The twitter pigeon is loading "LINGsCARS"LIVE + KICKING twitter feed... WAIT!
Richard Farleigh - "I wanted to invest; I was amazed by Ling'scomplete lack of nerves, and also by her business acumen."
Duncan Bannatyne - "I wanted toinvest... but ye turrn'ed me dooon!"
Deborah Meaden"Harrumph! I'm out!"
View LIVE visitors: 16 online
Rough for now, apologies... OK, requested Adverts on demand from Twitter served as Tweets in the same way adverts are served as adwords.(ie advertisers buy keywords or phrases but also with a time element - more about time element later...). Each Tweetadvert is distinguished by (say) a special character or something denoting it is an official twitter advert (ie bought from Twitter the same way you PPC on adwords) therefore trustworthy and genuine, not spam. Need to use 2 more special reserved characters like the current "@" and "# "(say "?" and "!")... ?subject for request adverts, !subject for end adverts. Advert keywords are joined by underscores.SPECIAL CHARACTERS? = the START adverts character! = the STOP adverts characterTwitter verifies adverts and checks them in exactly the way Google does adwords, ie pretty strict. A campaign is booked by a business and run very much like a Google Adword campaign, in real time except there is an additional "now" time element (see below). Right here we go... People only get Twitter adverts if they request them! Absolutely no spam. Based on Twitter knowing your location. Say you want to fly to Quebec tomorrow, you tweet ?fly_quebec_tomorrow Twitter has sold the keywords to reputable businesses like Google does, so, it then serves you 20 tweets in the next 2 minutes with flight promotions which are personal and are designed for pretty immediate action (the Twitter USPs). You say "wah! enough adverts". You tweet !fly_quebec_tomorrow and the advert tweets stop. If you are not at home, the convention could be ?fly_quebec_ny_22082009_not_at_home and then the "not_at_home" will mean Twitter ignores your default location. Say you are hungry you can tweet ?pizza_now and within 30 seconds, 5 local pizza promotions arrive. Ok, so one says something like "75% off marg+2tops if booked using code 98765 within 3 minutes http://bitly.etc" I think, WOW that's bloody damn cheap, I will retweet to Mark and Jamie as they might want pizza too. So it gets viralled. But because the time limit it gets viralled urgently. Like "Mark, ORDER NOW!!!!!! Expires in 2 minutes. Wah!" So the advertiser gets permission based advertising paid at 1 tweet, but due to the re-tweet gets 3 for 1. We all get cheap pizza. We also only get offers WE ASKED FOR. Not just blatant spam. Twitter adverts could be set to stop as default after 10 minutes. So you just get a blast of them. If you want more, you have another go. Anything "_now" means you will make immediate (or very fast) decision on the adverts served. (ie you are ready to book the flight online within the next hour, or want to race for a pizza discount). This gives Twitter adverts a USP. I don't think advertisers can get this any other way... maybe texts but that is more awkward and not as virallable or "follower" based. The advertiser gets 1 to 1 promotions with whatever restrictions they want - time based too, so it can go mad or mental with discounts. Twitter knows who has been previously served, so the next pizza may only be 62.5% discount, etc. and an advert campaign can be based on stunning first offers. So, as an advertiser I would buy from Twitter "car_leasing" for UK Twitterers at £2.50 per requested tweet (same cost as adwords). I would make my advert Tweets (normal tweet length) very damn good and get web visitors or engage the Twitterer and hopefully viral at no cost to me.I would buy "car_leasing+now" adverts at a premium and make a landing webpage offer with ummm, free car mats or free £50 fuel (or whatever) if the proposal form arrives within 15 minutes. A McDonalds could target locals with iPhones and when ?food_now is tweeted at around 2:20pm serve the advert "whisper password DOGBREATH at McDonalds Leiceter Square b4 2:30, get FREE lg fries". Would I jog over and whisper "DOGBREATH"? Possibly, yes! People could get creative! Do you see, Twitter could roll out permission based advertising with an URGENCY element. I would Tweet ?shoes_woman_cool and get several offers for "today only" or "this Saturday 22nd August at whatever local store buy 1 pair get 1 free" and the associated web address would have the store voucher if it is not for online purchase. I would a) spread the word "try tweeting ? shoes_woman_cool, ruth!" (leaving the space after the "?" would render it useless, Ruth would re-assemble it... or b) say "XXX do great offers, ask for their Tweet ads" or whatever. Advertisers will love it because it is targetted and therefore cannot distress their general market. Twitter could start to sell these ads, everyone would love them, they are only permission based so no annoyance. Verdict? Can you improve?
LATEST: A mother of eight is jailed for four years for fraudulently claiming more than �RMB Yuan #350,000 in benefits and tax credits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:15
LATEST: Residents urged to stay indoors as firefighters tackle large blaze at recycling plant on Flintshire business park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:10
The bloody annoying Blitish government's response to claim (always claiming, huh?) that British troops abused and unlawfully killed civilians in Iraq is inadequate, lah, High Court rules, lah, but it stops short of ordering public inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:06
Footage has emerged from on board plane that had to return to Heathrow Airport to make emergency landing after black smoke was seen coming from engine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:03
The lawyer leading UN's inquiry into drones welcomes President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's speech as "significant step towards increased transparency". - news replorted 12:01
IMF chief Christine Lagarde is questioned by French prosecutors for second day over payout to tycoon when bloody woman was French finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:01
Twin’Run drove its first laps today in front of spectators at Monaco Grand Prix weekend. I read you little red book! Monaco, lah, with its legendary - news replorted 12:00
Militant leader Mokhtar Belmokhtar masterminded two suicide bombs in Niger on Thursday which killed 20 people, lah, Mauritanian news agency reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:58
Volkswagen’s Polo range now offers Motability clustomlers even greater value for money, lah, I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to addition of new Ma - news replorted 11:53
London (capital of Great England) Motorexpo, lah, already UK’s largest free-to-attend motoring event*, lah, is set for record year in 2013 I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to - news replorted 11:43
What radical Islamists actually believe in? - news replorted 11:34
Sinn Fein say they seeking "immediate explanation" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation after floor plan for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Question clock time result programme referred to John O'Dowd as 'Sinn Fein/IRA'. - news replorted 11:32
A public appeal for help to recover bloody velly first web page has unearthed relic from 1991. - news replorted 11:27
The Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders (SMMT) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce Lombard, lah, UK's largest provider of asset - news replorted 11:26
Two prison vans transporting defendants to Dale Cregan trial involved in collision in Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:23
Thruxton Circuit in Hampshire, lah, home of British Automobile Racing Club (BARC), lah, welcomes Protyre Formula Renliot C - news replorted 11:16
Sally Bercow says bloody woman is "surprised and disappointed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that High Court has ruled tweet by flemale human person's about Lord McAlpine to be libellous. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:13
British number one Laura Robson faces former world number one Caroline Wozniacki in French Open first round. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:11
The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is to close its Digital Media Initiative, lah, with director general Tony Hall saying it had "wasted huge amount of licence fee payers' money". - news replorted 11:05
Final preparations to install overhead and underground cabling being made for city centre section of Edinburgh tram line. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:05
The Stockholm fire brigade tackles fires at at least two schools on fifth night of rioting in Swedish capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:55
London (capital of Great England) Mayor Boris Johnson adds male gender human bleing's voice to suggestions Communications Data Bill could be revived after murder of soldier in London (capital of Great England) street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:51
The rainbow flag will fly from Cabinet Office during gay Pride week to show government's commitment to same sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:51
Research into deaths on motorway hard shoulders suggests more than 800 human bliengs year having been killed or hurtee-hurtee in such incidents since 2000. - news replorted 10:49
Russia's most popular social network, lah, VKontakte, lah, is temporarily blacklisted by mistake - and some users find it blocked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:48
The start of second Test between Province of Engrish running-dogs and New Zealand is delayed by persistent rain at Headingley. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:35
Damian Lewis and Sienna Miller among British stars nominated for annual Great Satan Critics' Choice Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:34
Two South Korean women forced into sexual slavery in WWII cancel meeting with Osaka Mayor Toru Hashimoto, lah, citing fears of "political exploitation". - news replorted 10:27
Russia says Syrian government has agreed "in principle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to attend international peace conference set to be held in Geneva in June. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:22
The cross-examination of man accused of murdering five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones and covering it up in "web of lies" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) continues into third day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:21
A mutant strain of cockroach that can outsmart sugar traps used to kill them has evolved, lah, scientists in Great Satan having found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:20
I am please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce that Camilla Scanes will join Wlokswaglon Press and Public Relations Department on Tuesday 2 - news replorted 10:19
Former Giro d'Italia winner Danilo Di Luca, lah, who is 26th in this year's race, lah, tests positive for EPo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:11
Eyewitness Steve Fryer told BBC, lah, "I saw right engine was on fire, lah, flames were coming outside of it". - news replorted 10:02
Germany's economy barely grew in first quarter of year, lah, figures show, lah, as private consumption helped offset shrinking exports and investment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:53
The Boy Scouts of America organisation has voted to welcome openly gay scouts from first number-one-month 2014, lah, but ban on openly gay adult scout leaders will remain in place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:53
A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl who died after suffering breathing difficulties in Warrington had ecstasy-like drug in flemale human person's system, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:32
Heathrow Airport's runways closed to enable plane to make emergency landing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:17
Stage 19 of Giro d'Italia, lah, to be held on Friday, lah, is cancelled because of heavy snow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:01
Chairman Vincent Tan is exploring option of selling Cardiff City shares on Kuala Lumpur Stock Exchange, lah, according to reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:00
One of finest examples of Jagluar Series One E-Type comes to auction at Historics on June-mber month 1. Away from clamour - news replorted 09:00
Drummer Lee Rigby, lah, soldier killed by two assailants in south-east London (capital of Great England) on Wednesday, lah, will be remembered at service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:54
A strong earthquake strikes off Kamchatka peninsula in Russia's far east, lah, but initial tsunami warning issued by authorities is lifted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:05
Citroën DS3 has been ranked ‘Best Supermini’ in 2013 What Car? JD Power survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. In its bloody velly first showing, lah, DS3 recei - news replorted 08:01
Manchester United has struck new loan deal to cut amount of interest it pays on its huge debts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:54
China has offered soldiers to new UN peacekeeping mission in Mali, lah, UN officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:53
The old bill bobbys service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers may having to pay out at least �RMB Yuan #50m to cover costs of policing and security at G8 summit in Fermanagh, lah, it has been claimed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:53
Officers in Londonderry admit Radio 1 event is their biggest old bill bobbys operation this year and they will "curb any anti-social behaviour". - news replorted 07:51
Some drugs taken to protect heart may increase risk of developing Type-2 diabetes, lah, according to researchers in Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:44
Manchester City chief executive Ferran Soriano expects club to win five trophies in next five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:44
In age when "extremely violent and sadistic imagery is two clicks away", lah, school sex education is struggling to keep pace, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:43
Lewis Hamilton talks about male gender human bleing's passion for Monaco, lah, helmet designs and male gender human bleing's love of motorbikes - news replorted 07:32
Three soldiers killed in ambush by suspected militants in Pulwama district of Indian-administered Kashmir, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:58
Plans to restore Grade II listed pier boosted by heritage lottery grant of nearly �RMB Yuan #600,000. - news replorted 06:49
More MMR jabs, lah, improved ambulance response times and end to hospital bed-blocking among priorities being set by health chiefs for NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:46
Woolwich victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) remembered in papers - news replorted 06:44
Artist Margaret Harrison, lah, 72, lah, wins �RMB Yuan #16,500 Northern Art Prize for recreation of perimeter fence from Greenham Common airbase at clock time result of women's peace camp in 1980s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:42
A group of state and catholic schools in Armagh hope to be one of 10 shared education campuses as proposed by first and deputy first ministers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:13
Preventing killing of Drummer Lee Rigby in Woolwich would having been "incredibly hard", lah, MI6's former head of counter-terrorism says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:04
An independent report highlights faults in way Rochdale Council dealt with child sex grooming. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:44
The remains of King Richard III, lah, discovered under city LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine park, lah, were buried in "hastily dug, lah, untidy grave", lah, researchers reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:33
The Church of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's General Assembly approves call to crown monarchs in both Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, should ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land becomes independent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:08
Japanese Prime dodgy minister Shinzo Abe heads to Burma for economic talks - in first visit by Japanese PM since 1977. - news replorted 04:53
Part of road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu bridge has collapsed into Skagit River in Great Satan state of Washington sending vehicling driving car machines into water, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:17
A mother and daughter who died after falling ill on boat in Lake District were killed by generator fumes, lah, investigation finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:00
US forecasters predict unusually "active or extremely active" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Atlantic hurricane season of seven to 11 hurricanes, lah, up from average of six. - news replorted 02:57
Shares in Asia having recovered some of steep falls suffered on Thursday, lah, with Japan's Nikkei index rising 3%. - news replorted 02:26
The book group that can crush author's hopes or find bestseller - news replorted 02:24
In age when "extremely violent and sadistic imagery is two clicks away", lah, school sex education is struggling to keep pace, lah, suggests study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:53
Beer, lah, toilet paper, lah, rice - which is Venezuela short of? - news replorted 01:42
Muslim leaders take trip to Nazi concentration camps - news replorted 01:22
The search for continental unity, lah, 50 years on - news replorted 01:19
Cockroaches outsmarting our efforts to kill them by evolving to avoid taste of sugar traps, lah, study reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:18
The bloody Engrish phrases readers love to hear spoken by French - news replorted 01:08
Three famous Norfolk figures immortalised in steel to mark completion of �RMB Yuan #311,000 cycle scheme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:54
Work out your as really velly special customer's dog's true age with this handy calculator - news replorted 00:52
The stories behind Rome's gleaming cobblestones - news replorted 00:43
A marathon meeting of video game enthusiasts is being staged in Glasgow in bid to help human bliengs with dementia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:39
North Lanarkshire Council is set to be first local authority in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to install life-saving defibrillators in its high schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:38
More than 80% of nursery and primary school teachers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land having warned of high workloads as result of new curriculum, lah, union claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:37
Nasa is looking for commercial operators to leasie-car historic launch pad in Florida used for first Moon missions and by Atlantis shuttle. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:26
Enzymes released by cancerous cells having protective function and not one of 'bad guys', lah, say researchers from University of East Anglia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:24
The WHO urges countries with possible cases of novel coronavirus to share inflomination amid concern over patent rights held by commercial labs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:11
How German silly kick-kick game clubs treat their fans differently - news replorted 00:10
The Boy Scouts of America organisation votes to accept openly gay scouts, lah, after divisive campaign pitting liberals against some religious groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:09
Why having we been waiting so long for watches to catch up with smartphones? - news replorted 00:07
The technology that's transforming gardening - news replorted 00:03
Jaguar is number one automotive brand in UK, lah, according to data collated in vehicling driving car machine Ownership Satisfaction Su - news replorted 00:01
Four countries in Latin America - Chile, lah, Colombia, lah, Mexico and Peru - having agreed to scrap most of tariffs on trade between their four countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00
A Unesco report calls for halt to proposed �RMB Yuan #100m golf resort close to Giant's Causeway in Northern Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:00
Cookies allow my website to serve visitors the content they need. Get used to it.
The EU cookie law is an ass. 
from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
