LINGsCARS.com – Blog

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Stroking the news: Chelsea 1-2 Crystal Palace

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Jose Mourinho\’s 100th home league game in charge of Chelsea ends in defeat as Crystal Palace secure surprise 2-1 win.

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News QUACK: ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land 48-7 Italy

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land deliver commanding display to thump limp Italy in final Test before their funny shape ball-game World Cup squad is named

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News GOBBLE: VIDEO: Westminster Hall

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! MPs debate subjects including safety in prisons in Westminster Hall.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News JABBER: VIDEO: Remembering at Imperial fighty bang-bang Museum

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! How this glove was shrunk by gas attack

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News CHEW: ‘Nightmare’ over mum’s Tunisia death

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! The four children of woman who was killed when gunman opened fire on beach in Tunisia say they will never accept flemale human person\’s death.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Newsy TRICKLE: autonomous province of Guinness drinkers win first EuroHockey medal

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Province of Engrish running-dogs denied bronze as autonomous province of Guinness drinkers come from behind to win 4-2 and claim (always claiming, huh?) their first ever EuroHockey medal.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

NEWS JUNCTURE: Farah is GB’s ‘greatest sportsman’

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Brendan Foster describes Mo Farah as Great Britain\’s \”greatest sportsman\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after achieving distance \’triple-double\’.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NEWS from China: New Austria migrant lorry found

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Austrian old bill bobbys find three children in critical condition in vehicling driving car machine carrying 26 migrants, lah, believed to be from Syria, lah, Afghanistan and Bangladesh.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

A headline FROM HELL: VIDEO: Flowering success at Tower

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: How 888,246 ceramic poppies defined WW1 commemorations

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Volkswagen Touran Lease delivered to Paul Stockton in Dover

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Paul Stockton replied with a letter back to me about the Volkswagen Touran that was delivered, new. Here it is:

Paul says…
carUnbeatable deal. Easy to communicate with too. Will use again. Dealer was excellent.

Paul Stockton
EDT Direct Ion Ltd
Waldershare Park
Waldershare
Dover
DT15 5DQ

Volkswagen TouranEditor Note: Thanks Paul. Letter short and sweet. Nice customer. I remember Dover well, from small glimpse through crack in truck trailer on way overland into UK from China in 1996, hehehe. Enjoy VW Touran – Ling

News groin: VIDEO: Park life turns Whitworth inside out

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Meet Britain\’s first \’cultural park keeper\’

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News groin: Honda Racing : TOP TENS ALL-ROUND FOR PATA Rondla IN ITALY

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! \r\n \"Sylvain \r\n \r\n Pata Rondla riders Sylvain Guintoli and Michael van der Mark finished in ninth and tenth places respectively in both race

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Fuel economy and CO2 change on my Audi A1

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Audi A1Updating the Audi A1 1.4 TFSI 16v (125bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1395cc Petrol Manual quickly is brilliant because Google loves to use me as the choice for listing these cars.

Audi A1How to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You know, you are not buying this car. Only renting it for (probably 1 or 2 or 3 years). So you are not stuck with it forever. So, you have no real risk. You are going to pay someone some money to run a car however you look at it.

EnvironmentI have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997. So I have some idea what I am talking about, here. How many other people in the UK motor industry can say that?

Climate Change is recognised as one of the greatest environmental threats facing the World today and it has long been appreciated by Governments, that reducing the impact of the motor vehicle has an important part to play in addressing this threat.

Enviroment LabelWorking it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 118g/km for the Audi A1 Petrol Manual. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Audi A1 is now 55mpg

The Audi A1 falls into the C C band overall.

My Audi A1 1.4 TFSI 16v (125bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1395cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £237.78 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

AudiThis price on my Audi A1 includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £237.78 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Audi A1The comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalTry to avoid using your car for short journeys – use public transport, ride a bicycle or walk.”

My website comment page is overflowing. This is one of my favourites. “Very good website.
Paul Simpson, Widnes, WA8 3LS
simmo68uk_@yahoo.co.uk

You should know that I can now supply mobile phones HERE

LingsMobiles

News GUZZLE: Passengers trapped after bus crashes

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Two bus passengers trapped and further 10 hurtee-hurtee when bus crashes into tree in east London.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News storly: Ainslie second in America’s Cup races

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Sir Ben Ainslie\’s Land Rover BAR team finish second in Saturday\’s two races in America\’s Cup World Series in Sweden.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News inhale: Newcastle United 0-1 Arsenal

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: An own goal from defender Fabricio Coloccini gives Arsenal unconvincing victory over 10-man Newcastle.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News MEOW: In pictures: World Yoga Day

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Images from first ever World Yoga Day.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News YAMMER: Northants beat Bears to reach final

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Richard Levi hits unbeaten 63 as Northants beat Birmingham Bears to reach T20 Blast final at Edgbaston.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News from Ling: VIDEO: Minute’s silence for Shoreham dead

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Memorial events being held to mark one week since Shoreham air crash in which 11 human bliengs thought to having died.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Being Twittered: Derby County 1-2 Leeds United

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Chris Wood fires in superb late winner to give Leeds their first win of season at Derby.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Growing news: Turkish jets attack IS Syria targets

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Turkish fighter jets attack Islamic State group targets in Syria for first time, lah, Turkish Bloody foreign ministry says.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News CROW: VIDEO: Glory for Bolt – disaster for GB

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Usain Bolt wins male gender human bleing\’s third gold of World Athletics Championships by leading home Jamaica in 4x100m relay.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Honda Racing : DISAPPOINTMENT FOR SMITH AND PATA Rondla IN MISANO

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: \r\n \"Disappointment \r\n \r\n Pata Rondla rider Kyle Smith was unable to start today‚??s eighth-round World Supersport championship race at Misano World

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News SNACK: Province of Engrish running-dogs ‘ready’ for Norway challenge

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Mark Sampson reckons tournament is \”in our hands\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as they prepare to face Norway at Women\’s World Cup.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Citroen C4 Lease delivered to Paul Ravening in Gloucester

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Paul Ravening explains how they are getting on with their Citroen C4

Paul says…
CarIf only all companies were as committed as LingsCars. After ordering my Citroen C4 Cool, Ling found that they had stopped production of that model. These things happen. However she managed to find me one of the last ones in the country and in my choice of colour too. Top marks to the dealer too, the car turned up as promised in time for me to take it to work. I’ll be back in two years!!

Paul Ravening
Address withheld
Gloucester
GL2 ***

Citroen C4 CactusEditor Note: Paul, I do my best! Glad that in this case I found you a car. I also think this dealer is one of the very best I use, despite being “only” a Citroen dealer, rather than Audi or BMW. Thanks for the letter :)Ling

News swallow: Tila Tequila thrown out of CBB

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Glamour model Tila Tequila thrown out of Celebrity Big Brother over Nazi comments.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Emission figures on the Ford Focus ST

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Ford Focus STThe impact of CO2 is important. I always compare my figures with the Government data, so when it changes, like on this Ford Focus ST Diesel Manual, I note it here in my blog.

Ford Focus STMost Ling cars are on 2 year deals or less, so you should only need an oil and filter service (you won’t need brake pads etc unless you drive like German idiot Schumacker). You just pay this service yourself, OK? Some service intervals (eg. Renault) now at 18,000 miles! You can have this small service done at any cheap VAT registered garage, just use quality parts. Your car is fully covered by the manufacturer warranty (use franchise dealer for this, free), and you get manufacturer’s AA/RAC type cover.

EnvironmentAt the Kyoto Conference on Climate Change in December 1997 all developed countries agreed to legally binding targets to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions in response to warnings over global climate change. Following this the European Commission and the European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA) came to an agreement in July 1998 that committed ACEA to reduce the CO2 emissions from new passenger cars by over 25% to an average CO2 emission figure of 140 g/km by 2008. This is one of the most significant industry agreements on reducing greenhouse gas emissions and it has led to more fuel efficient vehicles being brought to the market. Similar voluntary agreements have now been reached with Japanese and Korean motor manufacturers. I dread to think what the Chinese are doing…

Hybrid vehicles combine an internal combustion engine with an electric motor and battery. There are various ways in which hybrid vehicles can operate. For example the electric motor can be used to provide additional power during acceleration and high load conditions. The battery can then be recharged by the internal combustion engine or from energy absorbed during braking, or, in some cases, from an external electrical supply. Hybrid vehicles offer reduced fuel consumption and CO2 with potentially some reduction in emissions of local pollutants.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Ford Focus ST Diesel Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 110g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Ford Focus ST is now 67mpg

The Ford Focus ST falls into the B B band overall.

My Ford Focus ST 2.0 TDCi 16v (185bhp) 2 Hatchback 5dr 1998cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £273.04 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

FordThis price on my Ford Focus ST includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £273.04 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Ford Focus STThe comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalPlan ahead – choose uncongested routes, combine trips, car share.”

<a href="/">LINGsCARS.com</a> gets loads of comments. Here’s one (email address changed): “This is brilliant!
Stephen Mitchell, Fife, KY7 6TW
fathermitch_@yahoo.com

I have a mobile phone website, now… HERE

LingsMobiles

NOT the NEWS: Reading crowd’s ‘chilled’ reaction to headliners Mumford & Sons

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Music fans give their verdict on Mumford & Sons\’ headlining traditionally rock music festival at Reading.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News GUZZLE: VIDEO: Farah completes historic double

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Great Britain\’s Mo Farah completes historic \’triple-double\’ with victory in 5,000m at World Athletics Championships in Beijing.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

More news: Migrant truck death accused in court

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Three Bulgarians and Afghan appear in court in Hungary in connection with deaths of 71 migrants found in back of lorry in Austria.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News PIGLET: Honda Racing : DRAMATIC END TO EUROPEAN JUNIOR CUP RACE IN MISANO

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: \r\n \"Dramatic \r\n \r\n Today‚??s sixth-round Pata European Junior Cup, lah, powered by Honda, lah, race at Misano, lah, Italy ended in dramatic style this after

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News PIGLET: Greece and Germany and weight of history

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: History has taught Greece and Germany different lessons and has complicated search for compromise in current crisis, lah, says BBC\’s Gavin Hewitt.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News DAWDLE: British teams to learn Euro fate

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Celtic and West Ham among British clubs in Monday\’s Champions League and Europa League draws.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

NEWS JUNCTURE: VIDEO: Pakistan heatwave leaves 120 dead

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: A heatwave in Pakistan\’s southern Sindh province claim (always claiming, huh?) lives of more than 120 people.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

What is new(S): VIDEO: Egypt verdict ‘a dangerous message’

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: The conviction of three al-Jazeera journalists by Egyptian court \”sends dangerous message\”, lah, lawyer Amal Clooney says.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News CLUCK: Defoe hits back at PA ad criticism

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Sunderland striker Jermain Defoe hits back at criticism levelled at him following male gender human bleing\’s advert for personal assistant.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Sniffing the news: Dog meat festival under way amid row

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! An annual dog-meat festival in south-west China is taking place on Monday amid uproar from animal rights activists.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News RAT: VIDEO: Life in Ukraine’s rebel-held Donetsk

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: The BBC\’s Tom Burridge reports from rebel-held city of Donetsk where there signs it is becoming like independent state as Ukrainian influences being swept away.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Bmw Z4 Roadster Lease delivered to Kerry Hardiker in Cannock

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Kerry Hardiker replied with a letter back to me about the Bmw Z4 Roadster that was delivered, new. Here it is:

Kerry says…
car“Ling was great, she made it all so simple and quick! Crazy accent, too!”

Kerry Hardiker
Fusion Hairdressers
74 Stafford Lane
Hednesford
Cannock
WS12 1LF

BMW Z4 RoadsterEditor Note: FANTASTIC! How BMW must hate me, hehehe! I have sold Z4 to a hairdresser! Some things make my life so worthwhile, and this is one of them. Use plenty of hairspray with top down in your new full leather convertible, Kerry – Ling

News HORSE: VIDEO: Fear for nurses over migration rules

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: The Royal College of Nursing is warning that new immigration rules could force thousands of Bloody foreign staff to leave UK.

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Possible enviro banding change on the BMW 5-Series Saloon

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

BMW 5-Series SaloonMy system has alerted me that the BMW 5-Series Saloon 2.0 d 16v (190bhp) 520d M Sport Saloon 4dr 1995cc Diesel Automatic has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot.

BMW 5-Series SaloonAt the manufacturer’s service intervals, the car will need a service, which you are responsible for. Of course, as it’s a brand-new car, tyres/brakes etc will probably last out the contract so you’ll only have a basic oil and filter service to pay for.

EnvironmentMy customers drive brand-new cars. These cars are far less polluting than cars built just a few years ago. As an extreme example, it would take 50 new cars to produce the same emissions per kilometre as a vehicle made in 1970. The new cars my customers are driving have been produced on the most modern production lines, using the latest technology with much lower environmental build costs than cars produced in the past. By their nature, these new cars will be emitting the lowest levels of pollutants than they will ever produce in their lifetimes, as they get older.

Failure to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, render dealers liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. The same penalty exists for anyone who does not include all the appropriate test results in promotional literature. Trading Standards enforce point of sale information and should be contacted if you have concerns in this area. The Vehicle Certification Agency enforce the provision of information in advertising and promotional literature.

Enviroment LabelThe CO2 for this BMW 5-Series Saloon Diesel Automatic is better than it was, at just 119g/km. It is a bit different if you look at a slightly different trim level. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this BMW 5-Series Saloon is now 62mpg

The BMW 5-Series Saloon falls into the C C band overall.

My BMW 5-Series Saloon 2.0 d 16v (190bhp) 520d M Sport Saloon 4dr 1995cc Diesel Automatic gearbox is only £0.00 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

BMWThis price on my BMW 5-Series Saloon includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £0.00 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

BMW 5-Series SaloonWinning the environmental award (2008 Best Environmentalist in the car industry) was very pleasing for me as it meant I was being recognised for my hard work. I’m the the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! Please note I have pioneered availability of environmental information on the internet. Using the internet to research and buy new cars is the most environmentally friendly method, by miles.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalDrive smoothly and efficiently – harsh acceleration and heavy braking have a very significant effect on fuel consumption, driving more smoothly saves fuel.”

I have so many of these website comments, they are overflowing on my desk! “Your site made me laugh out loud – a rare treat! Not many do that. Cheers.
Dave Harries, North Weald, CM16 6DB
harriesmob_@ntlworld.com

Using a mobile phone is better than driving. You can buy the cheapest mobile deal HERE.

LingsMobiles

News BRICK: Martinez critical of Stones pursuit

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Everton manager Roberto Martinez says Chelsea cannot \”click their fingers\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and buy Province of Engrish running-dogs defender John Stones.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News STOMACH: HSBC ‘working to fix’ missing payments

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: HSBC says payments delayed by IT glitch \”should be processed today\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) – despite previously saying issue would be fixed on Friday night.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News FANNY: De Bruyne to having Man City medical

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Kevin de Bruyne is set to having medical at Manchester City before club-record move to Premier League side.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News spotter: Inspectors criticise NI nursing home

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Northern Ireland\’s health regulators severely criticise nursing home after quality of care fell below minimum standards.

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News FANNY: VIDEO: Rare Amy Winehouse sessions released

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Watch clip of Amy Winehouse performing Love Is Losing Game, lah, from Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation One Sessions, lah, recorded in 2007.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News gorge: VIDEO: Shoreham air crash memorial to be held

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Memorial services going to take place in memory of 11 human bliengs who died in Shoreham air crash.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Sniffing the news: Egypt jails al-Jazeera journalists

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Three al-Jazeera journalists convicted in Egypt of \”spreading false news\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) sentenced to three years in prison at their retrial in Cairo.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News MEOW: VIDEO: McKellen: Fight not over on gay rights

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Actor Sir Ian McKellen has played variety of amazing parts in male gender human bleing\’s career, lah, but one role bloody man has always held dear in male gender human bleing\’s personal life is as gay rights campaigner.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Chinglish NEWS: Thai old bill bobbys make Bangkok blast arrest

Posted on | August 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: old bill bobbys in Bangkok say they having arrested man in connection with bomb that killed 20 human bliengs in Thai capital nearly two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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- Ling


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The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land deliver commanding display to thump limp Italy in final Test before their funny shape ball-game World Cup squad is named - news replorted 17:32



Wah! LATEST:  Jose Mourinho's 100th home league game in charge of Chelsea ends in defeat as Crystal Palace secure surprise 2-1 win. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:30



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep getting pre-tournament morale boost as they beat autonomous province of Guinness drinkers 16-10 in Saturday's World Cup warm-up game in Dublin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:39



Wah! Austrian old bill bobbys find three children in critical condition in vehicling driving car machine carrying 26 migrants, lah, believed to be from Syria, lah, Afghanistan and Bangladesh. - news replorted 16:32



Wah! Brendan Foster describes Mo Farah as Great Britain's "greatest sportsman" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after achieving distance 'triple-double'. - news replorted 16:26



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs denied bronze as autonomous province of Guinness drinkers come from behind to win 4-2 and claim (always claiming, huh?) their first ever EuroHockey medal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 16:03



Wah! Six human bliengs hurtee-hurtee in head-on crash between two buses in Birmingham street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:56



Wah! Lizzie Jones, lah, widow of funny shape ball-game league player Danny Jones, lah, who died suddenly after being taken ill at match in May, lah, sings Abide With me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero before Challenge Cup final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:50



Wah! The four children of woman who was killed when gunman opened fire on beach in Tunisia say they will never accept flemale human person's death. - news replorted 15:41



Wah! An own goal from defender Fabricio Coloccini gives Arsenal unconvincing victory over 10-man Newcastle. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:10



Wah! Sir Ben Ainslie's Land Rover BAR team finish second in Saturday's two races in America's Cup World Series in Sweden. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:53



Wah! Usain Bolt wins male gender human bleing's third gold of World Athletics Championships by leading home Jamaica in 4x100m relay. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:33



Wah! Turkish fighter jets attack Islamic State group targets in Syria for first time, lah, Turkish Bloody foreign ministry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Chris Wood fires in superb late winner to give Leeds their first win of season at Derby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Two bus passengers trapped and further 10 hurtee-hurtee when bus crashes into tree in east London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:17



Wah! Memorial events being held to mark one week since Shoreham air crash in which 11 human bliengs thought to having died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:51



Wah! Richard Levi hits unbeaten 63 as Northants beat Birmingham Bears to reach T20 Blast final at Edgbaston. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:49



Wah! Three Bulgarians and Afghan appear in court in Hungary in connection with deaths of 71 migrants found in back of lorry in Austria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:29



Wah! Great Britain's Mo Farah completes historic 'triple-double' with victory in 5,000m at World Athletics Championships in Beijing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 12:57



Wah! Music fans give their verdict on Mumford & Sons' headlining traditionally rock music festival at Reading. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 12:46



Wah! Sunderland striker Jermain Defoe hits back at criticism levelled at him following male gender human bleing's advert for personal assistant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:54



Wah! The conviction of three al-Jazeera journalists by Egyptian court "sends dangerous message", lah, lawyer Amal Clooney says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:46



Wah! Kevin de Bruyne is set to having medical at Manchester City before club-record move to Premier League side. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:38



Wah! HSBC says payments delayed by IT glitch "should be processed today" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - despite previously saying issue would be fixed on Friday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:14



Wah! Everton manager Roberto Martinez says Chelsea cannot "click their fingers" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and buy Province of Engrish running-dogs defender John Stones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! old bill bobbys in Bangkok say they having arrested man in connection with bomb that killed 20 human bliengs in Thai capital nearly two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:31



Wah! Actor Sir Ian McKellen has played variety of amazing parts in male gender human bleing's career, lah, but one role bloody man has always held dear in male gender human bleing's personal life is as gay rights campaigner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:31



Wah! Three al-Jazeera journalists convicted in Egypt of "spreading false news" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) sentenced to three years in prison at their retrial in Cairo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:13



Wah! The UN secretary general says "much more is required" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to prevent deaths of refugees and migrants fleeing to Europe after hundreds were reported dead in few days. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:06



Wah! Great Britain's relay teams ease through to World Championship finals on penultimate morning of competition in Beijing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:05



Wah! At least 20 human bliengs having died after tropical storm Erika swept across Caribbean island of Dominica. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:19



Wah! Memorial services going to take place in memory of 11 human bliengs who died in Shoreham air crash. - news replorted 07:03



Wah! Jordan Spieth loses male gender human bleing's world number one ranking to Rory McIlroy after missing cut at Barclays in New Jersey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:17



Wah! A woman and flemale human person's four children, lah, who having missing since Tuesday, lah, could be travelling to Syria, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:40



Wah! Children with autism having to waiting like hell average of three-and-a-half years before diagnosis, lah, while adults waiting like hell on average two years, lah, experts say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:29



Wah! A thick stream of lava has erupted from newly formed opening on volcano on Hawaii's Big Island. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:48



Wah! European dodgy ministers and officials set to hold emergency talks in Paris following last week's foiled gun attack on French train. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:26



Wah! A number of rail services cancelled as First Great Western staff begin three-day walkout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:56



Wah! Tropical Storm Erika leaves at least 20 dead on Caribbean island of Dominica, lah, with devastation setting it back 20 years, lah, its PM says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:44



Wah! Ten years ago, lah, Hurricane Katrina damaged much of New Orleans after high winds, lah, heavy rains and floods from levees. Eating rice!! Here's some of how Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation reported from city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:43



Wah! A team of Nasa recruits begins living near barren volcano in Hawaii to simulate what life would be like on Mars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:27



Wah! The government should limit amount of money spent on legal advice for politicians, lah, officials and military figures as part of Chilcot inquiry, lah, Tory Membling Partiamentary expense cheater says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:22



Wah! Disabled human bliengs face big barriers to integration in Iranian society, lah, says Camelia Sadeghzadeh - but things starting to improve. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:09



Wah! The Edinburgh TV Festival agenda is dominated by future of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation and health of British industry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:06



Wah! Tiny Bhutan thinks big after World Cup win - news replorted 00:55



Wah! The founder and chief executive of Ashley Madison infidelity dating website, lah, Noel Biderman, lah, has stepped down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:48



Wah! Rapper Ice Cube on male gender human bleing's son starring in NWA rap biopic - news replorted 00:30



Wah! A team of Nasa recruits is set to begin year-long isolation in dome near barren volcano in Hawaii, lah, to simulate life on Mars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:29



Wah! Our selection of top images from past seven days - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Should politicians having right to delete their own tweets ... for ever? - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Does Usain Bolt move male gender human bleing's legs faster than other sprinters? - news replorted 00:25



Wah! Snacking or drinking water after heavy night of drinking alcohol does not prevent hangover, lah, research on Dutch students suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! A series of memorial events is to take place later to mark one week since Shoreham air crash in which 11 human bliengs thought to having died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Ministers must provide more funding to protect hurtee-hurtee fighty bang-bang veterans from spending compensation on social care costs, lah, local authority leaders say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Why London's gay bars disappearing? - news replorted 00:01



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