LINGsCARS.com – Blog

I am Ling! Cheap new UK cars, life, noodles and fried rice… join in!

News BRICK: NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Grampian chief to stand down

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: The chief executive of NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Grampian, lah, which has been embroiled in staffing controversy, lah, announces male gender human bleing\’s early retirement.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Publishing new polluting info for the Honda Civic

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Honda CivicThe Honda Civic 1.6 i DTEC 16v (118bhp) S Hatchback 5dr 1597cc Diesel Manual has new environmental information today. I have updated! Pay attention, you are too slow :)

Honda CivicPhysical stock is always limited, as cars cannot be made to appear by magic, there are only so many sat in corner of field. So be brave, grab a bargain and avoid me having to make phone calls to disappointed people who have left decision too late. Remember that you have to pass finance before I can reserve you a car, so allow time for that!

EnvironmentCompared to improvements in the emissions of toxic pollutants, there has been less progress on reducing CO2 from cars. For a given type of fuel the CO2 emissions of a car are directly proportional to the quantity of fuel consumed. Until recently the average fuel consumption of new cars was unchanged relative to that in the mid 1980‘s. This was because while engines have become more efficient over this period, average vehicle mass has increased due to additional features to meet crash safety requirements and the widespread addition of features such as power assisted steering and air conditioning. However, there are signs that in the last few years average fuel consumption has begun to drop in response to voluntary agreements by vehicle manufacturers to reduce CO2 emissions.

Hybrid vehicles combine an internal combustion engine with an electric motor and battery. There are various ways in which hybrid vehicles can operate. For example the electric motor can be used to provide additional power during acceleration and high load conditions. The battery can then be recharged by the internal combustion engine or from energy absorbed during braking, or, in some cases, from an external electrical supply. Hybrid vehicles offer reduced fuel consumption and CO2 with potentially some reduction in emissions of local pollutants.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Honda Civic Diesel Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 94g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Honda Civic is now 78mpg

The Honda Civic falls into the A A band overall.

My Honda Civic 1.6 i DTEC 16v (118bhp) S Hatchback 5dr 1597cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £232.44 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

HondaThis price on my Honda Civic includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £232.44 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Honda CivicSir Nicholas Stern, Head of the Government Economics Service, produced the UK Government Environmental Report on the Economics of Climate Change. I was so pleased to win an Environmental Award in 2008, myself. I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure. It is probably the case that my customers have the smallest environmental footprints of any new car customers in the UK!

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalSwitch off – sitting stationary is zero miles per gallon, switch off the engine whenever it is safe to do so.”

I get tired of typing out these comments, but… here’s one. “The website is great. I love the way everything is neatly organised and easy to understand.
Lynette Allen, Darlington, DL1 4NL
wolfatnight2003_@yahoo.co.uk

Don’t buy a mobile until you have checked out LINGsMOBILES.com. Loads of cheap phones, there.

LingsMobiles

News THRUST: VIDEO: Drinkers try Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation booze calculator

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News TICKLE: Paediatrician admits child sex abuse

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: A paediatrician from Greater Manchester admits grooming children online and sexually abusing young boys.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SCOFF: UN chief defends Ebola aid workers

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! UN chief Ban Ki-moon says discrimination against humanitarian workers who return home from Ebola crisis in West Africa is \”unacceptable\”.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News DAWDLE: Why Burgess will succeed – Lancaster

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Stuart Lancaster says Sam Burgess\’s \”mental toughness\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) can lead him to success in funny shape ball-game union.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

A headline FROM HELL: Wheelchair drag driver handed ban

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: A woman who was caught on CCTV dragging man in wheelchair behind flemale human person\’s LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine is handed two-year driving ban.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Lingified news: VIDEO: Policies face ‘family-friendly ‘checks

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: All new government policies in Province of Engrish running-dogs now having to undergo test to check whether they help families.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News YAMMER: Harris loses conviction appeal bid

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Entertainer Rolf Harris loses first round of legal challenge against male gender human bleing\’s conviction for indecent assaults.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

A headline FROM HELL: Life term for puppy farm murders

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! An 82-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is jailed for life for murdering male gender human bleing\’s partner and flemale human person\’s daughter who bloody man shot at close range at male gender human bleing\’s puppy farm in Surrey.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News SNACK: Banks may be forced to boost reserves

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: British banks may having to hold more funds to guard against risk of future economic downturn

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News whack: Mazda : Madzla INCREASES FIRST-HALF PROFITS

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Mazda Motor Corporation remains on course for another record year after reporting exceptional first half. Firecracker break! BANG BANG!

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Growing news: VIDEO: Zimbabwe’s crocodile farms

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Crocodile farming in Zimbabwe is expensive, lah, niche business, lah, as BBC\’s Brian Hungwe finds out.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Chrysler Grand Voyager Lease delivered to Stephen Binder in Speen

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Stephen Binder explains how they are getting on with their Chrysler Grand Voyager

Stephen says…
carLing – Glad to hear that your family are OK – such a tragedy (ref the earthquake in Sichuan – Ling).

Dealing with you has been a real pleasure! Each time I look at your website I find something new to make me smile – and the same goes for your envelopes (even something to brighten up the postman’s day). You are living proof that it IS possible to be professional and thorough and have fun at the same time. Good delivery of my Chrysler Voyager, very prompt and polite service.

Stephen Binder
Grubbins Lane
Speen
HP27 0SH

Chrysler Grand VoyagerEditor Note: Thanks so much for your concern for my family. My poor mum had to hide in the loo at the flat “exploded” around her, she said. Great to hear you enjoyed my service, we had fun, eh??? Have some fun in your Voyager, now :)Ling

Sniffing the news: Silva out of Manchester derby

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Manchester City\’s David Silva will miss Manchester derby and could be out for three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) with knee injury.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Toxic gases on the Audi A6

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Audi A6Fuel is a fortune these days, so when the Audi A6 2.0 TDI 16v (190bhp) Ultra SE Saloon 4dr 1968cc Diesel Manual has slightly changed figures, I always blog about it, because my customers say they care.

Audi A6This is very difficult for some people to control because of the damn human nature. But try to look at your car as a simple consumer goods, like a fridge or microwave. Who would get excited by a microwave…? Because these cars are so very, very cheap, often dealer makes just a tiny profit. Almost like handling fee. Me too. I work on numbers of cars, like airline ticket consolidators sell tickets.

EnvironmentMartin Callanan (Euro MP for the North East Region) said "Ling and her unique website LINGsCARS.com displays environmental information in a way that leads the UK motor industry. Following my discussions with her about greening the business, Ling has grasped the environmental nettle and is giving UK car buyers comprehensive environmental data on all new cars for sale in the UK to enable them to make an informed choice. LINGsCARS.com gives a fantastic amount of green information on her new cars, which the rest of the UK motor industry would do well to emulate. Using the internet is already the most energy efficient way of researching and buying a new car, so well done Ling for taking the personal responsibility to push this carbon data to the top of her agenda and to push environmental awareness a big step further"

Failure to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, render dealers liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. The same penalty exists for anyone who does not include all the appropriate test results in promotional literature. Trading Standards enforce point of sale information and should be contacted if you have concerns in this area. The Vehicle Certification Agency enforce the provision of information in advertising and promotional literature.

Enviroment LabelWorking it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 117g/km for the Audi A6 Diesel Manual. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Audi A6 is now 62mpg

The Audi A6 falls into the C C band overall.

My Audi A6 2.0 TDI 16v (190bhp) Ultra SE Saloon 4dr 1968cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £337.87 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

AudiThis price on my Audi A6 includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £337.87 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Audi A6The comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalTry to avoid using your car for short journeys – use public transport, ride a bicycle or walk.”

My website comment page is overflowing. This is one of my favourites. “I have recommended this site to many people, as you site is great.
Asha, Harrow, HA1 4DH
devilden2_@hotmail.com

You should know that I can now supply mobile phones HERE

LingsMobiles

News to me!: Warmest bloody annoying Blitish Halloween on record

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: This year\’s Halloween is warmest on record in UK, lah, with temperatures reaching as high as 23.5C, lah, breaking previous record of 20C.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Growing story: Costa set to make Chelsea return

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho confirms striker Diego Costa will be available for Saturday\’s Premier League game with QPR.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News BELLOW: Burkina Faso’s president resigns

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: Burkina Faso\’s President Blaise Compaore announces bloody man has resigned, lah, following violent protests at male gender human bleing\’s attempt to extend male gender human bleing\’s 27-year rule.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News BARK: Deadly blast at Nigeria bus station

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: At least eight human bliengs die in explosion at major bus station in Gombe state in north-eastern Nigeria, lah, witnesses tell BBC.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GULP: Vision for Prestwick Airport growth

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A long-term vision is set out for Prestwick Airport – year after it was taken into public ownership amid fears it could close.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News RAT: ‘Murdered’ man ambulance delay probe

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Delays in getting ambulance to alleged murder victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) in Wrexham being investigated by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs Ambulance Service.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News THIGH: Rockets ‘destroy chemical weapons’

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: A team has developed micro-sized rockets, lah, powered by seawater, lah, that can neutralise chemical and biological weapons.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News GUZZLE: VIDEO: Baby pandas wrestle with their keeper

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A breeder in China\’s Chendgu province was trying to give these two baby pandas medicine instead of their usual bamboo leaves- and they were having none of it.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Growing news: DUP to ‘bring welfare issue to head’

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: The DUP says it intends to bring controversial welfare reform issue \’to head\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) before Christmas if it is not resolved in current talks process.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News PIGLET: AUDIO: ‘Don’t praise struggling pupils’

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Popular teaching practices \”harmful to students\’ learning\”.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News ingurgitate: Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Rally GB : CHIRK CASTLE READY FOR RALLYFEST

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: \r\n \"RallyFest \r\n \r\n FIA World Rally Championship roars back into Chirk Castle for another family-friendly RallyFest on Saturday 15 Novem

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Mercedes A-class Lease delivered to Ann Stamp in Bodmin

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Ann Stamp in Bodmin. Bloody cat!

Ann says…
car“Totally seamless and friendly service, I was kept informed throughout by email. I would recommend LINGsCARS.com without any reservation – delivery was slick and prompt and the driver was very helpful explaining about all my new gizmos. My Mercedes A-Class arrived immaculately and very promptly. Thoroughly recommended!!”

Ann Stamp
Callaway Cottage
Warleggan
Bodmin
PL30 4HD

Mercedes A-ClassEditor Note: Hmmm, ANOTHER Internet professional! You are a Director of an Internet Credit Agency, Ann, so I put a big “+” sign next to any recommendation from you :) . Plus, how amazing that the delivery was exactly on time, considering you live in the middle of nowhere! Thanks again, enjoy the baby Benz car – Ling

NEWS from China: Blurred Lines arglingument to go to trial

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: A Great Satan judge rules long-running arglingument between Marvin Gaye\’s family, lah, Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams over claim (always claiming, huh?) of plagiarism should go to trial.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Hydrocarbon results for the Nissan Juke (new shape) have changed

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Nissan Juke (new shape)My system has alerted me that the Nissan Juke (new shape) 1.6 i 16v (93bhp) Visia Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Petrol Manual has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot.

Nissan Juke (new shape)How to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You know, you are not buying this car. Only renting it for (probably 1 or 2 or 3 years). So you are not stuck with it forever. So, you have no real risk. You are going to pay someone some money to run a car however you look at it.

EnvironmentChristopher Macgowan, Chief Executive of the SMMT wrote to me and said "Ling, thank you very much for giving us the opportunity at SMMT to look at the impact of the (environmental) label in a different media from the car showroom. We have always been aware that like the "white goods" label on which the car label is based, that its merits extend beyond the car showroom. In addition we know that the earlier in the buying process the purchaser thinks about low CO2 emissions the more consideration it will be given in the buying process. The industry is committed to seeing the environmental credentials of cars being widely publicised and the SMMT will continue to provide leadership in this area; as with all new initiatives in a huge industry like ours, it takes a bit of time to become widespread and universally available but please be in no doubt that the SMMT and I personally are determined to see the widespread use of the new label."

The external noise emitted by passenger cars has been controlled since 1929 when the Motor Cars (Excessive Noise) regulations were introduced. New cars are now required to meet Europe-wide noise limits. These have been progressively reduced from 82 decibels (dB(A)) in 1978 to the current limit of 74 dB(A) established in 1996. This means it would take 7 new vehicles to make the same amount of noise as a vehicle that just meets the pre-1978 limits.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Nissan Juke (new shape) Petrol Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 138g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Nissan Juke (new shape) is now 47mpg

The Nissan Juke (new shape) falls into the E E band overall.

My Nissan Juke (new shape) 1.6 i 16v (93bhp) Visia Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £161.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 47 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

NissanThis price on my Nissan Juke (new shape) includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £161.99 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Nissan Juke (new shape)Sir Nicholas Stern, Head of the Government Economics Service, produced the UK Government Environmental Report on the Economics of Climate Change. I was so pleased to win an Environmental Award in 2008, myself. I am determined that LINGsCARS.com will go further than anyone else in this industry to exceed the legal minimum information disclosure. It is probably the case that my customers have the smallest environmental footprints of any new car customers in the UK!

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalTry to avoid using your car for short journeys – use public transport, ride a bicycle or walk.”

I get tired of typing out these comments, but… here’s one. “Wow, this website has everything! Nce to see such an informative website lightened up with a great sense of humour. You’re the best, Ling!
Laura Freeman, Sheffield, S12 2FR
laura-freeman_@blueyonder.co.uk

Using a mobile phone is better than driving. You can buy the cheapest mobile deal HERE.

LingsMobiles

News GUZZLE: French town bans clowns after scares

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: A mayor in south of France bans clown disguises for month, lah, starting on Halloween, lah, after several violent incidents involving teenagers dressed as clowns.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS from China: Sex killer loses whole-life appeal

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: A man who killed teenage girl by hanging flemale human person\’s at male gender human bleing\’s parents\’ house loses male gender human bleing\’s appeal against male gender human bleing\’s whole-life sentence.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: Terror sentences ‘were justified’

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Three men who challenged their special extended sentences for preparing terrorism offences lose their appeals.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News CLACK: Urgent advice sought on chief’s deal

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Government dodgy ministers seek advice as \”a matter of urgency\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from auditors who blocked ÂRMB Yuan #330,000 pay-off for Wales\’ highest paid council chief.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News SARDINE: IAM – Institute of Advanced Motorists : bloody Engrish AND Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs wanting Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs DRINK-DRIVE LAWS

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! A recent survey by Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has found more than two-thirds (68 per cent) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of those who c

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News breaker: VIDEO: Sixty years of British animation film

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? It has been 60 years since animated adaptation of George Orwell\’s \’Animal Farm\’ – first British animation film.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News swallow: Dench and Watson honoured in LA

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Actors Dame Judi Dench, lah, Emma Watson and Robert Downey Junior among stars honoured at Britannia Awards hosted by Bafta in LA.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Not about cars: Government to ‘retire’ some WW1 debt

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: The bloody annoying Blitish Government has said that it will \’retire\’ ÂRMB Yuan #218m of UK\’s ÂRMB Yuan #2bn First World fighty bang-bang debt by refinancing bonds issued in 1917. It is first payment of its kind for 67 years.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News FANNY: old bill bobbys boss in gross misconduct probe

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: A old bill bobbys chief will face internal charge of gross misconduct after allegation of inappropriate behaviour towards women.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News THRUST: Hammer robber steals mayor’s chains

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: A hammer-wielding robber takes ceremonial chains of mayor of Bury in violent attack.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Audi A6 Saloon Lease delivered to Mark Bulmer in Washington

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I have 1528 customer letters! This one was sent by Mark Bulmer after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Audi A6 Saloon

Mark says…
CarDear Ling,

This Audi A6 Saloon 2.7 Tdi V6 177bhp Le Mans Saloon is the second car I have leased through LINGsCARS, and I can safely say that I would not consider using another leasing firm. Your no-nonsense approach is very refreshing and it is clear that your excellent support and customer service is based on a genuine interest in your customers’ satisfaction.

Thank you for making the process pain free and pleasurable, without any of the usual lease company flannel. Simple things like returning calls and giving unprompted regular updates on my order are greatly appreciated. I look forward to ordering my next lease vehicle from Lings in 2010 when my existing lease completes.

Mark Bulmer
CDM Recruitment
Armstrong House
District Two
Washington
NE37 1PR

 Editor Note: Mark, from a recruitment firm Director, this is a massive compliment, thanks. CDM Recruitment Ltd is a rapidly expanding, forward thinking recruitment company supplying staff to the construction industry and built environment. You now have a great posh car at a fantastic price. Also, you are quite local company. Maybe I will spot you driving around! See you in two years! – Ling

News NOSTRIL: Michelin : MICHELIN EATING OUT IN PUBS 2015

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? \r\n \"Michelin \r\n \r\n Michelin Eating Out In Pubs Guide 2015 will be available in bookshops from Friday 31st Octoblinger 2014, lah, priced at ÂRMB Yuan #13.9

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: VIDEO: Halloween: Sporting horrors of 2014

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: In honour of Halloween, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at some of 2014\’s more \’horrifying\’ moments, lah, including shocks, lah, slips, lah, trips and unexpected.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

I have updated CO2 for the Ford Fiesta

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Ford FiestaChanging this information for the Ford Fiesta 1.0 EcoBoost (123bhp) Zetec S Hatchback 3dr 999cc Petrol Manual, I noticed most other websites still use old values. You should trust that I work harder to give you the correct info!

Ford FiestaSometimes you must resign yourself to fact that dealer will look after a retail customer first. Your delivery might be slightly delayed because they are fussing over a damn retail customer (paying £1000′s more than you), and you have to learn to relax. Most times these delays never happen, but sometimes they do, so I’m just preparing your brain and giving you tip.

EnvironmentCarbon Dioxide is the most important of the greenhouse gases which are contributing to Climate Change. Unless action is taken to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, such as Carbon Dioxide, the whole pattern of the World’s weather could change, increasing the frequency and intensity of heatwaves, floods, droughts and storms.

Biofuels also offer a way to reduce vehicles’ impacts on climate change. The fuels are not entirely CO2 neutral because of the energy used to grow and process crops, but they can offer substantial CO2 savings over fossil petrol and diesel. Today most biofuels are sold in a blends of up to 5% with fossil petrol and diesel . These are suitable for use in all vehicles. Fuel standards may be extended in the future to allow more than 5% if it is concluded that this is compatible with existing vehicles. Some manufacturers offer ‘flexi-fuel’ vehicles that can run on bioethanol blends up to E85 – a blend of 85% bioethanol and 15% petrol, as well as fossil petrol.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Ford Fiesta Petrol Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 99g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Ford Fiesta is now mpg

The Ford Fiesta falls into the A A band overall.

My Ford Fiesta 1.0 EcoBoost (123bhp) Zetec S Hatchback 3dr 999cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £167.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

FordThis price on my Ford Fiesta includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £167.99 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Ford FiestaOne of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalUse higher gears, as soon as traffic conditions allow.”

I have so many of these website comments, they are overflowing on my desk! “Damn you Ling! Despite being drawn in by your website I turn up at Gosforth, Newcastle to test-drive a car and what do I see? Ling’s Nuclear Rocket Truck on the horizon! Your link has been emailed around friends/family/work colleagues – you funny but also make good sense!
Phil Hughes, Newcastle, NE6 5TD
phabr_@yahoo.co.uk

If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE

LingsMobiles

NOT the NEWS: Jaguar Land Rover : STARS OF INVICTUS GAMES TAKE CENTRE STAGE AT London (capital of Great England) LORD MAYORâ??S SHOW WITH Jagluar AND LAND ROVER

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: \r\n \"Stars \r\n \r\n Four stars of British Invictus Games team will take centre stage in London (capital of Great England) on Saturday 8 Novemblinger as they line up i

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

NEWS EXPLOIT: Lawsuit over Malaysia missing plane

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Two children whose father was on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 which disappeared file lawsuit against airline and Malaysia\’s government.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Headlines again: Hungary shelves toxic internet tax

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Hungary shelves proposed tax on internet data traffic after tens of thousands of Hungarians marched against it.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

LingNews: Two human bliengs killed in LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine crash

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Two human bliengs having died after LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine crash near Wrexham on Thursday night.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Helping the news: VIDEO: makeshift ‘protection’ for Ebola

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: The BBC\’s Anne Soy reports from Ghana, lah, where health care workers in one hospital serving Liberian refugees having had to using rain coats instead of proper protective gear against Ebola.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News KITTEN: Bomb alert in fast food restaurant

Posted on | October 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: A controlled explosion is carried out in Lurgan after discovery of suspicious package in fast food restaurant.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A paediatrician from Greater Manchester admits grooming children online and sexually abusing young boys. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:43



Wah! LATEST:  Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:39



Wah! The chief executive of NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Grampian, lah, which has been embroiled in staffing controversy, lah, announces male gender human bleing's early retirement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:34



Wah! Bottles of whisky having been removed from shops for containing high levels of antifreeze ingredient propylene glycol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! How often is it used? - news replorted 15:33



Wah! The BBC's Head of TV refuses to make formal apology over Top Gear special filmed in Argentina, lah, after demands from country's ambassador to Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 15:27



Wah! Labour's Alan Billings wins by-election for old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) Commissioner for South Yorkshire, lah, following resignation of Shaun Wright. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:03



Wah! A Pennsylvania man accused of killing old bill bobbys officer before leading authorities on seven-week manhunt is charged with murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:59



Wah! Anti-corruption investigators in China confirm finding of equivalent of $33m in cash at official's home - biggest such haul to date. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:53



Wah! Ofsted is unlikely to win any popularity contests, lah, chief inspector has admitted in speech. - news replorted 14:50



Wah! British banks may having to hold more funds to guard against risk of future economic downturn - news replorted 14:34



Wah! An 82-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is jailed for life for murdering male gender human bleing's partner and flemale human person's daughter who bloody man shot at close range at male gender human bleing's puppy farm in Surrey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:34



Wah! Entertainer Rolf Harris loses first round of legal challenge against male gender human bleing's conviction for indecent assaults. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! All new government policies in Province of Engrish running-dogs now having to undergo test to check whether they help families. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:59



Wah! A woman who was caught on CCTV dragging man in wheelchair behind flemale human person's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine is handed two-year driving ban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:42



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Stuart Lancaster says Sam Burgess's "mental toughness" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) can lead him to success in funny shape ball-game union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:40



Wah! Burkina Faso's President Blaise Compaore announces bloody man has resigned, lah, following violent protests at male gender human bleing's attempt to extend male gender human bleing's 27-year rule. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! UN chief Ban Ki-moon says discrimination against humanitarian workers who return home from Ebola crisis in West Africa is "unacceptable". - news replorted 13:31



Wah! Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho confirms striker Diego Costa will be available for Saturday's Premier League game with QPr. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:30



Wah! This year's Halloween is warmest on record in UK, lah, with temperatures reaching as high as 23.5C, lah, breaking previous record of 20c. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Manchester City's David Silva will miss Manchester derby and could be out for three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) with knee injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Crocodile farming in Zimbabwe is expensive, lah, niche business, lah, as BBC's Brian Hungwe finds out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:23



Wah! Lee Westwood posts hole-in-one in second round 65 to move into third, lah, three shots behind Billy Hurley III, lah, in Kuala Lumpur. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:16



Wah! Mazda Motor Corporation remains on course for another record year after reporting exceptional first half. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger admits bloody man is concerned by male gender human bleing's players' using of social media site Twitter, lah, plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:52



Wah! The DUP says it intends to bring controversial welfare reform issue 'to head" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) before Christmas if it is not resolved in current talks process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:29



Wah! The funeral is held for actor who was face of Father Christmas in famous Coca-Cola advertising campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:28



Wah! Citroën awarded GreenFleet City LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Manufacturer of Year Citroën has been honoured with two key GreenFleet awards, lah, which recognise both company’s expanding range of efficien - news replorted 12:28



Wah! A breeder in China's Chendgu province was trying to give these two baby pandas medicine instead of their usual bamboo leaves- and they were having none of it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:23



Wah! A team has developed micro-sized rockets, lah, powered by seawater, lah, that can neutralise chemical and biological weapons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Wallace & Gromit Anti-Pesto Van, lah, Beaulieu's On Screen Cars Wallace and Gromit Anti-Pesto Van is latest exhibit to arrive in Beaulieu’s On Screen Cars display. You give me happy happy luck luck. plasticin - news replorted 12:08



Wah! A musical version of hit 2002 British comedy film Bend It Like Beckham is to open in West End next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:07



Wah! P01 Festive Fill-Up By Richard Wheatland BEN, lah, automotive industry charity, lah, takes great pride in offering wide selection of automotive themed Christmas gree - news replorted 12:07



Wah! Over ÂRMB Yuan #3k raised in new BEN Challenge Event – Wing Walking Five supporters of BEN, lah, automotive industry charity, lah, flew high in skies as they took on challenge of Wing Wa - news replorted 12:06



Wah! Delays in getting ambulance to alleged murder victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) in Wrexham being investigated by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs Ambulance Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:02



Wah! A long-term vision is set out for Prestwick Airport - year after it was taken into public ownership amid fears it could close. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! At least eight human bliengs die in explosion at major bus station in Gombe state in north-eastern Nigeria, lah, witnesses tell BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 11:57



Wah! Ross Brawn at Royal Automobile Club Motoring Forum Ross Brawn OBE, lah, legend in contemporary motor racing, lah, admitted on Thursday that 1904 machine barely capable of sust - news replorted 11:44



Wah! Chris Everitt with male gender human bleing's Mlitslublishli Outlander PHEV capitalist entity that installs charging points for electric vehicling driving car machines has bought Mlitslublishli Outlander PHEV so that it can prac - news replorted 11:41



Wah! A year after last Remploy factory closed, lah, Nikki Fox looks at what has happened to former workers - and what options available to them - news replorted 11:35



Wah! Russia's central capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity raises interest rates to 9.5% from 8%, lah, much bigger rise than expected, lah, as it seeks to combat inflation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:32



Wah! Tracker urges LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine owners not to compromise on security protection Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Watchdog (30th Octoblinger 2014) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has yet again put spotlight on shocking risk of keyless LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine theft, lah, as technolog - news replorted 11:32



Wah! Software firm Drupal warns millions to "assume" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) they having been hacked if they having not applied patch for recently discovered bug. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:30



Wah! Drivers indifferent to changing tax disc rules More than half of motorists (61%) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! having not bothered to remove their paper tax disc from their windscreen month after t - news replorted 11:27



Wah! Infiniti Centre Newcastle Opening UK’s tenth Infiniti Centre was officially opened in Newcastle-upon-Tyne last night, lah, giving discerning North East mot - news replorted 11:21



Wah! Government dodgy ministers seek advice as "a matter of urgency" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from auditors who blocked ÂRMB Yuan #330,000 pay-off for Wales' highest paid council chief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! As 2014 World Superbike and World Supersport championships head to their respective conclusions this weekend at - news replorted 11:18



Wah! Three men who challenged their special extended sentences for preparing terrorism offences lose their appeals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:17



Wah! A man who killed teenage girl by hanging flemale human person's at male gender human bleing's parents' house loses male gender human bleing's appeal against male gender human bleing's whole-life sentence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! A mayor in south of France bans clown disguises for month, lah, starting on Halloween, lah, after several violent incidents involving teenagers dressed as clowns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:08



Wah! Counting begins in election of new old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) Commissioner for South Yorkshire, lah, following resignation of Shaun Wright. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:04



Wah! The 2014 Klia Sportage - now available on Klia Rental Launching at 12 dealerships across UK, lah, Klia Motors bloody annoying Blitish Ltd., lah, is now able to offer flexible rental solution to both r - news replorted 10:54



Wah! A Great Satan judge rules long-running arglingument between Marvin Gaye's family, lah, Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams over claim (always claiming, huh?) of plagiarism should go to trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! RallyFest at Chirk Castle FIA World Rally Championship roars back into Chirk Castle for another family-friendly RallyFest on Saturday 15 Novem - news replorted 10:40



Wah! Popular teaching practices "harmful to students' learning". - news replorted 10:26



Wah! A hammer-wielding robber takes ceremonial chains of mayor of Bury in violent attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:19



Wah! The Industry is behind licensing says IMI Almost 90% of professionals working in automotive retail sector agree that some form of licence to practise is neede - news replorted 10:16



Wah! A old bill bobbys chief will face internal charge of gross misconduct after allegation of inappropriate behaviour towards women. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:15



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish Government has said that it will 'retire' ÂRMB Yuan #218m of UK's ÂRMB Yuan #2bn First World fighty bang-bang debt by refinancing bonds issued in 1917. It is first payment of its kind for 67 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:07



Wah! Ĺ KODA vehicling driving car machine range Czech manufacturer Ĺ KODA remains on right track and continues to show profitable growth. In first nine month - news replorted 10:01



Wah! Actors Dame Judi Dench, lah, Emma Watson and Robert Downey Junior among stars honoured at Britannia Awards hosted by Bafta in La. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:57



Wah! It has been 60 years since animated adaptation of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' - first British animation film. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:44



Wah! Firefighters across Province of Engrish running-dogs to start four-day strike later in row over pensions during one of service's busiest weekends of year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! A recent survey by Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has found more than two-thirds (68 per cent) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of those who c - news replorted 09:40



Wah! Tickets for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sports Personality of Year 2014 in Glasgow go on sale on Friday 31 Octoblinger at 09:00 GMt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:32



Wah! Two human bliengs having died after LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash near Wrexham on Thursday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! The Japanese dance group using wearable technology to lighten up their act. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Wheeler, bloody dealering idiot place Lamborghini with Mike and Edd Motoring fans having voted Lamborghini Urraco as number one restoration completed by Wheeler Dealers Mike Brewer - news replorted 09:11



Wah! Hungary shelves proposed tax on internet data traffic after tens of thousands of Hungarians marched against it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:08



Wah! A bus capitalist entity run by two Rangers directors says it has safeguarded jobs at another bus firm which is understood to having ceased trading. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:43



Wah! Two children whose father was on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 which disappeared file lawsuit against airline and Malaysia's government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:40



Wah! Steven Gerrard says bloody man could join another club next summer if Liverpool not offer him new contract. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Click looks at some of week's technology highlights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Labour party is now seeking both new leader and new deputy leader following resignation of Anas Sarwar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:11



Wah! Stars of Invictus Games take centre stage Four stars of British Invictus Games team will take centre stage in London (capital of Great England) on Saturday 8 Novemblinger as they line up i - news replorted 08:00



Wah! In honour of Halloween, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at some of 2014's more 'horrifying' moments, lah, including shocks, lah, slips, lah, trips and unexpected. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:53



Wah! RBS will retain control of Ulster capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity and says it has velly damn good boiled chicken-feet market position that can deliver attractive returns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:49



Wah! A Japanese savoury snacks manufacturer is creating 100 new jobs at Deeside Enterprise Zone, lah, opening its first factory in Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has set aside ÂRMB Yuan #400m to cover costs into possible manipulation of Bloody foreign exchange market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:12



Wah! Burkina Faso's President Blaise Compaore says bloody man will stay in power for year under transitional government, lah, following day of violent protests demanding male gender human bleing's resignation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:07



Wah! Liverpool's miraculous turnaround in 2005 Champions League final has been voted as your as really velly special customer's #BBCDreamTicket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:06



Wah! The main body providing apprenticeships in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep is warning that budget cuts by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government will having "massively de-stabilising effect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on such programmes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:04



Wah! Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:57



Wah! Unmanned aircraft having been seen flying over many of France's nuclear stations and authorities don' knowing where they having come from. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! Lewis Hamilton on turning up pressure in male gender human bleing's title fight with Nico Rosberg and buzz of being back in America. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:40



Wah! A controlled explosion is carried out in Lurgan after discovery of suspicious package in fast food restaurant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:33



Wah! The BBC's Anne Soy reports from Ghana, lah, where health care workers in one hospital serving Liberian refugees having had to using rain coats instead of proper protective gear against Ebola. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:32



Wah! Michelin Pub Guide 2015 Michelin Eating Out In Pubs Guide 2015 will be available in bookshops from Friday 31st Octoblinger 2014, lah, priced at ÂRMB Yuan #13.9 - news replorted 06:30



Wah! The Wild Rabbit, lah, Michelin Eating Out in Pubs 2015 Pub of Year We delighted to announce that PUB OF YEAR in 2015 edition of Michelin Eating Out In Pubs Guide is Th - news replorted 06:30



Wah! More children who having talked about killing themselves contacting ChildLine for help, lah, counselling service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! One person remains missing after major blaze in Stafford fireworks factory that also leaves two human bliengs needing hospital treatment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:35



Wah! Bloody foreign dodgy minister Julie Bishop says bloody woman is committed to "normalising" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) relations between Australia and Fiji after nation's elections last month. - news replorted 04:23



Wah! The coastguard station at Brixham in Devon is closing later in shake-up of rescue services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:15



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama calls for "inclusive and credible" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) election process when Myanmar hold elections next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:38



Wah! Investment capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Citigroup puts aside extra $600m to cover legal expenses due to "rapidly evolving regulatory inquiries". - news replorted 02:43



Wah! Ramon Jimenez, lah, Philippines' tourism secretary, lah, says drop in numbers from China is not major concern because of growing visits from other countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:42



Wah! Officials with Doctors Without Borders having warned that some mandatory Great Satan state Ebola quarantines having "chilling effect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on operations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:36



Wah! Victims' groups expected to tell child abuse inquiry officials that Fiona Woolf should step down as its head as concerns about flemale human person's suitability persist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:35



Wah! It's Halloween and nowhere is it celebrated more than in Us. Eating rice!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Pop Up team went behind scenes at one of America's scariest haunted houses in Baton Rouge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:30



Wah! The first Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Paranormal Festival, lah, weekend celebrating UFOs, lah, ghosts and aliens, lah, is under way in Stirling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:18



Wah! The father of botanist from Argyll who went missing in Vietnam year ago asks anyone with any inflomination to come forward. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:16



Wah! How former Remploy workers struggle to find work - news replorted 02:13



Wah! Asian shares were trading higher on Friday after positive economic data from Great Satan showed strength in world's largest economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:08



Wah! A skin-eating fungus threatens salamanders and newts across Europe, lah, and probably arrived on pet amphibians imported from Asia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:00



Wah! Israel promises to reopen key Jerusalem holy site after closing it following shooting of Jewish activist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! A farmer who was fined last year for unlawfully slaughtering animals is fined again after dead cattle found on male gender human bleing's land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:40



Wah! Is moving house nightmare or life affirming? - news replorted 01:34



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government is not doing enough to tackle "petty corruption" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in countries to which it gives aid, lah, report by scrutiny body says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! As peace talks between Colombian government and Farc rebels enter their third year, lah, Vanessa Buschschluter asks what peaceful Colombia would look like. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:19



Wah! It has been one year since TV cameras started rolling in Court of Appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! But what has happened since? Legal Correspondent Clive Coleman investigates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish has signed up to limited strategic military action in Iraq against Islamic State - and there questions over its ability to much more, lah, says Jonathan Marcus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:12



Wah! Technology developed during World fighty bang-bang Two is to be used as back-up for GPS in ports across Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! The health workers volunteering to fight Ebola - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Where Ukraine's battle goes on despite ceasefire - news replorted 01:02



Wah! How Timothy Spall created 400 artworks for male gender human bleing's latest film - news replorted 00:59



Wah! Ofsted is in urgent need of independent review in light of concerns about its objectivity and reliability, lah, say local government leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! Tony Abbott comes under more pressure for not sending health workers to Africa to help fight Ebola after Great Satan offers to care for any who getting sick. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! A poll suggesting Labour "wipeout" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, continuing threat from Ebola and future of abuse inquiry chief make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! Teachers who try to encourage low-achieving students with lots of praise could harm their learning, lah, claim (always claiming, huh?) research into classroom tactics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Genetic factors could play important role in whether human bliengs survive or die from Ebola virus, lah, say Great Satan scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:36



Wah! Can Apple design guru Jony Ive turn smartwatch into hit? - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A look around new lab at Pirbright Institute in Surrey, lah, where world’s most contagious livestock viruses will be kept. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Laurie velly damn good boiled chicken-feete's fleeting role as Stormtrooper in Star Wars 38 years ago still has impact on male gender human bleing's life today - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Tips for disability-friendly Halloween - news replorted 00:07



Wah! The Magazine's weekly quiz of news, lah, 7 days 7 questions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! A young fashion designer from London (capital of Great England) has decided to mark Remembrance Day by creating special "poppy hijab" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Muslim women. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:02



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