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Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

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invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

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"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Mercedes E-Class Saloon 2.1 CDi 16v (167bhp) E220 AMG Sport Saloon 4dr 2143cc Diesel at £425.53 inc VAT at 08:37 yesterday - Ling
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MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
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Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
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-Ling
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lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Intelligence agencies accused of flaws in their treatment of terrorism suspects after it emerged they were aware of 'Jihadi John' before bloody man went to Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! LATEST:  Flights suspended at East Midlands Airport after power failure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:35



Wah! Iraq's national museum officially reopens in Baghdad, lah, 12 years after it was looted in aftermath of invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:24



Wah! The jailed leader of Turkey's main Kurdish rebel group urges male gender human bleing's followers to end 30-year armed struggle and seek democratic peace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:58



Wah! Western leaders condemn killing of Russian opposition politician Boris Nemtsov, lah, and urge authorities to conduct transparent investigation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:47



Wah! Suspected cannabis thought to be worth ĀRMB Yuan #40,000 has been seized in County Londonderry, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:30



Wah! Both government and opposition in Russia coming up with theories about killing of Putin critic Boris Nemtsov, lah, but it could be years before it becomes clear why it happened, lah, says BBC's Artyom Liss. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:26



Wah! A 15-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy was stabbed to death when three men attacked him while bloody man was cycling with friends, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:00



Wah! India bowl out United Arab Emirates for 102, lah, lowest total yet at World Cup, lah, before racing to victory in 18.5 overs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:45



Wah! A "perfectly spherical" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) chicken egg, lah, thought to be "one-in-a-billion" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) sells online for ĀRMB Yuan #480 with money going to charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:35



Wah! Family and friends of missing teenager Rebecca Watts gather again to look for flemale human person's as old bill bobbys continue to search lakes and rivers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:24



Wah! A man has died after being struck by LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine on M8 between Livingston and Bathgate, lah, old bill bobbys confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:19



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is among those paying tribute to Leonard Nimoy, lah, Star Trek actor who has died aged 83, lah, saying: "I loved Spock." (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - news replorted 10:55



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish industry completes construction of modules that make up Lisa Pathfinder satellite - remarkable probe that will test key technologies needed to detect gravitational waves in space. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:54



Wah! Stormont's Department of Agriculture is to apply to European Union for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers cattle to be declared free of disease brucellosis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:12



Wah! Ansar Allah, lah, or Houthi movement, lah, began as defence of Zaidi religious tradition but experienced several major transformations in arriving at its current dominance of Yemeni politics, lah, Charles Schmitz writes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:11



Wah! A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is still being questioned on suspicion of causing death of boy by dangerous driving. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Fighting has died down in Ukraine's Donetsk and Luhansk regions in recent days, lah, after ceasefire agreed between government and pro-Russian rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:19



Wah! People in Lesotho voting in polls aimed at resolving political tensions following attempted coup last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Prince William was transformed into samurai warlord, lah, but escaped ordeal of wearing wig, lah, as bloody man visited Japan's public broadcaster NHk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:52



Wah! old bill bobbys will be out in force in Newcastle later for first rally in Britain by group opposed to what it calls "Islamisation of Europe". - news replorted 08:36



Wah! The funeral is due to take place for one of victims of crash involving 30-tonne tipper truck in Bath that killed four people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:16



Wah! The Duke of Cambridge dresses as famous samurai warrior during visit to set of long-running historical drama in Japan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:05



Wah! A dress "resembling" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) $150,000 (ĀRMB Yuan #97,000) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! outfit worn by Lupita Nyong'o at this year's Oscars has been found, lah, Los Angeles old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:02



Wah! New Aston Martin Lagonda Taraf Aston Martin is today announcing that luxurious new Lagonda super saloon will be made available, lah, in strictly limited - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Man Utd still target PSG's Marquinhos, lah, Eden Hazard hails Jose Mourinho "special relationship", lah, plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! New Zealand survive late collapse to beat Australia by one wicket in thrilling climax to their World Cup Pool game. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:30



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's women defeated New Zealand by five wickets in final ODI between sides, lah, and sealed series victory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:14



Wah! Russia has become danger to Britain and country must be prepared to take steps to defend itself and its allies, lah, former head of MI6 says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:35



Wah! The former chief of MI6 says that Russia has always been "issue of concern" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for security services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! A small Hungarian village has put itself up for tourists to rent, lah, in attempt to raise money to revitalise it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:50



Wah! A former teacher of man named as extremist "Jihadi John" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) says bloody man received anger management therapy at secondary school after getting into fights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! The former head of Colombia's secret police, lah, Maria del Pilar Hurtado, lah, has been found guilty of spying on politicians, lah, judges and journalists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:42



Wah! Energy price comparison sites should compensate clustomlers who changed to tariffs that may not having been cheapest deals, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:02



Wah! Indian Prime dodgy minister Narendra Modi's government is due to unveil its first full budget in what is seen as key test of male gender human bleing's appetite for reform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 02:50



Wah! First-time home buyers aged under 40 in bloody annoying Blitish can now register to buy new homes at discount of up to fifth off normal price. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! Scientists say they having found distinct changes in immune systems of patients with me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero or chronic fatigue syndrome, lah, which could lead to better diagnosis and treatment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:31



Wah! IS needs women to build state, lah, says Razia Iqbal - and it is using social media to lure impressionable recruits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:03



Wah! 'I change my velly own damn disabled son's nappy on urine-soaked floors' - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Why everyone should be aware of Sam's symptoms - news replorted 01:39



Wah! How nation was built on tropical swamp - news replorted 01:33



Wah! The ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour of "that dress" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) has been fascinating human bliengs all around world, lah, including Prof Barry C Smith of University of London's Institute of Philosophy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:37



Wah! A debate has raged on social media over ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour of dress which looks different to different people. What the hell I mean??!! BBC's David Sillito - with help of professor John Barbur - explains why we saw it differently, lah, in 45 seconds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Israel's Ester Rada thrills with rich music inspired by Africa beats - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The 30-day worm, lah, damn crazy Engrish baseball game and cockroach diet - news replorted 00:10



Wah! How biting satire reached Muslims 100 years ago - news replorted 00:04



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