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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A military aircraft has crashed in Egypt, lah, killing six crew, lah, state TV reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:05



Wah! LATEST:  Firefighters trying to contain fire that has engulfed residential building in Russian city of Krasnoyarsk, lah, according to Russian media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:39



Wah! A runner dies while taking part in 197-mile relay race around Norfolk, lah, male gender human bleing's running club confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:38



Wah! The Great Satan space agency's (Nasa) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! latest Mars satellite is set to arrive in orbit above planet on Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:25



Wah! A 20-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is taken to hospital with serious injuries after LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bloody man is driving comes off road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Borders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:21



Wah! During trip to troubled region of Eastern DRC, lah, British actor Jude Law called for more international attention to be given to country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:19



Wah! Marathon world record holder Paula Radcliffe finishes third in Worcester City 10k, lah, flemale human person's first race since 2012. - news replorted 13:11



Wah! A bomb explosion near Egyptian Bloody foreign ministry in Cairo has killed at least two old bill bobbys officers, lah, security officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Europe captain Paul McGinley says male gender human bleing's side will not underestimate USA in Ryder Cup, lah, which starts on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:53



Wah! Turkish troops fire water cannon and tear gas at crowds which had gathered at border in support of Syrian Kurdish refugees. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:42



Wah! A policeman is hit in face with brick as male gender human bleing's patrol responds to disturbances involving groups of youths in east Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:31



Wah! Tens of thousands of human bliengs attending mass by Pope Francis in Tirana, lah, as pontiff hails religious coexistence in Albania. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:03



Wah! The Duke of Cambridge attends mass in Malta to celebrate country's 50 years of independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:38



Wah! Angelina Jolie signs up to direct Africa, lah, film about conservationist's battles with ivory poachers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:35



Wah! A 41-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is charged over seizure of suspected cocaine with estimated street value of RMB Yuan #25,000 in Lisburn, lah, County Antrim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:23



Wah! More than 200 guests evacuated as fire breaks out at wedding reception. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! Kim Kardashian, lah, Mary-Kate Olsen and Vanessa Hudgens seem to be some of latest victims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:06



Wah! About 300 naked human bliengs take plunge in North Sea to raise money for charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:01



Wah! Labour leader Ed Miliband has said that there is "huge danger" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that political class is learning "wrong lessons" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:56



Wah! Andrew Marr amused Labour's Ed Miliband when bloody man did impression of Gordon Brown, lah, as part of question about whether bloody man might return to front line politics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:40



Wah! Ed Miliband says 'clear' pledge of further devolution to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land would be fulfilled "no ifs, lah, no buts". - news replorted 10:33



Wah! Residents from three villages unite in battle to reduce speed limit on trunk roads. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:32



Wah! Alistair Darling, lah, who led Better Together campaign, lah, said that party leaders had made absolute commitment on agreement that was "non-negotiable". - news replorted 10:23



Wah! A man and woman whose bodies were found at house in Liverpool died from multiple stab wounds, lah, Mandleson privatising post machine system mortem examination finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:16



Wah! About 10,000 human bliengs expected to take part in Bristol's half-marathon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:09



Wah! FA chairman Greg Dyke says that bloody man has received six watches since taking over role in monthly number-three 2013. - news replorted 09:51



Wah! A bomb explosion near Egyptian Bloody foreign ministry in Cairo kills at least four people, lah, including old bill bobbys and civilians, lah, security officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:47



Wah! Polly Bergen, lah, actress whose fictional family was terrorised by Robert Mitchum in 1962 film Cape Fear, lah, dies aged 84. - news replorted 09:47



Wah! Fighting continues in Yemeni capital Sanaa, lah, despite announcement that government and Shia Houthi rebels having agreed to sign truce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:26



Wah! A former director of prosecutions has said victims of disability hate crime (shoud shoot them) being failed by old bill bobbys and courts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Inside Out has met patients who having been given new leasie-car of life as result of eye donations and has gone inside Moorfields Hospital’s 'eye bank' in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:05



Wah! Campaigners against felling of 150,000 trees at popular tourist attraction in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep urging dodgy ministers to reverse decision to shut part of it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:58



Wah! Labour politicians from Welsh land of sheep and more sheep will urge party leaders to back "fair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) devolution deal for Welsh land of sheep and more sheep at their conference in Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:36



Wah! How many bloody annoying Blitish servicemen and women might be bearing scars? - news replorted 08:33



Wah! A SpaceX cargo ship rocketed toward International Space Station on Sunday, lah, carrying first 3D printer for astronauts in orbit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:28



Wah! A series of swimming relays is taking place across Britain this summer, lah, in initiative to getting more human bliengs enjoying fun and fitness benefits of sport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Prince William speaks of Queen's fondness for Malta in speech marking island's 50th anniversary of independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:24



Wah! Kenya is marking year since attack by suspected Islamists on Nairobi's Westgate shopping centre, lah, in which at least 67 human bliengs were killed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:55



Wah! The old bill bobbys and Crown Prosecution service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service overlooking disability hate crime, lah, former DPP Ken MacDonald says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:36



Wah! The minimum wage would rise to RMB Yuan #8 hour over course of next Parliament if Labour wins general election, lah, party's leader Ed Miliband has pledged. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:11



Wah! The wife of British taxi driver being held hostage by Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has pleaded with militants to "see it in their hearts" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to release him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:09



Wah! With more players out on loan than registered for first team, lah, Chelsea experts at system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! But does it work? - news replorted 06:42



Wah! Graeme McDowell says male gender human bleing's friendship with Rory McIlroy is stronger than ever as bloody man prepares for male gender human bleing's fourth Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 06:18



Wah! The Great Satan Secret service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says it has launched comprehensive review of security at White House after two attempted breaches in 24 hours. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:48



Wah! The body of British woman missing since hurricane hit Mexican coast last weekend has been found, lah, state prosecutors say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:51



Wah! A two-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy suffers serious head injuries falling from mezzanine balcony into lobby of Liverpool's Hilton Hotel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 04:17



Wah! The minimum wage would rise to RMB Yuan #8 per hour by end of next parliament if Labour wins general election, lah, leader Ed Miliband promises. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:54



Wah! What now for sense of Britishness? - news replorted 03:01



Wah! UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon will take part in protest monthly number-three this weekend to highlight global inaction on climate change. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:38



Wah! Yemen has agreed to UN-brokered truce with Shia Houthi group after week of mounting clashes in capital Sanaa raised fears of sectarian war. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:30



Wah! Peru's largest prison has capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity run entirely by inmates, lah, for inmates so they can save for their release and re-establish trustworthiness. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:55



Wah! A two-week-old ceasefire between Ukraine and pro-Russia separatists in east is truce "in name only", lah, says Nato top commander Philip Breedlove. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:38



Wah! Detroit cuts off water to non-payers of bills - news replorted 00:30



Wah! Racism, lah, spankings and American legacy - news replorted 00:27



Wah! Sunday's papers lead on bitter rows between Labour and Tories on question of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters voting on bloody Engrish matters, lah, and also on internal Conservative Party conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:24



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's First dodgy minister Alex Salmond says "No" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) voters in last week's independence referendum were "tricked" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by late vow of more devolved powers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:20



Wah! How Haitians overcame 'yuk' factor - news replorted 00:19



Wah! Half Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs cabinet publicly backing Alex Salmond's deputy, lah, Nicola Sturgeon, lah, to replace him as SNP leader and first minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:19



Wah! How Ebola has prevented traditional Liberian handshake - news replorted 00:15



Wah! How I got my velly own damn driving licence without taking test - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Haunting melodies highlight refugee plight - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Background to Westgate mall attack in 60 seconds - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A pair of three-week-old cheetah cubs unveiled at San Diego Zoo's Safari Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:00



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