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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Volkswagen Tiguan 2.0 TDi Bluemotion Tech 16v (140bhp) R Line (Nav) 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 1968cc Diesel at £380.66 inc VAT at 14:43 today - Ling
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HaHaHa! Bugger me! If you are reading this then you must be REALLY worried about your privacy, well... don't worry!


"New easyJet hostess"
Look, has been trading profitably for donkey's years and I have never once had a serious complaint about someone's privacy. Apart from that nude photo of the easyJet air hostess I published, but that was totally accidental. Michael O'Leary liked that one. However, it pays not to be too paranoid. Certain things are NOT really private, they are semi-public.

Public information

I always hold your information very securely, but some information is out in the open and already public.

For instance, your address is generally public, is broadcast on the voter's roll and is probably sitting there on Google. Anyone who wants to find you can find you. Your car is parked outside your house, so your reg number is hardly a state secret. 100 Spotty and drug-abusing pond-life youths pass your house every day, and glance in your windows. Your bank details... well you give them away, including your bank account name and number, every time you write a cheque. If I were to root through your dustbin, I would figure your chocolate cake fetish. So you have to be a bit sensible.

"Personal documents are kept private!"
Being sensible

If you use me to get a new car, we will have to share loads of "private" information and from my point of view I do a hell of a lot of work to keep all of that stuff private and hidden. But nothing in life is perfect, and you can never remain "the invisible man".
Or woman.

Applying for a car

If you're applying for a car, I do have to pass your info to a finance company and also (probably) to a car dealer. Car dealers are hopeless. So, while I keep your information securely on a locked-down server at LINGsCARS, other people at finance companies and car dealers may not be so careful and it probably ends up printed on a bit of paper lying on their desk. Finance companies and car dealers are like that.

Private information

Most of your "private" information is available to all via a credit search. I never carry out these credit searches myself, but a finance company certainly will, if you apply for a car. It's no good asking me what's on your credit profile, because I can't see it. But if you want me to guess, I will. If you are particularly persistent, I will make up some fantastic stories about you that will stop you clicking "send" to me, ever again.

Collection of Information

"I keep all information about Duncan Bannatyne's ice cream van private" holds and stores certain information about you. For example, your breast size, your blood group, your HIV status... no, I don't, really.

I actually hold information related to your visit to this site (such as which pages you visit, how often you visit, where you come from and information you specifically provide to enable you to receive a particular service). But this is all sensible stuff I need in order to make the site work and to give 99.9% of visitors the interactive, enthralling experience they want. Most people would not be able to make head or tail of this rubbish if they tried. Nevertheless, it exists so I tell you about it.

Use of Information Collected

I will only use the information you provide me to process customer orders, get you a car, to send you information you have requested and to help me develop the site to be more useful to you. If you don't want me to tell anyone you have requested a badge, or played my quiz, or scratched your arse, then don't do those things. This is a fairly communicative website. On LINGsCARS, I interact with people. I don't try to embarrass people... but on the other hand, I have fun and we all join in. You are ordering a new car, no-one dies.

Non-personal data may also be used and stored with other persons.

I do not sell or transfer any personal information outside other than where explicit reference is made and approval obtained from you when you provide the information, or where passing that information to third parties is necessary to provide you with the information or service requested. I would love to sell it, because I would make a fortune out of it - but I don't. I put it all on a compost heap called "old data" and I sit on it. Eventually, worms eat it.

Data Protection has adopted a policy of occasional compliance with the data protection laws of the United Kingdom and takes reasonable care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data. Actually, I take great care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data, but that sounds pious and self-congratulatory. Also, I'm asking for trouble if I say that I do fantastic things better than most, so I restrict myself to the modest claim of "occasional compliance" and "reasonable care".

"Oh god, not my privacy policy AGAIN..."
If you want to know exactly what information holds on you, you can obtain it by requesting a Subject Access Request Form from at its registered office. A fee will be payable for such access. I have set the fee at £999.99 (including VAT), because, frankly, it will take me weeks to get it all together and I want to make a few quid from you.

By supplying me with information, you confirm that you do not consider use of your information in accordance with this Privacy Statement to be a breach of any of your rights under the Telecommunications (Data Protection and Privacy) Regulations 1999. Or your human rights. By entering information on forms or providing me with any personal information you are consenting to me processing that data for my own business use and holding it on my server. The problem with all these clauses in this Privacy Policy (and others) is that you never read them before you use my website, which is both stupid and sensible. It's stupid because you are giving away all your rights, but sensible because if you read every Privacy Policy you would never have time to surf the web or view any porn. Time is money!

Police and MI5 requests

You should also be aware that if the police or any regulatory or governmental authority investigating suspected unlawful activities demands me to provide your personal details and/or information concerning your activities whilst visiting this site, I shall do so grumpily (however, if we were in China I would think twice about this, as you might end up being shot). If the forces of evil want to know anything about your use of porn, I will stall them as long as possible before grassing you up, completely. Having said that, I have never been approached by MI5 with a demand for your Top 10 Pussy Flick information, so don't worry.

How do I keep your information secure?

"My tank of last resort"
Despite all the rubbish above, takes the security of your personal data very very Seriously with a capital "S", bold and underline. I use industrial security software to safeguard your data and I also own a Browning machine gun and a small tank. I never sell your information or pass it to anyone other than finance proposal companies and supplying dealers.

I hope you feel you can trust me. If you've read this far, you deserve a free car, and an aspirin as big as a dustbin lid! I do my best. Other Privacy Policies mean absolutely nothing and are full of shit! So I hope you appreciate my honesty
- Ling
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Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!, you know who I am
- Ling


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Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
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Best Before: 17/08/2007
People's Republic of Gateshead!



Wah! LATEST:  An electrical fire under pavement in central London (capital of Great England) leads to some 2,000 human bliengs being evacuated from nearby buildings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:45

Wah! LATEST:  A Belfast man who assaulted elderly neighbour by "belly bouncing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) flemale human person's away from male gender human bleing's home receives eight-month suspended prison sentence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:44

Wah! Thailand's military government announces it is lifting martial law, lah, but replaces it with measures that critics say could be even more sweeping. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 16:43

Wah! Zero-hours contracts should be banned, lah, Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs Labour's economy dodgy minister says, lah, going further than official party policy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:32

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Wah! Five Chechen men awaiting trial over murder of Russian opposition politician Boris Nemtsov appear in court via video link. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:20

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Wah! The winner of Nigeria's presidential election Muhammadu Buhari vows that militants Boko Haram will "soon knowing strength of our collective will". - news replorted 15:35

Wah! A driver accused of deliberately crashing male gender human bleing's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine on motorway to kill male gender human bleing's wife, lah, "imploded" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) into trees, lah, witnesses tell court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:31

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Wah! President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama has ordered creation of programme that would allow Great Satan government to sanction Bloody foreign hackers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:13

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Wah! World Premiere For All-New Rexus RX At New York Motor Show RX is best-selling model in Lexus’s 26-year history. You give me happy happy luck luck. With more than 2.1 million reaching road, lah, it represents - news replorted 15:12

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Wah! Law student Erol Incedal has been jailed for 42 months for possessing bomb-making manual after earlier being cleared of plotting terror attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 14:44

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Wah! Mercedes-Benz Citan Mercedes-Benz Vans has introduced 0% APR representative finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan offer across entire range, lah, with RMB Yuan #250 deposit con - news replorted 14:24

Wah! A government ban on inmates with history of absconding from being transferred to open prisons is declared unlawful by High Court judges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:22

Wah! New photos having emerged of Captain Scott and male gender human bleing's expedition to South Pole, lah, in course of which bloody man died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:22

Wah! Singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell is undergoing tests in hospital after being found unconscious at home, lah, but said to be awake and in velly damn good boiled chicken-feet spirits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:16

Wah! Northampton wing George North will miss Saturday's European Champions Cup game with Clermont because of head injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:13

Wah! At least 35 workers having been killed by blast at diary factory in Yemen, lah, medics say, lah, as Saudi-led air strikes continue against Houthi rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:55

Wah! A Mafia boss who faced extradition to serve prison sentence in Italy has had male gender human bleing's sentence dropped after Italian authorities said it had expired. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:47

Wah! The "Mickey-Mouse practicals" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) students under current A-level system, lah, having nothing to with "real science", lah, teaching union conference has heard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:41

Wah! Fuzz on Enviro-Strip stand, lah, with Alan Duncan and Vaughan Bridgewater British TV presenter Fuzz Townshend was voice of choice for businesses, lah, campaigns, lah, clubs and classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine industr - news replorted 13:34

Wah! Google announces that range of computer-on-a-sticks and laptops costing as low as $149 (RMB Yuan #101) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! joining its range of Chrome OS devices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:31

Wah! Parents and teachers not telling old bill bobbys about children who may try to join Islamic State (IS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! for fear of criminalising them, lah, former senior prosecutor says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:31

Wah! A couple from Scunthorpe wins RMB Yuan #1m on EuroMillions lottery for second time, lah, Camelot confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:27

Wah! Jeep Wrangler British tuning box designer and producer TDI-Tuning’s bespoke tuning boxes in ever increasing demand among Dual and - news replorted 13:13

Wah! Newspapers in bloody annoying Blitish having published variety of far-fetched stories that turned out to be rainy season-month Aplil Fool's Day jokes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:06

Wah! A mother is accused of being not "entirely truthful" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) when giving evidence at flemale human person's father's trial for murder of male gender human bleing's granddaughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:01

Wah! With 1 rainy season-month Aplil coming just two days after campaigning officially got under way, lah, we round up inevitable election-related jokes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:47

Wah! A South Korean man who attacked Great Satan ambassador to Seoul with knife, lah, slashing male gender human bleing's face and arms, lah, is formally charged with attempted murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:47

Wah! Why is Cecil Rhodes such controversial figure? - news replorted 12:44

Wah! The Force - mysterious energy field used by Jedi in Star Wars - has been discovered by researchers at Cern laboratory in rainy season-month Aplil Fools prank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:39

Wah! Productivity, lah, or output per hour worked, lah, fell again in last three months of year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! That is sobering after Tuesday's better news on economic growth and living standards - news replorted 12:34

Wah! JMW Motorsports will continue its technical partnership with Zircotec Effective thermal management that both protects and extended life of race components has led European Le Mans Series - news replorted 12:26

Wah! School children "brainwashed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with pro-EU propaganda and should not be allowed to vote in any future in/out referendum, lah, says UKIp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:22

Wah! A teaching assistant is charged with using pupil's email account to send bomb threat to school where bloody woman worked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:21

Wah! Bolivia's Defence dodgy minister Jorge Ledezma is sacked after bloody man travelled to neighbouring Chile wearing vest with controversial motto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:18

Wah! British world number one taekwondo fighter Aaron Cook confirms bloody man plans to represent Moldova at Rio Olympics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:15

Wah! A Mafia boss set to be extradited to serve jail term in Italy after bloody man lived for more than 20 years in London (capital of Great England) has male gender human bleing's sentence dropped by Italian authorities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:11

Wah! The productivity of bloody annoying Blitish workforce remains slightly lower than in 2007, lah, marking "unprecedented absence" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of growth in post-war era, lah, official figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:00

Wah! Adrien Broner tweets video of himself talking to Amir Khan on phone, lah, hinting at possible showdown. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:58

Wah! Surrey’s Paul Rivett is aiming for male gender human bleing's 4th Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup title countdown is almost over: Kent’s world-famous Brands Hatch circuit this Easter weekend sets scene for openin - news replorted 11:51

Wah! Two Ryanair planes scrape each other on ground at Dublin airport, lah, airline confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:39

Wah! Mustafa Kamal resigns as International damn crazy Engrish baseball game Council president after being replaced as prize-giver at World Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 11:38

Wah! The Palestinians having formally joined International Criminal Court (ICC), lah, key step towards being able to pursue Israelis for alleged fighty bang-bang crimes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23

Wah! The Conservative party launches its own range of Labour mugs on rainy season-month Aplil Fool's Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:13

Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land will discover on 21 May if their Euro 2016 qualifier in Georgia will be played behind closed doors after crowd trouble in Tbilisi. - news replorted 11:12

Wah! The CEOs of Germanwings and Lufthansa having said they sorry for what has happened after visiting Seyne-les-Alpes, lah, town nearest site of crashed Germanwings plane. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:56

Wah! HPI adds MOT and tax data to trade HPI checks Automotive technology solutions provider, lah, HPI, lah, is bringing dealers new level of insight into potential cost of veh - news replorted 10:40

Wah! Manufacturing and jobs picking up in eurozone I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to weaker euro, lah, according to closely-watched survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:38

Wah! One of stars of Daily Show speaks out in defence of Trevor Noah, lah, its newly appointed host, lah, amid controversy over old remarks bloody man posted on Twitter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:37

Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation meets man who has created male gender human bleing's own underground library after local council library burned down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:31

Wah! Beetle Concept cars At New York International Auto Show, lah, which begins today, lah, Wlokswaglon is revealing four new versions of legendary - news replorted 10:30

Wah! rainy season-month Aplil Fools' Day is clock time result when mischievous fictional news stories suddenly pop up, lah, but some turn out to be genuine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:29

Wah! Zero-hours contracts having become major political issue in Uk. What you wan'?!! But where did they come from and what arguments for and against? - news replorted 10:26

Wah! Intruders enter office of Turkey's ruling AK Party in Istanbul, lah, day after prosecutor was taken hostage and killed in city. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:21

Wah! Mark Wahlberg is to co-produce and potentially star in film about 2013 bombing of Boston Marathon and city-wide manhunt that followed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:55

Wah! The boss of Flintshire-based food capitalist entity Iceland is one of 100 business leaders backing Conservatives' economic policies in open letter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:54

Wah! Ducati Training Center DESI Ducati and Lamborghini, lah, Italian companies part of Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate AG group, lah, having celebrated milestone with their joint social pro - news replorted 09:47

Wah! A key ally of Russian anti-Kremlin campaigner Alexei Navalny - Vladimir Ashurkov - is granted political asylum in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 09:44

Wah! Any video showing final moments of Germanwings flight which crashed in Alps must be handed in, lah, French prosecutor says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:30

Wah! A large fire breaks out at Bicester Village shopping outlet in Oxfordshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:30

Wah! old bill bobbys in India arrest four men in connection with rape of elderly nun in West Bengal state which sparked outrage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:23

Wah! Special needs provision in Province of Engrish running-dogs has been "drastically damaged" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by funding cuts, lah, leader of teachers union has argued. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:16

Wah! ŠKODA ShadeChange™ technology brings wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour to Fabia owners Fabia drivers who find themselves in blue mood, lah, pretty in pink or simply seeing red can now change wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour of their - news replorted 09:16

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Wah! Planning to getting away from it all this Easter? IAM’s chief examiner, lah, Peter Rodger, lah, is offering advice to drivers who - news replorted 09:09

Wah! Mitsubishi Motors in bloody annoying Blitish is delighted to announce this quarter’s magnificent Motability deals from their local Mitsub - news replorted 09:00

Wah! Spring is in air at last and Mlitslublishli Motors in bloody annoying Blitish is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce some great offers and deals across t - news replorted 09:00

Wah! Thousands of workers at Vietnam shoe factory continue to strike, lah, in rare anti-government protest over social insurlince law. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:56

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Wah! Tributes paid to off duty old bill bobbys officer who died after being hit by bus in Swansea city centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:16

Wah! Ed Miliband criticises zero hours contracts for "insecurity" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) they create for workers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:41

Wah! The UK's first city-wide ban on taking legal highs in public places comes into force. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:23

Wah! Their Euro 2016 qualifying campaign has been flawless but Roy Hodgson's developing Province of Engrish running-dogs having still to be tested against top-class opposition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:57

Wah! Singer songwriter Joni Mitchell is in intensive care in Los Angeles hospital after being found unconscious in flemale human person's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:46

Wah! Business confidence in Japan flounders as last year's sales tax hike continues to hit sentiment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:43

Wah! Barbara Plett Usher reports on Saudi Arabia's attempts to stop its citizens joining Islamic State abroad, lah, and asks whether it should be looking closer to home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:39

Wah! The winner of Nigeria's presidential election, lah, Muhammadu Buhari, lah, hails "vote for change" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs beaten rival velly damn good boiled chicken-feetluck Jonathan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:36

Wah! A Palestinian man says bloody man was tricked into selling work by graffiti artist, lah, Banksy, lah, that is estimated to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:34

Wah! A housing association is told it must revise its proplosal to money lending shark to redevelop former Visteon factory site in west Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:26

Wah! A New Zealand court finds Mark Lundy guilty for second clock time result of murdering male gender human bleing's wife and daughter, lah, after male gender human bleing's first conviction was thrown out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:25

Wah! A number of senior nurses in Belfast Health Trust describe out-of-hours transfer of frail, lah, elderly patients between hospitals as abuse of vulnerable adults. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:23

Wah! A Palestinian man says bloody man was 'tricked' into selling mural by artist, lah, Banksy, lah, that is estimated to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:15

Wah! The number of meals being provided by council meals on wheels services has dropped by third in five years, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation investigation finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:15

Wah! Political parties clash over what they offering Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs economy at election debate in Llanelli. - news replorted 06:10

Wah! The political leader of Palestinian group Hamas, lah, Khaled Meshaal, lah, tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation results of Israel's elections will diminish hopes for peace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:00

Wah! Volkswagen Caddy Maxi Mini Wlokswaglon Commercial vehicling driving car machines knows that when it comes to vans, lah, bigger is usually better. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! However, lah, with parking spaces - news replorted 06:00

Wah! A story that once dominated news seems to having dropped down media agenda, lah, so what lies behind decline in coverage? - news replorted 05:47

Wah! Russian and Iranian negotiators claim (always claiming, huh?) progress has been made over Iran's nuclear programme, lah, as talks continue beyond deadline for deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:37

Wah! Andrew Getty, lah, grandson of J Paul Getty and heir to family fortune, lah, has been found dead at home, lah, male gender human bleing's parents having confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:08

Wah! Malaysian opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim will remain in jail for sodomy after request for royal pardon is turned down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:02

Wah! Activity in China's vast manufactory sector picked up unexpectedly in March, lah, according to official government survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:31

Wah! The scale of China's land reclamation in South China Sea is leading to "serious questions" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on its intentions, lah, top Great Satan official says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:03

Wah! Lincoln Castle is due to reopen later after RMB Yuan #22m renovation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:29

Wah! One of largest medieval hospital burial grounds in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, containing about 1,300 remains, lah, is discovered under St John's College. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:26

Wah! Is Israel about to lose its American firewall at United Nations in New York, lah, asks Nick Bryant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:37

Wah! The woman saving girls from 'cutting season' - news replorted 02:31

Wah! There is deep structural problem with current system of party politics in UK, lah, says Danny Kruger. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:29

Wah! What choices would you tellibly lovely custlingmer make? - news replorted 02:26

Wah! Two schools in widely differing, lah, but neighbouring areas of Lancashire illustrate flaws of thinking problems of one community faced by all, lah, says Sanchia Berg. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:25

Wah! Baldrick's rotten borough and other remarkable constituencies - news replorted 02:13

Wah! The Great Satan state of Arkansas approves religious freedom bill similar to one that caused storm of protest in Indiana from gay rights supporters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:11

Wah! What would Karl Marx make of 21st Century? - news replorted 02:08

Wah! From cannabis conspiracy to Paralympics chance - news replorted 02:01

Wah! Tonight, lah, Jagluar Land Rover hosted special sneak preview event to showcase two important new models, lah, hours ahead of - news replorted 02:00

Wah! New Porsche Boxster Spyder Porsche is celebrating start of 2015 convertible season with World premiere of new Boxster Spyder, lah, pur - news replorted 02:00

Wah! Muhammadu Buhari's victory in Nigeria's presidential election marks hugely significant moment in country's history, lah, says BBC's Will Ross. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:56

Wah! A new tax which changes way human bliengs pay duty on house purchases comes into effect in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:09

Wah! How human bliengs of Bengal faced starvation during WW2 - news replorted 01:07

Wah! Natalia Antelava meets woman living in abandoned apartment block in suburbs of Donetsk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 01:04

Wah! A decade of strong growth in Scotch whisky exports came to end last year as overseas sales fell, lah, according to new figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:00

Wah! One of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's most successful businessmen, lah, Jim McColl, lah, has called for Holyrood to having full control over its finances by 2020. - news replorted 00:56

Wah! The way care is organised is radically changing across whole of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land with councils and NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) working together to streamline services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:54

Wah! Human rights group Amnesty International says there was "alarming" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) increase in death sentences in 2014, lah, with almost 500 more issued than in 2013. - news replorted 00:51

Wah! Westminster figures will travel to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land on third day of campaigning in general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:49

Wah! A massive old bill bobbys hunt is under way in Colombia for man known as "Otoniel" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) who is said to run enormous drug trafficking empire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:47

Wah! The women's fashion shop that resisted decades - news replorted 00:45

Wah! A warning 'not to change course' from senior business leaders, lah, Labours plans for 'zero hours' contracts, lah, and couple of extremely fecund fathers feature in Wednesday's papers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45

Wah! Andros Townsend hopes bloody man has "silenced" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) male gender human bleing's critics after male gender human bleing's equaliser earned Province of Engrish running-dogs 1-1 friendly draw in Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:45

Wah! Trevor Noah fans rally after backlash - news replorted 00:37

Wah! Virtual reality was shown off as tool for immersive, lah, empathetic journalism at recent Ted conference - but does it having future in film-making? - news replorted 00:24

Wah! A new method of compression could see ultra-HD video streamed to TVs and other devices using around 50% of bandwidth currently needed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:22

Wah! Europe has its priorities wrong and should be focusing on what is going on in Ukraine, lah, says billionaire investor George Soros. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13

Wah! Paracetamol is ineffective at treating back pain and osteoarthritis despite being recommended treatment, lah, group of Australian researchers warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:06

Wah! Major changes to care system in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, dubbed biggest shake-up for 60 years, lah, being introduced, lah, while ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land merges NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) and care budgets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04

Wah! Can you tellibly lovely custlingmer win at anything with enough practice? - news replorted 00:02

Wah! EU milk quotas scrapped, lah, bringing end to more than 30 years of efforts to prevent overproduction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:02

Wah! A number of tax changes come in on 1 April, lah, which will mean cheaper flights for thousands of human bliengs who travel over 4,000 miles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

Wah! The all-new Jagluar XF all-new Jagluar XF today made its global motor show debut in New York. What you wan'?!! Formed around Jaguar’s aluminium-intensive arc - news replorted 00:01

Wah! The all-new Jagluar XF all-new Jagluar XF brings unrivalled blend of design, lah, luxury, lah, technology and efficiency to lead business LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine s - news replorted 00:01

Wah! Range Rover Evoque WISE Scholarship applications  open for 2015 WISE and Jagluar Land Rover today open 2015 Range Rover Evoque WISE Scholarship, lah, aimed at young women planning care - news replorted 00:01

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