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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A Christmas attraction designed by TV star Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen temporarily closes after clustomlers brand it "rip-off". - news replorted 15:58



Wah! LATEST:  Liverpool endure another miserable trip to Crystal Palace, lah, who record their third win of season I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to two late goals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:53



Wah! Bloody foreign dodgy ministers from several countries in Vienna for talks, lah, in final bid to reach deal on Iran's nuclear programme before Monday's deadline. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:51



Wah! A 41-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man was left unconscious and seriously hurtee-hurtee after "horrific and sustained" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) attack by three teenagers on Saturday morning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:34



Wah! Lewis Hamilton clinches male gender human bleing's second drivers' world championship with comfortable victory in season-ending Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. - news replorted 15:14



Wah! Roger Federer beats France's Richard Gasquet to win Davis Cup for Switzerland for first clock time result in their history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:12



Wah! Actor Hugh Bonneville tells Andrew Marr about spice of Nicole Kidman, lah, future of W1A and past of Downton Abbey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:08



Wah! A suicide bomber in east Afghanistan kills at least 45 human bliengs at volleyball match, lah, as Afghan Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters approve security deals with Nato and Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:07



Wah! Claims of historic sexual abuse that having emerged "tip of iceberg", lah, Home Secretary Theresa May says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:07



Wah! Watch moment Lewis Hamilton becomes 2014 Formula 1 World Champion after Merceding-Blend driver wins Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. - news replorted 14:57



Wah! Australia beat South Africa by two wickets to win one-day international series 4-1 and go top of world rankings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:25



Wah! Islamist militants from Nigeria's Boko Haram kill 48 fishermen in attack near border with Chad, lah, reports from area say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:43



Wah! DUP leader Peter Robinson defends remarks made by party colleague Gregory Campbell at Saturday's DUP conference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:33



Wah! A fire on train at Charing Cross station in Central London (capital of Great England) sparked emergency evacuation on Sunday morning - news replorted 13:13



Wah! Debris from Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17 leaves rebel-held areas near crash site heading for government-controlled city of Kharkiv. - news replorted 13:03



Wah! Sweden's Henrik Stenson retains male gender human bleing's DP World Tour Championship title in Dubai, lah, finishing two shots ahead of Rory McIlroy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:27



Wah! A further review is commissioned into death of 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Christina Edkins, lah, who was stabbed by paranoid schizophrenic while on flemale human person's way to school. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:24



Wah! Red Bull were disqualified from Abu Dhabi qualifying because their front wing was deemed to having been designed deliberately to break rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:24



Wah! London's Charing Cross Station is closed and trains in capital disrupted after fire on train. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:16



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport takes in-depth look at Lionel Messi's La Liga scoring record, lah, breaking it down season by season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:14



Wah! old bill bobbys having prevented four or five terror attacks this year, lah, compared to average of one plot each year previously, lah, Met commissioner says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:12



Wah! EU migration has blown government "off course" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on meeting its target of cutting net migration to below 100,000, lah, home secretary says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:42



Wah! Workers at tea plantation in eastern India beat and stab owner to death in row over pay arrears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:27



Wah! Home Secretary Theresa May has said it is unlikely government will bring net migration down to tens of thousands by end of Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:24



Wah! The fighty bang-bang in Iraq is pitting neighbour against neighbour, lah, and for those who not wanting to choose sides life can be even more dangerous. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:22



Wah! A Palestinian man in Gaza is shot and killed by Israeli troops, lah, local health officials say, lah, first such death since 50-day summer conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:09



Wah! Former Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown is to announce "within days" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that bloody man will stand down as Membling Partiamentary expense cheater at next election, lah, reports suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:05



Wah! A petrol bomb is thrown over perimeter wall of old bill bobbys station in Warrenpoint, lah, County Down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:57



Wah! old bill bobbys stopped four or five terrorist attacks in 2014, lah, says Met old bill bobbys Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:42



Wah! Shop worker Hayley Bicker wantinged to raise awareness on autism after feeling shocked at people's reaction to autistic child in supermarket - news replorted 10:40



Wah! When President Hollande was photographed on back of scooter at male gender human bleing's mistress' apartment it was story that made headlines all over world and it lead to break-up of male gender human bleing's relationship with First Lady, lah, Valerie Trierweiler. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:22



Wah! Eilidh Child is ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's Athlete of Year, lah, following European gold and Commonwealth silver successes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:21



Wah! A windsurfer dies after getting into difficulty off coast of Portsmouth. - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Other political parties equally frightened of threat posed by UKIP, lah, party's Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs MEP Nathan Gill tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:57



Wah! A family's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine is split in two when it crashes on Coventry road. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:52



Wah! A DUP MLA says bloody man is planning to bring forward private member's bill at Stormont to introduce "conscience clause" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) into aspects of equality law. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:14



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's visually-impaired team who preparing to take part in fourth blind damn crazy Engrish baseball game World Cup later this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:55



Wah! Marion Barry, lah, four-term Democratic mayor of Washington DC mayor who won re-election after drug arrest, lah, dies at 78. - news replorted 08:49



Wah! Snowfall in north-east of Great Satan has subsided, lah, forecasters say, lah, but there now warnings of flooding as snow melts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:40



Wah! The "reality is dawning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on local councils that mergers will bring significant and permanent change, lah, public services dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:37



Wah! The Royal College of Nursing is warning that mental health services across bloody annoying Blitish under unprecedented strain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:29



Wah! Filipino Manny Pacquiao retains male gender human bleing's WBO welterweight title with resounding points defeat of American Chris Algieri. - news replorted 07:56



Wah! A law forcing communications firms to keep details that could help identify criminals using internet is being planned by home secretary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:02



Wah! On journey charting impact of disease - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Are food foragers 'annoying' or unfairly maligned? - news replorted 05:52



Wah! The Philippines marks fifth anniversary of its worst political massacre, lah, as Amnesty warns trials risk becoming "a mockery of justice". - news replorted 05:19



Wah! Doubts grow that Monday's deadline for deal on Iran's nuclear programme will be met at talks in Vienna, lah, as negotiators admit "big gaps" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) remain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:00



Wah! Eider ducks on Northumberland's coastal areas being harmed by human bliengs feeding them fish and chips and bread, lah, wildlife expert warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:40



Wah! The writer who foresaw rise of totalitarian state - news replorted 03:44



Wah! Tunisia is set to hold its first presidential election since 2011 "Arab Spring" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) revolution that triggered uprisings across region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:45



Wah! What is real meaning of Mongol? - news replorted 02:37



Wah! The QEII Conference Centre and Civil service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service Club among four London (capital of Great England) landmarks that Labour says could be sold off to reduce deficit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:17



Wah! The consular service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service provided by bloody annoying Blitish Bloody foreign Office sometimes falls short of what public "can legitimately expect", lah, report by Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:05



Wah! Home Secretary Theresa May says bloody woman was left "battered and bruised" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after denying Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters vote on European Arrest Warrant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:46



Wah! Real Sociedad picked up point as boss David Moyes made male gender human bleing's La Liga debut, lah, but what was verdict in Spain? - news replorted 00:52



Wah! Tony Bellew beats Nathan Cleverly on points to gain revenge in front of male gender human bleing's home crowd in Liverpool. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:49



Wah! Trends of past week, lah, relived in 60 seconds - news replorted 00:18



Wah! The dangerous beauty of Himalayas - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Staff cuts and bed shortages leaving mental health services "under unprecedented strain", lah, says nurses' union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! It should be easier to remove degree-awarding powers of universities that fail to meet academic and consumer standards, lah, report by Which? says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! The retreat that has hosted Indian pilgrims since Crusades - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Parents who refuse to vaccinate their children against polio - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Concerns over pressures on hospital casualty departments and ambulance services trouble some papers, lah, while others having their eye on proposals for tax cuts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation will provide comprehensive coverage of next year's Fifa Women's World Cup in Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! The Royal College of Nursing highlights drop in number of specialist mental health nurses in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and calls for more investment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01



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