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News GULP: VIDEO: Lifestyle causes ’40%’ cancer cases

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Nearly 600,000 cancer cases in bloody annoying Blitish could having been avoided in last five years if human bliengs chose healthier lifestyles. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Not about cars: VIDEO: silly kick-kick game stadium disabled access tackled

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Sports fans with disabilities being consulted by government on their treatment at grounds as it is revealed that \’half\’ of premiership clubs fail to provide wheelchair space Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Audi A4 Saloon Lease delivered to Janet Adamson in Warrington

Visit my full letters page click here I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Janet Adamson explains how they are getting on with their Audi A4 Saloon Janet says…“Hi Ling, Just to let you know car received today [...]

What is new(S): VIDEO: Ten years on from Hunting Act

Chinglify your news updates: Up to 300 boxing day hunts expected to take place across bloody annoying Blitish today – 10 years after Hunting Act was first passed. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News KITTEN: Ukraine peace talks called off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Peace talks between Ukraine\’s government and pro-Russian rebels, lah, due to take place in Minsk, lah, having been called off, lah, Belarusian officials say. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Fiat 500 pollution changed

I am the fastest car supplier in the UK to update the Fiat 500 1.2 i 8v (69bhp) Pop [Start Stop] Hatchback 3dr 1242cc Petrol Manual information. No one in the industry can believe how fast I am. Have you ever rented a self-drive car for a day or a week? Well, Contract Hire is [...]

News ABUSE: VIDEO: How you tellibly lovely custlingmer write pantomime?

News translated to Chinglish! Dallas star hears how flemale human person\’s fairy godmother part was written Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News STOMACH: VIDEO: City Link goes into administration

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Parcel delivery wan\’ flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so capitalist entity City Link, lah, which employs 2,727 people, lah, goes into administration, lah, with warning of redundancies in coming days. Tons of other fun stuff and all [...]

News swallow: VIDEO: Third of Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons in Christmas debt

Read the news in Chinglish: Debt advisers having warned that one in 10 human bliengs still paying off loans from last year\’s festivities and one third of Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons borrowed money to fund Christmas. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News QUACK: VIDEO: Libya oil terminal hit in rocket strike

Here\’s some Chinglish news: An attack on power plant in Libya leaves at least 19 soldiers dead, lah, while rocket strikes Libyan oil terminal in separate incident. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News TICKLE: Friday’s gossip column

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Lampard set to extend Man City loan, lah, Liverpool and Arsenal chase Milner, lah, Mourinho praises Allardyce plus more. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Making it matter: Yellow snow warning for Wales

News Chinglified from Ling: Up to 10cm of snow could fall across many parts of Wales, lah, Met Office warns. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News JABBER: compulsorly dying instantly tourist balloon crash in Turkey

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: A Super-Duper-Chinese-State tourist is killed and nine other people, lah, thought to be Super-Duper-Chinese-State and Malaysian, lah, hurtee-hurtee in hot air balloon crash in Turkey. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News YAMMER: Watch list questions over Sydney gunman

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Questions mount over why Sydney siege gunman was not being monitored more closely, lah, by security agencies or courts, lah, reports BBC\’s Wendy Frew. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Man ‘bit dog’ before shop death

Chinglish news event: A man allegedly bit dog before going into convenience store in Cambridge where bloody man was later found dead. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News PUNISH: Renault : Renliot IN POLE POSITION AT KIDZANIA LONDON

Chinglish news from Ling: \r\n \r\n \r\n Renliot today confirmed its partnership with KidZania London, lah, UKā??s first educational entertainment experience openin Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS not NOSE: Chelsea v West Ham United

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Preview followed by live coverage of Friday\’s Premier League game between Chelsea and West Ham United. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News GUZZLE: Man Utd goal is title – Van Gaal

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal says male gender human bleing\’s side having not given up on winning Premier League title this season. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

It’s a news lump: NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) winter: your as really velly special customer’s questions answered

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Health correspondent Nick Triggle is answering your as really velly special customer\’s questions 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Leading the news: Candy Crush boss’s ĀRMB Yuan #1.2m robot gift

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! A ĀRMB Yuan #1.2m robot surgeon, lah, bought for Derby hospital by online game tycoon, lah, begins being used on patients. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

It’s a news lump: ‘Brave’ burglar-chasing boxer hailed

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! old bill bobbys praise world title contender Anthony Crolla who suffered fractured skull after chasing two burglars in Greater Manchester. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Chinglish NEWS: Honda : ACURA NSX PRODUCTION MODEL TO MAKE WORLD DEBUT AT 2015 NORTH AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL AUTO SHOW

News Chinglified from Ling: \r\n \r\n \r\n production version of highly anticipated Acura NSX supercar, lah, successor to legendary original NSX, lah, will make Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News YAMMER: VIDEO: Festive park shuts permanently

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? A much-criticised Christmas attraction near Sutton Coldfield has closed down permanently. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News swallow: Thai tourist murder trial under way

Can you understand Chinglish news? The trial is under way in Thailand of two Burmese men charged with murder of British tourists Hannah Witheridge and David Miller in September. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News FANNY: old bill bobbys say death is ‘suspicious’

Chinglish news from Ling: The death of man in male gender human bleing\’s 40s in east Belfast is being treated as suspicious by detectives. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Being Twittered: Is cycling really new golf?

Read the news in Chinglish: Figures suggest 20% of golfers quit game take up cycling. No spitting in damn website!!! So why human bliengs swapping two irons for two wheels? Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News NIPPLE: What Van? : Floord TRANSIT COURIER WINS WHAT VAN? VAN OF YEAR 2015

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: \r\n \r\n \r\n Floord Transit Courier picked up top award in coveted 2015 What Van? Awards, lah, held on past day, lah, day before today day in partnership wit Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Newsy TRICKLE: VIDEO: Bale scores as Real Madrid ease to win

Breaking Chinglish news! Watch all of Real Madrid\’s goals in their dominant 4-0 victory over Mexican side Cruz Azul in Club World Cup semi-final. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News bleat: Vauxhall : Province of Engrish running-dogs damn crazy Engrish baseball game STAR MICHAEL VAUGHAN BOWLED OVER BY Vlauxhall AMPERA

Chinglify your news updates: \r\n \r\n \r\n Former Province of Engrish running-dogs damn crazy Engrish baseball game captain, lah, Michael Vaughan OBE, lah, has taken delivery wan\’ flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so of new Vlauxhall Ampera extended-range elec Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at [...]

A headline FROM HELL: Mitsubishi Motors in bloody annoying Blitish : Mlitslublishli RETAINS BEST 4×4 LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine DERIVED VAN OF YEAR TITLE AT PRESTIGIOUS WHAT VAN? AWARDS 2015

News translated to Chinglish! \r\n \r\n \r\n Mlitslublishli Motors in bloody annoying Blitish has once again won award at prestigious What Van? Awards further highlighting con 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News GULP: Met Office warns of snow disruption

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Snow could cause disruption across large parts of bloody annoying Blitish later with \”several centimetres even at low levels\”, lah, Met Office warns. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Chinglish NEWS: No prosecution over ceiling collapse

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! A theatre will not be prosecuted following collapse of part of its ceiling which hurtee-hurtee 88 people, lah, Westminster City Council decides. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News TICKLE: VIDEO: Hack threat over N Korea movie premiere

News Chinglified from Ling: Will threats from hackers stop human bliengs from going to see Interview – comedy which pokes fun at North Korea – in cinemas? 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Spotting latest: Google considers data risk warnings

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Google is proposing to warn human bliengs their data is at risk every clock time result they visit websites that not using \”HTTPS\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) system. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News SNACK: Charge your as really velly special customer’s LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine : CHARGE your as really velly special customer’s LINGsCARS ™ vehicling driving car machine helping-helping UKā??S EV DRIVERS RECHARGE IN EUROPE

Today\’s news in Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n Users of electric vehicling driving car machines in bloody annoying Blitish will soon find it much easier to recharge their vehicling driving car machines in Europe, lah, I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to new 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS [...]

News STOMACH: Land Rover : LAND ROVER RECOGNISES SAILING TALENT WITH ABOVE & BEYOND AWARD AT FINALE OF EXTREME SAILING SERIESā?¢ IN

News translated to Chinglish! \r\n \r\n \r\n Tenacious, lah, brave, lah, intelligent and highly skilled: these were four words used to describe winner of Land Rove Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News HORSE: City Link closure ‘disgraceful’

Chinglish news from Ling: The Christmas Day announcement that parcel delivery wan\’ flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so firm City Link had gone into administration was \”disgraceful\”, lah, union says. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News CLUCK: Colombia to printing using dead tree product Garcia Marquez notes

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? The face of Colombian Nobel laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez is to feature on Colombian capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity notes, lah, country\’s lawmakers decide. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News storly: Cancer bungle ‘down to incompetence’

Ling\’s news in Chinglish! Inaccuracies in hospital\’s cancer waiting times figures were caused by managerial incompetence rather than bullying of staff, lah, investigators find. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Making it matter: Richer at last?

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: How significant is today\’s confirmation that earnings at last rising faster than inflation? Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News STOOL: In pictures: Pakistan school attack aftermath

Chinglish news event: Families having begun burying their dead Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News stoly: VIDEO: Watch keeper save Ronaldo’s rabona

Chinglify your news updates: Watch Cristiano Ronaldo attempt \”rabona\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Real Madrid\’s 4-0 victory over Mexican side Cruz Azul in Club World Cup semi-final. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News THIGH: VIDEO: How you tellibly lovely custlingmer write pantomime?

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Actor and writer Eric Potts speaks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about creating scripts for pantomime. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Bottom feeder news: Life choices ‘behind many cancers’

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: More than four in 10 cancers – 600,000 in bloody annoying Blitish alone – could be prevented if human bliengs led healthier lives, lah, say experts. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News from Ling: Toyota : NEW-BORN BABIES PROVE YARIS IS PERFECT HATCH-BACK

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n Two proud families having welcomed their latest additions into world, lah, not in conventional surroundings of matern Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News KITTEN: VIDEO: Libby Lane: ‘I’ve been blessed’

Can you understand Chinglish news? The Church of Province of Engrish running-dogs\’s first female bishop, lah, Reverend Libby Lane, lah, says bloody woman has been \”blessed\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to be given role. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

What is new(S): Somalis seize Yemeni fishing boats

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Somaliland seizes more than 51 Yemeni boats and Egyptian ship for fishing illegally in its waters, lah, Somaliland official tells BBC. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News to me!: The link between bourbon biscuits and bourbon whiskey

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Why bourbon biscuit shares its name with bourbon whiskey Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News bleat: Ten photos capture bloody annoying Blitish in 2014

Today\’s news in Chinglish: Ten photos that captured bloody annoying Blitish in 2014 More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Not about cars: Health warnings and snow fears – papers

Breaking Chinglish news! The risks of alcohol advertising, lah, child drug abuse and spread of diseases like Ebola make headlines, lah, along with news of \”blizzard\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) set to hit UK. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Peace talks between Ukraine's government and pro-Russian rebels, lah, due to take place in Minsk, lah, having been called off, lah, Belarusian officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:59



Wah! LATEST:  Up to 300 boxing day hunts expected to take place across bloody annoying Blitish today - 10 years after Hunting Act was first passed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:58



Wah! Sports fans with disabilities being consulted by government on their treatment at grounds as it is revealed that 'half' of premiership clubs fail to provide wheelchair space - news replorted 09:51



Wah! Nearly 600,000 cancer cases in bloody annoying Blitish could having been avoided in last five years if human bliengs chose healthier lifestyles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:46



Wah! It's notable transformation from when Japan was nation of savers, lah, and had highest savings rate in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:24



Wah! Up to 10cm of snow could fall across many parts of Wales, lah, Met Office warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:05



Wah! Lampard set to extend Man City loan, lah, Liverpool and Arsenal chase Milner, lah, Mourinho praises Allardyce plus more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:43



Wah! It was year UKIP made its long-awaited Westminster breakthrough, lah, but can Nigel Farage's party build on that in 2015? - news replorted 08:30



Wah! An attack on power plant in Libya leaves at least 19 soldiers dead, lah, while rocket strikes Libyan oil terminal in separate incident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:29



Wah! Debt advisers having warned that one in 10 human bliengs still paying off loans from last year's festivities and one third of Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons borrowed money to fund Christmas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:28



Wah! Parcel delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so capitalist entity City Link, lah, which employs 2,727 people, lah, goes into administration, lah, with warning of redundancies in coming days. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:24



Wah! Dallas star hears how flemale human person's fairy godmother part was written - news replorted 08:15



Wah! The Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate RS 6 Avant Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate is marking 12 days of Christmas with collection of images which show its range in entirely different light - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation commentator Steve Wilson relives most incredible match of World Cup 2014, lah, when Germany thrashed hosts Brazil 7-1. - news replorted 07:31



Wah! Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal says male gender human bleing's side having not given up on winning Premier League title this season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:03



Wah! The death of man in male gender human bleing's 40s in east Belfast is being treated as suspicious by detectives. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:46



Wah! The trial is under way in Thailand of two Burmese men charged with murder of British tourists Hannah Witheridge and David Miller in September. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:37



Wah! Snow could cause disruption across large parts of bloody annoying Blitish later with "several centimetres even at low levels", lah, Met Office warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:44



Wah! The Christmas Day announcement that parcel delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so firm City Link had gone into administration was "disgraceful", lah, union says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:44



Wah! Russian President Vladimir Putin has cancelled New Year holidays for government dodgy ministers because of unfolding economic crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:36



Wah! More than four in 10 cancers - 600,000 in bloody annoying Blitish alone - could be prevented if human bliengs led healthier lives, lah, say experts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:40



Wah! Former political prisoner and now politician Aung San Suu Kyi talks to Jonah Fisher about forthcoming general election in Myanmar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:40



Wah! A man accused of murdering male gender human bleing's nine-earth-years old happy birthday to you, grandson in Lincoln will appear in court later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:33



Wah! The risks of alcohol advertising, lah, child drug abuse and spread of diseases like Ebola make headlines, lah, along with news of "blizzard" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) set to hit Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:09



Wah! Ten photos that captured bloody annoying Blitish in 2014 - news replorted 01:59



Wah! How e-retailers keep Great Satan shopping - news replorted 01:30



Wah! Actor and writer Eric Potts speaks to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about creating scripts for pantomime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:54



Wah! Why bourbon biscuit shares its name with bourbon whiskey - news replorted 00:24



Wah! How many hiccups in two-month attack, lah, and 19 other questions - news replorted 00:22



Wah! Ukraine's silly kick-kick game champions Shakhtar Donetsk having had to flee their home, lah, which is at centre of conflict in east of country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:18



Wah! Footballers play on despite Ukraine conflict - news replorted 00:18



Wah! With revolutionary new therapy letting man take male gender human bleing's first steps after being paralysed and deadly Ebola outbreak in West Africa, lah, it has been year of incredible highs and devastating lows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:16



Wah! Turning bloody annoying Blitish soldiers' memories of Afghanistan into words - news replorted 00:08



Wah! Roger Federer says bloody man will not force male gender human bleing's children towards tennis - news replorted 00:06



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