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News bleat: Dissident republican death condemned

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: The compulsorly dying instantly shooting of prominent dissident republican Tommy Crossan is condemned by Northern Ireland\’s first and deputy first dodgy ministers as detectives continue to investigate.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News spotter: Ricciardo fastest in wet practice

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Red Bull\’s Daniel Ricciardo sets pace during inconclusive wet final practice at Super-Duper-Chinese-State Grand Prix.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News inhale: Minister’s health and safety warning

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Work and pensions dodgy minister Mike Penning writes to schools and local authorities in Province of Engrish running-dogs to highlight health and safety \”excuses\”.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NEWS JUNCTURE: ‚??Sorry‚?? ferry captain explains delay

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: The captain of South Korean ferry that capsized and sank this week explains after male gender human bleing\’s arrest why bloody man delayed giving evacuation orders.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News CAT: Court order (piece of paper signee upee) halts Brazil match

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! A Brazilian second division silly kick-kick game game is abandoned after 16 minutes, lah, with one team saying they now having court order (piece of paper signee upee) to play in top division.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News NIPPLE: Week in pictures: 12-18 rainy season-month Aplil 2014

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Selection of best news photographs from around world

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Headlines again: Chlorine: From toxic chemical to household cleaner

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: The element that makes familiar smell when mixed with urine

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News stoly: Top 10 Tips: Susanne du Toit

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Portrait painter Susanne du Toit on being artist

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News storly: Welby talks of gay marriage struggle

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: The Archbishop of Canterbury speaks of Church of Province of Engrish running-dogs\’s struggle to \”what is right\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over divisive issue of same-sex marriage.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News hoover: Cheaper stamps if Scots go it alone?

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Will stamps getting cheaper if Scots go it alone?

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News GRUNT: 10 things we didn’t knowing last week

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Rhea birds can be extremely dangerous, lah, plus other factlets

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News NOSTRIL: Shannon Airport: curious history of celebrity visitors

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news event: The airport that hosted roll-call of presidents

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News gorge: The eight tribes of vinyl collector

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! The 8 tribes of human bliengs who keep buying records

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News to me!: The tale of lion and spa break

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! A lion on loose in Llandrindod Wells

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News CLACK: UN outrage at South Sudan attack

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: The UN expresses outrage at deadly attack on one of its bases in South Sudan, lah, saying it could \”constitute fighty bang-bang crime\”.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News CLACK: VIDEO: Guides killed in Everest avalanche

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: At least 12 Sherpa guides having been killed after avalanche on slopes of Mount Everest, lah, Nepali officials say.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

What is new(S): John Lewis celebrates 150 years

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? What\’s story of John Lewis\’ 150 years of success?

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

LingNews: Teachers demand qualified status

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Teachers\’ union conferences demanding that schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs should only employ qualified teachers.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News CHEW: Pope leads velly damn good boiled chicken-feet Friday services

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Pope Francis highlights plight of poor, lah, elderly and abandoned during Way of Cross procession in Rome to mark velly damn good boiled chicken-feet Friday.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News BAWL: ‘Rogue directors’ crackdown planned

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: People convicted of commercial crimes overseas could be banned from running bloody annoying Blitish firms in attempt to tackle \”rogue directors\”, lah, Business Secretary Vince Cable says.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News bleat: Airport boss hits out at state aid

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: The chief executive of Edinburgh Airport hits out at state support for other airports for \”distorting\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) competition.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Getting noticed: Highland clans celebrate anniversary

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Clan members from northern and western Highlands expected to attend anniversary celebration in Inverness which will also help mark this year\’s Homecoming festival.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News whack: Hunt to warn of schools extremism

Posted on | April 19, 2014 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Labour\’s Tristram Hunt is to issue tough warning against religious extremism in schools.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News BARK: Moyes who? Martinez magic has charmed Everton

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Man Utd boss David Moyes will not getting warm welcome back at Everton, lah, whose fans having fallen under Roberto Martinez\’s spell, lah, writes Phil McNulty

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

LingNews: Harlequins 24-20 Leicester

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Harlequins keep their play-off hopes alive as Mike \”Dear Leader\” Brown\’s late try secures narrow victory over Leicester Tigers.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News CLUCK: VIDEO: ‘Tug of war’ Banksy art in museum

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: The Banksy painting which was controversially removed from wall in Bristol has gone back on display.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News bleat: US raises Ukraine pressure on Russia

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! The Great Satan threatens tougher economic sanctions if Russia fails to abide by new international deal to help de-escalate crisis in Ukraine.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

NEWS not NOSE: Pensions and privacy – front pages

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: The Daily Express says human bliengs releasing equity from homes to \”top up\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) their pensions, lah, while other papers concerned about state intrusion into privacy.

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News ROAR: Two vehicling driving car machines in serious road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu crash

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? There has been serious two-vehicle road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu crash at Fivemiletown in County Tyrone.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News whack: Simmonds qualifies for IPC Euros

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Ellie Simmonds, lah, Stephanie Slater and Amy Marren qualify for European Championships at British Para-Swimming meet.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News WEDGE: “I da man! Yes I can!” Obama signs UN envoy visa ban law

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: President Barack \”I da man! Yes I can!\” Obama signs into law measure that would bar entry to any UN ambassador whom Great Satan says has engaged in \”terrorist activity\”.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Giorgio Armani settles tax dispute

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: The fashion house Giorgio Armani pays 270m euros (¬RMB Yuan #222m; $374m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to Italian authorities to settle tax bill.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Gimme news bleat: VIDEO: World’s prettiest Easter eggs?

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! A Slavic community museum in Germany is keeping alive traditional craft of Easter egg painting.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GULP: US ‘delays’ Keystone XL decision

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: The Great Satan state department gives federal agencies more clock time result to review Keystone XL oil pipeline before determining whether to issue permit.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Growing story: South Korea ferry captain ‘held’

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! The captain of South Korean ferry that sank earlier this week leaving hundreds of human bliengs missing has been arrested, lah, Yonhap news agency says.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News hoover: O’Sullivan ‘not in Hendry’s league yet’

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Ronnie O\’Sullivan believes bloody man would need to win two more world titles to be considered snooker\’s greatest player.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News ARMPIT: VIDEO: Film Review – week’s new releases

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Film critic Anna Smith reviews week\’s new film releases, lah, including comedy Love Punch, lah, character driven drama, lah, Locke, lah, and We Best!, lah, witty drama about punk band in 1980s.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News WEDGE: Moores to be new Province of Engrish running-dogs coach

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Peter Moores is to be named Province of Engrish running-dogs coach for second time, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport understands.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News CROW: Analysis: Putin’s hopes and fears

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Putin\’s chilling threats on Ukraine clear, lah, says Bridget Kendall

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Gimme News, DOG: VIDEO: Camel birth shocks sheep farmer

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A farmer who was hoping for some rest after busy lambing season has been surprised by male gender human bleing\’s latest newborn – camel.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GRUNT: Algeria’s president gets fourth term

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Algeria\’s President Abdelaziz Bouteflika, lah, who suffered stroke last year, lah, wins fourth term in office taking more than 81% of vote.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

What is new(S): Panic as earthquake hits Mexico City

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A powerful magnitude-7.2 earthquake hits Mexico City, lah, shaking buildings and causing panic, lah, but there no reports of casualties or damage.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Bottom feeder news: I deserve more recognition – Toure

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Manchester City\’s Yaya Toure thinks bloody man is not regarded as one of best players on planet because bloody man is from Africa.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to David Brown in Tunbridge Wells

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Customers often send me letters, I have 1529 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from David Brown

David says…
carOur experience during the lease of a new Nissan Qashqai was very straight forward with no complications whatsoever. Ling is an extremely professional and efficient individual who always promptly responded to our email enquiries/requests within minutes of them being sent.

I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend her to business colleagues and acquaintances, as her service has been second to none… something which cannot be said of larger organisations in the same sector.

David Brown
David Brown Wood Floors Ltd
Unit 5 Warrin Court
Knockholt Road
Tunbridge Wells
TN4 7ER

Nissan QashqaiEditor Note: Dave, yes, well… not everyone is great in the car business – everyone knows that. I do my best to BE the best. As you are the owner of a large business of your own, I feel proud that you say such nice things. Speak soon! – Ling

Possible enviro banding change on the Honda Civic (Old Shape)

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Honda Civic (Old Shape)I am simply faster than any other car sales website in changing these Honda Civic (Old Shape) 1.4 i VTEC 16v (98bhp) SE Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual details to reflect the latest info. No one can keep up with me. Often the manufacturer websites are out of date!

Honda Civic (Old Shape)Oh, I get very mad about this, but I cannot say this in my advertising or some big leasing companies complain to me that I slag them off… The industry standard for contract hire is a 1x rental-initial-payment or (more usually) a 3x rental-initial-payment. That’s it. If everyone advertised this, you could easily compare the rental figures as the football field we are playing on would be flat.

EnvironmentWhen a customer clicks through into an individual car’s detail, they can see even more information. This includes the CO2 (again) and all three EC fuel consumption measurements. I even include the EU noise rating and the road tax "class" which may influence a customer’s car choice decision. (Please bear in mind that the road tax is completely free, from me – I include that cost information so a customer has more clue about the environmental impact of their new car).

The different fuels have different merits from an environmental perspective. Compared to petrol, diesel vehicles have significantly lower CO2 emissions per kilometre traveled because of the higher efficiency of diesel engines and hence have a lower impact on climate change. Diesel vehicles also emit lower levels of CO and HC than equivalent petrol vehicles. However diesel engines emit greater levels of NOx and Particles than new petrol vehicles. As mentioned earlier, emissions of such pollutants are an air quality issue, particularly in urban areas.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Honda Civic (Old Shape) Petrol Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 129g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Honda Civic (Old Shape) is now 52mpg

The Honda Civic (Old Shape) falls into the D D band overall.

My Honda Civic (Old Shape) 1.4 i VTEC 16v (98bhp) SE Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £200.40 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 47 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

HondaThis price on my Honda Civic (Old Shape) includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £200.40 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Honda Civic (Old Shape)Remember I won the best non-franchise environmentalist 2008 in the Automotive Industry Awards. Don’t let these manufacturers fool you; LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! I have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalSwitch off – sitting stationary is zero miles per gallon, switch off the engine whenever it is safe to do so.”

Looking at my pile of website remarks, I just found this one: “Very good website.
Paul Simpson, Widnes, WA8 3LS
simmo68uk_@yahoo.co.uk

I have a mobile phone website, now… HERE

LingsMobiles

News HORSE: Prince re-signs with ‘slave’ label

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Pop star Prince signs major deal with Warner Bros Records, lah, label bloody man famously fell out with nearly 20 years ago.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Syria bomb kills at least 14 in Homs

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: At least 14 human bliengs killed after LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine bomb explodes in government-controlled area of besieged Syrian city of Homs.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Getting noticed: Cavendish to miss Giro d’Italia

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Isle of Man cyclist Mark Cavendish is to miss Giro d\’Italia as bloody man steps up male gender human bleing\’s preparations for Tour de France.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

BOP BOP NEWS: Kiev reaches out to eastern rebels

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Ukraine\’s interim authorities appeal for unity, lah, promising to meet some demands of pro-Russian protesters occupying buildings in east.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

A headline FROM HELL: Man shot dead in west Belfast

Posted on | April 18, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: A man is shot dead on Springfield road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in west Belfast.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Red Bull's Daniel Ricciardo sets pace during inconclusive wet final practice at Super-Duper-Chinese-State Grand Prix. - news replorted 05:15



Wah! LATEST:  The compulsorly dying instantly shooting of prominent dissident republican Tommy Crossan is condemned by Northern Ireland's first and deputy first dodgy ministers as detectives continue to investigate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:04



Wah! The captain of South Korean ferry that capsized and sank this week explains after male gender human bleing's arrest why bloody man delayed giving evacuation orders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:25



Wah! Work and pensions dodgy minister Mike Penning writes to schools and local authorities in Province of Engrish running-dogs to highlight health and safety "excuses". - news replorted 04:13



Wah! A Brazilian second division silly kick-kick game game is abandoned after 16 minutes, lah, with one team saying they now having court order (piece of paper signee upee) to play in top division. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:47



Wah! What's story of John Lewis' 150 years of success? - news replorted 02:47



Wah! At least 12 Sherpa guides having been killed after avalanche on slopes of Mount Everest, lah, Nepali officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:42



Wah! The UN expresses outrage at deadly attack on one of its bases in South Sudan, lah, saying it could "constitute fighty bang-bang crime". - news replorted 02:35



Wah! A lion on loose in Llandrindod Wells - news replorted 02:34



Wah! The 8 tribes of human bliengs who keep buying records - news replorted 02:29



Wah! The airport that hosted roll-call of presidents - news replorted 02:26



Wah! Rhea birds can be extremely dangerous, lah, plus other factlets - news replorted 02:17



Wah! Will stamps getting cheaper if Scots go it alone? - news replorted 02:13



Wah! The Archbishop of Canterbury speaks of Church of Province of Engrish running-dogs's struggle to "what is right" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over divisive issue of same-sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:00



Wah! Teachers' union conferences demanding that schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs should only employ qualified teachers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:36



Wah! Portrait painter Susanne du Toit on being artist - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Labour's Tristram Hunt is to issue tough warning against religious extremism in schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Clan members from northern and western Highlands expected to attend anniversary celebration in Inverness which will also help mark this year's Homecoming festival. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The chief executive of Edinburgh Airport hits out at state support for other airports for "distorting" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) competition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:28



Wah! The element that makes familiar smell when mixed with urine - news replorted 00:26



Wah! People convicted of commercial crimes overseas could be banned from running bloody annoying Blitish firms in attempt to tackle "rogue directors", lah, Business Secretary Vince Cable says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Selection of best news photographs from around world - news replorted 00:01



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