LATEST:  The government of Venezuela is trying to import 50 million rolls of toilet paper before supermarket shelves run out of stock. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 18:45

LATEST:  A family member carrying out home DIY job may having caused explosion which killed two human bliengs and left third in hospital, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:44

Province of Engrish running-dogs call up Manchester City midfielder Jack Rodwell for friendlies against Republic of autonomous province of Guinness drinkers and Brazil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 18:09

Paul Mosley, lah, jailed for manslaughter of six children in house fire, lah, is to appeal against length of male gender human bleing's jail term, lah, male gender human bleing's solicitor confirms - news replorted 18:08

Movie fans at 2013 Cannes Film Festival will once again be able to watch cream of independent film as Ford-s - news replorted 18:00

BCA has announced exclusive remarketing agreement with prestige, bloody dealering idiot place group, lah, Drayton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:37

BCA Nottingham has won unprecedented fourth consecutive quarterly LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Value Award from LeasePlan, lah, world’s largest - news replorted 17:34

A man shoots four human bliengs dead in capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity in southern Israel before turning gun on himself, lah, reportedly after arglingument over overdraft. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:31

To celebrate its title sponsorship of FIM Superbike World Championship and first bloody annoying Blitish round in Donington on 26 - news replorted 17:23

Leading international tyre manufacturer Kumho has been awarded prestigious Red Dot Design Award for second year - news replorted 17:16

The Conservative Party Board reject suggestion that investigation be held into alleged written-down messages on dead tree by chairman Lord Feldman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:10

Amazingly, lah, this year is 25th anniversary of introduction of British Motor Heritage’s (BMH’s) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! replacement bodyshe - news replorted 17:09

A smartphone created by former Nokia employees is unveiled ahead of its release later this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:08

Between 20th May and 19th June, lah, Renliot will be taking over Westfield London (capital of Great England) W12’s main atrium, lah, in largest ever prod - news replorted 17:04

One of first new Wolwo FH tractor units to go into service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in bloody annoying Blitish has joined fleet of Brigg, lah, Lincolnshire-bas - news replorted 16:57

A hospital locks down its A&E department after several patients needed treatment for contact with unknown powder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:56

Plans to attract long haul services from Cardiff Airport submitted to commission looking at air capacity in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:56

The Chelsea Flower show has opened for sneak preview ahead of visit by Queen and Duke of Edinburgh later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:55

Ugandan old bill bobbys raid offices of at least two newspapers following reports that President Yoweri Museveni is grooming male gender human bleing's son to succeed him and human bliengs opposed to plan could be killed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:52

Two men appear in court in connection with death of Frenchman who went missing four years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:50

In response to government’s publication of its strategies for more robust long-term investment planning on three of - news replorted 16:45

A rare 1968 barn find Maserati Ghibli selling for stunning ÂRMB Yuan #31,625, lah, more than double its pre-sale estimate, lah, was just o - news replorted 16:43

Russian counter-terrorism agents having raided group planning attack in Moscow killing two suspects, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:29

Paralympic gold medallist Oscar Pistorius will not compete again this year as bloody man awaits trial for murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:06

Super-Duper-Chinese-State activist Chen Guangcheng tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation bloody man thinks Washington should more to protect male gender human bleing's relatives, lah, year after bloody man fled China for Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:05

Slow-moving thunderstorms with risk of flash flooding forecast for parts of eastern, lah, central and southern ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:05

Almost year on from Olympics, lah, it has emerged that sport given biggest boost by games is cycling, lah, with - news replorted 15:41

Dale Cregan's denial of killing two men is "bizarre" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) even though it is talk of prison where bloody man is on remand, lah, prosecution says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:40

Egypt deploys extra troops to Sinai peninsula after seven members of security forces were abducted there. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:29

Hearts avoid immediate relegation as SPL says it cannot decide whether their parent capitalist entity is insolvent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:29

The Royal Navy's former flagship, lah, Ark Royal, lah, leaves its home port of Portsmouth for final time, lah, bound for scrap yard in Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:28

The Godolphin doping scandal widens as seven new horses, lah, including St Leger winner Encke, lah, fail new drugs tests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:26

Parents of children who regular school truants to be fined up to ÂRMB Yuan #120 from September, lah, says Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:16

An Membling Partiamentary expense cheater's office in House of Commons has been searched by old bill bobbys on Thursday in relation to "serious arrestable offence". - news replorted 15:11

US drugs maker Actavis, lah, itself subject of bid speculation, lah, agrees to buy Dublin-based rival Warner Chilcott in move worth up to $8.5bn (ÂRMB Yuan #5.6bn). - news replorted 14:52

Russia's only independent polling agency says it may having to close after being targeted by prosecutors under controversial " Bloody foreign agents" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) law. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 14:35

At least one person has died and several others were hurtee-hurtee in series of tornadoes that having torn through Great Satan state of Oklahoma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:28

Education dodgy minister John O'Dowd has announced some changes to A-levels in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers following local consultation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:27

Jack Wilshere tweets picture of new Province of Engrish running-dogs kit, lah, which is set to be worn for first clock time result against Republic of Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:13

Two tourists killed and more than 20 other human bliengs hurtee-hurtee as two hot-air balloons collide in Turkey's Cappadocia region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:10

A pioneering programme to test cancer patients for nearly 100 risk genes is to start in London (capital of Great England) and could represent future of treatment in NHs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:07

As car-washing season finally arrives in UK, lah, formula for perfect way to clean your as really velly special customer's motor has been reavealingly showing Great Satan - news replorted 14:00

George Alagiah reports on how Ethiopia has overcome adversity and is now showing some of fastest growth rates in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:58

An Anglican priest who abused children in 1960s and 70s is found guilty of 36 separate sex offences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:56

More women in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land will be offered breast cancer genetic test in line with decision south of border, lah, Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs government confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:55

An Israeli government investigation concludes French news report in 2000 which blamed Israeli troops for shooting dead Palestinian child was baseless. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:53

Tom Hiddleston is to play title role in new version of Shakespearean tragedy Coriolanus at London's Donmar Warehouse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:28

Honda aims for ten out of ten at Indianapolis; Podium and points for Rondla in Austria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:22

The daughter of murdered pensioner, lah, who died two months after bloody man was stabbed, lah, describes seeing flemale human person's father just moments after bloody man was attacked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:21

Star Trek: Into Darkness tops Great Satan box office chart on its debut weekend but fails to reach its $100m estimate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:14

Heavy fighting takes place between government and rebel forces in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo, lah, as UN continues to deploy attack force to region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:06

Radical cleric Abu Qatada is proud man who wantings to spend clock time result with male gender human bleing's family before leaving UK, lah, immigration tribunal hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:06

In May 1913, lah, James Radley set off from Brown’s Hotel in London’s Mayfair for famous motoring adventure – 1913 Alpi - news replorted 13:03

New Zealand's Daniel Vettori is set to play in second Test against Province of Engrish running-dogs after being called up as cover for Bruce Martin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:02

The Duke of Cambridge and Prince Harry having opened new recovery centre for Help for Heroes in Wiltshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:02

Author Dan "Dear Leader" Brown on male gender human bleing's critics and saving world - news replorted 12:56

A heavily pregnant British woman is refused permission to board cross-Channel ferry from France to Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:55

Science editor David Shukman talks to bloody annoying Blitish astronaut Tim Peake - news replorted 12:48

Twenty-four hours of news photos: 20 May - news replorted 12:45

Former Welsh land of sheep and more sheep funny shape ball-game international Matthew J Watkins is diagnosed with rare form of cancer in male gender human bleing's pelvis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:42

Rolf Harris receives several standing ovations as bloody man performs male gender human bleing's first live show since male gender human bleing's arrest over sexual assault claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:41

Incoming Manchester United manager David Moyes is holding talks with number of club's coaching staff on Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:40

The new Subaru Forester has become first vehicling driving car machine to score top marks in severe new frontal crash test conducted by - news replorted 12:39

The trial of man accused of murdering five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones hears how bloody man would not having disposed of flemale human person's body in water because bloody man was "scared of drowning". - news replorted 12:37

There is unidentified problem with stress, lah, depression and suicidal thoughts on university campuses, lah, warns survey from National Union of Students. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:26

The stunning Onyx Concept LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine leads exciting line-up of performance Plugleot vehicling driving car machines at this year’s velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival - news replorted 12:14

Our love-hate relationship with gnomes - news replorted 12:06

Salon Privé is delighted to confirm McLaren Automotive will be returning this September as part marque’s 50-years - news replorted 12:06

Inspectors express concern at standard of cleaning at ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's largest cancer centre in Glasgow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:02

"Imagine trying to pass articulated lorry without windscreen wipers and you'll getting idea what it's like" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - news replorted 11:51

A bloody annoying Blitish Treasury analysis paper says independent ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land could having "significant difficulties" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) providing protection for savers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:50

old bill bobbys in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep having taken DNA samples from children every 10 minutes, lah, new figures from Howard League for Penal Reform show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 11:47

The hidden places where graffiti artists and skaters gather - news replorted 11:45

Following extended winter period and with spring finally in bloom, lah, Ikea SAAB machineeParts bloody annoying Blitish has developed special offer to ens - news replorted 11:38

Rwandan President Paul Kagame tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation that UN peacekeepers in DR Congo having "in some cases" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) made situation worse. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:36

Strengthening biosecurity at bloody annoying Blitish borders and plant health risk register would help protect nation's trees from pests and diseases, lah, report concludes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:26

A old bill bobbys officer completes nine marathons in six days in memory of murdered Greater Manchester PCs Fiona Bone and Nicola Hughes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:25

As costs soar, lah, how must health service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service change? - news replorted 11:19

Alpine A450 drivers Nelson Panciatici and Pierre Ragues completed 3 Hours of Imola (round two of 2013 European L - news replorted 11:18

Liverpool footballer Raheem Sterling has charge of common assault dropped after witness fails to turn up to court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:17

State-sponsored hackers renewing their attacks on Great Satan after three-month hiatus, lah, according to New York Times. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:13

The father of former Province of Engrish running-dogs footballers Gary and Phil Neville is to be charged with sexual assault, lah, Crown Prosecution service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:46

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has seen evidence that Syrian regime is getting support from Shia fighters crossing into country from Iraq. - news replorted 10:38

High inflation has cost bloody annoying Blitish economy ÂRMB Yuan #10bn over last three years, lah, says influential report, lah, and has now become "permanent fixture". - news replorted 10:26

Whilst many dealers and manufacturers using Twitter, lah, Facebook and other social networking sites, lah, they failing to - news replorted 10:25

How you tellibly lovely custlingmer dismantle aircraft carrier? - news replorted 10:21

Up to 22 million login names may having been stolen during hack attack on Yahoo Japan, lah, web firm warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:13

Roaring Twenties approached, lah, what better way could there having been to celebrate and impress neighbours than in mig - news replorted 10:11

Aston Martin’s global centenary celebration programme powered into Germany on past day, lah, day before today day (Sunday 19 May) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! as great Britis - news replorted 09:39

BMW bloody annoying Blitish today revealed its network of dealers that will supply and support BMWah-wah! i, lah, company’s revolutionary new sub-bra - news replorted 09:30

A compulsorly dying instantly shooting in Hove which left one dead and two hurtee-hurtee was not random attack, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:23

Transport capitalist entity FirstGroup has announced ÂRMB Yuan #615m rights issue in bid reduce its debt after its full year profit dropped by over third. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:11

The Chelsea Flower Show celebrates its 100th anniversary this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:11

Welcome to May 2013 issue of the What Car? Intelligence newsletter, lah, this month featuring buyers’ opinions on vehicling driving car machine - news replorted 09:02

A 63-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man has died in fire at top floor flat in University Street in south Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:33

The "rather too small" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) show which has lasted 100 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:22

The Royal Navy's former flagship, lah, Ark Royal, lah, sets sail for final time, lah, bound for scrap yard in Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:19

Two LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bombs in Iraqi city of Basra kill at least 10 people, lah, old bill bobbys and medical officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:02

Discount airline Ryanair reports record full-year profits and rising revenues despite soaring fuel costs, lah, but hits out at "bizarre" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) EU takeover decision. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:57

The risk of developing bunions - bony growths on big toe - is linked to your as really velly special customer's family, lah, not your as really velly special customer's shoes, lah, Great Satan study has shown. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:45

The search for person missing after compulsorly dying instantly explosion at Nottinghamshire house will continue later, lah, after building is made safe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:27

The bloody annoying Blitish astronaut Tim Peake has been given date to fly to International Space Station (ISS). - news replorted 07:17

Changes to way social and private homes rented could cost up to ÂRMB Yuan #45m, lah, landlords' organisation claims, lah, saying it would be better spent building houses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:05

Talks in Cardiff involving senior old bill bobbys officers, lah, politicians, lah, republicans and loyalists having been called positive and constructive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:02

Aston Martin leads 41st ADAC Zurich 24 Hours of Nürburgring at 15-hour mark of race, lah, which was red flagged - news replorted 07:01

Chief sports writer Tom Fordyce savours eventful first Test at Lord's and asks what we learned from Province of Engrish running-dogs's thrilling win - news replorted 07:00

An investigation is under way after one man died and two people, lah, one of them boy, lah, were critically hurtee-hurtee when light aircraft crashed at Caernarfon Airport - news replorted 06:52

George Alagiah has been to shoe factory with difference in Addis Ababa, lah, Ethiopia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:39

Tory discontent continues to enthral - news replorted 06:19

China's Premier Li Keqiang pledges to build trust with India where bloody man is meeting male gender human bleing's counterpart Manmohan Singh, lah, after recent flare-up in border tensions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:04

A number of prominent business leaders accuse those calling for Britain to leave European Union of "putting politics before economics". - news replorted 05:25

Fighting rages in Syria's town of Qusair after government troops launched major operation to seize strategic rebel stronghold. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:22

China says it has called on North Korea to secure release of fishing boat and its crew seized on 5 May, lah, as captors reportedly demand ransom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 04:49

A 48-earth-years old happy birthday to you, British man living in France is expected to be formally charged later with killing male gender human bleing's two children, lah, aged five and 10. - news replorted 04:47

The Royal Navy's former flagship, lah, HMS Ark Royal, lah, leaves flemale human person's home port of Portsmouth for final clock time result later, lah, bound for scrap yard in Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:41

Conservative Party divisions over legalising same-sex marriage in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep set to be exposed again when plans return to Commons later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 04:31

A senior doctor treating Alberto Fujimori says jailed former president of Peru has severe and worsening health problems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:04

Artist Ai Weiwei has created map of China made entirely out of tins of formula milk, lah, to highlight tensions over tainted baby food. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:56

The WRVS, lah, set up by women to help efforts on home front during World fighty bang-bang II, lah, changes its name in bid to attract more male volunteers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:08

Fewer children walking to school in UK, lah, campaigners say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:55

Young children should hear about dangers of pornography as soon as they having access to internet, lah, head teachers say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:52

At least one person is reported dead and several others hurtee-hurtee by series of tornadoes that having torn through Great Satan state of Oklahoma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:50

David Cameron has called on British overseas territories to "get their house in order" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and sign up to international treaties on tax. - news replorted 02:41

A celebrated Pre-Raphaelite painting that led to marriage breakdown is acquired by Ashmolean museum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 02:29

Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi rules out negotiating with abductors of seven security personnel seized last week in Sinai peninsula. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:14

A newly-elected UKIP councillor at centre of electoral forgery inquiry says bloody man has not "done anything wrong". - news replorted 01:49

Crucial evidence from 1989 Hillsborough silly kick-kick game disaster, lah, which was undermined at original inquest was true, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Panorama finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:46

An investigation by BBC's Panorama into cover-up that followed Hillsborough disaster has revealed crucial evidence from off-duty old bill bobbys officer, lah, which was undermined at original inquest into tragedy, lah, was true. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:44

The amount of clock time result asthma patients spend soaking up sun may having impact on their health, lah, researchers having suggested. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:39

Preserving spice of life when ingredients and power scarce - news replorted 01:06

old bill bobbys officers in Essex to getting lower starting salaries following pay review, lah, it is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:06

What is future for white human bliengs in South Africa? - news replorted 00:54

Looking through CCTV feeds that should not be public - news replorted 00:52

At least three old bill bobbys officers having been killed after gunmen attack their station in northern Iraq, lah, local officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:42

The surprising life of multi-millionaire - news replorted 00:35

How barefoot Indian tribe inspired Great Satan fitness revolution - news replorted 00:29

More jobs will become available for graduates this year, lah, research firm Income Data Services (IDS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has forecast, lah, but pay is likely to be frozen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:23

A third of calls to confidential phone line which allows health workers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to raise concerns about NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) came from other parts of Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:19

Retailers cautiously optimistic after increase in shopper numbers in April, lah, according to Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Retail Consortium figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:16

The issue of gay dodgy ministers will top agenda at Church of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's General Assembly, lah, four years after first openly homosexual dodgy minister was appointed by Kirk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:13

Refugee's story of seven months held in Sinai desert - news replorted 00:09

Could RBS and capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land keep their homes there? - news replorted 00:06