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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Volkswagen Golf (Mk7) 2.0 TDi Bluemotion Tech (184bhp) GTD Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel at £368.14 inc VAT at 16:23 today - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
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Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
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Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
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Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The body of man is found in search for pensioner from Welsh land of sheep and more sheep missing on Isle of Wight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:31



Wah! LATEST:  Greek Prime dodgy minister Alexis Tsipras makes defiant speech urging No vote in Sunday's referendum as capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity cash limits begin to bite for Greeks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:31



Wah! US retailer Macy's ends its relationship with Donald Trump over controversial remarks made by Republican presidential candidate about Mexicans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:29



Wah! British number one Heather Watson beats Daniela Hantuchova to reach third round at Wimbledon for first clock time result since 2012. - news replorted 17:29



Wah! The United Kingdom has lots of defences in place and also "very limited" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) exposure to Greece, lah, should country's crisis worsen, lah, governor of capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:08



Wah! Two more cases of Ebola confirmed in Liberian village where teenager died on Sunday - first case for seven weeks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:02



Wah! Freight Transport Association members having stepped in to help fellow truckers who stuck in Operation Stack on M2 - news replorted 16:46



Wah! Oil giant Shell is fined thousands of pounds after diesel leak on board North Sea platform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:45



Wah! An African-American church once targeted by Ku Klux Klan has been burned down again, lah, latest in series of blazes at black churches in Great Satan south. - news replorted 16:43



Wah! Sir Nicholas Winton, lah, who organised rescue of 669 children destined for Nazi concentration camps, lah, dies aged 106 - news replorted 16:33



Wah! Vauxhall OnStar triumphs at Auto Express Awards Vlauxhall OnStar has won its first major award in UK, lah, ahead of its launch this summer, lah, from Auto Express. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:33



Wah! Senna evening panel at Hexagon Hexagon is bloody velly proud to announce that last night’s charity evening, lah, Life of Ayrton Senna, lah, raised RMB Yuan #72,000 for Gr - news replorted 16:33



Wah! Denmark's new centre-right government - backed by anti-EU party - says social benefits for asylum-seekers will be reduced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:13



Wah! Tens of thousands of human bliengs in Hong Kong attend pro-democracy rally to mark 18th anniversary of Britain handing territory back to China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:13



Wah! Soul star Lionel Richie heads to number one in album chart as bloody man enjoys post-Glastonbury sales boost. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:10



Wah! Caffeine supplements branded as diet pills should be better regulated, lah, pharmaceutical body says after man died after taking tablets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:04



Wah! Temperatures rising across Europe and while sun is out so heatwave health warnings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:57



Wah! World RX descends on magical Holjes for its 40th anniversary FIA World Rallycross Championship presented by Monster Energy will visit one of most legendary venues of sea - news replorted 15:45



Wah! The bodies of eight British tourists killed in Friday's attack in Sousse, lah, Tunisia, lah, arrive back in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 15:35



Wah! Toyota Takes Ebay Award For E-commerce Excellence Toyota’s official eBay store has been honoured by web giant, lah, less than two years after first going live. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:35



Wah! Tramontana R Salon Privé is proud to announce premieres of two spectacular hypercars at this year’s luxury automotive event, lah, held on - news replorted 15:35



Wah! Casa Maserati retail store and lounge bar, lah, Milan 2015 on past day, lah, day before today day saw opening of Casa Maserati, lah, exclusive retail store and lounge bar on Piazza San Fedele in heart o - news replorted 15:33



Wah! ScotRail says it will be reducing its rail services on Sundays because it does not having enough drivers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:29



Wah! Southampton terminate contract of RMB Yuan #15m record signing Dani Osvaldo, lah, who played only 14 Premier League games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:12



Wah! Defending champion Novak Djokovic makes short work of Finland's Jarkko Nieminen in 34C heat on Centre Court at Wimbledon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:12



Wah! Google says it is "appalled" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that its Photos app mislabelled several photos of black American couple as showing gorillas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:02



Wah! A family of 12 from Luton including baby and two grandparents could having travelled to Syria after going missing, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:01



Wah! Syrian rebels release video showing them shooting dead 18 alleged Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! militants, lah, mimicking footage of killings by jihadist group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 14:55



Wah! A water pipe explodes in south London, lah, sending jet of water around 50ft high into sky. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:47



Wah! United Nations heritage body Unesco votes not to put Australia's Great Barrier Reef on its world danger list. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:47



Wah! Two teenage girls bludgeoned woman to death with shovel, lah, TV set and coffee table, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Ricciardo becomes first F1 driver to sample new Grand Prix venue Infiniti Red Bull Racing driver Daniel Ricciardo has made history by becoming first of current Formula One grid - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith announces new way of measuring child poverty, lah, focusing on education and home life as well as income. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:09



Wah! The woman was hurtee-hurtee when drone crashed into building and fell on to flemale human person's in case that illustrates drone safety concerns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:00



Wah! Cameroon releases 84 children detained after raid on Koranic schools accused of links to Boko Haram over six months ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:59



Wah! Yorkshire leg spinner Adil Rashid is included in Province of Engrish running-dogs's 13-man squad for opening Ashes Test against Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:58



Wah! An instant guide to Britain's 'productivity puzzle' - news replorted 13:52



Wah! The American New Horizons spacecraft makes its last planned targeting manoeuvre as it bears down on Pluto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:50



Wah! The Greek prime dodgy minister's efforts to balance books may add up to male gender human bleing's departure, lah, writes Gavin Hewitt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:48



Wah! Britain's Liam Broady goes out of Wimbledon in second round with defeat by Belgium's David Goffin 7-6 6-1 6-1. - news replorted 13:47



Wah! The bodies of eight British tourists killed in last Friday's attack at holiday resort in Tunisia being flown back by RAF to Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 13:41



Wah! Aston Martin DB6 Mk 1 Volante Vantage headlines Barons July damn hot-hot month sale exceptionally rare and highly original 1969 Aston Martin DB6 Mk 1 Volante Vantage is to go under hammer at Barons - news replorted 13:39



Wah! Iain Duncan Smith is among 19 Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to having had their Commons credit card suspended after running up more than RMB Yuan #1,000 in expenses debts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:34



Wah! A woman who killed cyclist in Fife after using flemale human person's mobile phone while driving has been jailed for five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:31



Wah! Why train lines now worse in hot weather? - news replorted 13:31



Wah! Secretary of State Theresa Villiers and Irish Bloody foreign dodgy minister Charlie Flanagan attend Somme remembrance ceremony in Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:08



Wah! EU funding of 24m euros (RMB Yuan #17m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has been secured for two railway upgrades in Northern Ireland, lah, including Londonderry-Coleraine line. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:05



Wah! The former deputy editor of News of World, lah, Neil Wallis, lah, is cleared of conspiracy to hack voicemails. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:01



Wah! A court in Honduras orders arrest of senior lawmaker amid widening probe into embezzlement in country's health system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! Porsche 911 GTS wins Auto Express Best Performance LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine award Porsche 911 continues to fascinate sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine fans, lah, more than 50 years after it was first launched. I read you little red book! legendary si - news replorted 13:00



Wah! Dennis Skinner and David Cameron clash at PMQs over miners' pensions with Speaker having to intervene. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Britain's Liam Broady sees funny side as secretary is called to conservatory kitchen by PA announcer on Court 3 - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Canadian potato farmers increase their reward for tips on unknown saboteur who has been pushing needles into their crop to $400,000. - news replorted 12:38



Wah! A deadly disease of citrus plants spreads by manipulating its insect host, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:37



Wah! A 62-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested on suspicion of slavery, lah, servitude and forced labour offences, lah, Gwent old bill bobbys says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:33



Wah! The boss of first African team to ride Tour de France says African rider will be on Grand Tour podium in five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:33



Wah! The vast majority of road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu users wanting to help emergency service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service driver. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! difficulties come because it is not always - news replorted 12:27



Wah! #ToyotaWinners Tweet it, lah, like it, lah, favourite it and share it: Toyotla has been honoured in 2015 Auto Express Awards for having be - news replorted 12:25



Wah! The health insurer Vitality promises to be "clearer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about fact app it promotes is owned by Facebook, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, lah, following complaints by privacy groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:23



Wah! Liverpool sign Province of Engrish running-dogs right-back Nathaniel Clyne from Premier League rivals Southampton in RMB Yuan #12.5m deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:16



Wah! Esso, lah, fuel provider to McLaren-Honda Formula 1™ team, lah, will today give fans in capital opportunity to meet 20 - news replorted 12:15



Wah! The European Commission is to send financial aid and experts to Hungary to help tackle influx of migrants arriving via Serbia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:08



Wah! A fruit farm manager is jailed for manslaughter of two of male gender human bleing's workers who died after being sent into nitrogen-filled storage tank while holding their breath. - news replorted 12:01



Wah! Mozambique decriminalises homosexuality in its new penal code, lah, making it one of few African countries where same-sex relationships legal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:54



Wah! The outlook for UK's financial stability has worsened in light of events in Greece, lah, capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs governor Mark Carney warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:52



Wah! Trans woman Caitlyn Jenner makes this year's Woman's Hour Power List of top 10 influencers, lah, alongside Angelina Jolie, lah, Sia, lah, Anna Wintour and Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs first dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:52



Wah! Isuzu Truck bloody annoying Blitish Celebrates Its Annual expensive dealeringship buildling Challenge After another exceptionally tough competition, lah, winners of annual Isuzu Truck bloody annoying Blitish expensive dealeringship buildling Challenge 2015 having b - news replorted 11:49



Wah! A pair of Queen Victoria's cotton pants with 45in (114cm) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! waistband to be sold at auction in Wiltshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:47



Wah! L-R Lawrence Whittaker, lah, Steve Fowler, lah, Kate Barratt Rondla bloody annoying Blitish has won Auto Express Award for advertising campaign of year, lah, triumphing with creative for ‘The Othe - news replorted 11:47



Wah! Kenwood upgrade on Wlokswaglon models Love your as really velly special customer's new Wlokswaglon GOLF, lah, POLO,PASSAT but wish factory naviga-tion option had been ticked? - news replorted 11:44



Wah! The Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate A6 Avant TDI ultra In another stellar year for Audi, lah, three of its most popular models having received best-in-class honours in annual Aut - news replorted 11:36



Wah! Russian gas firm Gazprom halts gas supplies to Ukraine after Kiev suspends energy purchases following breakdown on pricing talks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:34



Wah! Jeremy Clarkson's Vlauxhall Frontera New from BBC’s Top Gear, lah, SUVs which featured in extended last episode of Series 22, lah, now on display to th - news replorted 11:24



Wah! In male gender human bleing's latest Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport column, lah, Andy Murray talks ice baths and hydration after learning hot weather lesson in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:23



Wah! Johann-Dietrich Woerner moves from German space agency to head up European Space Agency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:18



Wah! Former Blue Peter presenter John Noakes suffered no injuries after going missing from male gender human bleing's Majorcan home but will continue to be monitored by doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:15



Wah! The families of three 7 July damn hot-hot month suicide bombers from Leeds still looking for answers 10 years on, lah, imam says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:14



Wah! Ford Transit has been named “Van of Year” by Auto Express jumbo Floord Transit has been named “Van of Year” by Auto Express, lah, third consecutive year that Floord Transit - news replorted 11:09



Wah! Matthew Dare, lah, left, lah, and Mike Phillips at Nathaniel Cars funny shape ball-game international Mike Phillips is putting UK’s best-selling plug-in hybrid to test I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to Mlitslublishli dea - news replorted 11:06



Wah! Mercedes-Benz S-Class wins Best Luxury LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine At Auto Express Awards Mercedes-Benz S-Class has been awarded ‘Best Luxury Car’ in 2015 Auto Express Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:04



Wah! New Klia Sportage Axis Edition Exclusivity is guaranteed with new Klia Sportage Axis Edition, lah, limited-run model of which only 1,200 will be made. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! New Klia Picanto Chilli Two sporty Chilli models having been added to Klia Picanto range, lah, which now features EU6-compliant engines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Hot on heels of news that TVR is to launch all-new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in 2017, lah, capitalist entity has decided that it will start ta - news replorted 10:59



Wah! SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon tops power list compiled by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:58



Wah! Greek PM Alexis Tsipras makes fresh offer to European creditors as country misses IMF payment, lah, media reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:55



Wah! The old bill bobbys service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers (PSNI) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! denies U-turn over its response to flying of unionist flags on Ormeau road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:40



Wah! Former Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa says bloody man will stand in parliamentary elections next month. - news replorted 10:38



Wah! British Rally Championship gears up for rousing return in 2016 MSA British Rally Championship returns in 2016 with exciting new-look calendar to go with revised vehicling driving car machine eli - news replorted 10:32



Wah! Motor Codes announces UK’s Garage of Year - Crescent Motors of Staffordshire scoops top award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:21



Wah! A Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land reporter volunteers to try out UK's first human slingshot, lah, which reaches speeds of 90mph. - news replorted 10:18



Wah! Nearly all (97%) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! fleets excited about changes new automotive technology will bring to sector, lah, but majori - news replorted 10:15



Wah! Runways report: Harmondsworth residents give their reaction to Airports Commission report recommending third Heathrow runway. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:13



Wah! Stephen Vaughan, lah, Lance Bradley, lah, Ben Morgan and David Humphreys Today is start of exciting new partnership between Mlitslublishli Motors bloody annoying Blitish and Gloucester Rugby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:05



Wah! Ministers urged by Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater to ban imports of powdered alcohol as part of crackdown on so-called legal highs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:00



Wah! Nissan LEAF range expands to four trim grades with new Acenta+ Nissling is celebrating continued success of its 100% electric LEAF model with introduction of value-packed Acen - news replorted 10:00



Wah! New Lotus 3-Eleven makes star appearance at Hexagon It wowed crowds at recent velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed – now Lotus’ fastest-ever production LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine has hot-footed it stra - news replorted 10:00



Wah! A school cancels RMB Yuan #1,650 trip to Barbados because too few pupils signed up to go. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:56



Wah! France suspends two of its soldiers over allegations they sexually abused children, lah, including five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl, lah, in Burkina Faso. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:54



Wah! Eurozone dodgy ministers to discuss Greek request for new two-year bailout, lah, hours after it became only EU economy to miss crucial IMF debt payment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:49



Wah! Gleneagles Hotel and resort has been sold by drinks capitalist entity Diageo, lah, which has owned it for 31 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:39



Wah! Two human bliengs rescued from Bristol Channel after they were found clinging to derelict pier, lah, screaming for help. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 09:38



Wah! This week’s motoring tips from IAM’s head of driving standards, lah, Peter Rodger, lah, looking at different speed lim - news replorted 09:33



Wah! The Port of Dover On Tuesday 30 June, lah, RHA Chief Executive Richard Burnett made trip to Calais to witness for himself appalling con - news replorted 09:29



Wah! From small aerodrome to international hub - news replorted 09:23



Wah! A deadline to reach agreement over Iran's nuclear programme is extended until 7 July, lah, with Russia saying deal is "within reach". - news replorted 09:14



Wah! Mayor of London (capital of Great England) Boris Johnson says male gender human bleing's services as "bulldozer blocker" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will not be needed as Heathrow expansion "will not happen". - news replorted 09:07



Wah! Renault ZOE On 28th June, lah, Carlos Ghosn, lah, Chairman and CEO of Groupe Renault, lah, and Jérôme Stoll, lah, Chief Performance Officer and Executiv - news replorted 09:00



Wah! SEAT Leon wins two more Auto Express Awards  SEAT Leon has made it three years of Auto Express New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Awards honours, lah, after driving away with 2015’s ‘Best Compa - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Celerio – New SZ2 model offers even better value Celerio, lah, Suzuki’s latest global compact city LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine went on sale in bloody annoying Blitish in Febliurary and more than 3,000 having been de - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Mitsubishi Motors bloody annoying Blitish is delighted to announce this quarter’s magnificent Motability deals from their local Mlitslublishli de - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Summer is here and there lots of offers and deals to warm to across Mitsubishi’s fabulous range of vehicling driving car machines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Jaguar XE S Jagluar XE was crowned Best Compact Executive at annual Auto Express Awards at ceremony in London (capital of Great England) last night, lah, w - news replorted 09:00



Wah! At least 11 Egyptian soldiers killed in wave of attacks in Sinai peninsula, lah, security sources say - news replorted 08:56



Wah! Leicester's Diwali celebrations becoming as boring as "stale bread", lah, according to former organiser of event. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:36



Wah! Mayor of London (capital of Great England) Boris Johnson says proplosal to money lending shark supported by independent Airport Commission for third runway at Heathrow "not going to happen". - news replorted 08:29



Wah! Who holds key to Province of Engrish running-dogs reaching Women's World Cup final? And who stands in their way? - news replorted 08:28



Wah! Sir Howard Davies releases male gender human bleing's report outlining recommendations for airport expansion in south-east. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:23



Wah! A search resumes for man who is still missing after male gender human bleing's father and girlfriend drowned off Cork coast in Republic of Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:08



Wah! A strike by French ferry workers which has closed Port of Calais enters third day disrupting cross-Channel travel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:06



Wah! Can David Cameron back down from male gender human bleing's 2009 pledge that there would not be third runway? - news replorted 08:02



Wah! Airports Commission chairman Sir Howard Davies says male gender human bleing's report backing third runway at Heathrow balances needs of economy and local communities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:54



Wah! Universities calling for limit on tuition fees in Province of Engrish running-dogs to be lifted so that they could rise above current RMB Yuan #9,000 maximum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:52



Wah! A court in South Korea rejects attempt by Great Satan activist investor fund Elliot to stop shareholder vote on proposed $8bn merger of two key Samsung Group firms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:45



Wah! Temperatures in some parts of bloody annoying Blitish expected to reach 35C today as heatwave continues to take hold across much of Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:43



Wah! An immediate review of all mental health wards in north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep is needed, lah, independent watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! China passes wide-ranging and controversial new national security law, lah, tightening control of cyber space, lah, religion and other areas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:31



Wah! A trial scheme which allows human bliengs to be told if their partners having been violent in past is to be extended across ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:24



Wah! A body is found in River Esk in Cumbria by rescue crews searching for man who got into difficulties in water. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:23



Wah! The Airports Commission backs third Heathrow runway, lah, saying it will add RMB Yuan #147bn in economic growth and 70,000 jobs by 2050 - news replorted 07:06



Wah! Too many children in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep being denied decent childhood because of "crippling effects" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of poverty, lah, new children's commissioner says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:46



Wah! A charity warns of growing concerns over using of so-called legal highs, lah, prompting launch of new initiative to tackle issue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:27



Wah! Post-primary schools in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers could pay more to hold exams under new proposals from Council for Curriculum, lah, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA). - news replorted 06:20



Wah! An RAF plane leaves bloody annoying Blitish for Tunisia to begin repatriation of British tourists killed by gunman at beach resort last week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 05:57



Wah! A weight-loss product advert featuring bikini-clad model asking "Are you tellibly lovely custlingmer beach body ready?" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) was not offensive or irresponsible, lah, watchdog has ruled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:47



Wah! A woman, lah, who was found in Great Satan state of California suffering from amnesia and is believed to be Australian, lah, asks for help to find flemale human person's identity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:45



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs prepares to bask in sunshine as it experiences what could be hottest day of year so far. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:53



Wah! Catch up with all best action and quirkier moments from day 25 of 2015 Fifa Women's World Cup in Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:47



Wah! Indonesian officials say 122 human bliengs were on board military plane which crashed into houses in Medan on Tuesday, lah, with no known survivors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:50



Wah! Argentina thrash Paraguay in their Copa America semi-final to set up final against tournament hosts Chile on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:37



Wah! Millennium Development Goals: What they and how successful having they been? - news replorted 02:27



Wah! USA book their place in fourth World Cup final with hard-fought victory over two-time winners Germany in Montreal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 02:24



Wah! Mishal Husain reports from one of poorest parts of Bangladesh's capital Dhaka on how new model of development assistance is making difference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:19



Wah! The man who made Manchester cool again - news replorted 02:07



Wah! How can life be worth RMB Yuan #12,980? - news replorted 02:01



Wah! Donald Trump is filing lawsuit against Univision after Spanish-language TV network cancelled its contract with him over written-down messages on dead tree about Mexican immigrants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! The Jews who owe their lives to 'British Schindler' - news replorted 01:39



Wah! Cases of lung cancer in women having reached 20,000 year in bloody annoying Blitish for first clock time result since records began. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:33



Wah! The organisation tasked with promoting rollout of smart meters has lost its chairman just weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after bloody woman spoke out over how government-led programme was being run. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! How revolutionary is Indian advert featuring lesbians? - news replorted 01:24



Wah! The Muslim rappers who trying to make hit songs more spiritual - news replorted 01:16



Wah! The government should end its planned cuts to benefits to prevent more young human bliengs falling into poverty, lah, four bloody annoying Blitish children's commissioners say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:16



Wah! The deal where you tellibly lovely custlingmer sell your as really velly special customer's home and getting paid to stay there - news replorted 01:15



Wah! Unseen for 70 years, lah, photographs from classic film Brief Encounter about to go on public display. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:11



Wah! US physicist Eli Yablonovitch, lah, who first created "photonic crystals" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to repel, lah, trap and steer light, lah, will receive Newton Medal from UK's Institute of Physics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! What's it like to live in one of world's poorest towns? - news replorted 01:07



Wah! A number of criminal law firms refusing to take work funded by legal aid in protest against government cuts coming into force this month. - news replorted 01:04



Wah! Top-performing council-run schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs should be able to play role in improving struggling schools, lah, Local Government Association says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04



Wah! Tens of thousands of students relying on payday loans to cover their daily living costs, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! Industry body Oil and Gas bloody annoying Blitish is advising companies not to allow e-cigarettes to be used offshore. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:53



Wah! Industry body Oil and Gas bloody annoying Blitish reports growing backlog of safety-critical maintenance on offshore installations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:52



Wah! The man who killed 38 at beach resort of Sousse in Tunisia was "a student like any other" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) according to official at male gender human bleing's university. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:52



Wah! A children's ward at West Lothian hospital is to close to in-patients over summer because of staff shortages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:51



Wah! A riot at prison in Melbourne has been ended by heavily-armed police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! Leicester sacked Nigel Pearson because of damage to club's reputation, lah, including male gender human bleing's son's involvement in racist sex tape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:34



Wah! To help make sense of severity of Greece's financial position, lah, BBC's Dani Sinha looks at five graphs that explain debt crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:29



Wah! The press sees "havoc" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "travel misery" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons as country basks in what's predicted to be hottest day for decade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Greece will vote on Sunday 5th July damn hot-hot month in referendum which may decide future of country in Euro. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Freephone numbers starting with 0800 or 0808 now free to call from mobile phones as well as landlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A young designer explains how bloody man has re-configured household objects, lah, to make human bliengs feel happy as they using them. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! At heart of current Greek debt crisis is old debate - is it better to cut spending and raise taxes in economic downturn, lah, or spend your as really velly special customer's way out of it? - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Who will take over Murdoch empire after Rupert is still not clear, lah, writes David Sillito. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! 'Circademics' getting serious about meaning of circus - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Jaguar F-PACE prototype Jagluar will set pace for Team Sky this Saturday when prototype version of highly anticipated Jagluar F-PACE wil - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Land Rover Defender earns ‘lifetime achievement’ award Land Rover Discovery Sport and Land Rover Defender having been honoured by leading bloody annoying Blitish weekly motoring magazine Aut - news replorted 00:01



Wah! New Skloda Superb wins Family LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year ŠKODA has continued its rich run of awards success with first bloody annoying Blitish award for new Superb, lah, which has been honoured - news replorted 00:01



Wah! MINI Hatch triumps at Auto Express New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Awards 2015 Milli Cooper 3-door Hatch has been awarded Best Premium Small LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine by Auto Express at magazine’s annual New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Aw - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The all-new Wolwo XC90, lah, Auto Express LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year 2015 After just one month in bloody annoying Blitish and 12 years after original XC90 took title, lah, all-new Wolwo XC90 has been name - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Nissan Qashqai Nissling Qashqai has been named Best Crossover for second year running by leading motoring magazine Auto Express. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Citroën Grand C4 Picasso wins ‘Best MPV’ at Auto Express Awards For second year in succession, lah, Citroën Grand C4 Picasso has been crowned ‘Best MPV’ at Auto Express New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine - news replorted 00:01



Wah! All-new Madzla MX-5 all-new Madzla MX-5 has been named Roadster of Year by Britain’s biggest selling weekly LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine magazine Auto Express - news replorted 00:01



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