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CAR LEASING
Want a cheap
new lease car?

Start HERE!


Cheapest Car Leasing CHAT
My Customer Letters!
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Note: I live inside this website Monday to Friday 9am-6pm, to give you the very best service and make your experience a happy one! - I am Ling, accept no substitutes
Car LeasingCar Leasing
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Version 237.1.
You can trust me! ... In 2014 I'll rent over £75 million of cars (at RRP)!
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CAR LEASING - CONTRACT HIRE - CHEAP LEASE CARS

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About Ling! My Location Dragons' Den Viz Business Ambassador Awards HAT Award NatWest BT Award Ling Speaking Live CCTV Blog LingTube Work Mantra Ling's Racing Day Education FT Bans Me My Charity Ling Image Bank Amnesty Portrait Lingux Ling Environmental Policy Ling and Seth Godin Your Link on my Website Electric Cars on Dragons Den How to Create a Googlejack! BVRLA ignore code of conduct!

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Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

UK WARNING: Customers reporting many other internet prices hiding true lease costs! Beware dodgy companies selling high initial rental "6+" leases
Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
Food --->
Google Spider Food

View LIVE visitors: 21 online

 
Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Citroen C4 Grand Picasso 1.6 e-HDi Airdream 16v (90bhp) VTR ETG6 MPV (7-seat) 5dr 1560cc Diesel at £211.06 inc VAT at 10:04 on 25th Sep - Ling
Car Leasing Traffic Light
Awards!

My website and business have both won many awards, from the really great to the silly...

This shows that I am real and you can trust me. I am quite proud of all of these awards, even the smallest, daftest ones mean so much to me.

Thanks!

Winning, winning!!


SMARTA 100 Business Award
SMARTA 100 Award
SMARTA AWARD WINNER!
Ling Valentine

The Smarta 100 are the most exciting, promising, disruptive new businesses, the family businesses who remain the cornerstones of communities, the innovators ploughing their own furrows in staid or declining industries, the recession-busters making a mockery of the doom and gloom, the web wonders, the teenpreneurs, mumpreneurs, olderpreneuers and, er, just about anyone who's running a small business worth shouting about.

Smarta say: "Ling Valentine is a marketing wizard. She has one of the most visually full-on, brightly coloured, graffiti-effect-laden websites you've ever seen. Frankly, it looks like a total car crash - but that's precisely the point."





Honest John HAT Award

Daily Telegraph star and grumpiest motoring journalist in the UK says Ling is a "Highly Approved Trader".

Honest John says:
"Now, more than ever, motorists are trying to find people they can trust for their motoring needs, who will deliver good deals and decent service for a sensible price. That is why I have introduced my Highly Approved Trader (HAT) standard – to give motorists an easy means of finding the organisations that I think can be trusted."






NatWest EveryWoman IRIS Award


Fiona Bruce
BBC newsreader Fiona Brucie performs at the 2009 NatWest EveryWoman Awards.
In December 2009, I went down to London to collect my NatWest EveryWoman IRIS award, presented to me by Fiona Brucie!

This award is for using IT to advance communications in the industry, I am miles ahead of those dinosaur car dealers, they still rely on phoning all customers!!

I am honoured to be compared with brilliant women in business from across the country.





Entrepreneur of the Year



Employee nutter Lina Liang accepting my Entrepreneur award - I was in China!
At the end of 2006, I won the North-East Entrepreneur of the Year award, for Woman in Retail.

This was mired by controversy as the racist organisers airbrushed my chinese employee Lina out of the winners' photo. Terrible!!!! Sometimes, these organisations stink! I had to make a call to the chief exec of One North East (the sponsors) to get Lina's photo reinstated!

Previously, Dragon Den's grump Duncan Bannatyne has won the equivalent men's award!
...see the racist airbrushing!





Environmental Award




MEP Martin Callanan said some very nice things about my award!
In 2008, I won the UK Motor Industry "Best Non-Franchised Environmentalist" award, from Automotive Management.

I am very proud of this award, as the environment should be on the top of every business agenda.

MEP Martin Callanan said some very nice things about me! "Ling and her unique website LINGsCARS.com displays environmental information in a way that leads the UK motor industry. Following my discussions with her about greening the business, Ling has grasped the environmental nettle and is giving UK car buyers comprehensive environmental data on all new cars for sale in the UK to enable them to make an informed choice. LINGsCARS gives a fantastic amount of green information on her new cars, which the rest of the UK motor industry would do well to emulate. Using the internet is already the most energy efficient way of researching and buying a new car, so well done Ling for taking the personal responsibility to push this carbon data to the top of her agenda and to push environmental awareness a big step further"
...visit my Enviro-Policy page





Best Motor Industry Website



Held in massive hall in Birmingham!
In 2007, I won the UK Motor Industry "Best Non-Franchised Website" award, from Automotive Management.

I work so hard on my website, and to be singled out as the BEST unfranchised website in the whole UK car industry means a lot to me.

I was up against some massive competition. Perrys group won the Franchised award. Considering they had spent £100k+ on their website, for my hand-made LINGsCARS.com to beat everyone else made me very proud!





Best TV ad campaign

Fresh Awards give me first place!!!
In 2008, I won FIRST PLACE the FRESH AWARDS which recognise outstanding creativity and innovation outside the M25 in Creative, TV, Digital, Media and PR.

LINGsCARS.com "ImproPlug" is the winner of the 2008 TV Advertising Campaign category for outstanding innovation, originality and execution.

One of the ads was so good it got banned!

...see my TV ads and films!





FHM 100 Greatest Websites

FHM choose LINGsCARS!!
FHM magazine, the lads mag, have chosen LINGsCARS as one of their 100 Greatest Websites.

They say: "We said au revoir to Amazon, ejected eBay and renounced Napster as our experts hand-picked these hidden gems of the web just for you..."

About LINGsCARS, FHM say: "Fortune cookie philosophies and a feature equating your daily lease payment to the price of fags. Oh, and a free chow mein for ten readers a day." Of the estimated 80 million websites on the internet, 79,999,900 didn't make it onto this list.

It is great to be chosen above Amazon and eBay, so thanks to all the visitors who voted for me!





Top 10 Worst in the World!

Now I am in the bottom 10!
BLOGSTORM say: "If your website is on this list please don't be offended, although you may wish to consider a redesign.".

They go on (and on, hahaha): "Ling's Cars was featured recently on the BBC's Dragons Den program and really tries hard to provide a personal touch to her car leasing website. Unfortunately this means ignoring a few of the user friendly features on more conventional sites. Just try navigating round a few pages and you will see that the mass of information at the top isn't just on the homepage, its on all the pages."

Hey! That's changed, just in case you hadn't noticed, BLOGSTORM. I understand this list was tongue in cheek, but really, you should see some of the other, really boring car leasing websites out there!





lingscars.com
CLICK! See 246 clients live in LINGO!
Live!!
CLICK to VIEW!
Online Service
Response Times
Quote > Proposal > Order > Delivery
 
65 CLIENTS IN 'PROPOSAL'
...LING REPLIES IN:
  HRS : MINUTES sec  
 
181 CLIENTS IN 'ORDER'
...LING REPLIES IN:
  HRS : MINUTES sec  
Lingscars.com Limited (GB)
Customers use my secure LINGO management system.
Response times above based on last 4 hour period between
9am - 6pm, Mon to Fri
-Ling
WOW! UK's best service times!
No Waiting
lingscars.com
Hello, hello! This is me!
Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 663330
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 
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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Nemanja Matic scores first-half header as Chelsea beat Sporting Lisbon to go top of Champions League Group g. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 22:06



Wah! LATEST:  The first case of Ebola diagnosed on Great Satan soil is confirmed by medical officials in Dallas, lah, Texas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 22:04



Wah! A man is jailed for life for murdering male gender human bleing's partner, lah, who was pregnant with flemale human person's second child when bloody woman was stabbed to death. - news replorted 21:58



Wah! Kenny McLean's late penalty earns St Mirren unlikely point at Pittodrie as Aberdeen left to rue missed chances. Eating rice!! - news replorted 21:47



Wah! Manchester City still without win in Champions League Group E after Francesco Totti's goal gives Roma point. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 21:37



Wah! Crews from 10 fire engines tackle blaze at former Majestyk nightclub in Leeds city centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 21:32



Wah! A security guard from Greater Manchester who was shot dead by colleague in Iraq, lah, had described male gender human bleing's killer as "a bit dodgy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) night bloody man died, lah, inquest hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 21:19



Wah! The Great Satan state is first to pass legislation imposing ban on single-use plastic bags in grocery and convenience stores. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:54



Wah! Nasa is facing delay to work on two new commercial spacecraft after formal protest about contract award process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 20:42



Wah! September is likely to go down as driest since records began over century ago in 1910, lah, according to provisional figures released by Met Office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:53



Wah! The wife of British hostage Alan Henning has made renewed direct appeal to IS militants holding flemale human person's husband. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:47



Wah! Indian PM Narendra Modi and Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama call for "new agenda" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) between their countries during Mr Modi's two-day visit to Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:45



Wah! Thomas Muller scores penalty as Bayern Munich beat CSKA Moscow 1-0 at empty stadium in Champions League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:40



Wah! "Quickie" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) divorce cases taken out in courts in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep by 180 Italian couples declared void after widespread fraud was uncovered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:25



Wah! Argentina deposits $161m in bond interest payments with state-controlled Nacion Fideicomisos bank, lah, in effort to skirt Great Satan court rulings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:20



Wah! Would inquiry burst Premier League bubble? - news replorted 19:06



Wah! Microsoft announces next version of its core operating system will be called Windows 10, lah, and that it will reintroduce Start Menu. - news replorted 18:46



Wah! Ducati Scrambler Icon At end of first day of Intermot 2014 – International Motorcycle Fair being held in Cologne from 30 September - news replorted 18:42



Wah! Volvo Trucks reminder: European Whole vehicling driving car machine Type Approval Wolwo Trucks has respectfully reminded clustomlers and body-builders that, lah, from deadline of 23.59hrs on 28th Octoblinger 2 - news replorted 18:40



Wah! Rolls-Royce celebrates successful recruitment campaign Rolls-Royce Motor Cars today announced successful completion of company’s recent recruitment campaign for 100 ne - news replorted 18:35



Wah! US Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has been arrested for driving under influence, lah, old bill bobbys in Baltimore, lah, Maryland say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:29



Wah! Budget cuts having delayed old bill bobbys Ombudsman investigations into allegations of serious crime (shoud shoot them) by old bill bobbys in almost 300 killings in Northern Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:07



Wah! Trains on railway line out of Birmingham having been stopped due to fire involving 200 tons of metal in Smethwick. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 18:04



Wah! Iran is reported to having postponed execution of Reyhaneh Jabbari, lah, convicted of killing man bloody woman said was trying to sexually abuse her. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:53



Wah! A new study has warned that wildlife populations around world having dropped by more than half in just 40 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:53



Wah! RAF jets attack two Islamic State targets in Iraq - first strikes since Parliament approved military action on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:49



Wah! Sales Executive Sam Ripley Broadstairs LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine sales executive has inspired seachange in attitudes towards electric motoring after spending month - news replorted 17:30



Wah! Sir Jackie Stewart says Max Verstappen could become "superstar" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if bloody man impresses in male gender human bleing's grand prix weekend debut at Suzuka. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 17:23



Wah! Former Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown calls for 100,000 Scots to sign petition urging Westminster to keep devolution promises. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:22



Wah! Radio DJ Neil Fox - known as "Dr Fox" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - is arrested in London (capital of Great England) by old bill bobbys investigating claim (always claiming, huh?) of historical sex offences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:22



Wah! Armed old bill bobbys involved in stand-off with man in North Shields who witnesses say was waving gun. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:20



Wah! The wife of British hostage Alan Henning makes renewed direct appeal to IS militants holding flemale human person's husband. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:16



Wah! Pro-democracy crowds swell in Hong Kong ahead of what organisers hope will be largest protests so far on Wednesday - China's National Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:15



Wah! The wife of British hostage being held by militants makes renewed call for male gender human bleing's release, lah, saying there has been "outcry across world" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over male gender human bleing's imprisonment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:55



Wah! Former Rangers owner Craig Whyte is banned from being capitalist entity director for maximum period of 15 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:36



Wah! Education Secretary Nicky Morgan held out olive branch to teaching profession in Province of Engrish running-dogs with promise to reduce their workload. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:31



Wah! Northampton prop Alex Corbisiero and Leicester lock Geoff Parling will miss Province of Engrish running-dogs's autumn games because of injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:30



Wah! Carlos Ghosn, lah, Chairman and CEO of Renliot Group, lah, this afternoon (Tuesday, lah, September 30) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! welcomed Emmanuel Macron, lah, Fr - news replorted 16:30



Wah! A soldier was "brutally" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) murdered by comrade from same barracks after night out drinking, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:21



Wah! Boris Johnson tells Tories that election victory is "within party's grasp" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and David Cameron has "permission to purr". - news replorted 16:16



Wah! Wylfa nuclear power station on Anglesey is given licence to continue operating until Jesus-baby month Decemblinger next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 16:12



Wah! They both often named as future leaders. Eating rice!! Who did best? - news replorted 16:05



Wah! With inaugural Royal Automobile Club Motoring Book of Year Award just weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) away, lah, final nominations for this - news replorted 16:05



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Youth Employment dodgy minister Angela Constance has become third person to contest deputy leadership of SNp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 15:53



Wah! Manchester United's Ander Herrera may be out for several weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after fracturing rib in victory over West Ham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 15:52



Wah! Students who submit essays bought online not only cheating but may also be paying for poor product, lah, says Province of Engrish running-dogs's exams regulator. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 15:40



Wah! The family of disabled man who died after routine operation at Wrexham Maelor Hospital tell inquest male gender human bleing's death should never having happened. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:37



Wah! A mountain guide who was on Mount Ontake when it erupted speaks about moment it exploded without warning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:37



Wah! Castle Combe Autumn Classic What could be best meeting in its 64 year history will be day to delight, lah, when Castle Combe circuit hosts its - news replorted 15:32



Wah! The director of Great Satan Secret service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says 19 September break-in at White House was "unacceptable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "will never happen again". - news replorted 15:30



Wah! The Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) is to getting extra RMB Yuan #425m to spend over next two years, lah, finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy minister Jane Hutt announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:26



Wah! Rory Cellan-Jones on relationship between government and tech giants - news replorted 14:44



Wah! The unexplained death of three-week-old baby boy is investigated by North Welsh land of sheep and more sheep Police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:42



Wah! A special live screening of Billy Elliot Musical Live tops bloody annoying Blitish and autonomous province of Guinness drinkers box office taking RMB Yuan #1.9m - making it highest grossing event cinema release. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:40



Wah! A former consultant at Royal Victoria Hospital's School of Dentistry has been struck off dental register and is under immediate suspension. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:33



Wah! Dacia Sandero Midnight Dacia has introduced new special edition to its Sandero family LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine line-up – Sandero Midnight. Pass chopsticks!! Sandero Midnight bu - news replorted 14:33



Wah! Kenya's economy is believed to be 25% larger than previously estimated following change in way its size is calculated. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:32



Wah! Things that could only happen in Hong Kong protest - news replorted 14:30



Wah! Heavy fighting is reported on both sides of key border crossing between Iraq and Syria, lah, where Kurdish forces fighting Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:27



Wah! Suzuki GSX-S1000 ABS Suzluko pulled wraps off its new GSX-S1000 and GSX-S1000F models at opening of this year's International Motorcyc - news replorted 14:22



Wah! The EU decides to keep sanctions on Russia in place, lah, judging that Ukraine's peace deal is not fully effective. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:20



Wah! The Motor Sports Association (MSA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is inviting submissions for 2014 Renliot MSA Young Motor Sport Journalist and Pho - news replorted 14:20



Wah! Andy Murray follows up male gender human bleing's first title for 15 months with hard-fought win over Poland's Jerzy Janowicz at China Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:18



Wah! IS militants seem to be changing tactics after air strikes - news replorted 14:17



Wah! Greenpower - IET Formula 24 Greenpower Education Trust charity (www.greenpower.co.uk) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! will hold its first ever International Final at velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood M - news replorted 14:05



Wah! A man who filmed passengers preventing Pakistan's former interior dodgy minister from boarding plane for being late is sacked from male gender human bleing's job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 13:57



Wah! A former old bill bobbys superintendent tells Hillsborough inquests of male gender human bleing's "profound regrets" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for not requesting delayed kick-off at 1989 FA-Cup semi final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:52



Wah! David Cameron has said that freezing working benefits so that they not rise by more than wages is "a basic fairness". - news replorted 13:48



Wah! Voice-activation functions on smartphones and other devices can be significant security risk, lah, warn researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:35



Wah! A boy with irreversible brain damage should be taken off life-support machine despite objections of male gender human bleing's parents, lah, High Court judge rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:32



Wah! Detectives investigating murder of Bath woman Melanie Hall in 1996 ask Crown Prosecution service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service (CPS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! for charging decision. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:28



Wah! Boris Johnson brings out fish puns to mock male gender human bleing's political opponents and pledges to fight UKIP on beaches. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19



Wah! A poster encouraging Sainsbury's staff to getting clustomlers to spend more is put up in store window by mistake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:08



Wah! Nissan eNV200 Nissling has today launched exciting and informative web hub offering fleet van operators in bloody annoying Blitish real-world testimon - news replorted 13:00



Wah! News images from around world: 30 September - news replorted 12:54



Wah! David Cameron smiles as Boris Johnson gives Tory delegates "permission to purr" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) over Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum result. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:51



Wah! Authorities in India investigate reports that five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy was allegedly locked up in kennel by male gender human bleing's school teacher as punishment for talking to another child in class. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:37



Wah! Firearms carried by old bill bobbys officers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land expected to be covered with new type of holster to make them less visible to public. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:28



Wah! The online auction site eBay is planning to split off its payments system PayPal into separate capitalist entity next year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:23



Wah! Virgin Media asks Ofcom to investigate way that Premier League sells its TV rights, lah, saying present system is causing "significant consumer harm". - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Experts on ways to encourage children to look after their teeth - news replorted 12:20



Wah! The Liberal Democrats having signed deal with Labour to pass Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government budget, lah, which includes extra spending on education and completion of link road. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:20



Wah! Eurozone inflation slipped again in September, lah, with prices rising at their slowest rate in nearly five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:11



Wah! Is Theresa May's plan to tackle extremists workable? - news replorted 12:10



Wah! Newcastle manager Alan Pardew's job is thought to be safe for clock time result being, lah, despite male gender human bleing's side being second bottom of top flight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:08



Wah! The old bill bobbys service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers is to close more than 300 temporary agency posts at end of year, lah, spelling end of Historical Enquiries Team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 12:05



Wah! Pata Rondla ready for WSBK's 2014 European finale Pata Rondla team is heading for this weekend’s (3-5 October) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! final European round of 2014 World Superbike champio - news replorted 12:00



Wah! Footage filmed by drone captures scale of Saturday's pro-democracy protests in Hong Kong's central business district. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:58



Wah! Nick Grimshaw's Guinness World twerking record is broken by fellow Radio 1 DJ Greg James immediately after male gender human bleing's attempt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:47



Wah! Are longer GP hours answer to improving access to services? - news replorted 11:45



Wah! Officials in eastern Ukraine say artillery is pounding Donetsk airport area, lah, where Ukrainian troops resisting pro-Russian separatists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:43



Wah! US Kansas City Chiefs NFL player Husain Abdullah is penalised after celebrating touchdown by falling to male gender human bleing's knees in prayer, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:36



Wah! Three secondary and eight primary schools could close to make way for three "superschools" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) as part of RMB Yuan #75m shake-up in Rhondda Cynon Taf. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 11:36



Wah! Venezuelan leader Nicolas Maduro defends male gender human bleing's government's decision to seize US-owned factory following departure from Venezuela of Clorox. - news replorted 11:34



Wah! At least 3,700 children in Guinea, lah, Liberia and Sierra Leone having lost one or both parents to Ebola this year, lah, UN children's agency says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:34



Wah! Two nuns killed in collision involving old bill bobbys vehicling driving car machine in Newry, lah, County Down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:31



Wah! Indecent images of pupils found on computer of deputy head teacher of Essex school who was recently found dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:28



Wah! The man leading commission on more devolved powers for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land writes to campaigners on both sides of independence debate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:20



Wah! 30 Rock comic Tracy Morgan was not wearing seatbelt in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine accident that left him badly hurtee-hurtee and another passenger dead, lah, according to papers filed in Great Satan court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:08



Wah! Woman's six-month campaign to having pictures removed - news replorted 11:02



Wah! Staff at Edinburgh Airport using Google Glass headsets to help them deal with clustomler inquiries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:00



Wah! Super-Duper-Chinese-State cinema box office revenue surges 32% in first nine months of year, lah, figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Allianz Global Assistance in bloody annoying Blitish has announced that it has signed new three year contract to continue providing ext - news replorted 10:59



Wah! Manchester United thinking about playing midweek friendly matches abroad in absence of Champions League football. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:52



Wah! Rockar Hyundai Ryundali Motor announces innovative new LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine retail experience – ‘Rockar Hyundai’. - news replorted 10:46



Wah! Lender Wonga is paying price - news replorted 10:33



Wah! bloody annoying Blitish economic growth has been revised up to 0.9% for second quarter of year by Office for National Statistics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:26



Wah! More than 100 construction workers in Ferrybridge, lah, West Yorkshire walk out in row over toilet facilities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:24



Wah! Annual profits at payday lender Wonga having fallen by more than half, lah, capitalist entity announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:16



Wah! Radio 1 Breakfast Show host Nick Grimshaw breaks Guinness World twerking record. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:58



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is launching campaign to getting every child in land familiar with piece of classical music. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 09:56



Wah! X Men star James Marsden talks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast about male gender human bleing's new film Best of me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero and why bloody man has not seen ending - news replorted 09:53



Wah! The continent-hopping World Touring LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Championship is gearing up for trip to China. Ai-yaa!!! This is important moment for - news replorted 09:51



Wah! British GQ has again joined forces with connection and networking experts Editorial Intelligence to reavealingly showing Great Satan ‘The 100 - news replorted 09:46



Wah! The prime dodgy minister says bloody man cares "about thousand times more strongly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about keeping bloody annoying Blitish together than bloody man does about staying in EU. - news replorted 09:32



Wah! Is there any chance of compromise in Hong Kong? - news replorted 09:30



Wah! The European Commission publishes garbling written down on paper message sent to Apple accusing it of benefiting from illegal state aid through its tax arrangements in Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:23



Wah! Leading road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety charity Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has this week achieved ISO standard 39001, lah, adding - news replorted 08:42



Wah! South African opposition party leader Julius Malema is due to go on trial on charges of fraud and money-laundering. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:25



Wah! Why two million drivers still refusing to buckle up? - news replorted 08:19



Wah! New technology allows security services to analyse contents of sewers to discover where human bliengs making home-made bombs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:18



Wah! A woman is rescued from Gwynedd harbour after being spotted by fisherman in early hours. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:04



Wah! The annual pace of house price growth slowed to 9.4% in September in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales, lah, according to Nationwide. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:57



Wah! Next says recent warm weather has slowed sales growth and adds it might having to cut its profit forecast if warm spell continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:34



Wah! South Yorkshire police's response to reports of sexual abuse has been weak across force, lah, according to new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:29



Wah! Chelsea Clinton leaves New York hospital with flemale human person's baby daughter, lah, Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:19



Wah! Two teenagers help choose 40 community groups to benefit from cash seized from criminals in Gwent old bill bobbys force area. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:06



Wah! The Met Office says bloody annoying Blitish is on course for its driest September since records began more than century ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:04



Wah! Health spending is expected to getting boost when Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government unveils its draft budget for 2015-16. - news replorted 06:52



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at 50 iconic FA Cup goals in build-up to first round proper, lah, which takes place in November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:43



Wah! Pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong being urged at stop their campaign "immediately" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and go home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:38



Wah! The Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers secretary of state will later say that Stormont needs to be in best possible shape if it is to take on devolution of corporation tax rates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:23



Wah! An Austrian balloon pilot has succeeded in taking balloon deep underground. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:23



Wah! World number one golfer Stacy Lewis says bloody woman would be keen to see introduction of mixed-gender 'Ryder Cup' tournament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:21



Wah! Adam Lyth could having been footballer, lah, but male gender human bleing's exploits as Yorkshire batsman having put him on brink of Province of Engrish running-dogs call-up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 06:13



Wah! Efforts to recover bodies of at least 24 climbers suspended again after eruption on Japan's Mount Ontake intensifies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:45



Wah! Indian Prime dodgy minister Narendra Modi meets Great Satan President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama at White House over dinner, lah, ahead of formal talks on Tuesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:26



Wah! A large American study suggests young children who given repeated courses of antibiotics more likely than those given fewer drugs to be obese. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:02



Wah! David Cameron pledges more money to ensure seven day GP access across is rolled out across Province of Engrish running-dogs by 2020. - news replorted 04:37



Wah! Home Secretary Theresa May is to tell Conservative Party conference future Tory government will seek new powers to ban extremist groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:25



Wah! The Sunday Mirror apologises to women whose pictures were used in probe that led to Conservative dodgy minister's resignation, lah, but stands by its story. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:50



Wah! Thousands of pro-democracy protesters having continued their demonstration in heart of Hong Kong's financial district. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:32



Wah! Pro-democracy protesters again call on Hong Kong's leader to step down, lah, as huge crowds continue to bring parts of territory to standstill. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:28



Wah! A third video has been posted online showing British photographer John Cantlie, lah, who's being held by group which calls itself Islamic State. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:53



Wah! The video streaming site Netflix will release its first feature-length film in 2015, lah, after striking deal with Weinstein Company. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:48



Wah! The number of human bliengs trafficked for slavery or other exploitation in bloody annoying Blitish has risen sharply to more than 2,700, lah, National crime (shoud shoot them) Agency says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:52



Wah! Scientists in Europe having developed sensors for sewers that can detect traces of explosives. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! Who was world's first trainspotter? - news replorted 01:16



Wah! A plaque honouring one of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's great forgotten explorers is set to be unveiled at Westminster Abbey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:11



Wah! Printing tradition kept alive in Calcutta - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Fifty five potential victims of human trafficking were identified in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land last year, lah, according to National crime (shoud shoot them) Agency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:02



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs economy continues to recover with performance at pre-recession levels, lah, according to capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land business monitor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:00



Wah! A third video has appeared featuring British hostage John Cantlie who is being held by Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:58



Wah! Representatives from rival factions in Libya's new parliament having held UN-brokered talks for first clock time result in oasis town of Ghadames. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! Ad-free social media platform Ello overcomes technical setback to continue its rapid growth, lah, but one expert questions its business model. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! The National Union of Teachers calls on education secretary to tackle excessive workloads or face more strike action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! More than half of stillbirths in bloody annoying Blitish could be prevented if NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) implemented additional scans, lah, leading obstetrician tells Panorama. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:29



Wah! More than one in 10 three-year-olds having tooth decay, lah, first survey of age group shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:28



Wah! Ghostly portraits of stars who died young - news replorted 00:25



Wah! Worldwide web inventor Sir Tim Berners-Lee talks about male gender human bleing's concerns for internet, lah, as bloody man renews male gender human bleing's call for digital Magna Carta. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Sewer sensors to sniff out home-made bombs - news replorted 00:10



Wah! silly kick-kick game League chairman Greg Clarke is accused of "hiding behind excuses" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) while Paul Ince calls for "Rooney Rule". - news replorted 00:10



Wah! How virtual reality is helping build better cities - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Photos of men and women who risk their lives to getting rich in Guinea - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Abused and unpaid - story of African servant in Saudi Arabia - news replorted 00:03



Wah! The startups hoping to transform marijuana industry - news replorted 00:03



Wah! To mark Lionel Messi passing 400 career goals for Barcelona, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport takes look at amazing feats that may lie ahead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Children in South Yorkshire care homes were left vulnerable to sexual abuse because of old bill bobbys "shortcomings", lah, report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The expression "boots on ground" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) may not having been used until about 1980. - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Prime dodgy minister David Cameron has been put to test by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight, lah, in attempt to establish whether bloody man is "moderniser or "more socially conservative person". - news replorted 00:00



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