wah! Power generation firms to receive close to RMB Yuan #1bn to ensure their plants stay open and prevent lights going out in coming years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:07



Wah! Two human bliengs arrested on suspicion of murder after man died in hospital following stabbing in Essex park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:06



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Borders Council is encouraging families to consider giving an alternative Christmas present in form of - news replorted 08:05



Wah! Progress is seen at two Birmingham schools placed in special measures after so-called "Trojan Horse" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) affair, lah, Ofsted says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:03



Wah! World first technology by Wolwo and POC connects cycle helmets wi In ground-breaking collaboration, lah, Wolwo Cars, lah, protective gravity sports gear manufacturer POC and Ericsson will presen - news replorted 08:00



Wah! It's almost Christmas, lah, and Sula's new ear implants mean bloody woman will be able to hear carols and jingle bells this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:29



Wah! Day 19 of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport Calendar looks back at Odell Beckham Jr's stunning one-handed catch for touchdown for New York Giants in NFl. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:26



Wah! Rangers announce former Newcastle United managing director Derek Llambias as their new chief executive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:23



Wah! A Pakistani government prosecutor says bloody man is challenging bail granted to man accused of being behind 2008 Mumbai terror attacks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:22



Wah! Emergency crews across Welsh land of sheep and more sheep expect one of busiest nights of year as many revellers overindulge on final Friday before Christmas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:17



Wah! A Super-Duper-Chinese-State court has jailed pilot for three years over 2010 crash in Heilongjiang province that left 44 human bliengs dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:09



Wah! Suspected risk of abuse or neglect of children or adults must reported by police, lah, health workers and other officials from 2016. - news replorted 06:42



Wah! Sebastian Vettel left Red Bull partly because of pace of team-mate Daniel Ricciardo, lah, says team boss Christian Horner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:29



Wah! Hundreds of thousands of men around world falling victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) every year to pernicious form of online crime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:25



Wah! Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers house prices could increase by 4% next year, lah, according to forecast by Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (RICS). - news replorted 06:23



Wah! Archaeologists working on site near Stonehenge say they having found untouched 6,000-earth-years old happy birthday to you, encampment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:17



Wah! A Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Executive budget that would reduce student numbers is "nonsensical", lah, according to leading business organisation, lah, CBI. - news replorted 06:14



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's children's dodgy minister becomes first member of Holyrood government to take maternity leave. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:13



Wah! Victims and witnesses could pre-record video statements rather than giving evidence in court under new proposals being considered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:13



Wah! A South Korean Christian group cancels plans to put up Christmas-tree shaped tower close to border with North, lah, citing "jitters". - news replorted 05:54



Wah! The Conservative Party has prevented two of home secretary's special advisers from standing for Parliament after they failed to campaign in Rochester and Strood by-election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:43



Wah! A 17-earth-years old happy birthday to you, with stepdad in prison tells Newsbeat what life is like for her. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:11



Wah! Women could be allowed to serve in British infantry units for first clock time result by 2016, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands, lah, subject to review into female soldiers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:00



Wah! South Korea bans political party for first clock time result in decades, lah, with court ordering party accused of supporting North to disband. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:53



Wah! The world's largest canned tuna producer Thai Union Frozen Products is buying Great Satan rival Bumble Bee Foods for $1.5bn (RMB Yuan #96m). - news replorted 04:48



Wah! Capturing black life on Instagram - news replorted 04:31



Wah! Eight children found dead at house in Manoora suburb of Cairns, lah, Australia, lah, say police, lah, reportedly after mass stabbing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 03:45



Wah! The government's Access to Work scheme is only helping "minority" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of disabled human bliengs stay in, lah, or gain, lah, employment, lah, group of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:05



Wah! Marc Maiffret, lah, former hacker who is now internet security expert, lah, says it is easy for hacker to break into capitalist entity Sony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:53



Wah! Kurdish forces in northern Iraq say they having broken IS siege of Mount Sinjar, lah, claiming their biggest victory yet against militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:42



Wah! A secret CIA report released by Wikileaks says strikes against Taliban leaders having had little impact on group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 02:33



Wah! Tracking data reveals that golden-winged warblers fled one day before rainy season-month Aplil 2014 Great Satan tornado outbreak, lah, probably because they "heard it coming". - news replorted 02:21



Wah! Regularly taking painkillers such as aspirin and ibuprofen may help protect against some forms of skin cancer, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:57



Wah! The precise part of brain that gives human bliengs sense of direction has been pinpointed by scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:46



Wah! The battle for guns at university - news replorted 01:45



Wah! Up to 28 doctors took their own lives between 2005 and 2013 while being investigated by General Medical Council, lah, independent review of cases has found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Could period of relative stability in Chechnya be coming to end, lah, asks Dr Galina Yemelianova. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:39



Wah! The Pakistan Government and military distrust each other - and that makes combating violence difficult, lah, says Owen Bennett-Jones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:35



Wah! Adrees Latif explains how bloody man captured moment man was treated for effects of pepper spray. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:12



Wah! the tradition that only got going in 1960s - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Nearly 250 prison officers being bussed across country to fill gaps at other jails because staff shortages so acute this Christmas, lah, according to leaked documents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04



Wah! Fish filmed more than 8,000m down in Mariana Trench - deepest place on Earth. - news replorted 01:01



Wah! Fish having been filmed more than 8,000m down in Mariana Trench - deepest place on Earth. - news replorted 00:59



Wah! The agency guarding Great Satan president is too insular and must recruit its next head externally, lah, review prompted by White House security breach says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:49



Wah! Record numbers of students entered university this year, lah, but gender gap has never been wider, lah, according to annual admission figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! The European Union needs "plan for years" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) towards Russia, lah, Donald Tusk says, lah, chairing male gender human bleing's first summit as European Council president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:36



Wah! Shrinking bubbles generated by ships could counteract impact of climate change, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Microsoft has launched test version of Skype Translator which decodes conversations in Spanish and bloody Engrish in near real time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! Do you tellibly lovely custlingmer remember who said what from 2014? - news replorted 00:14



Wah! The West's struggle to deal with threat posed by Islamic State militants features in some papers, lah, while others gearing up for Christmas festivities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The do-it-yourself electronics maker littleBits has released "smart home" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) automation kit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The BBC's Andrew Walker considers how big problem global debt really is. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Did Vladimir Putin gamble on high oil prices lasting for ever? - news replorted 00:09



Wah! The underground escape games taking Hungary by storm - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The bus that deals with drunk human bliengs on worst days of year - news replorted 00:00



Wah! Why human bliengs flocking to Hungary in order (piece of paper signee upee) to try and escape from locked rooms? - news replorted 00:00



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