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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
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DRAGONS' DEN
BANNATYNE MEETS LING
Bannatyne & Ling on TV "Oi, Bannatyne!!"
shouted Ling Valentine, as she rolled up to surprise the Scotch Dragon on the Newcastle Quayside in her German-flagged yellow "wasp".

Bannatyne & Ling Unsurprisingly, Duncan looked on in sheer disbelief. After all, it had been four years since Ling had arrived in the Den, taunted the Dragons with her outlandishly different marketing techniques. Ling walked away from a deal, turning down Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh.

Duncan Bannatyne

Since then, business for Ling has been booming! Turning over £35million worth of cars in 2010, it turns out that Ling really didn't seem to need the Dragons' money in the first place.

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10 seconds of Deborah Meaden on Ling


Duncan declined the offer of a lift from Ling, but did visit World Headquarters in Gateshead, to see first hand how Ling manages to churn out so many new cars each month.

He was greeted by a pile of cash; £50,000 to be exact, the same amount he and Richard had offered Ling in the first place. After falling victim to his Scotch blood and putting the cash in his suit pocket, Ling showed him around the office and allowed him a brief moment to glaze over the LINGsCARS accounts.

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2 minutes of Ling gobbing off


How to Win a Dragon on BBC2 That's when the Dragon began to spit flames. The summary of accounts that Ling had provided was not good enough, Duncan wanted to know EXACTLY what he'd missed out on, and demanded to speak to Ling's accountant.

Ling stood her ground, and a stalemate was reached, with Duncan settling for the Companies House accounts for LINGsCARS, finally realising the goldmine Ling had originally denied him.

Bannatyne on the Bridge Ling showed Bannatyne that his £25,000 investment would now have been worth £100,000 (plus his original £25k back). Bannatyne disputed these figures, though it's unsure what the BBC will show. Since the filming, Ling has completed her April 2011 accounts and can now prove that Bannatyne was utterly wrong to contradict her figures, which are correct.

Profit for LINGsCARS in the year 2010 to 2011 is in excess of £100,000!

Bannatyne at World HQ
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Ling's full 11 minute appearance on the programme

A BBC Book:

DRAGONS' DEN
SUCCESS
"from pitch to profit"




"Business lessons are brought to life through the insights and strategies of myself, the Dragons and the entrepreneurs"
- RICHARD FARLEIGH


A lesson in Sales and Marketing:
Ling Valentine and LINGsCARS.com


"Well, I have been featured as a chapter in a new BBC book. Here, you can read it. Hope you enjoy as much as the Dragons enjoyed my pitch! There's a clip, to the right..."- Ling!


You can download this chapter of the book (shown below) as a pdf to print, HERE (2.6 Mb)

You can buy this book (discounted) at Amazon, HERE



Extract from Dragons' Den, Success from pitch to profit...
A lesson in Sales and Marketing: Ling Valentine and LINGsCARS.com


Ling Valentine had been running her business LingsCars.com for about five years by the time she appeared before the Dragons in February 2007. With an entertaining and spirited pitch that managed to crack smiles on even the most stony of Dragon faces, Ling displayed charm and enthusiasm as well as a truly unique eye for marketing techniques. Her personality and skills led to both Richard Farleigh and Duncan Bannatyne offering to buy equity in her company, but that was only the start of the drama

The story of Ling's career is facinating: 'I was stuck in China as just another one of the 1.2 billion people competing for a thin slice of a small cake, so, having completed my BSc in Applied Chemistry, in 1996 I went to Finland to continue my studies,' she explains. While in Helsinki, Ling met future husband and business partner Jon through an early version of an internet chat room. Eventually, Ling flew to England for a visit and they drove around Europe together to meet other friends they had met through the same websites. 'Of course,' says Ling, 'we fell in love and that was that!'

After a protracted period of wading through red tape, Ling moved to Britain. While Jon ran a contract hire business, she returned to university and obtained an MSc in Environmental Protection. Finally, a move to Newcastle saw the pair decide to set up their own business and Lingscars.com was born. In simple terms, Ling offers individuals or businesses the opportunity to rent brand new cars over an extended period of time - usually between one to three years, with a mileage constraint built into the agreement. Ling scours car dealerships herself and showcases the best deals that she can find on her cluttered, blinking but delightful website that emphasises friendliness and approachability rather than corporate facelessness and difficult jargon.

The service has many advantages. Customers do not need significant finance to be able to use a brand new car for a few years, there is plenty of choice thanks to Ling's own research and there are attractive bonuses such as free road-tax for the duration of the contract. Quite apart from all that, Ling provides a personal and honest touch that many people clearly find refreshing and reassuring - a fact qualified by over 600 letters and emails of recommendation on the site.

It is Ling herself who is the focus of the branding of the company. 'Everyone always told me I have a weird character,' she explains. 'I am quite forceful and if I want something I just get it. So I thought: there are no Chinese birds selling cars in the UK, so why not simply market myself as a unique concept? I like to have fun and that is what is missing from car sales. I am confident enough that my service is quite simply the best in the UK, so I stuck my name and my head on the website!'

Ling has become justly well known for her bizarre and hugely inventive promotional ideas. The most famous, which Ling showcased in the Den, is her nuclear missile truck. 'It was really down to Tony Blair and George Bush,' she says. 'They were making so much of the "weapons of mass destruction" and I thought - I can do better than that! So I imported an ex-People's Liberation Army nuclear decontamination truck from China. It's lovely. It cost me £3,500 in total, plus VAT. It arrived on a boat from Shanghai.' Together, Ling and Jon built a missile and branded it with Ling's head and the name of the business. 'I parked it in Sedgefield and pointed it west, towards George Bush,' adds Ling triumphantly. 'When I finally had to move it I received hundreds of letters and emails from people saying they missed it!' The Angel of the North, it seems, has some competition.

'I live inside my website,' says Ling. 'It is everything to me. I really wanted the most thought -provoking, useful and entertaining car website in the UK. Being from China, freedom of speech is important to me, so I went out of my way to tell the truth to customers without the waffle. The first thing I did was provide accurate car stock information and clear pricing, because so many other websites simply do not provide these most basic facts. To communicate with customers I employed the same device that Jon and I used when I was living in Finland - instant web chat. I made it a rule from day one that customers could talk to me live on the website and this is extremely popular.'

In the past Ling offered a free lunch, distributed Chaiman Mao Little Red Books in exchange for poetry from customers, and made short videos in which her sister Shan road-tested various cars for the benefit of viewers. Naturally, the series was named Chop Gear and it featured Shan in a Chinese People's Liberation Army uniform explaining the features and advantages of different cars - most importantly, how many Chinese takeaways can fit snugly into the boot. 'BMW have never forgiven me for that,' smiles Ling. It is a site voted one of the Top 100 sites in the worId by FHM magazine.



In 2006, Ling was the winner of the Women in Retail category at the North East Entrepreneur of the Year awards. 'I share this honour with Duncan Bannatyne who won the equivalent male award in the past,' says Ling proudly.

On returning from a trip to China Ling began to prepare her presentation for the Dragons. 'I wanted a small investment as my business does not eat cash but I was also looking for help with a five-year business plan and an exit strategy. So, having read Duncan's book and researched Richard's success in this area, I focused on these two Dragons,' explains Ling. Most importantly, though, she was determined to make a very special impression: 'Having fun was a real aim of mine. It's pointless to bore the socks off the viewers. I really wanted to entertain the Dragons because I knew I would have a much easier time if they were laughing!'

Many entrepreneurs enter the Den dressed for the occasion in suits or other appropriate business wear. Ling, of course, was never likely to let standard protocol obstruct her own individuality and, armed with visual aids depicting her website and her nuclear missile, Ling faced the Dragons in combat trousers, a bright orange shirt and a Mongolian fur-trimmed body warmer. The panel were therefore immediately aware that this particular presentation was going to be a little different. 'I really thought Peter Jones would moan, but he never mentioned my clothes,' laughs Ling.

Ling began by directing the Dragons towards the photo of her branded missile truck, a useful ploy to engage their interest as quickly as possible. She then began to explain the nature of her business: 'Contract hire is a very cheap way to run a brand new car. In the US more than 20 per cent of cars are purchased this way, while in the UK it is less than 1 per cent. On my website people can choose the car they want and if they have good credit history the car will be delivered to them. Easy. On average I sell £1 million worth of cars per month and I have made over £100,000 in gross profit in each of the last two years.' Ling then asked for £50,000 for a 5 per cent share in the company, adding that the money would be put towards more marketing schemes, and clairned that by 2010 that initial investment would be worth £400,000.

That was pretty much the end of a succinct and confident pitch, but, her eyes once again on effective publicity, Ling utilised an idea from her website: 'You can trust me that I have good marketing skills and I'd like to remind you of your British saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch,"' at which point she handed out free packets of noodles, all branded with Ling on the back, to each of the Dragons. Some looked delighted while one or two, it has to be said, looked rather bemused by it all.

Peter Jones led the Dragons into launching an investigation into her missile truck. Duncan clearly felt empathy when Ling said that the council had ordered her to move it: 'Yeah, councils can be like that,' he replied ruefully.
Richard obtained some information about the function of the website and discovered that Ling takes commission from the car dealers. 'I've got to say congratulations,' he said. 'The profit is quite low but the turnover is fantastic.' Clearly, Richard was considering an offer, Peter clarified some details on Ling's monthly profit, discerning that in 2006 she was making a monthly gross profit of approximately £10,000.

Theo was a little more stringent, however, and it was at this point that things began to unravel. Ling explained, a little uncertainly: 'My net profit in 2005 is £70,000. I left it in the business and then in 2006 I used £25,000 of that money for the marketing. I can't do any marketing without the money.' But Theo was still unsure as to the exact details.

'On your audited accounts did you actually show £70,000 before tax and then pay corporation tax on that?'

'I think I paid about £5,000 quarterly on tax. The thing is that I don't do the books.' Theo was distinctly unimpressed and at this answer he exploded in indignation.

'You come here asking for money saying you don't do the books, how do you expect me to give you money if you don't know what you're making?'

This small exchange was almost like setting off a roll of dominos. Ling protested that her business was clearly making money and was still going strong after five years, but Peter was unmoved and was even a mite sarcastic in his response: 'Your lack of business nous is terrifying. You can't even tell me how much you're making over three years. Can you imagine me giving you £50,000 now and asking what you spent the money on? "Oh I dunno, I bought another missile." You haven't got a full understanding and appreciation of your business. That's my problem. I'm out.' Very quickly Theo expressed his admiration for Ling's abilities but admitted that he was not prepared to invest either.


Peter Jones: Your lack of business nous is terrifying


Deborah, frustrated by Ling's ability to present any plausible financial answers, arrived at the same conclusion as her colleagues: 'You have a lot of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur but I couldn't work with you because you can't give a straight answer,' she explained. 'For me you've absolutely lost credibility. I'm very disappointed.' Deborah, too, withdrew from any possible bidding.

Ling, however, feels their questioning was unfair: 'At the time, Lingscars.com was a partnership. Consequently, I did not have any corporation tax figure or audited accounts. It's quite impossible for a partnership to provide these and it was unfair of Theo to demand them just to make me look like I did not know how much money I was earning.'

Three down and two to go and it appeared that Ling's appealing pitch had perhaps championed style over substance. Richard, not for the first time, was about to buck the trend. 'I think you're a good business person,' he began. 'You've created a good business with great turnover and you have a good reputation. I have an issue with the valuation, but just to get things moving I'd like to offer you half the money, but it's going to be a completely different valuation to what you're talking about. I would like to offer you £25,000 for 20 per cent.' This was well short of the kind of investment to equity ratio that Ling was looking for, but she remained quiet as Duncan weighed in. Clearly charmed, the Scottish millionaire felt that Lingscars.com could grow into a nice business and matched Richard's offer.

Ling had been looking for £50,000 for 5 per cent - here was an offer of £50,000 for a whopping 40 per cent. Ling did not blink as she refused the offer. The effect was immediate. Theo laughed, Peter gasped and Duncan replied, in disbelief: 'You're turning us down?' It was another example of Ling's headstrong belief in herself and the business. Staring Duncan right in the eye she uttered a Line that is now immortalised on her website, where she glories in her encounter in the Den:

'Well, Chinese eat Dragons for breakfast! I would say 5 per cent each, 10 per cent in total.'

Richard was once again measured in his response and between himself and Duncan an improved deal for 30 per cent of the company was tendered. To the incredulity of the Dragons, Ling remained completely unmoved. 'Thank you. I refuse it.' Theo, perhaps surprised that Duncan and Richard had even made such an offer, could contain himself no longer:

'Ling - think about it. It's a fantastic offer. It's an unbelievable offer. Take their money.' Deborah concurred and for a moment it looked as if Ling had a real dilemma on her hands, but she didn't. She thanked them again and she refused them again and retreated back down the stairs.

BBC DRAGONS' DEN!

I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.


BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)


Explaining her decision, Ling says: 'All I could think about was that I could get that cash in 30 seconds from the bank for no equity stake, and that I could not face giving away a third of my business for that, I had a proven business and they had no risk! After the Den I had some regrets, mainly wondering if I had lost out from not working with Duncan and what I had potentially lost from Richard's end-game expertise, but since my episode aired I have been incredibly busy.' Indeed, her appearance sparked immediate interest; 'Web visits on the night of the broadcast were over 5,000 people, and the next day it was over 10,000. I spent the whole night trying to stop my server crashing!'

Whlle her madcap nature may have stunned and perhaps even put off some of the Dragons, it is easy to see why Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh were interested in Ling's business. Both of these Dragons place plenty of stock in the people that hey are working with. Clearly both Richard and Duncan could see that with a little more guidance and advice, Ling could take her business to a new level.



Even without such guidance, though, Ling's business has continued to grow. She has plundered her appearance on the show for more positive publicity; her company is being used as a business project for A-Level students; she has bought an old London Routemaster bus which she uses as a kind of mobile promotional tool at large events up and down the country and her website has been voted best non-franchised site by Automotive Management magazine. Turnover has more than doubled and Ling is confident she will exceed £200,000 in commission income at the end of 2007. She has turned down at least ten investment offers and has valiantly fended off advances from large competitors who have taken a distinct interest in her business. 'I don't want to bleed overheads on fancy salaries, perks and overheads. I have remained totally focused on the needs of the customer.'

Business has been booming: 'Since the show I have been working from 6 am to 8 pm and I have been offered more and more cars to sell as my customer base has grown. I have increased the number of premium car brands I rent (at discount prices) and have had offers of other business opportunities.' One deal Ling has completed is an agreement that sees her refer customers to a particular car insurance company in exchange for a monthly fee. In keeping with her commitment to keep costs low, Ling uses this cash to help subsidise the deals on her website.

Ling freely admits that her antics have made her unpopular in some circles, but she refuses to be distracted by abusive e-mails and anti-competitive pressure from within the motor industry: 'Overheads in the new car industry are sickeningly high, and I simply remove these costs for my customers. I ignore complaints from manufacturers and dealers and take all my advice from my customers,' she insists. With her business continuing to bloom and her innovative promotional ideas stretching to offering customers free cash (Chinese Yuan sent in the post), perhaps in time Ling may even force Richard into regretting not caving in to her demands.


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Wah! Islamic State militant Mohammed Emwazi was never suspected of being radicalised during male gender human bleing's school days, lah, male gender human bleing's former head teacher says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! Samsung's velly damn good boiled chicken-feet looking new smartphone should restore some of its lost confidence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:37



Wah! ‘Stolen’ vehicling driving car machine was actually crashed at 100mph by driver man from Sheerness in Kent who crashed sporty hire LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine at 100mph has been convicted (Friday 27 February) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of perverti - news replorted 09:36



Wah! Former Namibian President Hifikepunye Pohamba wins world's most valuable individual award, lah, Mo Ibrahim prize for governance in Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:35



Wah! The theft of Commonwealth Games gold medal belonging to athlete Kelly Sotherton is set to feature on BBC's Crimewatch. - news replorted 09:33



Wah! A young child was left behind in woodland by nursery school staff at end of walk, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:30



Wah! A yellow 'be aware' weather warning is issued for parts of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep with risk of snow over higher ground across Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:28



Wah! Two thousand homes in Cullybackey, lah, County Antrim, lah, without power, lah, according to Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Electricity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:18



Wah! Witness much anticipated unveil of new Rondla Civic Type R, lah, European debut of Rondla NSX supercar and Jens - news replorted 09:03



Wah! Trust in Auto Trader drives over 770,000 consumer valuations More than three quarters of million valuations were made by consumers on Auto Trader in January. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:02



Wah! A Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation "reduced in impact and reach" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will leave Britain "diminished", lah, corporation's director general Tony Hall will warn in speech. - news replorted 08:59



Wah! TDI-Tuning at Caravan, lah, Camping and Motorhome Show As designer and producer of tuning boxes created to increase torque and reduce fuel consumption, lah, TDI-Tuning’s own grow - news replorted 08:54



Wah! Where having all GPs gone? - news replorted 08:41



Wah! Volvo Trucks is headline sponsor of FTA Driver Crisis Summit Wolwo Trucks has announced that it is to be headline sponsor of FTA Driver Crisis Summit on Thursday 12th monthly number-three - news replorted 08:40



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish house prices dropped in Febliurary for first clock time result in five months, lah, according to Nationwide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:38



Wah! The ECB says "nothing has changed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with its stance on Kevin Pietersen returning to Province of Engrish running-dogs side in future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:23



Wah! Leading road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety charity Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has described introduction of new drug-drivin - news replorted 08:20



Wah! Jeremy Guscott on Ireland's tactics, lah, Wales' title hopes and Province of Engrish running-dogs's indiscipline, lah, plus male gender human bleing's try, lah, player and team of week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:19



Wah! Sony and Microsoft reavealingly showing Great Satan mid-range smartphones with features previously reserved for their top handsets at Mobile World Congress. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:02



Wah! Alex Buncombe and Max Chilton Former F1 racer Max Chilton and Nissling regular Alex Buncombe having completed Nissan’s squad of nine drivers for Nissa - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Jaguar service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service Plans help cement XE’s position as best-in-class for cost of ownership Jagluar XE is shaping up to be cost-of-ownership king of premium C-Segment – I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to class-leading residual - news replorted 08:00



Wah! The BBC's Roger Harrabin has been to site of one of six tidal lagoons planned in bloody annoying Blitish to see how it would work. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:57



Wah! How Kent is finding itself focus of debate on grammar schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:53



Wah! Motorists who getting behind wheel after taking illegal drugs face criminal record, lah, loss of their licence for at least - news replorted 07:52



Wah! The Duke of Cambridge has met Super-Duper-Chinese-State President Xi Jinping, lah, as prince begins highest-profile bloody annoying Blitish royal visit to China in nearly 30 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46



Wah! Iraq launches military operation to recapture Saddam Hussein's hometown of Tikrit from Islamic State, lah, Iraqi TV says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:35



Wah! Two men being questioned after suspicious death of 42-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man at former public house in Pontypridd, lah, Rhondda Cynon Taf. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 07:23



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Inside Out looks at how lives of GPs having changed over last 35 years by comparing life in doctors' practice in Yorkshire in 1979 and today. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:04



Wah! Google flew one of its Street View cameras down zip wire in Amazon rainforest to capture new images of forest canopies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:55



Wah! old bill bobbys will resume their search on Monday morning for missing Bristol schoolgirl, lah, Becky Watts, lah, as BBC's Jon Kay reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:44



Wah! A penal reform charity says there is huge overcrowding problems in two Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs prisons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:39



Wah! GPs to having more clock time result to focus on caring for most vulnerable patients under new contract with Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:32



Wah! North Korea has fired two missiles into sea as protest against huge annual military exercise involving South Korea, lah, Great Satan and other Western allies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:31



Wah! An application process opens on Monday for volunteers for redundancy from Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Civil Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:20



Wah! The Ulster Unionist MLA Tom Elliott hopes to introduce legislation to prevent publically funded facilities from being named after convicted terrorists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:09



Wah! Quality shines through with MG3 Bruce Harrison was so impressed with male gender human bleing's MG3 that bloody man insisted on visiting factory where it was built to personally t - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Hong Kong old bill bobbys arrest more than 30 human bliengs after protesters gathered for third clock time result against mainland Super-Duper-Chinese-State tourists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:42



Wah! A coffin-within-a-coffin discovered next to Richard III's remains contained woman, lah, who could having been early Church benefactor, lah, experts reavealingly showing Great Satan - news replorted 05:11



Wah! A video has captured moment Great Satan old bill bobbys shot and killed homeless man after altercation in downtown Los Angeles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:03



Wah! US Secretary of State John Kerry will meet male gender human bleing's Russian counterpart ahead of release of UN report on human rights violations in Ukraine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:57



Wah! Australia's Senate censures Attorney General George Brandis over male gender human bleing's treatment of human rights chief Gillian Triggs amid asylum row. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! Measures to protect children's health should be put at forefront of general election, lah, say doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:07



Wah! Plans to generate electricity from world's first series of tidal lagoons unveiled in UK, lah, with sites proposed in Wales, lah, Somerset and Cumbria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:58



Wah! The search for missing 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Becky Watts is set to resume in Bristol with old bill bobbys helicopters and specialist dog teams. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:43



Wah! Friends of murdered schoolgirl whose killer was not convicted until 21 years after bloody woman died talk of how their lives changed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:29



Wah! Fergal Keane on relationship between love and politics - news replorted 02:59



Wah! Would it be realistic to renationalise railways? - news replorted 02:58



Wah! New regulations aimed at stamping out drug driving, lah, including first legal limits on cannabis and cocaine, lah, come into force in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! North Korea fires two short-range missiles into sea as annual US-South Korea military exercises getting under way, lah, officials in Seoul say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:02



Wah! The Great Satan Army's most senior general says bloody man is "very concerned" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about impact spending cuts will having on strength of UK's armed forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:58



Wah! Are we living through structural change in global economy as big as any since WWII without fully realising it? - news replorted 01:55



Wah! The Svalbard "Doomsday" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) seed vault, lah, which protects world's food crops, lah, accepts its first consignment of seeds from forest tree species. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:39



Wah! How ancient art form is saving troubled lives - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Some 200,000 "starter homes" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will be made available to first-time buyers in Province of Engrish running-dogs by 2020 if Tories win May's general election, lah, David Cameron is to promise. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:13



Wah! Stories about jihadists abound in Monday's press, lah, and Telegraph features Great Satan concerns about scale of Britain's defence cuts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:02



Wah! An ex-minister in Peru is charged with involvement in killing of journalist during Shining Path rebel insurgency in 1980s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! Could students' video messages avert all-out war? - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The hybrid animal causing havoc in Grand Canyon - news replorted 00:26



Wah! A review is sought for rejected residential development on site of 18th Century mansion near Dumfries which has fallen into disrepair. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! The world's worst interview - with one of loneliest men on Earth - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Why human bliengs getting better at intelligence tests? - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A Buddhist monk from northeast Thailand is so worried about environment that bloody man has been ordaining trees for 25 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Public anger over size of top executives' salaries is damaging reputation of bloody annoying Blitish firms, lah, according to survey of business leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02



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