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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

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Bannatyne & Ling on TV "Oi, Bannatyne!!"
shouted Ling Valentine, as she rolled up to surprise the Scotch Dragon on the Newcastle Quayside in her German-flagged yellow "wasp".

Bannatyne & Ling Unsurprisingly, Duncan looked on in sheer disbelief. After all, it had been four years since Ling had arrived in the Den, taunted the Dragons with her outlandishly different marketing techniques. Ling walked away from a deal, turning down Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh.

Duncan Bannatyne

Since then, business for Ling has been booming! Turning over £35million worth of cars in 2010, it turns out that Ling really didn't seem to need the Dragons' money in the first place.

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10 seconds of Deborah Meaden on Ling

Duncan declined the offer of a lift from Ling, but did visit World Headquarters in Gateshead, to see first hand how Ling manages to churn out so many new cars each month.

He was greeted by a pile of cash; £50,000 to be exact, the same amount he and Richard had offered Ling in the first place. After falling victim to his Scotch blood and putting the cash in his suit pocket, Ling showed him around the office and allowed him a brief moment to glaze over the LINGsCARS accounts.

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2 minutes of Ling gobbing off

How to Win a Dragon on BBC2 That's when the Dragon began to spit flames. The summary of accounts that Ling had provided was not good enough, Duncan wanted to know EXACTLY what he'd missed out on, and demanded to speak to Ling's accountant.

Ling stood her ground, and a stalemate was reached, with Duncan settling for the Companies House accounts for LINGsCARS, finally realising the goldmine Ling had originally denied him.

Bannatyne on the Bridge Ling showed Bannatyne that his £25,000 investment would now have been worth £100,000 (plus his original £25k back). Bannatyne disputed these figures, though it's unsure what the BBC will show. Since the filming, Ling has completed her April 2011 accounts and can now prove that Bannatyne was utterly wrong to contradict her figures, which are correct.

Profit for LINGsCARS in the year 2010 to 2011 is in excess of £100,000!

Bannatyne at World HQ
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Ling's full 11 minute appearance on the programme

A BBC Book:

"from pitch to profit"

"Business lessons are brought to life through the insights and strategies of myself, the Dragons and the entrepreneurs"

A lesson in Sales and Marketing:
Ling Valentine and

"Well, I have been featured as a chapter in a new BBC book. Here, you can read it. Hope you enjoy as much as the Dragons enjoyed my pitch! There's a clip, to the right..."- Ling!

You can download this chapter of the book (shown below) as a pdf to print, HERE (2.6 Mb)

You can buy this book (discounted) at Amazon, HERE

Extract from Dragons' Den, Success from pitch to profit...
A lesson in Sales and Marketing: Ling Valentine and

Ling Valentine had been running her business for about five years by the time she appeared before the Dragons in February 2007. With an entertaining and spirited pitch that managed to crack smiles on even the most stony of Dragon faces, Ling displayed charm and enthusiasm as well as a truly unique eye for marketing techniques. Her personality and skills led to both Richard Farleigh and Duncan Bannatyne offering to buy equity in her company, but that was only the start of the drama

The story of Ling's career is facinating: 'I was stuck in China as just another one of the 1.2 billion people competing for a thin slice of a small cake, so, having completed my BSc in Applied Chemistry, in 1996 I went to Finland to continue my studies,' she explains. While in Helsinki, Ling met future husband and business partner Jon through an early version of an internet chat room. Eventually, Ling flew to England for a visit and they drove around Europe together to meet other friends they had met through the same websites. 'Of course,' says Ling, 'we fell in love and that was that!'

After a protracted period of wading through red tape, Ling moved to Britain. While Jon ran a contract hire business, she returned to university and obtained an MSc in Environmental Protection. Finally, a move to Newcastle saw the pair decide to set up their own business and was born. In simple terms, Ling offers individuals or businesses the opportunity to rent brand new cars over an extended period of time - usually between one to three years, with a mileage constraint built into the agreement. Ling scours car dealerships herself and showcases the best deals that she can find on her cluttered, blinking but delightful website that emphasises friendliness and approachability rather than corporate facelessness and difficult jargon.

The service has many advantages. Customers do not need significant finance to be able to use a brand new car for a few years, there is plenty of choice thanks to Ling's own research and there are attractive bonuses such as free road-tax for the duration of the contract. Quite apart from all that, Ling provides a personal and honest touch that many people clearly find refreshing and reassuring - a fact qualified by over 600 letters and emails of recommendation on the site.

It is Ling herself who is the focus of the branding of the company. 'Everyone always told me I have a weird character,' she explains. 'I am quite forceful and if I want something I just get it. So I thought: there are no Chinese birds selling cars in the UK, so why not simply market myself as a unique concept? I like to have fun and that is what is missing from car sales. I am confident enough that my service is quite simply the best in the UK, so I stuck my name and my head on the website!'

Ling has become justly well known for her bizarre and hugely inventive promotional ideas. The most famous, which Ling showcased in the Den, is her nuclear missile truck. 'It was really down to Tony Blair and George Bush,' she says. 'They were making so much of the "weapons of mass destruction" and I thought - I can do better than that! So I imported an ex-People's Liberation Army nuclear decontamination truck from China. It's lovely. It cost me £3,500 in total, plus VAT. It arrived on a boat from Shanghai.' Together, Ling and Jon built a missile and branded it with Ling's head and the name of the business. 'I parked it in Sedgefield and pointed it west, towards George Bush,' adds Ling triumphantly. 'When I finally had to move it I received hundreds of letters and emails from people saying they missed it!' The Angel of the North, it seems, has some competition.

'I live inside my website,' says Ling. 'It is everything to me. I really wanted the most thought -provoking, useful and entertaining car website in the UK. Being from China, freedom of speech is important to me, so I went out of my way to tell the truth to customers without the waffle. The first thing I did was provide accurate car stock information and clear pricing, because so many other websites simply do not provide these most basic facts. To communicate with customers I employed the same device that Jon and I used when I was living in Finland - instant web chat. I made it a rule from day one that customers could talk to me live on the website and this is extremely popular.'

In the past Ling offered a free lunch, distributed Chaiman Mao Little Red Books in exchange for poetry from customers, and made short videos in which her sister Shan road-tested various cars for the benefit of viewers. Naturally, the series was named Chop Gear and it featured Shan in a Chinese People's Liberation Army uniform explaining the features and advantages of different cars - most importantly, how many Chinese takeaways can fit snugly into the boot. 'BMW have never forgiven me for that,' smiles Ling. It is a site voted one of the Top 100 sites in the worId by FHM magazine.

In 2006, Ling was the winner of the Women in Retail category at the North East Entrepreneur of the Year awards. 'I share this honour with Duncan Bannatyne who won the equivalent male award in the past,' says Ling proudly.

On returning from a trip to China Ling began to prepare her presentation for the Dragons. 'I wanted a small investment as my business does not eat cash but I was also looking for help with a five-year business plan and an exit strategy. So, having read Duncan's book and researched Richard's success in this area, I focused on these two Dragons,' explains Ling. Most importantly, though, she was determined to make a very special impression: 'Having fun was a real aim of mine. It's pointless to bore the socks off the viewers. I really wanted to entertain the Dragons because I knew I would have a much easier time if they were laughing!'

Many entrepreneurs enter the Den dressed for the occasion in suits or other appropriate business wear. Ling, of course, was never likely to let standard protocol obstruct her own individuality and, armed with visual aids depicting her website and her nuclear missile, Ling faced the Dragons in combat trousers, a bright orange shirt and a Mongolian fur-trimmed body warmer. The panel were therefore immediately aware that this particular presentation was going to be a little different. 'I really thought Peter Jones would moan, but he never mentioned my clothes,' laughs Ling.

Ling began by directing the Dragons towards the photo of her branded missile truck, a useful ploy to engage their interest as quickly as possible. She then began to explain the nature of her business: 'Contract hire is a very cheap way to run a brand new car. In the US more than 20 per cent of cars are purchased this way, while in the UK it is less than 1 per cent. On my website people can choose the car they want and if they have good credit history the car will be delivered to them. Easy. On average I sell £1 million worth of cars per month and I have made over £100,000 in gross profit in each of the last two years.' Ling then asked for £50,000 for a 5 per cent share in the company, adding that the money would be put towards more marketing schemes, and clairned that by 2010 that initial investment would be worth £400,000.

That was pretty much the end of a succinct and confident pitch, but, her eyes once again on effective publicity, Ling utilised an idea from her website: 'You can trust me that I have good marketing skills and I'd like to remind you of your British saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch,"' at which point she handed out free packets of noodles, all branded with Ling on the back, to each of the Dragons. Some looked delighted while one or two, it has to be said, looked rather bemused by it all.

Peter Jones led the Dragons into launching an investigation into her missile truck. Duncan clearly felt empathy when Ling said that the council had ordered her to move it: 'Yeah, councils can be like that,' he replied ruefully.
Richard obtained some information about the function of the website and discovered that Ling takes commission from the car dealers. 'I've got to say congratulations,' he said. 'The profit is quite low but the turnover is fantastic.' Clearly, Richard was considering an offer, Peter clarified some details on Ling's monthly profit, discerning that in 2006 she was making a monthly gross profit of approximately £10,000.

Theo was a little more stringent, however, and it was at this point that things began to unravel. Ling explained, a little uncertainly: 'My net profit in 2005 is £70,000. I left it in the business and then in 2006 I used £25,000 of that money for the marketing. I can't do any marketing without the money.' But Theo was still unsure as to the exact details.

'On your audited accounts did you actually show £70,000 before tax and then pay corporation tax on that?'

'I think I paid about £5,000 quarterly on tax. The thing is that I don't do the books.' Theo was distinctly unimpressed and at this answer he exploded in indignation.

'You come here asking for money saying you don't do the books, how do you expect me to give you money if you don't know what you're making?'

This small exchange was almost like setting off a roll of dominos. Ling protested that her business was clearly making money and was still going strong after five years, but Peter was unmoved and was even a mite sarcastic in his response: 'Your lack of business nous is terrifying. You can't even tell me how much you're making over three years. Can you imagine me giving you £50,000 now and asking what you spent the money on? "Oh I dunno, I bought another missile." You haven't got a full understanding and appreciation of your business. That's my problem. I'm out.' Very quickly Theo expressed his admiration for Ling's abilities but admitted that he was not prepared to invest either.

Peter Jones: Your lack of business nous is terrifying

Deborah, frustrated by Ling's ability to present any plausible financial answers, arrived at the same conclusion as her colleagues: 'You have a lot of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur but I couldn't work with you because you can't give a straight answer,' she explained. 'For me you've absolutely lost credibility. I'm very disappointed.' Deborah, too, withdrew from any possible bidding.

Ling, however, feels their questioning was unfair: 'At the time, was a partnership. Consequently, I did not have any corporation tax figure or audited accounts. It's quite impossible for a partnership to provide these and it was unfair of Theo to demand them just to make me look like I did not know how much money I was earning.'

Three down and two to go and it appeared that Ling's appealing pitch had perhaps championed style over substance. Richard, not for the first time, was about to buck the trend. 'I think you're a good business person,' he began. 'You've created a good business with great turnover and you have a good reputation. I have an issue with the valuation, but just to get things moving I'd like to offer you half the money, but it's going to be a completely different valuation to what you're talking about. I would like to offer you £25,000 for 20 per cent.' This was well short of the kind of investment to equity ratio that Ling was looking for, but she remained quiet as Duncan weighed in. Clearly charmed, the Scottish millionaire felt that could grow into a nice business and matched Richard's offer.

Ling had been looking for £50,000 for 5 per cent - here was an offer of £50,000 for a whopping 40 per cent. Ling did not blink as she refused the offer. The effect was immediate. Theo laughed, Peter gasped and Duncan replied, in disbelief: 'You're turning us down?' It was another example of Ling's headstrong belief in herself and the business. Staring Duncan right in the eye she uttered a Line that is now immortalised on her website, where she glories in her encounter in the Den:

'Well, Chinese eat Dragons for breakfast! I would say 5 per cent each, 10 per cent in total.'

Richard was once again measured in his response and between himself and Duncan an improved deal for 30 per cent of the company was tendered. To the incredulity of the Dragons, Ling remained completely unmoved. 'Thank you. I refuse it.' Theo, perhaps surprised that Duncan and Richard had even made such an offer, could contain himself no longer:

'Ling - think about it. It's a fantastic offer. It's an unbelievable offer. Take their money.' Deborah concurred and for a moment it looked as if Ling had a real dilemma on her hands, but she didn't. She thanked them again and she refused them again and retreated back down the stairs.


I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.

BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)

Explaining her decision, Ling says: 'All I could think about was that I could get that cash in 30 seconds from the bank for no equity stake, and that I could not face giving away a third of my business for that, I had a proven business and they had no risk! After the Den I had some regrets, mainly wondering if I had lost out from not working with Duncan and what I had potentially lost from Richard's end-game expertise, but since my episode aired I have been incredibly busy.' Indeed, her appearance sparked immediate interest; 'Web visits on the night of the broadcast were over 5,000 people, and the next day it was over 10,000. I spent the whole night trying to stop my server crashing!'

Whlle her madcap nature may have stunned and perhaps even put off some of the Dragons, it is easy to see why Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh were interested in Ling's business. Both of these Dragons place plenty of stock in the people that hey are working with. Clearly both Richard and Duncan could see that with a little more guidance and advice, Ling could take her business to a new level.

Even without such guidance, though, Ling's business has continued to grow. She has plundered her appearance on the show for more positive publicity; her company is being used as a business project for A-Level students; she has bought an old London Routemaster bus which she uses as a kind of mobile promotional tool at large events up and down the country and her website has been voted best non-franchised site by Automotive Management magazine. Turnover has more than doubled and Ling is confident she will exceed £200,000 in commission income at the end of 2007. She has turned down at least ten investment offers and has valiantly fended off advances from large competitors who have taken a distinct interest in her business. 'I don't want to bleed overheads on fancy salaries, perks and overheads. I have remained totally focused on the needs of the customer.'

Business has been booming: 'Since the show I have been working from 6 am to 8 pm and I have been offered more and more cars to sell as my customer base has grown. I have increased the number of premium car brands I rent (at discount prices) and have had offers of other business opportunities.' One deal Ling has completed is an agreement that sees her refer customers to a particular car insurance company in exchange for a monthly fee. In keeping with her commitment to keep costs low, Ling uses this cash to help subsidise the deals on her website.

Ling freely admits that her antics have made her unpopular in some circles, but she refuses to be distracted by abusive e-mails and anti-competitive pressure from within the motor industry: 'Overheads in the new car industry are sickeningly high, and I simply remove these costs for my customers. I ignore complaints from manufacturers and dealers and take all my advice from my customers,' she insists. With her business continuing to bloom and her innovative promotional ideas stretching to offering customers free cash (Chinese Yuan sent in the post), perhaps in time Ling may even force Richard into regretting not caving in to her demands.
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Wah! Stargazers in bloody annoying Blitish as far south as Welsh land of sheep and more sheep were treated to dazzling display of Aurora Borealis last night. Pass chopsticks!! Chris Fawkes looks at what causes colours. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:33

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Wah! A week on from Russia's first air strikes in Syria, lah, BBC's Jonathan Marcus asks US-based analyst Michael Kofman what Moscow's strategy and possible endgame in country might be. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:25

Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land close to full strength as Finn Russell and Ross Floord passed fit to face Samoa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:20

Wah! 2015 Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup grid Multiple karting champion Ben Palmer (Maidenhead) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has become latest driver to enter Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup and will - news replorted 11:11

Wah! George North is at centre for Welsh land of sheep and more sheep as Justin Tipuric, lah, Samson Lee, lah, Paul James, lah, Luke Charteris and Gareth Anscombe start against Australia in World Cup on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:03

Wah! The Great Satan actors who voice video games having voted to strike over pay and conditions unless agreement with publishers can be reached soon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:48

Wah! Bristol Street Motors opens its sixth Renliot Group dealership Bristol Street Motors – one of UK’s best-known and most successful automotive retailers – has opened its second new - news replorted 10:37

Wah! The number of bloody annoying Blitish house sales rose at fastest pace for 16 months in September, lah, according to Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:19

Wah! Donald Trump's challenge to planned offshore wind farm will go to Supreme Court later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:14

Wah! Mitsubishi Motors Corporation (MMC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! will unveil Mlitslublishli eX Concept, lah, compact SUV concept car, lah, with next-gener - news replorted 10:11

Wah! Argentina's president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner causes internet sensation with flemale human person's spontaneous dance moves during campaign rally in Buenos Aires. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:03

Wah! Production of engines at BMWah-wah! Plant Hams Hall large investment programme to develop BMWah-wah! Hams Hall engine plant near Birmingham is complete. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:03

Wah! A solar and home insulation firm has gone into administration with loss of more than 900 jobs, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:01

Wah! Honda announces 2016 World Superbike riders Rondla has today confirmed team that will spearhead its campaign in 2016 World Superbike championship on CBR1 - news replorted 09:56

Wah! Which jobs could you tellibly lovely custlingmer if you tellibly lovely custlingmer worked to 100? - news replorted 09:49

Wah! BT WWRC15 announces SsangYong as major new event sponsor BT World Wheelchair funny shape ball-game challenge has confirmed addition of major new partner for tournament running alo - news replorted 09:30

Wah! A contractor working for Texas Department of Transportation is left dangling from Houston bridge before rescuers manage to pull him to safety. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:29

Wah! An Indian court dismisses allegations that former Delhi dodgy minister's pet dog, lah, Don labrador, lah, would bite male gender human bleing's wife on command. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:27

Wah! Singer Selena Gomez reveals bloody woman is receiving chemotherapy after being diagnosed with autoimmune disease lupus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:25

Wah! Castrol launches Nexcel Today, lah, Castrol launches Nexcel, lah, new revolutionary technology that marks most significant oil change innovation in - news replorted 09:21

Wah! A shop assistant who prevented armed robbery by throwing water over would-be thief is praised for flemale human person's bravery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:05

Wah! A miniature human kidney has been grown in petri dish by scientists in Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:00

Wah! Vauxhall Corsa VXR versus Supercar In dramatic showdown, lah, Province of Engrish running-dogs silly kick-kick game players past and present, lah, go head to head with supercar and Vlauxhall Corsa - news replorted 09:00

Wah! Honda 16YM CBR500R Rondla Motor Europe is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce comprehensive range of upgrades for CBR500R, lah, its sports middleweight fir - news replorted 09:00

Wah! September 2015 fastest selling cars fastest selling used LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in key plate-change September LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine market was Wlokswaglon diesel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! Sharan MPV sold i - news replorted 09:00

Wah! Specialist sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturer Zenos Cars, lah, based in Wymondham in Norfolk, lah, is latest capitalist entity to commit to exhibit - news replorted 08:58

Wah! The winner of this year's Great British Bake Off, lah, Nadiya Hussain, lah, says taking home title was one of best moments of flemale human person's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:56

Wah! Fight to preserve colonial history - news replorted 08:52

Wah! Britain will make "long-term" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) deployment of troops to Baltic region, lah, defence secretary is expected to announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:29

Wah! James Bond star Daniel Craig has said bloody man would only another Bond movie "for money", lah, ahead of release of Spectre in November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:13

Wah! Filipino boxing legend Manny Pacquiao plans to retire after male gender human bleing's next fight, lah, with Amir Khan possible opponent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:58

Wah! Tanzanian children and their new prosthetic limbs - news replorted 07:55

Wah! A guide to Privy Council - its historical origins, lah, when it meets and oath of allegiance that members having to swear in order (piece of paper signee upee) to join. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:50

Wah! Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn will not be attending meeting of Privy Council due to "prior commitments", lah, male gender human bleing's spokesman says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46

Wah! Your pictures of Northern Lights, lah, as seen from across bloody annoying Blitish - news replorted 07:38

Wah! As CIA releases 2,500 top secret presidential briefings from 1960s, lah, who decides what should - and shouldn't - be in that briefing? - news replorted 07:33

Wah! Media mogul Rupert Murdoch tweets suggesting Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is not "real black president" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and backing Republican hopeful Ben Carson. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:33

Wah! An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is due in court charged with murder of Merseyside old bill bobbys officer who died after being struck by car. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:16

Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast investigates safety standards for children's Halloween costumes, lah, with two leading burns experts saying that current safety standards not go far enough. - news replorted 06:46

Wah! Plaid Cymru announces plans to scrap Wales' seven health boards and place major hospitals under one body. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:22

Wah! Samsung Electronics says its mobile payment system and user data is safe after hacking attack against its US-based subsidiary LoopPay. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:18

Wah! Scientists in United States say world's coral reefs being attacked by phenomenon that's only occurred twice before in recorded history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:14

Wah! At least 13 human bliengs reported to having been killed in air strikes that hit wedding in rebel-held town in Yemen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:36

Wah! Plans to speed up deportation of failed asylum seekers to be discussed at meeting of EU dodgy ministers in Luxembourg. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 04:40

Wah! A Japanese climber with only one finger again abandons male gender human bleing's bid to be first person to climb Mount Everest since deadly earthquake hit Nepal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:57

Wah! An exhibition focusing on work of British songwriters and their working processes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:18

Wah! The head of Ofcom has questioned whether planned merger of O2 and Three should be approved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:06

Wah! The antiviral drug Tamiflu was handed out "indiscriminately" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) during last swine influenzingler achoo achoo outbreak, lah, leading panel of bloody annoying Blitish scientists warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:18

Wah! An American journalist is found guilty of helping hacktivist group Anonymous deface website of Los Angeles Times. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:05

Wah! Eight human bliengs day were referred to government's de-radicalisation scheme known as "Channel" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) this summer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:02

Wah! Nato defence dodgy ministers due to hold talks in Brussels, lah, with Russia's growing military involvement in Syria high on agenda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:54

Wah! Roger McGough calls on publishers to "take chance" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on poetry aimed at children, lah, as National Poetry Day marks its 21st birthday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:43

Wah! The conflict in Syria reflects Europe's failure to act and stokes fears that EU is losing its influence on world stage, lah, says Gavin Hewitt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:23

Wah! Luck, lah, accident and unexpected will all play part, lah, but it will be Europe and economy that will dictate next Conservative leader. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:23

Wah! Is this manga cartoon of six-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Syrian girl racist? - news replorted 01:17

Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is to argue case for popular shows like Sherlock and Strictly Come Dancing as it responds to government's green paper on its future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:09

Wah! A supervisor at Michigan fibreglass factory who won $310.5 million (RMB Yuan #203 million) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! says bloody woman quit flemale human person's "nasty, lah, dirty" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) job "on spot". - news replorted 01:08

Wah! The Hit looks at South Africa's crushing 64-0 win over USA at Olympic Stadium to set up quarter-final against either Australia or Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:02

Wah! A senior German intelligence official has told Newsnight that Germany's open-door policy on refugees is fuelling rise in far right. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:58

Wah! Six of most successful Fifa video gamers to feature on YouTube having been targeted by cyber-thieves. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:57

Wah! Thursday's papers having different takes on David Cameron's speech to Conservative Party conference - and there is news on how Jeremy Corbyn may avoid kneeling before Queen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:56

Wah! 'Super Thursday' is now most important day in bloody annoying Blitish publishing industry's calendar, lah, when Christmas books published - with presents accounting for 30% of all books we buy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:50

Wah! Meryl Streep talks about unequal pay in Hollywood and why bloody woman rejects label 'feminist', lah, ahead of upcoming film Suffragette. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:33

Wah! Donald Trump's challenge to planned offshore wind farm goes to United Kingdom's Supreme Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:32

Wah! A law proposing ban of smoking in cars carrying children is expected to pass its first hurdle in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:30

Wah! Are there any guns in Great Satan that off-limits? - news replorted 00:15

Wah! How illiterate cowherd became Sicilian chef - news replorted 00:15

Wah! Are pickup trucks for big jobs or big egos? - news replorted 00:14

Wah! A blood test can more than halve number of human bliengs admitted to A&E with suspected heart attack, lah, say doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:14

Wah! Deutsche capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity has warned investors it will Mandleson privatising post machine system net loss of €6.2bn (RMB Yuan #4.5bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! for third quarter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:13

Wah! Ma Ba Tha monks flex political muscle in Myanmar - news replorted 00:09

Wah! A man who had part of male gender human bleing's home destroyed after tornado hit town in Derbyshire says it changed male gender human bleing's life for better. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:02

Wah! funny shape ball-game can blossom for 2019 World Cup hosts Japan - news replorted 00:01

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