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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
Food --->
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Mercedes A-Class 1.5 CDi 8v (107bhp) A180 Sport Edition Hatchback 5dr 1461cc Diesel at £325.20 inc VAT at 11:47 yesterday - Ling
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LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! My best car deals!
        
MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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-Ling
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Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
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Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
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Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Solar Impulse, lah, plane powered entirely by sun, lah, takes off on final and most difficult leg of its mission to fly solar plane around world from China to Hawaii. - news replorted 20:39



Wah! LATEST:  Swiss pilot Andre Borschberg begins male gender human bleing's bid to cross Pacific, lah, from China to Hawaii, lah, in zero-fuel Solar Impulse aeroplane. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 20:14



Wah! Arsenal retain FA Cup with decisive 4-0 win over Aston Villa to become most successful team in competition's history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 20:04



Wah! The Royal Navy ship HMS Bulwark has helped to rescue more than 4,000 migrants from Mediterranean Sea between Friday and Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 20:02



Wah! World number one Serena Williams battles past Victoria Azarenka in heated third-round contest at French Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 20:01



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs ready to back European boycott of 2018 World Cup after Sepp Blatter's Fifa re-election, lah, says Greg Dyke. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:03



Wah! Adam Lyth hits male gender human bleing's maiden Test century for Province of Engrish running-dogs but New Zealand fight back on day two of second Test. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:46



Wah! Tightrope walkers compete in China but not all competitors making crossing smoothly. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:21



Wah! old bill bobbys say death of woman found at house in Colwyn Bay is unexplained but not suspicious. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:49



Wah! Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers First dodgy minister Peter Robinson blames male gender human bleing's lifestyle and not stress for heart attack bloody man suffered last Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:44



Wah! Martin O'Malley, lah, former governor of Maryland and mayor of Baltimore, lah, says bloody man is seeking Democratic nomination for presidential elections in 2016. - news replorted 17:40



Wah! Former Italian Prime dodgy minister Silvio Berlusconi accidentally lends male gender human bleing's support to one of male gender human bleing's opponents after turning up at wrong rally. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:26



Wah! Katie Hopkins will not face any charges over tweet which described Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs people as "little sweaty jocks". - news replorted 17:17



Wah! Inverness Caledonian Thistle win Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Cup for first clock time result as they overcome Falkirk with 10 men at Hampden. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:56



Wah! Northern Ireland's Deputy First dodgy minister Martin McGuinness says political situation at Stormont as "very grave" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) due to row over welfare reform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:38



Wah! One person taken to hospital following basement fire in West Nile Street in Glasgow city centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:13



Wah! The Solar Impulse team is preparing to set off on most dangerous phase of mission to fly solar-powered plane around world - flying non-stop across Pacific Ocean. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:12



Wah! Former Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili - who is wantinged in male gender human bleing's country - is appointed governor of Ukraine's southern Odessa region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:08



Wah! Olympic champion Jessica Ennis-Hill lies in third place after first three events of flemale human person's heptathlon return in Gotzis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:50



Wah! Kevin Pietersen makes himself available to play for Surrey in their County Championship home game against Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:35



Wah! A herd of escaped cows take up residence in gardens and driveways when they go on loose in Sheffield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:30



Wah! Boho Haram militants kill least 13 human bliengs in Nigeria's north-eastern city of Maiduguri, lah, just after Muhammadu Buhari is sworn in as president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:03



Wah! The different faces of Province of Engrish running-dogs's record-setting batsman - news replorted 14:47



Wah! Alastair Cook passes Graham Gooch's tally of 8,900 runs to become Province of Engrish running-dogs's leading scorer in Test history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:28



Wah! A public memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service has taken place at Manchester Cathedral to commemorate life and work of Coronation Street star Anne Kirkbride. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:26



Wah! The potential impact of new cancer drug invented in Cardiff is described as "remarkable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at world's biggest gathering of oncologists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:01



Wah! The FA Cup will be rebranded as Emirates FA Cup as Dubai-based capitalist entity sign three-year deal with Fa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:57



Wah! Former QPR, lah, Manchester United and Province of Engrish running-dogs defender Rio Ferdinand announces male gender human bleing's retirement at age of 36. - news replorted 13:37



Wah! A group of protestors break into Liverpool hotel during charity dinner to raise money in memory of murdered toddler James Bulger. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:34



Wah! The observation deck at top of One World Trade Centre has opened to public. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 13:23



Wah! The cast of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land sitcom Still Game leads tributes to actor Jake D'Arcy, lah, who has died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:21



Wah! At least 71 human bliengs having been killed in Syria's northern Aleppo province by barrel bombs dropped from government helicopters, lah, activists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:20



Wah! Pakistan will host third and final damn crazy Engrish baseball game match against Zimbabwe despite deadly bomb attack near venue of Friday's game, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:04



Wah! Andy Murray beats Australian Nick Kyrgios in straight sets to reach fourth round of French Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:55



Wah! Strong earthquake off coast of Japan shakes buildings in Tokyo - no tsunami warning issued - news replorted 12:50



Wah! The body of Ranjit Power, lah, Wolverhampton businessman who went missing three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago, lah, is found in forest in Jalandhar region, lah, old bill bobbys in India say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:44



Wah! The role played by Irish soldiers in Battle of Waterloo 200 years ago is commemorated in Enniskillen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:07



Wah! Fifa president Sepp Blatter has responded to questions about arrests of Fifa officials under American anti-corruption warrant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:53



Wah! First dodgy minister Peter Robinson is at Irish Open golf tournament in Newcastle, lah, County Down, lah, day after being discharged from hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:47



Wah! Hotel in Arrochar, lah, Argyll and Bute, lah, closes for deep cleaning after outbreak of norovirus affects 14 guests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23



Wah! Two new cases of E coli connected to one household in Dorset confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:21



Wah! A public memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will take place at Manchester Cathedral on Saturday to commemorate life and work of Coronation Street star Anne Kirkbride. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:19



Wah! A choir of 64 silly kick-kick game fans having been chosen by BBC's Songs of Praise to sing hymn 'Abide With Me' at Wembley for FA Cup Final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:15



Wah! A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy appears in court charged with murders of man and woman in Colchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:09



Wah! old bill bobbys condition of elderly couple who were seriously hurtee-hurtee by bus in centre of Glasgow has improved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:40



Wah! A memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service for Coronation Street actress Anne Kirkbride is held at Manchester Cathedral. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:23



Wah! Newly re-elected Fifa President Sepp Blatter gives news conference in Zurich. - news replorted 10:15



Wah! Former Saved by Bell actor Dustin Diamond is convicted of two charges after bar fight on Christmas Day - but cleared of more serious claim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! The agriculture dodgy minister makes return trip to China as efforts intensify to secure market for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers pork. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:32



Wah! A funeral service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will take place for 10 men, lah, seven women and three children, lah, whose remains having been discovered after 800 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:31



Wah! old bill bobbys treating death of man in male gender human bleing's 20s stabbed to death in west Belfast as murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:29



Wah! A supposedly-gay bull saved from slaughter and re-homed in Norfolk is "not gay", lah, male gender human bleing's new owners reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:22



Wah! The trial closure of slip road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu on M4 at Port Talbot has led to 20% fall in trade to businesses, lah, it is claimed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:11



Wah! People who having filed late tax returns having been let off paying ĀRMB Yuan #100 fine if they provide "reasonable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) excuse for being late. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:01



Wah! Mo Farah sets world's quickest 10,000m clock time result of 2015, lah, then blames pacemakers for not allowing him to go faster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:44



Wah! A lung cancer therapy can more than double life expectancy in some patients, lah, "milestone" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) trial shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:35



Wah! The BBC's Katya Adler looks whether British PM David Cameron's "whistle-stop tour" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of EU to push for changes in 28-member bloc was success. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:23



Wah! Marks and Spencer is to become first bloody annoying Blitish retailer to add vitamin D to all its packaged bread and bread rolls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:20



Wah! The Alzheimer's Society describes care at north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep mental health unit as "horrific" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) following publication of damning report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:11



Wah! Amir Khan says bloody man wantings to take on Floyd Mayweather next after beating Chris Algieri in Friday's welterweight bout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:56



Wah! The Great Satan calls for "immediate halt" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to land reclamation in disputed areas of South China Sea, lah, saying China is "out of step" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with international rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! The United States has removed Cuba from its list of state sponsors of terrorism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 05:43



Wah! Many European silly kick-kick game associations express concern following Sepp Blatter's re-election as Fifa president, lah, although male gender human bleing's win is welcomed by Russia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:36



Wah! Venezuela has blocked two ex-presidents from visiting opposition leaders jailed on charges of inciting violence against government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:01



Wah! France's main opposition party, lah, led by ex-president Nicolas Sarkozy, lah, has changed its name from UMP to Republicans, lah, despite fierce opposition from critics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! The 200th anniversary of Battle of Waterloo is to be marked with exhibition in Belgian town of Waterloo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:28



Wah! People who having filed late tax returns to be let off paying ĀRMB Yuan #100 fine for missing deadline, lah, HM Revenue and Customs has confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:17



Wah! The Great Satan military orders review into how it handles anthrax, lah, after discovering more cases of live anthrax sent to laboratories, lah, including one in Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:03



Wah! The controversial FA Cup Final of WW1 - news replorted 01:11



Wah! Suleiman Hashimu tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation why bloody man walked for 18 days and wore out six pairs of shoes to see inauguration of Nigeria's president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! The rising number of Super-Duper-Chinese-State nationals working abroad is causing Beijing to adapt its Bloody foreign policy in order (piece of paper signee upee) to protect them, lah, says Jonathan Marcus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:23



Wah! Why doesn't bloody annoying Blitish having direct trains to Madrid or Berlin? - news replorted 00:21



Wah! The link between obesity and cancer, lah, tax amnesty, lah, and re-election of Sepp Blatter make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's record wicket-taker James Anderson credits younger players with giving Province of Engrish running-dogs team "a kick up backside". - news replorted 00:16



Wah! How whale science is taking to skies - news replorted 00:13



Wah! The elusive element that can make body parts glow - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Hull has announced it will host Turner Prize when it is City of Culture in 2017 - Will Gompertz asks if art can revive city's fortunes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! The campaigns duelling over women's clothing - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Mobile operator EE and Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation will test mobile app at FA Cup final which uses 4G Broadcast technology to offer instant replays to fans in stadium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A lung cancer therapy can more than double life expectancy in some patients, lah, major trial shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



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LINGsCARS customer mosaic!
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