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Audi A3 Lease delivered to Ian Miller in Barnsley

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Ian Miller that I got a while ago:

Ian says…
carLing, running a small company is hard. So is setting service. Your service is FAB and you go the extra mile. Many businesses should follow. We know we go the extra mile. A3 is also FAB, the wife loves it. Excellent delivery by great guys!

Ian Miller
29 Limes Avenue
Staincross
Barnsley
S75 6JW

Audi A3Editor Note: Ian, hahaha. Well, it is harder for you, you are in Barnsley! :) Glad your wife likes the car, it is a lovely thing, that A3. Thanks so much for comments. – Ling

Being Twittered: Premier League farewells in pictures

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, Paul Scholes and David Moyes among those set for emotional final day in Premier League

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: Debut directors seek Cannes success

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: The young bloody annoying Blitish film-makers vying for attention in Cannes

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News groin: Wilkinson wins Player of Year

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Toulon’s Jonny Wilkinson is named European Player of Year for male gender human bleing’s performances in this season’s Heineken Cup.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

LingNews: VIDEO: Gumball rally sets off from Denmark

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Up to 100 predominantly luxury cars taking part in Gumball 3000 rally in which some of world’s richest petrol-heads getting to flaunt their wealth during controlling in driving manner that will take them through Europe.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: Newcastle 0-1 Arsenal

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Arsenal finish fourth in Premier League to qualify for Champions League after nervy win over Newcastle.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SARDINE: bloody annoying Blitish astronaut Peake to go into orbit

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: The bloody annoying Blitish astronaut Tim Peake is given date to fly to International Space Station.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Ling’s Jaguar XF environment info change

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Jaguar XFCO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The Jaguar XF (New Shape) 2.2 d 16v (160bhp) Luxury Saloon 4dr 2179cc Diesel Automatic seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.

Jaguar XFOh, I get very mad about this, but I cannot say this in my advertising or some big leasing companies complain to me that I slag them off… The industry standard for contract hire is a 1x rental-initial-payment or (more usually) a 3x rental-initial-payment. That’s it. If everyone advertised this, you could easily compare the rental figures as the football field we are playing on would be flat.

EnvironmentWhen I asked Renault UK what they were doing to encourage franchised dealers to go beyond legal-minimum disclosure of environmental data, they simply said; "The majority of Renault dealers are autonomous businesses with a franchise to sell and repair Renault vehicles and as such, the internal running is outside of our jurisdiction. However, we train the dealer network, to ensure that they are aware of the different models and new technologies available. Some Renault dealerships may choose to advertise this information on their websites whereas some Renault dealerships would choose not to.". Note that this statement is slightly misleading as Renault UK directly owns many of its larger dealerships, and in my extensive research no Renault dealer uses this information online. They could, if they wanted to. Their statement doesn’t seem to me to be very pro-active.

Failure to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, render dealers liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. The same penalty exists for anyone who does not include all the appropriate test results in promotional literature. Trading Standards enforce point of sale information and should be contacted if you have concerns in this area. The Vehicle Certification Agency enforce the provision of information in advertising and promotional literature.

Enviroment LabelWorking it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 149g/km for the Jaguar XF Diesel Automatic. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Jaguar XF is now 52mpg

The Jaguar XF falls into the F F band overall.

My Jaguar XF (New Shape) 2.2 d 16v (160bhp) Luxury Saloon 4dr 2179cc Diesel Automatic gearbox is only £459.60 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

JaguarThis price on my Jaguar XF includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £459.60 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Jaguar XFWinning the environmental award (2008 Best Environmentalist in the car industry) was very pleasing for me as it meant I was being recognised for my hard work. I’m the the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! Please note I have pioneered availability of environmental information on the internet. Using the internet to research and buy new cars is the most environmentally friendly method, by miles.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalRegular servicing helps keep the engine at best efficiency.”

Read this, I have this comment up, displayed on <a href="/">LINGsCARS.com</a>: “Totally off the wall but brilliant all the same. Wish there were more like it!
Bill Doodson, Huddersfield, HD1 4PP
bill.doodson_@ntlworld.com

If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE

LingsMobiles

News stoly: Nadal hammers Federer in Rome final

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Rafael Nadal drops only four games as bloody man beats Roger Federer to win male gender human bleing’s seventh Italian Open title.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News NOSTRIL: Visconti takes first Giro stage win

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Giovanni Visconti wins male gender human bleing’s first ever Giro d’Italia stage as Vincenzo Nibali remains in pink jersey after snowy stage 15.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Volkswagen Golf (mk5) Lease delivered to Stephen Brown in County Durham

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Stephen Brown explains how they are getting on with their Volkswagen Golf (mk5)

Stephen says…
carLing has some great deals. Fast efficient service and very friendly. I hope to rent from you again. Delivery of my Golf was excellent.

Stephen Brown
61 Warkworth Drive
Chester Le Street
County Durham
DH2 3TH

 Editor Note: Stephen, as you are an accountant I appreciate you find my deals financially beneficial :) You are only 10 miles away from me, hope to see you around in your Golf! – Ling

Glowing report: St Johnstone 2-0 Motherwell

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! St Johnstone beat Motherwell to finish third and reach Europa League qualifiers for second year running.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News storly: Murdered Pakistan politician buried

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! The funeral of murdered vice-president of Pakistan’s PTI party, lah, Zahra Shahid Hussain, lah, is held at mosque in Karachi.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News whack: British Soap Award winners named

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Coronation Street leads honours as it does battle with Hollyoaks, lah, Emmerdale and EastEnders at British Soap Awards.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News STOMACH: Brentford 1-2 Yeovil

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Yeovil secure first ever season in Championship by beating Brentford in tense League One play-off final.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News spotter: Disgraced French dodgy minister bows out

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: A French government dodgy minister who quit over revelations of male gender human bleing’s undeclared Swiss capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity account says bloody man will not stand again for election.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Noticing story: VIDEO: Morecambe & Wise getting memorial plaque

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: A memorial plaque dedicated to Morecambe & Wise is unveiled at Teddington Studios

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News RAT: McDowell wins World Match Play title

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Northern Ireland’s Graeme McDowell beats Thailand’s Thongchai Jaidee 2&1 to win World Match Play Championship in Bulgaria.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

I’ve updated the enviro stuff on this Skoda Octavia

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Skoda OctaviaLooking at my records, the Skoda Octavia 2.0 TDI CD (150bhp) Elegance Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual has changed today, so I have updated the environmental information on my website. You have to laugh that I can beat Skoda to this update!

Skoda OctaviaYou need to insure the car fully comp, as normal with any new car. The car can be used for any purpose, or driven by anyone you choose. In effect, it is your own brand new car for the length of the hire period. You can even take it abroad. I tried to drive car to China once. That was damn big mistake. I suggest you do not use contract hire car for this.

EnvironmentA very important feature is to be able to compare many different cars – on my main car listing pages. No franchised dealer will allow this, as they are mainly representing just one brand, so how is the average customer expected to make comparative judgements?

The different fuels have different merits from an environmental perspective. Compared to petrol, diesel vehicles have significantly lower CO2 emissions per kilometre traveled because of the higher efficiency of diesel engines and hence have a lower impact on climate change. Diesel vehicles also emit lower levels of CO and HC than equivalent petrol vehicles. However diesel engines emit greater levels of NOx and Particles than new petrol vehicles. As mentioned earlier, emissions of such pollutants are an air quality issue, particularly in urban areas.

Enviroment LabelHaving got all the info for the Skoda Octavia Diesel Manual, I can publish the new CO2 figure: 106g/km. This will change across the different models of this particular car, they are all a bit different. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Skoda Octavia is now 68mpg

The Skoda Octavia falls into the B B band overall.

My Skoda Octavia 2.0 TDI CD (150bhp) Elegance Hatchback 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £268.37 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

SkodaThis price on my Skoda Octavia includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £268.37 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Skoda OctaviaRemember I won the best non-franchise environmentalist 2008 in the Automotive Industry Awards. Don’t let these manufacturers fool you; LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! I have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalDo not compromise safety but be aware that the use of onboard electrical devices increases fuel consumption.”

Read this website comment. I really try my best! (email address altered) “Ling, help me pick a car for my missus… she wants a car big enough to carry 3 kids and a rottweiller, that looks like a 911, with the economy of a 1.6 diesel and the luxury of a Range Rover. Any ideas? No, me neither…
Leighton Williams, Neath, SA11 3ER
lavamyz_@btclick.com

Using a mobile phone is better than driving. You can buy the cheapest mobile deal HERE.

LingsMobiles

News NIPPLE: Telescope back on track for Derby

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Telescope, lah, part-owned by Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, is back on track for Epsom Derby after impressing in workout.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News THIGH: Immigration policies ‘restrictive’

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! the Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs dodgy minister with responsibility for immigration attacks bloody annoying Blitish government’s approach to issue.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Noticing story: Philpott mother to fight jail term

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A lawyer representing Mairead Philpott, lah, who killed flemale human person’s six children in fire, lah, says bloody woman will appeal against flemale human person’s 17-year jail term.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

More news: VIDEO: Record breaking demolition of viaduct

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A two-mile viaduct in Super-Duper-Chinese-State city of Wuhan has been demolished, lah, breaking record for longest reinforced concrete bridge ever blown up in country.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News FANNY: Serena powers to Italian Open win

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: World number one Serena Williams beats Victoria Azarenka to win Italian Open and flemale human person’s fourth consecutive tournament.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Getting noticed: What next for bloody annoying Blitish in Eurovision?

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: How can bloody annoying Blitish getting back to number one at Eurovision?

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Clegg leader plot claim (always claiming, huh?) ‘ridiculous’

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Lib Dem dodgy minister Danny Alexander dismisses claim (always claiming, huh?) that Deputy PM Nick Clegg could face Lib Dem leadership challenge from Vince Cable.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: Broad stars as Province of Engrish running-dogs crush NZ

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Stuart Broad takes 7-44 to rip through New Zealand and inspire Province of Engrish running-dogs to astonishing 170-run win in first Test at Lord’s.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News PUNISH: Tory Membling Partiamentary expense cheater denies rift over ‘loon’ slur

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Monmouth Membling Partiamentary expense cheater David Davies denies Conservative party rift amid claim (always claiming, huh?) someone close to prime dodgy minister branded activists ‘mad, lah, swivel-eyed loons’.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Not about cars: Garden body death ‘unexplained’

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Here’s some Chinglish news: The death of woman whose body was found in communal garden area of flats in Edinburgh is being treated as “unexplained” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by police.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Mazda Mx-5 Lease delivered to Paul Henderson in Plymouth

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Paul Henderson that I got a while ago:

Paul says…
car“Thanks very much for the car, it’s great! As this was my first time leasing a car (!!) I was very wary and a few people thought I was mad. But there was no need to panic, the MX5 arrived on time as promised and everyone, including myself, is very impressed. Keep up the good work. Hope you get more MX-5s before my lease runs out.”

Paul Henderson
20 Redvers Grove
Plympton
Plymouth
PL7 1HU

Mazda MX-5 RoadsterEditor Note: You are an Engineer, Paul… so you appreciate the quality of the design of the MX-5. A shame Mazda UK have to be so nasty to me. Never mind, I still manage to supply and all my customers are very happy, as you show. I am sure Mazda will see sense, one day, and stop persecuting me :) There is one particular dealer who hates me for “stealing” their customers, they think everyone should pay full price, through the nose and they insist Mazda UK twist the knife into me. Thanks for being a great customer – Ling

News DAWDLE: Briton ‘held in France over deaths’

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! A man of British origin has been arrested in France in connection with deaths of male gender human bleing’s two children, lah, media reports say.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News THRUST: Pedrosa claim (always claiming, huh?) French GP victory

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Dani Pedrosa wins French Grand Prix as Britain’s Cal Crutchlow finishes second for male gender human bleing’s best-ever MotoGP result.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Car CO2 change for the Citroen DS3

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Citroen DS3Everyone moans that things go up and up and up. Well, the CO2 on the Citroen DS3 1.6 VTi 16v (120bhp) DStyle Hatchback 3dr 1598cc Petrol Manual has just come down! What a result! This post is to let you know.

Citroen DS3You run this new car for 12, 18, 24 or 36 months depending on the term, and run it within an agreed mileage limit (usually 10,000, 15,000 or 20,000 miles per year, but different mileages are possible). If you exceed the mileage limit, you pay for extra miles at (typically) 4p – 10p per extra mile. This is known as the excess mileage rate.

EnvironmentWhen a customer clicks through into an individual car’s detail, they can see even more information. This includes the CO2 (again) and all three EC fuel consumption measurements. I even include the EU noise rating and the road tax "class" which may influence a customer’s car choice decision. (Please bear in mind that the road tax is completely free, from me – I include that cost information so a customer has more clue about the environmental impact of their new car).

Biofuels also offer a way to reduce vehicles’ impacts on climate change. The fuels are not entirely CO2 neutral because of the energy used to grow and process crops, but they can offer substantial CO2 savings over fossil petrol and diesel. Today most biofuels are sold in a blends of up to 5% with fossil petrol and diesel . These are suitable for use in all vehicles. Fuel standards may be extended in the future to allow more than 5% if it is concluded that this is compatible with existing vehicles. Some manufacturers offer ‘flexi-fuel’ vehicles that can run on bioethanol blends up to E85 – a blend of 85% bioethanol and 15% petrol, as well as fossil petrol.

Enviroment LabelI am pleased to say that the CO2 for the Citroen DS3 Petrol Manual is now 136g/km. If you chose a different trim level, the CO2 would change, but not by much. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Citroen DS3 is now 47mpg

The Citroen DS3 falls into the E E band overall.

My Citroen DS3 1.6 VTi 16v (120bhp) DStyle Hatchback 3dr 1598cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £215.45 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 17 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

CitroenThis price on my Citroen DS3 includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £215.45 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Citroen DS3The comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalUse air-conditioning sparingly – running air-conditioning continuously will increase fuel consumption significantly.”

Read this, I have this comment up, displayed on <a href="/">LINGsCARS.com</a>: “I’m not very familiar with the car hiring industry, but obviously you are running a fabulous business plus amazing website! As a Chinese, I do appreciate your ability and smartness. Wish you more success in the following days :)
Yu Wang, University of Essex, Colchester, CO4 3SQ
mcwang_@gmail.com

Did you know I can make large savings on mobile phones? LINGsMOBILES.com is here.

LingsMobiles

News DAWDLE: Climber breaks own Everest record

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! British mountaineer Kenton Cool reaches summit of Everest for record-breaking 11th time.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News HORSE: Two hurt, lah, one trapped in plane crash

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Two human bliengs hurtee-hurtee and another is trapped as light aircraft crashes in Gwynedd.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Big porky news: Redding claim (always claiming, huh?) maiden Moto2 win

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Ling’s news in Chinglish! Scott Redding claim (always claiming, huh?) maiden Moto2 win with victory at French Grand Prix in Le Mans to take championship lead.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Noticing story: Calls for breast gene test change

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs breast cancer charity calls for same genetic testing criteria north and south of border.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News GRUNT: Tunisia old bill bobbys clash with Islamists

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Tunisian old bill bobbys clash with hundreds of supporters of radical Islamist group Ansar al-Sharia defying attempts to bar gathering.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News JABBER: VIDEO: Denmark wins Eurovision Song Contest

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Denmark’s Emmelie de Forest has won 2013 Eurovision Song Contest, lah, held in Malmo in Sweden, lah, with flemale human person’s song Only Teardrops.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News ingurgitate: Eurovision: Back to basics in Malmo

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Eurovision Song Contest goes back to basics in Malmo

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News swallow: Iran executes two men for spying

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Iranian officials say two men having been executed after they were convicted of spying for Israel and US.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Fiat Grande Punto Lease delivered to Tom Poole in East Molesey

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

My letters webpage must be just about the longest on the internet! Currently, there are 1532 letters on my website. Letters are great, as they are like a window on my customers’ happiness. My good customer Tom Poole wrote this one:

Tom says…
carThe service provided was as usual very slick and professional. I always panic with the smooth effortless approach Ling uses to secure the vehicle. I always believe this is too good to be true and will all go tits up. It never fails to amaze how good Ling is. Well done.

However, the dealer was not so good. Delivery was late, electrical items not working properly. I am still awaiting contact from the supplier to rectify.

Tom Poole
Fairway IFA Ltd
Fiarway House
127 Walton Rd
East Molesey
KT8 0DT

Fiat Grande PuntoEditor Note: Tom, you are a repeating customer, you have had many cars from me. thanks for letter :) …About your problems;- well, this is a FIAT dealer, what more can I say? I am on the case, they WILL sort them out, but frankly service from FIAT dealers is often like this. It is a shame, but true. Thanks for taking the car. – Ling

Headlines again: Lennon guitar sells for $408,000

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: A guitar played by John Lennon and George Harrison of Beatles in 1967 fetches $408,000 (ĀRMB Yuan #269,000) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction in New York.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News SNACK: VIDEO: Propaganda: Art or political rhetoric?

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Governments having long used newspapers, lah, posters and leaflets to try and influence what human bliengs think, lah, but new exhibition is showing that there could be much more to it.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Getting noticed: Boys arrested after death at house

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Three teenagers arrested on suspicion of supplying drugs after 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl dies in Warrington.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

NEWS from China: VIDEO: Tornadoes tear through Great Satan states

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Storm-chasers having captured footage showing tornadoes touching down in both Texas and Kansas

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Comparative label for the Mercedes E-Class Coupe

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Mercedes E-Class CoupeMy system has alerted me that the Mercedes E-Class Coupe 2.2 CDi BlueEFFICIENCY 16v (170bhp) E220 CDI Sport Coupe 2dr 2143cc Diesel Manual has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot.

Mercedes E-Class CoupeOh, I get very mad about this, but I cannot say this in my advertising or some big leasing companies complain to me that I slag them off… The industry standard for contract hire is a 1x rental-initial-payment or (more usually) a 3x rental-initial-payment. That’s it. If everyone advertised this, you could easily compare the rental figures as the football field we are playing on would be flat.

EnvironmentMy customers have obtained their cars by the lowest polluting method possible – by acquiring them electronically from the internet. No one has had to travel to a showroom (repeatedly) or contributed to car dealers’ massive environmental overheads (heating, lighting, water use, fuel, staffing costs). The cars I supply are often delivered direct from manufacturers’ depots, or where they have been "through" a dealer, they have not required the showroom overhead (these efficiencies have the added benefit of reducing costs!).

Biofuels also offer a way to reduce vehicles’ impacts on climate change. The fuels are not entirely CO2 neutral because of the energy used to grow and process crops, but they can offer substantial CO2 savings over fossil petrol and diesel. Today most biofuels are sold in a blends of up to 5% with fossil petrol and diesel . These are suitable for use in all vehicles. Fuel standards may be extended in the future to allow more than 5% if it is concluded that this is compatible with existing vehicles. Some manufacturers offer ‘flexi-fuel’ vehicles that can run on bioethanol blends up to E85 – a blend of 85% bioethanol and 15% petrol, as well as fossil petrol.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Mercedes E-Class Coupe Diesel Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 142g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Mercedes E-Class Coupe is now 53mpg

The Mercedes E-Class Coupe falls into the F F band overall.

My Mercedes E-Class Coupe 2.2 CDi BlueEFFICIENCY 16v (170bhp) E220 CDI Sport Coupe 2dr 2143cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £374.76 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

MercedesThis price on my Mercedes E-Class Coupe includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £374.76 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Mercedes E-Class CoupeWinning the environmental award (2008 Best Environmentalist in the car industry) was very pleasing for me as it meant I was being recognised for my hard work. I’m the the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! Please note I have pioneered availability of environmental information on the internet. Using the internet to research and buy new cars is the most environmentally friendly method, by miles.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalUse higher gears, as soon as traffic conditions allow.”

My website comment page is overflowing. This is one of my favourites. “Most entertaining site since "origamiboulder" (that is CLASSIC site. I own an Origami Boulder from true artist! – Ling). Ling, you’re the best!!
Mandya Miller, Darlington, DL3 9AJ
aura321_@hotmail.com

If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE

LingsMobiles

News SARDINE: Google chief defends tax affairs

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Google’s executive chairman Eric Schmidt defends company’s tax affairs after it comes in for strong criticism from MPs.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News QUACK: Aston Martin : ASTON MARTINā??S RADICAL CC100 SPEEDSTER CONCEPT BREAKS COVER

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Aston Martin is celebrating its centenary in world-class style with debut today (19 May) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of exceptional CC100 Sp

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News PUNISH: Battling Purdy beaten by Alexander

Posted on | May 19, 2013 | Comments Off

Here’s some Chinglish news: Colchester welterweight Lee Purdy goes seven rounds against champion Devon Alexander before male gender human bleing’s corner throw in towel.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The bloody annoying Blitish astronaut Tim Peake is given date to fly to International Space Station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:02



Wah! LATEST:  Arsenal finish fourth in Premier League to qualify for Champions League after nervy win over Newcastle. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:53



Wah! Up to 100 predominantly luxury cars taking part in Gumball 3000 rally in which some of world's richest petrol-heads getting to flaunt their wealth during controlling in driving manner that will take them through Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:46



Wah! Toulon's Jonny Wilkinson is named European Player of Year for male gender human bleing's performances in this season's Heineken Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 16:31



Wah! The young bloody annoying Blitish film-makers vying for attention in Cannes - news replorted 16:15



Wah! Giovanni Visconti wins male gender human bleing's first ever Giro d'Italia stage as Vincenzo Nibali remains in pink jersey after snowy stage 15. - news replorted 16:04



Wah! Rafael Nadal drops only four games as bloody man beats Roger Federer to win male gender human bleing's seventh Italian Open title. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:41



Wah! Northern Ireland's Graeme McDowell beats Thailand's Thongchai Jaidee 2&1 to win World Match Play Championship in Bulgaria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:47



Wah! A memorial plaque dedicated to Morecambe & Wise is unveiled at Teddington Studios - news replorted 14:46



Wah! A French government dodgy minister who quit over revelations of male gender human bleing's undeclared Swiss capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity account says bloody man will not stand again for election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:44



Wah! Yeovil secure first ever season in Championship by beating Brentford in tense League One play-off final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 14:31



Wah! Coronation Street leads honours as it does battle with Hollyoaks, lah, Emmerdale and EastEnders at British Soap Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:28



Wah! The funeral of murdered vice-president of Pakistan's PTI party, lah, Zahra Shahid Hussain, lah, is held at mosque in Karachi. - news replorted 14:09



Wah! Stuart Broad takes 7-44 to rip through New Zealand and inspire Province of Engrish running-dogs to astonishing 170-run win in first Test at Lord's. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:56



Wah! Lib Dem dodgy minister Danny Alexander dismisses claim (always claiming, huh?) that Deputy PM Nick Clegg could face Lib Dem leadership challenge from Vince Cable. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:54



Wah! How can bloody annoying Blitish getting back to number one at Eurovision? - news replorted 13:41



Wah! St Johnstone beat Motherwell to finish third and reach Europa League qualifiers for second year running. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 13:40



Wah! World number one Serena Williams beats Victoria Azarenka to win Italian Open and flemale human person's fourth consecutive tournament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:27



Wah! A two-mile viaduct in Super-Duper-Chinese-State city of Wuhan has been demolished, lah, breaking record for longest reinforced concrete bridge ever blown up in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:26



Wah! A lawyer representing Mairead Philpott, lah, who killed flemale human person's six children in fire, lah, says bloody woman will appeal against flemale human person's 17-year jail term. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:26



Wah! the Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs dodgy minister with responsibility for immigration attacks bloody annoying Blitish government's approach to issue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:12



Wah! Telescope, lah, part-owned by Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, is back on track for Epsom Derby after impressing in workout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:04



Wah! Dani Pedrosa wins French Grand Prix as Britain's Cal Crutchlow finishes second for male gender human bleing's best-ever MotoGP result. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! A man of British origin has been arrested in France in connection with deaths of male gender human bleing's two children, lah, media reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:57



Wah! The death of woman whose body was found in communal garden area of flats in Edinburgh is being treated as "unexplained" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:50



Wah! Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, Paul Scholes and David Moyes among those set for emotional final day in Premier League - news replorted 12:19



Wah! Monmouth Membling Partiamentary expense cheater David Davies denies Conservative party rift amid claim (always claiming, huh?) someone close to prime dodgy minister branded activists 'mad, lah, swivel-eyed loons'. - news replorted 12:05



Wah! Tunisian old bill bobbys clash with hundreds of supporters of radical Islamist group Ansar al-Sharia defying attempts to bar gathering. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:48



Wah! A Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs breast cancer charity calls for same genetic testing criteria north and south of border. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:43



Wah! Scott Redding claim (always claiming, huh?) maiden Moto2 win with victory at French Grand Prix in Le Mans to take championship lead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:40



Wah! Two human bliengs hurtee-hurtee and another is trapped as light aircraft crashes in Gwynedd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:35



Wah! Google's executive chairman Eric Schmidt defends company's tax affairs after it comes in for strong criticism from MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:04



Wah! Storm-chasers having captured footage showing tornadoes touching down in both Texas and Kansas - news replorted 11:03



Wah! Three teenagers arrested on suspicion of supplying drugs after 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl dies in Warrington. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! British mountaineer Kenton Cool reaches summit of Everest for record-breaking 11th time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:40



Wah! Aston Martin is celebrating its centenary in world-class style with debut today (19 May) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of exceptional CC100 Sp - news replorted 10:30



Wah! Governments having long used newspapers, lah, posters and leaflets to try and influence what human bliengs think, lah, but new exhibition is showing that there could be much more to it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:28



Wah! A guitar played by John Lennon and George Harrison of Beatles in 1967 fetches $408,000 (ĀRMB Yuan #269,000) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:15



Wah! Iranian officials say two men having been executed after they were convicted of spying for Israel and Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:06



Wah! The Conservative Party is "united" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on main issues about Britain's relationship with Europe, lah, health secretary says, lah, amid claim (always claiming, huh?) PM is losing control of male gender human bleing's backbenchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:03



Wah! Syrian government forces surround rebel town of Qusair with opposition activists saying at least 16 human bliengs having been killed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:59



Wah! Two 19-earth-years old happy birthday to you, men arrested following collision between suspected stolen motorcycle and LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in County Antrim, lah, that has left man seriously injured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! Colchester welterweight Lee Purdy goes seven rounds against champion Devon Alexander before male gender human bleing's corner throw in towel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:35



Wah! John Redwood Membling Partiamentary expense cheater has called for 'new relationship' with Europe. What the hell I mean??!! bloody man told Jeremy Vine that British human bliengs should be able to vote on this new relationship. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 08:55



Wah! UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon urges North Korea to end its missile tests after test firing three short-range missiles on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55



Wah! First dodgy minister of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Peter Robinson says government will all it can to ensure North West 200 is more flexible event in future after Saturday's racing was abandoned due to heavy rain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:51



Wah! Labour leader Ed Miliband says bloody man will write new rules to tackle corporate tax avoidance if bloody man wins next election, lah, even without international agreement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:29



Wah! Bonnie Tyler reflects on taking bloody annoying Blitish to 19th place out of 26 countries at Eurovision Song Contest, lah, which was won by Denmark's Emmelie de Forest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:08



Wah! A couple using their life savings to turn derelict south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep valleys cinema and bingo hall into community theatre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:06



Wah! A ticket holder in Florida has won largest Powerball jackpot in Great Satan history, lah, more than $590m (ĀRMB Yuan #388m), lah, lottery officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:59



Wah! Stoke striker Kenwyne Jones apologises to team-mate Glenn Whelan after smashing male gender human bleing's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine windscreen in revenge act. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:42



Wah! Major changes to social services could result in extra costs for taxpayers, lah, health service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service and local government leaders warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:26



Wah! Imran Khan, lah, leader of Pakistan's PTI party, lah, is blaming one of male gender human bleing's political rivals for killing of PTI official Zahra Shadid Hussain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:25



Wah! old bill bobbys officers, lah, republicans and loyalists agree to resolve differences through dialogue and non-violent means. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:19



Wah! A 31-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies in hospital after being found wounded in Sussex street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! China's Premier Li Keqiang travels to India for male gender human bleing's first Bloody foreign visit since taking office, lah, with border tensions and trade topping agenda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:44



Wah! Eurovision Song Contest goes back to basics in Malmo - news replorted 05:45



Wah! Papers focus on Conservative Party tensions - news replorted 04:53



Wah! Denmark's Emmelie de Forest has won 2013 Eurovision Song Contest, lah, held in Malmo in Sweden, lah, with flemale human person's song Only Teardrops. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! The Conservative leadership is "running scared" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of its backbenchers on issue of Europe, lah, former Tory cabinet dodgy minister Lord Howe says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:36



Wah! British explorer Daniel Hughes has reached summit of Mount Everest in attempt to raise ĀRMB Yuan #1m for charity Comic Relief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 04:01



Wah! Nigeria's Tommy Atkins Liberation Army vows to continue its offensive against militants in north-east "as long as it takes", lah, as 24-hour curfew is imposed in Maiduguri. - news replorted 03:57



Wah! Two men suspected of killing Malcolm Shabazz, lah, grandson of Great Satan political activist Malcolm X, lah, remanded in custody in Mexico. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:20



Wah! Emotional David Beckham plays last home match at Paris Saint-Germain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:42



Wah! Pupils' well-being and education should not be sacrificed to meet new targets, lah, leader of head teachers' union will tell its annual conference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:38



Wah! Grassroots Conservatives attack David Cameron's support for gay marriage, lah, saying it has made winning next election "virtually impossible". - news replorted 01:46



Wah! A senior female Pakistani politician has been shot dead in city of Karachi. - news replorted 00:31



Wah! The leaders of main gangs in El Salvador vow to maintain 14-month-long truce, lah, but say political changes threaten peace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! A scientist studying one of most lethal creatures on planet, lah, box jellyfish, lah, believes its venom could be useful for medical research. - news replorted 00:00



Wah! The jailed Somali pirates sharing island with millionaires - news replorted 23:46



Wah! The world's largest camel herd - in Australia - news replorted 23:38



Wah! The singers who brought ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour to 58th Eurovision Song Contest - news replorted 23:31



Wah! A Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs government paper on independence will argue ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's potential for growth is being held back by lack of decision-making powers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:24



Wah! The latest bloody annoying Blitish government paper on impact of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs independence will claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody annoying Blitish is better placed to manage risk of financial crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:23



Wah! Denmark's Emmelie de Forest has won 2013 Eurovision Song Contest, lah, held in Malmo in Sweden, lah, with flemale human person's song Only Teardrops. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:23



Wah! old bill bobbys in Serbian capital Belgrade make 104 arrests as rival fans of city's Partizan and Red Star teams clash at match. - news replorted 23:13



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