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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  British actress and presenter Lynda Bellingham, lah, who had cancer, lah, has died aged 66, lah, flemale human person's agent has confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:44



Wah! LATEST:  Drivers could benefit if savings from drop in petrol and diesel wholesale prices passed on, lah, but Petrol Retailers' Association says smaller forecourts could suffer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:22



Wah! The World Health Organisation is expected to declare Nigeria officially free of Ebola on Monday, lah, after six weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) with no new cases. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:19



Wah! Indonesia's new President Joko Widodo officially starts in top job today, lah, but pushing through male gender human bleing's reform programme won't be easy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:05



Wah! Since it first appeared on World Rally Championship calendar in 1991, lah, Rally de España has been won by all of Citroën - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Greene King raises its offer for Spirit Pub Company, lah, owner of Chef & Brewer chain, lah, which indicates it will accept bid if other details can be worked out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:46



Wah! Investors seeking funding from bloody annoying Blitish government for ambitious plan to import solar energy generated in North Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:33



Wah! Over 400 scans and x-rays cancelled across Welsh land of sheep and more sheep as radiographers hold four-hour strike on Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:09



Wah! Two mythical creatures, lah, giant spider and huge dragon, lah, having faced one another in battle at Beijing's Olympic Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:09



Wah! Over 620 IT jobs being promised for south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep by Canadian IT firm, lah, as LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine parts firm adds 220 to its workforce too. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:00



Wah! Firefighters investigating cause of major blaze at Didcot B power station in Oxfordshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:00



Wah! A two-year old girl is being treated in hospital after suspected assault in County Armagh. - news replorted 06:41



Wah! Battle of Bogside in 1969 by Gilles Caron - news replorted 06:36



Wah! Leaders of Northern Ireland's four main churches to meet political leaders at Stormont later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:29



Wah! The mother who helped flemale human person's son flee IS in Syria - news replorted 06:23



Wah! Five of UK's biggest price comparison sites accused of "hiding" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) best energy deals from consumers by one of their rivals - news replorted 06:23



Wah! Firefighters investigating cause of major blaze at Didcot B power station in Oxfordshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:32



Wah! A new law that would allow terminally-ill patients in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep to be given untested medicines moves step closer after receiving government backing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:08



Wah! Joko Widodo, lah, winner of Indonesia's presidential election in July, lah, is set to be inaugurated as leader of South East Asian nation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:17



Wah! US military aircraft drop weapons, lah, ammunition and medical supplies to Kurdish fighters battling IS militants in key Syrian town of Kobane. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:32



Wah! The Liverpool homes where Beatles grew up - news replorted 03:08



Wah! The clock time result when average age of death was zero - news replorted 03:03



Wah! The WHO is expected to declare Nigeria free from Ebola on Monday with no reported cases of virus for six weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) due to rapid and thorough response from healthcare professionals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:26



Wah! The outgoing European Commission president is to call on pro-European politicians in bloody annoying Blitish to make more positive case for staying in EU. - news replorted 02:26



Wah! The stand-off between protesters and old bill bobbys continues in Mong Kok, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, lah, Hong Kong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:20



Wah! Pro-democracy activists criticise written-down messages on dead tree by Hong Kong leader CY Leung, lah, who says "external forces" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) involved in protests in territory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:15



Wah! A key meeting of Super-Duper-Chinese-State Communist Party leaders focusing on rule of law and fighting corruption is due to begin in Beijing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 01:51



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Inside Out examines whether health fears over plastic food packaging justified and asks if BPA should be banned in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Inside Out looks at High Court ruling that doctors must ask patients or their relatives whether they wanting to be resuscitated. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Japanese Trade and Industry dodgy minister Yuko Obuchi submits flemale human person's resignation amid allegations of political funds misuse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Thousands of residents in community of St George having signed petition urging creation of new city separate to Baton Rouge. What the hell I mean??!! bad schools or race motivation? - news replorted 01:22



Wah! Rare glimpse of militants' camp at gateway to Kabul - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Controversial opera prompts protests in New York - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Prison officer cuts having left prison system in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep "in crisis", lah, says Howard League for Penal Reform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:00



Wah! Why being brilliant is not enough at work - news replorted 00:21



Wah! Getting into groove with Australia's last record maker - news replorted 00:21



Wah! Scandalous tales from British embassy in Paris - news replorted 00:16



Wah! Comments on David Cameron's plans to cap EU migration and government anti-poverty "failures" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) make front pages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! WW1 fighter pilots who navigated using school atlas - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Less than quarter of human bliengs trust their Membling Partiamentary expense cheater to represent them, lah, but overwhelming majority of politicians believe they trusted, lah, surveys suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Starting pay for new recruits has been rising strongly, lah, according to latest data on ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's labour market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Society is paying "shocking" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) price for poor mental health care for pregnant women and new mothers in UK, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has produced computer game called 'The Doctor and Dalek', lah, as part of Make it Digital initiative to getting more young human bliengs into computer coding. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! A public awareness campaign is being launched to highlight carrier bag charge which has come into force. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish economy will grow by 2.4% next year, lah, well below 3.1% growth expected this year, lah, forecasting group EY Item Club says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Ford is creating 318 new jobs Floord is investing additional RMB Yuan #190 million at its Dagenham London (capital of Great England) site to produce all-new advanced technology 2.0-l - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Male and female civil servants will be entitled to full parental pay from rainy season-month Aplil 2015, lah, Deputy Prime dodgy minister Nick Clegg is to announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:00



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