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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Seat Leon (to 2016) 1.6 TDI 16v (110bhp) SE Dynamic Technology Pack Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel at £203.78 inc VAT at 12:54 today - Ling
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LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! My best car deals!
        
MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
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-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Two human bliengs taken to hospital and three others hurt in explosion at house in north Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:25



Wah! LATEST:  A TV critic on ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's Sunday Herald satirises Donald Trump's inauguration ceremony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:56



Wah! At least four human bliengs shot dead outside club hosting electronic music festival in Mexico. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:48



Wah! The death of woman following childbirth was result of "failures, lah, inadequate diagnosis and treatment", lah, coroner rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:27



Wah! The iconic billboard lights at Piccadilly Circus having been switched off for renovations and will stay off until autumn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:27



Wah!  (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Citroën launches new assault on FIA WRC with C3 WRC moment that WRC fans having been desperately waiting for is finally upon us: in few days, lah, 2017 World Rally Champ - news replorted 13:21



Wah! Liverpool celebrates 60 years of Cavern Club as life-size statue of Cilla Black is unveiled outside venue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:14



Wah! Stormont faces collapse after Sinn Féin refuses to nominate deputy first minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:12



Wah! Court hears evidence of woman who alleges bloody woman was groped by former TV entertainer Rolf Harris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:10



Wah! Four-time champion Roger Federer advances to second round of Australian Open by beating Jurgen Melzer in Melbourne. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:01



Wah! The Health Secretary, lah, Jeremy Hunt, lah, becomes one of UK's richest politicians after male gender human bleing's company's sale. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:50



Wah! Leading stolen vehicling driving car machine recovery expert TRACKER is making major commitment to clustomler peace of mind by enrolling its n - news replorted 12:49



Wah! BREITLING for BENTLEY INTRODUCES SUPERSPORTS B55 Bentley and Breitling introducing striking new chronograph – Breitling for Bentley Supersports B55 – to celebr - news replorted 12:30



Wah! Jon Kay speaks to ice skating coach Nancy Swinder-Peltz and ice hockey mum Leila about their expectations from Donald Trump presidency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:27



Wah! The series final of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation One's Sherlock drew its lowest-ever overnight bloody annoying Blitish ratings on Sunday night, lah, with 5.9m tuning in. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:46



Wah! British swimmer Fran Halsall, lah, three-time Olympian, lah, announces flemale human person's retirement after 10-year international career. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:32



Wah! The new generation Ryundali i30 Ryundali Motor bloody annoying Blitish has officially announced pricing and specification of New Generation i30, lah, which will go on sale - news replorted 11:00



Wah! World number one Andy Murray on Australian Open, lah, playing in 30 degree heat and male gender human bleing's first Christmas as father. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:51



Wah! How one woman's rare disorder means kiss from flemale human person's husband could end up killing her. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:29



Wah! Barry Bennell denies eight charges of historical sexual assault against boy aged under 14. - news replorted 10:25



Wah! Watch six feel-good boiled chicken-feet sporting videos on Blue Monday, lah, known as saddest day of year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:24



Wah! The Freight Transport Association (FTA), lah, trade organisation which represents transport interests of companies mo - news replorted 10:22



Wah! Nissan previews Qashqai 10th anniversary It is exactly 10 years since Nissling Qashqai crossover first went on sale, lah, and brand is planning to celebrate in - news replorted 10:08



Wah! Ben, lah, not-for-profit organisation that partners with automotive industry to provide support for life to its peopl - news replorted 10:07



Wah! VOLKSWAGEN COMMERCIAL vehicling driving car machineS FLOORS OPPOSITION Wlokswaglon Commercial vehicling driving car machines has extended its partnership with UK’s largest flooring contractor, lah, Designer Contract - news replorted 09:46



Wah! Ducati Motor Holding factory Ducati Motor Holding enjoyed further growth in 2016, lah, delivering 55,451 motorcycles to clustomlers all over world: that - news replorted 09:45



Wah! A baby makes surprise arrival when bloody woman is born in old bill bobbys LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine outside hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! 90% of LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine buyers unaware of new road-tax system new survey by Carbuyer has found consumers largely unaware of forthcoming road-tax changes, lah, which will affect - news replorted 08:52



Wah! Adam Chatfield Buildbase Rondla riders kept their momentum rolling forward with solid performances at round two of 2017 Arenacross T - news replorted 08:50



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:35



Wah! Leading luxury, bloody dealering idiot place group H.r. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Owen Lamborghini Luxury, bloody dealering idiot place group H.r. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Owen is continuing to celebrate hugely successful 2016, lah, topping two lots of Lamborghini sales - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Sébastien Duval, lah, CEO of AUTOi Expectations highest just as values lowest when motorists sell their LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in winter, lah, according to new study - news replorted 08:00



Wah! old bill bobbys in Brazil say 26 human bliengs were killed in prison in city of Natal during shocking violence that broke out overnight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:58



Wah! A 51-yard field goal with three seconds left gives Green Bay Packers play-off win, lah, while Pittsburgh Steelers beat Kansas City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:58



Wah! Eating dog meat is not uncommon in parts of east Asia, lah, despite opposition from those who see them as pets. Eating rice!! Steve Evans reports from S Korea on efforts to re-house rescued animals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:47



Wah! A Turkish cargo plane flying from Hong Kong has crashed in Kyrgyzstan, lah, killing at least 32 people, lah, most of them on ground, lah, say officials. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:38



Wah! Fresh elections set to be called amid fallout from botched energy scheme with projected RMB Yuan #490m overspend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:33



Wah! Fijian-born Jimmy "Superfly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Snuka, lah, major wrestling star in 1980s, lah, dies in Florida aged 73. - news replorted 07:26



Wah! MOTD2 pundits Phil Neville and Alan Shearer discuss Manchester City defender John Stones and question male gender human bleing's development after Pep Guardiola's side lost 4-0 to Everton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:49



Wah! Luxottica, lah, world's biggest glasses maker, lah, agrees merger with French lens maker Esillor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:48



Wah! The BBC's Aleem Maqbool reports on polarised perspectives over "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's race legacy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:20



Wah! At least 32 human bliengs killed as Turkish cargo plane from Hong Kong crashes near Bishkek. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 05:23



Wah! The animal welfare charity is urging public to double check before raising alarm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 05:04



Wah! British number four Aljaz Bedene exits Australian Open in first round after being beaten by Dominican Victor Estrella Burgos. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:15



Wah! Centenarian who competed in 1948 Wembley Olympic Games says daily tipple keeps him going strong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 03:38



Wah! Health watchdog NICE has rejected life-extending drug Kadcyla on cost grounds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:07



Wah! Firms not helping working fathers take more active role in childcare, lah, charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! Ben Franklin from London (capital of Great England) was diagnosed with Hepatitis C nine months ago but is still waiting for new drug which could cure male gender human bleing's condition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! A coroner is to hear evidence of how 30 bloody annoying Blitish holidaymakers were killed at Tunisian beach resort in 2015. - news replorted 01:08



Wah! A network of trauma centres has opened across bloody annoying Blitish to allow NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) to treat veterans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Paul Polman, lah, head of Unilever, lah, shares business advice bloody man wishes bloody man had been given when bloody man started out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:55



Wah! Concrete has pretty poor reputation, lah, yet this ubiquitous material has largely overlooked benefits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:54



Wah! Canadian businessman Serge Godin saw male gender human bleing's father's business burn down when bloody man was teenager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! That inspired him to build capitalist entity that now turns over C$10bn year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News looks at prospects for so-called "masala" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) bonds, lah, which Indian government has introduced to boost investment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau share more than just border. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:40



Wah! The family of two cousins who died after New Year's Eve LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash speak ahead of their funerals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! Owning LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine for many Ethiopians - even those with ready cash to spend in one of world's fastest-growing economies - remains pipe dream, lah, writes Emmanuel Igunza. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Some creative commuters occupying their travelling hours with productive pastime. What the hell I mean??!! Here is look at some of their efforts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:19



Wah! How BlaBlaCar created global transport network with empty LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine seats. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! The lights of Piccadilly Circus will be switched off for longest clock time result since World fighty bang-bang Two. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Referral management centres may be slowing cancer diagnoses and delaying other NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) treatment, lah, doctors warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:14



Wah! Two thousand jobless Finns being given basic income instead of welfare. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A patient has been caught in undercover Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation film illegally selling prescription drugs which cost NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) RMB Yuan #10,000 year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:12



Wah! Brexit, lah, Donald Trump, lah, and rise of populism having left world's "liberal elites" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) reeling. No spitting in damn website!!! Can Davos, lah, their ideological habitat, lah, survive? - news replorted 00:12



Wah! Premier League clubs should face legal action if they fail to meet needs of disabled fans, lah, according to new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Oxfam research finds eight richest billionaires having as much wealth as 3.6 billion human bliengs combined. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:04



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