Bmw 3-series Saloon Lease delivered to Paul Stevens in Twyford
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Paul Stevens replied with a letter back to me about the Bmw 3-series Saloon that was delivered, new. Here it is:
Paul says…
LINGsCARS made the process of arranging my new company car fun and the LINGO system kept me up to date with the status of my BMW application at all times. Good delivery, prompt as promised.
Paul Stevens
Av Consortium Limited Trading As Forward Vision Solutions
156 London Road
Ruscombe
Twyford
RG10 9HJ
Editor Note: Wow, I haven’t done many BMWs this year, but I found you a great deal on your new 3-series, Paul. Go and have some fun in it, I hope you have a great 3-years at the wheel. Nice cars, I had a BMW 3-series, 2-years ago and enjoyed it immensely. Great to help you out. – Ling
Toxic gases on the Honda Jazz
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
The impact of CO2 is important. I always compare my figures with the Government data, so when it changes, like on this Honda Jazz Petrol Manual, I note it here in my blog.
Have you ever rented a self-drive car for a day or a week? Well, Contract Hire is exactly the same, just for a longer period. Easy, isn’t it? It’s available for businesses or for private individuals. You may have seen me turning down investment on Dragon’s Den! Read on to understand how it works. Occasionally, I can supply PCP, leasing and lease hire (but not often). If you’re reading this because you are unsure if you should use LINGsCARS.com, have a look at my 900+ customer letters.
I also took the decision to code into HTML and make available for printing the "Comparative Labels" or the "fridge" type labels you see at Comet and Curry’s on new fridges and washing machines. No other UK website bothers (or wants) to give their customers this information. One day they will be forced to do this. I have made my code freely available for any dealer who wants to use it, and published a tutorial on how to include this in their websites. This was published on the Automotive Management forum on 26th October 2006. To date, no dealer has contacted me to use my code.
Hybrid vehicles combine an internal combustion engine with an electric motor and battery. There are various ways in which hybrid vehicles can operate. For example the electric motor can be used to provide additional power during acceleration and high load conditions. The battery can then be recharged by the internal combustion engine or from energy absorbed during braking, or, in some cases, from an external electrical supply. Hybrid vehicles offer reduced fuel consumption and CO2 with potentially some reduction in emissions of local pollutants.
Working it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 128g/km for the Honda Jazz Petrol Manual. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Honda Jazz is now 52mpg
The Honda Jazz falls into the 
D band overall.
My Honda Jazz 1.4 i-VTEC (98bhp) ES Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £226.14 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Honda Jazz includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £226.14 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
The comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “
Use higher gears, as soon as traffic conditions allow.”
Read this website comment. I really try my best! (email address altered) “What a great site – I didn’t know that leasing a car could actually be funny. If I buy a car, can I pay in Yuan?
Noel Ryan, St Neots, PE19 1NP
noel_ryan_@tiscali.co.uk
Using a mobile phone is better than driving. You can buy the cheapest mobile deal HERE.
Not about cars: Balls criticises Bulger comments
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Children’s Secretary Ed Balls criticises children’s commissioner for “ill advised” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about James Bulger’s killers.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
News CLUCK: Call for children fitness tests
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Fitness tests should be introduced for children in secondary schools to help make human bliengs more active, lah, chief medical officer for Province of Engrish running-dogs says.
More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.
News and more: Virgin Atlantic creates 200 jobs
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Breaking Chinglish news! Virgin Atlantic is creating 200 jobs with opening of new clustomler service (???) I wan’ service , I wan’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service centre.
Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Harley-davidson Softail Lease delivered to David Goodman in Aldershot
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
Customers often send me letters, I have 1497 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from David Goodman
David says…
When I first discovered I was having a midlife crisis and therefore needed a Harley Davidson Fatboy, a quick search on Google brought LingsCars.com to the top of the page. As I‘d seen the famous episode of Dragons Den, I knew that the experience would be …different‘ from many other leasing companies I‘ve used in the past.
Every step of the process was a pleasure and the superb …Lingo‘ secure chat area was easy to use. I was always excited to get a new message or update and I never had to ’do the chasing“ as with all the others. All in all, Ling and her team were a pleasure to deal with and I cannot recommend them enough.
******* Harley Davidson were very helpful and did not let down the hard work of Ling, excellent delivery.
David Goodman
Swiftest Aldershot Ltd
17 Blackwater Way
Aldershot
GU12 4DN
Editor Note: You were a funny onion, you even forced me to hide the delivery of the bike from your wife who still does not know you have it. It had to be delivered when she was not at your business. So funny. Hope she does not read this, or a divorce will be on the cards. What a lovely nutter you were, Dave. If anyone needs an MOT, in Aldershot, visit Fatboy Dave. He will pass any old banger, if you threaten to grass him to his wife! 
– Ling
My Skoda Octavia vRS is more economical now?
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Don’t spend so much on fuel! If you get a new Skoda Octavia vRS Diesel 2.0 TDI CR 16v (170bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Manual, then you will spend less because the CO2 value has changed. That means more MPG.
Personal Contract Hire is exactly the same as contract hire for businesses. This is the beauty of getting a car like this, as you benefit from FLEET BONUSES! However, VAT makes a difference. Businesses get the rentals shown ex-VAT (they can often reclaim half of it), whereas private purchasers have it included in the rentals.
If showroom-based car dealers fail to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, it renders them liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. This is why dealers miraculously acheive these "minimum standards" – under threat of a £5,000 fine!
In 1993 exhaust emission limits, (generally referred to as the Euro 1 standards) were introduced for new cars which resulted in the adoption of advanced emission control techniques, e.g. catalysts. More stringent emission limits came into effect in 1997 (Euro 2) and 2001 (Euro 3) and 1st January 2005 (Euro 4). Euro 4 came fully into force on 1st January 2007 and now covers most new cars on sale.
I am pleased to say that the CO2 for the Skoda Octavia vRS Diesel Manual is now 150g/km. If you chose a different trim level, the CO2 would change, but not by much. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Skoda Octavia vRS is now 49mpg
The Skoda Octavia vRS falls into the 
F band overall.
My Skoda Octavia vRS 2.0 TDI CR 16v (170bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £287.86 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Skoda Octavia vRS includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £287.86 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
One of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “
Plan ahead – choose uncongested routes, combine trips, car share.”
I have so many of these website comments, they are overflowing on my desk! “I think it’s a very clever way of getting people to visit your excellent site and am truly in stitches! Hope the business goes well and well done on an excellent site!
Tom Yates, Manchester, M20 2LW
tom_@orchardhosting.com
If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE
Toyota Corolla Verso Lease delivered to Stephen Rose in Wakefield
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
New cars are like new toys to most of my customers. They get really excited. Just like Stephen Rose. I delivered this Toyota Corolla Verso to Wakefield then I got this very nice letter back…
Stephen says…
Many thanks, Ling. The Toyota Verso was delivered on time and was everything I expected (I TELL you Verso is good car! – Ling). A personal service for a one car personal contract hire – prompt to respond to email and phone questions; excellent! The supplying dealer was very professional. Many thanks Ling.
Stephen Rose
1 Buckthorne Court
East Ardsley
Wakefield
WF3 2DD
Editor Note: Ah, my husband was born in Wakefield! I have visited many times. Another Corolla Verso! These becoming VERY popular cars, but still under radar – Ling
Emission figures on the Kia Sportage
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Checking against the values I publish for the Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDi (138bhp) XE 2WD Station Wagon 5dr 1991cc Diesel Manual, I have noticed a small error, so I’m publishing these new figures today. Please read.
Many large organisations such as CD Bramall, Perrys, Lombard, Lex, Pendragon, Network, BMW Finance, Citroen Finance, and Renault UK and many other suppliers queue up to make their cars available to me at LINGsCARS.com because they know they will benefit from a supply of ready and waiting quality customers, fast sales and efficient communications.
On new cars for example, average CO2 has been cut by more than 10 per cent in six years. Improvements at manufacturing sites have been more significant. Published in September, the SMMT’s seventh annual sustainability report showed that average energy used – and CO2 emitted – to produce each vehicle in the UK has been halved in just four years.
The external noise emitted by passenger cars has been controlled since 1929 when the Motor Cars (Excessive Noise) regulations were introduced. New cars are now required to meet Europe-wide noise limits. These have been progressively reduced from 82 decibels (dB(A)) in 1978 to the current limit of 74 dB(A) established in 1996. This means it would take 7 new vehicles to make the same amount of noise as a vehicle that just meets the pre-1978 limits.
The CO2 for this Kia Sportage Diesel Manual is better than it was, at just 184g/km. It is a bit different if you look at a slightly different trim level. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Kia Sportage is now 40mpg
The Kia Sportage falls into the 
I band overall.
My Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDi (138bhp) XE 2WD Station Wagon 5dr 1991cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £270.24 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Kia Sportage includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £270.24 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
Sir Nicholas Stern, Head of the Government Economics Service, produced the UK Government Environmental Report on the Economics of Climate Change. I was so pleased to win an Environmental Award in 2008, myself. I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure. It is probably the case that my customers have the smallest environmental footprints of any new car customers in the UK!
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “
Do not compromise safety but be aware that the use of onboard electrical devices increases fuel consumption.”
Look at this comment. It is not just me who is a mentalist. “Mad as a Frog Eyed Sprite!
Nick Cater, Langport, TA10 0DL
winningentry_@hotmail.com
Don’t buy a mobile until you have checked out LINGsMOBILES.com. Loads of cheap phones, there.
News ARMPIT: Darfur rebel row jeopardises deal
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Here’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: A deadline for Darfur rebels and Sudan’s government to finalise peace deal is unlikely to be met, lah, amid rebel split.
Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Being Twittered: Four arrested in murder inquiry
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? old bill bobbys make four arrests after body of 46-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man was discovered at male gender human bleing’s home in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep valleys on Friday.
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
News ROAR: Street star out of Dancing on Ice
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: Coronation Street actor Danny Young is voted off ITV1’s Dancing on Ice following costly mistake in skate-off.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
News ROAR: Pledge on green energy ambitions
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: The environment dodgy minister is expected to claim (always claiming, huh?) Welsh land of sheep and more sheep has potential to produce twice its renewable energy needs in future.
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
NEWS EXPLOIT: David Miliband in China for talks
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: The bloody annoying Blitish Bloody foreign Secretary David Miliband is in China to hold discussions with country’s political leaders.
More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.
Newsy TRICKLE: Two to face explosives charges
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Read the news in Chinglish: Two men in their 20s due to appear in court in Newry later charged with possessing explosives. Eating rice!!
Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!
News breaker: China buying Argentine oil stake
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: China National Offshore Oil Corporation is paying $3.1bn for 50% stake in Argentine oil and gas group Bridas Corporation.
Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Gimme News, DOG: BA strike flights to be revealed
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Chinglish news event: British Airways will announce which flights will be cancelled because of strike planned for next weekend.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
Newsy newsy: Whale of crime?
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Greens can’t getting Japan to blubber for dead whales
Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!
News breaker: In pictures
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Best in Show finale brings Crufts Dog Show to close
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
Newsy TRICKLE: Sleep lessons could cheer up grumpy teenagers say experts
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: Pupils at four schools in Glasgow being given lessons in how to sleep.
Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!
News ROAR: Thai protesters monthly number-three on barracks
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Thousands of Thai anti-government protesters monthly number-three on barracks where Prime dodgy minister Abhisit Vejjajiva is staying.
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
News CLACK: Students die in India bus crash
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: At least 26 students killed and dozens hurt when bus plunges into river in India’s northern state of Rajasthan.
Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!
Not about cars: Live – Bangladesh v Province of Engrish running-dogs
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Ian Bell and Matt Prior resume for Province of Engrish running-dogs as tourists move towards declaration on day four of first Test against Bangladesh.
Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!
News swallow: MPs criticise equalities chairman
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Can you understand Chinglish news? A parliamentary committee raise concerns over leadership of bloody annoying Blitish equalities chief Trevor Phillips and questions male gender human bleing’s reappointment.
Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!
News RAT: UN boss reassures Haiti victims
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Ban Ki-moon tells Haiti world will continue to support them as they recover from devastating earthquake.
More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.
NEWS ACCIDENT: Mission: Impossible actor dies
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Peter Graves – star of TV series Mission: Impossible and Airplane films – dies in Los Angeles, lah, aged 83.
Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!
News WEDGE: No quick fix for diabetes risk
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Exercise and diet key to prevent diabetes in high-risk people, lah, say researchers who found two drug treatments offer no benefit.
Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!
NEWS EXPLOIT: New deal for rape victims urged
Posted on | March 15, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: Rape victims should having specialist adviser to support them after attack, lah, major review recommends.
Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Growing news: Yogi Hungarian Vizla wins Best in Show at Crufts
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Here’s some Chinglish news: A Hungarian Vizsla named Yogi wins Best In Show at Crufts, lah, at end of four-day show in Birmingham.
Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Gimme news bleat: Avalanche hits snowmobile rally
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Get your Chinlish news update here: An avalanche hits unauthorised snowmobile rally in Canada, lah, killing at least two human bliengs and triggering search.
More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.
Helping the news: Tinie Tempah holds onto top spot
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Chinglish news event: Rapper Tinie Tempah holds onto number one spot for second week while Boyzone pip Gorillaz to top slot of album chart. Pass chopsticks!!
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
News TRICKLE: US fury at Mexico consular deaths
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: Three human bliengs connected to Great Satan consulate in Mexican city of Ciudad Juarez having been killed, lah, White House says.
Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!
Mazda Mx-5 Lease delivered to Dan Doughty in Chorley
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Dan Doughty in Chorley. Bloody cat!
Dan says…
“Great car, great price and great service. Plus, a fun company to deal with. Had a bit of a misuderstanding with Jon over Xmas deliver schedules but other than that it all went through seamlessly. Car turned up on time, no problems.”
Dan Doughty
16 Spring Mews
Whittle Springs
Chorley
PR6 8AS
Editor Note: Dan, hmmm, it wasn’t a misunderstanding, just that you did not jump fast enough. Only so much time before Xmas to deliver cars and opportunities to deliver disappear at a machine-gun rate. Sorry about that. Never mind, it meant you can enjoy the booze over Christmas. As an aerospace engineer, I hope you sobered up before you went back to screwing the Eurofighters back together! – Ling
News ingurgitate: Sunderland 1-1 Man City
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Adam Johnson’s injury-time equaliser salvaged vital point for Manchester City in their bid to finish fourth in Premier League.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
Fuel economy and CO2 change on my Honda Jazz
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
All the people with orders in my system for the Honda Jazz 1.4 i-VTEC (98bhp) ES Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual will be quite pleased by this news. I am making a change, because the environment stuff seems to have moved slightly.
Sometimes you must resign yourself to fact that dealer will look after a retail customer first. Your delivery might be slightly delayed because they are fussing over a damn retail customer (paying £1000’s more than you), and you have to learn to relax. Most times these delays never happen, but sometimes they do, so I’m just preparing your brain and giving you tip.
Martin Callanan (Euro MP for the North East Region) said "Ling and her unique website LINGsCARS.com displays environmental information in a way that leads the UK motor industry. Following my discussions with her about greening the business, Ling has grasped the environmental nettle and is giving UK car buyers comprehensive environmental data on all new cars for sale in the UK to enable them to make an informed choice. LINGsCARS gives a fantastic amount of green information on her new cars, which the rest of the UK motor industry would do well to emulate. Using the internet is already the most energy efficient way of researching and buying a new car, so well done Ling for taking the personal responsibility to push this carbon data to the top of her agenda and to push environmental awareness a big step further"
Dealers are also required to display a poster – in paper or as an electronic display, in a prominent position, showing the fuel consumption and CO2 emissions for all new passenger car models displayed, or offered for sale through that particular showroom. In addition to the above, the directive also requires manufacturers to include fuel consumption and CO2 emissions data in all brochures and printed advertisements, provided that the literature relates to a specific model of car. These requirements were implemented into UK law by The Passenger Car (Fuel Consumption and CO2 emissions Information) Regulations 2001, which came into force on the 21st of November 2001.
I am pleased to say that the CO2 for the Honda Jazz Petrol Manual is now 128g/km. If you chose a different trim level, the CO2 would change, but not by much. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Honda Jazz is now 52mpg
The Honda Jazz falls into the D band overall.
My Honda Jazz 1.4 i-VTEC (98bhp) ES Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £226.14 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Honda Jazz includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £226.14 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
The comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “Check your fuel consumption – it will help you get the most from the car, changes in overall fuel consumption may indicate a fault.”
Here is a comment about my website (I have disguised the email address) “Hello Ling, I found your site one of the most interesting and funny on the web. What a great concept, if only there were more people like you! Why don’t you have a recipe of the month? Your quiz was too hard for me and your teeshirt is cool.
Mary Nowell, East Kilbride, G75 8EQ
marynowell1_@hotmail.com
Click HERE if you need a new phone. I can now supply mobiles.
Honda Civic Type-r Lease delivered to Craig Lawrence in Falkirk
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Craig Lawrence replied with a letter back to me about the Honda Civic Type-r that was delivered, new. Here it is:
Craig says…
LINGsCARS is a brilliant business. It allows me, as a young professional to have the car I want without the cost of repairs and a car that depreciates in value. Ling was lovely to deal with, speedy responses and a good fun attitude. I am a very happy customer. Excellent delivery, friendly driver, couldn’t fault anything.
Craig Lawrence
23 Conner Avenue
Carron
Falkirk
FK2 7FS
Editor Note: Super duper letter, Craig! Thanks so much. You forgot to mention that as a Scottish ethnic you are tight in the money department, so I am sure you appreciated the fast car for slow money! Happy, happy! Your only challenge is insurance cost, but as car was as cheap as deep fried Mars bar, you have plenty of cash left for that. – Ling
Change on the Kia Sportage
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Everyone moans that things go up and up and up. Well, the CO2 on the Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDi (138bhp) XE 2WD Station Wagon 5dr 1991cc Diesel Manual has just come down! What a result! This post is to let you know.
How to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You know, you are not buying this car. Only renting it for (probably 1 or 2 or 3 years). So you are not stuck with it forever. So, you have no real risk. You are going to pay someone some money to run a car however you look at it.
I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure that 99% of UK franchised car dealers refuse to go beyond (and hide behind, IMHO). So, I make sure that at-a-glance CO2, fuel economy and the coloured "greeness indicator bars" are displayed clearly on my homepage car listings for easy comparison purposes.
EU Directive 1999/94/EC requires new car fuel consumption and CO2 emissions data to be made freely available to consumers. Car dealers are required to have a label showing the fuel consumption and CO2 emissions of each different model on display, either on or near the vehicle. Fuel consumption figures will be expressed both in litres per 100 kilometres (l/100 km) and in miles per gallon (mpg). The label will list the figures achieved in urban, extra-urban and combined conditions separately. From September of 2005, dealers had the option to produce a new "comparative" label. The new label shows the mandatory Fuel Consumption and CO2 figures mentioned previously, alongside information about the appropriate VED band for the vehicle. The new label is similar in design to the energy efficiency labels that appear on many ‘white goods’, such as fridge freezers
For this brand new Kia Sportage Diesel Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 184g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Kia Sportage is now 40mpg
The Kia Sportage falls into the I band overall.
My Kia Sportage 2.0 CRDi (138bhp) XE 2WD Station Wagon 5dr 1991cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £270.24 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Kia Sportage includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £270.24 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
Sir Nicholas Stern, Head of the Government Economics Service, produced the UK Government Environmental Report on the Economics of Climate Change. I was so pleased to win an Environmental Award in 2008, myself. I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure. It is probably the case that my customers have the smallest environmental footprints of any new car customers in the UK!
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “
Slow down – driving at high speeds significantly increases fuel consumption.”
I get tired of typing out these comments, but… here’s one. “Very original site! I am very impressed! I’ve put the site on my favorites list
Matt Lucy, Leeds, LS20 9DT
matthewluty_@hotmail.com
Mobile phones are cheap alternatives to a car. Click HERE to visit my phone site.
News from Ling: Meadows settles for Doha silver
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
News Chinglified from Ling: Jenny Meadows is pipped in final straight to take 800m silver – Britain’s third medal at World Indoor Championships.
Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!
Being Twittered: In pictures
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Get your Chinlish news update here: Bikers roar their appreciation of Wootton Bassett
Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com
NEWS EXPLOIT: Selection row Membling Partiamentary expense cheater fights concerns
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: A Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater caught up in reselection arglingument is fighting claim (always claiming, huh?) from local party members bloody woman is not up to job.
Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!
Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Derek Wibberley in Oldham
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Derek Wibberley in Oldham. Bloody cat!
Derek says…
Hi Ling, just to say what a fantastic service you offer – simple, friendly, relaxed, punctual and polite. Got to admit, it put a smile on my face dealing with you. Keep up the good work! Excellent delivery, first class service
Derek Wibberley
Manor Farm Cottage
55 Constantine Street
Oldham
OL4 3HE
Editor Note: Having a smile on the faces of my customers is my simple goal, Derek. If you are happy, I am happy. Simple! Enjoy the Qashqai! – Ling
Green info has changed on the Honda Jazz
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
CO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The Honda Jazz 1.4 i-VTEC (98bhp) ES Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.
At the end of the contract, the car is collected from you and you have no further obligations. You do not buy the car, nor do you have a "balloon" payment. Simply give it back! Of course, the car should be fair and reasonable condition commensurate with its age and mileage. If it’s not, you’ll be charged for any damage. But to me that’s common sense.
On new cars for example, average CO2 has been cut by more than 10 per cent in six years. Improvements at manufacturing sites have been more significant. Published in September, the SMMT’s seventh annual sustainability report showed that average energy used – and CO2 emitted – to produce each vehicle in the UK has been halved in just four years.
Dealers are also required to display a poster – in paper or as an electronic display, in a prominent position, showing the fuel consumption and CO2 emissions for all new passenger car models displayed, or offered for sale through that particular showroom. In addition to the above, the directive also requires manufacturers to include fuel consumption and CO2 emissions data in all brochures and printed advertisements, provided that the literature relates to a specific model of car. These requirements were implemented into UK law by The Passenger Car (Fuel Consumption and CO2 emissions Information) Regulations 2001, which came into force on the 21st of November 2001.
The CO2 for this Honda Jazz Petrol Manual is better than it was, at just 128g/km. It is a bit different if you look at a slightly different trim level. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Honda Jazz is now 52mpg
The Honda Jazz falls into the D band overall.
My Honda Jazz 1.4 i-VTEC (98bhp) ES Hatchback 5dr 1339cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £226.14 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Honda Jazz includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £226.14 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
Sir Nicholas Stern, Head of the Government Economics Service, produced the UK Government Environmental Report on the Economics of Climate Change. I was so pleased to win an Environmental Award in 2008, myself. I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure. It is probably the case that my customers have the smallest environmental footprints of any new car customers in the UK!
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “Lose weight – don’t carry unnecessary weight, remove roof racks when not in use.”
A lot of people write comments. I get them all the time. This is one of the silliest: “I think that this is a great site. You got some cool crazy humour and jokes which had me rolling on the floor with laughter.
Tabassum Kadiri, Leicester, LE4 7NL
angel4eva25_@hotmail.com
I have a mobile phone website, now… HERE
Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Catherine Johnston in Gloucester
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Visit my full letters page click here
I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Catherine Johnston explains how they are getting on with their Nissan Qashqai
Catherine says…I‘m loving my Nissan Qashqai Ling – but that I could get anywhere. What is in short supply nowadays is good customer service and you provide that by the bucket load. Your efficient, humorous service is rare but oh so welcome and you made the whole process of leasing a car totally stress free. You certainly have the X Factor Ling – X-cellent, X-ceptional and X-traordinarily crazy!
Great delivery, car arrived when they said it would in perfect condition by a friendly driver.
Catherine Johnston
Imperial Marketing
12 Popes Meade
Highnam
Gloucester
GL2 8LH
Editor Note: I’m X-tremely pleased with your letter, Catherine! You have a dead cheap Nissan Qashqai, and you were very nice to deal with, you made me laugh! Talk in a few years! – Ling
Pollutant levels on my Skoda Octavia vRS
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
If you are interested in CO2 stuff, then read this. I have a new figure for the Skoda Octavia vRS 2.0 TDI CR 16v (170bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual and I am updating it on my website now.
Physical stock is always limited, as cars cannot be made to appear by magic, there are only so many sat in corner of field. So be brave, grab a bargain and avoid me having to make phone calls to disappointed people who have left decision too late. Remember that you have to pass finance before I can reserve you a car, so allow time for that!
Martin Callanan (Euro MP for the North East Region) said "Ling and her unique website LINGsCARS.com displays environmental information in a way that leads the UK motor industry. Following my discussions with her about greening the business, Ling has grasped the environmental nettle and is giving UK car buyers comprehensive environmental data on all new cars for sale in the UK to enable them to make an informed choice. LINGsCARS gives a fantastic amount of green information on her new cars, which the rest of the UK motor industry would do well to emulate. Using the internet is already the most energy efficient way of researching and buying a new car, so well done Ling for taking the personal responsibility to push this carbon data to the top of her agenda and to push environmental awareness a big step further"
Hybrid vehicles combine an internal combustion engine with an electric motor and battery. There are various ways in which hybrid vehicles can operate. For example the electric motor can be used to provide additional power during acceleration and high load conditions. The battery can then be recharged by the internal combustion engine or from energy absorbed during braking, or, in some cases, from an external electrical supply. Hybrid vehicles offer reduced fuel consumption and CO2 with potentially some reduction in emissions of local pollutants.
I have taken a typical model of this car from my website – the Skoda Octavia vRS Diesel Manual. For this car, the CO2 is now just 150g/km. Other trim levels might differ slightly. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Skoda Octavia vRS is now 49mpg
The Skoda Octavia vRS falls into the F band overall.
My Skoda Octavia vRS 2.0 TDI CR 16v (170bhp) Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £287.86 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).
This price on my Skoda Octavia vRS includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £287.86 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.
Remember I won the best non-franchise environmentalist 2008 in the Automotive Industry Awards. Don’t let these manufacturers fool you; LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! I have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997.
Here’s a patronising tip from the government: “
Switch off – sitting stationary is zero miles per gallon, switch off the engine whenever it is safe to do so.”
This comment is great: “Very original site! I am very impressed! I’ve put the site on my favorites list
Matt Lucy, Leeds, LS20 9DT
matthewluty_@hotmail.com
If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE
News breaker: Online favelas
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Benefits of web trickle down in Rio de Janeiro
50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!
Greetings from Ling: Live – Bahrain Grand Prix
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Breaking Chinglish news! Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel is in pole position for Bahrain Grand Prix, lah, with Felipe Massa and Fernando Alonso just behind.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
News NIBBLE: Vote tests French leader Sarkozy
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? France holds regional elections that expected to reflect disenchantment with President Sarkozy’s government.
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
News GUZZLE: Coal power station plan under way
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Breaking Chinglish news! The first stage of planning process to build coal plant with carbon capture technology in Ayrshire is to getting under way.
Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!
Gimme news bleat: BA strike is unjustified – Adonis
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Transport Secretary Lord Adonis attacks planned strike by British Airways cabin crew staff, lah, calling it “totally unjustified”.
More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.
News GUZZLE: US capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity regulation bill expected
Posted on | March 14, 2010 | Comments Off
Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? A new bill to tighten regulation of Great Satan banks is due to be unveiled on Monday, lah, but it may not gain Senate backing.
Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!
Recent Posts
- Bmw 3-series Saloon Lease delivered to Paul Stevens in Twyford
- Toxic gases on the Honda Jazz
- Not about cars: Balls criticises Bulger comments
- News CLUCK: Call for children fitness tests
- News and more: Virgin Atlantic creates 200 jobs
- Harley-davidson Softail Lease delivered to David Goodman in Aldershot
- My Skoda Octavia vRS is more economical now?
- Toyota Corolla Verso Lease delivered to Stephen Rose in Wakefield
- Emission figures on the Kia Sportage
- News ARMPIT: Darfur rebel row jeopardises deal
- Being Twittered: Four arrested in murder inquiry
- News ROAR: Street star out of Dancing on Ice
- News ROAR: Pledge on green energy ambitions
- NEWS EXPLOIT: David Miliband in China for talks
- Newsy TRICKLE: Two to face explosives charges
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About
I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website
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NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015
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Posted: 04/03/10
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Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE
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I am GAY ICON! WoW!
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Posted: 04/02/10
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How amazing! I have my first Civil Partnership couple, both applying a car EACH! That was two weeks ago; the sensible one has alre... READ MORE
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 I am the Viz UK business ambassador! Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum! |
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GET A QUOTE! Can't find a car? Want extras? Please don't ring with quote requests! I'm damn busy! Click QUOTE! - Ling |
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FREE delivery and collection is included with most cars! A driver will drop off and collect your new car! | |
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 | Crash tests! I take the trouble to show every crash test for my new cars, in the interests of customer health and safety! Click HERE - Ling |
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I now lease HARLEY-DAVIDSON superbikes! Motorbike leasing from just £127/mth for a Harley Sportster! |
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Read my customer letters! Click on your own NAME and read letters from customers called the same name ...hehe! | |
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Every brand new car has breakdown cover. This means no roadside repair bills for your contract hire car! | |
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| Citroen 2CV dance! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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All my contract hire cars come with the FULL manufacturer's warranty. So you'll have no repair bills! | |
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I now lease HARLEY-DAVIDSON superbikes! Motorbike leasing from just £127/mth for a Harley Sportster! |
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| Audi S4 & a dog! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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Ling's mantra. Power and cars to the people in the struggle against Tony Blair, petrol prices and repression! Click for statement. | |
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| Bouncy Jeep advert! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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To avoid working and waste some time, enjoy to watch my 10 top favourite funny-as-hell TV car adverts here - Ling |
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| Rude Radio! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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PLAY: Hang a Car Dealer! CLICK HERE! |
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| So many customers recommend so I pass on details of this cheap contract hire car insurance company... for all visitors! - Ling | ||
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 PLAY BOTTOM TRUMPS! |
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NEW FEATURE "There is no free lunch" - YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer! Click - Ling | |
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EXTRA CHEAP CARS HERE See 30 cheapest cars! |
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PLAY BOTTOM TRUMPS! |
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 ...don't do lease cars, but if they did, they would be done like this - Ling |
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JUST FOR FUN! I research and publish a full Chinese Car Guide. Full facts and figures! Interesting reading. Hope you enjoy! - Ling |
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PLAY BOTTOM TRUMPS! |
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EXTRA CHEAP CARS HERE See 30 cheapest cars! |
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| Crash tests! I take the trouble to show every crash test for my new cars, in the interests of customer health and safety! Click HERE - Ling |
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| Citroen 2CV dance! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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Ling's mantra. Power and cars to the people in the struggle against Tony Blair, petrol prices and repression! Click for statement. | |
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Read my customer letters! Click on your own NAME and read letters from customers called the same name ...hehe! | |
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THE BOSS!
LINGsCARS.com is owned and operated by Ling Valentine. I'm da boss! Any problems, you can call me, OK? |
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| Rude Radio! | ||
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| Ford Ka & a cat! | ||
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| Click to see my LIVE lease car customers! - Ling | ||
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| Road Safety! | ||
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Funny car leasing TV ads! |
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