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complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

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invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Citroen Dispatch 1.6 BlueHDi (115bhp) Enterprise (Length M) 1000kg Start & Stop Van 1560cc Diesel at £305.23 inc VAT at 10:56 today - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
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Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
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-Ling
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lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A two-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl whose father was killed when family were swept off rocks and into sea by large wave also dies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:16



Wah! LATEST:  Fans of writer Truman Capote getting chance to getting their hands on unusual and particularly macabre piece of memorabilia - male gender human bleing's ashes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:57



Wah! Doctors battled in vain for 35 minutes to save footballer Dalian Atkinson after bloody man was Tasered by police, lah, inquest into male gender human bleing's death hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:56



Wah! Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn angered by media questions about claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man was not able to getting seat on Virgin Train. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:44



Wah! MPs having recommended banning tiny particles of plastic called "microbeads" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) which used in number of cosmetics and cleaning products. Eating rice!! But why having they taken move? - news replorted 11:38



Wah! Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn reacts angrily to questions about whether bloody man ignored empty seats before filming piece about overcrowded trains. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:38



Wah! West Ham boss Slaven Bilic is "interested" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Manchester City's Wilfried Bony following injuries to Andy Carroll and Andre Ayew. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! The boss of Lloyds regrets "adverse publicity and damage" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) caused by recent media coverage of male gender human bleing's personal life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Aaron Ramsey and Jonny Williams not included in Wales' squad for opening 2018 World Cup qualifier against Moldova on 5 September. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Why did Sir Richard Branson plunge into row with Jeremy Corbyn - and why nearly week after incident? - news replorted 11:01



Wah! Transporter Sportline Wlokswaglon Commercial vehicling driving car machines is set to add new Sportline model to its best-selling Transporter range – reintroducing - news replorted 10:57



Wah! The BBC's James Reynolds reports from Amatrice, lah, which has been one of worst areas affected by earthquake in central Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:52



Wah! Former Sale Sharks player Cillian Willis is to sue club alleging clinical negligence over career-ending concussion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:45



Wah! Footage has emerged of moment pavement opened up in city in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! Volkswagen Tiguan R-Line Just in clock time result for debut of new ‘66’ registration prefix on 1 September, lah, Wlokswaglon is revealing selection of co - news replorted 09:51



Wah! Survivors of magnitude 6.2 earthquake in Italian town of Amatrice having been pulled to safety by rescuers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:48



Wah! Honda Africa Twin Rondla Motor Co. Ai-yaa!!! Ltd. I read you little red book! has been making company-wide and all-out effort to resume production at its Kumamoto Factory, lah, fol - news replorted 09:20



Wah! Historian and author of international bestseller Sapiens: Brief History of Humankind, lah, Yuval Noah Harari speaks about future of humanity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:09



Wah! Universities and NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) trusts having been hit hard by ransomware in last year, lah, according to Freedom of inflomination requests carried out by two cybersecurity firms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01



Wah! Exciting news from WMS Group, lah, WAH! As of 1st September 2016 we will be launching television adverts across bloody annoying Blitish fea - news replorted 09:00



Wah! CarFest North Rondla (UK) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is heading to CarFest South this Friday for weekend of cars, lah, bikes, lah, music, lah, fun and food at Laverstoke Park - news replorted 08:00



Wah! The all-new, lah, fourth-generation Klia Rio all-new, lah, fourth-generation Klia Rio will make its world premiere on 29 September in Paris, lah, at 2016 Mondial de l’A - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Resident of village of Arquata del Tronto, lah, Sabrina Sbermola, lah, describes damage caused by earthquake which has struck central Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:55



Wah! Deputy editor of Times, lah, Emma Tucker, lah, shows Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation damage caused by earthquake in house where bloody woman is staying in Le Marche region of Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:46



Wah! The town of Amatrice was among several locations to suffer serious damage when magnitude 6.2 earthquake hit central Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:09



Wah! A selection of your as really velly special customer's pictures from around Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:52



Wah! Ukraine is celebrating 25 years since it gained independence from Soviet Union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:12



Wah! China gives world first glimpse of space probe and rover it plans to using in its first mission to Mars in 2020. - news replorted 05:43



Wah! The Turkish military has launched operation to clear Syrian border town of so-called Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! militants, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:16



Wah! The body representing UK's civil nuclear old bill bobbys challenge rule forcing them to work beyond age of 60, lah, calling it "physically impossible". - news replorted 04:58



Wah! More than 30 human bliengs witnessed knife attack at Queensland backpackers hostel which left British woman dead and British man fighting for male gender human bleing's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:24



Wah! A former Met old bill bobbys officer who sued force for wrongly using its powers to investigate flemale human person's after bloody woman went on holiday while on sick leave wins flemale human person's case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:11



Wah! A magnitude 6.2 earthquake hits central Italy, lah, south of city of Perugia, lah, Great Satan Geological Survey says, lah, with shock also felt in Rome. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:06



Wah! In September 1960, lah, Margaret Maughan won Great Britain's first ever Paralympics medal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:02



Wah! The latest release of previously secret Bloody foreign Office papers from 1980s reveals humorous footnote to British government's ambivalent attitude towards Nelson Mandela. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:59



Wah! A campaign to fast-track British citizenship for South African runner Zola Budd triggered major government rift in mid-1980s, lah, newly released rice-paper officialing doumentlation show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 02:59



Wah! Detectives leading criminal investigation into Hillsborough disaster release CCTV images of 19 men they wanting to speak to. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:15



Wah! Owen Smith says if bloody man is elected Labour leader, lah, party would block invoking Article 50 in Parliament unless any Brexit deal is put to electorate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:14



Wah! A Chicago court accepts that artist Peter Doig did not paint landscape, lah, valued at $10m (RMB Yuan #7.6m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! when it was believed to be by him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! The Australian woman credited with creating burkini says bans on full-bodied Islamic swimsuit in France having boosted sales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Can treating immune system lead to revolution in treating depression? - news replorted 01:43



Wah! France's immigrant suburbs having terrible image and accused of breeding jihadists, lah, but there is hidden, lah, dynamic side to them, lah, says Henri Astier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:23



Wah! People found carrying powerful laser pointers should be arrested, lah, even if they not in use, lah, head of UK's aviation regulator says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:14



Wah! A new study suggests ramen noodles now most valuable prison commodity. You give me happy happy luck luck. Why and how inmates whip up their own delicacies? - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Detecting traces of perfume could help in fight against crime, lah, study suggests - news replorted 00:48



Wah! A worldwide ban on plastic microbeads in cosmetics should be imposed as soon as possible, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters demand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! A shortage of HIV testing could undermine global efforts to diagnose and treat human bliengs with infection, lah, warn experts from World Health Organization. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! An advert for bookmaker Ladbrokes featuring superhero Iron Man is banned by advertising watchdog over fears it would appeal to children. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:44



Wah! The row between Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and Virgin Trains boss Sir Richard Branson over seat availability dominates front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! With ecstasy, lah, or MDMA, lah, being bought more freely on dark net, lah, drug is growing in popularity - and in strength. - news replorted 00:31



Wah! Tesla Motors unveils new battery pack for its cars that boss Elon Musk says marks profound milestone for speed and distance of its electric vehicling driving car machines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:28



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs government is to publish its latest calculation of taxation and spending in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, as guide to health of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's public services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:21



Wah! As Great Satan Vice-President Joe Biden arrives in Turkish capital, lah, how relations between two countries stand? - news replorted 00:19



Wah! The world's newest gold rush is under way in West African country of Mauritania as thousands rush into Sahara hoping to strike it rich. - news replorted 00:16



Wah! Gaza's last tiger Laziz is leaving for new home and life in South African sanctuary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:10



Wah! The sporting velly damn good boiled chicken-feets giants of Nike and Adidas both looking to sell their golf club businesses. Eating rice!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation looks at what some of reasons may be. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:03



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