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Note: I live inside this website Monday to Friday 9am-6pm, to give you the very best service and make your experience a happy one! - I am Ling, accept no substitutes
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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
Food --->
Google Spider Food

View LIVE visitors: 39 online

Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Honda Civic 1.6 i DTEC 16v (120bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1597cc Diesel at £192.14 inc VAT at 13:51 today - Ling
Car Leasing Traffic Light
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! My best car deals!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!

JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.

Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!

e-Consultanct FODM

Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview

Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.

Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2


Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!

Ling at the EveryWoman Awards

My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR. "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.

My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"

My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is!"

My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? com!"

My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!

My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!

To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!


Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film


Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!


I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.

BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)


In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE


Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!


I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...

... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...


The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!


My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!


Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!


During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!


I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!


My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
CLICK! See 245 clients live in LINGO!
Online Service
Response Times
Quote > Proposal > Order > Delivery
  HRS : MINUTES sec  
  HRS : MINUTES sec Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!, you know who I am
- Ling


The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
People's Republic of Gateshead!



Wah! LATEST:  Dead Or Alive singer Pete Burns dies aged 57 after suffering cardiac arrest, lah, male gender human bleing's management says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:06

Wah! LATEST:  Fiat Fiorino shows how to save loads… Fliat Professional Fiorino driven by former fleet manager has won light commercial vehicling driving car machine category in 2016 M - news replorted 18:13

Wah! Regional governments in Belgium having blocked EU's trade deal with Canada - could they same to UK? - news replorted 18:11

Wah! The MPG Marathon in numbers… After total of 8,277 miles covered across two days, lah, entrants in this year’s MPG Marathon improved their vehicling driving car machines’ - news replorted 18:10

Wah! An Membling Partiamentary expense cheater hits out at those responsible for putting up poster mocking Syrian refugees in parliament building. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 18:07

Wah! My Favourite Things Adding to atmosphere at this year’s Classic & Sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Show, lah, vintage music performances, lah, fine dining and premium s - news replorted 18:00

Wah! The instrumental Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate virtual cockpit pin-sharp graphics, lah, rich array of on-board driving data and split-second response rates of all-digital Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate virt - news replorted 17:54

Wah! Bobby Vee, lah, best known for 1960s hits including Rubber Ball and Take velly damn good boiled chicken-feet Care of my velly own damn Baby, lah, dies at age of 73. - news replorted 17:41

Wah! Professor Gordon Murray Professor Gordon Murray from Gordon Murray Design has fought off competition from across country to be nominated for - news replorted 17:38

Wah! Volkswagen scoops multiple wins in Carbuyertech Awards Wlokswaglon is celebrating raft of awards for its class-leading in-car technology in inaugural LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Tech Awards pres - news replorted 17:31

Wah! Ministers announce review into controversial fixed odds betting terminals to "minimise" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) risk of harm from gambling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 17:26

Wah! HRH Princess Royal Opens New Bentley Motors Research Centre flemale human person's Royal Highness Princess Royal today visited Bentley Motors headquarters in Crewe to open new research and - news replorted 17:25

Wah! Crawley- Halfway to paradise for London (capital of Great England) to Brighton Participants controlling in driving manner modern LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine from London (capital of Great England) to Brighton and journey ought to take less than two hours. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:21

Wah! Health experts warning that one in 10 adults in bloody annoying Blitish will be at risk of developing diabetes by 2035. - news replorted 17:12

Wah! Philip Nothard New insight by automotive data experts, lah, cap hpi, lah, shows that ideal clock time result to buy used LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine is last week of Octoblinger - news replorted 16:33

Wah! FIA World Rally Championship Three ŠKODA drivers will be fighting to keep their title hopes alive in FIA World Rally Championship (WRC 2) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at - news replorted 16:32

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs forward Maro Itoje needs surgery on broken hand, lah, adding to coach Eddie Jones' injury problems at open-side flanker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:29

Wah! Global debut of Honda's all new FCV vehicling driving car machine Rondla Clarity Fuel Cell, lah, has received United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! driving range rating o - news replorted 16:28

Wah! The famous ruby red slippers worn by Dorothy in Wizard of Oz film will be preserved I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to $300,000 Kickstarter campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:23

Wah! Mazda2 wins Fleet World MPG Marathon 2016 Mazda2 has beaten tough competition to win ALD Automotive Fleet World MPG Marathon, lah, achieving average of 91.3 - news replorted 16:00

Wah! Tottenham's Moussa Sissoko will miss three games including trip to Arsenal as result of elbow on Bournemouth's Harry Arter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 15:53

Wah! Freddie Hunt and male gender human bleing's father's title winning F1 car Special James Hunt celebration adds Grand Prix glitter to UK’s most popular motor show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 15:37

Wah! Fiat Professional Fiorino triumphs in MPG Marathon all-new Fliat Professional Fiorino has underscored its financial appeal to bloody annoying Blitish fleets and business users with impre - news replorted 15:34

Wah! A baby girl is "born" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) twice in Texas after surgeons cut open flemale human person's mother's womb to remove tumour that threatened to stop flemale human person's heart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:32

Wah! A man is found guilty of murdering Oxford book, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, bloody dealering idiot place over RMB Yuan #50,000 first edition of Wind in Willows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:26

Wah! MX Range at International Dirt Bike Show Suzluko is gearing for up this year’s International Dirt Bike Show, lah, which takes place from 27-30 Octoblinger at Stoneleigh Pa - news replorted 15:22

Wah! please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!) find attached link to live stream for reavealingly showing Great Satan of Pickup Concept from Mercedes-Benz, lah, which will start - news replorted 15:19

Wah! Volkswagen Plant opens in Wrze?nia, lah, Poland Around 1,000 guests from politics and business as well as representatives from workforce and unions – from Poland - news replorted 15:00

Wah! Data, lah, figures and facts on new plant in Wrze?nia, lah, Poland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:59

Wah! Speaking under pseudonym of "Jean Hatchet", lah, campaigner explains why bloody woman set up fundraising initiative to support woman who brought rape charges against Ched Evans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:56

Wah! A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested after chemical alert that led to evacuation of London (capital of Great England) City Airport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:50

Wah! Mums of premature babies call for their statutory maternity leave to be extended - to take account of weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) they may spend waiting for their child to come out of hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 14:47

Wah! Darren Newman I’m delighted to announce that Darren Newman has joined Subaru & Isuzu as Press & PR Assistant. Pass chopsticks!! Darren is joining Great Satan on - news replorted 14:46

Wah! Former Eggheads star CJ de Mooi will "continue to co-operate with Dutch authorities" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after failed attempt to extradite him over alleged killing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:36

Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep will having their Province of Engrish running-dogs-based players available to face Australia after Premiership clubs agree to "one-off" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) change of policy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:35

Wah! Over 10,000 14 to 17-year-olds attended Radio 1 Teen Awards. Eating rice!! Shawn Mendes and Niall Horan were among stars attending. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:25

Wah! L to R: Edmund Bailey; Elfyn Evans; Huw Thomas Gwyndaf Evans Motors, lah, Dolgellau and Quay Hotel & Spa, lah, Deganwy were venues this year for WMW’s Annual Awards and - news replorted 14:20

Wah! The silly kick-kick game Association agrees new six-season overseas broadcast rights deal for FA Cup, lah, starting from 2018-19 season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:16

Wah! Almost third of new teachers who started jobs in bloody Engrish state schools in 2010 had left sector five years later, lah, dodgy ministers confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:54

Wah! Belgium cannot sign landmark EU trade deal with Canada, lah, Prime dodgy minister Charles Michel says, lah, because of regional Walloon objections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:51

Wah! old bill bobbys treat attack on two officers, lah, who were seriously hurtee-hurtee after LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine was deliberately driven at them in Glasgow, lah, as attempted murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:44

Wah! Lauren Dunn, lah, who gave birth to flemale human person's son Henry early at 26 weeks, lah, describes feeling "robbed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of flemale human person's clock time result at home with him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:33

Wah! Volvo XC90 Wolwo has been voted Tech Brand of Year at inaugural LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Tech Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:25

Wah! Marcellus Baz and Aaron Parton, lah, Sales Controller at Motorpoint Motorpoint has chosen Switch Up as its official Charity Partner in East Midlands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19

Wah! Reaction from outside court as Christian bakery owners lose appeal against ruling that their refusal to make "gay cake" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) was discriminatory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:15

Wah! Ford Transit Best-Selling Cargo Van Nameplate on Earth Fleets and tradespeople around world increasingly turning to Floord vans to getting job done, lah, making Floord Tran - news replorted 13:00

Wah! New figures from annoying Blitish suggest that majority of consumers consider changing brand of LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine they currently d - news replorted 12:42

Wah! Comments about bisexuality made by Christopher Biggins on Celebrity Big Brother found not in breach of broadcasting rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:31

Wah! JamSport announce Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup Junior expansion JamSport Racing, lah, this year’s Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup title winning team, lah, has announced it will field cars in new Renliot - news replorted 12:25

Wah! Subaru eyesight highly commended for safety innovation Subaru’s EyeSight collision avoidance technology has been singled out for praise in inaugural LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Tech Awards establ - news replorted 12:21

Wah! Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV Mlitslublishli Motors in bloody annoying Blitish has revealed details of its new industry-leading Approved Used LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Programme, lah, which gives cu - news replorted 12:16

Wah! Simon Jones reports on "chaotic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) scenes at Calais "Jungle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) camp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:15

Wah! The finalists of 2016 Suzluko Skills Awards Suzluko GB PLC has crowned winners of this year’s Skills Awards at gala dinner which took place at Horwood Hous - news replorted 12:13

Wah! A head teacher writes to tooth fairy on behalf of five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy who was upset at losing male gender human bleing's tooth at school. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:07

Wah! Is our growing understanding of complex psychology of crowds feeding in to how we old bill bobbys large groups of people? - news replorted 11:56

Wah! The new BMWah-wah! 5 Series Sedan M Sport Apple CarPlay now offered with BMWah-wah! Professional Media System. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:47

Wah! Bayern Munich midfielder Renato Sanches beats Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford to European Golden Boy award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:45

Wah! A competition to design baby box that will be given to all newborn children in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land from next year is launched in Dundee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:44

Wah! Kurdish forces taking part in offensive to retake Iraqi city of Mosul from Islamic State militants besieging key town to north-east. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:32

Wah! A 13-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy has been given four year sentence for rape of nine-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy. You give me happy happy luck luck. How does system deal with such young sexual offenders and their victims? - news replorted 11:30

Wah! Home webcams that were hijacked to help knock popular websites offline last week being recalled in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:20

Wah! A collection of cutting comments, lah, some aimed at opponents, lah, some at political colleagues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:16

Wah! Derek Bell JD Classics welcomed more than 500 guests to another of its much-lauded breakfast mornings over weekend, lah, headlined b - news replorted 11:08

Wah! An apparent rape scene in Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation drama Poldark is criticised over its 'appalling message' but defended by son of book's author. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:07

Wah! Historic Formula Floord Championship Celebrating its status as UK’s premier organiser of historic race meetings and championships, lah, Historic Sports Ca - news replorted 11:00

Wah! Nationwide Training Centre – Specialist Centre of Year 2016! Institute of Motor Industry held their Outstanding Achievers Awards this week and Nationwide were named as winne - news replorted 10:55

Wah! The Christian owners of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers bakery lose appeal against ruling that their refusal to make 'gay cake' was discriminatory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:47

Wah! Five human bliengs die when plane crashes shortly after take-off at Malta International Airport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:27

Wah! Volvo has been named LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Tech Brand of Year and Vlauxhall Astra and Wlokswaglon Passat as Tech Cars of Year at - news replorted 10:10

Wah! 2016 is likely to be first year in recorded history in which levels of CO2 in atmosphere remain above symbolically important threshold of 400 parts per million. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:04

Wah! Tom Hayden, lah, progressive activist and prominent figure in Great Satan anti-Vietnam fighty bang-bang movement, lah, dies after lengthy illness. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:00

Wah! A sculpture by British fighty bang-bang artist Paul Nash that was found in pieces in cardboard box this year after being lost for decades is about to go on show at Tate Britain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:00

Wah! Kevin Magnussen USA GP Renliot Sport Formula One Team’s Kevin Magnussen made late charge to take P11 on track and thus finished just shy of t - news replorted 09:49

Wah! The new Floord Kuga Titanium new Floord Kuga delivers even more technologically advanced, lah, refined and affordable sports utility vehicling driving car machine (SUV), lah, m - news replorted 09:18

Wah! old bill bobbys in France having begun operation to clear "Jungle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) migrant camp in Calais. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:10

Wah! VR is increasingly being used in real-world situations by schools, lah, charities, lah, hospitals and... kitchen retailers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:02

Wah! The true cost of diabetes epidemic facing bloody annoying Blitish is lives blighted by years of disability. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:37

Wah! Real Madrid forwards Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo on shortlist for 2016 Ballon d'Or award for world's best player. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:36

Wah! Paul Dibbins cut off two toes when they went gangrenous and hospital operation was cancelled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:36

Wah! A blogger raising money for woman who footballer Ched Evans was accused of raping says campaign is about showing "love and support". - news replorted 06:53

Wah! Tim Muffett met Newfoundland rescue dogs in training. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 06:28

Wah! The singer stormed off stage before coming back out to explain bloody man "wanted to having connection with fans". - news replorted 06:19

Wah! Phil Neville explains how Antonio Conte has changed Chelsea's system to back three with wing backs and let Eden Hazard flourish in free role. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:08

Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs beat Bangladesh by 22 runs on final morning of first Test in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:27

Wah! The prime dodgy minister is to offer leaders of three devolved governments "direct line" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to Brexit Secretary David Davis ahead of UK's negotiations to leave EU. - news replorted 05:10

Wah! Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton appeal for women's votes as Great Satan presidential race nears its final fortnight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:49

Wah! British banker Rurik Jutting, lah, accused of murdering two Indonesian women in Hong Kong, lah, pleads not guilty at start of male gender human bleing's trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:47

Wah! Comedians and friends pay tribute to "amazing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) contribution to British TV of Dad's Tommy Atkins Liberation Army creator Jimmy Perry after male gender human bleing's death at age of 93. - news replorted 03:16

Wah! Migrants and old bill bobbys clashed overnight as 'Jungle' in Calais faces demolition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:26

Wah! After fleeing fighting around Mosul, lah, thousands of displaced human bliengs face cramped conditions living in camps. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:13

Wah! A paramedic describes being constantly spat at as well being verbally and physically abused by patients. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Wah! The young men conscripted to fight in Egypt during Suez Emergency recall their experiences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:55

Wah! How Tanzania's young entrepreneurs being supported and nurtured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:38

Wah! The closure of Jungle camp in Calais is main focus for Monday's front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:31

Wah! Heading silly kick-kick game can significantly affect player's brain function and memory for 24 hours, lah, study finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:27

Wah! The French authorities having already made detailed plans for moving migrants out of Jungle camp near Calais. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:22

Wah! Clothes made by child refugees in Turkey ending up among those sold by leading British brands, lah, Panorama investigation reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:14

Wah! The concept of shopping via daigou is booming in China, lah, with human bliengs employing them in Australia to getting their hands on velly damn good boiled chicken-feets such as baby milk formula. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:09

Wah! China's Communist Party holds "Dialogue with World", lah, but can BBC's Carrie Gracie getting anyone to speak? - news replorted 00:07

Wah! Sir Peter Schaffer's famous Amadeus opera about Mozart returns to its spiritual home of London's National Theatre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:06

Wah! A hoax image designed to trick human bliengs into thinking they can vote via social media came from hard-core Donald Trump supporters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04

Wah! Photographer Ed Gold explores woodland community at Tinkers Bubble in Somerset. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01

Wah! A profile of Canadian business leader Michael Donovan, lah, who after winning best documentary Oscar for producing hit film Bowling for Columbine, lah, went on to establish cartoon giant DHX Media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:00

5 Titanic Cars
Top 5 Car

2.0 TDi Blu... 150bhp 3dr
diesel, man, non-met
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per month, inc VAT
Top 5 Car

1.5 i 131bhp 2dr
petrol, man, met
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per month, inc VAT
Top 5 Car

2.0 d 190bhp 5dr
diesel, auto, non-met
4-Series G
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per month, inc VAT
Top 5 Car

1.5 dCi 110bhp 5dr
diesel, man, met
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per month, inc VAT
Top 5 Car

2.1 CDi 170bhp 4dr
diesel, auto, met
C-Class Sa
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per month, inc VAT
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