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Hi! I am Ling Cheap Car Leasing - WAH! from Dragons' Den. I lease cheap new cars!
UPDATE... The latest car I've added is a Nissan Qashqai Hatchback (2021 on) 1.3 DiG-T MH N-Connecta [Glass Roof] (140bhp) Hatchback 5dr Petrol Manual Petrol at £389.00 inc VAT at 12:58 yesterday - Ling
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DEALER LETTER TEMPLATE
and HELPFUL ADVICE
from Ling


Note: Cars should be washed prior to delivery. (Please take note Brindley Honda Birmingham)

So many dealers fall into trap of dealer-speak. Please avoid!

Dealers often want to supply cars or deals. This little window for dealers, but customers might read it. You welcome. But warning; you might get offended by Ling truth below.

Below is guide for dealer-to-Ling letter.
I not try to make fun of dealers, but some very very good, some truly worse than shit of dog.

For stupid dealers, I will explain; Customers do not want shit of dog, OK?

If you don't recognise this is truth then bye bye, baby. As Mao said: "Diplomacy come from barrel of gun." Gun in my hand because I touch customer, I give dealer sales. (Frankly, while I rant, if dealers did job well, they should put me OUT of job! Good job there are so many dog shit dealers.) Easy, eh? BANG, BANG!

It saves much time if we all understand customer priorities, I hope you agree?

Following is sensible idea for letter to me... I WELCOME DEALER LETTERS!

 

Letter Template to dealers

"Dear Ling,
My name is XXX.
I work for/own dealer XXX. I can supply XXX brand cars. Current offers I can supply, AND CAN GET STOCK TO DELIVER are:

1. (example) Renault Clio 1.5 DCi Dynamique met 3+23 £125 (and any other important info).

2. (example) Renault Clio 1.5 DCi Dynamique met 3+23 £125 (and any other important info).

3. (example) Renault Clio 1.5 DCi Dynamique met 3+23 £125 (and any other important info).

I will process your finance proposals immediately, communicate without delay, give accurate information re delivery status/date of the car(s) and generally behave well. If my offers are very good, I accept you may flood me with orders, and I will cope with this. I will be big enough to tell you when I run out of cars so customers don't get pissed off with non-existent cars like they do from other brokers/dealers. If my offers are quite poor, I accept I may only get a trickle of orders and I will not complain about this. I understand that Ling presents all cars equally, that PMH Contracts is a great leveller, and that whatever I think of my own deals, they will have to stack up against other deals and beat them, to win orders.

I will pay Ling commission on each car delivered, upon receipt of invoice with no damn payment delays, amount to be confirmed.

I am nice person and you will enjoy dealing with me. I take joke well, in order to sell XXXX (brand), I have to." (This last sentence is test to see if dealer is up own arse re. brand)

Hope all dealers accept this is clear way of writing "Can I supply" letter. Feel free to change it, but introduce dealer-speak will get letter filed in bin.

Use copy/paste to compile your email/fax/letter.



Helpful Advice to dealers

10 ideas for dealers who want to chip away on their costs to provide cheaper offers: (note you MUST pass on savings into deal to make worthwhile and sell lots of cars)

1. Cut all the crap. Customers don't want key fobs, window stickers, mats etc. Cutting this saves £25. Cut out tank of fuel saves £45. Deliver with 2 litres, tell customer "1st journey, filling station!" Just cheap prices/good service.

2. Use manufacturer service to valet, PDI, plate and deliver directly. Eg; Fiat use Walon, Renault use CAT, BMW use Thorne, etc. PDI away from dealership means you do not pay stupid high internal PDI/plate charge to your own service dept. Do not accept from anyone they cannot do this. They can. If car not land at dealership, you save money, customer save money. Dealership stupid expensive glass palace place. Save approx £100 in hidden costs. Much more in delivery costs. All you need to do from dealership, simply post out road tax. This suggestion needs mind-change. Try plugging mind into mains 240v. It will work. Bear in mind customer likes car delivered on 40' transporter in front of work/home. Now they KNOW they are getting trade price deal! Impresses hell out of friends neighbours. Why on earth you think they want to come to glass palace dealership? Think from customer head, not dealer or manufacturer head! Oh, Ling so brilliant!

3. Work out stock availability; don't waste time and energy and money selling cars not exist.

4. Make sure salesman/admin organised and computerised properly. Do everything once, correctly. Not many times wrongly. Double check EVERTHING. As Chinese execution squad leader say; "aim twice, shoot once".

5. Attack manufacturer for subsidy. Get any budget or bonus and rape it to subsidise this deal. E.g. Get extra marketing budget for X number cars, then add in to this deal.

6. Analyse shitty manufacturer targets. Use this deal to sell cars for target, model-mix, etc. Use some of extra bonus achieved (maybe 1% on all dealership sales) to subidise this deal.

7. Look at other dealers, see what they are doing to acheive rentals/OTR figure. Copy or improve upon.

8. Ring manufacturer rep. Bribe, cheat, annoy, threaten, give sex deal, blackmail (after sex deal) and pester for money for deal. Use any budget they can access. Some marketing budget. Some fleet budget. Some daily rental budget. Use your head as well as mouth. Use this deal to get HIS/HER target, too. Ask manufacturer rep what THEY need. See if you can work out arrangement. Maybe offer time in your dealer owner's villa in Spain (they all have one). Just get extra support to throw into deal.

9. Check manufacturer over-age stock, and ask for money to help clear it using this deal.

10. Use Ling as CSI customer. I will ensure you get top CSI score, which will give you top bonus amount.

11. To dealership boss: Why use salesman? Let admin deal with Ling sales, cut out any salesman commission, wage, bonus, national insurance, company car, desk/office costs, mobile phone costs (save £100 on mobile phone, alone!), and free up salesman to deal with retail customers and put saving into deal. Or... salesmen agree to lower commission, put saving into deal. After all Ling does "Selling". Salesman does "Admin". Or, usually Admin does "Admin", therefore salesman does "Nothing". Is this near truth? Are you wincing? hehe. More cars = more commission. Do not be greedy bugger. (Sales people might want to not copy/paste this item hehehe, this is why I made it No.11)

In my opinion, you need to decide if you want to go down this road. If answer YES, and you want me to sell volume for you, you should do it like Bull in China shop. Forget retail, this is way to heaven in car sales. My BMW supplier hit his 2005 yearly target in April thanks to Ling sales. Going for it, tiger. - Ling

I love all dealers equally, except those who hit sweet spot with deals. I love those dealers more. - Ling