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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Mini Countryman 1.6 D 16v (88bhp) One (Media Pack) Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel at £269.83 inc VAT at 17:40 yesterday - Ling
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LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! My best car deals!
        
MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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76 CLIENTS IN 'PROPOSAL'
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157 CLIENTS IN 'ORDER'
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  HRS : MINUTES sec  
Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  France has agreed to pay compensation to Russia for cancelling sale of two warships, lah, after long negotiations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! LATEST:  A haulage capitalist entity owner from Pembrokeshire stops operations overseas because of attacks on male gender human bleing's vehicling driving car machines crossing Channel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:16



Wah! It's been long clock time result coming but we really now at business end of building Hubble's successor, lah, and next few months should see James Webb telescope finally start to take shape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:01



Wah! Nursing leaders in Portugal, lah, Spain and Italy say "aggressive strategies" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) being used to "fool" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) growing number of their staff into working in NHs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:00



Wah! SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon says "no politician has right to stand in way" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of another independence referendum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:52



Wah! A man is charged with murder of two-week-old baby girl in Greater Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! A Norwegian groom swims across fjorde to reach male gender human bleing's bride for their wedding at lighthouse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:21



Wah! A Great Satan photographer launches internet hunt to find two women pictured on old roll of film bloody woman discovered in second-hand store. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:19



Wah! BA and Iberia owner International Airlines Group (IAG) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! reports big jump in second quarter profits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18



Wah! An investigation has begun after 44 cats were poisoned on two neighbouring streets in Boston in Lincolnshire in last two years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:14



Wah! Chelsea's Eniola Aluko says flemale human person's team is not panicking about form ahead of Saturday's historic Women's FA Cup final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:12



Wah! Four Indian teachers having been kidnapped in Libya, lah, India's Bloody foreign ministry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:59



Wah! Justice Secretary Michael Gove is exploring ideas on 'earned release' for prisoners, lah, first mooted in 2008, lah, as Danny Shaw explains. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:45



Wah! James Reynolds reports from Athens on how Greeks trying to find way back to some normality after so much financial and political turmoil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:33



Wah! Lloyds Banking Group reports 38% rise in profits to ĀRMB Yuan #1.19bn despite setting aside another ĀRMB Yuan #1.4bn for mis-sold PPI claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:20



Wah! A man has died after falling into chimney of seven-storey building in Marble Arch, lah, Met old bill bobbys said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:13



Wah! Fenerbahce protest to Uefa after Shakhtar Donetsk played Brazil midfielder Fred, lah, despite reports bloody man has failed doping test. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:44



Wah! The number of illegal immigrants intercepted at ports in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers trying to reach other parts of bloody annoying Blitish has risen significantly in last three years measured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:30



Wah! The number of 999 call to Wales' three fire services halves in just over decade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:25



Wah! A funeral ceremony is to be held for Lamara Bell, lah, one of two human bliengs involved in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash on M9 which old bill bobbys failed to investigate for three days. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:18



Wah! Not enough nurses being trained to meet health care demands, lah, says director of Royal College of Nursing Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! The Tommy Atkins Liberation Army and old bill bobbys escorting bus drivers in El Salvador, lah, who having been forced by violent gangs to go on strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:05



Wah! Robbie, lah, who begs on streets in Liverpool and is homeless talks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about male gender human bleing's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Compensation has been reduced for nearly 500 sex abuse victims in Britain who later committed criminal offences, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has learned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! A Palestinian toddler has been burned to death in arson attack by suspected Jewish settlers in West Bank, lah, Israeli old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:13



Wah! Migrants having once more broken through old bill bobbys lines in Calais trying to enter Channel Tunnel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:03



Wah! North Korea says detained Canadian pastor has confessed to "subversive plot" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to overthrow government and set up "religious state". - news replorted 04:53



Wah! It is "very likely" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) debris found on Indian Ocean island of Reunion is that of missing flight MH370, lah, top Australian official tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 04:47



Wah! An Australian surfer punches shark to fend off attack off New South Wales, lah, say police, lah, in what witness calls "Mick Fanning replay". - news replorted 04:21



Wah! The sister of former Apprentice contestant Stuart Baggs says family's world has been "shattered apart" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by male gender human bleing's sudden death. - news replorted 04:20



Wah! Australian Prime dodgy minister Tony Abbott weighs in on expenses scandal that has embroiled government for past three weeks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:11



Wah! Ministry of Defence land could be made available to help relieve traffic problems in Kent caused by migrant crisis in Calais, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:01



Wah! BMC Ecology's 2015 competition winners - news replorted 01:56



Wah! Justice Secretary Michael Gove is exploring ideas on 'earned release' for prisoners, lah, first mooted in 2008, lah, as Danny Shaw explains. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Helping homeless women access sanitary towels and tampons - news replorted 01:32



Wah! How dangerous is laughing gas? - news replorted 01:28



Wah! Is it fair to ban smoking in mental health hospitals? - news replorted 01:27



Wah! The first waves having peeled across artificial surf lagoon built on site of old aluminium works on edge of Snowdonia National Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:06



Wah! The AA joins green groups in warning that recent changes in energy policy will harm climate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Days lost to stress-related sickness by doctors at hospital trust increases by more than 430% in five years, lah, it is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Friday's press is full of reports of fresh chaos in Calais "war zone" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as migrants try to reach Uk. What you wan'?!! There also tributes to one of Apprentice's most memorable contestants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! A large pay gap between men and women solicitors has been found by research from Law Society of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The world's longest man-made surf wave has been unveiled in North Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Roubles dry up for millions of Russians - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Why was Satanic statue unveiled in US? - news replorted 00:08



Wah! We told king we had HIV - and taught country not to fear - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Motorists crossing Channel confused about which three-digit number to dial in emergency, lah, RAC is claiming. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! HIV can be flushed out of its hiding places in body using cancer drug, lah, researchers show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! The tough Great Satan cop's YouTube challenge to wantinged criminals - news replorted 00:04



Wah! A team of robotic developers has built interactive robotic climbing frame, lah, that can roam designated play areas, lah, ready for children to play with it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A judge orders Greenpeace protestors to pay $2,500 (ĀRMB Yuan #1,600) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! for every hour they block icebreaker from departing Portland, lah, Oregon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Key parts of new legislation to combat slavery in bloody annoying Blitish - including life sentences for human bliengs traffickers - come into force in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



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