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Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

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invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

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"Harrumph! I'm out!"

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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Mazda 6 2.2 d 16v (147bhp) SE Nav Saloon 4dr 2191cc Diesel at £250.80 inc VAT at 16:48 yesterday - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A mother who tried to protect flemale human person's sons during compulsorly dying instantly dog attack is praised for flemale human person's 'heroic' bravery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:26



Wah! LATEST:  The impeachment of President Park Geun-hye could end long but sometimes tragic life in politics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:08



Wah! MP Michelle Thomson, lah, who revealed in House of Commons that bloody woman was raped at age of 14, lah, has explained why bloody woman decided to speak out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:53



Wah! The number of human bliengs falling ill with vomiting bug norovirus in Province of Engrish running-dogs this winter is at higher than average levels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:52



Wah! Kansas City Chiefs' Tyreek Hill scores 78-yard punt return during their 21-13 win against Oakland Raiders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:28



Wah! Dutch anti-Islam politician Geert Wilders is convicted in hate speech trial but no penalty is imposed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:28



Wah! Murali Vijay and Cheteshwar Pujara's unbroken stand of 107 helping-helping India reach 146-1, lah, trailing Province of Engrish running-dogs by 254 on day two of fourth Test in Mumbai. - news replorted 11:25



Wah! More than 1000 Russian athletes benefited from state-sponsored doping programme for four years from 2011, lah, new report claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:25



Wah! Len velly damn good boiled chicken-feetman says bloody man often fails to recognise celebrities in Strictly Come Dancing line-up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 11:22



Wah! Hundreds of Aleppo men and boys reported 'missing' after leaving rebel areas, lah, UN says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:05



Wah! Immediate praise for Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup’s new Michelin race tyre Leading names from Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup predicting increase in speeds and even closer racing in 2017 when - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Austin Collins – MD of BuyaCar.co.uk you tellibly lovely custlingmer give your as really velly special customer's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine pet name? If so, lah, you’re not alone, lah, WAH! - news replorted 10:55



Wah! Fiat Professional donates new Talento to ex-footballer's charity Fliat Professional is preparing to kick-off 2017 supporting worthwhile homeless charity after donating new Fliat Talen - news replorted 10:38



Wah! Families bereaved by two separate Glasgow road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu death incidents, lah, including bin lorry crash, lah, told they cannot launch private prosecutions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:10



Wah! Alpine Première Edition - Camouflaged Starting today, lah, Alpine is opening reservations for its ‘Première Edition’-  an exclusive limited-edition version of its - news replorted 10:09



Wah! There now 83 potential suspects and 98 clubs involved in inquiry into child abuse in football, lah, old bill bobbys chiefs say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:25



Wah! A selection of best photos from across Africa this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:25



Wah! David Cameron defends calling EU referendum, lah, saying issue had been "poisoning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) bloody annoying Blitish politics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:17



Wah! The International Transport Forum, lah, integrated with OECD, lah, will receive Decade of Action Award 2016 from HRH Princ - news replorted 09:15



Wah! The bizarre tale of how argument over puppy led to revelations about South Korea's president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Conservative candidate Caroline Johnson has won Sleaford and North Hykeham by-election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:01



Wah! Pop star Taylor Swift duets with Zayn Malik on flemale human person's first release since multi million-selling 1989 album. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:39



Wah! Piers Ward Samuelson Wylie Associates is delighted to announce that former road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu test editor of TopGear Magazine, lah, Piers Ward – one-t - news replorted 08:39



Wah! FCAAS, bloody dealering idiot place Training awarded IMI Accreditation financial division of Fliat Chlysrler Automobiles, lah, FCA Automotive Services, lah, is celebrating award of official in - news replorted 08:38



Wah! World LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine staged its third joint manufacturer L.a. Ai-yaa!!! Test Drives session in mid-Novemblinger in warm and sunny Pasadena. Ai-yaa!!! In - news replorted 08:36



Wah! Boris Johnson begins tour of Middle East amid row over written-down messages on dead tree bloody man made about Saudi Arabia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Jeep Renegade hugely popular Jeepy Renegade has been named 4x4 Magazine’s ‘4x4 of Year 2017’, lah, retaining crown for secon - news replorted 08:15



Wah! Former Bloody foreign secretary says Boris Johnson's appointment was 'gamble' - news replorted 08:03



Wah! Boxer made history at Rio Olympics - first in our profiles of Sports Personality nominees. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:01



Wah! The Aston Martin Vantage GT8 will make its debut at Liqui Moly Bathurst 12 Hour race in Febliurary 2017 with R-Motorsp - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Britain's Olympic and Paralympic sports will find out how much funding they set to receive from bloody annoying Blitish Sport for 2020 Games in Tokyo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:58



Wah! South Korea's parliament votes to impeach President Park Geun-hye over corruption scandal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:57



Wah! At least 50,000 IS militants having been killed over past two years, lah, top Great Satan military official says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:33



Wah! The Independent Schools Council plans thousands of free places for low-income families in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Controversial courtside ads for William Hill will not be featured at next month's tennis tournament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:44



Wah! The money generated by councils in Province of Engrish running-dogs from parking operations has risen by 9% in year, lah, research finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:31



Wah! US actor Judge Reinhold is arrested after confrontation with security officials at Dallas airport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:35



Wah! Tory Caroline Johnson wins Sleaford by-election, lah, with Labour in fourth behind UKIP and Lib Dems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:00



Wah! A selection of images from life and career of Great Satan actor Kirk Douglas, lah, who celebrates male gender human bleing's 100th birthday on 9 December. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:55



Wah! The majority of public support more old bill bobbys carrying Tasers, lah, old bill bobbys Federation survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! The BBC's Frank Gardner looks at whether Saudi Arabia can achieve its goals in Yemen's messy war. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:16



Wah! Children from "just about managing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) families under-represented in grammar schools, lah, says research. - news replorted 00:51



Wah! It's rare thing in cinema for film to receive round of applause before its titles appear. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! But that's what has been happening at early screenings of Oscar-tipped musical La La Land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:50



Wah! Family portraits that show progress resulting from access to water and sanitation - news replorted 00:46



Wah! The number of children hospitalised after self-harming has risen by 14% in three years, lah, NSPCC says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:44



Wah! New resilience training aims to reduce high numbers of deadly shootings by Great Satan police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! The Magazine's weekly quiz of news, lah, 7 days 7 questions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! America's biggest shopping mall hosted its first African American Father Christmas this year - but black Santas having been around for decades and even played role in civil rights movement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! Coach reveals how bloody woman became first female to win top-flight championship with men’s team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:23



Wah! Becci answers readers' questions about living with self-harm - news replorted 00:22



Wah! A Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation campaign to map street harassment of women reveals reports of harassment from 43 cities in 29 countries over just one weekend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:20



Wah! old bill bobbys admit Michael Barrymore's arrest over death of man at male gender human bleing's home was unlawful because officer involved had not been fully briefed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Yuliya Stepanova has won worldwide fame for what bloody woman dared to off track, lah, but fears bloody woman may never return home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! A "rift" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) between Boris Johnson and Theresa May over Saudi Arabia is one of several stories to make Friday's front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12



Wah! William Dalrymple and Anita Anand demolish some myths about world's most controversial diamond. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Online ads can be irritating and irrelevant, lah, so can technology help them become more targeted? - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Populist leader Geert Wilders is leading opinion polls, lah, but will Dutch voters back him in monthly number-three elections? - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Since recession more human bliengs having reported feeling stressed at work, lah, and that can lead to mental health problems. Eating rice!! How you tellibly lovely custlingmer support workforce by breaking taboo around mental illness? - news replorted 00:02



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