LINGsCARS.com – Blog

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NOT the NEWS: VIDEO: Geraldine McEwan dies aged 82

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: The actress, lah, Geraldine McEwan, lah, best known for playing Agatha Christie\’s Miss Marple, lah, has died at age of 82.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Volvo Xc90 Lease delivered to David Riddell in Stevenage

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from David Riddell. It was sent to me quite a while ago!

David says…
carDue to payment problems between the finance company and the dealership, the car took longer to arrive than anticipated. However, I was given a comparable loan car for the additional weeks.

Ling’s communication was excellent throughout, both email and by phone. It was worth the wait as the car is fantastic. I am disappointed that the dealer’s actions affected the end customer (me), but understand their predicament.

David Riddell
36 Whitney Drive
Stevenage
SG1 4BJ

Volvo XC90Editor Note: Yes… I was disappointed too, but I insisted you get a good hire car. The finance company was entirely to blame in this instance and it was sorted out eventually. These things happen, it is a shame the finance companies cannot improve slightly. But… you have your Volvo XC90, you have used lots of (free) miles on a hire car and now you are happy. Thanks so much for the very fair letter, David. – Ling

News BRICK: VIDEO: Bollywood star ‘succumbed’ to twitter

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Bollywood star Amitabh Bachchan says that bloody man has \”succumbed\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to social media as way to connect with male gender human bleing\’s fans and well-wishers.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News DAWDLE: VIDEO: Whitney Houston’s daughter in hospital

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Get your Chinlish news update here: The daughter of late singer, lah, Whitney Houston, lah, is recovering in hospital after being found unconscious in bath at flemale human person\’s home.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Harmful emissions on the Ford Focus ST

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Ford Focus STMy system has alerted me that the Ford Focus ST 2.0 TDi (185bhp) 1 Hatchback 5dr 1998cc Diesel Manual has changed today so I update my website and post here for the benefit of customers. No one else bothers with this stuff. I treat you like adult, not idiot.

Ford Focus STYou run this new car for 12, 18, 24 or 36 months depending on the term, and run it within an agreed mileage limit (usually 10,000, 15,000 or 20,000 miles per year, but different mileages are possible). If you exceed the mileage limit, you pay for extra miles at (typically) 4p – 10p per extra mile. This is known as the excess mileage rate.

EnvironmentA very important feature is to be able to compare many different cars – on my main car listing pages. No franchised dealer will allow this, as they are mainly representing just one brand, so how is the average customer expected to make comparative judgements?

Biofuels also offer a way to reduce vehicles’ impacts on climate change. The fuels are not entirely CO2 neutral because of the energy used to grow and process crops, but they can offer substantial CO2 savings over fossil petrol and diesel. Today most biofuels are sold in a blends of up to 5% with fossil petrol and diesel . These are suitable for use in all vehicles. Fuel standards may be extended in the future to allow more than 5% if it is concluded that this is compatible with existing vehicles. Some manufacturers offer ‘flexi-fuel’ vehicles that can run on bioethanol blends up to E85 – a blend of 85% bioethanol and 15% petrol, as well as fossil petrol.

Enviroment LabelWorking it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 110g/km for the Ford Focus ST Diesel Manual. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Ford Focus ST is now 67mpg

The Ford Focus ST falls into the B B band overall.

My Ford Focus ST 2.0 TDi (185bhp) 1 Hatchback 5dr 1998cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £269.99 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

FordThis price on my Ford Focus ST includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £269.99 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Ford Focus STOne of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalDrive smoothly and efficiently – harsh acceleration and heavy braking have a very significant effect on fuel consumption, driving more smoothly saves fuel.”

Read this website comment. I really try my best! (email address altered) “I’m not very familiar with the car hiring industry, but obviously you are running a fabulous business plus amazing website! As a Chinese, I do appreciate your ability and smartness. Wish you more success in the following days :)
Yu Wang, University of Essex, Colchester, CO4 3SQ
mcwang_@gmail.com

Did you know I can make large savings on mobile phones? LINGsMOBILES.com is here.

LingsMobiles

News GUZZLE: VIDEO: How did Greste end up in jail?

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Richard Galpin takes look back at arrest of journalist Peter Greste.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NOT the NEWS: Arsenal 5-0 Aston Villa

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: Arsenal move up to fifth in Premier League table courtesy of emphatic victory over struggling Aston Villa.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Man, lah, 72, lah, critical after boat fall

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: A 72-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is in critical condition in hospital after falling from boat off Penarth in Vale of Glamorgan.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News spotter: Greece: dangerous game

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! The BBC\’s Europe editor Gavin Hewitt says European officials and governments much more anxious about Greek drama than they letting on.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing story: Traumatic times for Jordan pilot’s family

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Jordan is rallying around family of captured pilot Moaz al-Kasasbeh, lah, held for more than 40 days by Islamic State jihadists, lah, Yolande Knell reports.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News KITTEN: Boy, lah, 12, lah, hurtee-hurtee in 30ft cliff fall

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A 12-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy is taken to hospital with head injuries after falling down cliff in East Sussex.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News CROW: Prop Grant returns to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land squad

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Glasgow prop Ryan Grant is added to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s Six Nations squad after being acquitted of assault charge.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SARDINE: Murray ‘melted down’ in final – Cash

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Andy Murray needs \”a velly damn good boiled chicken-feet, lah, hard look in mirror\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after male gender human bleing\’s Australian Open final defeat, lah, says former finalist Pat Cash.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News spotter: Journalist Greste ‘freed by Egypt’

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Jailed Australian al-Jazeera journalist Peter Greste is being released and deported from Egypt after 400 days in prison, lah, state media and old bill bobbys say.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News HORSE: Man in hospital after city stabbing

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: A 57-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is taken to hospital after being stabbed in west Belfast.

Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: Timberlake and Biel expecting baby

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Justin Timberlake reveals on Instagram that bloody man and Jessica Biel expecting their first child together.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Nissan X-trail Lease delivered to Paul Tarbrooke in Frome

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Paul Tarbrooke from Frome. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it!

Paul says…
carLing, when I first saw your website I was inclined to look elsewhere. Only later did I come back due to some competitive prices. Once hooked, I was very happy with the order process and the whole transaction was quick and efficient on my X-Trail. I am delighted to recommend you but do worry you may miss customers because of the first impressions created by your site. Car delivered with a fault. PDI… what PDI?

Paul Tarbrooke
The Arches, High Street
Rode
Frome
BA11 6NZ

Nissan X-TrailEditor Note: Grrrr, bloody Nissan dealer! You subsequently said: “Engine Management Light on. The error code was unknown to them, and the resolution was to “reprogram the system”; a process that took the best part of two hours. Apparently now the fault has been cleared – oh dear! Well, they claim it came on AFTER PDI, but this is just their view. So glad it got fixed straight away. I guess this can happen to any car. I made my feelings known to them, though. Apart from that, so happy you were happy with my service. Re the website – yes, it does polarise people, but hell – at least you don’t get bored! :)Ling

More news: McIlroy coasts to Dubai triumph

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Rory McIlroy earns three-shot victory at Dubai Desert Classic as bloody man is not seriously challenged on final day.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Hydrocarbon results for the Volkswagen Tiguan have changed

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Volkswagen TiguanIf you are interested in CO2 stuff, then read this. I have a new figure for the Volkswagen Tiguan 2.0 TDi BlueMotion Tech 16v (140bhp) Match 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel Automatic and I am updating it on my website now.

Volkswagen TiguanAs a bonus to add to your lower motoring costs, you will get every subsequent year’s road tax sent to you free of charge, saving you up to £385 per year, or £1,155 on a 3-year contract!

EnvironmentCarbon dioxide is a colorless gas which, when inhaled at high concentrations (a dangerous activity because of the associated asphyxiation risk), produces a sour taste in the mouth and a stinging sensation in the nose and throat. These effects result from the gas dissolving in the mucous membranes and saliva, forming a weak solution of carbonic acid. You may notice this sensation if you attempt to stifle a burp after drinking a carbonated drink. Burp! Ooooops!

EU Directive 1999/94/EC requires new car fuel consumption and CO2 emissions data to be made freely available to consumers. Car dealers are required to have a label showing the fuel consumption and CO2 emissions of each different model on display, either on or near the vehicle. Fuel consumption figures will be expressed both in litres per 100 kilometres (l/100 km) and in miles per gallon (mpg). The label will list the figures achieved in urban, extra-urban and combined conditions separately. From September of 2005, dealers had the option to produce a new "comparative" label. The new label shows the mandatory Fuel Consumption and CO2 figures mentioned previously, alongside information about the appropriate VED band for the vehicle. The new label is similar in design to the energy efficiency labels that appear on many ‘white goods’, such as fridge freezers

Enviroment LabelI have taken a typical model of this car from my website – the Volkswagen Tiguan Diesel Automatic. For this car, the CO2 is now just 158g/km. Other trim levels might differ slightly. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Volkswagen Tiguan is now 47mpg

The Volkswagen Tiguan falls into the G G band overall.

My Volkswagen Tiguan 2.0 TDi BlueMotion Tech 16v (140bhp) Match 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel Automatic gearbox is only £282.10 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 23 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

VolkswagenThis price on my Volkswagen Tiguan includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £282.10 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Volkswagen TiguanOne of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalLose weight – don’t carry unnecessary weight, remove roof racks when not in use.”

Here is a comment about my website (I have disguised the email address) “Really cool website, very different from others I have been on. Lots of interesting stuff.
Dot Gannon, Warrington, WA2 7EY
comps.gannon_@ntlworld.com

I have a mobile phone website, now… HERE

LingsMobiles

Spotting latest: Maude to stand down at election

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Breaking Chinglish news! Cabinet Office dodgy minister Francis Maude announces bloody man is to stand down at next election after 32 years as Conservative MP.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News BRICK: VIDEO: Murray vows to win in Australia 2016

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: British number one Andy Murray vows to return next year and finally break male gender human bleing\’s duck and win Australian Open after losing 2015 final to Novak Djokovic.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News RAT: Cherry-picker van hits rail bridge

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: A cherry-picker van crashes into railway bridge in Bradford causing delays to train services.

Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News TRICKLE: ‘Zouma reminds me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero of Desailly’

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: MOTD pundit Danny Murphy on how young Chelsea defender Kurt Zouma stood out in their draw against Manchester City.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS JUNCTURE: New cars unveiled at F1′s first test

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Formula 1 teams Mercedes, lah, Red Bull and Williams unveil their new cars on first day of pre-season testing at Jerez.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News MEOW: VIDEO: Hong Kong protesters return to streets

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: John Sudworth joins pro-democracy protesters as they return to streets of Hong Kong for first clock time result since mass Occupy demonstrations ended last year.

Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News ROAR: Morgan: I’m in charge, lah, not Gove

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: Education Secretary Nicky Morgan rejects claim (always claiming, huh?) flemale human person\’s predecessor Michael Gove is \”backseat driving\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) flemale human person\’s department as \”complete nonsense\”.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News STOMACH: Phoenix Nights’ Robbins ‘doing well’

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Phoenix Nights comedian Ted Robbins is \”doing well\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in hospital after collapsing on stage during show at Manchester Arena, lah, male gender human bleing\’s wife says.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS from China: US boy, lah, three, lah, shoots both parents

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: A three-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Great Satan boy shoots and injures male gender human bleing\’s mother and father with same bullet after pulling gun from flemale human person\’s handbag in New Mexico motel.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Growing story: First dodgy minister backs voter event

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: The first dodgy minister marks national voter registration week by urging human bliengs in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to register to vote in May\’s General Election.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News KITTEN: Pension tracing service (???) I wan’ service , I wan’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to expand

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: A free service (???) I wan\’ service , I wan\’ you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service which helping-helping human bliengs locate pension pots they having lost track of will triple its number of staff to meet record numbers of enquiries.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Renault Scenic Lease delivered to Terry Pauley in Birmingham

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I have 1528 customer letters! This one was sent by Terry Pauley after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Renault Scenic

Terry says…
CarNever leased a car before, but it was so easy and so cheap! Whenever I want a car, your web site will now always be the first place I look. The service is so great and the ability to have a live web chat with Ling is invaluable.

Terry Pauley
15 Saville Close
Rednall
Birmingham
B5 8EN

Renault Scenic XmodEditor Note: Terry, thanks for letter. I am glad you also tell me delivery driver was efficient and polite. Enjoy Scenic – Ling

Growing news: Sunday’s gossip column

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Pochettino\’s Spurs eye Rodriguez, lah, Premier League may punish Mourinho, lah, Reus wantings to work with Wenger, lah, plus more.

Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Ling’s Ford EcoSport environment info change

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Ford EcoSportFuel is a fortune these days, so when the Ford EcoSport 1.5 16v (112bhp) Zetec Station Wagon 5dr 1499cc Petrol Manual has slightly changed figures, I always blog about it, because my customers say they care.

Ford EcoSportYou need to insure the car fully comp, as normal with any new car. The car can be used for any purpose, or driven by anyone you choose. In effect, it is your own brand new car for the length of the hire period. You can even take it abroad. I tried to drive car to China once. That was damn big mistake. I suggest you do not use contract hire car for this.

EnvironmentBack to CO2 – there is no easy technical way to deal with CO2. The best way to reduce it and the other emissions is to use the car only when it is necessary and to walk or use public transport where possible. When you are choosing a vehicle and you have selected the most appropriate class of vehicle for your needs, choose the most fuel efficient vehicle in that group. This is where a franchised new car dealer really struggles. Is a Ford dealer really going to advise a customer to buy a lower-polluting Renault Megane? Did you know the fuel consumption of similar size cars can vary as much as 45%?

Failure to show fuel consumption labels on new cars on display, or to make available to potential buyers the results of the fuel consumption tests as listed in this booklet, render dealers liable on conviction to a fine of up to £5,000. The same penalty exists for anyone who does not include all the appropriate test results in promotional literature. Trading Standards enforce point of sale information and should be contacted if you have concerns in this area. The Vehicle Certification Agency enforce the provision of information in advertising and promotional literature.

Enviroment LabelWorking it out from the tables, the CO2 is just 149g/km for the Ford EcoSport Petrol Manual. There are a few cars in this range, so different specs will give slightly different CO2 values. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Ford EcoSport is now 44mpg

The Ford EcoSport falls into the F F band overall.

My Ford EcoSport 1.5 16v (112bhp) Zetec Station Wagon 5dr 1499cc Petrol Manual gearbox is only £175.40 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

FordThis price on my Ford EcoSport includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £175.40 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Ford EcoSportRemember I won the best non-franchise environmentalist 2008 in the Automotive Industry Awards. Don’t let these manufacturers fool you; LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! I have a Master’s Degree in Environmental Quality from Bournemouth Univeristy in 2000, plus a BSc in Applied Chemistry from Jinan University, Guanzhou in 1997.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalDo not compromise safety but be aware that the use of onboard electrical devices increases fuel consumption.”

I have hundreds of these comments on my website: “I haven’t seen a site like this at all on the whole of the web or internet (which ever it is). If only there were more of you about we would all be rich (but then I suppose you would be broke). Anyway, this site is brill and now in my bookmarks.
Brett Hollis, Tibshelf, DE55 5LX
brett.hollis_@btinternet.com

Did you know I can make large savings on mobile phones? LINGsMOBILES.com is here.

LingsMobiles

Glowing report: Jordan vow after hostage beheading

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: Jordan vows to all it can to secure release of pilot captured by IS, lah, after video appears to show beheading of Japanese hostage.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

What is new(S): Pedestrian dies after LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine collision

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglify your news updates: A pedestrian dies after being hit by LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine early on Sunday morning in Monmouthshire.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News to me!: Province of Engrish running-dogs thumped in tri-series final

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Province of Engrish running-dogs crumble to 112-run tri-series final defeat in their last competitive match before World Cup, lah, in Perth.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

BOP BOP NEWS: Sears in ‘Explicit Content’ T-shirt

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Andy Murray\’s fiancee Kim Sears makes light of flemale human person\’s outburst by wearing cheeky T-shirt at Australian Open final.

More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News STOOL: Man charged over ĀRMB Yuan #180k cocaine find

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: A 56-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is charged after ĀRMB Yuan #180,000 of suspected cocaine was found during search of house in north Belfast.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News TICKLE: Beavers’ return to rivers considered

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Can you understand Chinglish news? Beavers could return to Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs waters later this year centuries after they disappeared.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Being Twittered: Ex-minister: NI is not well governed

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A former dodgy minister under direct rule claim (always claiming, huh?) Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers is \”not well governed\”, lah, creating problems for its economy.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Leading the news: Climber dies in Highlands avalanche

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

News Chinglified from Ling: A climber from Suffolk dies after two men caught in avalanche on Coireag Dubh Mor in western Highlands.

Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News BAWL: Water main burst floods city streets

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? A burst water main in Leicester floods major road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu junction and is affecting supplies across city.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

NEWS from China: Fundraiser to meet mugging victim

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Latest news in Chinglish: A woman who set up fund-raising page for man who was mugged outside male gender human bleing\’s home is to meet victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) later as donations top ĀRMB Yuan #200k mark.

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Nissan X-trail Lease delivered to Mike Milton in Brighton

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Letter head
Visit my full letters page click here

I have 1528 customer letters! This one was sent by Mike Milton after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Nissan X-trail

Mike says…
car“Dear Ling,

I write to say a big thank you for all the effort you put into getting my Nissan X-Trail delivered to me.

For all prospective new customers out there, let me tell you that when I ordered my car from Ling Valentine, my mother was taken into hospital in the UK and I was taken ill in Spain! Against these odds, Ling was marvellous, she contacted me on my mobile and fax in Spain, keeping me informed of every detail, arranging my finance, delivery etc.

Because of my predicament of having to have an operation on my return to the UK, my car delivery had to be cancelled for one month. Thanks to Ling, she sorted everything out and my car duly arrived.

So, if you are thinking of leasing a car, I have no hesitation in recommending LINGsCARS.com and Ling Valentine.

As for the three Nissan dealers that I contacted for competitive quotes (to check against LINGsCARS), it took anything from one to six weeks just to get a quote – and guess what – Ling’s price was a lot cheaper. Once again, Ling, many thanks!”

Mike Milton
34 Tivoli Crescent
Brighton
BN1 5ND

Nissan X-TrailEditor Note: Mike, of course I look after you when you go into hospital, I am so glad you did not die! I woud have lost car sale!!! :) You are right about the Nissan dealers, most are very slow (I think they are the ones who are dying) – and for some reason, car dealers in general are terrible with emails. It takes them AGES to reply. Salesmen too busy stuffing cocaine up their noses. You are so kind to send me a lovely gift voucher which I will use to treat myself! Thanks – Ling

Bottom feeder news: ‘Rookie’ Hamilton set for deal talks

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! World champion Lewis Hamilton says bloody man knows male gender human bleing\’s \”worth\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as bloody man prepares for contract talks with Mercedes.

50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News TRICKLE: VIDEO: Balloonists in sea landing off Mexico

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Two pilots in helium balloon complete their Pacific crossing with sea-landing off Mexico, lah, setting two new milestones on six-day trip.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Emission figures on the Ford Focus

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Ford FocusEveryone moans that things go up and up and up. Well, the CO2 on the Ford Focus 1.6 TDCi 16v (113bhp) Zetec Navigator Hatchback 5dr 1560cc Diesel Manual has just come down! What a result! This post is to let you know.

Ford FocusWith my deals, you get a brand new car with zero miles on the clock, delivered to your door. The new car is fully taxed and has the full manufacturer’s warranty and AA cover. It has proper New Car Smell; you know this smell? MMMMM!

EnvironmentCarbon dioxide is a colorless gas which, when inhaled at high concentrations (a dangerous activity because of the associated asphyxiation risk), produces a sour taste in the mouth and a stinging sensation in the nose and throat. These effects result from the gas dissolving in the mucous membranes and saliva, forming a weak solution of carbonic acid. You may notice this sensation if you attempt to stifle a burp after drinking a carbonated drink. Burp! Ooooops!

EU Directive 1999/94/EC requires new car fuel consumption and CO2 emissions data to be made freely available to consumers. Car dealers are required to have a label showing the fuel consumption and CO2 emissions of each different model on display, either on or near the vehicle. Fuel consumption figures will be expressed both in litres per 100 kilometres (l/100 km) and in miles per gallon (mpg). The label will list the figures achieved in urban, extra-urban and combined conditions separately. From September of 2005, dealers had the option to produce a new "comparative" label. The new label shows the mandatory Fuel Consumption and CO2 figures mentioned previously, alongside information about the appropriate VED band for the vehicle. The new label is similar in design to the energy efficiency labels that appear on many ‘white goods’, such as fridge freezers

Enviroment LabelFor this brand new Ford Focus Diesel Manual, the latest CO2 figure is just 109g/km. When I chose this trim, it was because I have a few of these available. Different trims will have different CO2. Click on the “fridge label” to get a enviroment label to print for this car. The combined cycle economy for this Ford Focus is now 67mpg

The Ford Focus falls into the B B band overall.

My Ford Focus 1.6 TDCi 16v (113bhp) Zetec Navigator Hatchback 5dr 1560cc Diesel Manual gearbox is only £236.58 inc VAT per month with 3 months initial payment, followed by 35 payments on direct debit. Business customers, make sure you deduct the VAT, when making decisions. As I can’t tell what type of customer you are (business or private), I can’t display the price any other way but to show VAT seperately (sorry!).

FordThis price on my Ford Focus includes full road tax for the length of the contract, on all of my cars and vans! Free delivery to your home or work and free collection from you at the end! £236.58 inc VAT per month is based on you driving 10,000 miles per annum, but higher mileages are usually available at a small extra cost. If you go over the allocated miles, you can pay a small excess mileage charge, usually between 3p and 15p per mile.

Ford FocusOne of my best awards was the 2008 best non-franchise environmentalist, awarded by Automotive Management. The web is fickle, I have noticed LINGsCARS.com is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! My website won "BEST non-franchised WEBSITE 2007" in the Automotive Management Awards.

Here’s a patronising tip from the government: EnvironmentalUse air-conditioning sparingly – running air-conditioning continuously will increase fuel consumption significantly.”

I have so many of these website comments, they are overflowing on my desk! “Wicked!!! Your site is great and you are hilarious!!! Worth visiting for the humour.
Marie Balchin, Ceredigion, SA48 8BY
mariebalchin_@hotmail.com

Mobile phones are cheap alternatives to a car. Click HERE to visit my phone site.

LingsMobiles

News hoover: Greens reject Plaid call for votes

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: The leader of Greens in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep brushes off suggestions their supporters should vote for Plaid Cymru in seats nationalists could win.

Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News gorge: VIDEO: Mosques open doors to ‘ease tensions’

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: More than 20 mosques will be opening their doors to public on Sunday as part of campaign organised by Muslim Council of Britain.

Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News from Ling: Man scattering ashes swept out to sea

Posted on | February 1, 2015 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: A fifty-one-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is missing after being swept out to sea while scattering ashes in North Cornwall.

Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A 72-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is in critical condition in hospital after falling from boat off Penarth in Vale of Glamorgan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:27



Wah! LATEST:  Arsenal move up to fifth in Premier League table courtesy of emphatic victory over struggling Aston Villa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:20



Wah! Richard Galpin takes look back at arrest of journalist Peter Greste. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:11



Wah! Jailed Australian al-Jazeera journalist Peter Greste is being released and deported from Egypt after 400 days in prison, lah, state media and old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:32



Wah! Andy Murray needs "a velly damn good boiled chicken-feet, lah, hard look in mirror" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after male gender human bleing's Australian Open final defeat, lah, says former finalist Pat Cash. - news replorted 14:00



Wah! A cherry-picker van crashes into railway bridge in Bradford causing delays to train services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:17



Wah! Glasgow prop Ryan Grant is added to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's Six Nations squad after being acquitted of assault charge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:59



Wah! British number one Andy Murray vows to return next year and finally break male gender human bleing's duck and win Australian Open after losing 2015 final to Novak Djokovic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:59



Wah! Cabinet Office dodgy minister Francis Maude announces bloody man is to stand down at next election after 32 years as Conservative Mp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:57



Wah! Rory McIlroy earns three-shot victory at Dubai Desert Classic as bloody man is not seriously challenged on final day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Justin Timberlake reveals on Instagram that bloody man and Jessica Biel expecting their first child together. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:51



Wah! A 12-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy is taken to hospital with head injuries after falling down cliff in East Sussex. - news replorted 12:49



Wah! A 57-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is taken to hospital after being stabbed in west Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:49



Wah! Jordan is rallying around family of captured pilot Moaz al-Kasasbeh, lah, held for more than 40 days by Islamic State jihadists, lah, Yolande Knell reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:44



Wah! The BBC's Europe editor Gavin Hewitt says European officials and governments much more anxious about Greek drama than they letting on. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:40



Wah! A three-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Great Satan boy shoots and injures male gender human bleing's mother and father with same bullet after pulling gun from flemale human person's handbag in New Mexico motel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:25



Wah! Phoenix Nights comedian Ted Robbins is "doing well" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in hospital after collapsing on stage during show at Manchester Arena, lah, male gender human bleing's wife says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:07



Wah! Education Secretary Nicky Morgan rejects claim (always claiming, huh?) flemale human person's predecessor Michael Gove is "backseat driving" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) flemale human person's department as "complete nonsense". - news replorted 11:56



Wah! Andy Murray's fiancee Kim Sears makes light of flemale human person's outburst by wearing cheeky T-shirt at Australian Open final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:19



Wah! John Sudworth joins pro-democracy protesters as they return to streets of Hong Kong for first clock time result since mass Occupy demonstrations ended last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs crumble to 112-run tri-series final defeat in their last competitive match before World Cup, lah, in Perth. - news replorted 10:53



Wah! A pedestrian dies after being hit by LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine early on Sunday morning in Monmouthshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:45



Wah! Formula 1 teams Mercedes, lah, Red Bull and Williams unveil their new cars on first day of pre-season testing at Jerez. - news replorted 10:30



Wah! Jordan vows to all it can to secure release of pilot captured by IS, lah, after video appears to show beheading of Japanese hostage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:29



Wah! A woman who set up fund-raising page for man who was mugged outside male gender human bleing's home is to meet victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) later as donations top ĀRMB Yuan #200k mark. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:23



Wah! A burst water main in Leicester floods major road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu junction and is affecting supplies across city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:03



Wah! A climber from Suffolk dies after two men caught in avalanche on Coireag Dubh Mor in western Highlands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:00



Wah! A former dodgy minister under direct rule claim (always claiming, huh?) Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers is "not well governed", lah, creating problems for its economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:42



Wah! Beavers could return to Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs waters later this year centuries after they disappeared. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:39



Wah! A 56-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is charged after ĀRMB Yuan #180,000 of suspected cocaine was found during search of house in north Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:33



Wah! Australian PM Tony Abbott vows bloody man will learn lessons of election rout in Queensland but insists government is not "popularity contest". - news replorted 09:11



Wah! A fifty-one-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is missing after being swept out to sea while scattering ashes in North Cornwall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:05



Wah! More than 20 mosques will be opening their doors to public on Sunday as part of campaign organised by Muslim Council of Britain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:51



Wah! The leader of Greens in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep brushes off suggestions their supporters should vote for Plaid Cymru in seats nationalists could win. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:50



Wah! Boko Haram Islamist militants launch fresh assault on strategically important Nigerian city of Maiduguri, lah, eyewitnesses say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:27



Wah! An insurlince capitalist entity threatens to void policy of Christian dodgy minister who put religious stickers on flemale human person's car. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Two pilots in helium balloon complete their Pacific crossing with sea-landing off Mexico, lah, setting two new milestones on six-day trip. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 08:17



Wah! World champion Lewis Hamilton says bloody man knows male gender human bleing's "worth" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as bloody man prepares for contract talks with Mercedes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Pochettino's Spurs eye Rodriguez, lah, Premier League may punish Mourinho, lah, Reus wantings to work with Wenger, lah, plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:35



Wah! A British woman, lah, sentenced to death for drug smuggling in Bali, lah, has written to bloody annoying Blitish government asking for legal help or funding for appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:35



Wah! A free service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service which helping-helping human bliengs locate pension pots they having lost track of will triple its number of staff to meet record numbers of enquiries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:58



Wah! Pro-democracy protesters planning to rally in Hong Kong for first clock time result since Occupy mass demonstrations last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:22



Wah! Well-wishers donate more than ĀRMB Yuan #200,000 in four days to help disabled pensioner who was mugged outside male gender human bleing's Gateshead home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:51



Wah! All children in Province of Engrish running-dogs will need to knowing their 12 times table by clock time result they leave primary school under plans announced by education secretary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:10



Wah! New Jersey's Governor and Great Satan Republican presidential hopeful Chris Christie will start three-day visit to Britain and is due to meet PM David Cameron. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:01



Wah! The daughter of late singer, lah, Whitney Houston, lah, is recovering in hospital after being found unconscious in bath at flemale human person's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:43



Wah! The Labour party vows not to feature Prime dodgy minister David Cameron on billboards ahead of general election as it wantings to avoid negative personal campaigning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 01:41



Wah! A scheme that will using private contractors to rehabilitate prisoners who having served short sentences is due to start. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:22



Wah! Round-up of social media trends around world this week - news replorted 01:16



Wah! Mosques across bloody annoying Blitish will open their doors to public later in bid to "reach out to fellow Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons following tensions around terrorism". - news replorted 01:13



Wah! What could you tellibly lovely custlingmer buy for cost of Super Bowl ad? - news replorted 00:59



Wah! The body of woman - believed to be missing mother-of-four Samantha Henderson - found in Dorset lake, lah, had injuries showing bloody woman was violently attacked around head and neck, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:57



Wah! Jose Mourinho is adopting familiar tactics as bloody man plots Chelsea's route to Premier League title, lah, writes Phil McNulty. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:52



Wah! MOTD pundit Danny Murphy on how young Chelsea defender Kurt Zouma stood out in their draw against Manchester City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:48



Wah! Research leader defends three-person babies - news replorted 00:41



Wah! Sunday's press has reports of new initiative from Education Secretary Nicky Morgan, lah, while the Sunday Mirror carries statistics about child-on-child sex crime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:40



Wah! Lydia Ko becomes youngest world number one in golf history after reaching top of women's rankings aged 17. - news replorted 00:27



Wah! Playpens to drones - how to solve global drowning crisis - news replorted 00:23



Wah! The first dodgy minister marks national voter registration week by urging human bliengs in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to register to vote in May's General Election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! A plan for summit to look at challenges facing North Sea oil industry is announced by Aberdeen City Council. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:20



Wah! Bollywood star Amitabh Bachchan says that bloody man has "succumbed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to social media as way to connect with male gender human bleing's fans and well-wishers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The man who saved thousands of Jews then disappeared - news replorted 00:00



Wah! In 1930s Kuwait, lah, accusation that restaurant owner was serving cat meat caused uproar - but British diplomats rode to rescue of unlucky man, lah, writes Matthew Teller. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:00



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