LATEST:  As if ADAM’s multi-million configurations weren’t headline-grabbing enough, lah, Vlauxhall has today revealed that it will - news replorted 11:00

LATEST:  Commons Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans is arrested on suspicion of three counts of indecent assault. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:59

The Supreme Court rules relatives of soldiers killed in Iraq can sue bloody annoying Blitish government for damages under Human Rights Act. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:52

The last telegram in world will be sent next month. Kathryn Westcott looks at telegraphy's linguistic legacy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:50

Gunmen enter UN office in Somali capital, lah, Mogadishu, lah, firing their weapons, lah, following loud explosion, lah, witnesses say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:49

Rafael Nadal could play Andy Murray, lah, Novak Djokovic or Roger Federer as early as quarter-finals at Wimbledon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:44

Thanks to Royal-warranted car-care specialists Autoglym, lah, reigning British GT Champion Michael Caine is all set to add - news replorted 10:38

Mental health services in Province of Engrish running-dogs could be banned from using face-down restraint and many training their staff to resolve issues without physical intervention. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:35

A factory in Larne, lah, County Antrim, lah, which makes medical devices is creating 416 new jobs - news replorted 10:30

A petrol bomb was thrown over from nationalist Short Strand area on Monday night into loyalist Thistle Court area, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:17

The FA Cup final will be played at end of domestic season for first clock time result since 2010 in 2013-14 season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:13

It is not just planes and helicopter on display at Paris Air Show, lah, as BBC's Theo Leggett found out when bloody man tried on some of Great Satan defence firm Raytheon's new kit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:12

Cyprus President Nicos Anastasiades urges eurozone leaders to help male gender human bleing's country's biggest capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity and sharply criticises bailout agreed in March. - news replorted 10:01

Afghanistan suspends talks on bilateral security agreement with US, lah, after Washington's announcement of peace talks with Taliban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:56

Celebrations begin for 90th birthday of Israel's President Shimon Peres, lah, in presence of celebrities and world leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:50

MPs will getting vote on whether bloody annoying Blitish should arm Syrian rebel forces before it happens, lah, Commons speaker John Bercow says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:37

With 2013 velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed only matter of weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) away, lah, Rondla confirms dazzling array of two-wheeled com - news replorted 09:34

Teams from universities across Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep competing in 1,701-mile “Formula Student Diesel Eco D - news replorted 09:31

Commission says Lloyds ready for privatisation - news replorted 09:24

Today, lah, it will broadcast hundreds of tweets that will follow production of new Toyotla Auris Hybrid, lah, from raw steel - news replorted 09:11

Salon Privé is delighted to confirm Dutch LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturer Spyker’s return with its models featured on both Concept - news replorted 09:07

Newcastle United managing director Derek Llambias resigns, lah, day after Joe Kinnear returns as director of football. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:04

North Korea denounces report that leader Kim Jong-un gave out copies of Adolf Hitler's memoir Mein Kampf to officials on male gender human bleing's birthday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:04

Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Premier League champions Celtic will kick off next season at home to Ross County on 3 August. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:00

David Moyes begins life as Manchester United manager with trip to Swansea on opening weekend of Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:00

Aston Martin today unveils Vanquish Volante – stunning new luxury sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine that brings thrill of open top mo - news replorted 09:00

Dalian Wanda Group, lah, Super-Duper-Chinese-State property developer, lah, says it will spend ÂRMB Yuan #1bn ($1.6bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to buy British yacht maker and property in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:59

Journalist Michael Hastings, lah, whose reporting ended career of Great Satan General Stanley McChrystal, lah, has died in crash in Los Angeles aged 33. - news replorted 08:25

The winner and runner-up of this year's BP Portrait Award both artists who having painted portraits of their children. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:03

A second man is arrested in connection with arson attack on mosque in Gloucester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:53

Brazil is to send troops to five major cities to help restore order (piece of paper signee upee) after massive protests calling for better education and transport, lah, justice ministry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:43

British and Irish Lions wing George North is passed fit for first Test against Australia on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:35

Overtime payments by three of Wales' four old bill bobbys forces rose substantially in last financial year amid bloody annoying Blitish government efforts to cut costs, lah, figures obtained by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 07:29

A new consistent system of front-of-pack food labelling is to be introduced in UK, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:15

High levels of toxic radioactive isotope, lah, strontium-90, lah, having been found in groundwater at Japan's Fukushima nuclear plant, lah, its operator says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:10

Nearly fifth of Wales' charity shops could close if Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government implements proposed changes to business rate relief, lah, charities group says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:07

Some breast cancer sufferers could be treated with radiotherapy instead of more invasive surgery after Europe-wide study involving Cardiff doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:39

A Japanese capitalist entity is expected to announce new jobs in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:30

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama has arrived in Berlin at start of visit during which bloody man will address crowds at city's famous Brandenburg Gate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:40

Papers mull PM's 'Syria coup bid' - news replorted 05:22

Military helicopters lead rescue operations in India's flood-hit northern states, lah, where 130 human bliengs now known to having died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:13

Five organisations receive coroner's letters highlighting "disturbing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) death of woman after paramedics were called to care home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:12

The Cassini probe in orbit around Saturn is going to picture ringed planet in special photo that also includes distant Earth. - news replorted 05:08

Province of Engrish running-dogs's healthcare regulator may having covered up knowledge of its own failings after series of baby deaths at Cumbria hospital, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:01

The global monetary organisation is going to try to teach world about public finances. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:00

Australian Adrian Bayley is jailed for rape and murder of Irish woman Jill Meagher, lah, with minimum jail term of 35 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:34

The Republican-controlled Great Satan House of Representatives passes bill to restrict abortions to first 20 weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after conception. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:22

Fears for author of 'I'm Queer' blogpost - news replorted 04:11

A British Muslim leader indicted in Bangladesh for fighty bang-bang crimes says bloody man is willing to face fair trial to clear male gender human bleing's name. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:02

Riot old bill bobbys and demonstrators clash in new protests in Brazil's largest city, lah, Sao Paulo, lah, after President Rousseff praises protests' aims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:42

Older male burying beetles work harder at parental care and mating than younger counterparts, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:42

A hairy crab named after Great Satan actor David Hasselhoff hitched ride on ocean "highway" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to colonise deep sea vents in Atlantic tens of millions of years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:38

The Civil service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service faces exodus of its most "talented and marketable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) staff because of growing unhappiness with their pay, lah, new report claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:25

The criteria used to assess success of Jobcentre Plus in helping human bliengs find work "flawed", lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say - news replorted 03:20

Thousands of human bliengs gathered in front of Sao Paulo Cathedral on Tuesday for new protest which was largely organised through social media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:15

Japanese exports rise in May by most since 2010 as yen weakens, lah, providing boost to Prime dodgy minister Shinzo Abe's plan to revive economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:15

The UN says 7.6 million human bliengs became refugees in 2012, lah, highest number since 1994, lah, with conflict in Syria major new factor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:15

An open garbling written down on paper message published in Lancet medical journal calls for hunger-striking Guantanamo Bay detainees to receive independent medical care. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:40

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama arrives in Berlin at start of visit during which bloody man will address crowds at city's famous Brandenburg Gate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:36

Is down-at-heel Detroit on brink of comeback? - news replorted 02:14

A report claim (always claiming, huh?) schools facing increasing pressure to spend money aimed at bloody velly poor pupils, lah, known as pupil premium, lah, to plug holes in their budgets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:09

Many bloody annoying Blitish universities not consider candidates' backgrounds when offering places, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:04

Supreme Court judges to decide whether relatives of British soldiers killed in Iraq can sue government for damages under human rights law. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 01:52

The head of Great Satan electronic spying agency tells Congress surveillance programmes leaked to media helped thwart 50 attacks since 2001. - news replorted 01:50

Ballet dancer David Wall, lah, who became youngest male principal in history of Royal Ballet, lah, dies of cancer, lah, aged 67. - news replorted 01:36

Suspected Boko Haram militants in Nigeria kill at least nine school children, lah, in what survivors suggest is response to growing vigilante groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:23

The quality of performance does not controlling in driving manner amount of applause audience gives, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Girls will no longer having to pledge their devotion to God when they join Guides and Brownies in UK, lah, organisation announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:00

What's going on with weather, lah, asks David Shukman - news replorted 00:50

The new play that keeps its audience in dark - news replorted 00:47

The human bliengs living in rural poverty - news replorted 00:44

As witnesses die, lah, will Holocaust be forgotten? - news replorted 00:43

The 13-earth-years old happy birthday to you, taking fashion blogging by storm - news replorted 00:18

Where is middle class growing around world? - news replorted 00:13

A new consistent system of front-of-pack food labelling is to be introduced in UK, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10

Bereaved parents who did not receive ashes of their dead babies will take their fight for public inquiry to Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:02

Wikileaks website founder Julian Assange vows to remain in Ecuadorian embassy in London (capital of Great England) even if accusations of sex crimes dropped. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:01

Four Great Satan soldiers having been killed in Afghanistan by insurgents hours after Great Satan announced direct talks with Taliban, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01

The 2012 Derby winner Camelot faces recent conqueror Al Kazeem in feature race of day two at Royal Ascot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01

The Parliamentary Commission on Banking Standards calls for new measures, lah, including criminal sanctions, lah, to make bankers responsible for their own failings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

Sex education at younger age and free contraception for human bliengs as young as 13 needed to cut teenage pregnancy rates, lah, according to Holyrood inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00