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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a VW Tiguan Estate (2024 on) 1.5 TSI eHybrid Elegance (204bhp) Estate 5dr Petrol Parallel Phev DSG Hybrid at £721.09 inc VAT at 17:14 yesterday - Ling
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Moan form

Moan section title

Are you expecting to find some customer moans? ...hahaha! Think again!

However, I do allow website visitors to moan (before I shout at you or give you a thump). Sometimes moaning is good. Sometimes valid.
Below are moans... to add a moan, fill in the form.

Are you sure you wanna moan?

ADD A MOAN!

Think carefully before moaning.
If you are shrinking violet, take care!





Keep it succinct, I can't bear to read long moans...
and please note I persecute idiots :)
If moan is valid, I will act on it.

I am Ling! You can trust me!

Web Visitor Moans...

From: rawr
12/05/11 - you
"You are a bad, angry, dirty person who can't set up a website which isn't distracting and annoying to use. And you're an illegal immigrant! "

LING:  I wish the English Defence League would stop targeting me. Bah. - Ling

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From: gary jagger
19/08/13 - contact
"I cannot contact you. Please ring me about leasing . asap. 07842258565"

LING:  I am a .com, not a call centre. Try asking Amazon to ring you :) Not sure why you can't contact me... don't you have email? I will ring you after 9am, but will probably need info from you in writing (hence email or completing my quote form etc, is best). - Ling

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From: Bogart Rhinolegs
31/08/09 - O-M-F-G
"I'm using this site as an example of the worst designed website EVER! This website is making me sick! O.o lulz! HORDE FTW AND STOP USING PAINT!"

LING:  Sick, sick, sick, thanks so much for your OTT response. Without people like you, all the interesting websites would disappear. Look forward to your quality review :) Nothing wrong with paint, B&Q make a living out of this. - Ling

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From: Morten Hansen
03/11/10 - Metallic Paint
"Why can't I have a Audi S5 Coupe with metallic paint?"

LING:  Because you have been a naughty boy, Morten. Now go and sit back on your step. You can have white, like all the other hairdressers! Snip, snip... - Ling

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From: Pete Arkwright
22/06/11 - No Chinese Takeaway
"I love Ling, I really do, she's a fearless, bright entrepreneur that demonstrates individuality has its place in modern business. However try talking to her on the phone, jeez."Hi if you want to speak to Ling press 2", yeah right, I get 3 secs before being zipped through to Jamie.... don't fail with this business hun you're never gonna get a job taking orders for a take away.....x"

LING:  Pete, you are ex-commando but you are a nit. I am bloody VERY busy day to day and really, Jamie is handling your web-stuff. I don't spend ages on the phone, you have noticed? I do things efficiently and fast. A silly moan. - Ling

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From: Gary Hunter
13/03/09 - Sleep
"Ling its Gary from LeaseCarsDirect, We are fierce competitors yet still friends, but i must ask you get more sleep as the more you work and innovate the more I have to and we are so close in our rankings....I have a nice holiday company in Redholidays.co.uk Have a break....on me! My kids dont get to see me I'm now telling them its cos you dont sleep...so I can't. "

LING:  Gary, well, this is true, I will steal your customers in a blink. But, this is what makes our industry so good for customers. Some finance companies, the BVRLA and some asshole car brokers want to "control" the car supply to people like you and me which means HIGHER prices for customers. I will stand together with you against any damn restriction in competition by these cartel industries. I do not sleep, I am superhuman, hahahaha. This is not a moan! You should stop bloody posting shit to get a free hyperlink for some holiday company hehe. Nit. Go and sell some cars, drink coffee, stop sleeping, you need to catch up with me! - Ling

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From: t jenkins
26/06/13 - tryed to change quote price
"I was surprised when my quote was changed half way through the order due to lings cars mistake which they when questions repeatedly put the phone down on me when I asked them shouldn't they stick to the price provided in the quote all I got was abuse back down the phone."

LING:  You forgot to mention, Tom, you got very indignant, threatened me with your company solicitor and demanded subsidy... and "half way through the order" translates to notifying you WITHIN AN HOUR of you placing the order for the VW Scirocco. If you had gone about this issue in a different way, I would have had more sympathy... but it is a pricing error by the VW supplier and your reaction is like a TV accident claim lawyer. It's no good being indignant and trying to get the difference for free, it is a pricing error and needs to be adjusted. I cannot proceed by subsidising it or giving you money for free. This is unfortunate, but it's happened. I have notified and adjusted as soon as I can. Please stop trying to get a subsidy, because I am not going to give one, there is no margin. I accept an error was made, but believe it or not, the law does allow for errors, and this one was spotted and adjusted quickly. It was human error by a VW supplier. Not intentional. It happens, with over 10,000 constantly changing advertised prices and quotes being run. I understand your disappointment, but you must pay the CORRECT price, not an accidental incorrect price. I do not run a compensation culture company, everyone must pay the correct price. But, again, apologies for giving you the incorrect price. Remarkably, occasionally a mistake has to be corrected. - Ling

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From: jack smith
26/04/14 - Moans
"My favourite thing about your site is your nuclear missile truck. Because I enjoy blowing you up. Oh ya - does that game ever end??? Also, I sent for a pin AGES* ago, and have not yet received it. WHY? DO YOU NOT HAVE GOOD SHIPPING? (*20 minutes ago.) One last thing - in your quiz, some of your answers are WRONG! I demand that you fix this. Or else. One last thing: thanks for getting my teacher annoyed MAJORLY. He said that he would fail anyone who wrote such a website. You can contact him at: rob.petrovic@epsb.ca "

LING:  Hmmmm, not sure if this is a valid moan, but I have emailed your teacher: "Teacher Rob, Hello, this is Ling in the UK. It has come to my attention that you have said you will fail any of your students who write a website like mine. Hmm. Maybe I should point out that my website makes more money than (probably) all the teachers in your school, combined (while I an bed, asleep). I demand that you stand in front of your class and apologise to everyone, especially the excellent anonymous student Mr/Ms Storrier. C'est la vie. I added that because I think it's the law that in Canada every email should contain a bit of French. If you give me the class address, I will send a selection of badges for the brightest students who clearly recognise my greatness." - Ling

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From: FUCK YOU
06/05/13 - YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF
"PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF"

LING:  This is not really a moan, but highly amusing. I need to find a way of preventing American children visiting my website. - Ling

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From: Ricciardetto Standen
13/10/10 - Why? Please can you explain?
"why would you pay £200-odd a month for a car that you don't own though? surely if you've that amount of money spare per month then a loan would be cheaper in the long run? Also would you seriously use a service who's website looks like it's been made by a spastic monkey? But Loved you in Dragons Den!! I think you should offer your cars to them and see what they way!!! lol!! "

LING:  You incorrect about the car, correct about the website, uber-correct about Dragons' Den. No explanations necessary, none given. - Ling

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From: Arthur Dent
10/10/09 - Website
"Your website is absolutely horrifying. It's a web designer's worst, worst, worst nightmare. "

LING:  Exactly. That's why web designers have to wear sunglasses to go outside and cannot cope with tabloid newspapers with more than one font style. Anyway, web designers use Macs, so that says it all :) - Ling

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From: RALPH
08/05/14 - MAYBE ONE DAY
"I wish I were in the UK, and needed a car, just so that I could rent from you."

LING:  Ralph, so do I... I desperately need a customer who won't moan like hell :) Apply a visa today, I will write letter of support. - Ling

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From: Natalie Melia
22/03/12 -
"Your a wank"

LING:  Some very stupid people on the Internet, eh? This is nmelia71@gmail.com for the benefit of Google identifying them as idiot. - Ling

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From: James Sandy
23/04/14 - Uh, as I said
"Your website isn't very good, as I said. I think you should get another job, like I said."

LING:  James, my website is the best in the World, like I said. It has won many awards, like I said. It is the most profitable in the UK car leasing industry, like I said. You are still talking shit, like I said. - Ling

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From: hello
24/06/13 - dot yoursite dot com
"Quality web promotion done by professionals. We have social media services like Twitter Followers and Facebook Fans, Google first page ranking services and more. We can get you to the first page of Google and increase your businesses traffic and income! Please visit: wizpromotion dot com/"

LING:  Please fuck off, you are spammy bastards. I am already on the first page of Google for sensible terms. How dare you try and promote via my website? Twats. - Ling

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From: Brian
03/12/12 - Outstanding!!!!
"Dear Ling :) I am in love with your website. It is the most entertaining and enthralling website I've ever seen. If I lived in the UK and needed a car you can be sure without a doubt I would be your customer. Well done!! I wish I could meet you one day. Your wonderful personality shines through. Keep up the great work. Brian"

LING:  Thanks Brian, but this is NOT a moan. So, you are breaking the rules of my moan page. Please can someone balance this complimentary message with a God-Awful moan? Super, thanks... - Ling

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From: Ching Chong
15/12/13 - lol
"lol ur website is bad and you should feel bad. Wing wong spring roll"

LING:  Ah, another mildly racist comment. Idiots, come to me. I will laugh at your idiot-ness. - Ling

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From: John Dickinson
09/05/10 - Too busy
"Dear Ling, Any chance of constructing a different web sight that has a lot less going on. Too many bits of info and flashing lights for us old ones. Hope this is constructive. Good Luck John "

LING:  This is a very valid moan... Yes, John. I have this in hand. First, I have designed a completely new customer back-end called LINGO v2.0 which will go live in the next few weeks. Then, once that is working well, I can introduce two things: 1) New websites for myself, and 2) new websites for 3rd parties using my administration and car deal database. Stand by, within a month or two you should see some progress. - Ling

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From: Katy
18/01/11 - You are rockin'
"Just wanna say you rock my seemingly tiresome work day... the website is technically awful (I work in Web development) but ya know what? It clearly works for you and I say good on ya! You brought a smile to my face. x"

LING:  Hahaha, technically a lot of things should not work (eg the moon landings and a bumble bee). But they do. My website is one of those things. Thanks for comment, technically it is not a moan... but I allow it to be published because it is damn nice! - Ling

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From: Robbie Keyworth
14/02/10 - A Moan BUT NOT a Moan
"Always had a company car but now have a car allowance of £400 pm. Very confunsed about what leasing deal to go for. My car is my office so need good Sat Nav, Bluetooth, Auto. Types of cars interested in Audi A4, BMW 3 series, Ford Mondeo, Saab 9-3, Vauxhall Insignia. "

LING:  Robbie, well, correct. Not a moan. Don't ask me car questions here, this place is for nutters, idiots and simpletons. Ooooooops :) Fill in my quote form! Off you go... - Ling

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From: Henry Davis
02/10/12 - website
"To the average punter - The website looks unprofessional, and like something that came out of China ten years ago, you can still make it fun, yet professional, but it's cluttered and a shrine to Ling! Customers need reassurance, not a Karaoke or the keywords people typed! Good luck though..love the site myself, but it won't help you sell cars! Henry"

LING:  Thanks Henry... but this isn't really a MOAN, so I can't really do a snotty reply :) - Ling

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From: William Daryl Maysz
24/09/09 - Why sell cars?
"ling i do not understand why you do this with cars you should sell products like Mighty Putty, the quick and easy way to fix and seal anything fast and make it last. Mighty Putty is not a glue but a superpowered epoxy. This is the most important product, i have ever endorsed. Billyy x x"

LING:  Hahahaha, Billy! You even have a video at Mighty Putty! I think you get 6 tubes for $19.99. You too are seen on TV, like me :) How lovely to have a proper infommercial moan, instead of the usual spam moans. I wonder if everyone knows what Mighty Putty does? Hahahahah, I think the handle on that cup is GREAT! Now you can repair any job big or small, thanks to Mighty Putty. Mighty Putty is great for anything from your smallest craft projects to your largest home improvements! The easy way to fix, fill and seal almost any surface and make it last. Mighty Putty is a powerful bonding epoxy stick that you can mold to any shape and can apply to any surface for an everlasting bond. Simply cut, activate and apply...then all you do is let it dry. - Ling - Ling

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From: David Moore
30/03/11 - Blocked,wtf.
"you blocked me on chat, unblock me now, or i kill u. i need lease car, from you _\|/_"

LING:  Fuck off :) - Ling

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From: Dead person
02/11/09 - Haunting from beyond the grave
"Your pudding killed me - get some stuff that's in date please."

LING:  I say in the accompanying letter that the free lunch and delicious dried plum pudding are slightly out of date. So you make your own choice to eat. There is no reason it should harm you though apart from slight danger of big shit. I would recommend frail people do not eat the free lunch, but with half the World starving, it seems churlish to complain. - Ling

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From: Debbie Hayman
02/03/09 - Quote
"You have my name and my postcode on a quote on your website but I have never used your site or service - please get this quote removed from your site as soon as possible or I will instruct lawyers to do this for you. Thank you"

LING:  Debbie, yes you did. You sent me an email a few years ago saying: "Fab site, really brightened up my day! Well done you! We need more of these." Debbie Hayman, Park Royal, *** *** debbie@****.**.** I could not publish unless you sent it. I certainly never make anything up, that is more effort than publishing real comments! Also, you gave me your address and email. I did not publish full address and I made sure the email was not represented so it could be spammed. Once again, you choose to output your name publicly in the "moan" section where you can see the moans get publicised. However, Your quote is being removed today, no problem at all. This quote has been there at least 3 years. I agree this moan has some validity, in that you want your message removed, but that is a request, not a moan. As you sent me the message to begin with (probably applying noodles, cash or quiz), then really, you must have some responsibility. - Ling

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From: death will be a pleasant optiion
12/03/09 - stop spamming me you fuckwit
"stop spamming me you fuckwit"

LING:  Well, nice person called Death... I am not fuckwit, I am Ling. I do not send these emails, myself. I spend a limited amount on opt-in marketing, the sends are from an outside company. I make sure the email contains a gift offer, and that they are very entertaining, not the usual rubbish. So, this is not spam. If the company has your email by a mistake (they insist not), the "remove" link does work so you should use it. I have tested it with my own email addresses. If you don't click remove, I cannot see how they can remove you... sometimes you can send a blind man to the cinema, but even then he may ignore the soundtrack. You may be able to tell from this reply, that I care about this, I do not ignore you even though you are rude and uninspiring person. - Ling

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From: Simon
29/04/14 - Diesel
"http://www.lingscars.com/Seat/Leon_SC/1998068-1.8_TSI_16v_(177bhp)_FR_Hatchback_3dr_1798cc-personal.html#models This is a petrol model, not a diesel as listed.... I was going to sue you over it but then realised how great you are and decided not to."

LING:  Right, at last, a valid moan. You should be more careful which cars you click on, nit :) - Ling

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From: Ling Valentine
07/06/09 - No new moans for ages!!
"It's been 2 whole months since someone posted a new moan! That is good. Just to let everyone know that I monitor this page daily for problems :) - Ling"

LING:  Ling, that is correct. Wait a minute, I am Ling! Who are you? Hahaha - this is like looking in a mirror! - Ling

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From: gregor mcrobert
22/07/10 - bad credit leasing my ass
"I got in some trouble years ago with money but am fine now tried Lings site and lo and behold nooooooooooooo chance "

LING:  Well, this is correct. The finance companies make the decisions, not me. If you were really "fine now" they would not hesitate to accept. Maybe they need more water under the bridge. It is a balance, they need to keep credit scoring tough to ensure that prime customers are not subsidising risk. It is hard, but if they won't finance an Astra, there must be something stopping them. I do my best to present customers in the best possible light, but maybe they see your employment (as a miner) as risky, or maybe there are other risk factors. I never see the actual details, so it is hard to comment accurately. However, if everything was clear on credit, it would proceed, so something must not be quite right. So sorry, Gregor. This is not sub-prime leasing, for that risk factor you pay double my prices. - Ling

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From: '); select * from mysql.users;
03/06/11 - '); select * from mysql.users;
"'); select * from mysql.users;"

LING:  hahahaha, idiot. You are hack-bastard! - Ling

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From: Paul
04/02/10 - Concerned individual
"What's up with the missile truck? And for the record all the poor chaps who come to this website most likely have their bandwidth commit suicide due to the excessive amount of shit on this website. I feel bad for the epileptic guy who clicks on the link on Google looking for a car. Good day to you."

LING:  If you think there are excessive amounts of shit, use a wet-wipe on your face as you look at it, Paul. There is nothing "up" with my missile truck, it is just fine :) Who cares about bandwidth? - get broadband! Epileptics cannot drive cars, so site is not designed to cure epileptics. They should visit doctor, not my site. Good day to YOU. - Ling

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From: Billy Mays
23/09/09 - Horrendous waste of time
"This website is a pointless waste of my life. Get some real cars logos Ling!"

LING:  What? I don't understand your moan. If you want to waste your time here, you are free to do so, no one is twisting your arm to apply your brain to figure out what is going on. Car is car, moan is moan. Your moan is not a moan, it is simply nonsense. You obviously do not appreciate work of Chinglish car expert, so I file your moan in my dustbin of life. Goodbye, moan. - Ling

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From: Josiah
24/01/14 - I work in the Auto Website Industry ...
"AND THIS IS THE BEST SITE EVER!!"

LING:  This is not a moan, so doesn't qualify for reply! - Ling

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From: Paul Massheder
18/01/11 - Car out of manufacture's warranty
"Ling, as per telephone call car registration RY57*** ran out of warranty 24/12/10 according to Honda uk......car due to be returned in May this year , very concerned ..... car is on 3 year deal ...... please advise."

LING:  This is a Honda Civic and was pre-registered (as you knew when the contract started in 2008, although the actual date wasn't clarified). I have arranged that Warranty Direct give you a proper warranty for the remaining 4 months of the contract so you are fully covered. I am always happy to help in situations like this. Sorted! :) - Ling

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From: Sasag
21/01/12 - LINGCAR YOU WANT PIZZA
"YOU STUPID FOOL I LIKE TO MAKE A SOMEBODHE TO GIV ME THE CAR YOU SAY NO CAR WHY YOU SAY NO CAR I NEED THE CREDITS I GIVE YOU CREDITS YOU ARE FOOL EMBARRESHMENT TO CHINA I WORK IN CITY WOK VERY FINE PLACE YOU NO WELCOME FOR CITY BEEF. SASAG."

LING:  Another idiot. Why do I get so many idiots? - Ling

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From: geoff
02/11/09 - Succinct moans....
".......can your moans to me be succinct please?? lol"

LING:  Ah, this is a supplier of mine who spends his days complaining about me shooting cars with my AK47 "in the current political climate" (whatever that means). So, I changed the assault rifle to a paint gun, in order not to offend this guy and meet the crazzzzy political correctness requirements. I had a rant about the silliness of this, and my email was too long, apparently. So now you moan back, Geoff. You should do more work, less moaning! - Ling

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From: MRK
17/06/09 - Ling
"I find you very attracive."

LING:  This is not a moan. It is a stupid comment. Also mis-spelt. I do not deal with idiots, I am artist. - Ling

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From: Graham
27/07/10 - Maintenance costs
"Ling, whilst being a satisfied customer of yours, I have an A class Merc from two years ago, I have an issue with your standard wording about maintenance. You say:In the first 2 years, you should only need an oil and filter service, and go on to call it a small service. Well, in year 1 I had a minor service (A) which was reasonable enough, but this year (2) I had a B service (which you call small). The cost is not small though. The dealer price was £375 and that was supposedly discount. In the end I got an independent garage to quote me £245 which the Merc dealer price matched, so the best of both worlds, but not all do it and I had to work at them to get it. So over two years it has cost about £400 so not insignificant. I could only get one independant to guarantee in writing that their work would meet MB's standards and preserve the warranty so I feel your wording should be refined to the fact that it is not necessarily so small and cheap to get services done and people should research these more thoroughly. I wish I had."

LING:  Hmm, well, thanks for this, Graham. I will say that the costs would be the same whether you lease, buy or steal the car, makes no difference to the servicing. This is simply that Merc is a higher cost than most other manufacturers. On that Merc contract, you have to use a Merc dealer I think, whereas on most other contracts you can use an independent. - How can I possibly list the cost of every service, all dealers are different, all cars are different and all garages different. I am only giving indications on this stuff, of course people should do a bit of research before committing to a new car. I understand this doesn't help you too much, but maybe it helps others, eh? - Ling

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From: carl wackan
18/08/09 - STOP SPAMMING ME
"YOUR A SPAMMER AND I'M GETTING BORED WITH IT. YOU PROMISED TO SORT BUT OBVIOUSLY CAN'T. DO ME A FAVOUR SORT OR LING CARS GETS A FREE LISTING ON SPAMMERS OF THE WORLD. kind regards Me."

LING:  Carl, this is a genuine moan. I have passed your complaint in forceful terms to my marketing company who insist they use opt-in lists. They are obviously wrong. I am acting on this. Apologies. - Ling

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From: Marc
23/12/09 - Its all gone a little too far...
"Ling, its all a bit silly isnt it? Im sure you set off with intentions of breaking conventional theory on web design and self/company promotion but the website is so mental surely you accept that serious people wont take YOU seriously. For someone leasing/buying or financing a car is an improtant decision. Surely they wan a provider that is busy sourcing good deals and looking after their order; not someone who doesnt like speaking on the phone and is too busy thinking of where next to park a missile truck? I wish you every sucess but please get a grip. Tone it dowen a bit!"

LING:  Marc, no, no, no. it's really important to create an emotional bond with customers, in order to gain enough confidence for them to place an order. My service is the best, people figure it out. People who can't figure it out can go elsewhere for a car. ... For instance now, replying to your moan, I am typing this from China. How many other car suppliers will even read website comments today, never mind reply, never mind reply from half way around the World? This is the difference, you see? - Ling

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From: Cook Poo
13/07/11 - fail
"your website is terrible, you are a failed designer! btw are you single? I asked coz a friend of mine thinks your hot and his dad lives in China! tap back"

LING:  The only tap you need is to drain fluid from your frontal brain lobe. This is not a moan, simply a stupid comment, so it does not qualify. Sorry. - Ling

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From: Van
24/10/11 - All good
"If you're making customers happy and achieving some success more power to you!"

LING:  Van, you sound like you are either Dutch or a Ford Transit. But, this is clearly not a moan, it is a compliment!!! Which part of my "MOAN" page don't you understand? I like to show people the type of unreasonable cretins that many web visitors with no taste or class can be! But you spoil all that by saying nice things. You need to pay more attention. I advise you to take a reading course, Van. Thank you. - Ling

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From: Jon Gill
31/12/09 - What the hell
"1. www.lingcars.com takes that long to load I could of ordered and taken delivery of a new car from somewhere else in the same time. 2. Reason behind the lag time for page loads is becuase the sites a complete mess, its very busy with alot of pointless tabs to click. I want to buy a car not play Hangman or play a quiz i mean WTF 3. The design looks like its been done by a primary school child, and is very hard to actually navigate smoothly without becoming irritated. 4. How can any of this be taken serious ? "

LING:  Well, thanks. It has been taken seriously enough for you to write this moan, and taken seriously enough for me to be chosen as 2009 BT Business/NatWest Communications and IT Everywoman Award Winner, nationally in the UK. Does everything have to be designed for dial-up and in such a boring manner? My website is carefully designed to polarise visitors. You polarise out. Some polarise in. Easy. Customers who have cars, are the happiest in the whole motor industry. There are hundreds of ultra-boring sites that you can feel free to grab a car from (except they are not very good at it), so feel free to use them and bore yourself to death. Thanks for moan! :) It brightens up my site. Note... no other car site has a "moan" section. - Ling

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From: Bilal
10/10/11 - Your Website
"Your website is shocking, it is untidy and misleading, Also, your a slut. Thanks Bilal"

LING:  Well bilal_kool@hotmail.co.uk thanks so much for that. Why do I get so many idiots visiting my webpage? - Ling

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From: Jorge Rango
27/11/12 - Canadian Bacon
"I want to see you reply in 4 minutes and 12 seconds."

LING:  I left this reply for 2 and a half months, just to make a point. What an idiot. - Ling

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From: Kavie
08/05/11 - just wondering
"i am very disappointed i can not see my moans on your web page and i have also wondered where my reply is??? you should make it so we can comment on others moans so we can agree or not because some replys are not infact true to my belief <3 kavie"

LING:  Kavie, have you moaned? I cannot see it. Although I delete ones that are just purile. I don't allow comments because it is fun to cut people off in their prime. All the moans are true and 100% honest. I don't alter them. It would spoil the fun, if I did. This moan is on there now... but how can you moan about moans? I am not quite sure that is a valid moan. - Ling

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From: DAVE MOORE
20/05/11 - I WANT CHINA FLAG
"SEND CHINA FLAG TO DAVE MOORE 79 CHAIN LANE BLACKBROOK ST HELENS LANCASHIRE I FUKIN HATE U!"

LING:  Impossible to send without postcode, sorry. And Chinese Government restrict China flags being owned by twats. It's a big problem, you will struggle to overcome. - Ling

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From: Elastic
29/10/11 - Intrested in you
"i think i like u 4 who u re, u re so funny and natural. can we get more closer? pls...."

LING:  Wahhhhhhh. A stalker who cannot do basic English. I only allow stalking if it is in well-typed English. Please put more effort into "ur" stalking. - Ling

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From: john
27/09/10 - slagging off scousers
"why do you always take the opppoertunity to suggest that people from liverpool or surrounding areas are thieves..check your replies to letters received from merseyside customers and count the number of times you have implicated they should beware of their cars being stolen i don't think you would be too happy if we were as suggestive of human rights denials in your native china"

LING:  Ah... I see from the quality of your English, that you are probably a Scouser. Did someone steal all the capital letters while your message passed through a Merseyside server? - You talk utter rubbish, Liverpool is well above the UK average in population demographic, everyone knows that. Stop moaning. - Ling

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From: Dan
27/12/10 - Very entertaining
"I've just wasted over an hour of my life reading your moans page and i love how you don't take these idiots seriously. Great site, you seem a great person and i'm going to test your services by placing an order soon! Oh so this is a valid "moan" please don't post so many entertaining moans as it takes too long to read them all haha."

LING:  This is not a moan, but I have still decided to post it, to show that I have some really intelligent visitors :) If only all other moaners were as un-moany as you! Thanks!! - Ling

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From: John
02/11/09 - Ignorant
"Would never do buisness with you, you are an ignorant c**t, not only that even the length of time you took to answer my e-mail which was a genuine enquiry "

LING:  This is an example of a very selfish type of "customer" I get sometimes. Is it any wonder I do not choose to do any business with them? Quite terrible. Genuine customers should not have idiots like this slowing down my responses, so I deliberately withdraw resources from enquiries/people like this. - Ling

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From: Andrew
19/03/09 - My house is a mess
"Hi ling Although i dont have an issue with your service, i thought that i would use this to have a moan about my cleaner not turning up yesterday to clean my house. I am lazy so doing this myself in not an option. I now hate my cleaner, but dont tell her incase she doesnt come again. ;-)"

LING:  Andrew... Cleaner is like performance art with dead skin. If you clean your one room bedsit yourself, you ruin the art of cleaning. This is an intelligent question about boy-management from someone who appreciates true cleanliness and neatness, like my website. You should get your performance art lazy handy-boy cleaner a nice small car like a Matiz. This would ensure prompt cleaning attention and regular return visits. What is the sound of one hand clapping, dumb-dumb? In China all cleaners are Filipinos. This is not a real website moan, so you should not post here. - Ling

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From: Jonathan
21/06/11 - to be and just forget it
"First of all, your cars are great, second of all you cheat in your quizzes and that's the best web site I have been on so far. And I am not Columbian! Thank you. "

LING:  Right Jonathan. When you were on the chat, your name was James. You were using a Columbian server (who does that, by choice except some drug cartel and real Columbians?). You try and skank me out of a free car by cheating at my quiz, and you have obviously not looked at my website if you think it's the best you have ever been on. I would like a refund please. The only coke that's arrived here is liquid and full-sugar and fizzy. Your attempt to bribe me for a free car - FAILED! :) - Ling

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From: Clary Fray
02/06/10 - You've Got Heart
"Hi Ling! Looking through the comments I can tell that a whole ton are from my ICT class. We are redesigning your website for an ICT project because it popped up under one of the worst websites. But I believe, as much as it is a designers worst nightmare, it's got heart. That's all I wanted to say. "

LING:  Hahaha, Clary - then send me a ling to a copy of the redesign :) Always pleased to look. Thanks for the moan, even though it isn't a moan :) - Ling

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From: doad
26/03/09 - hi ling
"i like your hair"

LING:  This is not a moan. If you hated my hair, that would be a moan. Please observe moaning rules. - Ling

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From: The Doctor
08/04/14 - Your attitude
"I do not appreciate the attitude toward your haters. I believe that the way you react toward them is unprofessional. And the anti-american comments are getting out of hand too. (I am not American, so don't insult me for that) "

LING:  Oh please... if I could hit haters with a baseball bat (so Americans understand the hitting object) I would, but I can't. So... - Ling

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From: JS
03/04/09 - Your rant about Citroen
"Ling I was disappointed to see your bad tempered rant against Citroen on the AM forum. Your whole business is built around people choosing new cars after 3, 2 even 1 year. How do you think a manufacturer can apply a £2000 scrappage fee to a car costing £7000 in the first place? Do you work on those kinds of margin? Where is your selection of the sustainable, 9 year old cars you like so much, for lease? "Sheesh, am I mad?" - YOU'RE BARKING! "

LING:  Hahaha, you are a Citroen UK employee! Your IP 193.194.132.70 resolves to PSA Citroen! ....you should really declare that to the World, you know.

Answer: No, no, of course I supply new cars. This is not the problem to me. The big problem is the crushing of perfectly good used cars, just to grab some cash. It is absolutely crazy to crush a car which has years of life left in it. Bad. My rant against Citroen is that they mention the "green" aspects of trading into a new car, then totally omit their greenest cars from the scrapping scheme. If they were serious about this, they would LIMIT it to the greener models in their range, not exclude them. You are wrong. Try again. - Ling

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From: Martin
29/07/11 - FUCK U!
"OI ur a fat gook who needs to get back in the kitchen and out ur fake ass nuclear rocket away u rank slut kthhnx baaaaaaiii bitch"

LING:  It is "biiii-yatch", sheesh. Please get insult pronunciation correct. Also, if you remember... the "GOOKS" won the war, back in 'nam. - Ling

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From: Al
24/03/11 - what am I missing?
"I want a NISSAN QASHQAI HATCHBACK 1.6 [117] Visia 5dr [Stop Start] Profile: 6 + 23. Period:24 mths Mileage PA: 10,000, Price from Vehiclesaver is £184 pcm. Why you charge c. £80 more for same spec? "

LING:  Sheesh. Who on earth are they? They are advertising illegally ex-vat breaking the law in a criminal (not civil) manner. First add the VAT and then take into account the "6" initial payments against my "3" and then add their "admin" fees. They have seven (7) unattributed testimonials published online, I have more than 1500 fully attributed testimonials. Hope that helps with these people who advertise illegally. Try and avoid the £ notes flashing in front of your eyes, obscuring your vision. :) - Ling

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From: Borat
26/01/10 - I can't live chat
"I just want to live chat with employees about me leasing cars but you blocked it or something. Ps fuck you i just want to lease cars and emma C was argueing with me wasnt respecting me as a customer! "

LING:  Really? Oh, I am surprised. It's not often mature customers are mistaken for teenage mutants. I am so sorry. Emma C has been ordered to eat free McDonalds today, as punishment. I even applied physical punishment - I patted her on the back. Hope that's OK :) - Ling

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From: PENIS LICKER
29/03/14 - You web site is ad?
"YOU STUPID MAKE BETTER WEB SITE!"

LING:  YOU STUPID MAKE BETTER MOAN COMMENT! - Ling

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From: Matthew
10/09/12 - No 'buy' button for £9.99 image
"There is no 'buy' button, for the £9.99 picture of you (homepage). "

LING:  I have no idea what you are talking about. This is not a moan, just a stupid comment! - Ling

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From: Irfaan Saheb
07/07/10 - plz reply to my personal email!
"I am sorry for thinkin your sexy but it is not my fault that your small boobs are not very attractive. i think your website is completely shit but fortunately you i think your hot therefore your website is successful"

LING:  Hmmm, are you another weird Pakistanian? I think you lot are sexually repressed at birth. Ignore my boobs, get yourself an arranged wife. - Ling

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From: Shauny B
05/08/11 - 2 website
"Being another person who has wasted an hour of my life reading moans, why don't you run 2 websites side by side? This one and a nicely polished one which the kind people below have offered to make. We can then see which one people prefer to use! I bet this one would win and silence all the people moaning that it looks like something your dog puked up! "

LING:  Hmmm, why don't you run 2 brains side-by-side? Then, you might understand my website. ...you will also notice that a dog always re-eats what it pukes up, as it is the best bit and is quite delicious. Like bird-spit soup. Thank you for your clever moan, but it is invalid. - Ling

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From: Sceptic Hal
04/02/13 - WHY U NO look genuine?
"I spent a good 5 or 10 minutes looking for the small print and googling about this site before I discovered it was actually GENUINE! Having never heard of you or your site before (I will be watching the Dragon's Den stuff later though, thanks), I came here from via link for a DeLorean DMC - so not the most obvious of 'legimate' deals. I honestly thought this site was hilariously funny p1ss-take ... and had I not been bored, I might have dismissed it as a joke much quicker than I should have. Not a strong moan, but even so. I don't know how you can do anything about this whilst retaining the sentiment of the site. "

LING:  DeLorean *IS* a joke of course. But website is real, cars (not silly ones) are real, I am real. I post you 2kg of salt so you can take it with your web-browsing. Getting new cars should be fun, not miserable, so you need to check my website and have a click around. Enjoy it!. Note, if you look at my webcam... Dalek is not real, Kung Fu panda is not real. Just for reference :) - Ling

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From: Ian Scobbie
13/05/10 - free car
"Can my cousin John send me a free car? Great for publicity in Australia!"

LING:  Hahahaha, this is not a moan, it is a grabbing bastard email :) Your cousin John had a brilliantly cheap Honda Civic, he is very happy I think. Unfortunately, cars from the UK will not work upside-down in Australia, this is obvious. And I thought you all drove V8-utes for the pallets of XXXX in the back? And a kangaroo bar would look stupid on a Honda Civic :) Why are Australians so stupid? I always have this problem with bloody foreigners, hahaha! If you not careful I send you to Coventry like your cousin John. Why do I hear that Deliverance banjo in my head when I imagine your extended family? :) Send me Aus address, I send you Ling badge in airmail, no expense spared! G'day. - Ling

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From: John Jones
31/05/10 - This Site Strange but OK
"For some reason this site is NUTS and this can be good and bad, you get bad publicity from the worlds worst websites, but hey bad publicity is publicity and it seems to work. So I am confused. At our school in ICT my Assignment is to make your website better- well not better but less cramped and easier to read with less CRAP. I don't mind it except you shouldn't lie about being UK's Favorite car leasing website. Mayby most visited and laughed at but not FAVOURITE. Please fix this. Thanks for reading and hope it helps. Ps I am not one of those stupid kids that just send this to be funny I do want to help. "

LING:  Right... well, do you want to point me to the UK's favourite car leaasing website? It's difficult to think of another contender when they are all either built and abandoned, or built on some reseller's template (then abandoned). I have yet to find one other leasing website that is ALIVE. Try again, John... - Ling

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From: Steven Magnet
25/09/11 - This website is FABULOUS!
"This website is so fabulous, I almost forgot to comb my moustache!"

LING:  Clearly this is not a MOAN, so it breaches the terms of this page. If visitors cannot understand the word "moan", they need to consult a dictionary. However sugary-sweet the comment, this page is for assholes to register moans on. Please keep the page clear for those people. Thanks, Steve. - Ling

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From: a.burton
28/05/10 - shame
"shame there are not more web sites like yours !!!!!! Very funny.."

LING:  A shame I don't have more comments like yours!!!!! Great (if short). - Ling

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From: Dan
18/09/12 - Quiz Question 11
"Quiz wrong! Picture is a DODGE CHARGER and that is not listed in your answer choices. Fun site though..."

LING:  Quiz is not wrong, Dan. I decide what the answers are and it is NOT a Dodge Charger. Heh. Bear in mind the Americans shared similar designs over different brands (eg. like Opel Kadett/Vaux Astra). Check again. Questions rotate, so you have a hell of a job. Nice moan, but no cigar. - Ling

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From: piers colombini
27/06/12 - Lings not social
"Ling, fallen completely in love with your website, the content is so entertaining and dont think I have been reading that much content on a site for ages.. But I dont seem to be able to find SHARE the website on Facebook / twitter etc... Wanna share Keep it ling-ering"

LING:  Then share it... :) You don't need silly little buttons that spew out canned messages. Just type something on Twitter or The Facebook and attach a link :) So easy. I class this as only a semi-moan as you are so polite. I would prefer to give you a smartass answer but cannot force myself to be aggressive to such a lovely person as you. So, just type your own link... it is far more rewarding :) - Ling

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From: WarrenDavey
08/02/12 - Crap Website 2
"Hello, Firstly, I would like to say that the first moan you recieved was by my friend who was fraping me. This only occured because your "ADD A MOAN" security was poor. Anyway on topic. I have checked the website and I found the actual structure of the website good. However you use too many interactive elements in your website. There are way too many animations and most the pictures you include are overloading the actual webpage. Your overloading the website and it would look a lot better if you spread the animations, pictures and other interactive elements on to other pages to give it the extra professional quality that it badly needs. Finally, I know you don't like to read long moans, but I am sure you will read it anyway. Have a good day. "

LING:  Hope being F-raped didn't sting too much. Why is my "add a moan" security poor? If you have such dumbass friends, then you have only yourself to blame. I can't protect you from idiots. As to the comments, ...blah, blah, blah. last month (Jan) I moved £2,500,000 of new cars. No need to tell me there are too many flashy things (unless you can sell more cars than me, to offer advice). In my opinion I like things to flash like fuck. Good for the brain. ...But, thanks for your concern, I appreciate the worry about my "overloaded" web pages. Hehehe. If it all comes crashing down, I will only have myself to blame, eh? Boom! - Ling

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From: Chris
05/11/13 - Interactive functionality
"Can I request that the Scottish guy dances whenever the 'Taunt' button is pressed? At present, pressing the taunt button proves fruitless."

LING:  The Scottish guy, called GUY, is far too busy moaning and eating kebabs and deep-fried confectionery. So sorry. - Ling

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From: leslie nicoll
15/10/10 - website
"I have leased my last two cars from ling. Our present lease ends in February. So it's time to start looking for a new contract. I have looked on your website and i find it manic. Far to much going on; it was much easier to use three years ago."

LING:  Les, yes, it is the drugs. I do my best to calm it down, but I just can't resist making things flash. So sorry! - Ling

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From: Jim Law
20/06/12 - I am bored
"Your website offers no facility for people who are bored to become not bored. Can you please address this? Maybe you could offer some spare chinese people who you can send out to come to the pub with me? On the upside I need a new car for my wife.. and you seem to cater quite well for that. What one would you recommend?"

LING:  If you are bored you need to click around in my website. I offer many opportunities for people to un-bore themselves by switching to "insulted" or "amazed" response... instead of just sitting around bored. No pub. Chinese people are all out at Whitley Bay picking cockles, sorry. Far too busy. ...I would recommend a Mercedes as you seem to suit that brand. - Ling

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From: Ethan
29/05/13 - Only sells in the U.K
"Hello, I most compliment you on your website and business. But why don't you offer the service internationally? Also, since you claim to be one of the environmentally most friendly ways of purchasing cars - do you use 'Green'/Renewable Electricity to power your severs (I'm guessing you left Connect Internet Solutions) "

LING:  Ethan... "green" energy is a nonsense. Just like "green" cars. I don't offer my service internationally because I am very patriotic and only deal with people who live in the UK. Or China. I don't want bloody foreigners messing up my website. But, thanks for compliment! - Ling

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From: bob labuilder
17/07/12 - WTF BITCH
"YOU GO AND FUCK AND I DONT THINK YOU KNOW WHERE TO LIVE IN SUCH A STATE OF HARRASSMENT"

LING:  This bloke's email is allefedly "niggerjew@asainkiller.com" so you get the gist. Asshole. - Ling

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From: Simon
30/12/09 - You Moaners
"I ain't moaning, just laughing my socks off at all the self-righteous twats who want to moan about the industry and your business. Ling you are hillarious! I hope all these moaners take their own advice and BOG OFF. Fair play for having a moan page."

LING:  Hahahaha, you are from a well known car dealer, so thanks so much for the comment. Not only visitors who moan, but also BMW are the biggest moaners at the moment, except they do it with solicitor letters telling me I cannot show pics of their cars! Nits. When are you gonna give me some cars to sell for you, Simon? Get on with it! :) Thanks for the friendly moan! - Ling

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From: Richard
17/08/11 - "Talk" broke your website
""Live Chat" feature is broken. It does not work at all in firefox. (Firefox is close to becoming #1 browser worldwide) It doesn't even work properly in Internet Explorer. Please get rid of it and kick your web programmers up the arse! I can't read your site properly with it blocking the right of your site and can't order my new car!! Richard"

LING:  Yes, this is a genuine moan. But, no one will talk to you at 1am in the morning. The layout of the Chat/Talk persistent feature is not ideal at the moment so I am working on it. Thank you so much for a proper moan at last. More like this please. - Ling

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From: John
09/10/09 - Dearest!!!
"I have been looking at numerous lease sites thinking of leasing, the car iam looking for is an Audi A5, i came accross this site and it seems to be the dearest by far Thanks John"

LING:  John, then go and rent one from somewhere else! There are many websites who publish ex-vat, out of date, made up, inaccurate pricing in order to sucker you in, sucker. I always give the most accurate prices I can find, which, if they are a bit higher than you want... at least are accurate. Pointless to use made-up prices IMHO. - Ling

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From: SKaB
05/05/10 -
"U SUCK!!!! THIS WHOLE WEBSITE IS FRICKIN RETARDED!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEGGY AND I HAD A GREAT LAUGH TODAY THANKS TO U!!!! BTW ARE U A GUY OR GIRL???????"

LING:  When you say "frickin", I think you may mean "fucking". Does that help? It should, in your case. - Ling

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From: MAC
14/02/13 - TELEPHONE NUMBER - SPEAK TO A HUMAN!!!!
"TELEPHONE NUMBER ? TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN BEING PLEASE!!!!!"

LING:  0191 460 9444 - it is on my webpage to the right, with my address details. But, you are asking a bit much if you think my staff are human. - Ling

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From: chris Bradshaw
21/09/10 - Not a moan
"It is not a moan, but I don't now how to contact you. I which to increase my mileage on your car and change my address. Could somebody contact me by e mail or phone 07766591860."

LING:  Hmm, well, I am confused because you filled in a contact form with the questions, and Emma M pasted it into LINGO along with the answers. Did you not get the LINGO email? You have not logged in. You can always call me or email, but preferred contact for confidential stuff about your car is LINGO which we used last year to discuss the car delivery etc. Please tell me if you cannot get into it. It is at www.lingscars.com/lingo - Ling

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From: Web Design Skills
25/04/14 - NEW WEBSITE
"We at Adam Notes, Inc are website designers, using coding or other methods. In our opinion, you NEED a new website. We would be willing to take you on as a client. For this website, based on our current rates and the time estimated to fix this place (all 200 pages) is $29,345.98. If you would like to take us up on our offer (please do, Ling. You owe it to yourself), contact us! Jay Head of Sales Adam Notes"

LING:  Adam, there is no way I would want such a cheap website from you. You have no idea of the sophistication of the hidden customer aspect of my website, which is the most successful in the UK car leasing industry. I am so glad you use coding and other methods. Hope your other methods include crystal meth, you would need it! But, thanks for the offer. - Ling

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From: david lilburn
04/03/10 - Ling is a smug bitch
"who do u think u are?? How dare you stand there with 2 fingers up. u should spend more time fixing your shit website and less time having stupid photo shoots!"

LING:  Who do I think I am? - I am Ling! I thought I made that very clear on my website. Well, well, if you are looking at me sticking two fingers up, then you should not navigate to my "moan" page! Visitors with such sensible attitudes should use one of the extremely professional, boring websites that pop up and then disappear with regular timing, full of old deals, saying "we aim to give the very best service" but actually delivering very little at all. If you can't explore the web with a sense of fun and adventure then you are very narrow minded. Off you go now... bye bye baby, bye bye. - Ling

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From: Darren Richard
13/08/09 - Publishing moans
"You obviously do not publish all of your moans ling. you published a moan from Jerry and said that he had moaned twice in four days yet ONLY ONE MOAN FROM HIM WAS PUBLISHED!!!!! that's right ling, or should I call you LYING!!!!!!"

LING:  You are deaf as well as blind. There are definitely two moans from "Jerry" below. Where is "Tom" when I need him? I publish all moans, except the automated drivel spam moans. To call me lying is very strong, how many other websites publish ANY moans?? You interfere with my meditation and tai chi. Go away. This is a useless inaccurate moan. - Ling

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From: Kyng
19/06/10 - Advice
"you might want to turn down the SUCK on your website. Its terrible. If you want to make an emotional attachment to it, do so, but what you're doing is throwing chunks of disgusting design into it. Its not user friendly, it looks terrible, and you try to give advice on making a website? Google top 10 worst websites. You're on there."

LING:  Wow! Google "Car Leasing" from the UK and I am on there, too... which is a bit more important to me. Google "Kebab Van Wedding Hire" and I am on there too, but I have no kebabs :) Yum yum. Your moan is off target. What is the sound of one hand clapping? - Ling

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From: Ben
04/03/10 - NOT a moan but a big THUMBS UP
"I just love this site and the service. My wife is in the process of ordering a car and we have had nothing but great service so far!!! The web site is great and entertaining. Anyone who moans about slow load times must be living in a shanty town with dial up internet.... morons. Why are there so many negative people around these days.... get off you sizeable arses and see if you can do better!"

LING:  Hahahaha, Ben, thanks! Great to find that someone can read this page without taking it so seriously and getting horribly offended :) You know that ordering a car is not like buying a book from Amazon - it does take a bit of time, so nice to keep entertained and have a bit of fun. This is all about trust. My website does a good job of getting rid of most moaners and bitter and nit-picky visitors. So, like you, people need to view my site with an open mind and stop getting all miserable about it. Thanks for non-moan, I appreciate it! - Ling

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From: Luke
08/05/12 - IP UNBLOCK PLEASE?
"Please may you unblock our IP :) We Love You Ling"

LING:  No, I refuse to unblock you because you are just being irritating to my staff. You are like an internet version of Thrush. I have had to block Grantham "education" IP addresses several times. Send me a hand-written letter of grovelling apology in the post and I might consider it (after disinfecting the letter). In the meantime, please slaver yourself in Canestan Cream. It may help. - Ling

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From: Candi, Nikita & AJ
06/05/11 - From the 3 of us
"YOU SUCK. Your shoes are gay and you need new shoelaces. You need to learn how to give us the finger its offenseive And while you're at it, learn how to be Aussie, you cant even speak proper english Your jeans are gay, you're fat I bet your not married like you say you are cause you arent wearing a ring you may as well try to be a buyer bride (mail order bride) Um, but try is the correct word Best of luck in the future Aj, Nikita and Candi "

LING:  I thought people spoke English and went to school, in Australia? I am often surprised. - Ling

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From: Rick Blears
16/06/09 - She's back
"Just when I thought brand values had won, I'm back in the sulk zone. What's this! You get a quadruple Golden Wheeltrim Award for total naffness. "

LING:  Moaning means openness. The fact that hardly anyone moans is a good indicator of quality of service. All moans are published. Maybe I should switch to Iranian values where moaning is banned? - Ling

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From: Kennedy
01/09/09 - Your site sucks!
"Why does your site suck so much? i mean it takes ages for one page to load! and its sooo unproffesional! The colors dont even go together bitch! I might buy a car though, thank you! Have a nice day."

LING:  Is it "unprofffessioul"? Why am I getting all these school kids writing comments? - Ling

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From: adrian harper
17/07/09 - Don't like moaning but....Imissed out on Captiva deal
"I applied for a quote for a Chevrolet Captiva ,got back your e mail acknowledgement on 1/7/09, and got your quote back on the 2/7/09 - VERY GOOD!!! However as per my original enquiry, I was after a quote for a manual, not auto as on your quote.I emailed on the 2nd and the 6th to say I needed quote on manual not auto. On 7th you e mailed me to say you would look for quotes. On the 10th you e mailed no quotes available on manual, so i e mailed to go with the auto. On the 13th you e mailed to say captiva deal has ended!!! On 14th i e mailed you to say not happy!!You replied that no more deals on Captiva and offered a CRV, but i need the extra seats as per the Captiva. Now I have been offered an Outlander at more money per month. Any chance of the Captiva auto deal you originally offered still??? I know how much you value customer service even if you are sticking two fingers up at me!!!!!"

LING:  Hahahaha, well, I am not sticking 2 fingers at YOU. :) I only had the Auto Captivas on a deal, I could not get a good price on manuals. I scoured the whole UK and could not find a good deal. The deal then disappeared (this happens all the time as I list approx 2000 cars). The CRV is a good replacement (apart from the 7-seat problem). I have sent a price list link which shows about 50 different 7-seater deals under £300. Captiva deal is not available at the mo, at a good price. I do give customer service but can't magic the cars :) Your moan is valid, Adrian, but I can't control all offers as I don't run the finance companies :( - Ling

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From: poop
22/01/10 - poop
"OMFG SOMEBODY KILL ME"

LING:  With pleasure - pass me my AK47... - Ling

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From: Irfaan Saheb
16/06/10 -
"I htink that yopuir website is very very bad. I look at it and i want to take my eyes out with a spoon. Please reconsider designing your crap website. and you are very vain. sort it out ching chong. I LOVE YOU! I HOPE YOU LOVE ME TOO! <3"

LING:  Unfortunately, your English is so bad I cannot understand you - apart from the bit about taking your eyes out with spoons. I would recommend forks instead. - Ling

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From: Peggy
04/05/10 - READ THIS!!!!!
"YOU SUCK!!! you need to listen to what people tell you!! your wbesite is so confusing, and you wont listen to ANYONE!!!!!! you are so imiture about critizism i cant beleave you even made it this far!!!! the only reason anyone comes to this website is so they can make fun of it!!!!! thats all we did in my english class today!!!! and by the way, you are so ARROGENT!!!!! you think anyone cares that you think you are the "GREAT any POWERFUL Ling"????? NO!!!!! THEY DONT!!!!"

LING:  English class :) - I swear this moan is genuine, from ip address 216.64.119.130 which resolves to Millersville, Maryland, Great Satan. What a laugh :) - Ling

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From: Simon Heath
24/03/09 - Big engined cars.
"I'm fed up of the government giving money away to big companies. Don't you think the government should stop us all driving big V8s etc? As well as wrecking the environment they cost so much it would be for our own financial protection. We'd have enough money to buy 2 or 3 smaller cars, say one a coupe like a Scirocco (which is cool and fast for the weekend) and one a mini MPV like a Modus for trips to the dump & holidays, and a purple/chrome Fiesta for commuting? With change left over for solar panels. PS Love your site, might be back to lease a car once I've worked through the mess of company car tax rules for flat rate vat, ltd company, first year capital allowances etc etc. Grrr. Please make a calculator to stop my head exploding."

LING:  Simon, I have no interest in bloody allowances. They are all nonsense. What I really hate at the moment is the Industry's call for a "scrappage" scheme. All in all, this scrappage scheme is a short-term, short-sighted fix to a much larger problem created by overproduction, blinkered design, and greed. You have to ask, why not take it a step further and pay people substantial cash bonuses to scrap perfectly good TVs, fridges, radios and kettles, or even subsidise people swapping old knickers for new at Marks and Spencer? Clearly this whole rationale is complete, utter economic madness. Glad you like my site! A calculator is available for peanuts at a pound shop. This is not really a moan, more like a rant. - Ling

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From: Jim law
12/03/09 - Your feet
"They look too big for your body... what are you a size 13? :)"

LING:  Hahahahahhaaha. Jim, I have big feet for a Chinese. But, I wear bovver boots that are too big. This is so I can kick car dealers when the mess up, or else my feet get very sore :). This is not a moan, it is a comment. Only bloody moans on this page!!!! Can everyone pay attention? - Ling

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From: Darth Vader
15/06/10 - Spelling
"Ling, just thought I'd let you know that at the very bottom, near your lease agreement section, you have spelt lease wrong. Just thought I'd let you know so you can fix it up to avoid looking unprofessional. Kind regards. "

LING:  Nooooooooooo hahahahahaha, this is for Google, so it picks up mis-spellinks from peeple serching mi site. Nit. :) You fink I carn't spel? Hahahahaha. - Ling

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From: Tom
16/02/11 - Website Sucks
"ling your website is .... "

LING:  Tommy boy, your opinion is... - Ling

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From: Jon
28/09/12 - One finger - not two !
"Live in Cape Town South Africa The dragon's Den was on this week. Pity u didn't get help ! Well done on your very active web site ! Jon - one finger"

LING:  Jon, this is not a moan!!! But thanks for comments :)) I didn't want finance, I have plenty of cash. I wanted TV exposure. That's why I went on BBC Dragons' Den. Bannatyne did want to invest, I turned him down. Twice. Great fun. - Ling

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From: Robert
19/06/10 - I'd like to build you a new site
"Hi, your current website is unique, I like the general idea you have and that it has its own niche. However, I think I can re-design it so that you keep this theme, but organize the site in a way that your visitors do not want to kill you. If you are sick of getting beatings in alley ways on your way home from work, then please allow me to build you a real website with the same funny, theme without the shitty design."

LING:  Robert, feel free, go ahead. Let me know when you have a working example. This is very kind of you. I especially appreciate the lack of shitty design in your kind offer. Super duper. - Ling

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From: Dave
31/10/13 - wow u aint even swag
"wow ur website is bad wow y cant u build decent website wow"

LING:  Hmmm, another American child, speaking "web-speak". Do you have schools over there? - Ling

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From: Russell Davies
11/08/10 - L200
"Hi, I want to get a quote for a Mitsubishi L200 but its not available in the drop down list. Love the site btw. Russell"

LING:  Russell, This is not a moan, nit. This is a feature hahahahaha! Mitsu L200 is a commercial so I have difficulty pulling the data through like most cars. You must use my "old" form here: OLD QUOTE FORM. Sorry about that, database issues that are not simple to overcome or else I lose some functionality on the car form. - Ling

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From: Abraham Limpo
27/03/14 - No automusic, please!
"Hey, your website is an inspiration for us! I am making all my employees to study it, and not as a punishment! But, three complains. The first one is that this website is a timesink and now we spend too much time "studying it" and not so much time doing work. You need to make it more boring so we can go back to work. The second one is the autoplay: Although the singing is amusing, I lost too much time trying to find how to stop the video. Maybe you could set not to repeat at least, or to cycle automatically between the songs, so we can keep the page open as soundtrack for our office? The third one is obvious... you need to export this model to more countries! The world needs more Ling!"

LING:  Abraham... well 1. get a life, 2. I will consider the cycle, 3. No export! I am Blitish! Thanks so much for comments. - Ling

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From: Nick Parnell
26/06/09 - Wow!
"Did everything just get really expensive today ? Example - Honda CRV I was thinking of used to be £330 ish - now £450. Forget it !"

LING:  Nick, yep, Honda have removed lots of subsidy and will replace it with a new subsidy next week. You are observant. Prices move so fast at the moment and there are equally great bargains to be had as they go up and down like prostitute knickers, but it's no good waiting for cars to go up and then moaning. You need to jump when you see a good price. Speed is important. You have no commitment until finance in place and I offer you an order to sign :) ...pls note I also tell you the true figures quickly unlike other firms advertising out of date prices and then disappointing you. CRV will be cheap again next week (I hope). - Ling

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From: Eric the Gnome
02/10/11 - Chinglish
"I'm a gnome, so I don't speak Chinglish. Hire a fuckin' interpreter. Have you seen my buddy Gerome - I've lost him. P.S. You is one ugly bint. "

LING:  Ah, right. I thought there had been a shortage of idiots for a week or two, but I can always rely on someone rescuing me from complete happiness. Here you are, at last. Welcome. Better than an alarm clock - everyone should get their own pet idiot farm. So sorry this one escaped... back in the barn, now, Eric! - Ling

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From: Amy
04/06/10 - Excellent
"This site and your comments on this moan page are fantastic! I wish everyone did business like you, Ling. Keep up the good work, your site makes me smile (at the great deals AND the fab craziness of it all!) You're ACE"

LING:  Thanks! But, this is not a moan. This moan page turning into general comment page - I just want grumbling idiots to post on here so I can slag them off and make them look stupid. Can people please try to be more focussed in their moans? - Ling

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From: John Smith
23/02/09 - test
"im am moaning to test this?"

LING:  It works, thicko! :) - Ling

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From: SneakyElephant
08/12/11 - Ugly scary greedy face...
"Please can you take that picture of ugly DungCan Banana Tyne off your site? HE SCARES ME!"

LING:  Dung Can Banana is lovely! Such a sweet grump. He is hidden away on an inside page... He pays me £5000 a year as a bribe and FREE gym membership, to keep his picture up there for his PR and SEO purposes, so unless you make me a better offer - I go with the Dung Can. He does not bite. I concede that he sucks. - Ling

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From: Allan Galletly
13/08/12 - My eyes my poor eyes
"My name is Allan and i am a ict teacher. After looking at the complete garbage your website has to offer i strongly feel you should go back to school with your god awful crappy site. Its completely ugly and caused part of my brain to die. After seeing this site my vision will never quiet be the same. I truly feel you deserve an electronic circumcision. Stop before it gets worse."

LING:  Allan, as an ICT teacher, you clearly teach because you can't make websites work in the real world. This is a big issue with teachers. Your pupils will understand that it is about money, honey... not your dubious aesthetics. My website is VERY successful and will make over half a million pounds gross profit this year. Which proves it works well. There are no rules made by ICT teachers, which I need to follow. ICT teachers are a bit useless, frankly. If your pupils do anywhere near as well as me, following a visit to my website to learn stuff, they they will succeed beyond their wildest dreams. Go back to school, Allan, sounds like you need it. - Ling

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From: SAIF
12/07/10 - Racist ching chong wala wala
"Your website is complete bullshit. Maybe you should try and open your eyes because its looks fucking shit you fucking ching chong wala wala. And i dont like how you are racist towards other people sort it out noodle man"

LING:  Aha! I think this is a very valid moan because it represents the views of so many completely stupid people. I will try not to be so racist, but it's so hard when I am a fucking ching chong wala wala. I must try harder. I completely resent being called a noodle man. My chopsticks bleed. - Ling

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From: Poe
21/01/10 - OW
"MY HEART HURTS WHEN I LOOK AT THIS WEB SITE."

LING:  ...and my head hurts when you type comments in CAPS. You are an immature visitor, I think. I ban you. - Ling

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From: Liam Bower
10/09/09 - You are a silly man
"I think you are a total prick, why do you have a rocket aiming up your ass you fucking quere. "

LING:  Liam... I am a quere? q-u-e-r-e? A WHAT? Hmm, I think that is a measure of paper. Or is that a quire? Whatever, I am not a prick, or a silly man, as I am a woman. Thanks for the moan, visitors will enjoy to laugh at such observant comments from semi-intelligent human being. You are life on Mars, as sex-preference insults now confer a blessing. It is good to be gay, even if I am not gay. But if someone is gay, that scores them extra points these days. It is with great pleasure I press this button and send this response to such a vividly wrong person. - Ling

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From: Big Pete
15/09/12 - SEO
"No wonder you only make 30k a year business profit, your seo charges too much and evidently does very little. My baby does the hanky pank????"

LING:  Hahahaha, where do you get £30k a year from? That was a made up figure by the BBC to get Bannatyne going mad. Check Companies House. Nothing wrong with Hanky Pank, my customers love it. This moan is dismissed as a pointless bleuuuuurgh. - Ling

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From: Tess
13/06/11 - ROFL
"Your 'Worst Website' is the best I've seen for ages...yes, it is a bit excentic which is interesting but it is the longest time I have spent looking at website in ages.... kept me amuzed and interested.... Well done you! The only moan I have is that it is not clear wether (lol) or not you £1000 cash back offers include live in partners, ie common law? If so, do we still get the full £1000 or is there a lesser rate? The website needs clarification on that please? I also have 2 cats if you would like to take them into consideration. If so how much for the cats? many thx"

LING:  I am Chinese, so I pay good money for cats. The fatter the better. Especially Ginger ones, they worth double! Not only do they make nice winter hats, but they boil up lovely. I would not pay extra for common law partners, as this is not a turkey dinner, I will not be stuffing them up the ass. :) Thanks so much for worst website comment, I always appreciate that. Glad you smiled instead of crying. Therefore, this is not a valid moan, and you are penalised. - Ling

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From: Rene
01/08/11 - Cool Site!! And annoying!!
"Hello Ling, my name is Rene and I am from Tucson Az in the United butthead States. I think your website is terrific and annoying at the same time. Your animations are incredibly distracting but your quiz is ingenious absolutely love it!! I think you are fortunate to have such a unique site congrats on that. Heres my moan: I thought you were a dude at first but realized you were a chick, so are you a hermaphrodite??"

LING:  I am not sure that is how you spell it... but as you are an American, I will give you some leeway. What a shame you do not qualify as a customer being a bloody foreigner, so your opinions do not count. Otherwise I may have paid attention to you. If you win a car in my quiz, you must pay shipping to the Great Satan. - Ling

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From: Ling Ching
30/07/09 - HARRO
"are you on drugs or something I HATE YOU quote "Keep it succinct, I can't bear to read long moans... and please note I persecute idiots :) If moan is valid, I will act on it." umm you are an idiot"

LING:  No, no, not me that is the idiot. Allowing visitors to moan is GOOD. It shows me if there are problems. Thanks for the emotion. Hate is a very strong word, you should apply it to a true hate figure like Bill Gates for inventing Windows. Visitors will read this and decide who is the idiot. This is not a valid moan. Moans should have an element of constructive criticism so I can improve things. You seem to just be a terrorist. War on Terror continues (copyright George Bush). - Ling

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From: paul sparkes
30/12/10 - your full of shit
"ive seen your site you make out you can make things happen my credit was above average but you couldntd do anything with it for me went to another finance house accepted straight away with black horse so if you spent less time spending time on your silly website and spent more time on looking after your customers i wouldnt be writing this moan you yellow faced prick!!!!!!!!!!!!"

LING:  Ohhhh, that is not very nice, eh? You are a bit racist and very rude and nasty. Maybe I used a different finance company to Black Horse, or maybe you didn't lie enough on your proposal? Or maybe I just didn't like you so I declined you for fun? Hehehe. What a twat. I do that to twats, sometimes... you can report me to the FSA. "Declined because you are a Twat". Hope the other car leasing company enjoy dealing with such a racist, bitter, poor-credit customer. - Ling

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From: Gavin T
14/09/12 - Slow & Expensive
"Not a complaint or a moan, just feedback. The quote I received for an SLK from this site was was over £50 per month more expensive than I was able to find myself. It took me less than 3 minutes to find a lower monthly price and with a £650 cheaper deposit than on here. A television appearance does not mean better value. Too expensive and a site that is over produced."

LING:  Gavin, I simply don't believe this. Everyone can see that your figures are not correct. On a two year deal, that means £1300 cheaper. On a 3-year deal, that would mean £1900 cheaper, not including the initial rental saving you state. Saving £650 on my 3+ initial rental payment does not concur... that means that the car was not on a 3+. If it was, the saving would be 3 x £50 = £150. So, I say your comparison is rubbish. You are misrepresenting something, either accidentally or deliberately. It's obvious. Send me your "cheaper" quote by email and if your figures are truthful I will publish it on this page in full, nothing redacted showing full competitor name etc. Put up or shut up... :) - Ling

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From: debi
26/03/11 - cant find answer
"how do ni know if i can be a business leaser as it seems cheaper and the same deal as a personal one... is there any difference and can i lease as a business user? "

LING:  Debi, duhhhh. Do you run a business, or is the car being leased by a business? The clue is in there somewhere :) - Ling

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From: Ben Dover
05/11/13 - MOAN
"Although your website is readable the taunt Guy button doesn't annoy Guy. MAKE IT WORK!!!"

LING:  Guy is now immune to the Proclaimers. I need another annoying taunt, I know this. Thinking about it. Ta. - Ling

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From: Moaning Mertle
01/04/09 - Ling's Rant at Citroen.
"In reference to your rant at Ciroen's scrappage plan... I appreciate the validity of your argument from a eco point of view but can't help to wonder at where your commercial reasoning is. Citroen, like any other manufacturer are looking to maintain profitable business practise. If this means manipulating PR then good luck to them. They have the second best average Co2 output across the range, and apart from Renault manufacture more vehicles in ISO14001 accredited factories than anyone else. I can't help but hear the smacking of double standards when you advertise thier products alongside bemoaning business practise. If you don't like it don't sell the product, or maybe Citoren's marketing may stimulate some business in Ling's direction? The pound is mightier than the principle Ling?"

LING:  Hahaha, you are a Renault UK employee! Your IP 193.194.132.70 resolves to Regie Renault! ....you should really declare that to the World, you know.

Answer: Absolutely not! You are so wrong. Citroen may have some of the least-polluting cars - but it is exactly those lowest-co2 cars which consumers CANNOT buy on this dubious scrapping scheme. Having crushed a perfectly good 1999 Fiesta in return for a £2,000 bribe (carefully offset by three price rises in 2009, the last one this very day, probably a complete coincidence), a rebadged Japanese-built Mitsubishi sale is saved. Crushing roadworthy cars is absolutely nutty. What would you say if a perfectly good house was demolished, simply to build a new one? Would you take a scrappage bribe against that? Would you smash a perfectly good light bulb, just to get 10p off a new one? Why not scrap everything made before 2000? Jeez... this whole attitude about crushing good cars by the motor industry will backfire. Who can justify reusing older plastic bags at the supermarket, yet throwing a perfectly good car away? Does the motor industry live on the same planet as everyone else? The motor car industry including the AA is fuelling a new-car buying drought - as which customer will ever be mad enough to buy a new car while the promise of a £2000 scrapping bonus is being touted? A gross miscalculation like this should see the resignation of the industry body chiefs. Crushing good cars just to sell new ones! Lunacy. Everyone in favour of this should be very ashamed. - Ling

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From: JERRY
08/07/09 - BUSY
"This website is far too busy I hate it. TONE IT DOWN A LITTLE AND YOUR NOT VERY HELPFUL AT ALL"

LING:  Busy??? Of course it is busy! I am busy! Busy people get things done. My customers are busy. However, you seem to be not-very-busy, having lots of time to tell me moaning rubbish like this. I suggest you find something to make yourself a bit busier. - Ling

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From: Kieron Jewess
10/03/12 - No reply & bad design
"Well thank you for not even replying to our request. A simple 'no' we can't supply the Ford Ford ST would have done. Bad business. Even though we are small, one day we may need 50 or 100 cars? Anyhow our creative group have since sourced and leased from Ford the 7x ST Focus's."

LING:  I have no record of "Jewess" "Kieron Jewess" "flux" "studio@flux-creative.co.uk" or "FLUX CREATIVE STUDIO LTD". I think this is all made up. Indeed, the Focus ST has been discontinued, so not sure how you could lease it, at all. I don't believe one word you write. Not only that, but this company (FLUX CREATIVE STUDIO LTD) is listed on RISKDISK as a new company with high risk. You have no accounts posted at all at Companies House. This is a further reason to utterly disbelieve what you say, as you would be lucky to lease a Fiesta, never mind 7 x Focus STs (which don't exist). You seem to be sour website designers who lie for a living. - Ling

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From: Joe gray
14/10/13 - language barriers
"The language is only in english this is an issue "

LING:  Really? Not for my customers, who are from the UK. If you can't speak English, learn it. Nit. - Ling

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From: priya
19/09/12 - too much
"too much colour and infomation"

LING:  Please switch your monitor to black and white, and stop scrolling down. That helps. - Ling

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From: Lucas Cate
30/11/10 - I dont get it.......
"I dont get your site. yeah i know you are leasing cars, but it looks like shit. there is to much stuff on it. by the way why a missle trucK? but my question is why do you have so much stuff on your site? and why dont you lease reall cars like some American Muscle. Like a Ford Mustang or Chevy Camaro?"

LING:  Because Lucas... I am in the UK and we don't have "reallllll" cars like those awful American models, here. No one in the UK will buy those cars, they freak out when they realise how bad they are. Site may look like shit (I disagree) but it make a shit load of money, which is nice. I understand you "don't get it" but then, you are American. - Ling

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From: Ava
16/12/11 - Home page.
"I think that there's too many items on the home page, and I believe that it should be switched around to where the cars on the home page should have they're own page. It looks un-proffessional to me to have all that content on your home page and I'm a web page designer."

LING:  Thanks for the insightful critique. However, I think it looks more unprofessional to make such basic spelling mistakes in your moan (such as your spelling of unprofessional). Also, your grammar stinks... you should say "there ARE too many items"... not "there's" = there IS too many items. Also, you nit, you write; "they're own page", which means "there ARE home page". It should be "their own page", in the possessive. It's a good job you're a web page designer, not a web page copy writer. So, your English stinks and I'm a Chinese! - Ling

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From: Robert
18/04/12 - You Cunt!!!
"you Chinky cunt stole my car!!!!!!!"

LING:  Indeed I did, and then I used it for Chinky takeaway deliveries, so it now smells like a Beijing toilet. You can have your car back now, thanks. Sorry about the sweet and sour sauce on the seats. - Ling

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From: Existing customer
29/12/10 - Car finder
"I'd like to see cars with automatic transmission and sat nav but find it impossible without going through all the details for each car which is like pulling teeth out. Please add a decent car finder or even use google for your site's search engine."

LING:  Hmm, I am working on this. It is a variable issue and is such a heavy search necessary on 20,000 deals. If three people search at the same time, my server grinds to a halt. I cannot do Sat Nav searches, though... just Auto searches. - Ling

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From: Darren Clark
31/03/09 - POLICE/VOSA CAMERA VANS
"Your so right, these guys are very adept at hiding in the least expected places. Last summer, North Wales Police were found to be using a horse box to hide one!! Who would think of looking at an innocent horse box parked alongside a road? I wonder if the Chief Constable in a relative of Ling's!!?"

LING:  Darren, generally, I support speed cameras. There are a bunch of complete lunatics at Safe Speed (a dying breed) who prefer to guess the quickest speed they can drive at then multiply by 85% ...or something. They are crazies. However, disguising a camera in a horse box is dangerous, the flash could make the horse blind. I have many senior and regular policemen as customers, they are all lovely and they all say they would let me off a speeding fine. How sweet. This is not a real moan, please reserve this page for real moans. - Ling

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From: BEC!
14/02/10 - Website Anayslis
"Yes this is long so get over it! Ok so your wwebsite isn't that great. It needs a bit of work and to move awayform the childish colours. The pages go on forever and it just is so hard to find anything with all the flashing pictures. No offence or anything but you look like a man in your pictures and what is with the peace sign. Ok so I am from Australia and have to do a website analsis and have choosen your site out of minons of others. Now i have read many of the customers letters that are happy but honestly the website dosen't do them any justice! So long, Farewell Bec from Australia!"

LING:  Ok Bec, well, maybe you need to read this upside down... but the peace sign is two fingers with the back of the hand visible, not the front. Quite the opposite of Winston Churchill. :) Hope you can do website analysis better than you can spell. Spend more time on your English. Remember a website has to make money, not look pretty. You can't pay for food with pretty tokens. - Ling

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From: hgh releaser review
09/02/13 - Some Dodgy Link here
"I'm typically to running a blog and i really respect your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I'm going to bookmark your site and hold checking for brand spanking new information. [DODGY LINK REMOVED]"

LING:  If you keep posting dodgy links, I'll kick your teeth in. - Ling

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From: Paul
23/07/09 - Worst website moan
"Ling Not really a moan at you but these guys http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com/2009/2009-worst-april-june.html They have you position 3 for worst website. I personaly love the this site, so well done and the free publicity from the above cannot be too sad Ps My moan for you is your blog link is not working please fix it "

LING:  For some reason Blog link is SOOOOOOOOOO slow. I cannot figure it out. I am working on it. Google is indexing it fine, so must be some other problem :) Yes... what a shame I did not make number 1. Hahahaha. I must try harder to be world's worst. Valid moan! - Ling

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From: TheKraken
04/09/13 - Contains %50 moan...
"I bet you're sick to death or people moaning about your website. The main thing that bothers me is the giant planets on the home page that cover up the car prices under it. Also, as a avid Star Wars and Star Trek fan, I find the use of Star Wars and Star Trek together rather offensive. Apart from that, I have nothing to complain about. Your service seems good, and your site is funny. P.S. I would hire a car from you but I live all the way in Australia. :)"

LING:  As you are in Australia, this moan is invalid due to being upside down. I am not sure why you think Star Wars and Star Trek use offensive? I sponsor Captain Kirk and Luke Skywalker in their adventures. That big furry bear is delicious, boiled. Click quickly to avoid the car prices being covered up :) - Ling

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From: Sam
30/05/12 - Hey
"Were you born a man? "

LING:  Yes, but just did the body surgery. I avoided the brain surgery that you are booked in for. - Ling

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From: Hope
02/02/14 - Make me laugh
"Can you make me laugh with your reply to this moan... I love you Ling please give me a smart-ass answer that will make my crappy day :)"

LING:  No smart-ass reply, because this isn't a moan. Sorry. - Ling

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From: Charlie Carnochan
29/11/10 - List by car type
"Ling - In the past we have been able to seacrh on your website by car type eg estate which makes it easier to look at prices, maybe I am being blind but cannot see a way to do this, can you put it back on? Thanks"

LING:  Yes, it is there, on my car price list page in the sorting box at the top of the list. Sort by type. You can choose any car body type. It's never been off. - Ling

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From: Leeroy
02/03/10 - Blocked
"You blocked me from your live chat feature, when I was simply looking for a cheap 2 year lease on an automobile. Emma C is a troublemaker and I suggest you deal with her severely. I also don't take kindly to you swearing in your picture to the left of this comment box."

LING:  Leeroy, you are a child, I am afraid. You came on my live chat under several different names last Wednesday. I do check IP addresses. You logged on as Alex, Leroy (you must have got the spelling wrong) and EmmaC. You are from a school in West Berkshire, on the internet service provided by the local council. Your chats were asinine and childish. So, you have been blocked. Any more trouble from you, and I will complain to your headmaster. Your IP has been logged. I am particularly glad you don't like me swearing - so take a look at this : FUCK OFF! - there, is that sweet enough for you? Goodbye, Leroy (or Leeroy, or Alex). - Ling

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From: Warren Davey
03/02/12 - Rubbish website
"This website is crap."

LING:  Oh dear. ...So is your education, it seems. I pass your comments to the Principal of Honiton College, they will be very pleased to see the thoughtful and constructive message left by their student. It's usually Americans who are this daft... but then you are from the West Country, Warren. At least you can spell :) - Ling

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From: FUCK YOU LING
07/10/13 - CUNT
"Oi, i bought a fucking car from you last year and its been fucking amazing, fuck you, selling great cars i hate you, you're a scamming cunt! "

LING:  Somehow, I doubt you are a wonderful customer. However, I will allow readers to make final judgement. - Ling

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From: Marty H
04/01/11 - Moans...
"I am very upset that moans isn't made completely obvious on your website...! this has given me nearly an hour of amusement so far! so I am moaning about the fact that moans doesnt flash nor does it have big letters BOO!"

LING:  Marty, because I need to keep my moan page under the surface, or I would be FLOODED with moans!! Moans are great, like the one from the complete asshole below, hahaha. I keep it discreet :) Thanks so much for non-moan comment. - Ling

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From: steve
13/01/11 - your website
"sucks. would you like me to make it wonderful? seriously, i am a college student and my assignment yesterday was to find 3 beautiful websites, and 3 of the worst sites. you are one of the worst. i think we could help each other. have a nice day."

LING:  Steve, "sucks" is kind of a generalisation that isn't quite true as my award-winning website allows me to move over £35 million (at retail price) of new cars a year, with thousands of very happy customers. However, send me an email to sales@lingscars.com with your detail (CV) and some examples of your work. Always willing to consider drugged up ASBO college kids who can't write with the correct use of caps, and offer them (ie. - you) a helping hand :) Have a nice day yourself. - Ling

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From: Lisa Simpson
07/06/10 - Concerned Citizen
"Hi Ling! I'm not normally the moaning type but here goes: I understand that you have won plenty of awards, and that your site is kinda unique but... Your site has way too much going on. There's flashing popups and stuff that has nothing to do with selling the cars, just to do with you. It's really wrong and you should do something about that. It honestly looks like someone's overpacked a site with b.s and then let a 5 year old loose in windows paint. I'm not one of those moaning kids, I am seriously trying to help you as a concerned citizen. Thank you for your time Lisa"

LING:  Well, thanks, Lisa. However, there are many reasons people visit LINGsCARS; not just to lease a car. Eventually though, I hope everyone (in the UK) can be a customer. There are many sites that provide nothing but bald prices and I simply don't want to do that, I want to build some emotional attachment and goodwill. So, my website will become more diverse, not less. Hope this explains a little bit. - Ling

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From: James
13/02/12 - Webcams
"Your three webcams of your office have not changed for over a week !"

LING:  Three? I have two, they are live. You are idiot. Get new glasses. - Ling

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From: Dispappointed
24/09/09 - Let down
"I got excited my car would be arriving this month and then was let down and was told it was going to be another 3 months at ridiculously short notice. Apparently it was the dealers fault but I only found this information out by chasing myself. It's very easy to deflect the blame this way but it does not change the fact the I feel let down and now have to wait even longer. Also, when you don't feel like enough has been done to remedy the situation, it's even worse. Apart from that, the service is excellent but it's unlikely the rest of the fleet will be purchased from from lingscars.com"

LING:  Well, not exactly the dealer's fault, Phil. More like Audi in Germany. On a routine enquiry (yes, that was asked for by you, I agree) on Audi's system, the dealer was informed Audi have moved build dates. The dealer told me at 10:12 today (so I have hardly been sitting on this info): "Spoken to Audi UK, not good news: this car was taken from our August allocation and will be December delivery as they tell us current supply times are only an estimate and cannot be relied on as car was so popular. Sorry about this but it will not come any faster, whatever we do. I think it may be worth the customer waiting on it though as car is very cheap . Tried but nothing I can do and no other cars available to offer :(" ...after asking that Audi provide a courtesy car, the dealer said "No sorry . I have been in discussions with the Audi area guy and they will not supply and we do not have anything here either, as it is completely out of our control and there is no margin at all to subsidise any car, sorry :(" All this is very bad (by Audi) but out of anyone's control and certainly not anyone's fault in the UK. My own TT cab (arrived this month) was delayed by a month, and the A4 Cab I had previously was delayed like this by Audi for 6 months! Audi are struggling to cope with supply and demand and are screwing with customers. They are providing info like this at the last minute. I have offered alternative (faster to deliver) car to you, an S-Line rather than a base Quattro, slightly more money. If you want this to be discussed publicly I am happy. I can understand how annoyed you feel, but even me, Ling, cannot control the Audi factory! I have been screaming, however... but the Germans ignore me. I am not in control of Audi.de, however hard I try. I can only ever repeat information given to me which I do as soon as I have it. - Ling

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From: dave
10/09/12 - wtf
"wtf is with ur site u mental nut job this is a teriible site and is dangerioyus to eppeleptics and could cause u to be sued "

LING:  a) Wear sunglasses, b) Use earplugs, c) Keep taking your medicine. My beautiful website is not suitable for mentally disabled people, like you. - Ling

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From: Jackson
05/12/11 - Web Site
"dude this page just does not cut it! If you are looking for someone to tidy of your Web site and actually start making some money. Send me an email. Otherwise enjoy being broke. "

LING:  Jackson, I am far from broke, don't worry! You should really check my company's profitability and turnover and do a bit of research before you start claiming I make little money. Bless you my son, for you are stupid. - Ling

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From: Ady Awty
08/11/10 - get off her case
"Before I start it is not a moan, except to moan about the people who have nothing more to do in their lives but complain about this website. if you don't like it close the page!!! I am looking for a good deal on my next lease, and Ling... once I know what to get, you will be supplying it. "

LING:  Hahahaha, this is certainly not a moan!! :) This is a great post and you might have magicked a little bit of extra discount! - Ling

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From: Steve
08/09/09 - Why moan?
"This business idea and Ling herself are classic and the true meaning of the word 'entrepreneur' even the Muppets on dragons den could not see the superb concept through the bad pitch! So stop moaning get off your fat asses and come up with ideas!!! Well done Ling. "

LING:  My God!!! Hahahaha, this is not a moan, but I publish everything sent to me on this page in the interests of full disclosure. So, I would encourage more people to read Steve's remarks as more people should get off their asses and come up with more business ideas, this is true. Thanks for the non-moan, Steve! - Ling

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From: Carly smith
14/04/09 - change in rental price
"Whilst submitting an application form for a Audi A4 Saloon at around £289, which i thought was a bargin, I have now looked into my update and found that the price of rental has increased to £349.00 + VAT. What the hell is going on, how can the price change so much in one day and after I have applied for the car? This is false advertising!! I am not happy!"

LING:  Carly, you are a teacher, but you are not a maths teacher, I think :) The Audi you proposed yesterday has not changed price since 10th Feb 2009. It is now 14th April. I have some pipeline stock which are fixed in price and I aim to allocate one of these cars to you are the price advertised when you are accepted on the finance. I think that the difference you note is VAT which we all have to pay or go to jail. For some reason, you must have been looking at the ex-VAT price which has been £299.99 for over 2 months. Including VAT, this is £344.99. I think this is where you are going wrong. There is no price change and no false advertising. Hope you are happier after reading this. - Ling

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From: Matthew
27/02/10 - Have you realized?
"I was directed to this website from another website called http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com Your website was ranked #1 on the Ugliest / Worst Business Web Sites of 2009. Don't you think you should do something about that?"

LING:  Matthew, it also won the BT Business/NatWest award for IT and Communications 2009. So I would say, it's hard to move from No1 in either direction! :) - Ling

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From: Cheeseman
11/05/12 - IP Block
"Wish the one arsehole in my class would stop irritating your staff! Sorry can you please unblock the ip and ill slap him round the face with a fish if he does it again. Thanks"

LING:  No, because you send this anonymously. Who are you? You must supply a valid email. - Ling

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From: Richard
18/07/11 - Oh goodness.
"Your website is simultaneously awful and awesome. You are the god."

LING:  Richard, I understand this, but your moan fails, as it is not a moan. I should have a eulogy section, I know. But, I don't. Sorry. - Ling

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From: Madmanbennett78
13/04/10 - Instructional Design project
"I came to your website to do an in lab project for my class. The web page I found with your link was www.webpagesthatsuck.com. And from what I see this site does and absouletly SUCKS!. For one you have no structure. Secondly you have to much colors and uneeded fonts. And it takes forever to load. How would anyone needing a car come here is far beyond my understanding. I just think in my opinion that you're ignornant and have poor web design abilities. This is so bad that the whole lab here is laughing at your incomptence in making a web page looked like you let a 5yr old loose on Windows Paint and had them fix this page for you. I wish you luck on your web page. Hopefully nobody will die of seizures and Sue you for accident death by colors and pure color destruction. I think a bat would be more of a customer for you!!"

LING:  Madman, well... I am always suspicious of people who won't use their real names. You should look at my Awards page and read some of the 1,500 testimonials. As with most students, you need to open your mind to what is possible. There are no rules about fonts and colours... and if you or your kind had their way, cars would just come in 2 colours and all look the same. Website works well thanks, it's your brain that needs some work. Wear sunglasses! - Ling

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From: Dominic Calvey
14/02/10 - servicing
"Had loads of lease cars over the years and almost without exception I have had poor experience when taking vehicles to garages for maintenence/repair. What makes you better in demanding and actually getting good service for your customers ? PS like your website though, definitely NOT boring"

LING:  I do not demand that. All new cars are the same, they come with full warranty. So you just roll up at a franchised dealer to get warranty work done. If always getting problems, maybe you need to look in the mirror? Are you upsetting them? Customers usually get good service from dealers, but not if they are insulted. Be nicer to the dealers, that is my advice! - Ling

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From: Jerry
10/07/09 - Not impressed
"when I was talking on the live chat, My son was cut off whilst talking, he despratly needed help. Now I would expect that from annoying little teenagers messing around, but this is out of order. Now, He will look else where, Thankyou. "

LING:  Well... I do not cater for annoying little teenagers. Neither do I cater for serial moaners, Jerry, like you. You have now moaned (with stupid comments) twice in four days. What is so hard about leasing a car? What is the sound of one hand clapping? - Ling

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From: Bruce Wayne
19/04/14 - Batmobile?
"I CANT FIND A BATMOBILE ON YOUR WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF SERVICE IS THIS?"

LING:  I do not list batmobiles as they attract a certain stupid kind of customer. And Robin gets very jealous. So sorry. - Ling

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From: Siraj
09/03/09 - PRICES
"Hi Why is the Audi A3 Sportback 1.6 Technik 5 Door cheaper here: www.keyvehiclemanagement.co.uk (£229.00 p/m) Thanks"

LING:  First, for everyoune reading this, this is not a set-up question. It is real.

Now, it is not cheaper at Keyvehiclemanagement, it is dearer. They are blatantly lying to say they have the cheaper prices. They are representing ex-vat which is quite ILLEGAL to private users, so that it confuses you. Deliberately. You have to add in 15% vat, which makes them more expensive than me. These are the lying and cheating techniques that even the supplier of these cars to Key Vehicle Management tried to outlaw last week, after consultations with me. You will pay more with them.

They are £263.35, I am £258.74 a month inc VAT. All other things are equal. Hope that clarifies it, Siraj :) The legislation info is below:

According to Gateshead Trading Standards, The Pricing Practices Guide made under the "Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008" requires that:

'All price indications you give to consumers, by whatever means, should include VAT. This total price must be displayed prominently so that consumers can see it.

Prices may ONLY be indicated exclusive of VAT at an outlet or through advertisements from which ALL of your business is with business customers.' - Ling

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From: paul
23/02/09 - autos
"hi sorry if i'm a bit thick but i can't find the list of autos u used to do?? thanks paul"

LING:  Paul, no problem. Thick customers a speciality!!! Hope by "Autos" you mean automatics, (not autos=cars), I never know as there are dozens of bloody Americans visiting here.
If you go to the price list tab, you can find a convenient sorting tool just above the price list. Below is an image of it. I have highlighted the "Auto" selection tool and made it look like a gearstick for customers who can't read.



Hope this helps, Paul. - Ling

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From: carl wackan
19/04/11 - YOU ARE A SPAMMER
"We've had this conversation, and you've been nice and quiet. But your back, kindly tell the Idiot who supplies you mail out list they"re SPAMMERS there's rule about it! A business like yours could get a very bad reputation.... you've been told remove me or get listened as SPAM of the month. kind regards Me."

LING:  Hmmm, you seem to have signed up for quite some mailing lists, eh? So sorry, I bought this marketing from a reputable company. I will pass your feedback. This is a genuine moan. - Ling

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