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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Citroen C4 Cactus 1.2 i PureTech 12v (110bhp) Feel Hatchback 5dr 1199cc Petrol at £212.39 inc VAT at 08:43 yesterday - Ling
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PRIVACY POLICY
LINGsCARS.com LTD Privacy Policy

HaHaHa! Bugger me! If you are reading this then you must be REALLY worried about your privacy, well... don't worry!

Overview


"New easyJet hostess"
Look, LINGsCARS.com has been trading profitably for donkey's years and I have never once had a serious complaint about someone's privacy. Apart from that nude photo of the easyJet air hostess I published, but that was totally accidental. Michael O'Leary liked that one. However, it pays not to be too paranoid. Certain things are NOT really private, they are semi-public.

Public information

I always hold your information very securely, but some information is out in the open and already public.

For instance, your address is generally public, is broadcast on the voter's roll and is probably sitting there on Google. Anyone who wants to find you can find you. Your car is parked outside your house, so your reg number is hardly a state secret. 100 Spotty and drug-abusing pond-life youths pass your house every day, and glance in your windows. Your bank details... well you give them away, including your bank account name and number, every time you write a cheque. If I were to root through your dustbin, I would figure your chocolate cake fetish. So you have to be a bit sensible.


"Personal documents are kept private!"
Being sensible

If you use me to get a new car, we will have to share loads of "private" information and from my point of view I do a hell of a lot of work to keep all of that stuff private and hidden. But nothing in life is perfect, and you can never remain "the invisible man".
Or woman.

Applying for a car

If you're applying for a car, I do have to pass your info to a finance company and also (probably) to a car dealer. Car dealers are hopeless. So, while I keep your information securely on a locked-down server at LINGsCARS, other people at finance companies and car dealers may not be so careful and it probably ends up printed on a bit of paper lying on their desk. Finance companies and car dealers are like that.

Private information

Most of your "private" information is available to all via a credit search. I never carry out these credit searches myself, but a finance company certainly will, if you apply for a car. It's no good asking me what's on your credit profile, because I can't see it. But if you want me to guess, I will. If you are particularly persistent, I will make up some fantastic stories about you that will stop you clicking "send" to me, ever again.

Collection of Information


"I keep all information about Duncan Bannatyne's ice cream van private"
LINGsCARS.com holds and stores certain information about you. For example, your breast size, your blood group, your HIV status... no, I don't, really.

I actually hold information related to your visit to this site (such as which pages you visit, how often you visit, where you come from and information you specifically provide to enable you to receive a particular service). But this is all sensible stuff I need in order to make the site work and to give 99.9% of visitors the interactive, enthralling experience they want. Most people would not be able to make head or tail of this rubbish if they tried. Nevertheless, it exists so I tell you about it.

Use of Information Collected

I will only use the information you provide me to process customer orders, get you a car, to send you information you have requested and to help me develop the site to be more useful to you. If you don't want me to tell anyone you have requested a badge, or played my quiz, or scratched your arse, then don't do those things. This is a fairly communicative website. On LINGsCARS, I interact with people. I don't try to embarrass people... but on the other hand, I have fun and we all join in. You are ordering a new car, no-one dies.

Non-personal data may also be used and stored with other persons.

I do not sell or transfer any personal information outside LINGsCARS.com other than where explicit reference is made and approval obtained from you when you provide the information, or where passing that information to third parties is necessary to provide you with the information or service requested. I would love to sell it, because I would make a fortune out of it - but I don't. I put it all on a compost heap called "old data" and I sit on it. Eventually, worms eat it.

Data Protection

LINGsCARS.com has adopted a policy of occasional compliance with the data protection laws of the United Kingdom and takes reasonable care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data. Actually, I take great care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data, but that sounds pious and self-congratulatory. Also, I'm asking for trouble if I say that I do fantastic things better than most, so I restrict myself to the modest claim of "occasional compliance" and "reasonable care".


"Oh god, not my privacy policy AGAIN..."
If you want to know exactly what information LINGsCARS.com holds on you, you can obtain it by requesting a Subject Access Request Form from LINGsCARS.com at its registered office. A fee will be payable for such access. I have set the fee at £999.99 (including VAT), because, frankly, it will take me weeks to get it all together and I want to make a few quid from you.

By supplying me with information, you confirm that you do not consider use of your information in accordance with this Privacy Statement to be a breach of any of your rights under the Telecommunications (Data Protection and Privacy) Regulations 1999. Or your human rights. By entering information on forms or providing me with any personal information you are consenting to me processing that data for my own business use and holding it on my server. The problem with all these clauses in this Privacy Policy (and others) is that you never read them before you use my website, which is both stupid and sensible. It's stupid because you are giving away all your rights, but sensible because if you read every Privacy Policy you would never have time to surf the web or view any porn. Time is money!

Police and MI5 requests

You should also be aware that if the police or any regulatory or governmental authority investigating suspected unlawful activities demands me to provide your personal details and/or information concerning your activities whilst visiting this site, I shall do so grumpily (however, if we were in China I would think twice about this, as you might end up being shot). If the forces of evil want to know anything about your use of porn, I will stall them as long as possible before grassing you up, completely. Having said that, I have never been approached by MI5 with a demand for your Top 10 Pussy Flick information, so don't worry.

How do I keep your information secure?


"My tank of last resort"
Despite all the rubbish above, LINGsCARS.com takes the security of your personal data very very Seriously with a capital "S", bold and underline. I use industrial security software to safeguard your data and I also own a Browning machine gun and a small tank. I never sell your information or pass it to anyone other than finance proposal companies and supplying dealers.

I hope you feel you can trust me. If you've read this far, you deserve a free car, and an aspirin as big as a dustbin lid! I do my best. Other Privacy Policies mean absolutely nothing and are full of shit! So I hope you appreciate my honesty
- Ling





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Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  British banks may having to hold more funds to guard against risk of future economic downturn - news replorted 14:34



Wah! LATEST:  An 82-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is jailed for life for murdering male gender human bleing's partner and flemale human person's daughter who bloody man shot at close range at male gender human bleing's puppy farm in Surrey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:34



Wah! Entertainer Rolf Harris loses first round of legal challenge against male gender human bleing's conviction for indecent assaults. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! All new government policies in Province of Engrish running-dogs now having to undergo test to check whether they help families. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:59



Wah! A woman who was caught on CCTV dragging man in wheelchair behind flemale human person's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine is handed two-year driving ban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:42



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs head coach Stuart Lancaster says Sam Burgess's "mental toughness" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) can lead him to success in funny shape ball-game union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:40



Wah! Burkina Faso's President Blaise Compaore announces bloody man has resigned, lah, following violent protests at male gender human bleing's attempt to extend male gender human bleing's 27-year rule. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! UN chief Ban Ki-moon says discrimination against humanitarian workers who return home from Ebola crisis in West Africa is "unacceptable". - news replorted 13:31



Wah! Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho confirms striker Diego Costa will be available for Saturday's Premier League game with QPr. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:30



Wah! This year's Halloween is warmest on record in UK, lah, with temperatures reaching as high as 23.5C, lah, breaking previous record of 20c. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Manchester City's David Silva will miss Manchester derby and could be out for three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) with knee injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Crocodile farming in Zimbabwe is expensive, lah, niche business, lah, as BBC's Brian Hungwe finds out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:23



Wah! Mazda Motor Corporation remains on course for another record year after reporting exceptional first half. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 13:00



Wah! Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger admits bloody man is concerned by male gender human bleing's players' using of social media site Twitter, lah, plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:52



Wah! The DUP says it intends to bring controversial welfare reform issue 'to head" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) before Christmas if it is not resolved in current talks process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:29



Wah! The funeral is held for actor who was face of Father Christmas in famous Coca-Cola advertising campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:28



Wah! Citroën awarded GreenFleet City LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Manufacturer of Year Citroën has been honoured with two key GreenFleet awards, lah, which recognise both company’s expanding range of efficien - news replorted 12:28



Wah! A breeder in China's Chendgu province was trying to give these two baby pandas medicine instead of their usual bamboo leaves- and they were having none of it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:23



Wah! A team has developed micro-sized rockets, lah, powered by seawater, lah, that can neutralise chemical and biological weapons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Wallace & Gromit Anti-Pesto Van, lah, Beaulieu's On Screen Cars Wallace and Gromit Anti-Pesto Van is latest exhibit to arrive in Beaulieu’s On Screen Cars display. You give me happy happy luck luck. plasticin - news replorted 12:08



Wah! A musical version of hit 2002 British comedy film Bend It Like Beckham is to open in West End next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:07



Wah! P01 Festive Fill-Up By Richard Wheatland BEN, lah, automotive industry charity, lah, takes great pride in offering wide selection of automotive themed Christmas gree - news replorted 12:07



Wah! Over RMB Yuan #3k raised in new BEN Challenge Event – Wing Walking Five supporters of BEN, lah, automotive industry charity, lah, flew high in skies as they took on challenge of Wing Wa - news replorted 12:06



Wah! Delays in getting ambulance to alleged murder victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) in Wrexham being investigated by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs Ambulance Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:02



Wah! A long-term vision is set out for Prestwick Airport - year after it was taken into public ownership amid fears it could close. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! At least eight human bliengs die in explosion at major bus station in Gombe state in north-eastern Nigeria, lah, witnesses tell BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 11:57



Wah! Ross Brawn at Royal Automobile Club Motoring Forum Ross Brawn OBE, lah, legend in contemporary motor racing, lah, admitted on Thursday that 1904 machine barely capable of sust - news replorted 11:44



Wah! Chris Everitt with male gender human bleing's Mlitslublishli Outlander PHEV capitalist entity that installs charging points for electric vehicling driving car machines has bought Mlitslublishli Outlander PHEV so that it can prac - news replorted 11:41



Wah! A year after last Remploy factory closed, lah, Nikki Fox looks at what has happened to former workers - and what options available to them - news replorted 11:35



Wah! Russia's central capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity raises interest rates to 9.5% from 8%, lah, much bigger rise than expected, lah, as it seeks to combat inflation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:32



Wah! Tracker urges LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine owners not to compromise on security protection Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Watchdog (30th Octoblinger 2014) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has yet again put spotlight on shocking risk of keyless LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine theft, lah, as technolog - news replorted 11:32



Wah! Software firm Drupal warns millions to "assume" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) they having been hacked if they having not applied patch for recently discovered bug. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:30



Wah! Drivers indifferent to changing tax disc rules More than half of motorists (61%) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! having not bothered to remove their paper tax disc from their windscreen month after t - news replorted 11:27



Wah! Infiniti Centre Newcastle Opening UK’s tenth Infiniti Centre was officially opened in Newcastle-upon-Tyne last night, lah, giving discerning North East mot - news replorted 11:21



Wah! Government dodgy ministers seek advice as "a matter of urgency" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from auditors who blocked RMB Yuan #330,000 pay-off for Wales' highest paid council chief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! As 2014 World Superbike and World Supersport championships head to their respective conclusions this weekend at - news replorted 11:18



Wah! Three men who challenged their special extended sentences for preparing terrorism offences lose their appeals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:17



Wah! A man who killed teenage girl by hanging flemale human person's at male gender human bleing's parents' house loses male gender human bleing's appeal against male gender human bleing's whole-life sentence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! A mayor in south of France bans clown disguises for month, lah, starting on Halloween, lah, after several violent incidents involving teenagers dressed as clowns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:08



Wah! Counting begins in election of new old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) Commissioner for South Yorkshire, lah, following resignation of Shaun Wright. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:04



Wah! The 2014 Klia Sportage - now available on Klia Rental Launching at 12 dealerships across UK, lah, Klia Motors bloody annoying Blitish Ltd., lah, is now able to offer flexible rental solution to both r - news replorted 10:54



Wah! A Great Satan judge rules long-running arglingument between Marvin Gaye's family, lah, Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams over claim (always claiming, huh?) of plagiarism should go to trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! RallyFest at Chirk Castle FIA World Rally Championship roars back into Chirk Castle for another family-friendly RallyFest on Saturday 15 Novem - news replorted 10:40



Wah! Popular teaching practices "harmful to students' learning". - news replorted 10:26



Wah! A hammer-wielding robber takes ceremonial chains of mayor of Bury in violent attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:19



Wah! The Industry is behind licensing says IMI Almost 90% of professionals working in automotive retail sector agree that some form of licence to practise is neede - news replorted 10:16



Wah! A old bill bobbys chief will face internal charge of gross misconduct after allegation of inappropriate behaviour towards women. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:15



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish Government has said that it will 'retire' RMB Yuan #218m of UK's RMB Yuan #2bn First World fighty bang-bang debt by refinancing bonds issued in 1917. It is first payment of its kind for 67 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:07



Wah! ŠKODA vehicling driving car machine range Czech manufacturer ŠKODA remains on right track and continues to show profitable growth. In first nine month - news replorted 10:01



Wah! Actors Dame Judi Dench, lah, Emma Watson and Robert Downey Junior among stars honoured at Britannia Awards hosted by Bafta in La. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:57



Wah! It has been 60 years since animated adaptation of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' - first British animation film. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:44



Wah! Firefighters across Province of Engrish running-dogs to start four-day strike later in row over pensions during one of service's busiest weekends of year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:42



Wah! A recent survey by Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has found more than two-thirds (68 per cent) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of those who c - news replorted 09:40



Wah! Tickets for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sports Personality of Year 2014 in Glasgow go on sale on Friday 31 Octoblinger at 09:00 GMt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:32



Wah! Two human bliengs having died after LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash near Wrexham on Thursday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! The Japanese dance group using wearable technology to lighten up their act. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:12



Wah! Wheeler, bloody dealering idiot place Lamborghini with Mike and Edd Motoring fans having voted Lamborghini Urraco as number one restoration completed by Wheeler Dealers Mike Brewer - news replorted 09:11



Wah! Hungary shelves proposed tax on internet data traffic after tens of thousands of Hungarians marched against it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:08



Wah! A bus capitalist entity run by two Rangers directors says it has safeguarded jobs at another bus firm which is understood to having ceased trading. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:43



Wah! Two children whose father was on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 which disappeared file lawsuit against airline and Malaysia's government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:40



Wah! Steven Gerrard says bloody man could join another club next summer if Liverpool not offer him new contract. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:27



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Click looks at some of week's technology highlights. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Labour party is now seeking both new leader and new deputy leader following resignation of Anas Sarwar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:11



Wah! Stars of Invictus Games take centre stage Four stars of British Invictus Games team will take centre stage in London (capital of Great England) on Saturday 8 Novemblinger as they line up i - news replorted 08:00



Wah! In honour of Halloween, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at some of 2014's more 'horrifying' moments, lah, including shocks, lah, slips, lah, trips and unexpected. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:53



Wah! RBS will retain control of Ulster capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity and says it has velly damn good boiled chicken-feet market position that can deliver attractive returns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:49



Wah! A Japanese savoury snacks manufacturer is creating 100 new jobs at Deeside Enterprise Zone, lah, opening its first factory in Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has set aside RMB Yuan #400m to cover costs into possible manipulation of Bloody foreign exchange market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:12



Wah! Burkina Faso's President Blaise Compaore says bloody man will stay in power for year under transitional government, lah, following day of violent protests demanding male gender human bleing's resignation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:07



Wah! Liverpool's miraculous turnaround in 2005 Champions League final has been voted as your as really velly special customer's #BBCDreamTicket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:06



Wah! The main body providing apprenticeships in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep is warning that budget cuts by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government will having "massively de-stabilising effect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on such programmes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:04



Wah! Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:57



Wah! Unmanned aircraft having been seen flying over many of France's nuclear stations and authorities don' knowing where they having come from. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! Lewis Hamilton on turning up pressure in male gender human bleing's title fight with Nico Rosberg and buzz of being back in America. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:40



Wah! A controlled explosion is carried out in Lurgan after discovery of suspicious package in fast food restaurant. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:33



Wah! The BBC's Anne Soy reports from Ghana, lah, where health care workers in one hospital serving Liberian refugees having had to using rain coats instead of proper protective gear against Ebola. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:32



Wah! Michelin Pub Guide 2015 Michelin Eating Out In Pubs Guide 2015 will be available in bookshops from Friday 31st Octoblinger 2014, lah, priced at RMB Yuan #13.9 - news replorted 06:30



Wah! The Wild Rabbit, lah, Michelin Eating Out in Pubs 2015 Pub of Year We delighted to announce that PUB OF YEAR in 2015 edition of Michelin Eating Out In Pubs Guide is Th - news replorted 06:30



Wah! More children who having talked about killing themselves contacting ChildLine for help, lah, counselling service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! One person remains missing after major blaze in Stafford fireworks factory that also leaves two human bliengs needing hospital treatment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:35



Wah! Bloody foreign dodgy minister Julie Bishop says bloody woman is committed to "normalising" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) relations between Australia and Fiji after nation's elections last month. - news replorted 04:23



Wah! The coastguard station at Brixham in Devon is closing later in shake-up of rescue services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:15



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama calls for "inclusive and credible" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) election process when Myanmar hold elections next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:38



Wah! Investment capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Citigroup puts aside extra $600m to cover legal expenses due to "rapidly evolving regulatory inquiries". - news replorted 02:43



Wah! Ramon Jimenez, lah, Philippines' tourism secretary, lah, says drop in numbers from China is not major concern because of growing visits from other countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:42



Wah! Officials with Doctors Without Borders having warned that some mandatory Great Satan state Ebola quarantines having "chilling effect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on operations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:36



Wah! Victims' groups expected to tell child abuse inquiry officials that Fiona Woolf should step down as its head as concerns about flemale human person's suitability persist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:35



Wah! It's Halloween and nowhere is it celebrated more than in Us. Eating rice!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Pop Up team went behind scenes at one of America's scariest haunted houses in Baton Rouge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:30



Wah! The first Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Paranormal Festival, lah, weekend celebrating UFOs, lah, ghosts and aliens, lah, is under way in Stirling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:18



Wah! The father of botanist from Argyll who went missing in Vietnam year ago asks anyone with any inflomination to come forward. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:16



Wah! How former Remploy workers struggle to find work - news replorted 02:13



Wah! Asian shares were trading higher on Friday after positive economic data from Great Satan showed strength in world's largest economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:08



Wah! A skin-eating fungus threatens salamanders and newts across Europe, lah, and probably arrived on pet amphibians imported from Asia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:00



Wah! Israel promises to reopen key Jerusalem holy site after closing it following shooting of Jewish activist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! A farmer who was fined last year for unlawfully slaughtering animals is fined again after dead cattle found on male gender human bleing's land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:40



Wah! Is moving house nightmare or life affirming? - news replorted 01:34



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government is not doing enough to tackle "petty corruption" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in countries to which it gives aid, lah, report by scrutiny body says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! As peace talks between Colombian government and Farc rebels enter their third year, lah, Vanessa Buschschluter asks what peaceful Colombia would look like. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:19



Wah! It has been one year since TV cameras started rolling in Court of Appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! But what has happened since? Legal Correspondent Clive Coleman investigates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:18



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish has signed up to limited strategic military action in Iraq against Islamic State - and there questions over its ability to much more, lah, says Jonathan Marcus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:12



Wah! Technology developed during World fighty bang-bang Two is to be used as back-up for GPS in ports across Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:10



Wah! The health workers volunteering to fight Ebola - news replorted 01:05



Wah! How Timothy Spall created 400 artworks for male gender human bleing's latest film - news replorted 00:59



Wah! Ofsted is in urgent need of independent review in light of concerns about its objectivity and reliability, lah, say local government leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! Tony Abbott comes under more pressure for not sending health workers to Africa to help fight Ebola after Great Satan offers to care for any who getting sick. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:57



Wah! A poll suggesting Labour "wipeout" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, continuing threat from Ebola and future of abuse inquiry chief make headlines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! Teachers who try to encourage low-achieving students with lots of praise could harm their learning, lah, claim (always claiming, huh?) research into classroom tactics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:46



Wah! Genetic factors could play important role in whether human bliengs survive or die from Ebola virus, lah, say Great Satan scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:36



Wah! Can Apple design guru Jony Ive turn smartwatch into hit? - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A look around new lab at Pirbright Institute in Surrey, lah, where world’s most contagious livestock viruses will be kept. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Alcohol should having calorie content label in order (piece of paper signee upee) to reduce obesity, lah, according to public health doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Laurie velly damn good boiled chicken-feete's fleeting role as Stormtrooper in Star Wars 38 years ago still has impact on male gender human bleing's life today - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Tips for disability-friendly Halloween - news replorted 00:07



Wah! The Magazine's weekly quiz of news, lah, 7 days 7 questions. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! A young fashion designer from London (capital of Great England) has decided to mark Remembrance Day by creating special "poppy hijab" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Muslim women. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:02



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