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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

UK WARNING: Customers reporting many other internet prices hiding true lease costs! Beware dodgy companies selling high initial rental "6+" leases
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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
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DRAGONS' DEN
BANNATYNE MEETS LING
Bannatyne & Ling on TV "Oi, Bannatyne!!"
shouted Ling Valentine, as she rolled up to surprise the Scotch Dragon on the Newcastle Quayside in her German-flagged yellow "wasp".

Bannatyne & Ling Unsurprisingly, Duncan looked on in sheer disbelief. After all, it had been four years since Ling had arrived in the Den, taunted the Dragons with her outlandishly different marketing techniques. Ling walked away from a deal, turning down Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh.

Duncan Bannatyne

Since then, business for Ling has been booming! Turning over £35million worth of cars in 2010, it turns out that Ling really didn't seem to need the Dragons' money in the first place.

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10 seconds of Deborah Meaden on Ling


Duncan declined the offer of a lift from Ling, but did visit World Headquarters in Gateshead, to see first hand how Ling manages to churn out so many new cars each month.

He was greeted by a pile of cash; £50,000 to be exact, the same amount he and Richard had offered Ling in the first place. After falling victim to his Scotch blood and putting the cash in his suit pocket, Ling showed him around the office and allowed him a brief moment to glaze over the LINGsCARS accounts.

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2 minutes of Ling gobbing off


How to Win a Dragon on BBC2 That's when the Dragon began to spit flames. The summary of accounts that Ling had provided was not good enough, Duncan wanted to know EXACTLY what he'd missed out on, and demanded to speak to Ling's accountant.

Ling stood her ground, and a stalemate was reached, with Duncan settling for the Companies House accounts for LINGsCARS, finally realising the goldmine Ling had originally denied him.

Bannatyne on the Bridge Ling showed Bannatyne that his £25,000 investment would now have been worth £100,000 (plus his original £25k back). Bannatyne disputed these figures, though it's unsure what the BBC will show. Since the filming, Ling has completed her April 2011 accounts and can now prove that Bannatyne was utterly wrong to contradict her figures, which are correct.

Profit for LINGsCARS in the year 2010 to 2011 is in excess of £100,000!

Bannatyne at World HQ
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Ling's full 11 minute appearance on the programme

A BBC Book:

DRAGONS' DEN
SUCCESS
"from pitch to profit"




"Business lessons are brought to life through the insights and strategies of myself, the Dragons and the entrepreneurs"
- RICHARD FARLEIGH


A lesson in Sales and Marketing:
Ling Valentine and LINGsCARS.com


"Well, I have been featured as a chapter in a new BBC book. Here, you can read it. Hope you enjoy as much as the Dragons enjoyed my pitch! There's a clip, to the right..."- Ling!


You can download this chapter of the book (shown below) as a pdf to print, HERE (2.6 Mb)

You can buy this book (discounted) at Amazon, HERE



Extract from Dragons' Den, Success from pitch to profit...
A lesson in Sales and Marketing: Ling Valentine and LINGsCARS.com


Ling Valentine had been running her business LingsCars.com for about five years by the time she appeared before the Dragons in February 2007. With an entertaining and spirited pitch that managed to crack smiles on even the most stony of Dragon faces, Ling displayed charm and enthusiasm as well as a truly unique eye for marketing techniques. Her personality and skills led to both Richard Farleigh and Duncan Bannatyne offering to buy equity in her company, but that was only the start of the drama

The story of Ling's career is facinating: 'I was stuck in China as just another one of the 1.2 billion people competing for a thin slice of a small cake, so, having completed my BSc in Applied Chemistry, in 1996 I went to Finland to continue my studies,' she explains. While in Helsinki, Ling met future husband and business partner Jon through an early version of an internet chat room. Eventually, Ling flew to England for a visit and they drove around Europe together to meet other friends they had met through the same websites. 'Of course,' says Ling, 'we fell in love and that was that!'

After a protracted period of wading through red tape, Ling moved to Britain. While Jon ran a contract hire business, she returned to university and obtained an MSc in Environmental Protection. Finally, a move to Newcastle saw the pair decide to set up their own business and Lingscars.com was born. In simple terms, Ling offers individuals or businesses the opportunity to rent brand new cars over an extended period of time - usually between one to three years, with a mileage constraint built into the agreement. Ling scours car dealerships herself and showcases the best deals that she can find on her cluttered, blinking but delightful website that emphasises friendliness and approachability rather than corporate facelessness and difficult jargon.

The service has many advantages. Customers do not need significant finance to be able to use a brand new car for a few years, there is plenty of choice thanks to Ling's own research and there are attractive bonuses such as free road-tax for the duration of the contract. Quite apart from all that, Ling provides a personal and honest touch that many people clearly find refreshing and reassuring - a fact qualified by over 600 letters and emails of recommendation on the site.

It is Ling herself who is the focus of the branding of the company. 'Everyone always told me I have a weird character,' she explains. 'I am quite forceful and if I want something I just get it. So I thought: there are no Chinese birds selling cars in the UK, so why not simply market myself as a unique concept? I like to have fun and that is what is missing from car sales. I am confident enough that my service is quite simply the best in the UK, so I stuck my name and my head on the website!'

Ling has become justly well known for her bizarre and hugely inventive promotional ideas. The most famous, which Ling showcased in the Den, is her nuclear missile truck. 'It was really down to Tony Blair and George Bush,' she says. 'They were making so much of the "weapons of mass destruction" and I thought - I can do better than that! So I imported an ex-People's Liberation Army nuclear decontamination truck from China. It's lovely. It cost me £3,500 in total, plus VAT. It arrived on a boat from Shanghai.' Together, Ling and Jon built a missile and branded it with Ling's head and the name of the business. 'I parked it in Sedgefield and pointed it west, towards George Bush,' adds Ling triumphantly. 'When I finally had to move it I received hundreds of letters and emails from people saying they missed it!' The Angel of the North, it seems, has some competition.

'I live inside my website,' says Ling. 'It is everything to me. I really wanted the most thought -provoking, useful and entertaining car website in the UK. Being from China, freedom of speech is important to me, so I went out of my way to tell the truth to customers without the waffle. The first thing I did was provide accurate car stock information and clear pricing, because so many other websites simply do not provide these most basic facts. To communicate with customers I employed the same device that Jon and I used when I was living in Finland - instant web chat. I made it a rule from day one that customers could talk to me live on the website and this is extremely popular.'

In the past Ling offered a free lunch, distributed Chaiman Mao Little Red Books in exchange for poetry from customers, and made short videos in which her sister Shan road-tested various cars for the benefit of viewers. Naturally, the series was named Chop Gear and it featured Shan in a Chinese People's Liberation Army uniform explaining the features and advantages of different cars - most importantly, how many Chinese takeaways can fit snugly into the boot. 'BMW have never forgiven me for that,' smiles Ling. It is a site voted one of the Top 100 sites in the worId by FHM magazine.



In 2006, Ling was the winner of the Women in Retail category at the North East Entrepreneur of the Year awards. 'I share this honour with Duncan Bannatyne who won the equivalent male award in the past,' says Ling proudly.

On returning from a trip to China Ling began to prepare her presentation for the Dragons. 'I wanted a small investment as my business does not eat cash but I was also looking for help with a five-year business plan and an exit strategy. So, having read Duncan's book and researched Richard's success in this area, I focused on these two Dragons,' explains Ling. Most importantly, though, she was determined to make a very special impression: 'Having fun was a real aim of mine. It's pointless to bore the socks off the viewers. I really wanted to entertain the Dragons because I knew I would have a much easier time if they were laughing!'

Many entrepreneurs enter the Den dressed for the occasion in suits or other appropriate business wear. Ling, of course, was never likely to let standard protocol obstruct her own individuality and, armed with visual aids depicting her website and her nuclear missile, Ling faced the Dragons in combat trousers, a bright orange shirt and a Mongolian fur-trimmed body warmer. The panel were therefore immediately aware that this particular presentation was going to be a little different. 'I really thought Peter Jones would moan, but he never mentioned my clothes,' laughs Ling.

Ling began by directing the Dragons towards the photo of her branded missile truck, a useful ploy to engage their interest as quickly as possible. She then began to explain the nature of her business: 'Contract hire is a very cheap way to run a brand new car. In the US more than 20 per cent of cars are purchased this way, while in the UK it is less than 1 per cent. On my website people can choose the car they want and if they have good credit history the car will be delivered to them. Easy. On average I sell £1 million worth of cars per month and I have made over £100,000 in gross profit in each of the last two years.' Ling then asked for £50,000 for a 5 per cent share in the company, adding that the money would be put towards more marketing schemes, and clairned that by 2010 that initial investment would be worth £400,000.

That was pretty much the end of a succinct and confident pitch, but, her eyes once again on effective publicity, Ling utilised an idea from her website: 'You can trust me that I have good marketing skills and I'd like to remind you of your British saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch,"' at which point she handed out free packets of noodles, all branded with Ling on the back, to each of the Dragons. Some looked delighted while one or two, it has to be said, looked rather bemused by it all.

Peter Jones led the Dragons into launching an investigation into her missile truck. Duncan clearly felt empathy when Ling said that the council had ordered her to move it: 'Yeah, councils can be like that,' he replied ruefully.
Richard obtained some information about the function of the website and discovered that Ling takes commission from the car dealers. 'I've got to say congratulations,' he said. 'The profit is quite low but the turnover is fantastic.' Clearly, Richard was considering an offer, Peter clarified some details on Ling's monthly profit, discerning that in 2006 she was making a monthly gross profit of approximately £10,000.

Theo was a little more stringent, however, and it was at this point that things began to unravel. Ling explained, a little uncertainly: 'My net profit in 2005 is £70,000. I left it in the business and then in 2006 I used £25,000 of that money for the marketing. I can't do any marketing without the money.' But Theo was still unsure as to the exact details.

'On your audited accounts did you actually show £70,000 before tax and then pay corporation tax on that?'

'I think I paid about £5,000 quarterly on tax. The thing is that I don't do the books.' Theo was distinctly unimpressed and at this answer he exploded in indignation.

'You come here asking for money saying you don't do the books, how do you expect me to give you money if you don't know what you're making?'

This small exchange was almost like setting off a roll of dominos. Ling protested that her business was clearly making money and was still going strong after five years, but Peter was unmoved and was even a mite sarcastic in his response: 'Your lack of business nous is terrifying. You can't even tell me how much you're making over three years. Can you imagine me giving you £50,000 now and asking what you spent the money on? "Oh I dunno, I bought another missile." You haven't got a full understanding and appreciation of your business. That's my problem. I'm out.' Very quickly Theo expressed his admiration for Ling's abilities but admitted that he was not prepared to invest either.


Peter Jones: Your lack of business nous is terrifying


Deborah, frustrated by Ling's ability to present any plausible financial answers, arrived at the same conclusion as her colleagues: 'You have a lot of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur but I couldn't work with you because you can't give a straight answer,' she explained. 'For me you've absolutely lost credibility. I'm very disappointed.' Deborah, too, withdrew from any possible bidding.

Ling, however, feels their questioning was unfair: 'At the time, Lingscars.com was a partnership. Consequently, I did not have any corporation tax figure or audited accounts. It's quite impossible for a partnership to provide these and it was unfair of Theo to demand them just to make me look like I did not know how much money I was earning.'

Three down and two to go and it appeared that Ling's appealing pitch had perhaps championed style over substance. Richard, not for the first time, was about to buck the trend. 'I think you're a good business person,' he began. 'You've created a good business with great turnover and you have a good reputation. I have an issue with the valuation, but just to get things moving I'd like to offer you half the money, but it's going to be a completely different valuation to what you're talking about. I would like to offer you £25,000 for 20 per cent.' This was well short of the kind of investment to equity ratio that Ling was looking for, but she remained quiet as Duncan weighed in. Clearly charmed, the Scottish millionaire felt that Lingscars.com could grow into a nice business and matched Richard's offer.

Ling had been looking for £50,000 for 5 per cent - here was an offer of £50,000 for a whopping 40 per cent. Ling did not blink as she refused the offer. The effect was immediate. Theo laughed, Peter gasped and Duncan replied, in disbelief: 'You're turning us down?' It was another example of Ling's headstrong belief in herself and the business. Staring Duncan right in the eye she uttered a Line that is now immortalised on her website, where she glories in her encounter in the Den:

'Well, Chinese eat Dragons for breakfast! I would say 5 per cent each, 10 per cent in total.'

Richard was once again measured in his response and between himself and Duncan an improved deal for 30 per cent of the company was tendered. To the incredulity of the Dragons, Ling remained completely unmoved. 'Thank you. I refuse it.' Theo, perhaps surprised that Duncan and Richard had even made such an offer, could contain himself no longer:

'Ling - think about it. It's a fantastic offer. It's an unbelievable offer. Take their money.' Deborah concurred and for a moment it looked as if Ling had a real dilemma on her hands, but she didn't. She thanked them again and she refused them again and retreated back down the stairs.

BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)


Explaining her decision, Ling says: 'All I could think about was that I could get that cash in 30 seconds from the bank for no equity stake, and that I could not face giving away a third of my business for that, I had a proven business and they had no risk! After the Den I had some regrets, mainly wondering if I had lost out from not working with Duncan and what I had potentially lost from Richard's end-game expertise, but since my episode aired I have been incredibly busy.' Indeed, her appearance sparked immediate interest; 'Web visits on the night of the broadcast were over 5,000 people, and the next day it was over 10,000. I spent the whole night trying to stop my server crashing!'

Whlle her madcap nature may have stunned and perhaps even put off some of the Dragons, it is easy to see why Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh were interested in Ling's business. Both of these Dragons place plenty of stock in the people that hey are working with. Clearly both Richard and Duncan could see that with a little more guidance and advice, Ling could take her business to a new level.



Even without such guidance, though, Ling's business has continued to grow. She has plundered her appearance on the show for more positive publicity; her company is being used as a business project for A-Level students; she has bought an old London Routemaster bus which she uses as a kind of mobile promotional tool at large events up and down the country and her website has been voted best non-franchised site by Automotive Management magazine. Turnover has more than doubled and Ling is confident she will exceed £200,000 in commission income at the end of 2007. She has turned down at least ten investment offers and has valiantly fended off advances from large competitors who have taken a distinct interest in her business. 'I don't want to bleed overheads on fancy salaries, perks and overheads. I have remained totally focused on the needs of the customer.'

Business has been booming: 'Since the show I have been working from 6 am to 8 pm and I have been offered more and more cars to sell as my customer base has grown. I have increased the number of premium car brands I rent (at discount prices) and have had offers of other business opportunities.' One deal Ling has completed is an agreement that sees her refer customers to a particular car insurance company in exchange for a monthly fee. In keeping with her commitment to keep costs low, Ling uses this cash to help subsidise the deals on her website.

Ling freely admits that her antics have made her unpopular in some circles, but she refuses to be distracted by abusive e-mails and anti-competitive pressure from within the motor industry: 'Overheads in the new car industry are sickeningly high, and I simply remove these costs for my customers. I ignore complaints from manufacturers and dealers and take all my advice from my customers,' she insists. With her business continuing to bloom and her innovative promotional ideas stretching to offering customers free cash (Chinese Yuan sent in the post), perhaps in time Ling may even force Richard into regretting not caving in to her demands.


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Wah! A gorilla with fondness for pink celebrated flemale human person's 40th birthday at London (capital of Great England) Zoo on Thursday with colourful gourmet parsnip, lah, potato and carrot cake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:43



Wah! Rubber bullets and stun grenade were used against Everton supporters in disturbance before club's match in Lille, lah, French old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:42



Wah! The Royal Society for Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! strongly supports Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Government’s move to lower its - news replorted 11:40



Wah! A spider has unexpectedly appeared on camera as Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls was being interviewed about latest GDP figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:37



Wah! Neil Hodson, lah, Managing Director, lah, HPI report by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Radio’s Newsbeat team, lah, put spotlight on unsuspecting LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine buyer who bought LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine that bloody man later disc - news replorted 11:27



Wah! Singer Jessie J tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News bloody woman owes lot of flemale human person's early exposure to MOBO awards. Eating rice!! 26 earth-years old happy birthday to you, won best female singer at award ceremony in London (capital of Great England) - news replorted 11:26



Wah! Could you tellibly lovely custlingmer switch off all your as really velly special customer's devices for 25 hours? - news replorted 11:20



Wah! Eleven human bliengs including 12-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy and 15-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl arrested on suspicion of raping woman at property in Liverpool, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:07



Wah! The Local Government Association says it is clock time result to scrap ban that stops parents in Province of Engrish running-dogs taking children out of school for holidays during term-time. What the hell I mean??!! These mothers in Salford give their views. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:07



Wah! Prime dodgy minister David Cameron demands finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers meet for emergency talks over EU budget after bloody annoying Blitish told it must pay extra RMB Yuan #1.7bn - news replorted 11:01



Wah! The members of Euro NCAP having elected Andrew Miller as new President and Chairman of Board of Directors for next - news replorted 10:45



Wah! Voters going to polls in Botswana in what is expected to be closest general elections in world's largest diamond producer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! Graham Satchell looks at whether train companies should speak more or less frequently during railway journeys. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! Passengers can find it difficult to identify number or destination of their bus, lah, knowing where and when to getting off or h - news replorted 10:32



Wah! Lotus Sunbeam Silverstone Auctions is offering chance to own ‘brand new’ hot hatch icon, lah, 1980 Talbot Lotus Sunbeam, lah, in its auc - news replorted 10:31



Wah! All but four bus lanes in Liverpool to be scrapped after year-long trial without them, lah, council decides. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:26



Wah! Suzuki set for International Dirt Bike Show Suzluko GB is set for this year's International Dirt Bike Show, lah, with new RM-Z450 taking centre-stage, lah, while number - news replorted 10:25



Wah! A Sinn Féin Membling Partiamentary expense cheater has said bloody man has never heard of cases of IRA sex abusers being exiled to Republic of Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:21



Wah! IMI Rewards Outstanding Automotive Talent IMI has celebrated achievements of Automotive Professionals, lah, students and training providers at its Outstanding Achi - news replorted 10:21



Wah! Leicester's Golden Mile lights up for Diwali celebrations - news replorted 10:17



Wah! A old bill bobbys raid at home of veteran pop star Sir Cliff Richard has been described as inept by group of MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:17



Wah! old bill bobbys in New York investigate whether man who attacked two officers with axe before being shot dead was linked to Islamist extremism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:09



Wah! The economy expanded by 0.7% in three months to 30 September following 0.9% rise in second quarter, lah, ONS said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:06



Wah! Serbia awarded 3-0 walkover against Albania after their Euro 2016 qualifier was abandoned but lose three points. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Richard Burnett, lah, RHA Chief Executive bloody annoying Blitish road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu haulage industry is now facing massive shortage of drivers and, lah, unless urgent action is taken, lah, shoppers co - news replorted 10:00



Wah! Pakistani and Iranian forces having exchanged mortar fire, lah, in latest incident between two countries along their porous border. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:58



Wah! Amputees could one day re-grow their missing limbs, lah, according to researchers at Imperial College London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:49



Wah! Health officials due to make decision on whether to close doctors' surgery in Gwynedd amid concern over recruiting GPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:15



Wah! Full-back Sam Tomkins says it is down to players to perform and ensure that Province of Engrish running-dogs win Four Nations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:14



Wah! Two more human bliengs charged over death of mother-of-five in New Forest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:06



Wah! Lifestyle Mazda Madzla Motor UK’s dealers showing their enthusiasm for rejuvenated brand by embracing company’s new look with - news replorted 09:00



Wah! It's Caption Challenge. What the hell I mean??!! Oh yes it is. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:59



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport pundit Robbie Savage on how West Ham boss Sam Allardyce has turned things round after fans called for him to go. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:58



Wah! Canada's Bloody foreign dodgy minister tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation there is no evidence so far that man behind gun attacks in Ottawa was linked to Middle Eastern jihadists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:56



Wah! The surprising reasons why bloody annoying Blitish owes more to Europe - news replorted 08:46



Wah! A Tory councillor from Maidenhead who joked that travellers refusing eviction should be "executed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is suspended by male gender human bleing's party. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:44



Wah! Grayson Perry captures state of nation - news replorted 08:24



Wah! It is understood man being questioned about deaths of elderly couple in County Donegal is their son Julian Cuddihy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:16



Wah! With Luis Suarez in line to make male gender human bleing's Barcelona debut in El Clasico against Real Madrid on Saturday, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at five of male gender human bleing's best Premier League goals for Liverpool. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:10



Wah! Sweden calls off its week-long search for suspected submarine in sea south of Stockholm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:00



Wah! US authorities penalise Silicon Valley capitalist entity for "grossly underpaying" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) eight workers brought over from India for special project. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:45



Wah! Newly independent capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity TSB says it is attracting more new clustomlers than it had expected. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:37



Wah! The Women's Tennis Association finals being held in Asia for first time. What the hell I mean??!! Sharanjit Leyl speaks to chair and chief executive of WTA, lah, Stacey Allaster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:25



Wah! Photographs show Great Satan air strike hitting Islamic State position on hill near embattled Syrian town of Kobane. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:13



Wah! Protest leaders in Hong Kong to ballot their supporters over whether to accept government's proposals and end their occupation of city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:09



Wah! The mother of man who went missing on golfing trip exactly 10 years ago says bloody woman has not given up hope of seeing him again. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:05



Wah! Europe's biggest silly kick-kick game clubs considering asking Fifa to hold 2022 World Cup in May to avoid intense summer heat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! Campaigners wanting it to be made illegal for adults to send sexual messages to children. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:48



Wah! The UK's chief scientist says oceans face serious and growing risk from man-made carbon emissions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:18



Wah! Brain tumour patient Ashya King will receive male gender human bleing's final dose of proton beam therapy later, lah, clinic treating him says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:12



Wah! AA driving school takes delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so of around 2,000 new Floord models Around 85,000 AA Driving School learners year will be at wheel of Britain’s most popular cars, lah, Floord Fiesta and - news replorted 06:00



Wah! The governor of Mexico's southern Guerrero state - where 43 students went missing after deadly clashes with old bill bobbys last month - stands down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:49



Wah! Australia's troubled national carrier Qantas says it is on course to deliver its first pre-tax profits this year in three months to September. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:28



Wah! Super-Duper-Chinese-State authorities having arrested one official and punished 16 others following deadly clash in Yunnan village, lah, state media say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:44



Wah! The Great Satan will maintain control of South Korean troops in event of fighty bang-bang with North, lah, two sides say, lah, delaying again long-planned command transfer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:56



Wah! The number of cases of polio in Pakistan has topped 200 for first clock time result in nearly 15 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:27



Wah! A Great Satan doctor who recently returned from Ebola-hit West African country of Guinea has tested positive for virus in New York, lah, Great Satan media say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:08



Wah! Meet artist who has been blind for 25 years - news replorted 01:38



Wah! Why is Florida angry with Breaking Bad - news replorted 01:37



Wah! A journey across Ukraine wracked by conflict - news replorted 01:36



Wah! The undercover cop, lah, male gender human bleing's lover, lah, and their son - news replorted 01:36



Wah! How to solve brain-teasers by one of greatest maths minds - news replorted 01:32



Wah! The day UFOs stopped play - and crowd of 10,000 gasped - news replorted 01:31



Wah! Life after university for disabled graduates - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Click looks at some of week's technology highlights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:23



Wah! How one manufacturer is making its smartphone really stand out from crowd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Violence against public service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service workers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land rose again last year to 37,052, lah, more than 100 attacks every day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:22



Wah! A Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs man trapped in India by arglingument over anti-piracy operations says bloody man is struggling to support himself. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 01:21



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs government is to reduce country's drink-drive limit in clock time result for Christmas, lah, making it lower than that south of border. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! A British man has died in Brazil, lah, reportedly after being shot during robbery at bar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:13



Wah! More than 1,400 intelligence agency staff create giant poppy in centre of GCHQ "doughnut" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) building in Cheltenham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:06



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's newest damn crazy Engrish baseball game star Moeen Ali speaks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about male gender human bleing's sport and male gender human bleing's religion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish has been told it must pay extra €2.1bn (RMB Yuan #1.7bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! towards European Union's budget because of country's relative economic health. - news replorted 00:56



Wah! Mosul diary: Inside city ruled by Islamic State - news replorted 00:51



Wah! Exposure to sunshine could slow down weight gain and development of diabetes, lah, research on mice suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! People living in Roman Britain had healthier gums than their modern-day descendants, lah, feat of archaeological dentistry shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! European Union leaders reach landmark deal to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 40% by 2030, lah, overcoming deep divisions between members states. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Russell Brand speaks to Newsnight about male gender human bleing's "alternative to corporate hegemony". - news replorted 00:41



Wah! A new art gallery showing major works of art from Spain's "golden age" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is to open in former capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity in Bishop Auckland, lah, County Durham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:39



Wah! The handling of old bill bobbys raid at home of veteran pop star Sir Cliff Richard is described as inept by Commons Home Affairs Committee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:37



Wah! Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino says Erik Lamela's Europa League wonder-strike was best goal scored by one of male gender human bleing's players. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! Computer workstations, lah, electronic signature pads and free wi-fi rolling out across bloody annoying Blitish job centres. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12



Wah! Why big-eyed droids cause for concern - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Council leaders call for more "common-sense approach" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to term-time holidays. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A wartime MI5 agent who secretly penetrated ranks of UK's Nazi sympathisers has been identified as unassuming suburban capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity clerk, lah, new files show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! New research from Kwik Fit reveals that more than fifth (22%) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of British drivers having bought second hand, lah, or ‘part wor - news replorted 00:01



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