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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
I expose ILLEGAL and MISLEADING contract hire and leasing websites! Why are you being tricked? - Ling
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I reveal CHEATING LOW LEASING PRICES from other car leasing companies! Why they do THIS? - Ling
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Manager says: 		"Ling is such a superb 2009 Award Winner for the best use of IT and Communications. Innovative use of the internet and her first class customer service should bring her many more years of business success."
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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Jaguar XF 3.0 i V6 (234bhp) Luxury Saloon 4dr 2968cc Petrol at £464.11 inc VAT at 10:32 yesterday - Ling

LINGS GUIDED MISSILE TRUCK FOR LEASE






LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK


...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE
turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!



JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!












NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.

Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.
Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!







Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005
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No Waiting
 
MINI BLOG
 
I am GAY ICON! WoW!
Posted: 04/02/10
Comments ( 1 )
I am GAY ICON! WoW! How amazing! I have my first Civil Partnership couple, both applying a car EACH! That was two weeks ago; the sensible one has alre... READ MORE
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HIDING VAT
Posted: 02/07/10
Comments ( 0 )
HIDING VAT Can you believe prices you see on the web? I've gotta say, how annoyed it makes me that so many websites break the law, also known... READ MORE
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CHEAPER THAN PENDRAGON
Posted: 02/08/10
Comments ( 0 )
CHEAPER THAN PENDRAGON I've just delivered a new car to a senior manager (for his personal use) in PENDRAGON PLC, the UK's largest dealer group. The grou... READ MORE
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MY SISTER'S (CHINESE) SKODA!
Posted: 08/07/10
Comments ( 4 )
MY SISTER'S (CHINESE) SKODA! Although I only lease cars in the UK, my sister Shan asked me to help her buy a brand-new car in China!
She looked at quite a... READ MORE
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NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015
Posted: 04/03/10
Comments ( 3 )
NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015 Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE
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THE 3 DEGREES - MY IT CROWD
Posted: 18/07/10
Comments ( 0 )
THE 3 DEGREES - MY IT CROWD Just to say that Mark, Jamie and Jonny have graduated. Fantastic!
All have got FIRSTS in Computer something or other from Sun... READ MORE
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Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am - Ling

THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
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Co Reg No: 6178634
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Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!
 

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: Inside Royal Navy's newest, lah, most powerful attack submarine - news replorted 03:45



LATEST: The government of Mozambique says price rises which having led to deadly riots "irreversible", lah, as Maputo residents urged to continue their protests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:10



The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation denies director general compromised its independence by visiting Downing Street to discuss coverage of govenrment's spending cuts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:01



Preparations for Commonwealth Games badly behind schedule - news replorted 02:51



Roger Federer overcomes windy conditions to beat Andreas Beck and reach Great Satan Open third round, lah, but seeds Nikolay Davydenko and Maran Cilic crash out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:49



The Mexican Tommy Atkins Liberation Army says it has killed 25 suspected drug cartel gunmen in clash near Great Satan border after its soldiers came under fire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:26



Why tensions rising in South China Sea - news replorted 02:14



A health watchdog reports marked improvement in 999 response times at Yorkshire Ambulance Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:53



Ultrafine measurements of atmospheric gases could help scientists track down last sources of CFCs thought to be slowing recovery of ozone hole. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:49



The government's chief environment scientist calls for more openness in admitting UK's cuts in greenhouse gas emissions illusion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:49



The River Amazon has dropped to its lowest level in 40 years in north-eastern Peru, lah, leaving boats stranded. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:49



bloody annoying Blitish Independence Party members gather for their autumn conference in Torquay with search for new leader top of its agenda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:40



Judges to deliver verdict more than five years after trial began - news replorted 01:19



A lottery system for school places in Brighton failed to give poorer children equal access to top schools, lah, academics say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:49



Why bed-bugs on monthly number-three again - news replorted 00:42



Alcohol consumption has fallen faster than ever, lah, figures from British Beer and Pub Association suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:38



Engineering manufacturing in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land is showing its best performance since 2006, lah, according to latest figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:30



Unison ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land members will discuss how to respond to move by councils to impose pay deal on 150,000 workers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:28



Gardeners being warned about risk of Legionnaire's disease from compost after pensioner developed disease after handling compost. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:03



Long-term using of bone-strengthening drugs may boost risk of oesophageal cancer, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03
For updates and comments, plus my opinions, new car feed, interesting stuff, latest deals, and me... click here.
- Ling
Tax
Car Contracts Every car gets FULL road tax for the whole contract term. This saves you up to £165 per year, or £495 on a 3-year contract!
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Intent
Contract Hire And Leasing Ling's mantra. Power and cars to the people in the struggle against Tony Blair, petrol prices and repression! Click here for statement.
Nuclear Truck
My Nuclear
Missile Truck
Sidebar Letters
Sidebar Read my customer letters! Click on your own NAME and read letters from customers called the same name ...hehe!
Fuel Costs GORDON BROWN'S FUEL COST! See how much you spend on fuel while you rent a car from me. Every car listed! No one else shows you this! -Ling
Warranty
Warranty All my contract hire cars come with the FULL manufacturer's warranty. So you'll have no repair bills!
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
Citroen 2CV dance!

Funny car leasing TV ads!
For updates and comments, plus my opinions, new car feed, interesting stuff, latest deals, and me... click here.
- Ling
Sidebar
Delivery FREE delivery and collection is included with most cars! A driver will drop off and collect your new car!
Tax
Car Contracts Every car gets FULL road tax for the whole contract term. This saves you up to £165 per year, or £495 on a 3-year contract!
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
Mazda Pick-Up!

Funny car leasing TV ads!
Intent
Contract Hire And Leasing Ling's mantra. Power and cars to the people in the struggle against Tony Blair, petrol prices and repression! Click here for statement.
I am Ling!
Contract Cars
Who is Clarkson? 		Who is Jeremy
Clarkson?
I exterminate!
I test drive cars myself to give you idea of quality and speed.
Who needs
Top Gear
when you have
Chop Gear?
Hahaha!
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So many customers recommend so I pass on details of this cheap contract hire car insurance company... for all visitors! - Ling
Insurance

Play my briliant motoring quiz!
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...don't do lease cars, but if they did, they would be done like this - Ling
Fuel Costs GORDON BROWN'S FUEL COST! See how much you spend on fuel while you rent a car from me. Every car listed! No one else shows you this! -Ling
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
Citroen 2CV dance!

Funny car leasing TV ads!

PLAY BOTTOM TRUMPS!
Extra Cheap Cars
EXTRA CHEAP
CARS HERE
See 30 cheapest cars!
Sidebar Fuel LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web!
- Ling
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
FIAT Panda baby!

Funny car leasing TV ads!
Fuel Costs GORDON BROWN'S FUEL COST! See how much you spend on fuel while you rent a car from me. Every car listed! No one else shows you this! -Ling
Who is Da Boss? Me!
Ling THE BOSS!
LINGsCARS.com is owned and operated by Ling Valentine.
I'm da boss!
Any problems, you can call me, OK?
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...don't do lease cars, but if they did, they would be done like this - Ling
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
FIAT Panda baby!

Funny car leasing TV ads!
For updates and comments, plus my opinions, new car feed, interesting stuff, latest deals, and me... click here.
- Ling
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
FIAT Panda baby!

Funny car leasing TV ads!

Play my briliant motoring quiz!
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PLAY BOTTOM TRUMPS!
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Cheap Car Complete a proposal form here. Fill in the details online or paper, with no commitment, and your new car is one step closer!
Sidebar Fuel LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web!
- Ling
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Letters Read my customer letters! Choose your nearest CITY or AREA and read letters from customers close to you!
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APPLY NOW!
Lunch!
UK Contract Hire NEW FEATURE "There is no free lunch" - YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer! Click here - Ling
My Top 10 Car Adverts!
Road Safety!

Funny car leasing TV ads!
Warranty
Warranty All my contract hire cars come with the FULL manufacturer's warranty. So you'll have no repair bills!
Ncap
Crash tests!
I take the trouble to show every crash test for my new cars, in the interests of customer health and safety!
Click HERE - Ling