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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

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Bannatyne & Ling on TV "Oi, Bannatyne!!"
shouted Ling Valentine, as she rolled up to surprise the Scotch Dragon on the Newcastle Quayside in her German-flagged yellow "wasp".

Bannatyne & Ling Unsurprisingly, Duncan looked on in sheer disbelief. After all, it had been four years since Ling had arrived in the Den, taunted the Dragons with her outlandishly different marketing techniques. Ling walked away from a deal, turning down Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh.

Duncan Bannatyne

Since then, business for Ling has been booming! Turning over £35million worth of cars in 2010, it turns out that Ling really didn't seem to need the Dragons' money in the first place.

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10 seconds of Deborah Meaden on Ling

Duncan declined the offer of a lift from Ling, but did visit World Headquarters in Gateshead, to see first hand how Ling manages to churn out so many new cars each month.

He was greeted by a pile of cash; £50,000 to be exact, the same amount he and Richard had offered Ling in the first place. After falling victim to his Scotch blood and putting the cash in his suit pocket, Ling showed him around the office and allowed him a brief moment to glaze over the LINGsCARS accounts.

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2 minutes of Ling gobbing off

How to Win a Dragon on BBC2 That's when the Dragon began to spit flames. The summary of accounts that Ling had provided was not good enough, Duncan wanted to know EXACTLY what he'd missed out on, and demanded to speak to Ling's accountant.

Ling stood her ground, and a stalemate was reached, with Duncan settling for the Companies House accounts for LINGsCARS, finally realising the goldmine Ling had originally denied him.

Bannatyne on the Bridge Ling showed Bannatyne that his £25,000 investment would now have been worth £100,000 (plus his original £25k back). Bannatyne disputed these figures, though it's unsure what the BBC will show. Since the filming, Ling has completed her April 2011 accounts and can now prove that Bannatyne was utterly wrong to contradict her figures, which are correct.

Profit for LINGsCARS in the year 2010 to 2011 is in excess of £100,000!

Bannatyne at World HQ
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Ling's full 11 minute appearance on the programme

A BBC Book:

"from pitch to profit"

"Business lessons are brought to life through the insights and strategies of myself, the Dragons and the entrepreneurs"

A lesson in Sales and Marketing:
Ling Valentine and

"Well, I have been featured as a chapter in a new BBC book. Here, you can read it. Hope you enjoy as much as the Dragons enjoyed my pitch! There's a clip, to the right..."- Ling!

You can download this chapter of the book (shown below) as a pdf to print, HERE (2.6 Mb)

You can buy this book (discounted) at Amazon, HERE

Extract from Dragons' Den, Success from pitch to profit...
A lesson in Sales and Marketing: Ling Valentine and

Ling Valentine had been running her business for about five years by the time she appeared before the Dragons in February 2007. With an entertaining and spirited pitch that managed to crack smiles on even the most stony of Dragon faces, Ling displayed charm and enthusiasm as well as a truly unique eye for marketing techniques. Her personality and skills led to both Richard Farleigh and Duncan Bannatyne offering to buy equity in her company, but that was only the start of the drama

The story of Ling's career is facinating: 'I was stuck in China as just another one of the 1.2 billion people competing for a thin slice of a small cake, so, having completed my BSc in Applied Chemistry, in 1996 I went to Finland to continue my studies,' she explains. While in Helsinki, Ling met future husband and business partner Jon through an early version of an internet chat room. Eventually, Ling flew to England for a visit and they drove around Europe together to meet other friends they had met through the same websites. 'Of course,' says Ling, 'we fell in love and that was that!'

After a protracted period of wading through red tape, Ling moved to Britain. While Jon ran a contract hire business, she returned to university and obtained an MSc in Environmental Protection. Finally, a move to Newcastle saw the pair decide to set up their own business and was born. In simple terms, Ling offers individuals or businesses the opportunity to rent brand new cars over an extended period of time - usually between one to three years, with a mileage constraint built into the agreement. Ling scours car dealerships herself and showcases the best deals that she can find on her cluttered, blinking but delightful website that emphasises friendliness and approachability rather than corporate facelessness and difficult jargon.

The service has many advantages. Customers do not need significant finance to be able to use a brand new car for a few years, there is plenty of choice thanks to Ling's own research and there are attractive bonuses such as free road-tax for the duration of the contract. Quite apart from all that, Ling provides a personal and honest touch that many people clearly find refreshing and reassuring - a fact qualified by over 600 letters and emails of recommendation on the site.

It is Ling herself who is the focus of the branding of the company. 'Everyone always told me I have a weird character,' she explains. 'I am quite forceful and if I want something I just get it. So I thought: there are no Chinese birds selling cars in the UK, so why not simply market myself as a unique concept? I like to have fun and that is what is missing from car sales. I am confident enough that my service is quite simply the best in the UK, so I stuck my name and my head on the website!'

Ling has become justly well known for her bizarre and hugely inventive promotional ideas. The most famous, which Ling showcased in the Den, is her nuclear missile truck. 'It was really down to Tony Blair and George Bush,' she says. 'They were making so much of the "weapons of mass destruction" and I thought - I can do better than that! So I imported an ex-People's Liberation Army nuclear decontamination truck from China. It's lovely. It cost me £3,500 in total, plus VAT. It arrived on a boat from Shanghai.' Together, Ling and Jon built a missile and branded it with Ling's head and the name of the business. 'I parked it in Sedgefield and pointed it west, towards George Bush,' adds Ling triumphantly. 'When I finally had to move it I received hundreds of letters and emails from people saying they missed it!' The Angel of the North, it seems, has some competition.

'I live inside my website,' says Ling. 'It is everything to me. I really wanted the most thought -provoking, useful and entertaining car website in the UK. Being from China, freedom of speech is important to me, so I went out of my way to tell the truth to customers without the waffle. The first thing I did was provide accurate car stock information and clear pricing, because so many other websites simply do not provide these most basic facts. To communicate with customers I employed the same device that Jon and I used when I was living in Finland - instant web chat. I made it a rule from day one that customers could talk to me live on the website and this is extremely popular.'

In the past Ling offered a free lunch, distributed Chaiman Mao Little Red Books in exchange for poetry from customers, and made short videos in which her sister Shan road-tested various cars for the benefit of viewers. Naturally, the series was named Chop Gear and it featured Shan in a Chinese People's Liberation Army uniform explaining the features and advantages of different cars - most importantly, how many Chinese takeaways can fit snugly into the boot. 'BMW have never forgiven me for that,' smiles Ling. It is a site voted one of the Top 100 sites in the worId by FHM magazine.

In 2006, Ling was the winner of the Women in Retail category at the North East Entrepreneur of the Year awards. 'I share this honour with Duncan Bannatyne who won the equivalent male award in the past,' says Ling proudly.

On returning from a trip to China Ling began to prepare her presentation for the Dragons. 'I wanted a small investment as my business does not eat cash but I was also looking for help with a five-year business plan and an exit strategy. So, having read Duncan's book and researched Richard's success in this area, I focused on these two Dragons,' explains Ling. Most importantly, though, she was determined to make a very special impression: 'Having fun was a real aim of mine. It's pointless to bore the socks off the viewers. I really wanted to entertain the Dragons because I knew I would have a much easier time if they were laughing!'

Many entrepreneurs enter the Den dressed for the occasion in suits or other appropriate business wear. Ling, of course, was never likely to let standard protocol obstruct her own individuality and, armed with visual aids depicting her website and her nuclear missile, Ling faced the Dragons in combat trousers, a bright orange shirt and a Mongolian fur-trimmed body warmer. The panel were therefore immediately aware that this particular presentation was going to be a little different. 'I really thought Peter Jones would moan, but he never mentioned my clothes,' laughs Ling.

Ling began by directing the Dragons towards the photo of her branded missile truck, a useful ploy to engage their interest as quickly as possible. She then began to explain the nature of her business: 'Contract hire is a very cheap way to run a brand new car. In the US more than 20 per cent of cars are purchased this way, while in the UK it is less than 1 per cent. On my website people can choose the car they want and if they have good credit history the car will be delivered to them. Easy. On average I sell £1 million worth of cars per month and I have made over £100,000 in gross profit in each of the last two years.' Ling then asked for £50,000 for a 5 per cent share in the company, adding that the money would be put towards more marketing schemes, and clairned that by 2010 that initial investment would be worth £400,000.

That was pretty much the end of a succinct and confident pitch, but, her eyes once again on effective publicity, Ling utilised an idea from her website: 'You can trust me that I have good marketing skills and I'd like to remind you of your British saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch,"' at which point she handed out free packets of noodles, all branded with Ling on the back, to each of the Dragons. Some looked delighted while one or two, it has to be said, looked rather bemused by it all.

Peter Jones led the Dragons into launching an investigation into her missile truck. Duncan clearly felt empathy when Ling said that the council had ordered her to move it: 'Yeah, councils can be like that,' he replied ruefully.
Richard obtained some information about the function of the website and discovered that Ling takes commission from the car dealers. 'I've got to say congratulations,' he said. 'The profit is quite low but the turnover is fantastic.' Clearly, Richard was considering an offer, Peter clarified some details on Ling's monthly profit, discerning that in 2006 she was making a monthly gross profit of approximately £10,000.

Theo was a little more stringent, however, and it was at this point that things began to unravel. Ling explained, a little uncertainly: 'My net profit in 2005 is £70,000. I left it in the business and then in 2006 I used £25,000 of that money for the marketing. I can't do any marketing without the money.' But Theo was still unsure as to the exact details.

'On your audited accounts did you actually show £70,000 before tax and then pay corporation tax on that?'

'I think I paid about £5,000 quarterly on tax. The thing is that I don't do the books.' Theo was distinctly unimpressed and at this answer he exploded in indignation.

'You come here asking for money saying you don't do the books, how do you expect me to give you money if you don't know what you're making?'

This small exchange was almost like setting off a roll of dominos. Ling protested that her business was clearly making money and was still going strong after five years, but Peter was unmoved and was even a mite sarcastic in his response: 'Your lack of business nous is terrifying. You can't even tell me how much you're making over three years. Can you imagine me giving you £50,000 now and asking what you spent the money on? "Oh I dunno, I bought another missile." You haven't got a full understanding and appreciation of your business. That's my problem. I'm out.' Very quickly Theo expressed his admiration for Ling's abilities but admitted that he was not prepared to invest either.

Peter Jones: Your lack of business nous is terrifying

Deborah, frustrated by Ling's ability to present any plausible financial answers, arrived at the same conclusion as her colleagues: 'You have a lot of what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur but I couldn't work with you because you can't give a straight answer,' she explained. 'For me you've absolutely lost credibility. I'm very disappointed.' Deborah, too, withdrew from any possible bidding.

Ling, however, feels their questioning was unfair: 'At the time, was a partnership. Consequently, I did not have any corporation tax figure or audited accounts. It's quite impossible for a partnership to provide these and it was unfair of Theo to demand them just to make me look like I did not know how much money I was earning.'

Three down and two to go and it appeared that Ling's appealing pitch had perhaps championed style over substance. Richard, not for the first time, was about to buck the trend. 'I think you're a good business person,' he began. 'You've created a good business with great turnover and you have a good reputation. I have an issue with the valuation, but just to get things moving I'd like to offer you half the money, but it's going to be a completely different valuation to what you're talking about. I would like to offer you £25,000 for 20 per cent.' This was well short of the kind of investment to equity ratio that Ling was looking for, but she remained quiet as Duncan weighed in. Clearly charmed, the Scottish millionaire felt that could grow into a nice business and matched Richard's offer.

Ling had been looking for £50,000 for 5 per cent - here was an offer of £50,000 for a whopping 40 per cent. Ling did not blink as she refused the offer. The effect was immediate. Theo laughed, Peter gasped and Duncan replied, in disbelief: 'You're turning us down?' It was another example of Ling's headstrong belief in herself and the business. Staring Duncan right in the eye she uttered a Line that is now immortalised on her website, where she glories in her encounter in the Den:

'Well, Chinese eat Dragons for breakfast! I would say 5 per cent each, 10 per cent in total.'

Richard was once again measured in his response and between himself and Duncan an improved deal for 30 per cent of the company was tendered. To the incredulity of the Dragons, Ling remained completely unmoved. 'Thank you. I refuse it.' Theo, perhaps surprised that Duncan and Richard had even made such an offer, could contain himself no longer:

'Ling - think about it. It's a fantastic offer. It's an unbelievable offer. Take their money.' Deborah concurred and for a moment it looked as if Ling had a real dilemma on her hands, but she didn't. She thanked them again and she refused them again and retreated back down the stairs.


I turn down investment from Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh on BBC 2 Dragons' Den.

- Note, you must download and play this movie locally, as YouTube think it is copyright BBC.

BBC 2 Dragons' Den pitch (44Mb, 11 mins)

Explaining her decision, Ling says: 'All I could think about was that I could get that cash in 30 seconds from the bank for no equity stake, and that I could not face giving away a third of my business for that, I had a proven business and they had no risk! After the Den I had some regrets, mainly wondering if I had lost out from not working with Duncan and what I had potentially lost from Richard's end-game expertise, but since my episode aired I have been incredibly busy.' Indeed, her appearance sparked immediate interest; 'Web visits on the night of the broadcast were over 5,000 people, and the next day it was over 10,000. I spent the whole night trying to stop my server crashing!'

Whlle her madcap nature may have stunned and perhaps even put off some of the Dragons, it is easy to see why Duncan Bannatyne and Richard Farleigh were interested in Ling's business. Both of these Dragons place plenty of stock in the people that hey are working with. Clearly both Richard and Duncan could see that with a little more guidance and advice, Ling could take her business to a new level.

Even without such guidance, though, Ling's business has continued to grow. She has plundered her appearance on the show for more positive publicity; her company is being used as a business project for A-Level students; she has bought an old London Routemaster bus which she uses as a kind of mobile promotional tool at large events up and down the country and her website has been voted best non-franchised site by Automotive Management magazine. Turnover has more than doubled and Ling is confident she will exceed £200,000 in commission income at the end of 2007. She has turned down at least ten investment offers and has valiantly fended off advances from large competitors who have taken a distinct interest in her business. 'I don't want to bleed overheads on fancy salaries, perks and overheads. I have remained totally focused on the needs of the customer.'

Business has been booming: 'Since the show I have been working from 6 am to 8 pm and I have been offered more and more cars to sell as my customer base has grown. I have increased the number of premium car brands I rent (at discount prices) and have had offers of other business opportunities.' One deal Ling has completed is an agreement that sees her refer customers to a particular car insurance company in exchange for a monthly fee. In keeping with her commitment to keep costs low, Ling uses this cash to help subsidise the deals on her website.

Ling freely admits that her antics have made her unpopular in some circles, but she refuses to be distracted by abusive e-mails and anti-competitive pressure from within the motor industry: 'Overheads in the new car industry are sickeningly high, and I simply remove these costs for my customers. I ignore complaints from manufacturers and dealers and take all my advice from my customers,' she insists. With her business continuing to bloom and her innovative promotional ideas stretching to offering customers free cash (Chinese Yuan sent in the post), perhaps in time Ling may even force Richard into regretting not caving in to her demands.
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Wah! Amelia Jones's mother says bloody woman was shocked when flemale human person's accused father said bloody man did not 'hold grudges against baby'. - news replorted 12:09

Wah! France's Senate rejects planned 2013 law penalising human bliengs who pay for sex and decides to maintain offence of soliciting. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 12:09

Wah! The 2015 Bonhams London (capital of Great England) to Brighton Veteran LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Run In recognition of large number of American automobiles regularly taking part in annual Veteran LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Run, lah, this yea - news replorted 12:02

Wah! Mazda’s all-new MX-5 to debut at velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed In year that sees debut of three all-new models, lah, Madzla will be showcasing newest members of its stylish, lah, spiri - news replorted 12:00

Wah! Record-Breaker Kirobo Returns From Space Robot-astronaut rewarded with two Guinness World Records for its work on board International Space Station - news replorted 11:56

Wah! Rising numbers of new teachers leaving profession within year of qualifying, lah, says teachers' union leader. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:46

Wah! Dundalk man has been sentenced to six months in prison after two separate assaults on medical staff - news replorted 11:44

Wah! Twenty-five new jobs being created at Narberth water bottling plant after capitalist entity announced investment of RMB Yuan #5.5m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:41

Wah! A teacher who admitted having sex with teenage girl and asked flemale human person's to sign "slave contract" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with him, lah, is banned from classroom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:40

Wah! It is slowest recovery on record, lah, but living standards now back to where they were at clock time result of last election - news replorted 11:27

Wah! Peruvian Prime dodgy minister Ana Jara is sacked by Congress over allegations that country's spy agency gathered inflomination on thousands of Peruvians. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:19

Wah! A huge power outage hits several cities in Turkey, lah, including Istanbul's public transport network. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:18

Wah! The wife and adult children of late actor and comedian Robin Williams agree to meet outside court to try and resolve their arglingument over male gender human bleing's belongings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:15

Wah! Wolf Run Team Vocis recent diagnosis of highly regarded, lah, senior member of automotive engineering community has raised awareness of - news replorted 11:13

Wah! MG opens multi-million expensive dealeringship buildling in heart of London MG has announced it will open prestigious multi-million pound flagship expensive dealeringship buildling in heart of London’s Piccadilly. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:00

Wah! Harman International Industries, lah, Incorporated (NYSE:HAR), lah, leading global infotainment, lah, audio and enterprise automati - news replorted 11:00

Wah! Gary Hall, lah, Culture Coventry and David Bond, lah, Footman James UK’s finest transport museum has teamed up with one of country’s leading classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine insurlince brokers, lah, to hold - news replorted 11:00

Wah! NFL side Atlanta Falcons lose their draft pick for 2016 and fined $350,000 for using fake crowd noise at home games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:57

Wah! Deflation in eurozone eased during monthly number-three while rate of unemployment dipped slightly in February, lah, figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:45

Wah! A British tourist killed in terror attack at museum in Tunisia died from gunshot wounds, lah, coroner hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:45

Wah! A old bill bobbys watchdog calls for code of practice, lah, backed by law, lah, to govern controversial policy of stop-and-search. - news replorted 10:44

Wah! The financial well-being of bloody annoying Blitish households improved last year, lah, but overall it is not much better than it was five years ago, lah, according to official figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:36

Wah! Turkish Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters back sweeping new powers for old bill bobbys - and critics fear that intolerance is becoming entrenched, lah, Selin Girit reports from Istanbul. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:35

Wah! Joey Essex talks about interviewing Nick Clegg, lah, praising deputy prime dodgy minister for male gender human bleing's "honesty". - news replorted 10:28

Wah! Intelligent Energy's motive managing director James Batchelor On monthly number-three 26th, lah, government announced that RMB Yuan #45 million will be made available to help taxis in London (capital of Great England) and other cities - news replorted 10:20

Wah! Five years after being diagnosed with terminal leukaemia, lah, Australian broadcaster and poet Clive James says bloody man is near to death but thankful for life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:19

Wah! An airline passenger's touching handwritten garbling written down on paper message thanking flemale human person's pilots for taking flemale human person's home is being shared across Twitter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:15

Wah! Red Arrows regulars at FoS, lah, and return in 2015 Today velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood is delighted to officially launch 2015 Festival of Speed – for first clock time result exclusively online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:00

Wah! Honda’s flagship production facility in Europe, lah, Rondla of bloody annoying Blitish Manufacturing will become global production hub for th - news replorted 09:58

Wah! TomTom Traffic Index congested road Traffic congestion in cities across bloody annoying Blitish has worsened considerably over past year, lah, according to major new report - news replorted 09:54

Wah! Top Gear executive producer Andy Wilman denies bloody man is quitting show after leaked email from him thanking staff and marking end of era. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:52

Wah! The chairman of South Africa's power utility resigns following calls for him to be sacked over allegations of interfering with operations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:51

Wah! The UK's economy grew at faster pace than initially estimated last year, lah, revised official figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:39

Wah! Virginia Woolf's final garbling written down on paper message final garbling written down on paper message was found by flemale human person's husband Leonard on day bloody woman disappeared. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:33

Wah! Winds of up to 97mph hit parts of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep as motorists warned to expect difficult conditions on roads. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:10

Wah! A study finds that ants on board International Space Station still using teamwork to search new areas, lah, despite falling off walls of their containers for up to eight seconds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:09

Wah! Italian online fashion retailer Yoox agrees all-share merger deal London-based rival Net-a-Porter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:59

Wah! Boom clock time result for British LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine industry Britain’s booming LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturing industry has received yet another huge boost with three major manufacturers announci - news replorted 08:44

Wah! Myanmar's President Thein Sein witnesses signing of draft ceasefire agreement between government and 16 rebel groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:33

Wah! The village of Botton in North Yorkshire has been home to human bliengs with learning disabilities for 60 years, lah, but there claim (always claiming, huh?) that changes to employment laws posing threat to community. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:24

Wah! Filming on fifth Pirates of Caribbean film is delayed until 15 rainy season-month Aplil as star Johnny Depp continues to recover from hand injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:16

Wah! One week on from Germanwings plane crash in Alps, lah, search for victims' remains intensifies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:14

Wah! Plaid Cymru has not yet convinced Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs voters to switch from Labour, lah, former Plaid leader Lord Elis-Thomas says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:01

Wah! Two men rescued after tug boat they were working on capsized and sank off Fawley marine terminal in Southampton Water. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:59

Wah! Super-Duper-Chinese-State tech giant Huawei Technologies says profits jumped third last year, lah, boosted by strong performances in all its businesses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:54

Wah! Kingfisher, lah, owner of DIY chains B&Q and Screwfix, lah, is to close about 60 B&Q stores in bloody annoying Blitish and autonomous province of Guinness drinkers over next two years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:42

Wah! Louis Tomlinson calls Naughty Boy "inconsiderate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after bloody man shares new Zayn Malik track on Twitter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:29

Wah! Normandy Garage, lah, Guildford It’s no joke – MG’s latest, bloody dealering idiot place will start trading on rainy season-month Aplil 1 as brand’s surge in sales continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:00

Wah! Last hours of intensive diplomacy over Iran's nuclear programme take place in Switzerland ahead of Tuesday's deadline for long-awaited deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:57

Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs authors Alexander McCall Smith and Irvine Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs among six writers nominated for award celebrating year's funniest books. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:45

Wah! The BBC's Lina Sinjab spent day with Um Bassam, lah, Syrian Palestinian mother of five who fled Syria for Lebanon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:37

Wah! "I knowing what I need to do" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - Bubba Watson is more relaxed as bloody man defends Masters title for second time, lah, writes Iain Carter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:26

Wah! Northern Ireland's five education and library boards will cease to exist as of midnight on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:16

Wah! Nigeria's Muhammadu Buhari edges ahead of President velly damn good boiled chicken-feetluck Jonathan in early election counts, lah, though key states yet to declare. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:13

Wah! The Liberal Democrats will fight to build stronger economy and fairer society for Wales, lah, Nick Clegg says, lah, as bloody man launches party's Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs campaign for general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:11

Wah! A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Singaporean is charged and given S$20,000 bail over YouTube video criticising late leader Lee Kuan Yew and Christianity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:09

Wah! A woman who lost flemale human person's brother at Hillsborough says bloody woman can no longer face regularly attending inquests, lah, one year after they began. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:04

Wah! A tenth of 12 to 13-year-olds worried they "addicted" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to pornography, lah, study by NSPCC ChildLine service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service has found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:01

Wah! A young woman talks about how flemale human person's boyfriend's pornography habit led to him abusing flemale human person's when bloody woman was 13. - news replorted 06:00

Wah! At least six human bliengs having died in landslides following floods in Indian-administered Kashmir, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:54

Wah! Youngsters who need treatment for mental illnesses being sent to Province of Engrish running-dogs despite there being beds available at new RMB Yuan #2.5m unit in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:49

Wah! Britain and United States having voiced concerns about irregularities in counting of votes after Nigeria's elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:44

Wah! Intense negotiations over Iran's nuclear programme enter final day in Switzerland, lah, ahead of deadline to reach preliminary deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:11

Wah! The governor of Indiana strongly defends male gender human bleing's contentious religious freedom law, lah, amid backlash from gay rights supporters, lah, including some famous names. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:37

Wah! Despite volatility in its Asian business, lah, world's largest spirits maker, lah, Diageo, lah, says 50% of its products' sales growth will come from region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:11

Wah! Some of biggest names in entertainment having re-launched music subscription service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service Tidal, lah, which they claim (always claiming, huh?) will change musical history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:10

Wah! Binge drinking is costing bloody annoying Blitish taxpayers RMB Yuan #4.9bn year, lah, study has suggested. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:03

Wah! Japan extends sanctions against North Korea for two more years, lah, citing no progress in talks on abducted Japanese nationals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:02

Wah! Fossils from ocean floor yielding clues to Indian monsoon millions of years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:59

Wah! How Ebola still affects love lives and wallets - news replorted 03:44

Wah! Betty Churcher, lah, one of Australia's most popular and innovative arts administrators, lah, dies at age of 84. - news replorted 03:42

Wah! Plaid Cymru will using its influence in hung parliament to "unleash Wales' economic potential", lah, party leader Leanne Wood says, lah, as party launches its election manifesto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:38

Wah! A Malaysian court finds local man guilty of murdering two British medical students in Borneo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:35

Wah! Do trade treaties that include investor-state arglingument settlements as right pose threat to democracy from multinational companies? - news replorted 03:19

Wah! Uganda circumcision truck fights HIV - news replorted 03:10

Wah! How Greek nude shaped future - news replorted 02:41

Wah! The true story of this refugee girl's 'surrender' - news replorted 01:59

Wah! The teens who make their dolls tell stories - news replorted 01:58

Wah! The Syrians who nearly died in tank of melted chocolate - news replorted 01:55

Wah! The art forger who fooled museums for 30 years - news replorted 01:53

Wah! The head of MI6 unveils blue bloody Engrish Heritage plaque in Whitehall in memory of first chief of Secret Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:53

Wah! The anti-corruption Aam Admi Party is embroiled in feud and looks headed for split, lah, writes Soutik Biswas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:51

Wah! Samira Ahmed looks at how Sir Kenneth Branagh, lah, noted for male gender human bleing's Shakespearean productions, lah, ended up directing live-action Cinderella. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:50

Wah! Researchers at Smithsonian Institution in Washington say whale communication depends on jaw movements and methods these mammals using to catch food. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:44

Wah! What drives candidates to spend months knocking on doors, lah, when they knowing they having no chance of winning when polling day comes around? - news replorted 01:33

Wah! A Red Cross employee has been killed and another hurtee-hurtee in gun attack by suspected Islamist militants in Mali, lah, aid organisation says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:22

Wah! Pledges on economy, lah, businesses and mental health expected from Westminster's party leaders as general election campaigning continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:15

Wah! Some of biggest names in entertainment having re-launched music subscription service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service Tidal, lah, which they claim (always claiming, huh?) will change musical history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:15

Wah! McLaren 570S Coupé McLaren has completed its three tier model strategy with global reavealingly showing Great Satan of first in its Sports Series family: - news replorted 01:00

Wah! A mental health charity which treats military veterans says referrals having increased by 26% in last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:45

Wah! Tuesday's papers mark beginning of formal election campaign with raft of stories about scope and nature of spending cuts which would be likely after general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:44

Wah! Can excessive salaries be curbed? - news replorted 00:21

Wah! Glasgow School of Art is due to announce details of architect chosen to lead restoration of fire-damaged Mackintosh building. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:14

Wah! In series looking at fighty bang-bang in Ukraine and success of truce signed last month in Minsk, lah, Natalia Antelava and Abdujalil Abdurasulov meet villager still living by frontline. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:12

Wah! Patient safety campaigners due to meet ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's health dodgy minister to demand stronger measures in wake of series of health scandals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12

Wah! Healthcare, lah, house-buying, lah, poverty and austerity focus for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's political parties on day two of general election campaigning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:07

Wah! It would be "national disgrace" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if Province of Engrish running-dogs's best youngsters not play at U21 Euros, lah, says ex-striker Gary Lineker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:03

Wah! Lewis Moody and Land Rover searching for funny shape ball-game World Cup mascots Land Rover is searching for youngsters to become official mascots for funny shape ball-game World Cup 2015 which kicks off later this ye - news replorted 00:01

Wah! Brake, lah, road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety charity, lah, has released resource pack aimed at helping SMEs improve safety of staff who controlling in driving manner - news replorted 00:01

Wah! A substantial number of teenagers experimenting with e-cigarettes, lah, even those who having never smoked, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00

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