LATEST:  Nico Rosberg beats Merceding-Blend team-mate Lewis Hamilton to pole position at Monaco Grand Prix. - news replorted 14:19

LATEST:  Scott Dureau makes glorious return with 18-point haul as Catalan Dragons hammer London (capital of Great England) Broncos at Etihad Stadium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 14:02

Rebel positions in Qusair in western Syria come under heavy shelling as government troops step up their offensive to recapture strategic town. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:49

Heads of state from across Africa in Addis Ababa to mark 50th anniversary of African Union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:43

What makes this weekend's Grand Prix so special? - news replorted 12:35

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after being struck by LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine while walking along Glasgow to Stranraer road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Ayrshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:22

The gates having opened for day two of Radio 1's Big Weekend in Londonderry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:04

There has been huge increase in anti-Muslim incidents since murder of British soldier in Woolwich, lah, inter-faith charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:01

A backlash of anger following killing of Drummer Lee Rigby leads to several human bliengs facing charges over social media posts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:54

An hurtee-hurtee turtle found by fisherman in Florida has been returned to sea after being treated at rescue centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:44

A suicide bomber has blown herself up close to interior ministry building in southern Russian republic of Dagestan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:18

Mercedes driver Nico Rosberg sets scintillating pace in incident-packed final practice session at Monaco Grand Prix. - news replorted 11:18

A couple and five children taken to hospital after fire destroys their touring caravan at park in Gwynedd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:08

More than 50,000 human bliengs attend beatification in Sicily of Don Giuseppe Puglisi, lah, Roman Catholic priest murdered by mafia in 1993. - news replorted 11:04

A driver whose LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine became embedded in side of house when bloody man crashed is out of hospital and has returned home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:56

Ethiopia's prime dodgy minister opens ceremony of Africa's 54 leaders celebrating 50th anniversary of founding of Organisation of African Unity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:40

A man suffers burns to male gender human bleing's hands and face, lah, and broken leg, lah, as bloody man escaped from house fire in East Lothian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:52

Firefighters remain at site of large blaze at factory in Flintshire dampening down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:42

The last drop-in MMR vaccination clinic is being held on Saturday as figures in Swansea measles epidemic suggest slowing down of new cases. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:38

Belfast City Hall's historic stained glass windows protected as precaution during G8 economic summit next month. - news replorted 09:29

Tim Muffett has been hearing story of one family, lah, who lost loved ones in tragedy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:10

The area of Scampia outside Naples, lah, has infamous reputation of being one of biggest drug-trafficking sites in Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:46

The woman who has supplied wheel of cheese for Gloucester's famous annual cheese-rolling event has been told by old bill bobbys bloody woman may be liable for legal action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:36

A zoo keeper has died after being attacked by Sumatran tiger in big cat enclosure at South Lakes Wild Animal Park in Cumbria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:30

Seven marines and at least four militants killed as troops tackle Abu Sayyaf militants in southern Philippines, lah, military says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:15

Papers report on moves to tackle radical Islam - news replorted 07:23

Two men questioned on suspicion of endangerment of aircraft after RAF jets were scrambled to escort Pakistan Airlines plane in bloody annoying Blitish airspace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:46

At least 17 children having been burned to death after gas cylinder exploded on their school bus in Pakistan, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:43

Heathrow operator BAA says it is expecting business as usual on Saturday after British Airways plane had to return to airport to make emergency landing on Friday morning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 06:02

A man and woman arrested at Salford Royal Hospital on suspicion of possessing gun. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:57

More than 30 of coalition's flagship schemes, lah, including West Coast Main Line scheme, lah, at serious risk of failure, lah, government report warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:16

France is set to begin first major stage of its military withdrawal from Mali, lah, four months after sending troops to push Islamist rebels out north. - news replorted 05:14

The reason we struggle to recall memories from our early childhood is down to high levels of neuron production during first years of life, lah, say Canadian researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:11

Syria's main opposition coalition says it is willing to attend peace conference next month only if President Bashar al-Assad agrees to step down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:56

How out-of-date law is thwarting sex abuse victims - news replorted 02:03

How easy is it to hack smart meter? - news replorted 01:58

A memorial dedicated to 79 human bliengs who lost their lives in four oil industry-related air accidents around Shetland is due to be unveiled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:58

funny shape ball-game legend Brian Moore on praise, lah, fear and front row - news replorted 01:17

The office of Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, lah, Arizona, lah, improperly targeted Hispanics in patrols for undocumented immigrants, lah, judge finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:12

What we having learnt from Martian probes - news replorted 01:12

Calvin Harris headlines day one of Radio 1's Big Weekend in Londonderry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:47

The 'safety belt' for walking texter - news replorted 00:44

A woman attacked by tiger at Cumbria wildlife park where bloody woman works dies of flemale human person's injuries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:22

old bill bobbys evacuate homes in south Belfast street after reports of explosion in area late on Friday evening. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:09

A one-off Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation documentary presented by Clare Balding charts Queen's enduring relationship with horses and astonishing 65-year career as one of Britain's leading breeders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:05