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LING's NUCLEAR
MISSILE TRUCK



...this is my pet nuclear rocket!
- Ling




TRUCK MOVIES HERE

turn up your sound...
My truck Thunderbirds movie (.wmv) 4MB
Truck stuck in muddy river movie (.wmv) 4MB
Financial Times truck photo shoot movie (.wmv) 4MB
A nuclear truck movie for kids! (.wmv) 500kb
Missile Truck engine movie (nice noise) (.wmv) 3MB



NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on A1(M)
(Sedgefield)

Missile truck was initially next to A1 Motorway in Tony Blair's consituency of Sedgefield, near Darlington. It pointed West towards George Bush!







NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK on M62
(Saddleworth Moor)

After 2-years on the A1, I decided to move my rocket South. So I chose Saddleworth Moor on Lancashire/Yorkshire border, where the mist lies on the hills and my truck will look evil as slowly it is revealed as the clouds lift. Also M62 is one of the busiest motorways in Western Europe.





NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK in VIZ!
(Viz is adult comic)

My rocket truck has been featured in loads of press and TV and radio articles. One of my favourites is the nuclear truck in Viz magazine. Building a nuclear missile truck can be good for your bank balance!







JUST SOME OF THE MISSILE TRUCK PRESS!














NUCLEAR MISSILE TRUCK BUILD DIARY

Spec: 7.0 V8 petrol, 150bhp, 7 tonne, 6x6, Russian built Zil 131, ex-People's Liberation Army - Ling

This is truck as arrived UK (below). Superhusband Jon begins project. We need to make missile for top. Then advertise on side of A1 motorway near Darlington.


Update 26th May; Truck arrives from Shanghai on ship. OOOoooops! Radiator blown. Replacement on way. I have made husband Jon take out old radiator wait for new one. 6m (20') Missile body built by superhusband, need skin, lifting on truck with Hiab (??? what is this?) and applying signwriting. Husband says he will suprise me with signwriting. Hmmm.



Update 28th May; Wah! I found out this originally NUCLEAR DECONTAMINATION TRUCK!!! My God! Maybe based in Lop Nor? No problem... Chinese Government say "radiation dose good for you". Proved by exploding many nuclear bombs in China, still 1.3bn people alive. Will truck glow in dark on side of A1 road? Aha! I find out by home science test. Did you know I have BSc in Organic Chemistry and also MSc? I not stupid! Here is how I test radiation...
1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard.
2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK.
3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK.
4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use.

Most people too stupid to apply common sense solutions.



Update 30th May; Many people email and call me to ask how superhusband Jon is building a giant nuclear rocket. Well, here it is, above. He used some 600mm water pipe, and put 8 lengths of the floor support wood (150mm x 50mm x 6000mm) around it. Now he has attached small wings. He has painted them white (all rockets are white, it is rule). Now he needs to put skin on, and rocket will be 900mm (3 English feet) in diameter. He will use the plastic boards that the estate agent uses when selling house, but in big sheets. Add pointing nose with red end. Then writing, then lift to truck. Easy (he says!). Big and silly, but why not go a little crazzzy sometimes?
Who else do this?



Update 5th June; Now skin is on most of missile. You can see how it will look. Red nose, maybe white nose - I can't decide yet... (about 5 feet long) is still to attach and then rocket will be lifted onto Ling truck. After this, signwriting will apply. These step by step instructions for building ICBM missile should not be copied by stupid children.
Can you see how it will look now????
Picture below give you some idea of size, compared to old Volvo car. Big, huh? And looks quite perfect and real thanks to superhusband Jon. I put signwriting on with PaintShop so you can see how finished rocket might look. Just imagine this pointing up at about 15 degree angle on top of truck! Mr Mao would be damn proud of me (except he's dead). I tell Jon, truck should always park pointing West towards America. He says South East towards France. Hehehe. Wah!


(PMH Contracts my old business name)

Finally, below, you can see the truck and the rocket skeleton together. This gives you good impression of how big is this job. Picture is actual blueprint Jon used to measure up. He took pic several times to make sure missile fits on truck, during build. This is last pic before truck moved to fit new radiator. Also, Jon takes off spare wheel and makes frame to support missile so it goes over truck cab. Certainly better than NASA space shuttle effort, and so far cost is just £200 + Truck. Maybe another £200 for signwriting. I not waste money! This damn cheap advert, will get in all newspapers, maybe TV, and sit at side of A1 road, everyone will see!
It just shows that nothing impossible!!! - Ling



Update 8th June; Radiator mended. Truck road tested. Building missile frame tomorrow. Good.



Update 14th June; Missile on truck!!! LOOK! LOOK! Now looking something like finished thing. I re-colour grey sky as missile difficult to see edge otherwise. Do you like Chinese writing? It says "Ling's truck". What a difference white wheel rims make. Maybe you should try on contract hire car. Trucks on parade through Tiananmen Square ALWAYS have these white wheels! Cue music! Listen and imagine!!! See pic below for accurate reference to prove my claim!



I am so disappointed stupid English British vehicle and driving licence regulations mean that I cannot drive 8-wheel nuclear missile truck in UK without HGV licence! But 6x6 will do. I can drive Zil on car licence. Beats poncy X5, Porcshe Cayenne, Mercedes ML and actually shoves rocket up Germans' ass. Who else has 7.0 V8 toy? Anyone wanna come play off road or tug of war? Hehehe. My truck signwriting to come soon! Truck is parked just over River Tyne from BAE Systems Alvis-Vickers tank factory. Husband says he will take truck to factory and ask MD if he wants to come out to play with big toys (maybe not try tug of war with Challenger - ooops). Maybe get nice pics. Wah! Needs signwriting first!



...and here is truck FINISHED!



...with me sitting on it, just in case you missed me perched up there! - Ling



2010 MISSILE REBUILD!
(Due to UV damage...)

After 4 years of hard work outside, the sun had caused UV damage to my missile, so I have reskinned it!











Nuclear missile truck idea copyright LINGsCARS.com 2005

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Nato is ready to patrol Aegean Sea to deter people-smugglers taking migrants from Turkey to Greece, lah, Great Satan Defence Secretary Ashton Carter says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:28



Wah! LATEST:  London's top shares fall nearly 3%, lah, while other European markets see even bigger falls, lah, amid anxiety about health of global economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:26



Wah! A couple who were separated following Second World fighty bang-bang having been reunited after more than 70 years apart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:24



Wah! Some 42% of parents of children diagnosed with cancer feel their concerns were ignored by GPs, lah, research by cancer charity CLIC Sargent suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:04



Wah! Ministers expected to impose contract on junior doctors in Province of Engrish running-dogs after British Medical Association rejected final "take-it-or-leave-it" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) offer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:38



Wah! Tech giant Google says it will hide content removed under "right to be forgotten" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from all versions of search engine when viewed from countries where removal was approved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:36



Wah! British Gas and EDF Energy announce they cutting their gas prices, lah, last of big six energy suppliers to so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! The draft internet monitoring bill has been criticised as "a dragnet approach" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "disproportionate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by former Deputy Prime dodgy minister Nick Clegg. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:15



Wah! Formula 1 commentator Eddie Jordan and German racing driver Sabine Schmitz to join new series of Top Gear. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! A blaze is reported at Tata Steel plant in Port Talbot, lah, Mid and West Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Fire service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:02



Wah! A Great Satan push for immediate ceasefire in Syria runs into Russian opposition ahead of talks aimed at reviving stalled peace negotiations on conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:50



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government makes small step towards making online communication with public easier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:45



Wah! Comments by Facebook board member could put Mark Zuckerberg's global plans on back foot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Mercury stars in EDT case study for IMI film ITN production team visited Mercury LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Centre in Brentwood on Monday 8 Febliurary to shoot footage of EDT’s engine det - news replorted 08:26



Wah! Hong Kong shares join regional downward trend, lah, falling nearly 4%, lah, as trading resumes after Lunar New Year break. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:17



Wah! As prime dodgy minister enters this last week of negotiation before crunch EU summit in Brussels next week, lah, ministers' minds turning to what happens in aftermath, lah, not just of summit, lah, but referendum itself. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 08:13



Wah! The International Floord Show one-off auction featuring only classic Fords will take place at International Floord Show, lah, this year’s newest and mo - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Carol Keller, lah, Marketing & Communications Director, lah, BEN BEN, lah, automotive industry charity has recently appointed Carol Keller in newly created role as Marketing & Communic - news replorted 08:00



Wah! A young Australian boy with cystic fibrosis was given chance to save Sydney from super villain on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:42



Wah! Rio Tinto reports slump in net profits and keeps its dividend flat, lah, hit by fall in commodity prices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! Ampera-e battery electric car Opel Group will launch revolutionary new battery electric LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine next year, lah, as capitalist entity continues biggest, lah, most fa - news replorted 07:30



Wah! Honda's Boots in boots As first day of London (capital of Great England) Triathlon Show gets underway today, lah, main sponsor Rondla bloody annoying Blitish is further underlining its suit - news replorted 07:00



Wah! The Hollywood studio behind Great Satan film Dallas Buyers Club is no longer pursuing its piracy case against Australians accused of illegally downloading movie. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:55



Wah! old bill bobbys should change their approach to sex abuse allegations and pursue claim (always claiming, huh?) with "open mind" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) rather than follow current policy of presuming them to be true. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:01



Wah! The FBI moves in on last occupiers of wildlife reserve in Great Satan state of Oregon who protesting against federal control of local lands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! How Clement Attlee's decision in 1940s to arm Britain with nuclear weapons looms over party's debate on renewing Trident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! Why does treatment for pets cost so much? - news replorted 01:57



Wah! Why crew shortages cause one in 10 train delays? - news replorted 01:52



Wah! A 94-year former Nazi SS guard at Auschwitz death camp in Poland is to go on trial in Germany over murder of at least 170,000 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! Labour's local government spokesman acknowledges bloody man "made slip" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) when bloody man suggested Tunbridge Wells was in Surrey rather than Kent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:35



Wah! Foodies turning to this new type of pepper - news replorted 01:34



Wah! Fighting in Syria's Aleppo province has displaced about 50,000 human bliengs and humanitarian situation is deteriorating rapidly, lah, Red Cross says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:29



Wah! Russia is succeeding in Syria where West has failed, lah, by setting achievable goal and committing enough force to reach it, lah, as Jonathan Marcus reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:11



Wah! The Met old bill bobbys is increasingly concerned that so-called Islamic State’s foothold in Libya could become springboard for terrorist attacks on UK, lah, as Frank Gardner reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! Issues of mutual concern propelling leaders of Roman Catholic and Russian Orthodox Churches towards dialogue, lah, as Caroline Wyatt reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:09



Wah! The BBC's director general Tony Hall is "effectively accountable to no-one", lah, says new report by group of MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! London-based Glaswegian photographer Dougie Wallace spent four years documenting black-and-yellow Premier Padmini taxis that having been feature of Mumbai, lah, India's financial capital, lah, since 1960s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:07



Wah! More students from white working class backgrounds to be targeted in university recruitment controlling in driving manner - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Iran debates sexual harassment after newsreader puts recording online - news replorted 01:03



Wah! Sesame Street's Elmo explains why male gender human bleing's neighbourhood seems to having gone upmarket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! The Cultural Revolution and cult of mango - news replorted 01:00



Wah! Why UK's hopes for Europe not same as other countries', lah, asks Allan Little - news replorted 00:57



Wah! The way old bill bobbys deal with alleged sex offences comes under microscope, lah, while UK's relationship with Europe continues to make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! David Bowie's son Duncan Jones announces bloody man is to become father for first clock time result - revealing news one month after singer's death. - news replorted 00:35



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation talks to vendors in Mong Kok after clashes following operation to clear unlicensed street food stalls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! When Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor took part in student production in Oxford - news replorted 00:23



Wah! The system of 'bloody Engrish Votes for bloody Engrish Laws' is too complicated and may not last long due its lack of support, lah, committee of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! Vice-chancellors at bloody annoying Blitish universities receive average salary packages of RMB Yuan #272,000 year, lah, University and College Union says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A new exhibition looks at how women of Royal Family dress in keeping with their royal duties and with current fashion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! The dance teacher with Down's Syndrome - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Most grocery shoppers unable to identify cheapest deals when faced with blizzard of "special offers" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in stores, lah, financial experts say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Surveyors witnessing surge of demand from buy-to-let investors which they expect to push up house prices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Spending year living monastic life - news replorted 00:09



Wah! BT says it will launch new service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service later this year to divert nuisance calls within its network before they ring on clustomlers' phones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! All criminals who plead guilty at earliest opportunity could having their sentences cut by third, lah, under new plans in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Google's agreement with UK's tax authorities has caused public furore, lah, but is tide finally turning for corporate tax avoiders? - news replorted 00:01



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