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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Researchers claim (always claiming, huh?) they having found security flaw with Visa contactless payment cards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:41



Wah! LATEST:  Searches resume at blaze-damaged fireworks warehouse in Stafford where two bodies were discovered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:41



Wah! Bangladesh is hit by major power blackouts after power line connecting country to India's electricity grid failed, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:41



Wah! The government is urged to getting inquiry into historical child sex abuse moving quickly after Fiona Woolf stood down as its chairwoman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:34



Wah! Tens of thousands of mourners expected to attend funeral of South African silly kick-kick game captain Senzo Meyiwa in Durban on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:23



Wah! The Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Fire and Rescue service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service reports 18% decrease in Halloween incidents compared to last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:16



Wah! Campaigners opposed to introduction of water charges in Republic of autonomous province of Guinness drinkers to stage protests later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:13



Wah! Ken Fox and male gender human bleing's family celebrating 40 years riding Wall of Death - they invited Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Mike Bushell to join in. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:47



Wah! Home Secretary Theresa May has promised to consult victims groups before appointing successor to Fiona Woolf to lead official inquiry into historical child abuse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:43



Wah! Services at scandal-hit Mid Staffordshire NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Trust transferred to alternative health trusts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:39



Wah! The BBC's Katie Collins reports on possible cover-up relating to using of hormonal pregnancy test, lah, Primodos. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:37



Wah! People with mental health illnesses being asked to blog about their condition to help themselves and others. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:36



Wah! The government is planning to scrap using of old bill bobbys cautions - where those who commit minor offences given formal warning - in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Sir Richard Branson has vowed to continue male gender human bleing's space tourism venture despite compulsorly dying instantly crash of one of male gender human bleing's craft in California desert. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:17



Wah! Virgin founder Sir Richard Branson vows to continue male gender human bleing's space tourism venture despite SpaceShipTwo craft crashing in US, lah, killing pilot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:17



Wah! An increasing number of health workers worry that they may face discrimination when they return home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:12



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama and First Lady Michelle welcome some special guests to White House for trick-or-treat Halloween celebration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:48



Wah! Iraqi Kurdish Peshmerga fighters cross Turkish border to help defend Syrian town of Kobane from Islamic State. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:47



Wah! Tens of thousands of mourners expected to attend funeral of murdered South African silly kick-kick game captain Senzo Meyiwa in Durban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:33



Wah! A woman is stabbed to death in east London (capital of Great England) before man, lah, who old bill bobbys say knew her, lah, dies after being found lying in street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:51



Wah! Bright students from state schools at risk of missing out on university because of their uncertain immigration status. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:19



Wah! A split emerges within Burkina Faso's armed forces over who is leading country following resignation of President Blaise Campaore. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:14



Wah! Results from citizen science online experiment suggests that Spice Girls' Wannabe is UK's catchiest hit single. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:33



Wah! A study by Cancer Research bloody annoying Blitish reveals black and South Asian ethnic groups in Province of Engrish running-dogs less aware of cancer symptoms than human bliengs with white backgrounds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:56



Wah! The Uruguayan government announces start of registration for licensed cannabis growers as part of its plan to legalise drug. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 01:45



Wah! Militant group Boko Haram denies claim (always claiming, huh?) by Nigeria's government that it has agreed to ceasefire and will release 219 abducted girls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:38



Wah! The BBC's Lucas de Jong found one place in Singapore where interior designer Terry Goh has spent seven years making Ni hao! Ni hao! Kitty centre of attention. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:38



Wah! The Bloody foreign Office warns British travellers they could be targeted by terrorists seeking revenge for bloody annoying Blitish air strikes against Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! Sir Robin Knox-Johnston, lah, Briton who in 1960s became first person to sail round world on male gender human bleing's own without stopping, lah, is about to return to ocean racing at age of 75. - news replorted 01:18



Wah! In age of "binge-watching" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) programmes, lah, Great Satan podcast series is gripping audiences around world who hooked on its weekly instalments. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:14



Wah! No clear verdict can be made about military campaign in Afghanistan, lah, says Nick Childs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:52



Wah! The using of old bill bobbys cautions - where those who commit minor offences given formal warning - is set to be scrapped in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! The conservation charity WWF ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land cautions against moves to scrap Air Passenger Duty for departures from ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Relatives of those killed in Britain's first naval defeat of World fighty bang-bang One pay tribute in Chile - news replorted 00:41



Wah! The blind maestro leading all-blind orchestra - news replorted 00:32



Wah! Movember turns its attention to men's mental health - news replorted 00:05



Wah! From zebra crossings to bus stations: Province of Engrish running-dogs's surprising listed buildings - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Are Corsica's days of mafia and militants over? - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Why wives take man's name after marriage? - news replorted 00:00



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