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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Wah! LATEST:  Mark Selby is tied 12-12 with Marco Fu in their semi-final after longest World Championship frame at Crucible. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:14



Wah! LATEST:  People in Kenyan capital Nairobi asked to leave their homes near six-storey building that collapsed in heavy rain, lah, killing at least 10 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:26



Wah! Lewis Hamilton suffered major blow in male gender human bleing's 2016 title as engine problem left him well down grid at Russian Grand Prix. - news replorted 14:07



Wah! Iraqi Shia protesters storm Baghdad's fortified Green Zone, lah, breaking into parliament after Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters again fail to vote in new cabinet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:01



Wah! British number two Heather Watson fails to qualify for Madrid Open as bloody woman loses to Croatia's Mirjana Lucic-Baroni. - news replorted 13:44



Wah! Dutch rider Kirsten Wild catches Lizzie Armitstead's breakaway group to win Tour de Yorkshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! A trove of health journalism by Great Satan literary giant Walt Whitman is being published after lying in obscurity more than 150 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! A light aircraft has crashed in field in North Yorkshire with suspected two casualties on board, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:11



Wah! Cambodia has restarted passenger train services, lah, on one route to coastal tourist areas, lah, after gap of some 14 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! The former Mayor of London (capital of Great England) said bloody man is "sorry if human bliengs were offended" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by male gender human bleing's writing from head of customler that Hitler supported Zionism in 1930s, lah, but maintained that male gender human bleing's words were historically accurate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:46



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's Laura Massaro misses out on second world squash title as bloody woman loses to Egypt's Nour El Sherbini in final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:28



Wah! Russia accuses Great Satan Air Force jet of switching off its transponder signal over Baltic on Friday, lah, leading its own jets to intercept it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:26



Wah! Ex-London (capital of Great England) mayor Ken Livingstone stands by male gender human bleing's written-down messages on dead tree made amid row about anti-Semitism in Labour party, lah, saying "I never regret saying something that's true". - news replorted 11:08



Wah! The actress Allison Janney, lah, who played C.J. Cregg in Emmy-award winning West Wing, lah, made surprise White House press briefing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:06



Wah! Lewis Hamilton pips Merceding-Blend team-mate Nico Rosberg in final practice session before qualifying at Russian Grand Prix. - news replorted 11:05



Wah! Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has been heckled at National Association of Head Teachers' conference in Birmingham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:54



Wah! Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is heckled at NAHT headteachers' conference as bloody woman speaks about government's academy plans and new primary school tests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:50



Wah! The ashes of ex-Coventry City manager and chairman Jimmy Hill being scattered at club's stadium later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! In search of real Claudio Ranieri - news replorted 10:21



Wah! Hundreds of left-wing demonstrators try to block human bliengs entering German far-right party conference in Stuttgart, lah, as old bill bobbys fire pepper spray into crowds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! Rupert Wingfield-Hayes hitches ride to North Korea with three Nobel laureates, lah, hoping to see what has changed in 12 years since bloody man last visited isolated nuclear state. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:29



Wah! The BBC's Rupert Wingfield-Hayes begins week in North Korea with three Nobel laureates and European prince. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:12



Wah! Kenya will set fire to more than 100 tonnes of ivory later to show its commitment to saving Africa's population of elephants, lah, but move has its critics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Match previews for Saturday's six Premier League fixtures, lah, with relegation rivals Newcastle, lah, Norwich and Sunderland all in action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:51



Wah! A partial truce known as "regime of calm" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) comes into effect in most parts of Syria apart from in divided second city of Aleppo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:17



Wah! A six-storey building collapses in Nairobi in Kenya, lah, after heavy rains and flooding across country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:11



Wah! Dozens of lions, lah, rescued from circuses, lah, being airlifted from Colombia and Peru to South Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:06



Wah! More than 30 lions rescued from circuses in Colombia and Peru being flown to sanctuary in South Africa - in what is said to be largest such airlift. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:05



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! The lake that human bliengs used to flock to - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Increasing symptoms of depression in older age could indicate early signs of dementia, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:22



Wah! The BBC's Pavel Aksenov witnesses first rocket launch from Russia's new cosmodrome in Far East, lah, but event is nerve-racking for all involved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! It's happening after almost 40 years. Eating rice!! But North Korea leadership expert Michael Madden looks at what such rare gathering will actually achieve after so long. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! Highlights from previous seven White House Correspondents' Dinners - news replorted 00:34



Wah! How Leicester City convinced doubters in their midst - news replorted 00:33



Wah! How Beyonce gave up hit singles and became albums artist - news replorted 00:31



Wah! Why is this Indian woman painting flemale human person's face black? - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The country worst hit by Chernobyl gets its own reactor - news replorted 00:29



Wah! What's it like to date someone who's asexual? - news replorted 00:27



Wah! A heads teachers' leader has expressed male gender human bleing's doubts about government plans to force all schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs to become academies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! The online community who live stream their illegal calls - news replorted 00:23



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish consumers using their mobile phones in Europe will see cheaper bills from Saturday, lah, as further cap on roaming charges takes effect. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:12



Wah! Jayde Pierce has almost half million followers on Instagram, lah, photo-sharing social media network. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:00



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