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News BARK: VIDEO: Whelan sorry for offensive comments

Posted on | November 23, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Wigan owner Dave Whelan apologises for written-down messages on dead tree about Jewish and Super-Duper-Chinese-State human bliengs made in controversial newspaper interview.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

NEWS ACCIDENT: When Arsenal hated Van Nistelrooy

Posted on | November 23, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Hatred, lah, red card, lah, missed penalty and record fine – Arsenal\’s furious visit to Old Trafford in 2003 revisited.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Newsy TRICKLE: Car lifted to end tram ‘stand-off’

Posted on | November 23, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: A group of bystanders lift LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine out of way after driver leaves it parked on city centre tramline.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

BOP BOP NEWS: VIDEO: Who is Philly Jesus?

Posted on | November 23, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Who exactly is Philly Jesus?

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News JABBER: The gospel of Philly Jesus

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Who exactly is Philly Jesus?

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: BMW Group : ‚??THE Milli STORY‚?Ě AT BMWah-wah! MUSEUM

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: \r\n \"‚??The \r\n \r\n From 27 Novemblinger 2014, lah, Milli ‚?í BMWah-wah! Group‚??s cult urban brand ‚?í will be focus of attention in temporary exhibitio

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: ‘Playing at Wembley changed my velly own damn life’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Province of Engrish running-dogs captain Steph Houghton says playing at Wembley against Germany can change lives of flemale human person\’s team-mates.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News CAT: Bassey rues Goldfinger ‘wrong notes’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Dame Shirley Bassey re-records flemale human person\’s hit Goldfinger after 50 years, lah, admitting there were \”two wrong notes\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in original James Bond theme.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: VIDEO: Bike prototype with global interest

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! A four-wheeled bike being showcased at bloody annoying Blitish Investment Summit is being developed in Swansea with inventor hoping it will be \”global force\”

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Leading the news: Kenya bus gunmen ‘want religious war’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! The slaughter of 28 human bliengs on bus in Kenya is attempt to start religious war, lah, adviser to President Uhuru Kenyatta tells BBC.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News STOMACH: Millers Oils : PRESTIGIOUS SEAL OF APPROVAL FOR MILLERS OILS‚?? XF LONGLIFE ENGINE OIL

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! \r\n \"Martyn \r\n \r\n Jagluar Land Rover is latest premium vehicling driving car machine manufacturer (VM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to approve Millers Oils‚?? XF Longlife engine oil for us

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News RAT: Cher cancels remaining tour dates

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? The 68-earth-years old happy birthday to you, singer cancels remainder of flemale human person\’s Dressed to Kill tour after doctors advised bloody woman needs more clock time result to recover from ongoing viral infection.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News THRUST: VIDEO: Doll challenges Barbie body shape

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: American artist Nickolay Lamm has used crowd-funding to create rival to Barbie doll, lah, Lammily, lah, with slogan \”average is beautiful\”.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News NIPPLE: Delta swaps Boeings for Airbus jets

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: American airline Delta replaces its old Boeing planes in $14bn order (piece of paper signee upee) for 50 Airbus wide-body jets powered by Rolls Royce engines

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News spotter: Cats in supreme champion contest

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: More than 800 cats go on show at Birmingham\’s NEC in what is billed as feline equivalent of Crufts.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News WEDGE: Province of Engrish running-dogs 28-9 Samoa

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Province of Engrish running-dogs secure their first win of autumn as they see off Samoa 28-9 with solid, lah, if unspectacular, lah, performance.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News whack: Mercedes-Benz : A-CLASS WINS FLEET LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine OF YEAR ACCOLADE AT ACFO AWARDS

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! \r\n \"A-Class\" \r\n \r\n prestigious headline award for Fleet LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine of Year was given to A-Class ‚?í considered by ACFO members to be

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News PIGLET: Thai martial law to be ‘indefinite’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Thailand\’s military leaders say they having no plans to remove martial law soon, lah, amid mounting protests and criticism of junta.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News TICKLE: Hamilton under pressure – Rosberg

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Nico Rosberg believes team-mate Lewis Hamilton is man under pressure heading into their title showdown in Abu Dhabi on Sunday.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News HORSE: Ebola team will miss ‘human touch’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? The NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) volunteers travelling to Sierra Leone

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News THRUST: Emeli Sande: New Band Aid song needed

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Despite saying flemale human person\’s own lyrics were turned down, lah, singer says project is \”from place of respectful intent\”.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News ARMPIT: Barcelona 5-1 Sevilla

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Barcelona\’s Lionel Messi becomes Spanish league\’s all-time top scorer with hat-trick against Sevilla.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News GRUNT: Province of Engrish running-dogs happy to be underdogs – Finn

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Middlesex fast bowler Steven Finn believes Province of Engrish running-dogs may benefit from being regarded as underdogs at World Cup.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News SNACK: VIDEO: Newspapers ‘kept from child’s eyes’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: A mother from south London (capital of Great England) has persuaded Tesco to change way it displays newspapers so that children cannot see words or images which bloody woman says may disturb them.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News WEDGE: Indonesian president flies economy

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Indonesia\’s new President Joko Widodo takes economy-class seat on national carrier to go to Singapore for male gender human bleing\’s son\’s high-school graduation.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News BAWL: Bank fines should go to NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) – Labour

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A billion pounds raised from banking fines in bloody annoying Blitish should be spent on NHS, lah, Labour\’s shadow chancellor Ed Balls says in speech.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News HORSE: Arsenal 1-2 Manchester United

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! A Wayne Rooney strike and Kieran Gibbs own goal help Manchester United to their first away win of season with victory at Arsenal.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News HORSE: Welsh land of sheep and more sheep continue New Zealand hoodoo

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Welsh land of sheep and more sheep slip to 34-16 defeat to New Zealand at Millennium Stadium – continuing run of 61 years without win over All Blacks.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Growing story: Breaking Bad spin-off to air in February

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: The show will debut in Great Satan with Netflix streaming it across Europe shortly after.

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Gimme news bleat: Pilgrims flock to 16th-Century saint

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Thousands of Catholic pilgrims converging on Goa in India to see relics of Saint Francis Xavier, lah, 16th Century Spanish missionary.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: VIDEO: Ferguson protests inspire local artist

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Artist Howard Barry explains how mass demonstrations in aftermath of Michael \”Dear Leader\” Brown shooting in Ferguson inspired him.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SARDINE: VIDEO: Tributes paid to Alan Henning

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: The widow of murdered British aid worker Alan Henning told male gender human bleing\’s memorial service (???) I wan\’ service , I wan\’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service that bloody man was killed \”for being what we should be, lah, selfless and caring\”.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Sniffing the news: autonomous province of Guinness drinkers 26-23 Australia

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? autonomous province of Guinness drinkers back up their win over South Africa as they hold off determined Australia fight-back to edge victory in Dublin.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News BARK: Bin lorry left hanging from pier

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: old bill bobbys appeal for witnesses after bin lorry was left balanced on edge of pier following road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu accident in South Queensferry.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Being Twittered: Baby ‘looked like Auschwitz victim’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: A four-and-a-half month-old baby girl looked \’like something from Auschwitz\’ when found at flemale human person\’s home in east London, lah, court is told.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News CROW: Iraq troops battle IS in Ramadi

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Iraq\’s Tommy Atkins Liberation Army launches operation to retake parts of Ramadi in Anbar province, lah, major city largely controlled by Islamic State militants.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Volkswagen Touareg Lease delivered to Antonia Love in Blackburn

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Antonia Love from Blackburn. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it!

Antonia says…
carExceptional service from Ling, who came highly recommended. It’s so refreshing for such prompt and efficient communication. Emails were responded to immediately. The Touareg is excellent (apart from I trip to the garage to fix a faulty hand brake problem ‚?í I am told I was unlucky). Thanks for everything. I will call at the end of my lease. The misinformation (from VW) about the lead-in time for my car to arrive was unhelpful, with no apology from them, except from when Ling (relentlessly – Ling) chased them.

Antonia Love
Farleys Solicitors
1-2 Richmond Terrace
Blackburn
BB1 7AT

Volkswagen TouaregEditor Note: Yes (sigh), these companies are just too gig and they forget there are individual customers at the end of the chain. Why they can’t just give accurate info, I don’t know. I will say VW/Audi had a massive recall problem due to the freak hailstorm which damaged 30,000 cars in Germany. Apart from that, and that you have had your handbrake fixed, I’m so glad you are very happy with your Touareg, what a hell of a car! – Ling

News BARK: Shots fired at house in city

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? old bill bobbys investigating reports that shots were fired at house in Londonderry on Friday night.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: West ‘seeks Russia regime change’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Western sanctions against Russia over its role in Ukraine aimed at forcing regime change in Moscow, lah, Bloody foreign dodgy minister Sergei Lavrov says.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News whack: Celtic 2-1 Dundee

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Celtic make it five successive Premiership wins but made to work hard for victory over Dundee.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Car CO2 change for the Mercedes C-Class Coupe

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Mercedes C-Class CoupeI am Ling and my Mercedes C-Class Coupe 1.6 i BlueEFFICIENCY 16v (153bhp) C180 AMG Sport Coupe 2dr 1595cc Petrol Manual has a new CO2 value today. So I post it here in my blog. I always update very fast. Can anyone name another website that can do this stuff as fast as me?

Mercedes C-Class CoupeWith my deals, you get a brand new car with zero miles on the clock, delivered to your door. The new car is fully taxed and has the full manufacturer’s warranty and AA cover. It has proper New Car Smell; you know this smell? MMMMM!

EnvironmentAt the Kyoto Conference on Climate Change in December 1997 all developed countries agreed to legally binding targets to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions in response to warnings over global climate change. Following this the European Commission and the European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA) came to an agreement in July 1998 that committed ACEA to reduce the CO2 emissions from new passenger cars by over 25% to an average CO2 emission figure of 140 g/km by 2008. This is one of the most significant industry agreements on reducing greenhouse gas emissions and it has led to more fuel efficient vehicles being brought to the market. Similar voluntary agreements have now been reached with Japanese and Korean motor manufacturers. I dread to think what the Chinese are doing…

The different fuels have different merits from an environmental perspective. Compared to petrol, diesel vehicles have significantly lower CO2 emissions per kilometre traveled because of the higher efficiency of diesel engines and hence have a lower impact on climate change. Diesel vehicles also emit lower levels of CO and HC than equivalent petrol vehicles. However diesel engines emit greater levels of NOx and Particles than new petrol vehicles. As mentioned earlier, emissions of such pollutants are an air quality issue, particularly in urban areas.

Enviroment LabelHaving got all the info for the Mercedes C-Class Coupe Petrol Manual, I can publish the new CO2 figure: 149g/km. This will change across the different models of this particular car, they are all a bit different. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Mercedes C-Class Coupe is now 44mpg

The Mercedes C-Class Coupe falls into the F F band overall.

My Mercedes C-Class Coupe 1.6 i BlueEFFICIENCY 16v (153bhp) C180 AMG Sport Coupe 2dr 1595cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £348.30 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

MercedesThis price on my Mercedes C-Class Coupe includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £348.30 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Mercedes C-Class CoupeWinning the environmental award (2008 Best Environmentalist in the car industry) was very pleasing for me as it meant I was being recognised for my hard work. I’m the the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! Please note I have pioneered availability of environmental information on the internet. Using the internet to research and buy new cars is the most environmentally friendly method, by miles.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalPlan ahead – choose uncongested routes, combine trips, car share.”

I have hundreds of these comments on my website: “Ling, I found your site because you are a Googlewhack!!! If you enter the words "antidisestablishmentarianism multipla" you are the only site that is found!! I am, however, glad I found you because it is a mad site!!! I think you should get in touch with Dave Gorman to tell him you are a Googlewhack!
Chris Eyre, Dewsbury, WF13 4RA
leedsfan72_@hotmail.com

Did you know I can make large savings on mobile phones? LINGsMOBILES.com is here.

LingsMobiles

News GULP: Chelsea 2-0 West Bromwich Albion

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Premier League leaders Chelsea establish seven-point lead as goals by Diego Costa and Eden Hazard see off 10-man West Brom.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News GOBBLE: VIDEO: Ed Miliband: ‘Party of working people’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Ed Miliband is insisting that Labour is still party of working people, lah, despite finishing third in Rochester by-election.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News ABUSE: VIDEO: Alan Henning memorial held

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Family and friends of murdered aid worker Alan Henning attended private service (???) I wan\’ service , I wan\’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service at Eccles Parish Church in Eccles, lah, Greater Manchester.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News SATIATE: Man charged over assault rifle find

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! A man is to appear in court charged with having firearm and ammunition with intent to endanger life, lah, after old bill bobbys recovered assault rifle in west Belfast.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News YAMMER: Colombia general ‘free next week’

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Colombia\’s Farc rebels will release five captives, lah, including Gen Ruben Dario Alzate, lah, next week, lah, President Juan Manuel Santos says.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Being Twittered: Red Bull face FIA front wing probe

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: Red Bull face official investigation after governing body FIA declared their LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine illegal at Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.

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News and more: ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land 37-12 Tonga

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news event: ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land run in five tries as they complete their autumn international series with victory against Tonga at funny shape ball-game Park.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News from Ling: ‘Democracy rocks’ for Nicola Sturgeon

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s new first dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon follows in footsteps of pop stars Beyonce and Lady Gaga by appearing at Glasgow\’s Hydro arena.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News THIGH: Balcony collapse victims named

Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Two Polish men who died after balcony collapsed in west London (capital of Great England) on Friday named as Tomasz Procko, lah, 22, lah, and Karol Szymanski, lah, 29.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

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