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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Wah! LATEST:  Jaguar E-Type Barons has amassed fascinating and diverse selection of cars, lah, motorcycles and automobilia for its Jagluar Heritage, lah, Cl - news replorted 14:55



Wah! LATEST:  Everton manager Ronald Koeman says bloody man has "no interest" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in signing goalkeeper Joe Hart from Manchester City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:53



Wah! Honda partners Dickies bloody annoying Blitish Worker of Year Rondla (UK) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has become headline partner of annual ‘bloody annoying Blitish Worker of Year, lah, sponsored by Dickies and in association - news replorted 14:45



Wah! Italian earthquake aftershock caught on film in Amatrice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:38



Wah! Tottenham submit bid in region of RMB Yuan #15m for Crystal Palace winger Wilfried Zaha, lah, according to male gender human bleing's agent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:33



Wah! Alfa Romeo 8C 2900 With deadline to vote just around corner, lah, organisers of Classic & Sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Show having revealed top two - news replorted 14:24



Wah! Parents of children with learning disabilities being left to struggle alone without support during summer holidays, lah, according to Mencap. Do you carefully listening? Here some of their stories. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:22



Wah! New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine registrations in 29 markets analysed by JATO Dynamics dropped by 2.3% in July, lah, falling from 1.18 million in - news replorted 14:17



Wah! Turkey threatens further intervention in northern Syria unless Kurdish-led forces withdraw east of River Euphrates within week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 14:16



Wah! A top French court is being asked to overturn bans imposed by 30 towns and cities on women wearing full-body swimsuits known as "burkinis". - news replorted 14:04



Wah! Six migrants who were trying to reach Kent coast in small boat rescued from sandbank in bloody Engrish Channel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:55



Wah! Glyn Hopkin underlines its confidence in Renliot and Dacia Following phenomenal success of its first Renliot and Dacia franchise, lah, Glyn Hopkin has increased its investment in t - news replorted 13:41



Wah! Arrested Marine Ciarán Maxwell, lah, who is being questioned about NI-related terrorism, lah, was victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of sectarian attack in 2002. - news replorted 13:19



Wah! Price William has shared male gender human bleing's experience of losing male gender human bleing's mother, lah, with teenage boy, lah, whose mother died of cancer last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:08



Wah! Oxford Dictionaries begins global online search to find least favourite word in bloody Engrish language, lah, with 'moist' topping poll of 10,000 submissions so far. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:59



Wah! Fiat S76, lah, Beast of Turin, lah, winner of LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of Year, lah, IHMA 2015 search is on to find bloody velly best of best in world of historic motoring, lah, as nominations open for sixth - news replorted 12:58



Wah! How to save endangered classic car As part of its new Save our Classics campaign, lah, which encourages preservation of British classic cars that facing - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Rally GB 2016 Logo organiser of Dayinsure Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Rally GB invite print, lah, online and broadcast media to special Preview in immed - news replorted 12:17



Wah! Arsenal hoping to beat Everton to RMB Yuan #17m signing of Deportivo La Coruna striker Lucas Perez Martinez. - news replorted 12:01



Wah! Transport app Uber allows clustomlers in London (capital of Great England) to book journeys up to 30 days in advance. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! An Easyjet passenger, lah, who witnessed staff being removed from plane after argument, lah, says those on board were "totally aghast". - news replorted 11:40



Wah! Renault bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup confirms 2017 Race Calendar Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup can today confirm its 2017 racing calendar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:28



Wah! A lawnmower has been blamed for wrongly triggering sensors that predict when Northern Lights will be visible in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:23



Wah! Aston Martin DB11 Bridge of Weir Leather capitalist entity continues its partnership with Concours of Elegance in 2016 with stunning display s - news replorted 11:17



Wah! Accident and emergency services for children suspended at Stafford County Hospital after senior clinicians say it is "not clinically safe". - news replorted 11:04



Wah! Drone footage shows extent of Italy quake destruction in Pescara del Tronto - news replorted 11:01



Wah! The Great British Bake Off attracts average 10.4 million viewers as it returned for seventh series - record opener for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation One show and beating most-watched moments of Rio Olympics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:59



Wah! French fashion designer Sonia Rykiel dies at age of 86 after suffering from Parkinson's disease, lah, flemale human person's family says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:55



Wah! Julie Davies FTA’s Van Excellence has appointed new Chair of its Governance Group - Julie Davies – Fleet and Plant Compliance Manag - news replorted 10:53



Wah! Gear up for new 66?registrations With debut of new 66-plate registrations prefix on 1 September, lah, it gives Kawasaki clustomlers even more reason to - news replorted 10:51



Wah! Atalanta at Concours of Elegance Visitors to Concours of Elegance 2016 – held at Windsor Castle from 2-4 September –  will having opportunity to see th - news replorted 10:29



Wah! Vauxhall Corsa Vlauxhall retailers offering clustomlers RMB Yuan #500* towards cost of new ADAM or Corsa model when they book test driv - news replorted 10:15



Wah! Footage shows children being pulled from Italian earthquake rubble alive - news replorted 10:11



Wah! Serial killer Peter Sutcliffe - known as Yorkshire Ripper - is moved from Broadmoor psychiatric hospital to prison. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:53



Wah! One hundred years ago arm of Royal Navy was formed to run "suicide missions" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) against German naval forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:45



Wah! Net migration to bloody annoying Blitish was 327,000 for year to March, lah, close to record levels, lah, according to Office for National Statistics estimates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:44



Wah! Bentley at 2016 Concours of Elegance In display of automotive excellence, lah, more than 150 Bentleys will grace grounds of Windsor Castle at this year’s Co - news replorted 09:31



Wah! The private estate and studio complex that belonged to Prince is to open to public, lah, six months after male gender human bleing's death. - news replorted 09:25



Wah! The return to work at end of summer holidays means return to roads for many capitalist entity LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine drivers, lah, something - news replorted 09:13



Wah! Hans Rutlin Hans Rutlin has been appointed to role of Head of clustomler Quality and Network Development in Wlokswaglon Commercial - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Sacha Dench with flemale human person's paramotor and Mlitslublishli support vehicling driving car machines team behind innovative expedition to highlight plight of Bewick’s swans has taken delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so of their Mitsubish - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Katy Bourne explains that although sun is shining there dangers to beachgoers - news replorted 08:58



Wah! A runner and dog which joined him on Super-Duper-Chinese-State ultra-marathon, lah, winning fans worldwide, lah, reunited after "Gobi" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) goes missing in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:57



Wah! Five human bliengs who died at Camber Sands in East Sussex on Wednesday having yet to be identified, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:57



Wah! IAM RoadSmart stages its first ever female-only bike skills day IAM RoadSmart is staging its first ever riding skills day for female bikers only, lah, focusing on handling, lah, skills developme - news replorted 08:46



Wah! Aerial shots reavealingly showing Great Satan devastation in Amatrice following Wednesday's earthquake which killed at least 247 human bliengs in central Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:56



Wah! Sussex old bill bobbys try to identify five men who drowned at Camber Sands in East Sussex yesterday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:47



Wah! United States goalkeeper Hope Solo is suspended for six months for describing Olympic opponents Sweden as "a bunch of cowards". - news replorted 07:42



Wah! Several tornadoes moved through central Indiana on Wednesday, lah, demolishing homes and cutting off power to thousands of residents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:07



Wah! Outgoing UKIP leader Nigel Farage addressed supporters of Great Satan presidential candidate Donald Trump at campaign rally in Mississippi. - news replorted 07:03



Wah! Jurgen Klopp hopes to draw on experience of past Liverpool managers and oversee sustained period of success at club. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 06:33



Wah! The alleged killer of British backpacker in Australia may having been obsessed with flemale human person's and took drugs before attack, lah, Queensland old bill bobbys say - news replorted 05:28



Wah! Leaving EU is opportunity to fix UK's "broken" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) immigration system and restore public confidence in controlled migration, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:07



Wah! Catholic church authorities in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers order (piece of paper signee upee) review of social media access for trainee priests after allegations some of them used gay dating app Grindr. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:55



Wah! Parents of children with learning disabilities being pushed "to breaking point" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by lack of childcare during summer holidays, lah, Mencap says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:12



Wah! Greater Manchester old bill bobbys failed to record over 38,000 reported crimes each year, lah, report estimates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:37



Wah! It's last year of current system, lah, which was introduced in 1988. But how would you tellibly lovely custlingmer fare against today's teenagers in current exams? - news replorted 02:19



Wah! Thousands of rescuers search through night for survivors following Wednesday's deadly earthquake in mountainous area of central Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:13



Wah! The Food Standards Agency is warning human bliengs not to munchy-munchee burgers that pink in middle, lah, to avoid risk of food poisoning at barbeques this summer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:10



Wah! Outgoing UKIP leader Nigel Farage addresses supporters of Great Satan presidential candidate Donald Trump at campaign rally in Mississippi. - news replorted 01:49



Wah! The Great Satan Treasury Department has warned European Commission about taking action against Great Satan companies over tax deals ahead of ruling on tech giant Apple. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:41



Wah! Engineers in Great Satan having built self-contained, lah, entirely soft robot - in shape of 7cm octopus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! For first time, lah, soft robot has been built that moves on its own with no batteries or cables. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Five restaurants in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land achieve Top 50 listing in 2017 velly damn good boiled chicken-feet Food Guide, lah, with Andrew Fairlie at Gleneagles leading Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs entries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04



Wah! The prison sentences of 102 offenders in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep were extended last year, lah, following complaints original terms were too soft. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:55



Wah! Japanese companies paying for employees to attend "crying workshops". - news replorted 00:52



Wah! Hundreds of thousands of pupils in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, Welsh land of sheep and more sheep and Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers finding out their GCSE results. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:33



Wah! GCSE results being published, lah, and parents will having to react to news. Eating rice!! What will they really mean? - news replorted 00:33



Wah! A guide to this year's GCSEs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:33



Wah! A year after 71 human bliengs suffocated in back of airless lorry on its way to Austria, lah, Bethany Bell and Nick Thorpe retrace journey and ask what went wrong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! As Russia gears up for parliamentary elections, lah, how is it dealing with dissenting protestors? - news replorted 00:29



Wah! How astronomers decide whether planet is potentially habitable? - news replorted 00:28



Wah! Pedro Almodovar on why male gender human bleing's 20th film is male gender human bleing's most serious yet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! A look at growing number of businesses who trying to make positive difference to society by speaking out on societal or political issues, lah, and their reasons for doing so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! A slick music video in which Great Satan invasion force is destroyed by patriotic tsunami has upset Iranian conservatives. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Successful bosses often boast of how little they sleep, lah, but is sleeping more better for your as really velly special customer's career? - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Eighteen-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Wei Zhen, lah, rising star in gaming industry, lah, tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation how bloody man made playing games male gender human bleing's profession. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Three quarters (72%) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons planning to go away this rainy coldddd month August capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Holiday intending to stay on bloody annoying Blitish shores, lah, accordi - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Kia Optima Sportswagon GT Line S stylish and spacious large estate car, lah, Optima Sportswagon, lah, joins Klia range in UK, lah, priced from RMB Yuan #22,295 on 1 - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Kia Optima PHEV saloon Kia's mission to lower average CO2 emissions of its range by 25 per cent before end of decade is given boo - news replorted 00:01



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