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LATEST: President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is expected to defend Great Satan drone strikes and promise more transparency over programme, lah, in major counter-terrorism speech. - news replorted 13:09
LATEST: Four more weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) until Le Mans 24 Hours celebrates its 90th anniversary. You give me happy happy luck luck. Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate has set standards with its ultra-lightw - news replorted 13:09
Over 60,000 measles vaccinations having now been given during outbreak in Swansea and Powys but another 33,000 human bliengs still need it, lah, say health officials. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:08
The Royal Automobile Club in partnership with Historic Endurance Rallying Organisation is to re-create 1000 Mile - news replorted 13:04
For Audi, lah, success must not come at any cost, lah, particularly where environment is concerned, lah, so at recent Annual Ge - news replorted 12:53
Vauxhall scooped two awards at prestigious Fleet World Honours 2013, lah, retaining Best MPV award for Zafira Tou - news replorted 12:37
A violin thought to be one played by band leader of Titanic as it sank is proved to be genuine following CT scans at hospital, lah, auctioneer says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:28
A Bangladesh government report into collapse of multi-storey factory building, lah, which killed more than 1,100, lah, uncovers series of violations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:28
Shameless star David Threlfall is to play comedian Tommy Cooper in new drama commissioned by ITV. - news replorted 12:27
Former Iranian President Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani accuses country's leadership of ignorance after bloody man is barred from running for office, lah, say reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:19
Record numbers flocked to this year’s Spring Autojumble, lah, held in Beaulieu parkland on 18th and 19th May, lah, making - news replorted 12:19
A man accused of murdering Thomas Sharkey and male gender human bleing's two children in house fire allegedly told male gender human bleing's boss that father "got what bloody man deserved". - news replorted 12:18
Pop sensation Saturdays having taken shining to funky styling of Citroën’s DS3 Cabrio in new music video for - news replorted 12:14
One of Britain's most influential World fighty bang-bang II spies was arrested in Madrid for cross-dressing, lah, files released by National Archives show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:04
A fourth night of unprecedented riots in Stockholm sees unrest spread around city, lah, with restaurant and up to 40 cars burnt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:53
Georges Moustaki, lah, French singer and composer who wrote Edith Piaf's 1958 hit song, lah, Milord, lah, dies aged 79. - news replorted 11:52
Since its launch in rainy season-month Aplil 2011, lah, Plugleot 508 has established itself as much respected car, lah, notably within fleet - news replorted 11:43
A chain of mobile phone stores aimed specifically at Latino market is to be opened by singer and actress Jennifer Lopez - news replorted 11:34
Former Stoke manager Tony Pulis writes garbling written down on paper message to fans in local newspaper and urges them to support male gender human bleing's successor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:32
Mark Easton on when death came to normal suburban street - news replorted 11:30
Stephen Fry will curate this year's Deloitte Ignite festival at Royal Opera House exploring work of Giuseppe Verdi and Richard Wagner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:27
Google has acquired Great Satan start-up that generates power using turbines flying on robotic tethered kites. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:27
Citroën has just delivered 437 C1 VTR models to G4S Utility Services, lah, UK’s largest supplier of data collection and m - news replorted 11:21
The government is not 'keeping track' of old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) Commissioners' salaries and standards, lah, Commons home affairs committee warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:20
Ford is leveraging hugely popular 2013 UEFA Champions League Final silly kick-kick game match on Saturday to give first flavou - news replorted 11:20
The Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government announces end of its intervention in running of Anglesey council. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:19
Sergio Garcia's major sponsor condemns Spaniard's writing from head of customler about Tiger Woods and will review its position. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:12
US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama honours "living legend" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Carole King as bloody man presents flemale human person's with Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:07
Road safety charity IAM is offering weekly motoring tips from Britain’s top advanced driver, lah, Peter Rodger. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:06
In need of inspiration for your as really velly special customer's Suzluko mad Dad this Father’s Day? How about something from new 2013 Suzluko clothing - news replorted 10:58
Five men arrested after child tells of being sexually assaulted at children's nursery in Worcestershire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:45
Mercedes driver Nico Rosberg heads Ferrari's Fernando Alonso in first practice at Monaco Grand Prix. - news replorted 10:43
A Florida man who was shot and killed by Boston bombing investigators was about to confess to 2011 triple murder before bloody man died, lah, FBI officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:38
Space engineers in Ecuador trying to establish if country's only satellite has been destroyed in crash with space debris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:37
The UK's economy grew at 0.3% in first three months of year, lah, official figures confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:18
The airline Flybe announces sale of all its take-off and landing slots at Gatwick airport to Easyjet, lah, raising concerns about links to Inverness. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:11
Third favourite Telescope, lah, co-owned by Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, is ruled out of Epsom Derby with sore left shin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:10
A number of human bliengs wounded in bomb attacks in north-western Niger on military camp and French-run uranium mine, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:07
Some Hollywood glitz and glamour were sprinkled onto corner of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep recently, lah, when Nissling handed over bloody velly special - news replorted 10:00
Mothercare recorded another big loss for last financial year, lah, but said it was making velly damn good boiled chicken-feet progress with its turnaround plan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:32
A Cheltenham man is charged over allegations racist tweets were sent to Clarke Carlisle and another Northampton Town footballer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:32
Continental has won coveted award from UK's no1 weekly selling LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine magazine, lah, Auto Express, lah, scooping ‘Best Winter T - news replorted 09:30
A major new report from 25 wildlife organisations, lah, assessing state of Britain's Nature, lah, is warning that many species of wildlife facing extinction in bloody annoying Blitish unless urgent action is taken. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:21
Global stock markets fall after weak Super-Duper-Chinese-State economic data and concerns that Great Satan Federal Reserve may scale back monetary stimulus efforts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:04
Constable's masterpiece Salisbury Cathedral from Meadows is bought by Tate for "bargain" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) �RMB Yuan #23.1m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:02
The stars and Jagluar cars entered into Mille Miglia 2013 all feature in new short film now available to watch - news replorted 09:00
IMF chief Christine Lagarde arrives at Paris court for questioning over payout to tycoon when bloody woman was French finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:40
Installation is under way of expanded monitoring system for Iceland's volcanoes, lah, which it is hoped will give world more warning of next big eruption. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:39
Is NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) going to blow gasket? - news replorted 08:28
A book about Christopher Marlowe written entirely in verse makes shortlist for sixth Desmond Elliott Prize for best debut novel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:22
The sister of IRA victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) is to meet SDLP leader later over male gender human bleing's party's decision to block bill that would prevent former prisoners, lah, guilty of serious offences, lah, from becoming Stormont special advisors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:16
Nissan says it plans to recall about 841,000 vehicling driving car machines worldwide, lah, 133,869 of them in UK, lah, due to faulty steering wheel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:14
A two-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy has surgery on male gender human bleing's face after bloody man was attacked by family dog near Carlisle, lah, Cumbria old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:02
Did capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs cry wolf? - news replorted 07:53
Some of boxing's big names make their predictions for Saturday's world title fight between Carl Froch and Mikkel Kessler - news replorted 07:52
Airline Flybe drops its flights from Belfast to London (capital of Great England) as it quits its Gatwick hub. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 07:37
A memorial to human bliengs who died in World fighty bang-bang II air raid in Bournemouth 70 years ago is being unveiled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:30
The theft of Great Satan intellectual property is "unprecedented" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and costing billions, lah, Great Satan report says, lah, pointing to China as main culprit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:25
A bomb planted in rickshaw has killed at least 12 human bliengs in Quetta in south west Pakistan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:14
Radical NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) changes that could see A&E unit downgraded at south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep hospital not guaranteed to go ahead, lah, health watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:01
A man accused of murdering five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones and then spinning "web of lies" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to cover it up is due to continue being cross-examined later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:39
The first and deputy first dodgy ministers expected to release their shared future strategy paper for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:22
10 great villains modelled on Machiavelli - news replorted 06:13
Papers contemplate Woolwich attack - news replorted 06:12
An 80-year old Japanese man has reached summit of Mount Everest, lah, becoming oldest person to scale world's highest peak. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 06:04
old bill bobbys cordons having been removed for first clock time result since Tornado in Oklahoma allowing families to return to their homes and survey damage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:56
A growing number of children being sexually abused by other children, lah, say charities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:43
David Cameron cuts short Bloody foreign trip and returns to London (capital of Great England) to lead government response to suspected terror attack near Woolwich Barrracks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:31
Firefighters in North Lanarkshire dismantle 20ft chimney stack, lah, brick by brick, lah, to rescue boy, lah, 14, lah, who got wedged inside. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:17
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon begins trip to Democratic Republic of Congo as fighting continues near eastern city of Goma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 04:58
Archaeologists in Mexico find 4,926 cave paintings in red, lah, yellow, lah, black and white in north-eastern region of Burgos. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:44
King Edward VIII was bugged by government at height of 1936 abdication crisis, lah, files released by National Archives show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 04:28
A way of creating more effective vaccines which could protect against broad range of influenzingler achoo achoo viruses has been reported by Great Satan researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:13
The story of how historic bloody annoying Blitish sites were saved for wider public viewing - news replorted 04:11
Ford Motor says it will shut all its Australian manufacturing plants by Octoblinger 2016, lah, after more than 85 years making cars in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:02
Why has bloody annoying Blitish risen in global public affections in past year? - news replorted 03:18
Wartime archives reavealingly showing Great Satan secret plans to kill Rommel - news replorted 03:07
Wartime talks between Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin went slowly until drinking session lasting until 3am, lah, newly released files reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 02:57
The lives of male masseurs of Mumbai - news replorted 02:33
Family doctors not prepared to shore up emergency health care system left unsafe by "political meddling", lah, GP leader is to warn in speech. - news replorted 02:31
A Great Satan couple who reject medicine in favour of faith healing charged with murder in their infant son's death, lah, four years after another son's death. - news replorted 02:10
Health unions say state of NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) services for human bliengs who can't getting to GP in many parts of Province of Engrish running-dogs is "lamentable". - news replorted 02:09
Why Afghan children learning art of skateboarding - news replorted 02:02
Tuition fees in Province of Engrish running-dogs could be limited to �RMB Yuan #6,000 per year and remain cost-neutral to universities and Treasury, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:01
Has world's caffeine habit spun out of control? - news replorted 01:58
More children may drown without better school swimming provision, lah, Amateur Swimming Association (ASA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has warned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:33
A handbag collection created using stomach lining of Highland cow has been designed by Edinburgh student. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:14
About 14,000 public sector employees having taken voluntary redundancy or early retirement in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land in past two years at cost of about �RMB Yuan #550m, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:13
Reporting of historic child abuse has "significantly increased" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) since Jimmy Savile investigation, lah, Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:12
Why so many new firms love awards - news replorted 01:09
Micro-blogging site Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) says it is bringing in two-step login for users to beef up security following recent high-profile breaches. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:02
Is it possible to kick-start science? - news replorted 00:29
A poll in 25 countries for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation World service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service suggests Germany is most favourably viewed country in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:26
Amnesty International accuses governments of using state sovereignty as "excuse" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for failing to intervene in emergencies such as in Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:25
The body of renowned Nigerian author Chinua Achebe arrives back in male gender human bleing's home country for male gender human bleing's funeral. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:12
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