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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Citroen Dispatch Combi 2.0 HDi 16v (123bhp) L2 SX Estate (9-seat) 5dr 1997cc Diesel at £349.72 inc VAT at 10:44 today - Ling
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CUSTOMER LETTERS

Customer car leasing letters    shout about 1350 customer letters!    Customer car leasing letters
1528 LETTERS!
More customer letters than any other car sales site IN THE WHOLE WORLD! - Ling


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From your area... ...or from people... ...or about a specific car!

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Letter
Customer Letter: 1338 / 1528
Gayle says...
CITROEN C4 GRAND PICASSOA great service provided by Ling and her team from start to finish. To begin with, the website looks a little daunting but you soon get the hang of it. All the way through the process you are kept up to date with what's happening. No lapse in communication whatsoever. I'll definitely be using LingsCars again! Excellent delivery by the Citroen dealer - could not be faulted!

Gayle Connon
11 Catriona Terrace
Penicuik
EH26 0LX


Editor Note: Gayle, so pleased you are happy! The C4GP is a great 7-seater! It's hard to add anything to your letter. Thanks so much for being a lovely customer. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1257 / 1528
Frank says...
carA bit zany, at times unusual, free gifts galore, but always excellent communication and 100% professional service. Will most definitely use you again and recommend to all my friends and work colleagues.

Frank Reynolds
Qse Systems
42/3 Hardengreen Business Park
Dalhousie Road
Dalkeith
EH22 3NU


Editor Note: Frank... you are a management consultant (now with a new MK6 Golf) so I appreciate your kind words. You are also Scottish and I always enjoy dealing with ethnic minorities :) Go drive your car, and thanks for the biz. Zany is good, I guess, hahaha! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1175 / 1528
William says...
LEXUS IS Doing business with Ling was a refreshing change to the normal. The Lexus IS was delivered to my satisfaction and is an absolute stormer. Hope to do business with Ling in the future. Delivery was excellent.

William Brodie
1 Talisman Place
Peebles
EH45 9BQ


Editor Note: Bill Brodie (a good Scottish name!), thanks for the letter. I am relieved I am not normal. Hope the lovely smooth Lexus is impressing you. Good cars (despite being Japanese). - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1173 / 1528
David says...
 It was such a pleasant change being able to complete the transaction for my new Subaru Legacy without having to deal with unnecessary paperwork or delays. The overall service was first class - and a bundle of laughs, as well. I'm not Duncan!

David Clark
Hughes Walker Solicitors
13 Atholl Place
Edinburgh
EH3 8HP


Editor Note: Hahahaha, I called you Duncan by accident. Bloody Scottish names! :) As a solicitor, I look forward to the writ when the Subaru breaks down. Now... here is an unusual car, I do not sell many of these, they are a low volume model. I'm not sure I have ever seen one! Hope you like it, it is certainly rare. They get very good reviews. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1168 / 1528
Sonia says...
FORD KAI am disappointed that I have not received my handbook for my car, a new Ford Ka. I love my new Ka, its so economic and nippy to run about in it. I can even have sex in my dream machine. Delivery was fine.

Sonia Geddes
28 Provost Melrose Place
Peebles
EH45 9BP


Editor Note: Sonia, yep, the stupid dealer has forgotten to send your handbook with your car. Aren't dealers hopeless? But the main thing is, you have your new Ka. Hmmm, I just know there will be loads of clicks on this letter because you use the magic SEO word. How you manage that in a Ford Ka is beyond me! You must be very flexible and have a small partner, hahaha. It is a real Sex-In-The-City car :) - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1163 / 1528
Claire says...
MAZDA 2Ling was extremely friendly and helpful during our time of leasing our Mazda. The website is very unique and easy to work. Ling was very prompt and informative and the information she gave us was very precise. I will certainly be using LINGsCARS again and would highly recommend her to friends and family. Delivery service was excellent. Very helpful and friendly.

Claire Affleck
1 Pentland View Terrace
Roslin
Midlothian
EH25 9LX


Editor Note: Claire, well, you work at a major bank, so I keep my fingers crossed for your job prospects! Hope you are enjoying the Mazda 2. You were very friendly to deal with, thanks for making my job simple and being so good with the paperwork. Speak soon! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1133 / 1528
Walter says...
 Initially I was a little wary about the lease contract concept, but was convinced after studying Ling's site. Having completed all the proceedings I am now driving a very nice car I otherwise would not have been able to afford. Ling makes the daunting process easy (and enjoyable if you have a sense of humour). I am a convert! Thanks. Good, delivery as promised, no further dealer contact though.

Walter Aitchison
1a Murray Place
Peebles
EH45 8DJ


Editor Note: Hahahaha, you insist I call you "Iceman", Walter! So, I call myself "Maverick" when I talk to you :) You were fun, and you are correct - people with sense of humour missing need not apply! Why do you want further contact from the dealer, they will only mess it up? You should be damn happy with your Super Duper Vauxhall Sport Hatch which was soooooo cheap! You got a 1.9 CDTi (150bhp) SRi for the price of a 1.4 LS. Maverick out! What a bloody Top Gun! Hahahaha! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1096 / 1528
Julie says...
 After dealing with other leasing companies in the past, I found LINGsCARS to be a refreshing change. Ling's website is fantastic! Not boring like the others. The service she provides was second to none and I will certainly be using her company in the future. I will have no hesitation recommending her to my friends. Good delivery, but couldn't deliver on the first day advised.

p.s. Loved the sweets!

Julie Connelly
42 Leyland Road
Bathgate
West Lothian
EH48 2TL


Editor Note: Jules, you were a great customer, and you are a Tesco Personal Shopper, so I will say thanks for your order and every little helps! You were a breath of fresh air to deal with on my LINGO, always so happy! Enjoy the Vauxhall Astra Sport Hatch! Those Chinese sweets were withdrawn soon after I sent them to you, they contained the Melamine. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1058 / 1528
Toby says...
CHEVROLET CAPTIVAOverall a very slick hassle-free process. Lingo is a great system and all my queries were answered in ultra-fast time. Car arrived on time, well valeted and as described. Got the colour (black) I wanted despite my local Chevrolet dealer telling me “no black Captivas available in UK for 6 months”!!! Fine, clean car delivered with nothing missing. No dust caps on the number plate screws mean they miss out on an "excellent" rating. I have already recommended Ling.

Toby S***
Address withheld
Edinburgh
EH10 ***


Editor Note: Dust caps!! Hahahahah. Sorry to laugh, Toby, but if that is all then I would accept that for every delivery. As you work in car sales at a big retail garage, I a) appreciate your comments, b) realise you don't want your address shown, c) wonder what they will say when you turn up to work in your new Captiva? Fun, fun, fun. See you in 2-years! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1020 / 1528
Lori says...
CarI quite often forgot I wasn't Ling's only customer! Ling provided me with probably the best service I have ever received from a company in any industry.

The online sign in area and LINGO message board is a fantastic tool for busy people to use. And Ling's response times and updates were great and frequent. I have recommended LINGsCARS to lots of people already and will definitely use again! Thank you!

Quick delivery, my Mazda MX5 arrives at 7.15am, great!

Lori O'Neill
12 East Pilton Farm Crescent
Edinburgh
EH5 2GH


Editor Note: What an alarm call! Lori, you are talking about my LINGO system and people reading this will not know what it is. It is my behind-the-scenes communication area for customers, 100% secure. It is quite good, all built myself :) As you are a Business And Systems Integration Analyst, I value your opinion, thanks! You have a super car with your new MX5, just wait for the sunshine. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 731 / 1528
Dean says...
CarLing, I hope you are enjoying my Australian sweets as much as I'm enjoying my Volvo C30!

As easy as getting a Big Mac - pick the car, fill out the forms and HEY PRESTO... new car! As they say in Scotland, it's been "bra" (and not what you use to hold your best assets). Excellent delivery, good service all the way.

p.s. Hope you didn't choke on those cherries!

Dean Oliver
3 Lady Place
Livingston
EH54 6TB


Editor Note: Dean, REALLLLLY liked the raspberry truffle bar from Australia! Sounds like you are having a great time in the Volvo, hope it causes less wind than a Big Mac!
image
You were a brilliant customer, despite being an ethnic Scottish :) I still can't figure your "bra" comment, sounds a bit rude, but maybe not. - Ling




Letter
Customer Letter: 664 / 1528
Gavin says...
CarGreat service and good communication. Dealing with "the boss" means things get done and in a timeworthy fashion. I must sound like "the boss" that I am with that comment! My Citroen Berlingo was delivered within 1 week, with half tank of fuel. Thanks Ling, do you pay referral fees?

Gavin McKenzie
24 Gardiner Cres
Prestonpans
East Lothian
EH32 9HB


Editor Note: Gavin, no, I don't pay referral fees, as my prices are so close to the bone that I do not have margin. Plus I refuse to increase costs for referred customers, just to generate some commission for referrers. Sounds terrible? I just cannot really do much about this. Berlingos usually arrive fast as hell, Citroen are good at this. Thanks, Boss! :) - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 514 / 1528
Martin says...
 "Ling, the Mazda RX-8's here - just going for a drive. Catch ya later!!!!"

... (later)...

Ling, the car's excellent, had a good drive and it's just what I expected and wanted. I can't thank you enough, I thought that getting a car would be a nightmare. On the contrary, It really has been a pleasure doing business with you from start to finish (All done from Iraq by Fed-Ex! Martin arrived back in the UK on the day he collected his car and wrote this! - Ling). I can't wait till I need a replacement because I know exactly where to come and I'll be recommending you to anyone that will listen! I'll get a pic for you soon (without my big machinegun) but it's pissing down with rain at the moment. Thanks again.

p.s. Tell Suzie at your dealers, that if she wants to see my big gun, she only has to ask! ;0)"

Martin ****** (name withheld for Al-Qaeda reasons)
*************
London
EH11 ***


Editor Note: Martin is one of my favourite customers this year. He is a Private Military Contractor in Iraq, so I have withheld his name and address in case any car-rrazy Muslims want to pop his clogs (no offence to sensible Muslims). Without people like Martin, no way would the US or UK Army be able to operate in Iraq, they are providing the security for people like British Government officials, industry big-wigs, TV and press and even the military itself! PMCs also enable ordinary Iraqis to get on with semi-normal lives and they are enabling rebuilding of the infrastructure of Iraq. Also, they spend a lot of time to assist training Iraqi law and order forces. Do not confuse British PMCs with American PMCs. As ever, British ones operate much more low-profile and sensibly. All are professionals and most are ex-special forces or elite military, or other specialists... these are salt of earth!

Here are some lovely pics of Martin doing his job out in Iraq, and he says "I've never lost a car out here...had a few bumps, scratches and holes put in them but never had one stolen!"

Well, glad Martin isn't planning to take his RX-8 to Iraq. With the common knowledge that these RX-8 engines blow up from time to time, the Mazda might be confused for a roadside IED! Zoom, zoom, boom!... hehehehe,

Please note that Mazda UK have applied pressure to my suppliers behind my back and blacklisted me from supplying more Mazdas, despite having many, many 100% happy and loyal customers who enjoy the cars, like Martin. Mazda UK's tactics are totally unethical, bullying, restrictive and unfair. Instead of saying what they want to me, directly... they insist suppliers stop dealing with me and they attack me behind my back - so I cannot challenge them! This is cowardly behaviour. Just to let you know what I have to put up with from these big companies trying to strangle me - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 477 / 1528
Kevin says...
 "I was initially slightly apprehensive of doing business with this somewhat bonkers Chinese lady with the unconventional website - however Ling offered the best deals around - no one could even get close to her quote! Ling offers the kind of customer service that I would happily pay more for, she even gave me her mobile number!!! Ps. car is also fantastic."

Kevin Haggart
7 New Lane
Edinburgh
EH6 4JD


Editor Note: Ah, this illustrates my point to other car dealers, Kevin. Car is secondary to service!!! Anyway, the dealer did mess up on delivery and caused a delay due to the transporter breaking down on way to Edinburgh. Not that that was the dealer fault, but their communication was slow. Still, it got there 1 day late, so not too bad. Zoom, zoom! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 468 / 1528
Harry says...
MAZDA MX-5"Personal Contract Hire was a completely new concept for me, and as an elderly gentleman entering his second childhood and getting a long wanted sports car (!) it was reassuring to be dealing with ONE person who seemed genuinely interested and who answered all my queries promptly.

The paperwork was a minimum and email communication great. All in all I am very pleased with the service and the car - it's just a pity I have no hair to blow in the wind!

Delivery of my car was good, I only met the delivery driver but the car was well prepared and came with petrol in the tank!"

Harry Dinning
14 Priory Road
Linlithgow
EH49 6BS


Editor Note: Harry, you were the most polite and charming customer I have dealt with all year! You even tell me you have special name for Sundays "Henry", hehehe. This is your real name, and you tell me off when I use it! Thanks for being so kind to me and for sending such nice emails! Glue your wig on!!! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 429 / 1528
Daniel says...
VAUXHALL ZAFIRA"Thank you very much - the Zafira is working out great. Jon was very helpful when you were away in China. And now I've got four free keyrings (complete with nuclear rocket) - what else could I possibly need?"

Daniel Holmes
Flat 3F1
26 Dundas Street
Edinburgh
EH3 6JN


Editor Note: Exactly, Dan! Yep, another satisfied cheap Zafira customer (cheap Zafira - not cheap customer, even though you are in Edinburgh :). These Vauxhall Zafiras have been incredibly popular - brand new model and the cheapest 7-seater available. Plus free aircon on the Diesel Life model. Brilliant, eh? Plus, please note!!! I did LOADS of work from China, each day clearing over half the emails. That's the benefit of a proper electronic sales system - good, eh? - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 374 / 1528
Allan says...
MAZDA 6"Ling, just to let you know that the Mazda 6 has arrived and to thank you for your excellent service."

Allan Tye
Arrell Associates
104 South Street
Armadale
Bathgate
EH48 3JU


Editor Note: Allan, glad you like your new Mazda 6. Very pleased to receive praise from a firm like yours which specialises in implementing Quality Management Systems ISO 9001-2000. Also, I'm always happy to deal with people from Autonomous Scottish Region, despite fact I often need to translate telephone messages - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 294 / 1528
Graham says...
 "Ling is fab. The personal touch is much better that dealing with faceless wonders in other companies - very reasonable too!!"

Graham Moir
My Home Stirling
Boness
EH51 9JG


Editor Note: I am F-A-B because I am having Thunderbird Nuclear Missile Truck, hehehe. Note that my "personal touch" is down telephone and on web, not in person! Enjoy SAAB! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 234 / 1528
Karen says...
CarCarWe were going to phone you today to thank you for your help, Ling! The 2 x Shoguns are fab. We are delighted with them and delighted with the deal you managed to get for us. Neal at the dealer was really helpful and delivery was very prompt. We will definitely recommend you, Ling. You are great, your marketing is great, most of all YOUR DEALS ARE THE BEST!! Thanks,

Karen McKinnon
Smith Allen Marketing
Newbattle Awey College
Newbattle Road
Dalkeith
EH22 3LL


Editor Note: Ho, another Scottish! It is great to be complimented on my marketing by a marketing company! Thanks! Glad you like the 2 x Shoguns, Karen. Look forward to snow in Edinburgh so you can try them out, eh? - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 222 / 1528
Dale says...
CarI want a van! I want it cheap! I want it soon! I want it delivered with no hassle! Who do I call? - LING!!!

Delivered? YES!

Value for money? OUTSTANDING!

Would I go anywhere else? YOU WOULD HAVE TO HOLD A GUN TO MY HEAD!

Ling wins everytime. Unbeatable value, top service and a human. None of your smarmy sales rubbish! Ling for PM!

Dale Mykoliw
Managing Director
Stairways
54 Talisman Rise
Livingston
EH54 6PL


Editor Note: Dale, thanks especially for note explaining how to pronounce your name. It is remarkably similar to certain Welsh railway station. If you ever need any help with Chinese, please to ask me... "Ling for PM!" Wah, this is first time anyone suggests THAT! My closest link with PM is that my nuclear rocket truck is in Tony Blair's constituency at Sedgefield, by A1(M). Enjoy Citroen Dispatch, Dale - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 214 / 1528
Dale says...
CarMy new VW Passat was delivered in lightning speed, in perfect condition on the back of a truck, bang on time. The delivery service was courteous and helpful. Zero hassle, zero problems - and cheaper than any rival with excellent communication all the way. Nothing was too much for Ling to handle. I have sung her praises to all!!!

Simply put - LARGE COMPANIES = Problems and cost more; LING = You get what you want, cheaper, when you want it, with ease and no pressure or hassle - what joy! I will never order from anywhere else again. The only problem is the sweets are YUK. I like chocolate.

Dale Mykoliw
54 Talisman Rise
Livingston
EH54 6PL


Editor Note: Another sweet cruncher! I am going to put filter on website: ONLY CUSTOMERS WHO SUCK SWEETS ALLOWED. Subtle flavours of red and green tea and ginger dissolve onto tongue for taste-buds to savour, if sucked. Flavour crashed down throat if chewed. Please to be more gentle with gob. By the way, I am glad you like car, Dale, even though I cannot say your surname - it is damn bloody foreign name - it was a pleasure to have you as customer - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 117 / 1528
Gladys says...
CarHello Ling,

You were so helpful and so nice on the phone, it was a pleasure doing business with you. I appreciated the speed with which you completed the leasing of the Almera. The driver was very polite and the car was delivered on time and in good order. The dealer was excellent. Thank you for everything.

Gladys Rogan
16 Tweedbank Ley
Innerleithen
EH44 6PE


Editor Note: Gladys, I am SO pleased you are happy. You are very nice customer. And dealer does good job, too! Amazing day when Nissan dealer beats Honda dealer (see letter 3 down) - Ling



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Wah! A romantic road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu worker uses eight-tonne digger to pop question by writing male gender human bleing's proplosal to money lending shark with heavy metal grab. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! Mother and flemale human person's lover convicted of killing Ayesha Ali, lah, 8, lah, who suffered 50 injuries in London (capital of Great England) - news replorted 11:06



Wah! The old bill bobbys officer at centre of "plebgate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) row has accepted RMB Yuan #80,000 in damages from Conservative Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Andrew Mitchell. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:03



Wah! Ford has announced six new app partners at Mobile World Congress Floord Motor capitalist entity at Mobile World Congress today announced six new apps for Europe and Asia Pacific that clustomlers will - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Russia's President Vladimir Putin demands end to "shameful" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) political killings in Russia, lah, after murder of opposition politician Boris Nemtsov. - news replorted 11:01



Wah! Australia record highest damn crazy Engrish baseball game World Cup score in history, lah, posting 417-6 against Afghanistan to beat India's 413-5. - news replorted 10:57



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish has won court ruling against European Central capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity which could having forced British firms handling large euro transactions to be based in eurozone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:55



Wah! The trial of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, lah, accused of Boston Marathon bombing two years ago, lah, opens in city shortly after exhaustive jury selection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:51



Wah! Volkswagen Caddy and Caddy Maxi Panel van Shortly after world premiere of Caddy in Polish city of Pozna?, lah, Wlokswaglon Commercial vehicling driving car machines now presents - news replorted 10:45



Wah! Ford Edge Sport Floord Motor capitalist entity at 2015 Geneva Motor Show today extended its line-up of vehicling driving car machines to reavealingly showing Great Satan new sporty, lah, dynamic - news replorted 10:41



Wah! Maserati Alfieri: Concept LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Design News has named Maserati Alfieri and Citroën C4 Cactus as LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Designs of Year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! judging panel com - news replorted 10:38



Wah! Marco Tencone accepts 2014 Concept LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year award Last night, lah, Maserati Alfieri Concept was announced as ‘2014 Concept LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year’ at prestigious LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Design N - news replorted 10:37



Wah! Energy supplier Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Power accepts 12-day sales ban after failing to meet Ofgem's clustomler service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service targets, lah, watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:27



Wah! A group of airline passengers in Nepal had lucky escape after their plane skidded off runway in dense fog. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:25



Wah! Europe's top human rights watchdog criticises France for failing to explicitly ban smacking children, lah, saying its laws "not sufficiently clear". - news replorted 10:19



Wah! The government's financial management of London's Kew Gardens is "a recipe for failure", lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:13



Wah! Readers' photographs on theme of adventure - news replorted 10:07



Wah! Suzuki set for Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Show Suzluko GB is set for MCN Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Show which takes place on Saturday 7 and Sunday 8 March, lah, where Japanese manufa - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Ten more drones spotted flying over Paris and reports say old bill bobbys searching for four men after chase in east of city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:41



Wah! US billionaire Paul Allen announces bloody man has discovered famous WW2 Japanese battleship, lah, Musashi, lah, more than 70 years after it was sunk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:33



Wah! Film maker Leslee Udwin tells news conference that one of Delhi gang rapists, lah, Mukesh Singh, lah, showed ''no regret, lah, for one second'' for male gender human bleing's actions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:30



Wah! Sunderland boss Gus Poyet describes day in which male gender human bleing's player Adam Johnson was arrested as one of male gender human bleing's toughest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! Alfonso Albaisa Infiniti signalled further intentions to grow in premium compact segment with world premiere of QX30 Concept - news replorted 09:15



Wah! A union says they having seen leaked Translink rice-paper officialing doumentlation proposing cancellation of 20 town bus services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:13



Wah! Coventry Transport Museum One of UK’s leading classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine insurlince brokers has announced new partnership with West Midland’s finest tra - news replorted 09:07



Wah! India's home dodgy minister promises inquiry into how TV crew was allowed to interview death-row prisoner convicted over Delhi 2012 gang rape and murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:03



Wah! Prince William visits elephant sanctuary on final day of male gender human bleing's tour of China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:55



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Standard Chartered reports steep fall in full-year profits after "tough year". - news replorted 08:38



Wah! Dozens of workers trapped underground after suspected methane gas blast at coal mine in rebel-held region of eastern Ukraine, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:07



Wah! Aberdeen City Council is expected to confirm that it is quitting local government body Cosla to join new rival group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 08:05



Wah! Commercial broadcaster ITV, lah, home of Downton Abbey, lah, reports big rise in pre-tax profits for 2014. - news replorted 08:01



Wah! According to new research, lah, automotive aftersales experience has direct impact on proportion of clustomlers who r - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Driving on both urban and rural roads can be quite challenging and requires your as really velly special customer's full attention. Sweet sour chicken feet time! Observing what is going - news replorted 07:59



Wah! A man is arrested on suspicion of murder of 15-earth-years old happy birthday to you, who was stabbed to death while riding bicycle with male gender human bleing's friends. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:05



Wah! More Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs voters think David Cameron would be better prime dodgy minister than Ed Miliband, lah, according to new poll for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:03



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's Stuart Broad says bloody man is yet to getting over mental scars of being hit in face by bouncer last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! old bill bobbys in Bristol discover body parts in search for missing 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Becky Watts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:55



Wah! old bill bobbys having until this afternoon to question two human bliengs suspected of murdering Bristol teenager Becky Watts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:54



Wah! China's military budget will rise by about 10% in 2015, lah, official says, lah, in another double-digit increase. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:49



Wah! A major redevelopment of Cardiff central station and plans to electrify north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep main line amongst Network Rail's ambitions for next 30 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:48



Wah! Investigations continuing into death of man after agricultural spraying vehicling driving car machine rolled into golf course lake at Newport's Celtic Manor Resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! As Iraqi Tommy Atkins Liberation Army tries to dislodge Islamic State militants from Tikrit, lah, Michael Knights looks at whether government troops and volunteer brigades able take bigger prize of Mosul. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:38



Wah! A project to connect around 40,000 homes and businesses to gas network will be formally launched in Enniskillen, lah, County Fermanagh, lah, on Wednesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:13



Wah! Tens of millions of pounds could having been saved if Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers GPs had prescribed lower cost drugs, lah, according to new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:12



Wah! Some of UK's biggest firms begin urgent improvement schemes after Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation London (capital of Great England) investigation exposed failures to serve disabled people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! Brazil's chief prosecutor seeks to investigate 54 people, lah, including politicians, lah, for alleged involvement in kickback scheme at state oil firm Petrobras. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:33



Wah! Wild bumblebees infected with many of diseases found in honeybees looked after by bee keepers, lah, according to national survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:22



Wah! David Cameron will "raise concerns" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about human rights when bloody man meets Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto later, lah, Downing Street says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:14



Wah! State secondary schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs not doing enough to stretch most able students, lah, Ofsted says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:05



Wah! Parents who overheard judge saying victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) statements made "no difference" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to parole decisions say they having been "let down" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) again by justice system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 04:14



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama reacts scathingly to speech by Israel's prime minister, lah, saying it offers no viable alternative to male gender human bleing's Iran policy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:04



Wah! The Reserve capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of India cuts its key interest rate, lah, in surprise move for second clock time result this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:45



Wah! The Lib Dem election manifesto will include pledge to hand drugs policy from Home Office to Department of Health, lah, Nick Clegg is to say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:13



Wah! A radio station broke law by broadcasting hoax call with nurse caring for Duchess of Cambridge, lah, Australia's high court rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:11



Wah! "Fairy control" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is brought in at woodland in Somerset to kerb "profusion of elfin construction". - news replorted 02:06



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish Independence Party will not adopt "arbitrary" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) immigration targets, lah, its leader pledges, lah, having said net annual migration should be capped at 50,000. - news replorted 01:59



Wah! The highest paid university chief in bloody annoying Blitish received RMB Yuan #623,000 salary and benefits package, lah, new figures reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:56



Wah! A whistle-blower says bloody man was "harassed, lah, threatened, lah, undermined and belittled" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after complaining about land deals overseen by Corby Borough Council. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! US retail giant Target plans to cut several thousand jobs as it tries to slash $2bn (RMB Yuan #1.3bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in costs over next two years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:45



Wah! After murder of young Turkish woman generates massive protests, lah, four expert witnesses discuss whether life is getting worse for women under President Erdogan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! The killing of Boris Nemtsov adds to growing sense of unease about dark undercurrents in Russian politics, lah, says Bridget Kendall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! Islamist militants having seized two oil fields in central Libya, lah, officials say, lah, as rival factions reportedly carry out air strikes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:25



Wah! Australia's economy grew 2.5% in fourth quarter from year earlier, lah, marking its slowest pace of annual growth last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! A murder in atmosphere of hatred and intolerance - news replorted 01:23



Wah! The lost property shop stuffed with diamonds, lah, bikes... and leg - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Why petrol prices rising again? - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Why fewer elderly human bliengs killing themselves in UK? - news replorted 01:23



Wah! The Energy and Climate Change Committee has warned that government scheme to keep lights on could lead to unnecessarily high energy costs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Plans for new identity database will be debated in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament amid civil liberty concerns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! Aston Villa boss Tim Sherwood says male gender human bleing's side "still alive" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in relegation battle after beating West Brom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! The Colombian authorities arrest captain of China-flagged ship on its way to Cuba with military material on board and no legal papers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! Sony unveils upgraded version of its PlayStation virtual reality helmet, lah, which it says will go on sale in first half of 2016. - news replorted 00:44



Wah! The government's financial management of Kew Gardens is "recipe for failure", lah, Select Committee report warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! While university leaders wanting to keep RMB Yuan #9,000 fees, lah, lecturers' union survey shows that vice-chancellors earning up to RMB Yuan #623,000 per year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! Adults catch real influenzingler achoo achoo about once every five years, lah, while children getting it every other year, lah, scientists calculate, lah, based on field study in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Just one in seven councils in bloody annoying Blitish is paying "fair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) price for home care for elderly, lah, according to survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:42



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has spent 29% less on stars earning more than RMB Yuan #100,000 year over past five years, lah, independent review reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! Wednesday's front pages carry stories on ramifications of Oxford abuse case, lah, money laundering via London (capital of Great England) properties, lah, and budgetary prediction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:37



Wah! Will Gompertz takes look at Inventing Impressionism exhibition at National Gallery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:34



Wah! Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino hopes Harry Kane is rested from Province of Engrish running-dogs U21 duty this summer to avoid burnout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:31



Wah! Scientists work out body mass of superb Stegosaurus specimen recently put on display at London's Natural History Museum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Who would buy LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine like this? Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation interviews man behind million dollar Dartz Prombon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! How London's male commuters set Super-Duper-Chinese-State hearts racing - news replorted 00:09



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government says it is selling its 40% stake in cross-Channel train operator Eurostar to Anglo-Canadian consortium for RMB Yuan #757.1m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Incomes for those of working age still below pre-crisis levels, lah, according to research by Institute of Fiscal Studies (IFS). - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Workers will display "measured response" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to pension reforms while worrying they having not set aside enough for retirement, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Long before Mr Spock, lah, there was Dr Spock - news replorted 00:00



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