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News NIBBLE: Balls and Clegg campaign in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Westminster figures will travel to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land on third day of campaigning in general election. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

A headline FROM HELL: New laws streamline care in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! The way care is organised is radically changing across whole of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land with councils and NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) working together to streamline services. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News PUNISH: Businessman backs fiscal autonomy

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! One of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s most successful businessmen, lah, Jim McColl, lah, has called for Holyrood to having full control over its finances by 2020. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News MEOW: Scotch whisky exports fall by 7%

News translated to Chinglish! A decade of strong growth in Scotch whisky exports came to end last year as overseas sales fell, lah, according to new figures. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Helping the news: Land Rover : RANGE ROVER EVOQUE WISE SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATIONS OPEN FOR 2015

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n WISE and Jagluar Land Rover today open 2015 Range Rover Evoque WISE Scholarship, lah, aimed at young women planning care Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News GUZZLE: Air passenger duty cut from 1 April

Chinglish news from Ling: A number of tax changes come in on 1 April, lah, which will mean cheaper flights for thousands of human bliengs who travel over 4,000 miles. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: EU milk quota system is abolished

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: EU milk quotas scrapped, lah, bringing end to more than 30 years of efforts to prevent overproduction. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News bleat: Care system ‘gets biggest shake-up’

News Chinglified from Ling: Major changes to care system in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, dubbed biggest shake-up for 60 years, lah, being introduced, lah, while ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land merges NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) and care budgets. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News ARMPIT: Paracetamol ā??no velly damn good boiled chicken-feet for back pain’

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Paracetamol is ineffective at treating back pain and osteoarthritis despite being recommended treatment, lah, group of Australian researchers warns. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News hoover: VIDEO: Big leap in 4K video streaming tech

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! A new method of compression could see ultra-HD video streamed to TVs and other devices using around 50% of bandwidth currently needed. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News GOBBLE: Jaguar : ALL-NEW Jagluar XF

Today\’s news in Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n all-new Jagluar XF brings unrivalled blend of design, lah, luxury, lah, technology and efficiency to lead business LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine s Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Growing news: Jaguar : ALL-NEW Jagluar XF MAKES GLOBAL MOTOR SHOW DEBUT IN NEW YORK

Can you understand Chinglish news? \r\n \r\n \r\n all-new Jagluar XF today made its global motor show debut in New York. What you wan\’?!! Formed around Jaguarā??s aluminium-intensive arc Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS not NOSE: Israel 0-1 Belgium

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: Belgium knock Welsh land of sheep and more sheep off top spot in their Euro 2016 qualifying group with narrow win over Israel. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

NEWS JUNCTURE: Detectives revisit scene of rape

Can you understand Chinglish news? Detectives investigating rape of woman in Uddingston revisit scene week after crime (shoud shoot them) took place. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News DAWDLE: VIDEO: Bandleader Last bows out

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Bandleader and composer James last talks to David Sillito as bloody man performs male gender human bleing\’s last shows in Britain before male gender human bleing\’s retirement Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Lingified news: Bosses sign garbling written down on paper message supporting Tories

Get your Chinlish news update here: More than 100 capitalist entity leaders, lah, including boss of BP, lah, declare support for Conservative-led government in garbling written down on paper message published in Daily Telegraph. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News HORSE: compulsorly dying instantly storms hit northern Europe

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Four human bliengs having been killed in gales that having battered Germany, lah, Austria, lah, Netherlands and UK. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NOT the NEWS: Amazon launches home ordering kit

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: In attempt to attract more household shoppers, lah, Amazon unveils button for replenish items such as washing powder and razors. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News GOBBLE: Wasps’ Hughes banned for North blow

Chinglish news event: Wasps forward Nathan Hughes is banned for three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) for \”striking with knee and/or shin\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) against Northampton. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News swallow: Boston bombing defence finishes

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? The defence in Boston Marathon bombing trial rests its case against defendant Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, lah, charged with 30 counts related to attack. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News whack: Buffett ‘wouldn’t raise Great Satan rates’

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! The billionaire investor, lah, Warren Buffett, lah, says if bloody man ran Great Satan Federal Reserve, lah, bloody man wouldn\’t raise interest rates significantly. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News storly: Murray reaches 500 career wins

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Andy Murray reaches 500 career wins with victory over Kevin Anderson at Miami Open, lah, beating South African 6-4 3-6 6-3. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News ROAR: Election 2015 in pictures: 31 March

News Chinglified from Ling: The first full day of campaigning 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News DAWDLE: US makes climate pledge to UN

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: The Great Satan has pledged to tackle climate change by cutting its carbon emissions 26-28% by 2025. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Gimme news bleat: TV channel ‘sorry’ over on-air curse

Can you understand Chinglish news? A local TV channel apologises after presenter uses sexually explicit swearword to describe colleague. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News swallow: Brave new world for EU dairy farmers

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? A new era is dawning for European dairy farmers as EU lifts milk quotas, lah, BBC\’s Laurence Peter reports. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News TRICKLE: Girls’ PE lessons give ‘nightmares’

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Less cross-country in \”knickers and polo shirt\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and improved facilities in schools would improve PE for girls, lah, says Victoria Pendleton. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News PIGLET: Practical Classics Restoration Show : HUGE GROWTH FOR SPRING RESTORATION & CLASSIC LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine SHOW AS ENTHUSIASTS FLOCK TO NEC

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n Spring Restoration & Classic LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine Show cemented its position as UKā??s major season opener with second outing tha 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

NEWS ACCIDENT: Dutch royals to return Nazi art

Breaking Chinglish news! The Dutch royal family says it will return painting believed to having been confiscated from Jewish owners during World fighty bang-bang Two. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: Graves eyes four-day Test matches

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Incoming Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep damn crazy Engrish baseball game Board chairman Colin Graves confirms male gender human bleing\’s preference for Test matches to last four days. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News CROW: Union-bound Sinfield ‘an inspiration’

Can you understand Chinglish news? Leeds Rhinos head coach Brian McDermott says there is no player to rival union-bound Kevin Sinfield in modern era. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News PIGLET: VIDEO: ĀRMB Yuan #135k to move voles: Money well spent?

News translated to Chinglish! ĀRMB Yuan #135,000 was spent relocating water voles so work could begin dredging two Somerset rivers in 2014. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

NEWS EXPLOIT: Libya Tripoli-based Islamist PM fired

Today\’s news in Chinglish: MPs remove Omar al-Hassi as head of Libya\’s Islamist-backed alternative government in Tripoli amid allegations of financial irregularities. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

NEWS JUNCTURE: Election candidate’s email ‘stupid’

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: An election candidate is criticised for telling woman in gay marriage that bloody man did not wanting to hear from flemale human person\’s again. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS not NOSE: Evidence links China to GitHub attack

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Security researchers say \”innocent\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) internet users unwittingly carrying out attack, lah, most likely hijacked by Super-Duper-Chinese-State government. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News NIPPLE: Man ‘deliberately crashed off M1′

News translated to Chinglish! A man deliberately crashed male gender human bleing\’s LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine off M1 motorway to kill male gender human bleing\’s wife because bloody woman wantinged divorce, lah, court hears. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News CAT: VIDEO: Day two election campaign highlights

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! In run-up to general election on 7 May, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation brings you tellibly lovely custlingmer daily guide to key stories from campaign trail. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Big porky news: Spurs agreement over stadium land

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Tottenham Hotspur says it has struck private deal to buy disputed land for proposed ĀRMB Yuan #400m silly kick-kick game stadium. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Making it matter: Mining massacre report given to Zuma

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! The findings of inquiry into killings of 34 workers at Marikana mine in South Africa given to President Jacob Zuma. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News CROW: Cash stolen in daylight capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity robbery

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: A large amount of cash is stolen in daylight capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity robbery in Cardiff as old bill bobbys search for suspect caught on CCTV cameras. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News BAWL: Councils in court battle over centre

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: A row over Castlereagh\’s Robinson leisure centre has led to court battle between two councils on their last day of business. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Not about cars: HP sues Autonomy founders for $5.1bn

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! HP sues Autonomy co-founder Mike Lynch and ex-finance officer Sushovan Hussain, lah, as Autonomy\’s former management says it will launch counter-claim. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS from China: MS drug ‘may already be out there’

Chinglish news event: Depression and heart disease drugs to be tested in new trial to find treatments for Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Gimme News, DOG: SKODA : NEW Å KODA SUPERB MAKES EYE-CATCHING VIRTUAL DEBUT IN LONDON

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! \r\n \r\n \r\n Å KODA has added to heightening anticipation around all-new Superb with virtual showcase of new large LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine a Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Clarkson live tour set to go ahead

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Jeremy Clarkson is to appear on planned live dates with male gender human bleing\’s former Top Gear co-stars Richard Hammond and James May, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Worldwide announces. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Jaguar X-type Lease delivered to Ian Jones in Amble

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Ian Jones. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Ian says…“Other leasing companies said she wouldn’t be able to honour her [...]

Greetings from Ling: Opposition wins Nigeria election

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Nigeria\’s presidential poll is won by Muhammadu Buhari, lah, in country\’s first election victory by opposition. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News WEDGE: Lufthansa told of co-pilot depression

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: The Alps crash co-pilot Andreas Lubitz informed Lufthansa\’s flight school in 2009 of \”serious depressive episode\”, lah, capitalist entity says. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Spotting latest: Girls’ PE lessons give ‘nightmares’

Chinglish news event: Less cross-country in \”knickers and polo shirt\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and improved facilities in schools would improve PE for girls, lah, says Victoria Pendleton. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Possible enviro banding change on the Honda CR-V

The Honda CR-V 1.6 i DTEC 16v (118bhp) SE-T 2WD Station Wagon 5dr 1597cc Diesel Manual has new environmental information today. I have updated! Pay attention, you are too slow How to explain this without it seeming like the usual sales talk? … I don’t know, but I will try to make this clear… You [...]

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A decade of strong growth in Scotch whisky exports came to end last year as overseas sales fell, lah, according to new figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:00



Wah! LATEST:  One of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's most successful businessmen, lah, Jim McColl, lah, has called for Holyrood to having full control over its finances by 2020. - news replorted 00:56



Wah! The way care is organised is radically changing across whole of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land with councils and NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) working together to streamline services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:54



Wah! Westminster figures will travel to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land on third day of campaigning in general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:49



Wah! A massive old bill bobbys hunt is under way in Colombia for man known as "Otoniel" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) who is said to run enormous drug trafficking empire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! A warning 'not to change course' from senior business leaders, lah, Labours plans for 'zero hours' contracts, lah, and couple of extremely fecund fathers feature in Wednesday's papers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! A new method of compression could see ultra-HD video streamed to TVs and other devices using around 50% of bandwidth currently needed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:22



Wah! Paracetamol is ineffective at treating back pain and osteoarthritis despite being recommended treatment, lah, group of Australian researchers warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Major changes to care system in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, dubbed biggest shake-up for 60 years, lah, being introduced, lah, while ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land merges NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) and care budgets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04



Wah! EU milk quotas scrapped, lah, bringing end to more than 30 years of efforts to prevent overproduction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! A number of tax changes come in on 1 April, lah, which will mean cheaper flights for thousands of human bliengs who travel over 4,000 miles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The all-new Jagluar XF all-new Jagluar XF today made its global motor show debut in New York. What you wan'?!! Formed around Jaguarā€™s aluminium-intensive arc - news replorted 00:01



Wah! The all-new Jagluar XF all-new Jagluar XF brings unrivalled blend of design, lah, luxury, lah, technology and efficiency to lead business LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine s - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Range Rover Evoque WISE Scholarship applications  open for 2015 WISE and Jagluar Land Rover today open 2015 Range Rover Evoque WISE Scholarship, lah, aimed at young women planning care - news replorted 00:01



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