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Customer car leasing letters    shout about 1350 customer letters!    Customer car leasing letters
More customer letters than any other car sales site IN THE WHOLE WORLD! - Ling

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Customer Letter: 1525 / 1527
David says...
FORD FIESTAI was a first time leaser, I was told about Ling's, not too sure when I looked at other sites. All I can say is I kept going back to Ling's, glad I did. A wacky but worthwhile experience, got the car I wanted (Fiesta) at the best price… Dealer Service – Good – No complaints.

David Mcculloch
48 Calderglen Avenue
G72 9UN

Editor Note: No complaints, no regrets :) And you will not regret the Fiesta which is just about the best small car you can get. I especially appreciate you say I had the best price, as you are Scottish :) hahaha! - Ling

Customer Letter: 1520 / 1527
Helen says...
MAZDA 6Ling's service has been excellent. She kept me informed every step of the way and car arrived on specified date. I would highly recommend her service. I also got insurance from the broker she recommended and it was great too! Dealer Service – Excellent.

Helen Mcdowell
The Orchard
Main Road
G82 5JX

Editor Note: What can I say, Helen? ... Everything was "excellent", including your choice of car, the Mazda 6. It was a bargain for a sporty 5 seat family car. Hope you enjoy it zooping around the lake district. Thanks for being so lovely to deal with. - Ling

Customer Letter: 1471 / 1527
Andrew says...
 Amazingly fast transaction, faultless professionalism. See you in two years for another. Dealer Service – EXCELLENT. True gent delivering car in pristine condition.

Andrew Neilson
4 Fintry Gardens
G61 4RJ

Editor Note: Andrew, fantastic! How great that I am getting such nice letters from Mercedes customers, as Merc UK are trying to kill my supply of new cars. I really think that I can beat Merc at their own "quality" game. Fantastic letter, thanks. Enjoy the CLK. - Ling

Customer Letter: 1406 / 1527
Adnan says...
 Truly exceptional service. Beats all the other competitors in the market. Trust me when I say it is a ''personalised' service that Ling has set up! Response are near instant and a history of all communications is kept in one 'Lingo' page so you can always go back if you lose your way. Super dooper. Excellent delivery of my new M3 by the BMW dealer!

Adnan Ali
14 Meadowhill
Newton Mearns
G77 6SX

Editor Note: BMW UK, are you listening? BMW UK are being consistent bastards to me by trying to get me to stop supplying their new cars. They send a solicitor letter every week. However, I will not be brow-beaten. If BMW UK read this letter, they can see how my service is actually better than theirs, as they manage nowhere near the communication excellence and customer satisfaction I achieve. This was a BMW M3, a £50k car! That Adnan thought I beat every other competitor for service makes me very happy. All customers get the same treatment - the very best in the industry. BMW UK, feel free to apologise for bullying me with your multi-£million lawyer budgets and threats. Thanks for comments, Adnan. - Ling

Customer Letter: 1234 / 1527
Scott says...
 This is our third car ordered from Ling and as usual the customer service has been quick and excellent. I would highly recommend LINGsCARS and will keep using Ling for our fleet requirements. Good delivery on the SAAB, no problems to report.

Scott Allison
Abica Ltd
9 Dava Street
G51 2JA

Editor Note: Scott, job done! Good customer on your 3rd car from me, next car I send you free mats! Each mat pack contains 4 mats, which means you will have one for each car - easy. How lovely it is to deal with you, Scott, and it's so easy to remember the name of someone who is called after the country he lives in :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 1076 / 1527
Ross says...
 This is my 3rd contract hire, first from Ling, and won't be the last. Very, very good. Delivered on time. She kept me updated at every stage. So happy I offered to marry her! Will try again in 2 years. Lol. Excellent delivery, very good, pleased to do business.

Ross Neilson
Ross Neilson Butchers
52 Broomton Road
G21 3RU

Editor Note: Hahahaha, why would I marry a butcher (and I am already married!)? You will smell of sausages :) Having said that, good butchers are quite rich and I would have good supply of belly pork. Hmmm..... So happy you love the Astra Sport Hatch. Mind the blood on the carpets! Lovely to deal with you, you are nutter. - Ling

Customer Letter: 1066 / 1527
Ashita says...


Just a short note (adding to the 1,000s already posted online) to say a big, big thank you for delivering our new car to us. The lack of hassle, the speediness of response and the general all round happiness that surrounds you and your team actually makes changing a car fun instead of the horror story it usually is. A lot of “professional” dealerships could learn from you!

At least four different brokers told me that an SLK at the price you delivered was an impossible but clearly you were willing to go the extra mile. Will be back in 24 months to get another plus will be extolling the virtues of leasing from you to anyone who is willing to listen.

Ps. Thank you for the free lunch the Fuku noodles still crack me up every time I look at the packet

Ashita Waterston (Dr)
Address withheld
G63 ***

Editor Note: Ashita! Wow, fantastic letter, thanks. You have a damn cheap and damn nice Merc SLK. I will let everyone know with a cancerous tumor that you are the bees-knees to talk to. Make sure you keep your convertible roof in place in certain areas of Glasgow! Have a great time in the car! - Ling

Customer Letter: 1023 / 1527
Jens-Ulrich says...
CarLing ist providing us a fantastic personalised service, her prices are very competitive. She and her staff were doing their atmost to provide the right car on short notice, just in time to go on our holidays. The website is cutting edge and the personal touch of dealing with her customers ensures that you don't want to use any other company again. My Zafira was supplied in time without any problems.

Jens-Ulrich Fischer
22 Dalriada Drive
G64 4ES

Editor Note: Achtung! Ulrich, you are a German, us bloody foreigners have to stick together :) Your Zafira was going to be a diesel but due to massive Diesel Particulate Filter problems on these diesel Zafira cars we changed it to a petrol at short notice. You noticed this on German and Austrian Opel Zafira message boards and forums, too. I would not recommend diesel Zafiras. I am so glad you were happy with the petrol one. Hope I met your efficiency standards, I know Germans are keen on doing it right, unlike the bloody French. I have to say you were a wonderful customer; I learned my English watching Dad's Army (really!) and you have burst my imagined German stereotype bubble. Captain Mainwaring is wrong. You are certainly NOT a stupid boy! :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 976 / 1527
Scott says...
CarI was very impressed with your quick and helpful responses to my queries before during and after choosing my VW Golf. I would highly recommend Ling to anyone. Good delivery.

Scott Allison
Access Business Communications Ltd
9 Dava Street
G51 2JA

Editor Note: Scott, thanks for letter. This Golf is a great high quality car. Hope you have a great time in Scotland driving around and running your telecoms business. Talk soon :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 940 / 1527
Dominic says...
CarThanks Ling, Great service - the C4 was not my first choice but as it turns out, an even better alternative! I love the sweets (lie), I may even order another car to get more (true). Good delivery, pleasant and efficient.

Dominic Townsend
78 Kingsway
G14 9YS

Editor Note: Dominic, hehehehe, you SHOULD be pleased with the C4, these are great cars, I never get any complaints. The sweets are chosen specially to make you vomit, this is good for you! It is an oral version of that colonic irrigation. Another free service, from Ling! Thanks for the lovely letter. - Ling

Customer Letter: 843 / 1527
Jody says...
CarOnce again a fantastic service. The Lexus IS is a lovely car, I will use you again and again. Thanks Ling (and team!). Excellent delivery by Lexus *****, 1st class.

Jody Jackson
Auto Expo Ltd
97 Alder Road
G67 3AE

Editor Note: Jody, yep, your company has had loads of cars from me. U do my best yo find you the best deals. Great to know that you like my service. Thanks for the letter! - Ling

Customer Letter: 795 / 1527
Clare says...
CarExcellent service - the best! When I first found your website I thought it was a bit crazy, but the professionalism in dealing with my enquiries convinced me to proceed with the lease of my Renault Megane CC from you. Brilliant - would recommend you to anyone! Excellent delivery.

Clare Morrison
24 Heatherbrae
Bishop Briggs
G64 2TA

Editor Note: Wow, crazy, huh? Many of the other motor dealers think so too. Except I think it is about people, not cars, that's why they say I'm crazzzzzy. Super letter, thanks for sticking with me :) Wait for summer, and get the top down - even in Scotland! - Ling

Customer Letter: 689 / 1527
Jody says...
CarAs always, Ling will bend over backwards to meet our needs. The new Lexus IS220d is stunning and we hope to do business together for a long time. All emails to Ling are promptly replied to. I love the informal approach - definately a breath of fresh air, thanks Ling! Excellent delivery, very fast, efficient service.

Jody Jackson
Auto Expo Ltd
97 Alder Road
G67 3AE

Editor Note: Jody, thanks for the letter. I have supplied many cars to Auto Expo now, and you have more on order from me. Glad you like the service, I do my very best. Go drive the Lexus! - Ling

Customer Letter: 677 / 1527
Stefano says...
CarI noticed this website and thought I would give it a try. From start to finish, the leasing of my new SAAB 9-3 Convertible was painless, quick and I wish I had leased my previous cars from Ling. I would recommend Ling to anyone to have a "Happy Valentine's Car". Excellent delivery.

Stefano Bertagna
42 Forth Road
G64 4BA

Editor Note: Stefano, as you are in sales (medical sales specialist) I take pleasure in your comments. I always try my best to provide the best sales experience. Hope the bad weather in 2007 hasn't meant you have had the roof up all the time :) - Ling

Customer Letter: 639 / 1527
Andy says...
CarLing provided a top quality service. From the day I indicated initial interest, to the day my new BMW 320i Coupe was delivered, Ling kept me informed personally all the way. Simply the best service I have received anywhere.

Keep up the good work, and when you are the MD of a mega-large company, remember to install your excellent work ethic to those who work for you - thanks again. The car was delivered on time on the date stated, by a delivery person who showed me the car in a professional manner. Excellent!

Andy Murie
21 Campbell Crescent
G71 8HD

Editor Note: Andy, you are a commercial manager of a massive construction company AMEC, so I am very pleased that you measure my service in this way. I always do my best, especially for other ethnic minorities, like Scots :). Please go drive your BMW and once or twice try to avoid cutting people up and let them out of junctions, to try to break the image of the typical BMW driver, hehe. - Ling

Customer Letter: 604 / 1527
Richard says...
CarThis was my first attempt at leasing and I didn't know what to expect. The process was made so simple and two weeks ahead of schedule - I got my new BMW 3-Series Coupe! Delivery was very simple, the BMW arrived bang on the time specified.

Even though I didn't know what steps were next, Ling didn't get annoyed with me emailing or calling. Thanks for everything, I will definitely be back in two year's time to source my new car. Thanks again!

Richard Stewart
1 Maxwell Lane
G41 5DW

Editor Note: Hahahaha, you think I should have been ANNOYED with you for renting a car from me? Hmm, even a BMW customer deserves some understanding I think :)... maybe I will start a "punishment" site where customers can go to get shouted at? I am so pleased the BMW came early, I must say this was a new model and equally, some customers have had production delays. I cannot shout at the BMW factory! Still, you were very happy, Richard, that's great! - Ling

Customer Letter: 572 / 1527
Kevin says...
CarHi Ling,

The car arrived around 11am this morning and I love it.....A nice old retired man from L***** drove it all the way up to Scotland and he is now getting the train back to L*****!!!! I did drive him to the nearest train station and he explained that the initial mileage (340 miles) would be added to my agreement.

It has arrived at a great time as we are all about to head off to the East Coast of Scotland on holiday and we can drive there in style now....I would like to thank you for all of your help and I will be recommending your company to everyone that asks me about how I got hold of such a great car at such a great price......Once again, thanks for all of your help.

Kevin Lines
64 Osprey Drive
G71 6HZ

Editor Note: Kevin, you are an Operations Manager for Morrison's supermarket (Grocery and Frozen, peas; buy 2 get 1 free!) and so I am glad you tell me my customer service is good! The Qashqai (but 1 get none free, hehehe) sounds like a funny fruit, eh? The Mackams are working flat out to build these cars - I think this car is the best thing Nissan has done. Thanks for being lovely customer, enjoy holiday - Ling

Customer Letter: 455 / 1527
Liz says...
MAZDA MX-5"Hi Ling,

Thank you very much for organising my lovely wee car. The service you provided was impeccable, from beginning to end! Excellent delivery, exactly on time. Excellent communication and good honest personalised service - somewhat a rarity in the car world. See you again in two years."

Liz McAuley
Flat 2/3
120 Duke Street
G4 0XW

Editor Note: From Welsh ethnic customer (below) to Scottish ethnic customer! Thanks for lovely letter, Liz. Hope you enjoy MX5 with top down in bloody cold Scottish weather. You were a very sweet customer - Ling

Customer Letter: 406 / 1527
Brian says...
NISSAN NOTE"Instant response and instant decisions. Classic "what you see is what you get" with Ling, nothing is hidden, no cheats or cons - just honest excellent service. Good delivery of my Nissan Note."

Brian Gallagher
Pacific Building Ltd
1 Heathside Road
G46 6HL

Editor Note: I swear in this reply, do not read if offended. Brian, you have had 3 cars from me so far and you are repeating customer and tough Scottish ethnic builder, so I shall tell the readers the full story of your car. Hope you don't mind. This shows; a) How CRAP some dealers are, b) How GOOD some individual salesmen are, c) How telling the truth to customers HELPS. Sit comfotably children, we will begin.

Brian ordered a brand-new Nissan Note for his business. Car arrives at dealer, slow to get PDI'd. ??? - When I enquire I am told "had water leak, car FILLED with months of stagnant rainwater from bad windscreen seal, but now mended with new carpets and will deliver". Hmmm. I front up with customer, ask him to inspect screen carefully on delivery and use hosepipe test for leaks. Car gets delivered. Inside "mouldy, dank, unbearable to sit in, sodden, car misting up, makes anyone who sits in it feel sick". WHAT THE FUCK? Dealer admits: "Fleet manager did not want to deliver car, was over-ruled by Nissan Dealer Principal and Service Manager". WELL FUCK THEM! Action? Immediate replacement car for customer, case of wine, mammoth apology from Nissan dealer. That's the story.

You will (hopefully) note the result - Brian the customer writes "Good delivery of my Nissan Note". Not "excellent", but still, he says "good". But he calls my service "excellent". And he does not mention his problem in his letter, how nice is that? Very...

So: FUCK YOU, NISSAN DEALER for being willing to deliver this Nissan shed as a "NEW" car! Twats. Thank you Nissan fleet salesman for instant replacement new car immediately delivered.

(And if I hear one word of objection from Nissan or the Dealer about this being published, I name names then ask Brian the Builder to visit you, don't you dare to threaten me) - Ling

Customer Letter: 381 / 1527
Michelle says...
BMW Z4 ROADSTER"Ling, thank you very much. Initially, I was a bit wary about parting with my money over a website, for a car!! However, this is one of the best examples of customer service I have seen for a long time. Hassle free and your sense of humour made me laugh. Very contactable too. Your dealer was excellent, a very friendly guy delivered my BMW Z4 on time."

Michelle Glencorse
G/2, 31 Mount Stuart Street
G41 3AN

Editor Note: You know, last year I had my nephew staying with us (doing A-Levels) so I couldn't have a 2-seater car... I had to have saloon car so I got 3-series. But I really wanted BMW Z4, with red leather. When my own contract comes up in 4-months, I will be getting BMW Z4, myself. I am quite jealous of you and your car, Michelle! - Ling

Customer Letter: 332 / 1527
Claire says...
car"What can I say? Ling is unique, she's on the ball 24/7 (!!! Just seems like it somedays - Ling). My new Land Rover Freelander arrived so quickly from the excellent dealer; the service from Ling was fantastic. I will always lease my cars from her, she's great."

Claire Vanviere
IPM (Property Management)
18 St Georges Road
G46 6HL

Editor Note: Claire, so you caught me working at midnight, so what? I guess many firms do that.... what? They don't??? Oh! And when you say I am "Grrrrreat"; remember, I am not damn breakfast cereal, I am meatier than that! ...I notice you are near end of UK. Hope there is Land Rover dealer there, for when it breaks down, hehehe - Ling

Customer Letter: 331 / 1527
Brian says...
CITROEN BERLINGO"LINGsCARS is straightforward. "WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET". I got a Citroen Berlingo van. There were no hidden costs, unlike Ling's competitors. Ling is great to deal with, I've had no problems at all with her."

Brian Gallacher
Pacific Building Ltd
1 Heathside Road
G46 6HL

Editor Note: Ah, as you are builder, maybe I should have asked for half up front then told you I'll be round with your van next month? Only joking, unless I want Glasgow kisser, eh, Brian? I am sure you will enjoy Berlingo, I made sure it had plywood to avoid damage inside - Ling

Customer Letter: 296 / 1527
John says...
FORD FOCUS"The Ford Focus 1.4 shudders at 110mph. However it is better when you accelerate through it! Only joking. The car was presented nicely and performs well - giving good mpg."

John Taggart
G5 Graphics
6 St Lukes Business Estate
G5 0TS

Editor Note: You'll MURD'R the car at 110mph, John, MURD'R it! Hehehe, fancy having Taggart name in Glasgow! Glad Focus goes so well. Hope cold Scottish winter ends soon. - Ling

Customer Letter: 290 / 1527
Stephen says...
NISSAN X-TRAIL"Ling, just a short e-mail just to thank you for your superb help in organising our car. The Nissan X-Trail arrived this afternoon as arranged. Again, many thanks,"

Stephen Reid
14 Rouken Glen Road
G46 7JL

Editor Note: Stephen, just a short reply to tell you GOOD! I am pleased that you are happy. I am glad to deal with Scottish ethnic minority peoples - Ling

Customer Letter: 196 / 1527
Lucy says...
CarI'm very pleased with your service. You are always friendly and helpful. I love my new VW Passat and your price for the car was the best. Delivery was on time, and the driver was very good. I will tell all my friends about you.

Lucy Jackson
40 Westfields
G64 3PL

Editor Note: New Passat is very nice car, Lucy. Thanks for letter, I will pass on nice remarks to VW dealer - Ling

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Wah! Three-time Tour de France winner Chris Froome says TUE system is "open to abuse" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and athletes must not "push boundaries of rules". - news replorted 14:16

Wah! Chris Evans pays tribute to Sir Terry Wogan at celebratory memorial service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:15

Wah! Lot 129 - 1926 Bentley 3 litre Short Chassis Sports Tourer International auctioneers Coys, lah, in association with Coutau-Bégarie, lah, having lined up superb selection of classic and spor - news replorted 14:01

Wah! Paris city councillors agree to open experimental nudist area in French capital, lah, as early as next summer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:51

Wah! The owners of Alton Towers theme park having been fined record RMB Yuan #5m for what was described as "needless and avoidable crash". - news replorted 13:37

Wah! German CDU politician Jenna Behrends sparks furore about sexism after male colleague called flemale human person's "sweet mouse". - news replorted 13:16

Wah! A man in male gender human bleing's 70s has been arrested on suspicion of murdering schoolgirl Elsie Frost in Wakefield more than 50 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:07

Wah! Senior Press Officer - bloody annoying Blitish  - Adam Gron Automotive journalists based in bloody annoying Blitish having fresh contact at McLaren Automotive in Adam Gron following male gender human bleing's promotion t - news replorted 13:00

Wah! The Republican candidate appeared to using unusual adverb in male gender human bleing's debate against Hillary Clinton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! Or did he? - news replorted 12:56

Wah! AlloyGator strikes gold with alloy wheel protection To commemorate exciting summer of sporting success AlloyGator has announced that it has introduced two new celebrator - news replorted 12:41

Wah! The decision not to prosecute Sir Cliff Richard over claim (always claiming, huh?) of historical sex offences is upheld by Crown Prosecution Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:13

Wah! People watching in Seattle react to Clinton-Trump presidential debate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:07

Wah! An Islamist who destroyed ancient shrines in Timbuktu is jailed by Hague court for nine years in first case of its kind. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:37

Wah! Online retailer Boohoo has seen its profit boosted by strong sales, lah, particularly in its plus-size and petite ranges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:29

Wah! Loans should replace tuition fee grants while there should be more help with living costs for all Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs students, lah, major review of university finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:26

Wah! 1988 BMWah-wah! E30 M3 More than 500 registered bidders joined Classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Auctions (CCA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at Warwickshire Exhibition Centre on Saturday 24t - news replorted 11:14

Wah! The Great Satan media gives their verdict on who won first debate, lah, with most awarding victory to Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:02

Wah! The American series has cast its first transgender child actor for forthcoming episode called Stereotypical Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:00

Wah! What is third-party ownership and why is it banned in football? - news replorted 10:58

Wah! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge visited rainforest as part of their eight-day tour of Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:29

Wah! Here key moments from presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 10:15

Wah! European new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registrations continuing to grow and we moving forward, lah, after challenging years of econ - news replorted 10:09

Wah! Used LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of month: BMWah-wah! 335d M Sport Touring E91 my velly own damn LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Check’s valuation experts reavealingly showing Great Satan significant trends in bloody annoying Blitish used vehicling driving car machine market and choose LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine and bike of th - news replorted 10:04

Wah! Citroën celebrates FIA WTCC* crown with treble! day after securing its third consecutive FIA World Touring LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Championship title, lah, Citroën shone in races at - news replorted 10:00

Wah! Nissan develops autonomous chair Nissling today unveiled latest in series of innovations designed to bring benefits of its Intelligent Mobility - news replorted 09:59

Wah! Jessica Lussenhop in Washington DC looks at how gender featured in first debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:19

Wah! Alton Towers's operator Merlin is due to be sentenced later for crash on RMB Yuan #18m Smiler rollercoaster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:16

Wah! We asked African-American voters in Harlem what they made of Great Satan presidential debate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:16

Wah! All-new Jeepy Compass In celebration of start of production at FCA’s Jeepy Assembly Plant in Goiana, lah, Pernambuco, lah, Jeepy brand introduced - news replorted 09:09

Wah! Volkswagen Transporters to join Mountjoy's fleet of vehicling driving car machines leading provider of building and maintenance support services in Southern Province of Engrish running-dogs has significantly increased its flee - news replorted 09:00

Wah! The Freight Transport Association is showcasing work of its dedicated vehicling driving car machine Inspection service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service (VIS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! team – as it - news replorted 08:56

Wah! Stars including Chris Evans, lah, Joanna Lumley and Ken Bruce among those who will pay tribute at celebratory memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service for Sir Terry Wogan on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:52

Wah! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge welcomed to remote rainforest community on day three of their tour of western Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:20

Wah! Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton, lah, claiming bloody woman hid emails "purposefully". - news replorted 07:08

Wah! Fact checking first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 06:40

Wah! Huge interest in first presidential debate was reflected in phenomenal amount of discussion online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:28

Wah! Dan Walker is joined by Dion Dublin and Mark Lawrenson to look ahead to Tuesday's Champions League games for Tottenham and Leicester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:13

Wah! Donald Trump has said bloody man does not believe that Hillary Clinton has stamina to be Great Satan president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:49

Wah! A Japanese animated film has earned more than 10 billion yen in just 28 days since its release. What the hell I mean??!! But what exactly is it about this film that has been drawing in crowds? - news replorted 05:12

Wah! The stop-and-frisk policy features as big area of arglingument in first Great Satan presidential debate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:14

Wah! Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton agreed that issue of cyber warfare had to be addressed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:09

Wah! Prosecutors say 20-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man has confessed to going on murderous rampage in shopping centre in Burlington, lah, which left five human bliengs dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:25

Wah! Hillary Clinton said bloody woman believes Donald Trump is 'hiding something' regarding male gender human bleing's tax return. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:14

Wah! Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton disagree on North American Free Trade Agreement - Nafta. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:01

Wah! Follow opinion polls as Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton go to head-to-head in run up to Great Satan election on 8 November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:00

Wah! All users of BBC's iPlayer service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service will having to log in with personal accounts in order (piece of paper signee upee) to using service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service from early 2017. - news replorted 01:33

Wah! It's not just Harry Potter's house which had come on market - here some ordinary homes with extraordinary screen presence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:08

Wah! Labour is to announce review of its approach to childcare and early years learning while London (capital of Great England) Mayor Sadiq Khan will tell party it must never be satisfied with opposition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:06

Wah! A total of 4,732 stray dogs cannot return to their owners because their microchips not contain correct contact details, lah, charity Dogs Trust finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:05

Wah! The FA is investigating claim (always claiming, huh?) Province of Engrish running-dogs boss Sam Allardyce used male gender human bleing's role to negotiate RMB Yuan #400,000 deal and offer advice on how to bypass transfer rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:03

Wah! The results of world’s largest survey on rest suggest that to feel truly rested, lah, we need to getting away from other people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:37

Wah! Abubakar Shekau, lah, leader of Islamist group Boko Haram has once more released video to reject reports that bloody man had been killed. I read you little red book! bloody man has been reported dead five times already. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:31

Wah! Asylum seekers - mainly Afghan and Pakistani men - leave Austria for Italy, lah, but they face bleak conditions in city of Udine, lah, Bethany Bell reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:25

Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs First dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon is to tell business leaders that bloody annoying Blitish austerity policies were partly behind Brexit vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:20

Wah! The first shipment of Great Satan shale gas is arriving in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land amid fierce debate about future of fracking in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:15

Wah! Colombia's government and left-wing Farc rebels sign agreement that formally brings end to 52 years of civil war. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:11

Wah! Ahmad al-Faqi al-Mahdi has pleaded guilty to destroying sacred sites in Timbuktu, lah, Mali, lah, in first case concerning cultural artefacts at International Criminal Court (ICC). - news replorted 00:05

Wah! Nine in 10 human bliengs having no idea what companies with personal inflomination firms hold about them, lah, says Chartered Institute of Marketing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:05

Wah! People over age of 50 spending more and more on holidays - including cruises - while younger human bliengs travelling less, lah, study for Saga says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:05

Wah! A legal case concerning sale of video-streaming set-top boxes on which subscription content can be accessed for free begins on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:04

Wah! The lucrative counterfeit drugs trade causes hundreds of thousands of deaths every year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Technology can help fight it, lah, but big pharma and governments doing enough? - news replorted 00:04

Wah! Conservative Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Jake Berry has called for Royal Yacht Britannia to be brought back into service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to help bloody annoying Blitish strike trade deals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

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