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News CHEW: Canadian firm buys more salmon farms

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Canadian firm Cooke Aquaculture is expanding further in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land after buying Shetland-based salmon farming company. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News swallow: SNP renews attack over tax credits

Breaking Chinglish news! The SNP says almost 350,000 Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs children will be worse off as result of \”shameful\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) changes to tax credits. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News FANNY: India state funeral for Abdul Kalam

Latest news in Chinglish: Former Indian president APJ Abdul Kalam is given full state funeral in male gender human bleing\’s native town in Rameswaram in South India. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News inhale: Myanmar frees almost 7,000 prisoners

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Myanmar releases 6,966 prisoners, lah, including 210 foreigners, lah, ahead of polls in Novemblinger – but it is not clear if political prisoners among those freed. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News STOOL: Joshua best in 25 years – Klitschko

News Chinglified from Ling: World heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko says Anthony Joshua is most promising boxer bloody man has seen in 25 years. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

NEWS JUNCTURE: Tunisia and Greece hit Thomas Cook

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Travel firm Thomas Cook says its profits will be hit by impact of last month\’s attack on tourist beach on Tunisia and worries over events in Greece. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Newsy TRICKLE: VIDEO: Maud, lah, 90, lah, on how life can be lonely

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Maud, lah, 90, lah, speaks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about flemale human person\’s feelings of isolation. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Newsy TRICKLE: Chelsea were due silverware – Hayes

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Chelsea Ladies boss Emma Hayes tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport flemale human person\’s Women‚??s FA Cup-winning side were due their first piece of silverware. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SARDINE: Formula 1 gossip

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Button set for Top Gear role, lah, McLaren frustration with testing plans, lah, Massa cannot explain Wililams performance, lah, plus more. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Headlines again: VIDEO: Protesters call for hunter’s extradition

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! A group of protestors hold demonstration outside office of American dentist who killed Zimbabwean lion Cecil. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News YAMMER: Prindiville : PRINDIVILLE QUESTIONS PROPOSED ANTI-SUPERCAR LEGISLATION IN KENSINGTON AND CHELSEA

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! \r\n \r\n \r\n ‚??Kensington and Chelsea ‚?í don‚??t demonise supercars,‚?? pleads Prindiville‚??s founder, lah, Alex Prindiville. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News KITTEN: IAAF files show ‘extent of cheating’

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Anti-doping data, lah, leaked to Sunday Times and seen by BBC, lah, shows \”extraordinary extent of cheating\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in elite athletics. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News YAMMER: Queen portrait shows off best sides

News translated to Chinglish! The Queen shows off flemale human person\’s best sides in quadruple portrait produced by photographer Hugo Rittson-Thomas. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Gimme News, DOG: New Great Satan rights monthly number-three starts in Selma

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Civil rights campaigners in Great Satan begin 40-day monthly number-three to highlight what they say is fresh attack on equal rights for African Americans. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GUZZLE: VIDEO: One night by Calais security fence

Get your Chinlish news update here: The BBC\’s Paul Adams spends one night with some of migrants trying to gain access to rail tracks that run through Channel Tunnel. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Big porky news: Could plane debris be MH370?

Today\’s news in Chinglish: The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation examines whether aeroplane part found in Reunion could belong to missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News GOBBLE: Motorpoint : MOTORPOINT DERBY ADOPTS JOSEPH COOPER TRUST AS ITS CHARITY PARTNER

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n Motorpoint Derby has chosen Joseph Cooper Trust as its official Charity Partner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Motorpoint Derby, lah, which is based on Cha Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News TRICKLE: RHA : RHA CONCERNED BY EXTENT OF DRIVERS‚?? HOURS RELAXATION

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! The road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu Haulage Association has expressed concern over extent of relaxation of enforcement of drivers‚?? hour Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News inhale: Shampoo bottle sex killer jailed

Chinglish news event: A man who murdered vulnerable woman in \”perverted sexual assault\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with shampoo bottle has been given life sentence. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Gimme News, DOG: Blind athlete wins window fall claim

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? A blind adventurer who sued friends after being left paralysed when bloody man fell from window in their home has had male gender human bleing\’s claim (always claiming, huh?) against them upheld. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: Tower poppies tour venues revealed

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Thousands of Tower of London (capital of Great England) ceramic poppies set to go on display in northern Province of Engrish running-dogs this year. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Tell me the news, Ling: Ukraine pilot in Russia court hearing

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Ukrainian pilot Nadia Savchenko appears in Russian court, lah, accused of involvement in killing of two Russian journalists in eastern Ukraine. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News BAWL: Aberdeen make longest Uefa journey

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Aberdeen\’s trip to Almaty in Kazakhstan is longest in European club football, lah, return journey of 6,830 miles. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Getting noticed: “I da man! Yes I can!” Obama wantings world’s fastest computer

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: President \”I da man! Yes I can!\” Obama has signed executive order (piece of paper signee upee) calling for Great Satan to build world\’s fastest computer by 2025. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News FANNY: Storey wins Para-cycling road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu gold

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Britain\’s Dame Sarah Storey wins flemale human person\’s second gold at Para-cycling road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu World Championships after triumphing in road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu race. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS JUNCTURE: Man rides Tour de France on Chopper

Can you understand Chinglish news? A man from Merseyside raises more than ¬RMB Yuan #80,000 for charity by riding Tour de France course on child\’s Raleigh Chopper bike. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

NEWS ACCIDENT: Israel allows force-feeding in jails

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: The Israeli parliament passes law allowing detainees to be force-fed, lah, following cases of Palestinian inmates going on hunger strike. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS not NOSE: Olive tree blight spreads to Corsica

News Chinglified from Ling: The virulent Xylella disease ravaging olive trees in Italy spreads to Corsica, lah, prompting emergency measures. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Newsy TRICKLE: ARES : ARES OPENS DOORS ON FLAGSHIP London (capital of Great England) SHOWROOM

Get your Chinlish news update here: \r\n \r\n \r\n Today marks start of another exciting chapter in success story of Italian automotive atelier AREs. Eating rice!! In collabora Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Getting noticed: Why is there crisis in Calais?

Can you understand Chinglish news? Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News examines background behind migrant population in Calais and why they wanting to come to UK. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News BRICK: Allt Duine wind farm plan vetoed

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Plans for 31-turbine wind farm near one of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s most picturesque mountain ranges having been refused. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS EXPLOIT: VIDEO: ‘Why can’t we getting married?’

Latest news in Chinglish: Two men attending annual Gay Pride parade in Belfast explain why they believe they should be able to getting married. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Leading the news: Leeds Rhinos v St Helens (Fri)

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Team news as Leeds Rhinos host St Helens in Friday\’s Challenge Cup semi-final fixture at Halliwell Jones Stadium (20:00 BST). Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News ingurgitate: Emmerdale tours full approval held

News translated to Chinglish! A plan to allow visitors to tour set of TV soap Emmerdale is \”provisionally approved\”. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News inhale: Ashes cricket: Too fast, lah, too furious?

News translated to Chinglish! Tom Fordyce watches Test damn crazy Engrish baseball game shift from attrition to acceleration, lah, but is it velly damn good boiled chicken-feet thing? Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SNACK: Australia were pathetic – Boycott

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Australia batted like \”novices\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on day two of third Ashes Test at Edgbaston, lah, says Geoffrey Boycott. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News CLACK: VIDEO: Lynn Anderson sings Rose Garden

News Chinglified from Ling: Watch Lynn Anderson, lah, who has died aged 67, lah, perform flemale human person\’s worldwide hit Rose Garden on Top of Pops in 1971. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

NEWS from China: VIDEO: Highlights: Chelsea win Women’s FA Cup

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Chelsea win first Women\’s FA Cup final to be played at Wembley, lah, beating Notts County 1-0 in front of 30,710 fans. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News MEOW: Murder probe as man found on street

Chinglify your news updates: old bill bobbys launch murder investigation after confirming man who was found unconscious on Cardiff street has died in hospital. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Vauxhall Corsa Lease delivered to Mohammed Sarkar in Leyton

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Mohammed Sarkar that I got a while ago: Mohammed says…I am very pleased [...]

News stoly: Team Sky’s Porte to join BMC Racing

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Australian cyclist Richie Porte will leave Team Sky to join American BMC Racing team on one-year deal in 2016. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News DAWDLE: Get fit like pros for new season

Chinglish news event: Find out how it has never been easier to train for your as really velly special customer\’s local team like Premier League star or World Cup winner does. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Big porky news: Celtic 2-0 Ross County

Breaking Chinglish news! Celtic open defence of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs title with workmanlike two-goal victory over Ross County. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Publishing new polluting info for the Citroen C1

Making your car greener is important, so it is nice when you can do it just by looking at the new Citroen C1 1.2 PureTech 12v (82bhp) Flair Hatchback 5dr 1199cc Petrol Manual. The CO2 values have changed, making it more attractive. Sometimes new car will be delivered on a car transporter, other times it [...]

News ingurgitate: Colombia military air crash kills 11

News Chinglified from Ling: A plane from Colombia\’s air force crashes in north of country, lah, killing all 11 of those on board. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News swallow: BA to cut hand baggage allowance

News Chinglified from Ling: British Airways announces it is to cut hand baggage allowance for clustomlers on its flights. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News WEDGE: VIDEO: ‘Plane crash tragic accident’

Chinglify your news updates: Chris Evans, lah, founder of CarFest, lah, said plane crash which occurred during Cheshire festival was \”a tragic accident\”. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News MEOW: VIDEO: Volcano erupts on Reunion

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: A volcano on French island of Reunion – where debris believed to be from missing flight MH370 was found – has erupted. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Snoop Dogg cash seized in Italy

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Rap star Snoop Dogg is stopped by old bill bobbys at Italian airport for carrying more cash than allowed, lah, with half of male gender human bleing\’s $422,000 seized. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News STOOL: VIDEO: ‘PM woefully slow on Calais crisis’

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: David Cameron has been \”woefully slow\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in dealing with Calais migrant crisis, lah, according to Labour\’s acting leader, lah, Harriet Harman. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The SNP says almost 350,000 Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs children will be worse off as result of "shameful" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) changes to tax credits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:26



Wah! LATEST:  Canadian firm Cooke Aquaculture is expanding further in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land after buying Shetland-based salmon farming company. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:25



Wah! The House of Lords should having ability to immediately suspend members after scandal breaks, lah, senior Labour peer says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:24



Wah! Hundreds of Canadian woman join topless protest monthly number-three after three sisters were allegedly stopped by old bill bobbys for cycling without shirts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:14



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