Show FAQ
Close (X)
Close (X)
Close (X)
Close (X)
Want a cheap
new lease car?

Start HERE!

Cheapest Car Leasing CHAT
My Customer Letters!
My Fun Pages!
Read All About Me!
Note: I live inside this website Monday to Friday 9am-6pm, to give you the very best service and make your experience a happy one! - I am Ling, accept no substitutes
Car LeasingCar Leasing
Vote for your favourite motorway sign message!
Version 237.1.
You can trust me! ... In 2015 I rented over £85million of cars (at RRP).
Cars and Vans
How It Works
Price Lists
About Ling
Fun Stuff
Quote/ Order
Customer Maps Customer Letters (1525) Customers Live in Process Website Comments Customer Poetry
Customer Complaints Customers' Driving Licences Customer Stats CUSTOMER LINGO SYSTEM LOGIN Insurance Car Updates E-MAIL SCAM Husband Scrappage Allowance DIY Credit Check


The twitter pigeon is loading "LINGsCARS"
LIVE + KICKING twitter feed... WAIT!

Intro Film News Blog Office TV Contact Moan Links Play Quiz Privacy Policy Google Visitors
Ling Valentine Quote Quote Apply for Quote DRAGONS' DEN

Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling's
complete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."

Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted to
invest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"

Deborah Meaden
"Harrumph! I'm out!"

Ling Valentine is Viz's Official Ethnic Business Ambassador Play stupid crash game! Cheap insurance Google Spider Google Spider
Food --->
Google Spider Food

View LIVE visitors: 39 online

Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is an Audi A3 Sportback 1.6 TDI 16v (110bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel at £276.00 inc VAT at 15:52 yesterday - Ling
Car Leasing Traffic Light

(Please remember you are on a UK
car sales website! It so, so catholic; just like Pope!)

I put so much effort into website, so I am so pleased that some kind customers and visitors contribute beautiful poetry...

Every so often I get email or form submission with beautiful poem attached. So many people say I am the crazy chick (thanks!) but honestly so many visitors much more crazzzzy than me!! Maybe too many people get toxic shock when visit website? So I decide to create a small section here to thank everyone who sends me stuff, and I publish small rhymes and poems and ying/yang or Chi rubbish kind visitors and customers have sent me.

As poetry is art (like anything containing picture of Mao, Elvis, Jesus or dog playing poker in that order!) no-one will want payment or reward for sending poem. But I insist! I have special gift, a bit like poetry book but containing much more wisdom and truth. Mr Mao would thank me for referring to it as poetry. I send every poet a genuine 1960's Red Mao book - in Chinese (of course) but maybe you can ask local Chinese takeaway to translate. As chop chop chef/snakehead takeaway owner probably came to UK to escape Mr Mao in 1970's it will freak them out. Enjoy! However, poem must be worthy to be published and to get special prize.

I decide quality for publish!! No copy of anything allowed, or I chased by copyright lawyers, despite me being Chinese and obviously not covered by Copyright laws! If you send, you allow me to publish for ever, and maybe if you get famous I make royalty, eh? It has to be good to get Thoughts of Mao book, as I don't have many... so poor poems or unfunny limericks (especially if rhyming with "cock") not qualifying at all! - Ling


Below are some of the poems I have received. If you want to send, use form at bottom!! Good entries get Mao book! Hope you enjoy reading... (as usual idiot competitors accuse me of making up poetry - just because they can't get poems, or be bothered to type them. So to prove, I include email address. For spam avoidance, I insert a "_" before the "@" in the email addresses to avoid robot email gathering, so if you contact; make "_@" = "@", OK?) - Ling

"I've butchered the classic Troggs song - 'Wildthing' in the hope that you can find me a motor at my budget. With sincere apologies to The Troggs

Dar Ling, I need a car Ling..... you make everything groovy,
Dar Ling, Wild Ling, I think I need you cos I wanna car for sure,
So come on and get it right....... I need you,
Dar Ling, I need a car Ling..... you make everything groovy,
Car Ling, Dar Ling, I think you move me but I wanna car for sure so come on and get the price tight,
you move me,
Dar Ling, you make my heart sing you make everything groovy .....Wild Ling...."

"If you want nice car from Ms Ling,
All you got to do is give her a ring,
All her cars in perfect working order
They have just been smuggled over the Chinese border.

You rent a car you get a free polo,
Not the Volkswagen one you silly fellow,
Her prices are great and her cars are many,
Don't get her confused with her uncle Benny,
Whose cars are crap and velly smelly.

Choose a car a really nice one,
go out driving and have lots of fun..."
Paul Morgan
CF37 4NT

"Uk car leasing?
- Laughed at by Ling,
Department of Planning?
- Wound up by Ling,
Google's China censoring?
- Chastised by Ling,
The new car I'm driving?
- Supplied by Ling,
The look on my face?
- Smi... Ling!"
Aidan Cook

"There was once a funny girl called Ling,
It appears she comes from Beijing,
Escaped from those crazy communists,
To become a new born capatalist,
Now she lives near the great city of Newcastle,
To lease cars to people free of hassle.

Now I wait for her to quote me a price,
I sit here and eat some special fwied rice,
For in her honour I wove all fings chinese,
Even though my wice has too many peas,
Ling, Ling where have you been all my life,
You could have saved me so much strife.

I saw the prices and had to say,
This site has got to be The Way,
Please crazy China girl send my quote through,
Before the China government come and find you."
Tony Robson
NE16 5HD

"You sent my wife free lunch,
Noodles, coffee and cone to munch,
So I thought I try my luck,
And wish to get a book.

I really wanted shirt,
But the quiz made my brain hurt,
I did not know the answers,
Which meant I had no chances.

I enjoyed your truck movie,
I think it really groovy,
You ought to let people hire it,
If promise not to fire it ;-

I'm going now to read the site,
I hope poem raise a smile,
Everyone should buy your cars,
So you can live in style."
Pete Ffrench
Clay Cross,
S45 9HB

"Rovers are red, black, white, green and blue,
Saloons, hatchbacks and convertibles too,
Body styles and colours galore,
But none with a body like yours, that's for sure.

Noses are red, fingers are blue,
The cold disappears when I think of you,
The warmth that you give is felt deep inside,
And the love you possess, you're unable to hide.

Yes, roses are red and violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet and so are you."
Terry Ive

"At the going down of the sun
And in the evening
Mao will still shoot them?"
John Sweetman

"If you want a car,
Give Ling a ring,
Don't F*** abaht,
Get a motor from Ling"
Jim Dixon
Kirkby in Ashfield,
NG17 7EP

"A message to Mrs Valentine
The teeshirt is now mine
No, I will not go and hide
But will be seen wearing it with pride

Oh, the surprise sweet was better than OK
Why you no import them into the UK?
A Polo, Cola flavour
Not from Germany, but from Chinour"
Alan Edgar
IP11 9LE

"Falling apple blossom floats
Down gentle ripples of stream
Like butterfly
Hovering in eternal sumlight
Of the Master's inner dream

Think not of tomorrow, blossom
Petal gods decree
Blush of apple blossom happiness
On your Honda CR-V"
Rick Blears
WA14 2EB

"We wanted a car without buying,
And decided to lease it from Ling,
She is funny and clever,
And we will love her forever,
So get off your ass and give her a ring!"
Alan Sheridan
Science Works Ltd,
TW11 9BQ

"Dear Miss Ling Valentine,
Please help me if you can,
I'd love to get a sweetie,
And cash from sexy sister Shan!"
Amanda Thomson
CH45 7LF

"Noodle my schmoodle
I've got a pink poodle
I'd like to kanoodle
But I'm doing a doodle"
Mark Stone

"Lots to read
What do I do?
Order my free lunch
Eat it and browse through!"
Helen Murphy
TN23 3PZ

"Ling, Ling, what an interesting site
Full of cars at an amazing price
You've got lots of great features
On speed cameras and stuff
Now give me free dinner
I've sweet talked enough!"
Richard Jones
CF32 8DG

"I looking for a car, you send me cha,
I need a deal, are you for real,
If you send me noodle, I love you oodles"
Tony Holmes
TN24 0DP

"There once was a lady called Ling,
About cars she knew everything,
She was ever so nice,
She'd give out free rice,
I think she's our hire car King"
Chris Roche

"When driving a rented car,
I may need something to munch,
So Ling may be so very kind,
As to send me a free lunch!"
Amanda Thomson
CH45 7LF

"Who wants to taste my general wanna taste my general tso
I am-a give it to you now
Who like my chopstick
hit you when I shit with my little-ass dick. Yellow
If you want to see me eat Jell-O
I never seen nothin' like you before
I can kick you
higher than you can kick me
I can kick you way up into a tree
Who wants a taste of my oo-long tea? Ho ha ho ha who chi chi
Everybody in the phone book name Chang want to see my wang?
Neva Good God hit the gong with a bang. WAAA?
Everybody want to see me throw a fireball but that isn't right not in real life
You'll fall down & break a leg
Everybody want to see me break an egg. Well I do not
but I like fried rice & I aint got lice
Ching chow woah ching wang woo wice
that aint nice for the fortune cookie I always charge you twice
Delivery is free but not from me I always want a dolla fifty
fifty five. want to see me GO GAA? Hit you with the lang. HAI YA!
War when I hit you with the shit do a split
Take a shit have to go eat my shit kung-fu
Want my buffet? You f*cking gay ah
Wai-lo hit you with the hay Stay the f*ck away
Hit you in the balls. Only Americans eat duck sauce
And my soy sauce is for you. I can put it in your shoe
Watch this- I can tiptoe while you take a piss
In my bathroom spy on you while your little boy shits
I can kick you if you do not pay the bill
And if you want a little mint, that is fifty cent, bitch
Everything cost a little bit
So don't expect nothin for free at least from me Ching Chang Chewie
I got you from Taiwan city & Hong Kong
I can smoked a bong & I can do it all night long
And don't mistake me for a Viet Cong
I can get you & tackle you take you never see me
When I get you & bake you
Rope you up & put you in a bamboo cage & make you feel all my rage
Poke you with a little stick until you page your buddies to come napalm me
God damn that shit burned blew away my whole city
Ho Chi Minh Shoot a load on your chin
God damn thats a sad goygo goodbye
And if you want to c'mon in
You can work in to my world where the yellow shit begins HAI YA
Can't be tamed
I got shit to control your brain & it is called
Egg Foo Yung, En Lo Main
So c'mon in baby & have it just the same HAI YA! HAAAAAH!
No wok tow ung di day"
Robert van den Bogaerde
RG18 4BX

"There once was a girl named Ling
Who may have been to Beijing
She stole the red book
And to get her off the hook
She spreads its word to the capital nations of the British Empire :-)"
Stuart Fortune

Cheap Contract HireAll my contract hire cars come with the FULL manufacturer's warranty. So you'll have no repair bills!

UK Contract HireNEW FEATURE "There is no free lunch" - YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer! Click here - Ling

Crash tests!
I take the trouble to show every crash test for my new cars, in the interests of customer health and safety!
Click HERE - Ling

Read my customer letters! Choose your nearest CITY or AREA and read letters from customers close to you!

Cheap Insurance
So many customers recommend so I pass on details of this cheap contract hire car insurance company... for all visitors! - Ling

LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web!
- Ling

Q: "Name kind and benign world leader who invented Lada car?" A: Comrade Joe! Try my new quiz - click here. It's not easy! - Ling

For updates and comments, plus my opinions, new car feed, interesting stuff, latest deals, and me... click here. - Ling

Use this form to get change or add spec or mileage for a car on my list. Please don't ring with quote requests!
Click here -Ling

Read my customer letters! Click on your own NAME and read letters from customers called the same name ...hehe!

Every brand new car has breakdown cover. This means no roadside repair bills for your contract hire car!

Contract RentalFREE delivery and collection is included with most cars! A driver will drop off and collect your new car!

New Lease CarsCompare the daily cost of your prospective car to a packet of cigs. Easily work out the REAL cost of your new contract hire car! COOL!

Read my customer letters! Choose a CAR TYPE and read letters from customers who have rented this type from me!

To avoid working and waste some time, enjoy to watch my 10 top favourite funny-as-hell TV car adverts here
- Ling

Note: I strip out all extra ads to make this VERY big page load faster for you - I try to treat you like adult, not idiot - Ling

Close (X)