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UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Nissan NP300 Navara 2.3 dCi 16v (190bhp) Tekna Double Cab 4WD Pickup 2298cc Diesel at £342.85 inc VAT at 12:42 today - Ling
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HaHaHa! Bugger me! If you are reading this then you must be REALLY worried about your privacy, well... don't worry!


"New easyJet hostess"
Look, has been trading profitably for donkey's years and I have never once had a serious complaint about someone's privacy. Apart from that nude photo of the easyJet air hostess I published, but that was totally accidental. Michael O'Leary liked that one. However, it pays not to be too paranoid. Certain things are NOT really private, they are semi-public.

Public information

I always hold your information very securely, but some information is out in the open and already public.

For instance, your address is generally public, is broadcast on the voter's roll and is probably sitting there on Google. Anyone who wants to find you can find you. Your car is parked outside your house, so your reg number is hardly a state secret. 100 Spotty and drug-abusing pond-life youths pass your house every day, and glance in your windows. Your bank details... well you give them away, including your bank account name and number, every time you write a cheque. If I were to root through your dustbin, I would figure your chocolate cake fetish. So you have to be a bit sensible.

"Personal documents are kept private!"
Being sensible

If you use me to get a new car, we will have to share loads of "private" information and from my point of view I do a hell of a lot of work to keep all of that stuff private and hidden. But nothing in life is perfect, and you can never remain "the invisible man".
Or woman.

Applying for a car

If you're applying for a car, I do have to pass your info to a finance company and also (probably) to a car dealer. Car dealers are hopeless. So, while I keep your information securely on a locked-down server at LINGsCARS, other people at finance companies and car dealers may not be so careful and it probably ends up printed on a bit of paper lying on their desk. Finance companies and car dealers are like that.

Private information

Most of your "private" information is available to all via a credit search. I never carry out these credit searches myself, but a finance company certainly will, if you apply for a car. It's no good asking me what's on your credit profile, because I can't see it. But if you want me to guess, I will. If you are particularly persistent, I will make up some fantastic stories about you that will stop you clicking "send" to me, ever again.

Collection of Information

"I keep all information about Duncan Bannatyne's ice cream van private" holds and stores certain information about you. For example, your breast size, your blood group, your HIV status... no, I don't, really.

I actually hold information related to your visit to this site (such as which pages you visit, how often you visit, where you come from and information you specifically provide to enable you to receive a particular service). But this is all sensible stuff I need in order to make the site work and to give 99.9% of visitors the interactive, enthralling experience they want. Most people would not be able to make head or tail of this rubbish if they tried. Nevertheless, it exists so I tell you about it.

Use of Information Collected

I will only use the information you provide me to process customer orders, get you a car, to send you information you have requested and to help me develop the site to be more useful to you. If you don't want me to tell anyone you have requested a badge, or played my quiz, or scratched your arse, then don't do those things. This is a fairly communicative website. On LINGsCARS, I interact with people. I don't try to embarrass people... but on the other hand, I have fun and we all join in. You are ordering a new car, no-one dies.

Non-personal data may also be used and stored with other persons.

I do not sell or transfer any personal information outside other than where explicit reference is made and approval obtained from you when you provide the information, or where passing that information to third parties is necessary to provide you with the information or service requested. I would love to sell it, because I would make a fortune out of it - but I don't. I put it all on a compost heap called "old data" and I sit on it. Eventually, worms eat it.

Data Protection has adopted a policy of occasional compliance with the data protection laws of the United Kingdom and takes reasonable care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data. Actually, I take great care to prevent any unauthorised access to your personal data, but that sounds pious and self-congratulatory. Also, I'm asking for trouble if I say that I do fantastic things better than most, so I restrict myself to the modest claim of "occasional compliance" and "reasonable care".

"Oh god, not my privacy policy AGAIN..."
If you want to know exactly what information holds on you, you can obtain it by requesting a Subject Access Request Form from at its registered office. A fee will be payable for such access. I have set the fee at £999.99 (including VAT), because, frankly, it will take me weeks to get it all together and I want to make a few quid from you.

By supplying me with information, you confirm that you do not consider use of your information in accordance with this Privacy Statement to be a breach of any of your rights under the Telecommunications (Data Protection and Privacy) Regulations 1999. Or your human rights. By entering information on forms or providing me with any personal information you are consenting to me processing that data for my own business use and holding it on my server. The problem with all these clauses in this Privacy Policy (and others) is that you never read them before you use my website, which is both stupid and sensible. It's stupid because you are giving away all your rights, but sensible because if you read every Privacy Policy you would never have time to surf the web or view any porn. Time is money!

Police and MI5 requests

You should also be aware that if the police or any regulatory or governmental authority investigating suspected unlawful activities demands me to provide your personal details and/or information concerning your activities whilst visiting this site, I shall do so grumpily (however, if we were in China I would think twice about this, as you might end up being shot). If the forces of evil want to know anything about your use of porn, I will stall them as long as possible before grassing you up, completely. Having said that, I have never been approached by MI5 with a demand for your Top 10 Pussy Flick information, so don't worry.

How do I keep your information secure?

"My tank of last resort"
Despite all the rubbish above, takes the security of your personal data very very Seriously with a capital "S", bold and underline. I use industrial security software to safeguard your data and I also own a Browning machine gun and a small tank. I never sell your information or pass it to anyone other than finance proposal companies and supplying dealers.

I hope you feel you can trust me. If you've read this far, you deserve a free car, and an aspirin as big as a dustbin lid! I do my best. Other Privacy Policies mean absolutely nothing and are full of shit! So I hope you appreciate my honesty
- Ling
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Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!, you know who I am
- Ling


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Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
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Tel 0191 460 9444
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I prefer email to phone - Ling
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Best Before: 17/08/2007
People's Republic of Gateshead!



Wah! LATEST:   Updated Madzla CX-3 and new GT Sport special edition arrive Madzla has announced flagship GT Sport special edition and technology updates for its successful CX-3 compact SUV. - news replorted 14:22

Wah! LATEST:  Ian Paterson conducted "extensive, lah, life-changing operations for no medically-justifiable reason". - news replorted 14:00

Wah! Britain's Aljaz Bedene continues male gender human bleing's winning run with straight-sets victory over second seed Ivo Karlovic to reach Hungarian Open semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:18

Wah! A top Fifa official admits male gender human bleing's involvement in "multiple schemes to accept and pay bribes to soccer officials". - news replorted 13:13

Wah! London (capital of Great England) Mayor Sadiq Khan tells Garden Bridge Trust bloody man cannot support scheme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:56

Wah! Lear Corporation’s newly announced decision to site its European R&D at Sunderland highlights city’s outstanding cre - news replorted 12:52

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Wah! Petrol powered Levante S, lah, now available in UK Maserati GB is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce arrival of petrol engine Levante SUV to UK, lah, joining Diesel version wh - news replorted 12:44

Wah! Volvo V90 Cross Country Wolwo Cars, lah, premium LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine maker, lah, reported operating profit of SEK3.5 billion for first three months of year - news replorted 12:41

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Wah! Groupe Renliot logo Groupe Renliot (including Lada) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! worldwide registrations (Passenger LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine + LCV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! increased by 15.8% in market up 4%. - news replorted 12:05

Wah! The university apologises after it was accused of discriminating against autistic people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:03

Wah! Hyundai Motorsport begin testing with New Generation i30 TCR Ryundali Motorsport’s first project for circuit racing took big step forward earlier this week, lah, with New Generation - news replorted 12:00

Wah! Election candidates turning to crowdfunding sites to raise money for snap general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:45

Wah! Nissan sets up new unit to boost NISMO road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine business Nissling Motor Co., lah, Ltd. I read you little red book! has set up new unit to expand its NISMO road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine business by making greater range of models - news replorted 11:33

Wah! Bradley Smith says passionate fans will provide big boost Bradley Smith believes passionate British MotoGP™ fans will provide big boost to all British riders at this ye - news replorted 11:26

Wah! The visit of Francis comes three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after deadly bomb attacks on two Coptic Christian churches. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23

Wah! The High Street giant prepares to join crowded market for home delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so but could face problems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:21

Wah! Ed Balls Day is social media mishap which has been celebrated on rainy season-month Aplil 28th for past six years - news replorted 11:17

Wah! The electricity towers in Cairngorms being taken down as part of RMB Yuan #600m Beauly-Denny power line project. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:09

Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government's rejection of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs government's Brexit proposals is published for first time. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:58

Wah! EU leader Donald Tusk says Brexit talks must focus on "people, lah, money and Ireland" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) - not future trade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:52

Wah! DTM Test Hockenheim May 6, lah, 2017 will be special day for Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate motorsport: 16 months after project was launched, lah, new Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate RS 5 DTM i - news replorted 10:46

Wah! A luxury music festival in Bahamas is branded "disaster" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after reports of cancelled flights and no security. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:41

Wah! What will fighters earn? What does Anthony Joshua munchy-munchee in day? And why is Wladimir Klitschko underdog? Read Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport's preview. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:36

Wah! Sebastian Vettel and Lewis Hamilton struggled in first practice at Russian Grand Prix as Kimi Raikkonen set pace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:35

Wah! The social network says it has seen highly organised attempts to manipulate inflomination on site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:24

Wah! Honda Racing looking to make further progress at Oulton Park This capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Holiday weekend (29 rainy season-month Aplil – 1 May), lah, round three of MCE British Superbike Championship takes place at p - news replorted 10:20

Wah! Americans Jordan Spieth and Ryan Palmer combined for first-round 66 to share lead in New Orleans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:19

Wah! Donald Trump has spoken about what bloody man misses about male gender human bleing's life before bloody man was president. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:55

Wah! bloody annoying Blitish economic growth slows more than expected as service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service sector stalls, lah, according to official figures - news replorted 09:48

Wah! Gambling is "rife" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs silly kick-kick game with managers, lah, referees, lah, directors and chairmen all involved, lah, according to PFA ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land chairman John Rankin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:37

Wah! Hyundai launches contactless car Ryundali Motor bloody annoying Blitish is kicking off its partnership with Stand Up To Cancer by creating fundraising world-first: Contac - news replorted 09:00

Wah! He says proposed burka ban would help "equality and integration" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Britain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:15

Wah! The victim, lah, in male gender human bleing's 40s, lah, was found just after midnight on number 189 bus in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:04

Wah! Ford Aiming High for World Endurance Championship Race at Spa Floord Chip Ganassi Racing team travels to Spa, lah, Belgium, lah, next week for second round of 2017 FIA World Enduranc - news replorted 08:00

Wah! The capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity reports its first quarterly profit since 2015 and says cost-cutting is ahead of target. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:26

Wah! Defending champion Thomas Voeckler is hoping to go out on high as bloody man continues to wind down male gender human bleing's career at this weekend's Tour de Yorkshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:22

Wah! Maria Sharapova refuses to respond to criticism of flemale human person's return from doping ban as bloody woman reaches Stuttgart Open quarter-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:19

Wah! Indonesia, lah, majority Muslim country, lah, has among highest number of child brides in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:26

Wah! Your morning briefing for 28 rainy season-month Aplil 2017 - news replorted 06:23

Wah! The tasty pop-up pop-art museum features pool filled with 100m sprinkles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:03

Wah! The ordained Christian dodgy minister was put to death despite plea for mercy from male gender human bleing's victim's daughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:52

Wah! The powers to apply asset freeze or trade embargo due to disappear when Britain leaves EU. - news replorted 05:21

Wah! A charity in Taiwan has volunteers who provide sexual "help" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for small number of disabled people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:35

Wah! The solid gold head has been valued at $1.4m (RMB Yuan #1.1m). - news replorted 03:16

Wah! Armed old bill bobbys seized knives and arrested 27-earth-years old happy birthday to you, in "intelligence-led" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) operation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:53

Wah! The Great Satan president said bloody man believed China's leader was "trying bloody velly hard" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to end escalating crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:26

Wah! Get lowdown on Iran's presidential election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:16

Wah! Russell Tovey says male gender human bleing's coveted role in gay stage epic Angels in America was part of male gender human bleing's life long before bloody man signed up to it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:10

Wah! Ahmad Nawaz, lah, 16, lah, survived 2014 Taliban attack on male gender human bleing's school - but lost male gender human bleing's friends and brother. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:09

Wah! Head teachers say government required savings risk destabilising education. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:52

Wah! Sgt Alexander Blackman is released after male gender human bleing's conviction for murder was reduced to manslaughter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:34

Wah! Politicians and experts criticised over fund, lah, which cost RMB Yuan #1.27bn and may having harmed patients. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:18

Wah! 7 days quiz: How did Tom Hardy prove himself velly damn good boiled chicken-feet citizen? - news replorted 00:58

Wah! These dads breaking stereotypes to learn how to style their daughters' hair. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:42

Wah! More human bliengs stayed away from ballot box than voted for winning party in Stoke-on-Trent at last election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:37

Wah! Could technology create world in which economic inequality becomes biological inequality? - news replorted 00:34

Wah! Four human bliengs arrested, lah, but old bill bobbys say it is unconnected to earlier incident in Westminster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:21

Wah! Dare Jennings, lah, founder of 1980s Australian surf wear brand Mambo, lah, tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation how he's keeping male gender human bleing's cool in business. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:10

Wah! Operators say that new technology means video ATMs will change way we bank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:05

Wah! What political priorities in Berlin, lah, Paris, lah, Rome, lah, Madrid and Warsaw? - news replorted 00:01

Wah! British inventor says project is just bit of fun and safer than motorbike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:01

Wah! SVO creates bespoke Range Rover for Anthony Joshua MBE IBF Heavyweight World Champion Anthony Joshua MBE has begun most significant week of male gender human bleing's professional career to date - news replorted 00:01

Wah! The All-New Ryundali Kona - Sleek, lah, sharp and progressive Ryundali Motor is unveiling further details of All-New KONA ahead of its world premiere in coming months. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01

Wah! It was 'morally reprehensible' for LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine maker not to warn clustomlers sooner about second recall, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00

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