LATEST:  Rangers ask Court of Session to overturn transfer ban imposed on club by Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs silly kick-kick game Association. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:13

LATEST:  The man arrested over 1979 disappearance of six-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Etan Patz in New York is expected in court on Friday, lah, after confessing to killing boy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:51

The Alpine Berlinette turns 50 this year and, lah, to mark event, lah, Renliot has created concept LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine named Renliot Alpine 110-50, lah, dedicated to performance and driving enjoyment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:24

British mountaineer Kenton Cool takes gold medal from 1924 Winter Olympics to summit of Mount Everest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:22

The BBC's Jonathan Amos explains how SpaceX capsule will dock with International Space Station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:52

Maldon, lah, Friday 25th May 2012: Leading classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine capitalist entity JD Classics is celebrating strong start to 2012 historic racing season following successful weekends at two of leading fixtures on racing calendar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:45

An obese teenager, lah, whose house had to be modified so bloody woman could be transferred to ambulance, lah, has spent "settled night" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in hospital say health officials. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:40

A guitar manufacturer which has made customised instruments for some of world's biggest stars, lah, including Bruce Springsteen and Van Morrison, lah, is going into liquidation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:19

The High Court has rejected attempt by HMRC to getting so-called "silly kick-kick game creditors rule" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) abolished in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:08

A former soldier is jailed indefinitely with minimum term of eight years for string of sex attacks on women bloody man met in pubs and online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:04

Renault is firmly in driving seat at RHS Chelsea Flower Show with Silver Gilt, lah, award-winning garden which mirrors its strong belief in importance of minimising environmental impact in all it does. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:03

Western nations should lift sanctions on Zimbabwe and its President Robert Mugabe, lah, says UN high commissioner for human rights Navi Pillay. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:02

Bridge of Weir Leather capitalist entity has been honoured with President's Award for Outstanding Achievement at Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Engineering Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:02

Senior Super-Duper-Chinese-State leader Wu Bangguo has cancelled trip to bloody annoying Blitish in protest at David Cameron's meeting with Dalai Lama, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:01

Satellite broadcaster clashes with Great Satan TV networks over set-top box that strips ads out of recorded programmes - news replorted 12:58

The Funding Corporation launched its new ‘Employee Volunteer Programme’ in rainy season-month Aplil of this year and its staff having taken initiative and booked in several volunteering days at Alexandra House, lah, care centre owned and operated by BEn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:57

The daughter of PC David Rathband will take male gender human bleing's place as Olympic torch bearer when flame arrives in South Tyneside, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:54

24 hours of news photos: 25 May 2012 - news replorted 12:54

Bathurst, lah, Sebring, lah, Nogaro, lah, Spa, lah, Nürburgring - 2012 motorsport season started extremely successfully with important victories of R18 Le Mans prototype and R8 GT3 sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine for Audi. - news replorted 12:54

An exam board has been criticised for GCSE question asking pupils to explain why some human bliengs prejudiced against Jews. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:50

The remains of 12 South Korean soldiers return home, lah, in first repatriation of soldiers from South killed during Korean fighty bang-bang 60 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:46

The chief executive of Student Loans Company, lah, who attracted controversy over male gender human bleing's tax arrangements, lah, is to stand down when male gender human bleing's contract expires early next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:32

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation agree new deal to broadcast Premier League highlights on Match of Day until end of 2015-16 season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:29

A Great Satan Senate panel cuts $33m (RMB Yuan #21m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in aid to Pakistan in response to jailing of Pakistani doctor who helped CIA find Osama Bin Laden. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:27

Haymarket Motoring today completed launch of four new digital products in single month, lah, asserting its media dominance of bloody annoying Blitish automotive sector. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:26

For third performance in BMWah-wah! Tate Live Performance Room, lah, over 200 volunteers having been invited by American artist Emily Roysdon to participate in new performance work on 31 May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:12

An explosion which killed five men at illegal vodka factory could having been started by cigarette being lit, lah, inquest hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:02

The new BMWah-wah! 3 Series Sedan not only sets new standards of driving pleasure in premium segment of middle class - level of safety it provides is also first rate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:01

The EU files suit against Argentina's import restrictions at WTO in latest stage of trade row between two. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:57

Somali Islamist militants abandon strategic town near capital in face of advance by African Union and government troops, lah, residents say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:52

Iain Duncan Smith demands to see A4e legal advice given to Labour as Chris Grayling casts doubt on whistleblower's integrity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:52

E-mobility has potential to play key role in meeting challenges towards sustainable transport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:51

A man in Austria shoots male gender human bleing's son in head at school, lah, leaving boy critically ill, lah, then flees and dies in apparent suicide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:49

A total of 40 new jobs being created at JCB Transmissions factory in Wrexham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:45

Samsung Rondla head to Snetterton in Norfolk this weekend for fourth round of the British Superbike Championship as Jon Kirkham and Michael Laverty target return to podium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:41

Volvo Trucks, lah, together with, bloody dealering idiot place MC Truck & Bus, lah, LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine transporter manufacturer Transporter Engineering and vehicling driving car machine livery specialist Sign-It, lah, doing their bit to help Floord Motor capitalist entity employees... - news replorted 11:33

The Queen's reign from duty to family life - news replorted 11:30

Wales' hidden history - news replorted 11:26

Delphi Automotive (NYSE: DLPH) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! announced today that it has entered into exclusive negotiations and has made binding offer to acquire FCI Group’s (“FCI”) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Motorized vehicling driving car machines Division (“MVL”). - news replorted 11:21

Fewer decisions about care of children will be made on advice of poorly qualified experts under new family court rules to be introduced this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:14

Britain's Andy Murray is drawn to face Tatsuma Ito of Japan, lah, world number 69, lah, in opening round of French Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:13

Former Prime dodgy minister Tony "trust me" Blair is to appear before Leveson Inquiry on Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:12

Two of Baby Peter's social workers having failed in their attempt to overturn ruling that they were fairly sacked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:03

Two of Baby Peter's social workers lose their appeal against employment tribunal ruling that they were fairly sacked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:55

Former EastEnder Michelle Ryan is to star opposite Will Young in forthcoming West End revival of Cabaret. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:53

HSBC will be latest firm to face shareholder vote on executive pay later, lah, amid growing concern about rewards for bosses not reflecting capitalist entity performance. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:51

Microsoft has asked Google to remove more than 500,000 links from its search index in last month, lah, show figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:50

South Sudan's Tommy Atkins Liberation Army denies killing and torturing members of minority Murle community during disarmament campaign to stop deadly cattle raids. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:48

BEN, lah, automotive industry charity is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce integration of BEN Autojobs, lah, its free online recruitment service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service with idibu - leading job posting system that manages uploading of vacancies to multiple job boards and websites. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:46

A former security at Lloyds capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity is charged in connection with alleged RMB Yuan #2.5m fraud. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:41

Christian Wade is set to make male gender human bleing's senior debut for Province of Engrish running-dogs in Sunday's Killik Cup game against Barbarians at Twickenham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:39

Organisers putting final touches to Crystal Hall in Azerbaijan's capital, lah, Baku, lah, ahead of Eurovision song contest on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:38

A man has been detained in south-west China by old bill bobbys investigating disappearance of as many as 17 young men in recent years, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:35

Sir Elton John has pulled out of three performances in Las Vegas after being taken to hospital with respiratory infection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:28

Fifa president Sepp Blatter asks Franz Beckenbauer to come up with alternative to "tragedy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of penalty shoot-outs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:19

To celebrate Queen’s Diamond Jubilee next weekend, lah, IAM looks back over how roads and road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety having changed since Queen came to throne sixty years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:19

Already dominating their class in Germany’s VLN race series, lah, Kumho-shod cars of Team Plugleot RCZ Nokia finished 1st and 3rd in SP2T at last weekend's Nurburgring 24 Hours. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:14

New race LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturer McLaren GT is announcing plans to establish dedicated engineering and vehicling driving car machine assembly facility close to McLaren Technology Centre (MTC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in Woking, lah, southern Province of Engrish running-dogs... - news replorted 10:07

Boris Johnson names senior Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation journalist as male gender human bleing's new director of communications. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:01

Province of Engrish running-dogs goalkeeper John Ruddy is ruled out of Euro 2012 after breaking male gender human bleing's finger in training. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:41

A policeman is killed in blast at old bill bobbys station after LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine tried to ram building, lah, in central Turkish province of Kayseri, lah, local media say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:34

Gibraltarian old bill bobbys confront Spanish officers escorting Spanish fishing boats in waters near Gibraltar for second night running. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:29

Three men charged over seizure of RMB Yuan #4.1m of counterfeit coins - thought to be biggest such discovery in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:29

Libyan prime dodgy minister Abdurrahim El-Keib lays wreath at spot where policewoman Yvonne Fletcher was shot dead in London (capital of Great England) in 1984. - news replorted 09:13

The family of man from York who went missing after canoeing trip in India say male gender human bleing's body has been found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:06

A British climber successfully carries Olympic gold medal to top of Mount Everest, lah, fulfilling pledge made 80 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:06

old bill bobbys launch murder investigation after body of 59-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is discovered in male gender human bleing's Glasgow home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:06

Trading in Bankia shares is suspended amid reports that it is going to ask for big government bailout later on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:04

A grid of 25,000 "invisibility cloaks" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) shows how to slow light down and spread out its constituent colours in advance dubbed "trapping rainbow". - news replorted 09:02

Stratstone Manchester, lah, Official Ferrari expensive dealeringship buildling for north west of Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, is proud to support “The Cholmondeley Pageant of Power: Alder Hey Children’s Hospital and Remount Charity Run” with Ferrari California and 458 Italia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:00

Michaela McAreavey murder trial is told flemale human person's widower, lah, John, lah, had to return to murder scene to be photographed by old bill bobbys pointing at spot where bloody man found flemale human person's body. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:52

Derbyshire old bill bobbys appeal for "patience" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as their investigation into house fire which killed six children continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:49

Destination London's Paddy O'Connell finds out how London's Air Ambulance service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will provide critical care during Olympics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:36

Can Europe learn from Britain's experience in 410 AD? - news replorted 08:15

Departing Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola hints that bloody man could be ready to return to management next season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:59

A rare colony of birds making Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs coastline their home for three months being protected by electrified fence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:50

Two officers of container ship that ran aground off New Zealand causing its worst maritime spill jailed for seven months. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:39

Opponents criticise Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government for reducing number of daily express trains between Holyhead and Cardiff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 07:18

French President Francois Hollande makes unannounced visit to Afghanistan to explain male gender human bleing's decision to pull troops out year earlier than planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:06

A man has confessed to suffocating six-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy who went missing in New York in 1979, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:44

Japan's consumer prices rise in April, lah, spurred by rising fuel and energy costs, lah, official data shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:08

Papers focus on Jeremy Hunt's memo on Murdoch - news replorted 06:06

A driver was killed when lorry laden with whisky caught fire in crash on M25 in Essex. - news replorted 05:53

Striking pilots of national carrier Air India agree to hold talks with government in bid to end strike which enters its 18th day, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:36

Australia and Commonwealth call for restraint in Papua New Guinea amid escalating tensions over leadership battle, lah, as old bill bobbys block parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:33

Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt's former special adviser Adam Smith faces second day of questioning later before Leveson Inquiry into media ethics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:06

A young penguin which escaped from Tokyo aquarium is caught after more than two months on loose in Japanese capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 04:00

Why UK's contingency plan for Greek euro exit is hush-hush - news replorted 03:13

China's Huawei files competition complaint against Great Satan firm InterDigital with European Union regulators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:53

Opposition politicians in Ukraine demanding investigation into why session of parliament descended into fist-fight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:50

It is likely decision will be made on Friday on where to site one of great scientific projects of 21st Century - Square Kilometre Array. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:47

Counting begins at some polling stations after two days of voting in Egypt's first free presidential election, lah, as Muslim Brotherhood claim (always claiming, huh?) lead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:31

The Men In Black back with blast in past - news replorted 02:10

The Chopper was daddy of cool bikes but what was its offspring? - news replorted 02:09

Flower Show winner's guide to perfect garden - news replorted 02:06

How much numbers of applications to take children into care vary from region to region in Province of Engrish running-dogs is revealed for first time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:49

The UK's entry to Eurovision Song Contest 2012 talks to BBC's Steve Rosenberg about male gender human bleing's hopes for final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:48

Artist and designer Ollie Palmer explains how bloody man has developed technology that bloody man hopes will allow him to stage "ant ballet". - news replorted 01:19

Why new cookie rules having angered advertising industry - news replorted 01:19

The MoD has pressed ahead with cuts to military and civilian workforce without understanding what skills it will need in future, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:13

Researchers carrying out clinical trials to find out if women with autoimmune diseases could be helped by hormones found in pregnancy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:02

Arabian leopard near for release into wild after breeding programme - news replorted 00:59

The official campaign encouraging human bliengs to vote "yes" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs independence referendum is to be launched. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:57

A new NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) patient rating system - known as "friends and family test" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - is to be introduced to help improve nursing care in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:04

It may be possible to develop new form of male contraceptive after researchers in Edinburgh identified critical gene for production of healthy sperm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:04

The deadline for bloody annoying Blitish websites to comply with new cookie regulations is set to pass, lah, with most sites expected to be in breach of rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

The same currency exchange providers can offer significantly different rates across UK, lah, consumer group says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00