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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The divided Syrian city of Aleppo sees morning of air attacks, lah, with reports of barrel bombs hitting hospital put out of action days earlier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:58



Wah! LATEST:  Lewis Hamilton puts in scintillating performance to take pole position for Malaysian Grand Prix. - news replorted 11:15



Wah! old bill bobbys searching for missing toddler Ben Needham excavate area near to where it has been claimed bloody man was crushed to death by digger. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:10



Wah! An Orange order (piece of paper signee upee) parade has passed off peacefully in north Belfast as part of deal to end long running dispute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:37



Wah! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge take part in fishing trip and canoe trip to Haida Gwaii during their trip to Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:22



Wah! Communities nearby were evacuated as Mexico's Colima volcano became more active. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:17



Wah! A former gymnast has launched crowd-funding page in bid to getting flemale human person's leg amputated, lah, to end flemale human person's daily chronic pain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:30



Wah! Unicef urges bloody annoying Blitish government to speed up transfer of unaccompanied child refugees to Britain from "Jungle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) camp in Calais - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Alabama's controversial chief justice is removed from office for defying federal court rulings that legalized same-sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:09



Wah! The most powerful hurricane in Atlantic for nine years moves towards Jamaica, lah, with wind speeds strong enough to wreck houses and infrastructure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:21



Wah! More than 15,000 homes and businesses in just eight council areas were flooded in last winter's storms, lah, survey has revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:37



Wah! A man and woman charged with murder of three-month-old girl who was found unresponsive on bus in east London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:50



Wah! Europe fight back from 4-0 foursomes whitewash to cut USA's lead to 5-3 after day one of Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 04:00



Wah! Sickness benefits claimants will no longer having to go through reassessments to keep their payments if they suffer from chronic illnesses, lah, Work and Pensions Secretary Damian Green is to announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:53



Wah! old bill bobbys in Great Satan city of San Diego release video footage of compulsorly dying instantly shooting of unarmed black man outside shopping centre on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:41



Wah! A LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine ploughs into crowd of of human bliengs amid reports of "nuisance vehicling driving car machines" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on industrial estate, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:24



Wah! Henrik Stenson and Justin Rose will partner rookies in Saturday's foursomes as Europe begins day two of Ryder Cup 5-3 behind United States. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:10



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs boxer Mike Towell dies in hospital after being seriously hurtee-hurtee in bout on Thursday, lah, male gender human bleing's management says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! A selection of best news photographs from around world, lah, taken over past week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! Europe still down but they on way back up, lah, writes Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport's Tom Fordyce after watching day of two halves at Hazeltine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:17



Wah! Samsung's flagship Galaxy Note 7 smartphone is due to go back on sale in South Korea on Monday, lah, following safety recall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:16



Wah! A night out clubbing is something most young human bliengs take for granted, lah, but it's not always easy for those with disabilities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:14



Wah! The Newport Street Gallery has been shortlisted for Riba's prestigious Stirling Prize, lah, 2016. - news replorted 01:08



Wah! The man with Type 2 diabetes who is fighting male gender human bleing's sugar compulsion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Some 65 years after it was made, lah, earliest known recording of music produced by computer has finally been restored. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:07



Wah! Sixteen years after making documentary with Jimmy Savile, lah, Louis Theroux revisits male gender human bleing's encounter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! The self-described "support group" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of female Trump voters in California tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation why they voting for businessman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:33



Wah! Europe win three of afternoon fourballs matches to cut United States' lead on first day of Ryder Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 00:27



Wah! More than 1,000 requests made in first year of scheme which allows human bliengs to be told if their partner has been violent in past. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! A designer has used London (capital of Great England) Fashion Week to show off flemale human person's collection using VR technology. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:25



Wah! The Times reports on Prime dodgy minister Theresa May's "hands-on style", lah, while there reports that European builders in bloody annoying Blitish to be "saved from Brexit". - news replorted 00:20



Wah! South African tattoo artist Sibusiso Nkabinde talks about challenges bloody man faced setting up male gender human bleing's studio in Soweto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! How scientists helping Twycross Zoo encourage chimps to behave as naturally as possible. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Electronic producer Moby has returned with new project and pseudo-political manifesto Moby and Pacific Void Choir - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Sam Allardyce could face FA ban over newspaper revelations that led to male gender human bleing's departure as Province of Engrish running-dogs manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Animal tuberculosis, lah, which is spread through contaminated food, lah, is greater threat to human health than previously realised, lah, leading doctors and vets warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:04



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