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Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

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invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

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"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Renault Kadjar 1.2 TCE (130bhp) Dynamique S Nav Hatchback 5dr 1197cc Petrol at £232.32 inc VAT at 18:18 yesterday - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Nato is ready to patrol Aegean Sea to deter people-smugglers taking migrants from Turkey to Greece, lah, Great Satan Defence Secretary Ashton Carter says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:28



Wah! LATEST:  London's top shares fall nearly 3%, lah, while other European markets see even bigger falls, lah, amid anxiety about health of global economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:26



Wah! A couple who were separated following Second World fighty bang-bang having been reunited after more than 70 years apart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:24



Wah! Some 42% of parents of children diagnosed with cancer feel their concerns were ignored by GPs, lah, research by cancer charity CLIC Sargent suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:04



Wah! Ministers expected to impose contract on junior doctors in Province of Engrish running-dogs after British Medical Association rejected final "take-it-or-leave-it" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) offer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:38



Wah! Tech giant Google says it will hide content removed under "right to be forgotten" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from all versions of search engine when viewed from countries where removal was approved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! British Gas and EDF Energy announce they cutting their gas prices, lah, last of big six energy suppliers to so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! The draft internet monitoring bill has been criticised as "a dragnet approach" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "disproportionate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by former Deputy Prime dodgy minister Nick Clegg. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:15



Wah! Formula 1 commentator Eddie Jordan and German racing driver Sabine Schmitz to join new series of Top Gear. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Hyundai partners with Zipcar to bring i30 to LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine club fleet in London (capital of Great England) Ryundali Motor has introduced significant volume of Ryundali i30 models to Zipcar’s central London (capital of Great England) fleet. Pass chopsticks!! deal is th - news replorted 09:05



Wah! A blaze is reported at Tata Steel plant in Port Talbot, lah, Mid and West Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Fire service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:02



Wah! Visitor registration goes live for CV Show 2016 latest new vans from some of best-known names in Light Commercial vehicling driving car machine Industry set to be major dra - news replorted 09:01



Wah! A Great Satan push for immediate ceasefire in Syria runs into Russian opposition ahead of talks aimed at reviving stalled peace negotiations on conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:50



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government makes small step towards making online communication with public easier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:45



Wah! Comments by Facebook board member could put Mark Zuckerberg's global plans on back foot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Mercury stars in EDT case study for IMI film ITN production team visited Mercury LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Centre in Brentwood on Monday 8 Febliurary to shoot footage of EDT’s engine det - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Hong Kong shares join regional downward trend, lah, falling nearly 4%, lah, as trading resumes after Lunar New Year break. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:17



Wah! As prime dodgy minister enters this last week of negotiation before crunch EU summit in Brussels next week, lah, ministers' minds turning to what happens in aftermath, lah, not just of summit, lah, but referendum itself. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 08:13



Wah! The International Floord Show one-off auction featuring only classic Fords will take place at International Floord Show, lah, this year’s newest and mo - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Carol Keller, lah, Marketing & Communications Director, lah, BEN BEN, lah, automotive industry charity has recently appointed Carol Keller in newly created role as Marketing & Communic - news replorted 08:00



Wah! A young Australian boy with cystic fibrosis was given chance to save Sydney from super villain on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:42



Wah! Rio Tinto reports slump in net profits and keeps its dividend flat, lah, hit by fall in commodity prices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! Ampera-e battery electric car Opel Group will launch revolutionary new battery electric LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine next year, lah, as capitalist entity continues biggest, lah, most fa - news replorted 07:30



Wah! Honda's Boots in boots As first day of London (capital of Great England) Triathlon Show gets underway today, lah, main sponsor Rondla bloody annoying Blitish is further underlining its suit - news replorted 07:00



Wah! The Hollywood studio behind Great Satan film Dallas Buyers Club is no longer pursuing its piracy case against Australians accused of illegally downloading movie. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:55



Wah! old bill bobbys should change their approach to sex abuse allegations and pursue claim (always claiming, huh?) with "open mind" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) rather than follow current policy of presuming them to be true. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! The FBI moves in on last occupiers of wildlife reserve in Great Satan state of Oregon who protesting against federal control of local lands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! How Clement Attlee's decision in 1940s to arm Britain with nuclear weapons looms over party's debate on renewing Trident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! Why does treatment for pets cost so much? - news replorted 01:57



Wah! Why crew shortages cause one in 10 train delays? - news replorted 01:52



Wah! A 94-year former Nazi SS guard at Auschwitz death camp in Poland is to go on trial in Germany over murder of at least 170,000 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! Labour's local government spokesman acknowledges bloody man "made slip" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) when bloody man suggested Tunbridge Wells was in Surrey rather than Kent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:35



Wah! Foodies turning to this new type of pepper - news replorted 01:34



Wah! Fighting in Syria's Aleppo province has displaced about 50,000 human bliengs and humanitarian situation is deteriorating rapidly, lah, Red Cross says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:29



Wah! Russia is succeeding in Syria where West has failed, lah, by setting achievable goal and committing enough force to reach it, lah, as Jonathan Marcus reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:11



Wah! The Met old bill bobbys is increasingly concerned that so-called Islamic State’s foothold in Libya could become springboard for terrorist attacks on UK, lah, as Frank Gardner reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! Issues of mutual concern propelling leaders of Roman Catholic and Russian Orthodox Churches towards dialogue, lah, as Caroline Wyatt reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:09



Wah! The BBC's director general Tony Hall is "effectively accountable to no-one", lah, says new report by group of MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! London-based Glaswegian photographer Dougie Wallace spent four years documenting black-and-yellow Premier Padmini taxis that having been feature of Mumbai, lah, India's financial capital, lah, since 1960s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:07



Wah! More students from white working class backgrounds to be targeted in university recruitment controlling in driving manner - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Iran debates sexual harassment after newsreader puts recording online - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Sesame Street's Elmo explains why male gender human bleing's neighbourhood seems to having gone upmarket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! The Cultural Revolution and cult of mango - news replorted 01:00



Wah! Why UK's hopes for Europe not same as other countries', lah, asks Allan Little - news replorted 00:57



Wah! The way old bill bobbys deal with alleged sex offences comes under microscope, lah, while UK's relationship with Europe continues to make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! David Bowie's son Duncan Jones announces bloody man is to become father for first clock time result - revealing news one month after singer's death. - news replorted 00:35



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation talks to vendors in Mong Kok after clashes following operation to clear unlicensed street food stalls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! When Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor took part in student production in Oxford - news replorted 00:23



Wah! The system of 'bloody Engrish Votes for bloody Engrish Laws' is too complicated and may not last long due its lack of support, lah, committee of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Vice-chancellors at bloody annoying Blitish universities receive average salary packages of RMB Yuan #272,000 year, lah, University and College Union says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A new exhibition looks at how women of Royal Family dress in keeping with their royal duties and with current fashion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! The dance teacher with Down's Syndrome - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Most grocery shoppers unable to identify cheapest deals when faced with blizzard of "special offers" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in stores, lah, financial experts say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Surveyors witnessing surge of demand from buy-to-let investors which they expect to push up house prices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Spending year living monastic life - news replorted 00:09



Wah! BT says it will launch new service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service later this year to divert nuisance calls within its network before they ring on clustomlers' phones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! All criminals who plead guilty at earliest opportunity could having their sentences cut by third, lah, under new plans in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Google's agreement with UK's tax authorities has caused public furore, lah, but is tide finally turning for corporate tax avoiders? - news replorted 00:01



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