Hi! I am Ling from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is an Audi A3 Sportback 1.6 TDI 16v (110bhp) Sport Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel at £276.00 inc VAT at 15:52 yesterday - Ling
POETRY from CUSTOMERS and CRAZY VISITORS! (Please remember you are on a UK car sales website! It so, so catholic; just like Pope!)
I put so much effort into website, so I am so pleased that some kind customers and visitors contribute beautiful poetry...
Every so often I get email or form submission with beautiful poem attached. So many people say I am the crazy chick (thanks!) but honestly so many visitors much more crazzzzy than me!! Maybe too many people get toxic shock when visit website? So I decide to create a small section here to thank everyone who sends me stuff, and I publish small rhymes and poems and ying/yang or Chi rubbish kind visitors and customers have sent me.
As poetry is art (like anything containing picture of Mao, Elvis, Jesus or dog playing poker in that order!) no-one will want payment or reward for sending poem. But I insist! I have special gift, a bit like poetry book but containing much more wisdom and truth. Mr Mao would thank me for referring to it as poetry. I send every poet a genuine 1960's Red Mao book - in Chinese (of course) but maybe you can ask local Chinese takeaway to translate. As chop chop chef/snakehead takeaway owner probably came to UK to escape Mr Mao in 1970's it will freak them out. Enjoy! However, poem must be worthy to be published and to get special prize.
I decide quality for publish!! No copy of anything allowed, or I chased by copyright lawyers, despite me being Chinese and obviously not covered by Copyright laws! If you send, you allow me to publish for ever, and maybe if you get famous I make royalty, eh? It has to be good to get Thoughts of Mao book, as I don't have many... so poor poems or unfunny limericks (especially if rhyming with "cock") not qualifying at all! - Ling
Below are some of the poems I have received. If you want to send, use form at bottom!! Good entries get Mao book! Hope you enjoy reading...(as usual idiot competitors accuse me of making up poetry - just because they can't get poems, or be bothered to type them. So to prove, I include email address. For spam avoidance, I insert a "_" before the "@" in the email addresses to avoid robot email gathering, so if you contact; make "_@" = "@", OK?) - Ling
"I've butchered the classic Troggs song - 'Wildthing' in the hope that you can find me a motor at my budget. With sincere apologies to The Troggs
Dar Ling, I need a car Ling..... you make everything groovy, Dar Ling, Wild Ling, I think I need you cos I wanna car for sure, So come on and get it right....... I need you, Dar Ling, I need a car Ling..... you make everything groovy, Car Ling, Dar Ling, I think you move me but I wanna car for sure so come on and get the price tight, you move me, Dar Ling, you make my heart sing you make everything groovy .....Wild Ling...."
"If you want nice car from Ms Ling, All you got to do is give her a ring, All her cars in perfect working order They have just been smuggled over the Chinese border.
You rent a car you get a free polo, Not the Volkswagen one you silly fellow, Her prices are great and her cars are many, Don't get her confused with her uncle Benny, Whose cars are crap and velly smelly.
Choose a car a really nice one, go out driving and have lots of fun..."
Paul Morgan Pontypridd,
CF37 4NT firstname.lastname@example.org
"Uk car leasing? - Laughed at by Ling, Department of Planning? - Wound up by Ling, Google's China censoring? - Chastised by Ling, The new car I'm driving? - Supplied by Ling, The look on my face? - Smi... Ling!"
Aidan Cook Leeds,
LS8 4HU email@example.com
"There was once a funny girl called Ling, It appears she comes from Beijing, Escaped from those crazy communists, To become a new born capatalist, Now she lives near the great city of Newcastle, To lease cars to people free of hassle.
Now I wait for her to quote me a price, I sit here and eat some special fwied rice, For in her honour I wove all fings chinese, Even though my wice has too many peas, Ling, Ling where have you been all my life, You could have saved me so much strife.
I saw the prices and had to say, This site has got to be The Way, Please crazy China girl send my quote through, Before the China government come and find you."
Tony Robson Sunniside,
NE16 5HD (witheld)firstname.lastname@example.org
"You sent my wife free lunch, Noodles, coffee and cone to munch, So I thought I try my luck, And wish to get a book.
I really wanted shirt, But the quiz made my brain hurt, I did not know the answers, Which meant I had no chances.
I enjoyed your truck movie, I think it really groovy, You ought to let people hire it, If promise not to fire it ;-
I'm going now to read the site, I hope poem raise a smile, Everyone should buy your cars, So you can live in style."
Pete Ffrench Clay Cross,
S45 9HB email@example.com
"Rovers are red, black, white, green and blue, Saloons, hatchbacks and convertibles too, Body styles and colours galore, But none with a body like yours, that's for sure.
Noses are red, fingers are blue, The cold disappears when I think of you, The warmth that you give is felt deep inside, And the love you possess, you're unable to hide.
Yes, roses are red and violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you."
Terry Ive Eastwood,
SS9 5QE firstname.lastname@example.org
"At the going down of the sun And in the evening Mao will still shoot them?"
John Sweetman Wakefield,
WF2 0PY email@example.com
"If you want a car, Give Ling a ring, Don't F*** abaht, Get a motor from Ling"
Jim Dixon Kirkby in Ashfield,
NG17 7EP firstname.lastname@example.org
"A message to Mrs Valentine The teeshirt is now mine No, I will not go and hide But will be seen wearing it with pride
Oh, the surprise sweet was better than OK Why you no import them into the UK? A Polo, Cola flavour Not from Germany, but from Chinour"
Alan Edgar Felixtowe,
IP11 9LE email@example.com
"Falling apple blossom floats Down gentle ripples of stream Like butterfly Hovering in eternal sumlight Of the Master's inner dream
Think not of tomorrow, blossom Petal gods decree Blush of apple blossom happiness On your Honda CR-V"
Rick Blears RMS PR Ltd,
WA14 2EB firstname.lastname@example.org
"We wanted a car without buying, And decided to lease it from Ling, She is funny and clever, And we will love her forever, So get off your ass and give her a ring!"
Alan Sheridan Science Works Ltd,
TW11 9BQ email@example.com
"Dear Miss Ling Valentine, Please help me if you can, I'd love to get a sweetie, And cash from sexy sister Shan!"
"Who wants to taste my general tso...you wanna taste my general tso
I am-a give it to you now
Who like my chopstick
hit you when I shit with my little-ass dick. Yellow
If you want to see me eat Jell-O
I never seen nothin' like you before
I can kick you
higher than you can kick me
I can kick you way up into a tree
Who wants a taste of my oo-long tea? Ho ha ho ha who chi chi
Everybody in the phone book name Chang want to see my wang?
Neva Good God hit the gong with a bang. WAAA?
Everybody want to see me throw a fireball but that isn't right not in real life
You'll fall down & break a leg
Everybody want to see me break an egg. Well I do not
but I like fried rice & I aint got lice
Ching chow woah ching wang woo wice
that aint nice for the fortune cookie I always charge you twice
Delivery is free but not from me I always want a dolla fifty
fifty five. want to see me GO GAA? Hit you with the lang. HAI YA!
War when I hit you with the shit do a split
Take a shit have to go eat my shit kung-fu
Want my buffet? You f*cking gay ah
Wai-lo hit you with the hay Stay the f*ck away
Hit you in the balls. Only Americans eat duck sauce
And my soy sauce is for you. I can put it in your shoe
Watch this- I can tiptoe while you take a piss
In my bathroom spy on you while your little boy shits
I can kick you if you do not pay the bill
And if you want a little mint, that is fifty cent, bitch
Everything cost a little bit
So don't expect nothin for free at least from me Ching Chang Chewie
I got you from Taiwan city & Hong Kong
I can smoked a bong & I can do it all night long
And don't mistake me for a Viet Cong
I can get you & tackle you take you never see me
When I get you & bake you
Rope you up & put you in a bamboo cage & make you feel all my rage
Poke you with a little stick until you page your buddies to come napalm me
God damn that shit burned blew away my whole city
Ho Chi Minh Shoot a load on your chin
God damn thats a sad goygo goodbye
And if you want to c'mon in
You can work in to my world where the yellow shit begins HAI YA
Can't be tamed
I got shit to control your brain & it is called
Egg Foo Yung, En Lo Main
So c'mon in baby & have it just the same HAI YA! HAAAAAH!
No wok tow ung di day"
Robert van den Bogaerde Thatcham,
RG18 4BX cleverboy_@_dodgeit.com
"There once was a girl named Ling
Who may have been to Beijing
She stole the red book
And to get her off the hook
She spreads its word to the capital nations of the British Empire :-)"
Stuart Fortune Portsmouth,
PO4 8HL firstname.lastname@example.org
All my contract hire cars come with the FULL manufacturer's warranty. So you'll have no repair bills!
NEW FEATURE "There is no free lunch" - YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer! Click here - Ling
Crash tests! I take the trouble to show every crash test for my new cars, in the interests of customer health and safety! Click HERE- Ling
Read my customer letters! Choose your nearest CITY or AREA and read letters from customers close to you!
So many customers recommend so I pass on details of this cheap contract hire car insurance company... for all visitors! - Ling
LINGsCARS is the ONLY new car supplier to display and promote environmental info for ALL new cars, on the web! - Ling
Q: "Name kind and benign world leader who invented Lada car?" A: Comrade Joe! Try my new quiz - click here. It's not easy! - Ling
For updates and comments, plus my opinions, new car feed, interesting stuff, latest deals, and me... click here. - Ling
GET A QUOTE! Use this form to get change or add spec or mileage for a car on my list. Please don't ring with quote requests! Click here -Ling
Read my customer letters! Click on your own NAME and read letters from customers called the same name ...hehe!
Every brand new car has breakdown cover. This means no roadside repair bills for your contract hire car!
FREE delivery and collection is included with most cars! A driver will drop off and collect your new car!
Compare the daily cost of your prospective car to a packet of cigs. Easily work out the REAL cost of your new contract hire car! COOL!
Read my customer letters! Choose a CAR TYPE and read letters from customers who have rented this type from me!
To avoid working and waste some time, enjoy to watch my 10 top favourite funny-as-hell TV car adverts here - Ling
Note: I strip out all extra ads to make this VERY big page load faster for you - I try to treat you like adult, not idiot - Ling