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CUSTOMER LETTERS

Customer car leasing letters    shout about 1350 customer letters!    Customer car leasing letters
1528 LETTERS!
More customer letters than any other car sales site IN THE WHOLE WORLD! - Ling


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Letter
Customer Letter: 1338 / 1528
Gayle says...
CITROEN C4 GRAND PICASSOA great service provided by Ling and her team from start to finish. To begin with, the website looks a little daunting but you soon get the hang of it. All the way through the process you are kept up to date with what's happening. No lapse in communication whatsoever. I'll definitely be using LingsCars again! Excellent delivery by the Citroen dealer - could not be faulted!

Gayle Connon
11 Catriona Terrace
Penicuik
EH26 0LX


Editor Note: Gayle, so pleased you are happy! The C4GP is a great 7-seater! It's hard to add anything to your letter. Thanks so much for being a lovely customer. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1257 / 1528
Frank says...
carA bit zany, at times unusual, free gifts galore, but always excellent communication and 100% professional service. Will most definitely use you again and recommend to all my friends and work colleagues.

Frank Reynolds
Qse Systems
42/3 Hardengreen Business Park
Dalhousie Road
Dalkeith
EH22 3NU


Editor Note: Frank... you are a management consultant (now with a new MK6 Golf) so I appreciate your kind words. You are also Scottish and I always enjoy dealing with ethnic minorities :) Go drive your car, and thanks for the biz. Zany is good, I guess, hahaha! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1175 / 1528
William says...
LEXUS IS Doing business with Ling was a refreshing change to the normal. The Lexus IS was delivered to my satisfaction and is an absolute stormer. Hope to do business with Ling in the future. Delivery was excellent.

William Brodie
1 Talisman Place
Peebles
EH45 9BQ


Editor Note: Bill Brodie (a good Scottish name!), thanks for the letter. I am relieved I am not normal. Hope the lovely smooth Lexus is impressing you. Good cars (despite being Japanese). - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1173 / 1528
David says...
 It was such a pleasant change being able to complete the transaction for my new Subaru Legacy without having to deal with unnecessary paperwork or delays. The overall service was first class - and a bundle of laughs, as well. I'm not Duncan!

David Clark
Hughes Walker Solicitors
13 Atholl Place
Edinburgh
EH3 8HP


Editor Note: Hahahaha, I called you Duncan by accident. Bloody Scottish names! :) As a solicitor, I look forward to the writ when the Subaru breaks down. Now... here is an unusual car, I do not sell many of these, they are a low volume model. I'm not sure I have ever seen one! Hope you like it, it is certainly rare. They get very good reviews. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1168 / 1528
Sonia says...
FORD KAI am disappointed that I have not received my handbook for my car, a new Ford Ka. I love my new Ka, its so economic and nippy to run about in it. I can even have sex in my dream machine. Delivery was fine.

Sonia Geddes
28 Provost Melrose Place
Peebles
EH45 9BP


Editor Note: Sonia, yep, the stupid dealer has forgotten to send your handbook with your car. Aren't dealers hopeless? But the main thing is, you have your new Ka. Hmmm, I just know there will be loads of clicks on this letter because you use the magic SEO word. How you manage that in a Ford Ka is beyond me! You must be very flexible and have a small partner, hahaha. It is a real Sex-In-The-City car :) - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1163 / 1528
Claire says...
MAZDA 2Ling was extremely friendly and helpful during our time of leasing our Mazda. The website is very unique and easy to work. Ling was very prompt and informative and the information she gave us was very precise. I will certainly be using LINGsCARS again and would highly recommend her to friends and family. Delivery service was excellent. Very helpful and friendly.

Claire Affleck
1 Pentland View Terrace
Roslin
Midlothian
EH25 9LX


Editor Note: Claire, well, you work at a major bank, so I keep my fingers crossed for your job prospects! Hope you are enjoying the Mazda 2. You were very friendly to deal with, thanks for making my job simple and being so good with the paperwork. Speak soon! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1133 / 1528
Walter says...
 Initially I was a little wary about the lease contract concept, but was convinced after studying Ling's site. Having completed all the proceedings I am now driving a very nice car I otherwise would not have been able to afford. Ling makes the daunting process easy (and enjoyable if you have a sense of humour). I am a convert! Thanks. Good, delivery as promised, no further dealer contact though.

Walter Aitchison
1a Murray Place
Peebles
EH45 8DJ


Editor Note: Hahahaha, you insist I call you "Iceman", Walter! So, I call myself "Maverick" when I talk to you :) You were fun, and you are correct - people with sense of humour missing need not apply! Why do you want further contact from the dealer, they will only mess it up? You should be damn happy with your Super Duper Vauxhall Sport Hatch which was soooooo cheap! You got a 1.9 CDTi (150bhp) SRi for the price of a 1.4 LS. Maverick out! What a bloody Top Gun! Hahahaha! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1096 / 1528
Julie says...
 After dealing with other leasing companies in the past, I found LINGsCARS to be a refreshing change. Ling's website is fantastic! Not boring like the others. The service she provides was second to none and I will certainly be using her company in the future. I will have no hesitation recommending her to my friends. Good delivery, but couldn't deliver on the first day advised.

p.s. Loved the sweets!

Julie Connelly
42 Leyland Road
Bathgate
West Lothian
EH48 2TL


Editor Note: Jules, you were a great customer, and you are a Tesco Personal Shopper, so I will say thanks for your order and every little helps! You were a breath of fresh air to deal with on my LINGO, always so happy! Enjoy the Vauxhall Astra Sport Hatch! Those Chinese sweets were withdrawn soon after I sent them to you, they contained the Melamine. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1058 / 1528
Toby says...
CHEVROLET CAPTIVAOverall a very slick hassle-free process. Lingo is a great system and all my queries were answered in ultra-fast time. Car arrived on time, well valeted and as described. Got the colour (black) I wanted despite my local Chevrolet dealer telling me “no black Captivas available in UK for 6 months”!!! Fine, clean car delivered with nothing missing. No dust caps on the number plate screws mean they miss out on an "excellent" rating. I have already recommended Ling.

Toby S***
Address withheld
Edinburgh
EH10 ***


Editor Note: Dust caps!! Hahahahah. Sorry to laugh, Toby, but if that is all then I would accept that for every delivery. As you work in car sales at a big retail garage, I a) appreciate your comments, b) realise you don't want your address shown, c) wonder what they will say when you turn up to work in your new Captiva? Fun, fun, fun. See you in 2-years! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 1020 / 1528
Lori says...
CarI quite often forgot I wasn't Ling's only customer! Ling provided me with probably the best service I have ever received from a company in any industry.

The online sign in area and LINGO message board is a fantastic tool for busy people to use. And Ling's response times and updates were great and frequent. I have recommended LINGsCARS to lots of people already and will definitely use again! Thank you!

Quick delivery, my Mazda MX5 arrives at 7.15am, great!

Lori O'Neill
12 East Pilton Farm Crescent
Edinburgh
EH5 2GH


Editor Note: What an alarm call! Lori, you are talking about my LINGO system and people reading this will not know what it is. It is my behind-the-scenes communication area for customers, 100% secure. It is quite good, all built myself :) As you are a Business And Systems Integration Analyst, I value your opinion, thanks! You have a super car with your new MX5, just wait for the sunshine. - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 731 / 1528
Dean says...
CarLing, I hope you are enjoying my Australian sweets as much as I'm enjoying my Volvo C30!

As easy as getting a Big Mac - pick the car, fill out the forms and HEY PRESTO... new car! As they say in Scotland, it's been "bra" (and not what you use to hold your best assets). Excellent delivery, good service all the way.

p.s. Hope you didn't choke on those cherries!

Dean Oliver
3 Lady Place
Livingston
EH54 6TB


Editor Note: Dean, REALLLLLY liked the raspberry truffle bar from Australia! Sounds like you are having a great time in the Volvo, hope it causes less wind than a Big Mac!
image
You were a brilliant customer, despite being an ethnic Scottish :) I still can't figure your "bra" comment, sounds a bit rude, but maybe not. - Ling




Letter
Customer Letter: 664 / 1528
Gavin says...
CarGreat service and good communication. Dealing with "the boss" means things get done and in a timeworthy fashion. I must sound like "the boss" that I am with that comment! My Citroen Berlingo was delivered within 1 week, with half tank of fuel. Thanks Ling, do you pay referral fees?

Gavin McKenzie
24 Gardiner Cres
Prestonpans
East Lothian
EH32 9HB


Editor Note: Gavin, no, I don't pay referral fees, as my prices are so close to the bone that I do not have margin. Plus I refuse to increase costs for referred customers, just to generate some commission for referrers. Sounds terrible? I just cannot really do much about this. Berlingos usually arrive fast as hell, Citroen are good at this. Thanks, Boss! :) - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 514 / 1528
Martin says...
 "Ling, the Mazda RX-8's here - just going for a drive. Catch ya later!!!!"

... (later)...

Ling, the car's excellent, had a good drive and it's just what I expected and wanted. I can't thank you enough, I thought that getting a car would be a nightmare. On the contrary, It really has been a pleasure doing business with you from start to finish (All done from Iraq by Fed-Ex! Martin arrived back in the UK on the day he collected his car and wrote this! - Ling). I can't wait till I need a replacement because I know exactly where to come and I'll be recommending you to anyone that will listen! I'll get a pic for you soon (without my big machinegun) but it's pissing down with rain at the moment. Thanks again.

p.s. Tell Suzie at your dealers, that if she wants to see my big gun, she only has to ask! ;0)"

Martin ****** (name withheld for Al-Qaeda reasons)
*************
London
EH11 ***


Editor Note: Martin is one of my favourite customers this year. He is a Private Military Contractor in Iraq, so I have withheld his name and address in case any car-rrazy Muslims want to pop his clogs (no offence to sensible Muslims). Without people like Martin, no way would the US or UK Army be able to operate in Iraq, they are providing the security for people like British Government officials, industry big-wigs, TV and press and even the military itself! PMCs also enable ordinary Iraqis to get on with semi-normal lives and they are enabling rebuilding of the infrastructure of Iraq. Also, they spend a lot of time to assist training Iraqi law and order forces. Do not confuse British PMCs with American PMCs. As ever, British ones operate much more low-profile and sensibly. All are professionals and most are ex-special forces or elite military, or other specialists... these are salt of earth!

Here are some lovely pics of Martin doing his job out in Iraq, and he says "I've never lost a car out here...had a few bumps, scratches and holes put in them but never had one stolen!"

Well, glad Martin isn't planning to take his RX-8 to Iraq. With the common knowledge that these RX-8 engines blow up from time to time, the Mazda might be confused for a roadside IED! Zoom, zoom, boom!... hehehehe,

Please note that Mazda UK have applied pressure to my suppliers behind my back and blacklisted me from supplying more Mazdas, despite having many, many 100% happy and loyal customers who enjoy the cars, like Martin. Mazda UK's tactics are totally unethical, bullying, restrictive and unfair. Instead of saying what they want to me, directly... they insist suppliers stop dealing with me and they attack me behind my back - so I cannot challenge them! This is cowardly behaviour. Just to let you know what I have to put up with from these big companies trying to strangle me - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 477 / 1528
Kevin says...
 "I was initially slightly apprehensive of doing business with this somewhat bonkers Chinese lady with the unconventional website - however Ling offered the best deals around - no one could even get close to her quote! Ling offers the kind of customer service that I would happily pay more for, she even gave me her mobile number!!! Ps. car is also fantastic."

Kevin Haggart
7 New Lane
Edinburgh
EH6 4JD


Editor Note: Ah, this illustrates my point to other car dealers, Kevin. Car is secondary to service!!! Anyway, the dealer did mess up on delivery and caused a delay due to the transporter breaking down on way to Edinburgh. Not that that was the dealer fault, but their communication was slow. Still, it got there 1 day late, so not too bad. Zoom, zoom! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 468 / 1528
Harry says...
MAZDA MX-5"Personal Contract Hire was a completely new concept for me, and as an elderly gentleman entering his second childhood and getting a long wanted sports car (!) it was reassuring to be dealing with ONE person who seemed genuinely interested and who answered all my queries promptly.

The paperwork was a minimum and email communication great. All in all I am very pleased with the service and the car - it's just a pity I have no hair to blow in the wind!

Delivery of my car was good, I only met the delivery driver but the car was well prepared and came with petrol in the tank!"

Harry Dinning
14 Priory Road
Linlithgow
EH49 6BS


Editor Note: Harry, you were the most polite and charming customer I have dealt with all year! You even tell me you have special name for Sundays "Henry", hehehe. This is your real name, and you tell me off when I use it! Thanks for being so kind to me and for sending such nice emails! Glue your wig on!!! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 429 / 1528
Daniel says...
VAUXHALL ZAFIRA"Thank you very much - the Zafira is working out great. Jon was very helpful when you were away in China. And now I've got four free keyrings (complete with nuclear rocket) - what else could I possibly need?"

Daniel Holmes
Flat 3F1
26 Dundas Street
Edinburgh
EH3 6JN


Editor Note: Exactly, Dan! Yep, another satisfied cheap Zafira customer (cheap Zafira - not cheap customer, even though you are in Edinburgh :). These Vauxhall Zafiras have been incredibly popular - brand new model and the cheapest 7-seater available. Plus free aircon on the Diesel Life model. Brilliant, eh? Plus, please note!!! I did LOADS of work from China, each day clearing over half the emails. That's the benefit of a proper electronic sales system - good, eh? - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 374 / 1528
Allan says...
MAZDA 6"Ling, just to let you know that the Mazda 6 has arrived and to thank you for your excellent service."

Allan Tye
Arrell Associates
104 South Street
Armadale
Bathgate
EH48 3JU


Editor Note: Allan, glad you like your new Mazda 6. Very pleased to receive praise from a firm like yours which specialises in implementing Quality Management Systems ISO 9001-2000. Also, I'm always happy to deal with people from Autonomous Scottish Region, despite fact I often need to translate telephone messages - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 294 / 1528
Graham says...
 "Ling is fab. The personal touch is much better that dealing with faceless wonders in other companies - very reasonable too!!"

Graham Moir
My Home Stirling
Boness
EH51 9JG


Editor Note: I am F-A-B because I am having Thunderbird Nuclear Missile Truck, hehehe. Note that my "personal touch" is down telephone and on web, not in person! Enjoy SAAB! - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 234 / 1528
Karen says...
CarCarWe were going to phone you today to thank you for your help, Ling! The 2 x Shoguns are fab. We are delighted with them and delighted with the deal you managed to get for us. Neal at the dealer was really helpful and delivery was very prompt. We will definitely recommend you, Ling. You are great, your marketing is great, most of all YOUR DEALS ARE THE BEST!! Thanks,

Karen McKinnon
Smith Allen Marketing
Newbattle Awey College
Newbattle Road
Dalkeith
EH22 3LL


Editor Note: Ho, another Scottish! It is great to be complimented on my marketing by a marketing company! Thanks! Glad you like the 2 x Shoguns, Karen. Look forward to snow in Edinburgh so you can try them out, eh? - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 222 / 1528
Dale says...
CarI want a van! I want it cheap! I want it soon! I want it delivered with no hassle! Who do I call? - LING!!!

Delivered? YES!

Value for money? OUTSTANDING!

Would I go anywhere else? YOU WOULD HAVE TO HOLD A GUN TO MY HEAD!

Ling wins everytime. Unbeatable value, top service and a human. None of your smarmy sales rubbish! Ling for PM!

Dale Mykoliw
Managing Director
Stairways
54 Talisman Rise
Livingston
EH54 6PL


Editor Note: Dale, thanks especially for note explaining how to pronounce your name. It is remarkably similar to certain Welsh railway station. If you ever need any help with Chinese, please to ask me... "Ling for PM!" Wah, this is first time anyone suggests THAT! My closest link with PM is that my nuclear rocket truck is in Tony Blair's constituency at Sedgefield, by A1(M). Enjoy Citroen Dispatch, Dale - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 214 / 1528
Dale says...
CarMy new VW Passat was delivered in lightning speed, in perfect condition on the back of a truck, bang on time. The delivery service was courteous and helpful. Zero hassle, zero problems - and cheaper than any rival with excellent communication all the way. Nothing was too much for Ling to handle. I have sung her praises to all!!!

Simply put - LARGE COMPANIES = Problems and cost more; LING = You get what you want, cheaper, when you want it, with ease and no pressure or hassle - what joy! I will never order from anywhere else again. The only problem is the sweets are YUK. I like chocolate.

Dale Mykoliw
54 Talisman Rise
Livingston
EH54 6PL


Editor Note: Another sweet cruncher! I am going to put filter on website: ONLY CUSTOMERS WHO SUCK SWEETS ALLOWED. Subtle flavours of red and green tea and ginger dissolve onto tongue for taste-buds to savour, if sucked. Flavour crashed down throat if chewed. Please to be more gentle with gob. By the way, I am glad you like car, Dale, even though I cannot say your surname - it is damn bloody foreign name - it was a pleasure to have you as customer - Ling



Letter
Customer Letter: 117 / 1528
Gladys says...
CarHello Ling,

You were so helpful and so nice on the phone, it was a pleasure doing business with you. I appreciated the speed with which you completed the leasing of the Almera. The driver was very polite and the car was delivered on time and in good order. The dealer was excellent. Thank you for everything.

Gladys Rogan
16 Tweedbank Ley
Innerleithen
EH44 6PE


Editor Note: Gladys, I am SO pleased you are happy. You are very nice customer. And dealer does good job, too! Amazing day when Nissan dealer beats Honda dealer (see letter 3 down) - Ling



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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Melksham Mlitslublishli backs Dorothy House hospice care HOSPICE that helping-helping human bliengs in Wiltshire and Somerset will save thousands of pounds I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to Mlitslublishli expensive dealeringship buildling in - news replorted 14:39



Wah! LATEST:  Dainese has become FIM Official Clothing Supplier Dainese and FIM delighted to announce that, lah, following recent signing of agreement between two parties, lah, Da - news replorted 14:34



Wah! The prime dodgy minister of Nepal says country is "on fighty bang-bang footing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as it tries to help survivors of earthquake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:18



Wah! Parents of young adults who return to family home after university often "puzzled" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about how to manage relationship, lah, suggests small study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:15



Wah! The European Automobile Manufacturers’ Association (ACEA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! welcomes today’s decision in European Parliament on eCall, lah, - news replorted 13:51



Wah! The electric walkie-talkie voice talking machine thing communication systems used by police, lah, fire and ambulance services in London (capital of Great England) failed earlier, lah, it emerges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:49



Wah! The Finnish navy drops underwater depth charges as warning to suspected submarine in waters near its capital, lah, Helsinki. - news replorted 13:48



Wah! Land-speed record-holder Andy Green sees installation of seat bloody man will using in 1,000mph Bloodhound Super Sonic Car. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:47



Wah! AC Cars This weekend sees Midland Automobile Club host its first competitive event of year called Speed into Spring, lah, whe - news replorted 13:44



Wah! The woman who set "honey trap" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for professional gambler who was kicked to death for male gender human bleing's winnings is jailed for 16 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Adam Clifford, lah, one of seven election candidates for Class fighty bang-bang Party, lah, said it "represents working class". - news replorted 13:27



Wah! Thousands of troops and old bill bobbys officers deployed to Great Satan city of Baltimore, lah, after riots linked to death of black man in old bill bobbys custody. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:16



Wah! Nigel Farage says bloody man is "really rather bored" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with media's "obsession" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with depicting UKIP as racist party. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:08



Wah! Bentley Boys swap four wheels for two in epic charity challenge Bentley Boys Guy Smith, lah, Andy Meyrick and Steven Kane undertaking team’s second 12-hour challenge of 2015 mot - news replorted 13:06



Wah! Judd Trump opens up commanding 6-2 lead in quarter-final of World Championship against Ding Junhui. - news replorted 12:56



Wah! Abuse survivors and their supporters demand former home is pulled down - news replorted 12:56



Wah! The 2015 Wimbledon singles champions will win RMB Yuan #1.88m in prize money, lah, increase of RMB Yuan #120,000 on last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:39



Wah! In withering analysis of major parties' plans, lah, Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has concluded that households can expect lower incomes, lah, whoever wins election - news replorted 12:35



Wah! Labour is finally admitting its minibus touring country, lah, and previously described as magenta or fuchsia, lah, is ... pink. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:33



Wah! Scientists at Stanford University having been showing off MicroTugs - small robots that having superhuman strength. - news replorted 12:28



Wah! A British man worked on series of bombs which were planted in Iraq and led to death of Great Satan serviceman in 2007, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:26



Wah! The jury is sent out to deliberate in trial of Cwmbran grandfather who denies murdering male gender human bleing's five-week-old granddaughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:26



Wah! The father of two children who died on holiday in Corfu "firmly believes" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) they would be alive had travel operator Thomas Cook inspected faulty boiler. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Amy Winehouse's family having criticised new documentary about flemale human person's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:07



Wah! David Cameron has said bloody man has not "got clock time result to hang out with Russell Brand", lah, after being asked if bloody man was jealous of Ed Miliband's meeting with comedian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:06



Wah! A man is in critical condition following collision with LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine while riding child's motorised scooter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! Volkswagen Group Forum controlling in driving manner opens in Berlin Wlokswaglon AG will be opening new communication platform, lah, Wlokswaglon Group Forum DRIVE, lah, in Berlin on 1 May 2015. - news replorted 11:57



Wah! After two successful launch sales at Silverstone race circuit, lah, Classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Auctions (CCA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is set to move to brand new - news replorted 11:46



Wah! Weak production, lah, construction, lah, finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan and engineering services leads to halving of bloody annoying Blitish economic growth. And last snapshot of economy before election confirms there's been no rebalancing of economy towards manufacturing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:33



Wah! Microsoft faces phone import ban after it loses first round of long-running patent battle in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:29



Wah! Entertainer Keith Harris, lah, best known for performances with male gender human bleing's puppet Orville, lah, has died, lah, male gender human bleing's agent says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:22



Wah! The city of Salvador in north-eastern Brazil is hit by deadly landslides, lah, leaving 14 human bliengs dead and hillside homes swept away. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:16



Wah! Burundi is hit by new wave of protests as opposition to President Pierre Nkurunziza's bid for third term spreads beyond capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:05



Wah! Here's how BBC's Thomas Martienssen recorded male gender human bleing's experiences of 7.8-magnitude earthquake in Nepal from Mount Everest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:03



Wah! UKIP leader Nigel Farage gives campaign speech in Hartlepool in which bloody man is expected to make appeal to Labour voters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Angry gamers having forced Valve to end initiative that let human bliengs who make modifications or "mods" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for games getting paid for their work. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:58



Wah! Simon Oliphant Hitachi Capital has announced series of senior management changes, lah, that took effect on 1 rainy season-month Aplil 2015, lah, aimed at growing - news replorted 10:57



Wah! A general election candidate says bloody man is is sorry if remark bloody man made about gay marriage was misinterpreted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:53



Wah! Poppy Smart, lah, from Worcester, lah, heckled on flemale human person's walk to work every day and thinks more women should complain about it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:51



Wah! Footage of moment massive earthquake struck Nepal and Himalayas has emerged - filmed by survivor in Tibet Autonomous Region of China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! Comedian Sandi Toksvig is to leave Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Radio 4's comedy show News Quiz after nine years and 28 series. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! Rolls Royce, lah, Technology and Logistics Centre at Bognor Regis Rolls-Royce Motor Cars confirmed today that construction of company’s new Technology and Logistics Centre at Bognor - news replorted 10:34



Wah! A new EU-wide alert system to deal with road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu accidents, lah, called eCall, lah, is expected to getting go-ahead from Euro MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:25



Wah! The rate of economic growth halved in three months to end of March, lah, official figures show, lah, continuing slowdown that began six months ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:23



Wah! Former Manchester United goalkeeper Mark Bosnich appears in Sydney court to plead guilty to reckless driving. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:17



Wah! Take tour of Las Vegas hotel room which is $20,000-per-night more expensive in Mayweather-Pacquiao fight week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:12



Wah! The BVRLA has welcomed Cebr’s timely and sensible report into future of motoring taxation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:11



Wah! The Liberal Democrats will not enter into another coalition government unless emergency "stability budget" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is held within 50 days of 7 May election, lah, Nick Clegg has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Pictures emerge showing Everest Base Camp on day after Nepal's earthquake triggered avalanche which swept away many tents, lah, killing 18 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:59



Wah! Nepal is on "war footing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as it struggles to meet overwhelming need following Saturday's earthquake, lah, its prime dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:55



Wah! A Bo'ness man is celebrating after winning jackpot of more than RMB Yuan #7.8m in Saturday's National Lottery draw. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:52



Wah! Prime dodgy minister Alexis Tsipras says Greece is in final stretch of talks with EU and that bloody man believes interim deal will by in place by 9 May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:41



Wah! Tory party leader expected to announce 50,000 apprenticeships for 22-24 year olds if they win election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:39



Wah! An Irishwoman caught up in Nepal earthquake describes harrowing scenes at Kathmandu airport as thousands struggled to escape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! A baseball fan was struck in face by flying bat and carried from stands on stretcher on Monday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! The state of New York is to turn off non-essential lights in state-run buildings to help migrating birds navigate routes in spring and autumn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:07



Wah! Volvo S60 Wolwo LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bloody annoying Blitish has increased availability of its new Euro VI compliant Drive-E engines by replacing all of its front-w - news replorted 09:00



Wah! The identity of replica painting, lah, which was hung at Dulwich Picture Gallery as challenge to visitors, lah, is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:54



Wah! A man is due to appear in crown court charged with murdering woman whose body was found dismembered in flat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:28



Wah! A man once dubbed world's fattest speaks of male gender human bleing's new "responsibility" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as bloody man awaits life-changing weight loss surgery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Andrew Lesnie, lah, Oscar-winning Australian cinematographer of Lord of Rings and Hobbit films, lah, has died at age of 59. - news replorted 08:16



Wah! The small village of Lukla at base of Mount Everest has become centre for rescue effort, lah, following avalanches after massive Nepal earthquake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:05



Wah! Labour says leader Ed Miliband was interviewed by Russell Brand - after bloody man was spotted visiting comedian and political campaigner's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:04



Wah! Three human bliengs rescued from fire at flats in Knocknagoney in east Belfast after they were trapped on balconies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:56



Wah! The richest fight in history of boxing takes place on Saturday in Las Vegas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:50



Wah! An appeals court in South Korea finds captain of sunken Sewol ferry guilty of homicide and increases male gender human bleing's sentence to life in jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:33



Wah! Belgian footballer Gregory Mertens is in hospital after collapsing during development game for male gender human bleing's club. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 07:29



Wah! Oil giant BP reports sharp fall in profit to $2.13bn (RMB Yuan #1.39bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! for first quarter as dramatic fall in oil prices takes its toll. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:15



Wah! A man is charged with murder of 20-earth-years old happy birthday to you, student found with severe head injuries near Leeds railway station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:15



Wah! International aid supplies being distributed in Nepal after earthquake struck four days ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:11



Wah! The Great Satan city of Baltimore has declared state of emergency amid violent protests over death of black man fatally hurtee-hurtee in old bill bobbys custody. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:29



Wah! Plans for country park, lah, lake and resort on opencast mine site, lah, which having been recommended for approval, lah, delayed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:20



Wah! Plaid Cymru pledges to end postcode lottery that it says patients in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep can face in getting new medicines on NHs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:14



Wah! France and Australia having condemned death penalty as executions for three of their nationals looms in Indonesia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:06



Wah! Distraught family members of two Australian drug smugglers mobbed by reporters as they arrive in Indonesia ahead of expected executions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26



Wah! The Vatican Science Academy will urge Christians to take action on climate change because it threatens world's poor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:04



Wah! Russia shows off new-generation tank called Armata T-14 ahead of World fighty bang-bang Two Victory Day celebrations on 9 May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:54



Wah! Eight million human bliengs were affected by Nepal earthquake and 1.4m in need of food aid, lah, UN says, lah, as death toll tops 4,000. - news replorted 04:31



Wah! Thousands race to replaster massive mosque in day - news replorted 04:01



Wah! An RAF flight carrying bloody annoying Blitish aid and British Tommy Atkins Liberation Army troops, lah, including Gurkhas, lah, is flying to Nepal, lah, where many British and Irish nationals missing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 03:58



Wah! Why human bliengs in Hong Kong protesting against proposed electoral changes? - news replorted 03:23



Wah! The mothers being criminalised in El Salvador - news replorted 03:07



Wah! Picturing North America through its railways and coasts - news replorted 03:05



Wah! One teen's guide to having fun on bread line - news replorted 02:58



Wah! The moment Nepali earthquake hit my velly own damn home - news replorted 02:49



Wah! The short but surprising career of Bombshell Bandit - news replorted 02:45



Wah! Why Americans so unpopular on this tiny Japanese island - news replorted 02:38



Wah! Queuing for journey from Italy to Tunisia - news replorted 02:15



Wah! Labour Party activists believe they having grounds for optimism in key marginal seats, lah, Laura Kuenssberg writes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:10



Wah! Plans to freeze senior teachers' pay "arbitrarily discriminate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) against school leaders, lah, according to head teachers' union ASCl. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:36



Wah! The sole political prisoner to survive notorious torture centre in Brazil, lah, whose testimony exposed abuses there, lah, dies aged 72. - news replorted 01:30



Wah! The unit pioneering different way of dealing with alcoholics - news replorted 01:28



Wah! How difficult is it to memorise 42 minutes of music? - news replorted 01:25



Wah! What human bliengs like in dark corners of web? - news replorted 01:23



Wah! The NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) could save RMB Yuan #27m year by changing way it deals with alcoholic patients, lah, new research seen by Victoria Derbyshire programme suggests. Eating rice!! Jim Reed takes tour of specialist detox unit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:11



Wah! State of New York to turn off non-essential lights to try and prevent migratory birds becoming confused and fatally crashing into buildings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! Almost two-fifths of adults would like to be better cooks or bakers, lah, according to survey commissioned to launch festival of learning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 01:02



Wah! Convicted Australian drug smuggler Andrew Chan marries male gender human bleing's girlfriend in Indonesia's prison, lah, ahead of male gender human bleing's expected execution. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:44



Wah! There may be two distinct child obesity epidemics - one among infants and one among adolescents - research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! The latest manoeuvres in general election campaign and aftermath of Nepal earthquake disaster main stories on front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:36



Wah! As Shinzo Abe sets out on week-long trip to US, lah, it will be progress made by Japanese PM and Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama on trade deal that is top of agenda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:29



Wah! Bournemouth will survive in Premier League after effectively sealing promotion to top flight, lah, says chairman Jeff Mostyn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:21



Wah! They bloody velly definition of public holiday. You give me happy happy luck luck. But 144 earth-years old happy birthday to you, tradition of banks closing to guarantee everyone day off may be on way out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:21



Wah! The Tories will using fines imposed on Deutsche capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity for its involvement in Libor rate-fixing to fund 50,000 apprenticeships, lah, David Cameron will say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:12



Wah! A Labour government will set out action it intends to take on immigration within 100 days of assuming office, lah, Ed Miliband to say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Tory leader Ruth Davidson will say that flemale human person's party will protect pensions with "triple lock" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as campaigning continues ahead of 7 May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A funeral for Irish student Karen Buckley, lah, who was murdered in Glasgow earlier this month, lah, is to be held in County Cork later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! old bill bobbys and Tommy Atkins Liberation Army bomb experts at scene of explosion at Crawford Square in Londonderry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Sale Sharks players helped surprise youngster Ethan Hofton Land Rover recently surprised 12 year old Ethan Hofton from Manchester with news that bloody man was one of first funny shape ball-game - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish has once again beaten CO2 emissions targets, lah, with average new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in 2014 posting CO2 emissions 4.2% below th - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A report released today (28 rainy season-month Aplil 2015) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! by road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety charity Brake and Direct Line has revealed worrying and widesprea - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Thousands of pupils preparing to sit new look Higher qualifications as exams period gets under way in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



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