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Tell me the news, Ling: Church of autonomous province of Guinness drinkers hit by theft spree

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Four parishes in County Down and Antrim having been targeted by thieves in run-up to Christmas, lah, according to Church of Ireland.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News PIGLET: Villiers’ rallying call on NI talks

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Secretary of State Theresa Villiers says it is \”make your as really velly special customer\’s mind up time\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Northern Ireland\’s political leaders ahead of cross-party talks.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Chinglish NEWS: Liverpool 2-2 Arsenal

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Martin Skrtel\’s header seven minutes into stoppage clock time result earns Liverpool draw against Arsenal in Premier League.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News BELLOW: VIDEO: Two NY old bill bobbys officers shot dead

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: Two New York City old bill bobbys officers shot dead in their patrol LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine by lone gunman in what appears to be ambush.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News SNACK: Boris flight passenger admits assault

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: An airline passenger who was calmed down by Boris Johnson on flight from Kuala Lumpur to Heathrow admits assault and being drunk on aircraft.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Citroen C1 Lease delivered to Adam Knee in Bristol

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Adam Knee show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if anything is wrong. So, no thanks to Adam Knee :)

Adam says…
CarThanks Ling. Had my car less than three weeks from proposal form. Car arrived in great condition and saves me a packet a petrol. My fiancé is about to order one. Excellent delivery.

Adam Knee
address withheld
Whitchurch
Bristol
BS14 ***

Citroen C1 airscapeEditor Note: Ad, I withhold your address because you are a police sergeant and I don’t want you getting hate mail from the police constables. I have already delivered a car to a high-ranking policeman in Bristol. You were a star customer under section 37, paragraph 19 of the Ling Customer Behaviour Act 2008. Enjoy the Citroen C1. Shame you didn’t get the Government pay rise in full this year, you could have had a C2! Hehehe – Ling

News NIBBLE: Renaultsport : TEAM HARD RACING SIGNS GALLAGHER FOR MAIDEN CLIO CUP SEASON

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: \r\n \"Kieran \r\n \r\n Former Dunlop MSA British Touring LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine Championship squad Team HARD Racing has become latest addition to Renliot

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

A headline FROM HELL: VIDEO: Advent calendar: Europe’s Ryder Cup

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! The moment Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs rookie Jamie Donaldson secures point that retains Ryder Cup for Europe at Gleneagles.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Newsy newsy: Man charged over PSNI LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine collision

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: A 39-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is charged with number of driving offences following road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu crash which hurtee-hurtee two old bill bobbys officers in Crossmaglen, lah, County Armagh.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

New Oxides of Nitrogen data on my Hyundai i40 Saloon

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Hyundai i40 SaloonGreat cars like the Hyundai i40 Saloon 1.7 CRDi 16v (113bhp) Blue drive Active Saloon 4dr 1685cc Diesel Manual jump out to me when I am checking environment data. This one has changed, so I type it here. I get a lot of these changes.

Hyundai i40 SaloonThis is very difficult for some people to control because of the damn human nature. But try to look at your car as a simple consumer goods, like a fridge or microwave. Who would get excited by a microwave…? Because these cars are so very, very cheap, often dealer makes just a tiny profit. Almost like handling fee. Me too. I work on numbers of cars, like airline ticket consolidators sell tickets.

EnvironmentI have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997. So I have some idea what I am talking about, here. How many other people in the UK motor industry can say that?

The different fuels have different merits from an environmental perspective. Compared to petrol, diesel vehicles have significantly lower CO2 emissions per kilometre traveled because of the higher efficiency of diesel engines and hence have a lower impact on climate change. Diesel vehicles also emit lower levels of CO and HC than equivalent petrol vehicles. However diesel engines emit greater levels of NOx and Particles than new petrol vehicles. As mentioned earlier, emissions of such pollutants are an air quality issue, particularly in urban areas.

Enviroment LabelI am pleased to say that the CO2 for the Hyundai i40 Saloon Diesel Manual is now 113g/km. If you chose a different trim level, the CO2 would change, but not by much. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Hyundai i40 Saloon is now 65mpg

The Hyundai i40 Saloon falls into the C C band overall.

My Hyundai i40 Saloon 1.7 CRDi 16v (113bhp) Blue drive Active Saloon 4dr 1685cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £245.30 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

HyundaiThis price on my Hyundai i40 Saloon includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £245.30 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Hyundai i40 SaloonThe comparative or "fridge" label, is compulsory in car showrooms – except you’ve got to DRIVE there to see it! I won an industry award for displaying it electronically for all website visitors. I am the proud winner of the 2008 Best Environmentalist 2008 Automotive Management Award. Like me, Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair talks straight about cars versus planes. "The usual horseshit", he says. One day, every car will be as Green as my Jolly Green Nuclear Missile Truck "Calm down dear!" – it’s only done 1,000 miles since 1970.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalTry to avoid using your car for short journeys – use public transport, ride a bicycle or walk.”

I have so many comments about my website, this one says; “I think your site is great. My uncle rented a car from you and he thought you had very good service.
Asha, Harrow, HA1 4DH
devilden2_@hotmail.com

Using a mobile phone is better than driving. You can buy the cheapest mobile deal HERE.

LingsMobiles

News QUACK: Photographer Jane Bown dies aged 89

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Photographer Jane Bown, lah, known for flemale human person\’s portraits of Queen, lah, Beatles and Samuel Beckett among many others, lah, dies aged 89.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Bottom feeder news: May targets student visa ‘abuse’

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Home Secretary Theresa May backs plan that would force Bloody foreign students to leave bloody annoying Blitish after their university courses, lah, in bid to curb illegal immigration.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NOT the NEWS: Pietersen shines in Big Bash defeat

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: Kevin Pietersen scores 66 from 46 balls but Melbourne beaten by Adelaide in Australian T20 Big Bash.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News breaker: Snapchat boss tearful at Sony hack

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel left \”devastated\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as plans for male gender human bleing\’s messaging app leaked as part of Sony Pictures hack.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News THRUST: VIDEO: Barzani praises forces on Sinjar

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? The Iraqi Kurdish leader Massoud Barzani has praised Peshmerga fighters on visit to Mount Sinjar, lah, which has been retaken from Islamic State militants.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News SNACK: Wasps 48-16 London (capital of Great England) Irish

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Andy velly damn good boiled chicken-feete scores 33 points as Wasps beat London (capital of Great England) Irish in their first match at their new home, lah, Coventry\’s Ricoh Arena.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: Crews bring major fire under control

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: Fire crews bring large blaze at industrial unit on Swansea enterprise zone under control.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Getting noticed: VIDEO: Elton and David’s social media marriage

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Sir Elton John and male gender human bleing\’s partner David Furnish having officially married, lah, nine years after they held their civil partnership ceremony.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News from Ling: The latest on Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News’s new responsive site

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: See latest version of Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News website

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News CLUCK: How German Christmas markets came to UK

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: How German markets captured UK\’s imagination

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Audi A3 (old Shape) Lease delivered to James Carboni in London

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Customers often send me letters, I have 1528 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from James Carboni

James says…
CarDon’t be put off by the crazy website, LINGsCARS is definitely a professional outfit! Ling keeps in contact with you and goes beyond normal service to help you.

What has really impressed me is the after-sales service. It is not a case of “here is your car, see you later”, Ling helped me out after a mix up at the dealer/finance company and worked tirelessly to help her customer.

I definitely recommend using her company – cheap, but service is not compromised. The dealer was OK, associated finance company was not.

James Carboni
Address Withheld
London
W2 ***

 Editor Note: James, oh dear, you had a bad experience with VW/Audi finance. Never mind, I sorted them out and rescued you from paying too much. It is a real shame that customers get treated like this by finance companies, they are just too big for their boots, they think that customers are there just to bleed money from, sometimes. Glad you are very happy now, I certainly will not abandon customers! – Ling

News QUACK: VIDEO: Shetland ponies race at Olympia

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Meet future star jockeys learning their trade racing Shetland Ponies at Olympia.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Spotting latest: Strictly final draws 11.5m viewers

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: A total of 11.5 million human bliengs watch as TV presenter Caroline Flack wins this year\’s series of BBC\’s Strictly Come Dancing.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

New CO2 figure for the BMW 1-Series

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

BMW 1-SeriesMaking your car greener is important, so it is nice when you can do it just by looking at the new BMW 1-Series 2.0 d 16v (214bhp) 125d M Sport Hatchback 5dr 1995cc Diesel Manual. The CO2 values have changed, making it more attractive.

BMW 1-SeriesHow to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You know, you are not buying this car. Only renting it for (probably 1 or 2 or 3 years). So you are not stuck with it forever. So, you have no real risk. You are going to pay someone some money to run a car however you look at it.

EnvironmentCarbon dioxide is a colorless gas which, when inhaled at high concentrations (a dangerous activity because of the associated asphyxiation risk), produces a sour taste in the mouth and a stinging sensation in the nose and throat. These effects result from the gas dissolving in the mucous membranes and saliva, forming a weak solution of carbonic acid. You may notice this sensation if you attempt to stifle a burp after drinking a carbonated drink. Burp! Ooooops!

Climate Change is recognised as one of the greatest environmental threats facing the World today and it has long been appreciated by Governments, that reducing the impact of the motor vehicle has an important part to play in addressing this threat.

Enviroment LabelThe CO2 for this BMW 1-Series Diesel Manual is better than it was, at just 129g/km. It is a bit different if you look at a slightly different trim level. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this BMW 1-Series is now 57mpg

The BMW 1-Series falls into the D D band overall.

My BMW 1-Series 2.0 d 16v (214bhp) 125d M Sport Hatchback 5dr 1995cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £255.04 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

BMWThis price on my BMW 1-Series includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £255.04 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

BMW 1-SeriesOne of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalKeep the pressure up – make sure the tyres are inflated to the correct pressure for the vehicle.”

Read this website comment. I really try my best! (email address altered) “Thank you so much for having such a fun and original website. This is one of the best sites I have been on. I have very much enjoyed my visit. I wish more people were as witty as you.
Shelley Enright, Sheffield, S26 5LX
bladesbird_@btinternet.com

Did you know I can make large savings on mobile phones? LINGsMOBILES.com is here.

LingsMobiles

News breaker: Newcastle United 0-1 Sunderland

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Adam Johnson scores in 90th minute to give Sunderland their fourth successive win over Newcastle in North East derby.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Kurds ‘take’ part of Sinjar from IS

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news event: Kurdish authorities say their forces having taken control of \”large area\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of town of Sinjar, lah, which was captured by Islamic State in August.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

NOT the NEWS: Man arrested over Meadows rape

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: A 22-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested and charged in connection with alleged rape of woman in Edinburgh last month.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News STOMACH: Ken Clarke attacks ‘silly’ EU debate

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Pro-Europeans having got to \”organise themselves properly\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to defeat \”silly\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) arguments for leaving EU, lah, former Conservative Chancellor Ken Clarke says.

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News BARK: Relatives mark Lockerbie anniversary

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: Relatives of 270 human bliengs who died in Lockerbie bombing to attend memorial service (???) I wan\’ service , I wan\’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in Washington to mark 26th anniversary.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Tell me the news, Ling: VIDEO: Bale scores in Real Club World Cup win

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Watch highlights of Real Madrid\’s 2-0 victory over Argentina\’s South American champions San Lorenzo in Club World Cup final.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News JABBER: Urgent inquiry into Clydach murders

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: An urgent inquiry into murders of Mandy Power, lah, flemale human person\’s daughters, lah, and mother is launched after new evidence is uncovered by lawyers of convicted killer David Morris.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News CAT: Dundee United 2-1 Celtic

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: Dundee United beat Celtic to go second in Premiership and move to within four points of league leaders.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

A headline FROM HELL: Elton John and David Furnish marry

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Musician Sir Elton John and male gender human bleing\’s partner David Furnish convert their civil partnership to marriage, lah, according to Mandleson privatising post machine system on Instagram website.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News from Ling: Flintoff struggles on Brisbane debut

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! Former Province of Engrish running-dogs captain Andrew Flintoff fails to impress on male gender human bleing\’s debut for Brisbane Heat in Australian Big Bash.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News CROW: VIDEO: Tunisia holds landmark election

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Voters in Tunisia choosing their first freely elected president in run-off election seen as landmark in country\’s move to democracy.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Bmw Z4 Roadster Lease delivered to Michelle Glencorse in Glasgow

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Michelle Glencorse in Glasgow. Bloody cat!

Michelle says…
car“Ling, thank you very much. Initially, I was a bit wary about parting with my money over a website, for a car!! However, this is one of the best examples of customer service I have seen for a long time. Hassle free and your sense of humour made me laugh. Very contactable too. Your dealer was excellent, a very friendly guy delivered my BMW Z4 on time.”

Michelle Glencorse
G/2, 31 Mount Stuart Street
Glasgow
G41 3AN

BMW Z4 RoadsterEditor Note: You know, last year I had my nephew staying with us (doing A-Levels) so I couldn’t have a 2-seater car… I had to have saloon car so I got 3-series. But I really wanted BMW Z4, with red leather. When my own contract comes up in 4-months, I will be getting BMW Z4, myself. I am quite jealous of you and your car, Michelle! – Ling

Blakeing news: Grieving mum’s distress at burglary

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: A grieving County Down mother speaks of flemale human person\’s distress at flemale human person\’s house being burgled, lah, just days after burial of flemale human person\’s daughter.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Possible enviro banding change on the Suzuki SX4 S-Cross

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Suzuki SX4 S-CrossCO2 CO2, CO2. It always seems to go up. The Suzuki SX4 S-Cross 1.6 i 16v (118bhp) SZ3 Station Wagon 5dr 1586cc Petrol Manual seems to have reversed this trend. If you choose one of these, you will be pleased. Lower CO2 means lower fuel consumption.

Suzuki SX4 S-CrossLocal franchised dealer will sort out any warranty problems for free, but on most contracts (except VW group) any VAT registered garage can service car very cheap. Don’t use manufacturer agents, they are damn expensive. You never have an MOT (except on occasional 3-year contracts), car is always too young.

EnvironmentIf showroom-based car dealers fail to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, it renders them liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. This is why dealers miraculously acheive these "minimum standards" – under threat of a £5,000 fine!

Failure to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, render dealers liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. The same penalty exists for anyone who does not include all the appropriate test results in promotional literature. Trading Standards enforce point of sale information and should be contacted if you have concerns in this area. The Vehicle Certification Agency enforce the provision of information in advertising and promotional literature.

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Suzuki SX4 S-Cross Petrol Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 127g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Suzuki SX4 S-Cross is now 51mpg

The Suzuki SX4 S-Cross falls into the D D band overall.

My Suzuki SX4 S-Cross 1.6 i 16v (118bhp) SZ3 Station Wagon 5dr 1586cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £185.50 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 47 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

SuzukiThis price on my Suzuki SX4 S-Cross includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £185.50 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Suzuki SX4 S-CrossWinning the environmental award (2008 Best Environmentalist in the car industry) was very pleasing for me as it meant I was being recognised for my hard work. I’m the the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! Please note I have pioneered availability of environmental information on the internet. Using the internet to research and buy new cars is the most environmentally friendly method, by miles.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalUse higher gears, as soon as traffic conditions allow.”

My website comment page is overflowing. This is one of my favourites. “I haven’t seen a site like this at all on the whole of the web or internet (which ever it is). If only there were more of you about we would all be rich (but then I suppose you would be broke). Anyway, this site is brill and now in my bookmarks.
Brett Hollis, Tibshelf, DE55 5LX
brett.hollis_@btinternet.com

If you need a mobile phone, I can find you the best price HERE

LingsMobiles

News QUACK: May ‘could disband child abuse panel’

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! The independent panel set up to support planned public inquiry into historical child abuse could be disbanded, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News PUNISH: Firefighters tackle city shop blaze

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? Fire crews tackling blaze at shop in Murraygate area of Dundee city centre with surroundings streets closed off.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Headlines again: Be honest on cuts, lah, says Mandelson

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Ex-Business Secretary Lord Mandelson tells Labour\’s shadow cabinet to \”play as team\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and be up front about spending cuts needed to their departments.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Growing news: Khan to visit Pakistan after attack

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! British boxer Amir Khan plans to travel to Pakistan to show support for 141 victims of school massacre in Peshawar.

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NEWS from China: Sheep ears bitten off in dog attack

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: A number of pedigree sheep having their ears chewed off and their faces bitten in dog attack.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News PUNISH: US ‘urges China’ to curb NK hacking

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: The Great Satan has asked China to curb North Korea\’s cyber-attacks after hacking of Sony Pictures over movie about Kim Jong-un, lah, Great Satan officials say.

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News spotter: Hartlepool reject Evans signing

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: League Two club Hartlepool reject chance to sign convicted rapist Ched Evans.

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News whack: Murder probe after death of man

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: A murder investigation is under way after man found with serious injuries in street in Glasgow\’s southside died in hospital.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News NOSTRIL: Jones confident over independence

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: The Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs public having right to decide what powers they wanting and what powers bloody annoying Blitish should have, lah, Carwyn Jones says.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Gimme News, DOG: Father Christmases invade pitch

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Twelve human bliengs dressed as Father Christmas invade pitch during silly kick-kick game match between Cheltenham Town and Portsmouth.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News DAWDLE: Video bans for diving ‘disaster’

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho says retrospective bans for diving in Premier League would be disaster.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Honda Civic Lease delivered to Gareth Hodgson in Paisely

Posted on | December 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I have 1528 customer letters! This one was sent by Gareth Hodgson after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Honda Civic

Gareth says…
carLing, my wife and I were very impressed with your service. Getting our car from you was a no-brainer. Monthly payments were half than if we bought the Honda Civic. We went to a dealer for a test drive, loved the car, then signed up with you. End to end in 3-weeks.

Your style is a refreshing change, very prompt at updates and answering questions. Love the LINGO system. I’ve already got family getting cars from you based on me raving about you. I look forward to getting my next car from you. Excellent delivery, Honda driver was very prompt and polite.

Gareth Hodgson
Address Withheld
Paisely
PA1 ***

Honda CivicEditor Note: I withhold your address for security because you do important stuff for Australia. Gareth, so pleased – you sound like a happy bunny with your Civic. You should not take advantage of dealers’ goodwill by using them as a test-drive facility (mmmmmpppfffff :) . Poor souls. LINGO – thanks so much for the comments, I put a hell of a lot of work into that. Now, I am dealing with being flooded with your family :) Enjoy that Honda! – Ling

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The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
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Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Two New York City old bill bobbys officers shot dead in their patrol LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine by lone gunman in what appears to be ambush. - news replorted 18:46



Wah! LATEST:  Martin Skrtel's header seven minutes into stoppage clock time result earns Liverpool draw against Arsenal in Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:34



Wah! Secretary of State Theresa Villiers says it is "make your as really velly special customer's mind up time" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Northern Ireland's political leaders ahead of cross-party talks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:31



Wah! Four parishes in County Down and Antrim having been targeted by thieves in run-up to Christmas, lah, according to Church of Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:29



Wah! Pakistan hangs four convicts in second set of executions since death penalty was reinstated after deadly Peshawar school massacre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:50



Wah! Home Secretary Theresa May backs plan that would force Bloody foreign students to leave bloody annoying Blitish after their university courses, lah, in bid to curb illegal immigration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:37



Wah! Photographer Jane Bown, lah, known for flemale human person's portraits of Queen, lah, Beatles and Samuel Beckett among many others, lah, dies aged 89. - news replorted 17:34



Wah! Aberdeen City Council announces it is to hold summit to look at challenges facing North Sea oil industry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:03



Wah! A 39-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is charged with number of driving offences following road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu crash which hurtee-hurtee two old bill bobbys officers in Crossmaglen, lah, County Armagh. - news replorted 16:53



Wah! Daniel Boettcher reports from Windsor, lah, where Sir Elton John and male gender human bleing's partner David Furnish having officially married, lah, nine years after their civil partnership ceremony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:25



Wah! Sir Elton John and male gender human bleing's partner David Furnish having officially married, lah, nine years after they held their civil partnership ceremony. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:02



Wah! Fire crews bring large blaze at industrial unit on Swansea enterprise zone under control. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 16:01



Wah! Andy velly damn good boiled chicken-feete scores 33 points as Wasps beat London (capital of Great England) Irish in their first match at their new home, lah, Coventry's Ricoh Arena. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:55



Wah! The Iraqi Kurdish leader Massoud Barzani has praised Peshmerga fighters on visit to Mount Sinjar, lah, which has been retaken from Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:37



Wah! Kurdish authorities say their forces having taken control of "large area" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of town of Sinjar, lah, which was captured by Islamic State in August. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:33



Wah! Adam Johnson scores in 90th minute to give Sunderland their fourth successive win over Newcastle in North East derby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:23



Wah! A total of 11.5 million human bliengs watch as TV presenter Caroline Flack wins this year's series of BBC's Strictly Come Dancing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:00



Wah! Dundee United beat Celtic to go second in Premiership and move to within four points of league leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:08



Wah! Fire crews tackling blaze at shop in Murraygate area of Dundee city centre with surroundings streets closed off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 13:41



Wah! The independent panel set up to support planned public inquiry into historical child abuse could be disbanded, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:39



Wah! Meet future star jockeys learning their trade racing Shetland Ponies at Olympia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:23



Wah! A grieving County Down mother speaks of flemale human person's distress at flemale human person's house being burgled, lah, just days after burial of flemale human person's daughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:17



Wah! Voters in Tunisia choosing their first freely elected president in run-off election seen as landmark in country's move to democracy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:10



Wah! A murder investigation is under way after man found with serious injuries in street in Glasgow's southside died in hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:47



Wah! League Two club Hartlepool reject chance to sign convicted rapist Ched Evans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:44



Wah! Former Province of Engrish running-dogs captain Andrew Flintoff fails to impress on male gender human bleing's debut for Brisbane Heat in Australian Big Bash. - news replorted 12:42



Wah! The Great Satan has asked China to curb North Korea's cyber-attacks after hacking of Sony Pictures over movie about Kim Jong-un, lah, Great Satan officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:35



Wah! A number of pedigree sheep having their ears chewed off and their faces bitten in dog attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:28



Wah! British boxer Amir Khan plans to travel to Pakistan to show support for 141 victims of school massacre in Peshawar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Ex-Business Secretary Lord Mandelson tells Labour's shadow cabinet to "play as team" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and be up front about spending cuts needed to their departments. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:21



Wah! Musician Sir Elton John and male gender human bleing's partner David Furnish convert their civil partnership to marriage, lah, according to Mandleson privatising post machine system on Instagram website. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:13



Wah! An urgent inquiry into murders of Mandy Power, lah, flemale human person's daughters, lah, and mother is launched after new evidence is uncovered by lawyers of convicted killer David Morris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:12



Wah! Watch highlights of Real Madrid's 2-0 victory over Argentina's South American champions San Lorenzo in Club World Cup final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:54



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama says "there is no justification" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for shooting dead of two policemen in New York, lah, amid tension over old bill bobbys tactics in city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:47



Wah! In United Kingdom solstice is little after 11pm on 21 Jesus-baby month Decemblinger this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:26



Wah! The Archbishop of Canterbury has said bloody man is trying to bridge split in Anglican Church over same-sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:06



Wah! Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho says retrospective bans for diving in Premier League would be disaster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Twelve human bliengs dressed as Father Christmas invade pitch during silly kick-kick game match between Cheltenham Town and Portsmouth. - news replorted 11:01



Wah! The Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs public having right to decide what powers they wanting and what powers bloody annoying Blitish should have, lah, Carwyn Jones says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:01



Wah! Relatives of 270 human bliengs who died in Lockerbie bombing to attend memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in Washington to mark 26th anniversary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Pro-Europeans having got to "organise themselves properly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to defeat "silly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) arguments for leaving EU, lah, former Conservative Chancellor Ken Clarke says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:57



Wah! A man is arrested after 28 year old dies after falling off Avon Gorge in Bristol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! A 22-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested and charged in connection with alleged rape of woman in Edinburgh last month. - news replorted 10:36



Wah! Former Australian batsman Matthew Hayden tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation that Kevin Pietersen should be in Province of Engrish running-dogs World Cup squad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:29



Wah! Former members of armed forces who sent to prison will be given more support, lah, Ministry of Justice says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:27



Wah! John Freeman was best known for male gender human bleing's direct interview style and spoke with Martin Luther King about assassination attempt that left him fighting for male gender human bleing's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:18



Wah! A 44-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after male gender human bleing's motorbike is involved in collision with van on A84 near Stirling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:04



Wah! How German markets captured UK's imagination - news replorted 10:04



Wah! An outbreak of norovirus leads to closure of four wards at Southampton General Hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:53



Wah! Emergency services dealing with fire at industrial unit in Swansea and area is sealed off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 09:47



Wah! Turkmenistan in Central Asia is one of most isolated and secretive states in world, lah, dissent is not tolerated and suspicion reigns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:22



Wah! Jordan executes 11 men convicted of murder, lah, ending eight-year moratorium on death penalty. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:13



Wah! The Cuban President, lah, Raul Castro, lah, has addressed closing session of parliament just days after announcing agreement with United States to re-establish diplomatic ties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:08



Wah! A free helpline offers support to victims of domestic abuse over Christmas and New Year holidays. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:12



Wah! Pakistan has announced it will execute more militant prisoners in next few days after lifting moratorium in response to Peshawar school massacre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:44



Wah! The Italian government is to spend around €200,000 (RMB Yuan #156,000) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! on new plinth for Michaelangelo's David to protect statue from earth tremors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:40



Wah! A man has been killed by old bill bobbys near city of Tours in central France, lah, after attacking officers with knife. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:36



Wah! The moment Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs rookie Jamie Donaldson secures point that retains Ryder Cup for Europe at Gleneagles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:25



Wah! Target times for ambulances to reach some seriously ill patients could be lengthened, lah, rice-paper officialing doumentlation leaked to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Tunisians set to vote for their first freely elected president in run-off election seen as landmark in country's move to democracy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:49



Wah! Restrictions on movement of poultry in East Yorkshire after outbreak of bird influenzingler achoo achoo at duck breeding farm lifted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:48



Wah! Former three-time heavyweight champion boxer Muhammad Ali has been taken to hospital with mild case of pneumonia, lah, male gender human bleing's spokesman says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:19



Wah! Australian authorities charge woman in northern city of Cairns with murder of seven of flemale human person's children and flemale human person's niece. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:43



Wah! Grief and determination after Taliban school massacre - news replorted 03:24



Wah! What Cuba's new pact with Great Satan means for everyday life - news replorted 02:54



Wah! Safe surgery with DIY essential - news replorted 02:09



Wah! The family with 34 children - and they're adding two more - news replorted 02:04



Wah! Ex-armed forces members who sent to prison will getting more support following review of how they treated, lah, Ministry of Justice says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby tells Desert Island Discs bloody man is trying to bridge split in Church over same-sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:04



Wah! The Great Satan says North Korea must admit "culpability" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for cyber-attack on Sony Pictures after North Korea suggests joint inquiry into attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! The Great Satan navy has developed robot that looks like fish, lah, but has high-tech surveillance equipment inside. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! The Anglican Archbishop of Jerusalem, lah, Suheil Dawani, lah, is head of diocese that covers much of Middle East and talked to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News about last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:44



Wah! Claims that NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Province of Engrish running-dogs may make target response times for ambulances longer, lah, and news on festive season blitz on drug-driving two of mixed bag of Sunday headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:39



Wah! Why mornings will keep getting darker after 21 Jesus-baby month Decemblinger - news replorted 00:22



Wah! Bloody foreign investors keen to deals with Turkmenistan but climate of fear silences dissent, lah, writes BBC's Abdujalil Abdurasulov in Ashgabat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:20



Wah! The number of nurses being trained in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has fallen to its lowest level for six years, lah, according to Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Conservatives. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! The strange things passengers leave on Tube - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Immediate action is needed to ensure pensioners in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land not afraid to put their heating on this winter, lah, according to SNp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 00:00



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