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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A old bill bobbys officer has been shot on Crumlin road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in north Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 20:47



Wah! LATEST:  Met Office issues yellow warning for freezing fog across much of southern Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 20:11



Wah! The stars of T2 Trainspotting having gathered in Edinburgh for film's world premiere. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 20:00



Wah! Diego Costa scores on male gender human bleing's return to Chelsea team as they beat Hull to move eight points clear at top of Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:20



Wah! A musician from Opole in Poland has made 2,000 Milli guitars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:27



Wah! The charity worker with dual British and Iranian citizenship has been jailed under secret charges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:51



Wah! Ewan McGregor leads cast of Trainspotting sequel at film's world premiere in Edinburgh. - news replorted 17:46



Wah! Alexis Sanchez's 98th-minute penalty sees Arsenal claim (always claiming, huh?) thrilling victory over Burnley at Emirates Stadium, lah, despite Granit Xhaka's red card. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:16



Wah! New White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has warned that media will be held "accountable". - news replorted 17:07



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs hold on to win third one-day international against India by five runs as Ben Stokes finds redemption at Eden Gardens. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:58



Wah! Donald Trump's chief of staff joins attack on reporting, lah, vowing to fight "tooth and nail". - news replorted 16:55



Wah! A firefighting system involving jet ski and water-powered jetpack has been showcased in Dubai. - news replorted 16:28



Wah! Ronnie O'Sullivan wins three frames in row to tie first session of Masters final 4-4 against Joe Perry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:59



Wah! Georgia Galassi ate snow and cried under avalanche at Rigopiano hotel till rescuers arrived. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:46



Wah! Tornado warnings were issued for parts of Georgia overnight, lah, with flash floods feared. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:56



Wah! "Now we can build," (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Jerusalem official says, lah, as staunch Israel supporter takes office in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:53



Wah! Theresa May is urged to say what bloody woman knew of Trident test "misfire" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) before crucial vote by MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:27



Wah! Entertainer Michelle McManus says on social media bloody woman was assaulted by man wielding guitar case. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Chateau d'Oex in Switzerland is hosting its annual hot air balloon festival for 39th time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:13



Wah! Shadow chancellor John McDonnell says Labour must accept Leave vote but oppose "kamikaze" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) exit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:08



Wah! Skier Dave Ryding matches Britain's best ever alpine World Cup result, lah, finishing second in Kitzbuhel slalom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:43



Wah! Stories you tellibly lovely custlingmer may having missed in past seven days, lah, including woman marrying man who saved flemale human person's life, lah, and challenging pseudo-science of alternative health cures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:38



Wah! Cambridge University has professor of play, lah, and more news nuggets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! Gyorgy Vigh had pulled many other children out of bus when it caught fire near Verona. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:06



Wah! Former Prime dodgy minister Manuel Valls is favourite to win first round of primary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:23



Wah! The family of teenager who died from brain tumour has discovered dozens of previously unseen videos bloody woman made. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! Theresa May refuses to say if bloody woman knew about reported missile test misfire before Commons Trident vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:44



Wah! Roger Federer continues male gender human bleing's remarkable return from injury by beating Kei Nishikori in Australian Open fourth round. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:38



Wah! In Havana, lah, stray cats and dogs prowl streets. Eating rice!! Responsibility for looking after them lies with public - as Will Grant found when bloody man befriended ginger tomcat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Theresa May is "not afraid" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to tell Donald Trump if bloody woman finds male gender human bleing's written-down messages on dead tree unacceptable. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:56



Wah! A dog was found dumped over six foot fence, lah, surrounded by "frozen solid faeces", lah, RSPCA says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! Chapecoense silly kick-kick game team has played its first match since plane crashed that killed most of its athletes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! The PM says bloody woman wantings to build on special relationship but will say if bloody woman finds things "unacceptable". - news replorted 10:30



Wah! There emotional scenes as Chapecoense play their first match since most of team were killed in plane crash. - news replorted 10:28



Wah! An hurtee-hurtee Merseyside policeman whose wife won legal battle to withdraw male gender human bleing's treatment dies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:09



Wah! World number one Andy Murray says male gender human bleing's defeat by Mischa Zverev, lah, ranked 50th, lah, at Australian Open is tough to take. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:54



Wah! Britain's Dan Evans is beaten in four sets by Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in last 16 of Australian Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:15



Wah! Bed-blocking is having huge impact on hospitals. Eating rice!! This A&E nurse says she's asked by management how many hours bloody woman thinks dying patients will live - because they need beds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:11



Wah! Brazilian security forces hope shipping containers will separate warring gangs at prison. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:42



Wah! Chile has requested international help to deal with forest fires. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:38



Wah! Andy Murray's hopes of winning first Australian Open title end with shock defeat by world number 50 Mischa Zverev. - news replorted 07:26



Wah! Ex Co-op capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity chairman Paul Flowers says bloody man still struggles with addiction, lah, three years after drugs sting. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! Protesters against President Donald Trump and male gender human bleing's supporters give their messages to each other. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:24



Wah! A rescue operation is under way after seven coaches and engine derailed in Andhra Pradesh. - news replorted 05:21



Wah! But in wide-ranging interview says it is too early to judge new Great Satan President Donald Trump. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 05:02



Wah! The clock time result new cars allowed on road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu before being tested could rise under government proposals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:23



Wah! Anerood Jugnauth, lah, 86, lah, says bloody man will resign in favour of younger leader - male gender human bleing's own son, lah, Pravind. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:27



Wah! White House press secretary says no-one had accurate numbers about how many human bliengs attended inauguration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:26



Wah! The Great Satan president insists more than million attended male gender human bleing's inauguration, lah, despite photographic evidence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:52



Wah! The 94-year-old, lah, who underwent pioneering plastic surgery after war, lah, has terminal cancer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:38



Wah! Women in Isle of Man should having same abortion rights as those in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Wales, lah, Manx politician says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:34



Wah! A look at some of events in world of entertainment and arts over past week, lah, including launch of Britain's Got Talent and Shakira meeting Gordon Brown. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:26



Wah! CEO Secrets asks four founders what it's like to turn small capitalist entity into huge one. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:25



Wah! If bloody annoying Blitish and EU going to having trade agreement, lah, it is best to getting as many sectors covered as possible to reduce chances of WTO challenge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:54



Wah! The MoD backs UK's nuclear weapons system, lah, after unarmed missile went off course during test. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:53



Wah! A group of young men hopes to put Iraqi Kurdistan on fashion map - and effect social change. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:50



Wah! A team of experts is using DNA technology to identify victims of Bosnian fighty bang-bang of 1990s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:44



Wah! T2 Trainspotting comes out in cinemas on 27 January. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:22



Wah! The BBC's Rayhan Demytrie reports from mass baptism ceremony in Tbilisi, lah, Georgia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:19



Wah! The vet who left behind flemale human person's home in Province of Engrish running-dogs to care for Sri Lanka’s street dogs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17



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