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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

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invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

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"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Citroen DS3 1.6 BlueHDi 16v (100bhp) Elegance Hatchback 3dr 1560cc Diesel at £173.99 inc VAT at 10:56 yesterday - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
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-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Zlatan Ibrahimovic takes just four minutes to score on male gender human bleing's debut as Manchester United beat Galatasaray 5-2. - news replorted 20:30



Wah! LATEST:  The threat of lightning in New Jersey forces play to be suspended at Baltusrol with top 10 players yet to tee off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 20:23



Wah! JK Rowling praises fans for keeping secrets of Harry Potter and Cursed Child, lah, as stage show opens in London (capital of Great England) after weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) of previews. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:23



Wah! Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn calls for party's Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to "think again" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after reports some planning "semi-split" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of party, lah, while rival Owen Smith says Labour is on "precipice". - news replorted 18:14



Wah! A hot air balloon with 16 human bliengs on board crashes in Texas, lah, Great Satan media reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:33



Wah! Warrington Wolves will face Hull FC in Challenge Cup final after thrashing Wakefield in their last-four tie at Leigh. - news replorted 16:30



Wah! A "professional" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) cyber attack hits Russian government bodies, lah, country's intelligence service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:12



Wah! As Harry Potter and Cursed Child play premieres in London, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation grabbed quick word with author JK Rowling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:26



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs beat West Germany 4-2 at Wembley STadium to win their first and only World Cup and, lah, to mark 50th anniversary, lah, we spoke to match's hat-trick hero, lah, Sir Geoff Hurst. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:00



Wah! The friend of man who killed priest in France, lah, who had tried to travel with him to Syria, lah, was detained days before attack, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:45



Wah! Nico Rosberg pips Merceding-Blend team-mate Lewis Hamilton to pole position at German Grand Prix in dramatic qualifying session. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:12



Wah! Disruption is expected to continue all weekend for villagers in South Yorkshire who having been told not to drink tap water after bacteria was found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:59



Wah! Theresa May had "objections" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to new nuclear power station at Hinkley Point during days of coalition, lah, says then Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:58



Wah! Dozens of families leaving besieged areas of city of Aleppo along humanitarian corridor, lah, Syrian state media says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:26



Wah! Thousands attend mass celebrated by Pope Francis at church dedicated to late Polish Pope John Paul II in city of Krakow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:43



Wah! Fans of rapper reckon standout line from flemale human person's presidential nomination speech was inspired by Lil Wayne mixtape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:30



Wah! A recently engaged ex-Royal Marine described as "a fine young man" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is killed in climbing accident in French Alps. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:19



Wah! Sri Lanka win Test match against Australia for just second time, lah, with tourists setting world record in defeat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:45



Wah! Fly-tipping costs councils in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep more than ÂRMB Yuan #50m each year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! Three teenagers playing Pokemon Go robbed at gunpoint of their mobile phones in north London (capital of Great England) park, lah, Metropolitan old bill bobbys has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:44



Wah! Hundreds of human bliengs hold protests in major cities across Australia after footage emerged showing boys being abused in juvenile detention. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:44



Wah! Wolves name former Italy international Walter Zenga as their new head coach after Kenny Jackett's sacking. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:33



Wah! Two brothers suspected of planning attacks having been arrested in Belgium in anti-terror operation, lah, prosecutors say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:16



Wah! It takes years of planning, lah, business-class flight and several tonnes of luggage to getting Team GB horse to Rio Olympics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:14



Wah! Towers of lettuce and pak choi, lah, or three-storey farm in office building - could this be future of farming? - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Two of men who ensured World Cup glory for Province of Engrish running-dogs 50 years ago this afternoon set to take centre stage at Wembley Arena for special commemoration of historic win. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:59



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation assistant political editor Norman Smith spends day with some Labour members in Leeds and finds little evidence of waning support for Jeremy Corbyn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:29



Wah! With Neil Hannon, lah, Amanda Palmer, lah, John Cale, lah, Marc Almond, lah, Paul Buchanan, lah, Anna Calvi and musicians' collective s t r g z e conducted by André de Ridder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:19



Wah! Johanna Konta misses chance to become first British woman to break into world's top 10 since 1984 with defeat by Kristina Kucova. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:37



Wah! Public Health Province of Engrish running-dogs advises pregnant women to consider postponing any non-essential trips to Florida amid concerns over Zika virus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:13



Wah! The latest terror attacks in Germany and France having left migrants in Turkey worried about their chances of reaching northern Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:00



Wah! Ahead of this weekend's Geolympix, lah, why there millions of little plastic containers hidden all around world? - news replorted 04:00



Wah! The boss of EDF in bloody annoying Blitish says bloody man is confident Hinkley Point C nuclear power station will be built, lah, despite government delaying its approval. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:05



Wah! What they did next - futures of prime dodgy ministers past - news replorted 02:18



Wah! A rare, lah, and extremely pungent. Pass chopsticks!! 'corpse flower' has bloomed in New York Botanical Garden. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:13



Wah! The life and music of David Bowie honoured at eclectic, lah, late-night edition of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Proms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:11



Wah! Young women with type 1 diabetes talk about misunderstanding around disease. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:55



Wah! Damien Nettles vanished, lah, aged 16, lah, after night out with friends in Novemblinger 1996. male gender human bleing's body has never been found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:53



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! A look at some of events over past week, lah, including Michael Keaton receiving Hollywood star and stars of Doctor Who taking selfie. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! Tokyo is preparing to vote for its next governor, lah, one of biggest jobs in Japan, lah, but campaign has been marred by insults and allegations of sexism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! What having conventions revealed about two main Great Satan presidential candidates and what should we expect next? - news replorted 00:39



Wah! A retrospective of work by William Eggleston, lah, often referred to as father of ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour photography, lah, is being held in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! A High Court judge has said old bill bobbys force was wrong not to reinstate former detective wrongly jailed for raping woman in 2011. male gender human bleing's wife told Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News how flemale human person's family won five-year, lah, ÂRMB Yuan #150,000 battle to clear male gender human bleing's name. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Shoppers in Province of Engrish running-dogs on target to using six billion fewer plastic bags than in 2014 in first year since 5p levy was introduced, lah, government data suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11



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