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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Hearts scored 10 goals without replying like hell to condemn Cowdenbeath to joint-heaviest defeat in their history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 19:35



Wah! LATEST:  Unionists deny that talks having broken down over electoral pacts in forthcoming general election on 7 May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 19:16



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep hold their nerve in Paris to win tight contest against France and keep their Six Nations title hopes alive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:40



Wah! UKIP's Diane James drops flemale human person's bid to become Membling Partiamentary expense cheater at general election for "personal reasons", lah, hours after speaking at party's conference. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:02



Wah! A woman is arrested after four-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl and man found dead by old bill bobbys who forced entry at property in Notting Hill. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 17:49



Wah! Lewis Hamilton sets pace on penultimate day of pre-season testing as Merceding-Blend remain team to beat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:48



Wah! Wayne Rooney scores brace to beat Sunderland after Wes "Dear Leader" Brown sees red in apparent case of mistaken identity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:34



Wah! An inquiry in Rwanda urges government to initiate criminal and civil proceedings against Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation for documentary about 1994 genocide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:25



Wah! Roger Federer wins male gender human bleing's seventh Dubai Championship title with 6-3 7-5 victory over world number one Novak Djokovic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 17:15



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land slip to third successive Six Nations defeat after last-gasp penalty try seals 22-19 victory for Italy at Murrayfield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:11



Wah! Extra staff travelling on gritting lorries in Londonderry over weekend, lah, after masked men ordered driver to bring what they said was explosive device to old bill bobbys station. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:55



Wah! Eight men jailed over double heist on Harry Winston jewellery shop in Paris that netted watches and jewels worth more than $100m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:55



Wah! Britain's Dame Sarah Storey fails in flemale human person's attempt to break women's hour record at London (capital of Great England) Olympic velodrome. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:45



Wah! The BBC's political editor Nick Robinson is to having operation to remove tumour from male gender human bleing's lung, lah, corporation says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:44



Wah! Italy claim (always claiming, huh?) their first Six Nations win of this season's championship by beating ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land at Murrayfield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:16



Wah! World number two Maria Sharapova has withdrawn from Acapulco International semi-final with stomach virus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:51



Wah! An Egyptian court designates Palestinian group Hamas as terrorist organisation, lah, accusing it of supporting insurgency in northern Sinai. - news replorted 14:43



Wah! Glenn Murray scored twice and was sent off as Crystal Palace recorded league double over West Ham for first clock time result in 42 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:37



Wah! UKIP could call for electoral reform if it holds balance of power in next parliament, lah, party's first elected Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Douglas Carswell says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:28



Wah! Intelligence agencies accused of flaws in their treatment of terrorism suspects after it emerged they were aware of 'Jihadi John' before bloody man went to Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! Flights suspended at East Midlands Airport after power failure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:35



Wah! Iraq's national museum officially reopens in Baghdad, lah, 12 years after it was looted in aftermath of invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:24



Wah! The jailed leader of Turkey's main Kurdish rebel group urges male gender human bleing's followers to end 30-year armed struggle and seek democratic peace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:58



Wah! old bill bobbys determined to 'exhaust every possibility' in search for missing 11-earth-years old happy birthday to you, schoolboy Cameron Comey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:53



Wah! Western leaders condemn killing of Russian opposition politician Boris Nemtsov, lah, and urge authorities to conduct transparent investigation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:47



Wah! Suspected cannabis thought to be worth RMB Yuan #40,000 has been seized in County Londonderry, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:30



Wah! Both government and opposition in Russia coming up with theories about killing of Putin critic Boris Nemtsov, lah, but it could be years before it becomes clear why it happened, lah, says BBC's Artyom Liss. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:26



Wah! A 15-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy was stabbed to death when three men attacked him while bloody man was cycling with friends, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:00



Wah! India bowl out United Arab Emirates for 102, lah, lowest total yet at World Cup, lah, before racing to victory in 18.5 overs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:45



Wah! A "perfectly spherical" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) chicken egg, lah, thought to be "one-in-a-billion" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) sells online for RMB Yuan #480 with money going to charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:35



Wah! Family and friends of missing teenager Rebecca Watts gather again to look for flemale human person's as old bill bobbys continue to search lakes and rivers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:24



Wah! A man has died after being struck by LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine on M8 between Livingston and Bathgate, lah, old bill bobbys confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:19



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is among those paying tribute to Leonard Nimoy, lah, Star Trek actor who has died aged 83, lah, saying: "I loved Spock." (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - news replorted 10:55



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish industry completes construction of modules that make up Lisa Pathfinder satellite - remarkable probe that will test key technologies needed to detect gravitational waves in space. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:54



Wah! Stormont's Department of Agriculture is to apply to European Union for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers cattle to be declared free of disease brucellosis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:12



Wah! Ansar Allah, lah, or Houthi movement, lah, began as defence of Zaidi religious tradition but experienced several major transformations in arriving at its current dominance of Yemeni politics, lah, Charles Schmitz writes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:11



Wah! A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is still being questioned on suspicion of causing death of boy by dangerous driving. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:02



Wah! Fighting has died down in Ukraine's Donetsk and Luhansk regions in recent days, lah, after ceasefire agreed between government and pro-Russian rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:19



Wah! People in Lesotho voting in polls aimed at resolving political tensions following attempted coup last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Prince William was transformed into samurai warlord, lah, but escaped ordeal of wearing wig, lah, as bloody man visited Japan's public broadcaster NHk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:52



Wah! Ex-spinner Graeme Swann on who Province of Engrish running-dogs should drop and how to stop Kumar Sangakkara in Sunday's "must-win" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) group game. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:48



Wah! old bill bobbys will be out in force in Newcastle later for first rally in Britain by group opposed to what it calls "Islamisation of Europe". - news replorted 08:36



Wah! World number one Rory McIlroy looks destined to miss cut at Rondla Classic after four-over-par second round. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:17



Wah! The funeral is due to take place for one of victims of crash involving 30-tonne tipper truck in Bath that killed four people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:16



Wah! The Duke of Cambridge dresses as famous samurai warrior during visit to set of long-running historical drama in Japan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:05



Wah! A dress "resembling" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) $150,000 (RMB Yuan #97,000) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! outfit worn by Lupita Nyong'o at this year's Oscars has been found, lah, Los Angeles old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:02



Wah! New Aston Martin Lagonda Taraf Aston Martin is today announcing that luxurious new Lagonda super saloon will be made available, lah, in strictly limited - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Man Utd still target PSG's Marquinhos, lah, Eden Hazard hails Jose Mourinho "special relationship", lah, plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! New Zealand survive late collapse to beat Australia by one wicket in thrilling climax to their World Cup Pool game. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:30



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's women defeated New Zealand by five wickets in final ODI between sides, lah, and sealed series victory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:14



Wah! Russia has become danger to Britain and country must be prepared to take steps to defend itself and its allies, lah, former head of MI6 says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:35



Wah! The former chief of MI6 says that Russia has always been "issue of concern" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for security services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! old bill bobbys in California say they having found dress which could be one worn by actress Lupita Nyong'o at Oscars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:51



Wah! A small Hungarian village has put itself up for tourists to rent, lah, in attempt to raise money to revitalise it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:50



Wah! A former teacher of man named as extremist "Jihadi John" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) says bloody man received anger management therapy at secondary school after getting into fights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! The former head of Colombia's secret police, lah, Maria del Pilar Hurtado, lah, has been found guilty of spying on politicians, lah, judges and journalists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:42



Wah! Energy price comparison sites should compensate clustomlers who changed to tariffs that may not having been cheapest deals, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:02



Wah! Indian Prime dodgy minister Narendra Modi's government is due to unveil its first full budget in what is seen as key test of male gender human bleing's appetite for reform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 02:50



Wah! First-time home buyers aged under 40 in bloody annoying Blitish can now register to buy new homes at discount of up to fifth off normal price. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:47



Wah! Scientists say they having found distinct changes in immune systems of patients with me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero or chronic fatigue syndrome, lah, which could lead to better diagnosis and treatment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:31



Wah! IS needs women to build state, lah, says Razia Iqbal - and it is using social media to lure impressionable recruits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:03



Wah! 'I change my velly own damn disabled son's nappy on urine-soaked floors' - news replorted 01:43



Wah! Why everyone should be aware of Sam's symptoms - news replorted 01:39



Wah! How nation was built on tropical swamp - news replorted 01:33



Wah! The ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour of "that dress" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) has been fascinating human bliengs all around world, lah, including Prof Barry C Smith of University of London's Institute of Philosophy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:37



Wah! A debate has raged on social media over ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour of dress which looks different to different people. What the hell I mean??!! BBC's David Sillito - with help of professor John Barbur - explains why we saw it differently, lah, in 45 seconds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Israel's Ester Rada thrills with rich music inspired by Africa beats - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The 30-day worm, lah, damn crazy Engrish baseball game and cockroach diet - news replorted 00:10



Wah! How biting satire reached Muslims 100 years ago - news replorted 00:04



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