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CAR LEASING
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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

UK WARNING: Customers reporting many other internet prices hiding true lease costs! Beware dodgy companies selling high initial rental "6+" leases
Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
Food --->
Google Spider Food

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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Volvo V40 1.6 D2 8v (115bhp) R Design Hatchback 5dr 1560cc Diesel at £292.61 inc VAT at 13:06 yesterday - Ling
Car Leasing Traffic Light
Candybar
  EXTRA CHEAP!
  EXTRA CHEAP!
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! My best car deals!
        
MOVIES!
To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
I HAVE HALF A MILLION
YOUTUBE VIEWS!





JUMP 2012!

Ling of LINGsCARS patiently explains to a slow and reluctant audience, how to make online customers happy using subliminal mind-torture and the power of swearing. It's the EConsultancy JUMP conference, October 11th 2012. Regularly grasping victory from the jaws of poor coding, flashing gifs and defeat, Ling intends to describe how she squeezes every last cent out of her customers and how she takes complaining web visitors by the neck and rams them through her car leasing sausage machine. All while making them very happy. This presentation does not include any Thai prostitutes, or dogs playing poker. You won't understand a word of it. Chopsticks are optional.






Future of Digital Marketing!

In June 2012, I travelled to the e-Consultancy FODM conference in London and gave a basic lesson in internet marketing and customer strategy to over 200 of the highest ranking online marketing bods in the UK!
They were amazed that I can polarise visitors and emotionalise everything about me and my website. I told them how they need to improve their own marketing by taking a leaf out of my book!
I speak Chinese for the first five minutes to confuse everyone and desensitise them to my ideas, watch and learn!


e-Consultanct FODM





Me on BBC Radio Newcastle!

On 14th July 2011, I was invited by BBC Newcastle to gob off about the new series of Dragons' Den. Below, I made a video of the out-takes, and the proper transmission (being a radio programme) is audio only.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Outakes video
  BBC Radio Newcastle MP3 recording
MP3 full radio interview





Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester!

In July 2011, I gave a business briefing to 50 high-powered company directors assembled by top Manchester Accountancy firm, Saffrey Champness. I took my .30 cal Browning machine-gun because Manchester is the gun captial of the North.

In 2 parts, this video gives you a good overview of my business, and my new Chinese clothes business.


Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 1
Part 1
  Saffrey Champness Director's Briefing Manchester Part 2
Part 2






AWARD CEREMONY!

Ling wins national AWARD and receives her prize at the Dorchester Hotel!


Ling at the EveryWoman Awards






My ITV ad campaign!

In 2008, I ran a series of TV adverts on ITV. I had fantastic fun making them, and they caused a storm.
One got banned! ITV objected to me calling people from Sunderland "Mackams" and people from Middlesbrough "Smogmonsters". That was outrageous political correctness, as these are clearly sweet terms of endearment.

The adverts were filmed on a budget of 10p and did the job, providing a big pre-credit-crunch boost to sales! Subsequently, the series of adverts went on to win awards...

2008 Fresh TV Awards Winner!

The "Fresh Awards 2008" recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution. The producers: Kevin Owens/Matthew Newman (Your-Film), booking agency (AdMast), star turn Ling Valentine.









My TV advert #1

TV Ad#1 "Best thing about selling cars is to make money"





My TV advert #2

TV Ad#2 "My favourite website is ...LINGsCARS.com!"





My TV advert #3

TV Ad#3 "What are you talking about? W..W..W..W..dot com!"





My TV advert #4

TV Ad#4 "Perfect Chinglish" - TV ad in Chinese!





My TV advert #5

TV Ad#5 "Mackams and Smogmonsters" - "racist" TV ad banned by ITV!





To see more films, movies and TV adverts, visit my YouTube page!
DOCUMENTARY!


POST-ADVERT DOCUMENTARY!

Matthew Newman at Your-Film Shares his experience creating the adverts for Ling!

Matthew's post advert interview
Matthew's Experience (contains swearing)

Get your own award-winning films and adverts made by Your Film Your Film



MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!






BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)





MONGOL RALLY!

In 2006, I sent 2 brave Gateshead boyz to their near-deaths from Gateshead to Ulan Bator in a Fiat Cinquecento!

Pre Monogl Rally
Monogl Rally (pre)
  Monogl Rally Event
Mongol Rally (event)

Bored? ...read the full story of the Mongol Rally adventure HERE





YET MORE LING MOVIES!!

Here's a selection of other movies and fun stuff! Enjoy them! - Ling!





RALLYCROSS!

I sponsored the UK Rallycross Championship. In between, I sent Lina and Lulu to torture the racing drivers!
I have had lots of complaints from Chinese who understand the Cantonese! It is quite rude!!

Lina and Lulu
Lina and Lulu driver interviews...
  Lina and Lulu poisioning drivers
Lina and Lulu noodle poisoning...


... after poisioning them and humiliating them, I sent 2 English girls, Emma and Vikki to further embarass the drivers and to get them to demonstrate driving techniques using my wok!

Emma and Vikki
Emma and Vikki driving my wok (contains swearing!)...





BBC RADIO and TV INTERVIEWS!

The BBC often invite me to do radio and TV interviews. I take along a movie camera. Here are a selection...!

BBC Radio Tees
BBC Radio TEES
  BBC Radio 5
BBC Radio 5 Live!
BBC Newcastle
BBC Newcastle - Google fight!
  BBC Look North
BBC Look North - Dragons' Den on the news!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK and LONDON BUS!

My converted Chinese Army rocket truck has caused panic at the council and letters from John Prescott, and my London Routemaster bus featured on the BBC after I made this short film...!

Stuck and Swimming
Stuck and swimming in river!
  Financial Times
Financial Times photoshoot!
Thunderbirds
Thunderbirds are go!
  Summer Holiday
Summer holiday!





LOCAL EVENTS AND PROMOTION!

Locally in the North East, I cause a stir "saving" Northern Rock, and giving many talks to local businesses...!

Northern Rock
Saving Northern Rock, I invest my cash!
  Gateshead Enterprise
2007 Gateshead Enterprise Awards!





WORLD CUP 2006 PROMOTION

During a visit to the UK during the World Cup 2006, my crazy sis Shan dresses as a Red Guard and gives away flags! Mental, but true.

World Cup
My sister gives away EN-GER-LAND flags!





BEIJING OLYMPICS AND VIZ!

I filmed a Beijing Olympics "closing ceremony rehearsal" film; it got 10,000 views and caused a war in the UK and in China! I am also VIZ comic's ethnic minority business Ambassador. Please send Ferrari Rochers!

Beijing Olympics
Beijing Olympic UK rehearsal!
  Billy the fish
Billy the Fish meets Ling!





CHOPGEAR ROADTESTS!

My crazy ex-red guard sister Shan came to the UK and filmed a series of Top Gear spoof road tests...!

Chopgear SAAB 9-3
SAAB 9-3 roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Fiesta
Ford Fiesta roadtest!
 
Chopgear Vauxhall Vectra
Vauxhall Vectra roadtest!
  Chopgear Nissan Terrano
Nissan Terrano roadtest!
 
Chopgear Renault Scenic
Renault Scenic roadtest!
  Chopgear Fiat Punto
Fiat Punto roadtest!
 
Chopgear VW Golf
VW Golf roadtest!
  Chopgear Ford Focus
Ford Focus roadtest!
 
Chopgear BMW 7-Series
BMW 7-Series roadtest!
  Chopgear Vauxhall Astra
Vauxhall Astra roadtest!
 
Chopgear Nissan Almera
Nissan Almera roadtest!
 
lingscars.com
CLICK! See 280 clients live in LINGO!
Live!!
CLICK to VIEW!
Online Service
Response Times
Quote > Proposal > Order > Delivery
 
72 CLIENTS IN 'PROPOSAL'
...LING REPLIES IN:
  HRS : MINUTES sec  
 
208 CLIENTS IN 'ORDER'
...LING REPLIES IN:
  HRS : MINUTES sec  
Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Ferrari's Fernando Alonso is fastest in final practice at Singapore Grand Prix as Lewis Hamilton sits in sixth. - news replorted 12:44



Wah! LATEST:  Dozens of hostages seized by Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! from Turkish consulate in northern Iraqi city of Mosul having been freed and back in Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:25



Wah! The old bill bobbys investigating report that six-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl was indecently assaulted by older schoolboy in south Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:59



Wah! Paratroops from Europe and Great Satan staging parachute jumps in Netherlands to commemorate 70th anniversary of Battle of Arnhem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:59



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep full-back Leigh Halfpenny's future at Toulon appears to be secure following meeting with club officials. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:51



Wah! Labour warns that creating Province of Engrish running-dogs-only Commons votes will mean "two classes of MP", lah, as parties deal with ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's rejection of independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:02



Wah! The Bulgari Octo Maserati Founded by Alfieri Maserati and two of male gender human bleing's six brothers, lah, Ettore and Ernesto, lah, in Bologna on 1st Jesus-baby month Decemblinger 1914, lah, eponym - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho says clubs who breach Financial Fair Play rules should face sanctions, lah, rather than fines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:51



Wah! The hunt for missing 14-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Alice Gross is largest old bill bobbys search operation led by Metropolitan old bill bobbys since 7/7 bomb attacks, lah, force says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:42



Wah! Six human bliengs rescued from cars trapped in flood water, lah, as heavy rain hit Essex. - news replorted 10:33



Wah! There is no doubt that Nicola Sturgeon will be next leader of SNP, lah, former party leader Gordon Wilson says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:28



Wah! Leeds close to appointing Darko Milanic as their new head coach following sacking of David Hockaday last month. - news replorted 10:23



Wah! An Australian hunter says bloody man fought off crocodile by poking reptile in eye, lah, admitting bloody man was tipsy during attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:08



Wah! A mother is charged with murdering flemale human person's newborn baby girl whose body was found at house in Knowle, lah, Bristol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! Asian children with asthma five times more likely to end up with serious health problems than white children according to new research. - news replorted 09:09



Wah! Giving more power to regions of Province of Engrish running-dogs is answer to future of UK, lah, Wales' first dodgy minister says after ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land rejects independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:42



Wah! A rubber fetishist takes to streets in 'gimp suit' in attempt to challenge stereotypes and raise money. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:34



Wah! A monthly number-three to support striking Aberystwyth University staff is to be held as students continue to face disruption because of industrial action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! The funeral of Heywood Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Jim Dobbin takes place in Salford later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:57



Wah! Tens of thousands of tourists remain stranded after Hurricane Odile swept through western Mexico, lah, devastating resorts and destroying transport hubs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:57



Wah! Two high-profile imams in bloody annoying Blitish make direct appeal to Islamic State militant group to free British hostage Alan Henning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 07:55



Wah! Ten years after Brian Clough's death, lah, close friend Pat Murphy shares male gender human bleing's memories of one of football's greatest characters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:24



Wah! Politicians in Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land set to consider how bloody annoying Blitish will be governed in future after voters rejected Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:57



Wah! Manchester City's Yaya Toure tells BBC's silly kick-kick game Focus bloody man wantings to win Champions League for club's fans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:31



Wah! Prince William is to visit Malta to mark 50th anniversary of country's independence from British rule. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:39



Wah! The Duke of Cambridge is to celebrate Malta's 50th anniversary on official visit to country, lah, as last-minute replacement for male gender human bleing's pregnant wife. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:18



Wah! Some 49 Turkish hostages seized by militants in northern Iraqi city of Mosul in June-mber month now back in Turkey, lah, says Prime dodgy minister Ahmet Davutoglu. - news replorted 05:16



Wah! Aberdeen-based Oil and gas services capitalist entity Oil States announces plans to create 100 new jobs in West Lothian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:22



Wah! Politicians on both sides of independence debate to consider best way ahead for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land after voters backed remaining in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 04:12



Wah! A decade on from Brian Clough's death, lah, how is Old Big 'Ead remembered? - news replorted 03:57



Wah! An Egyptian man accused of helping to plan 1998 bombings of Great Satan embassies in Kenya and Tanzania has pleaded guilty in federal court in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:45



Wah! Two human bliengs from bloody annoying Blitish reported missing off Mexican coast after Hurricane Odile hit country last weekend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:31



Wah! Leading British Muslim scholars make direct appeal to Islamic State militants to free Alan Henning, lah, bloody annoying Blitish hostage threatened with death. - news replorted 01:48



Wah! Secret service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service agents briefly evacuate part of White House after intruder was spotted running through grounds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:34



Wah! The Ukrainian government and pro-Russian rebels agree memorandum on peace plan for conflict in east of country, lah, at talks in Minsk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:17



Wah! The European Court for Human Rights will hear Italian ex-PM Silvio Berlusconi's appeal against fraud conviction, lah, male gender human bleing's lawyer says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Six Russian MiG 31 jets intercepted by American and Canadian planes off coast of Alaska on Wednesday, lah, Great Satan defence officials confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! The post-referendum newspapers focus on political row over Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters voting on bloody Engrish matters - row many say could "stall" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) further devolution. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Social media trends of week - in 60 seconds - news replorted 00:13



Wah! Migrant survivors in Malta speak of horror at sea - news replorted 00:10



Wah! A marriage counsellor on healing referendum hurt - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Why I'm risking my velly own damn life to help human bliengs with Ebola - news replorted 00:05



Wah! The search is on for owner of ticket which scooped 86.7m euros (ÂRMB Yuan #68.3m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in Euromillions jackpot in Republic of autonomous province of Guinness drinkers on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A government immigration census in Cambodia has members of ethnic Vietnamese community living on Tonlé Sap river fearing for their future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Brutal Ballet performed Games of Thrones inspired piece at TitanCon, lah, science fiction and fantasy convention in Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The scary element that helped save crew of Apollo 13 - news replorted 00:00



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