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News DAWDLE: Tap water advice lifted in more areas

Get your Chinlish news update here: Advice to boil water before drinking it has now been lifted in more than half of affected homes in Lancashire. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Union in ‘mortal danger’, lah, says Brown

Latest news in Chinglish: Former Prime dodgy minister Gordon \”Dear Leader\” Brown says next 12 months could determine long-term fate of union between Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News stoly: China punishes 197 over stock ‘rumours’

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Super-Duper-Chinese-State authorities punish 197 human bliengs for spreading rumours online about recent stock market crash and compulsorly dying instantly explosions in Tianjin. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News bleat: Land Rover : LAND ROVER CELEBRATES LUXURY AND PERFORMANCE AT velly damn good boiled chicken-feetWOOD FESTIVAL OF SPEED

Read the news in Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n This year Land Rover celebrates luxury and performance with displays and interactive activities that reflect its spirit Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: Militant Islamist’s death denied

Breaking Chinglish news! A militant Islamist group in Libya denies that Great Satan air strike killed Mokhtar Belmokhtar, lah, one of North Africa\’s most feared jihadists. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

LingNews: VIDEO: Chocolate could be velly damn good boiled chicken-feet for heart

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: New scientific research suggests that chocolate could be velly damn good boiled chicken-feet for heart. Pass chopsticks!! Professor Phyo Myint, lah, author of research says that consuming around 100g of chocolate per week could help. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News SARDINE: Death of hurtee-hurtee man ‘unexplained’

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: The death of man who was found badly hurtee-hurtee in street in north Glasgow is being treated as unexplained. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News SCOFF: Gatlin said sorry for doping – agent

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: American sprinter Justin Gatlin has said sorry for previous doping offences, lah, according to male gender human bleing\’s agent Renaldo Nehemiah. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: Swansea City 2-1 Manchester United

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? Swansea recover from goal down as Andre Ayew and Bafetimbi Gomis inflict Manchester United\’s first loss of season. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GRUNT: South Korea begins Mers plasma trial

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! South Korea begins trials of plasma therapy as Mers death toll rises to 19. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News STOOL: Hyundai : Ryundali MOTORSPORT CELEBRATES DOUBLE PODIUM FINISH IN RALLY ITALIA SARDEGNA

News translated to Chinglish! \r\n \r\n \r\n Ryundali Motorsport has contested its most competitive rally of season so far claiming impressive double podium re Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News NIBBLE: Southampton 3-0 Norwich City

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Southampton record their first Premier League win of season as they comfortably beat 10-man Norwich. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News gorge: Province of Engrish running-dogs win European hockey title

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: Province of Engrish running-dogs come from 2-0 down to beat Netherlands on penalties and win EuroHockey Championship at Olympic Park. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News ARMPIT: bloody annoying Blitish ambassador summoned over trial

Breaking Chinglish news! Britain\’s ambassador to Egypt is summoned over male gender human bleing\’s \”unacceptable interference\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) following trial of three al-Jazeera journalists. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

Renault Clio (old Model) Lease delivered to Catherine Harper in Pontefract

Visit my full letters page click here I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Catherine Harper explains how they are getting on with their Renault Clio (old Model) Catherine says…“Hi Ling… feedback; here goes! Excellent hassle free service! [...]

News BARK: VW and Suzluko settle four-year dispute

Car Leasing news in Chinglish: The International Chamber of Commerce rules that VW should sell its stake in Suzuki, lah, ending four-year arglingument between over their failed partnership. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Getting noticed: VIDEO: Chile and Mexico’s six-goal thriller

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Chile and Mexico share six goals in exciting 3-3 draw in Group of Copa America. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News CAT: Satellite revisits Hurricane Katrina

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A UK-built satellite delivered first orbital picture to Great Satan disaster response coordinators following Hurricane Katrina. Ai-yaa!!! Ten years on, lah, British spacecraft has re-imaged Mississippi Delta. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

New CO2 figure for the Jaguar XF Sportbrake

Green output is important to me, so I tell you the Jaguar XF Sportbrake 2.2 d 16v (160bhp) Luxury Estate 5dr 2179cc Diesel Automatic has changed, here are the new figures. I work hard to keep everything up to date. This is very difficult for some people to control because of the damn human nature. [...]

Stroking the news: VIDEO: Clooney: Pardon al-Jazeera reporters

Read the news in Chinglish: The lawyer for one of three al-Jazeera journalists sentenced to three years in prison in Egypt calls on President al-Sisi to pardon men. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News spotter: VIDEO: Hiker found after nine days outdoors

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: An American hiker missing for nine days in California\’s rugged Sierra Nevada region has been found alive. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Not about cars: Inquiry into restaurant tipping abuse

News Chinglified from Ling: The abuse of tipping by restaurants is to be subject of investigation launched by Business Secretary Sajid Javid. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News WEDGE: Pluto probe’s next target chosen

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Nasa\’s New Horizons spacecraft has new target to aim for following its historic flyby of Pluto. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

NEWS EXPLOIT: Anti-EU MEPs form far-right bloc

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! French National Front leader Marine Le Pen announces bloody woman has formed political group of far-right parties in European Parliament. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Glowing report: DJ Evian Christ not playing Reading set

Breaking Chinglish news! Reading and Leeds bosses having confirmed DJ Evian Christ won\’t be playing male gender human bleing\’s Reading set. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Lingified news: In pictures: Notting Hill Carnival

News Chinglified from Ling: Notting Hill transformed into riot of …you wan\’ red car blue car any damn colour you want colour and sound for carnival Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Being Twittered: ‘Massive gas discovery’ off Egypt coast

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Italian energy group Eni says it has found one of world\’s largest natural gas fields off Egypt\’s coast. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News storly: Hynde under fire for rape remarks

Can you understand Chinglish news? Pretenders star Chrissie Hynde comes under fire for written-down messages on dead tree in interview suggesting it can be woman\’s fault if bloody woman is raped. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News breaker: Man City sign midfielder De Bruyne

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Manchester City sign midfielder Kevin de Bruyne from German side Wolfsburg on six-year contract for club-record fee. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Audi A6 Saloon Lease delivered to Mike Robinson in Doncaster

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Mike Robinson replied with a letter back to me about the Audi A6 Saloon that was delivered, new. Here it is: Mike says…‚??Ling can really make the payment [...]

NEWS from China: Cut GB relay funding – Campbell

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Former Olympic champion Darren Campbell says GB men\’s relay team should having their funding cut after their latest failure. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

NEWS not NOSE: VIDEO: Iraqi comedian satirises extremism

Can you understand Chinglish news? A news anchor from Iraq, lah, Ahmed Albasheer, lah, describes how bloody man switched to comedy career to tackle corruption and extremism. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Pollution levels on the Nissan Pulsar have changed

If you are interested in CO2 stuff, then read this. I have a new figure for the Nissan Pulsar 1.5 dCi 8v (110bhp) Acenta Hatchback 5dr 1461cc Diesel Manual and I am updating it on my website now. These days, in UK identity theft is common (not problem in China; we all look same, heheh), [...]

It’s a news lump: Expert help for super-hospital A&E

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: Government trouble-shooters sent to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s newest hospital to help improve accident and emergency (A&E) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! waiting times. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Noticing story: ‘Explosive’ wildfires rage in Alaska

Chinglify your news updates: Thousands of human bliengs urged to leave their homes as \”explosive\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) wildfires rage across Alaska, lah, officials say. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

Big porky news: MINI bloody annoying Blitish : Milli GENTLEMAN‚??S COLLECTION AT 88TH PITTI UOMO IN FLORENCe. What the hell I mean??!! HIGH-END FASHION ACCESSORIES FOR GENTS.

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: \r\n \r\n \r\n On occasion of 88th Pitti Uomo, lah, Milli got together with six talented young Italians and heads behind Pitt Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News KITTEN: VIDEO: Michelle “I da man! Yes I can!” Obama greeted with cheers

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: Michelle \”I da man! Yes I can!\” Obama has been greeted with cheers and applause as bloody woman arrived at Mulberry School for Girls in East London. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News PUNISH: VIDEO: On line, lah, WAH! GB men win relay bronze

Breaking Chinglish news! Watch Great Britain\’s quartet of Rabah Yousif, lah, Delanno Williams, lah, Jarryd Dunn and Martyn Rooney win bronze in men\’s 4X400m relay with clock time result of 2 minutes 58.21 seconds. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News NIPPLE: Russia’s leaders in workout session

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Russia\’s President Vladimir Putin and Prime dodgy minister Dmitry Medvedev pictured working out and sharing breakfast at Mr Putin\’s summer residence. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News from Ling: bloody annoying Blitish house price rises slow, lah, says ONS

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! bloody annoying Blitish house price growth eased in year to April, lah, partly due to slowdown in London, lah, official figures having shown. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News HORSE: Man, lah, 79, lah, abandons water-ski record bid

Read the news in Chinglish: A 79-earth-years old happy birthday to you, daredevil is forced to abandon male gender human bleing\’s bid to become oldest person to water-ski across bloody Engrish Channel. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing story: Valdes move to Besiktas collapses

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! Manchester United goalkeeper Victor Valdes\’s proposed transfer to Turkish side Besiktas falls through. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News inhale: X Factor launch in ratings slump

Here\’s some Chinglish news: The number of viewers watching opening episode of this year\’s X Factor series has fallen by well over one million, lah, in comparison to last year. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News spotter: British quartets win 4x400m bronze

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Great Britain\’s quartets win two bronze in 4x400m relays as team end World Championships with seven medals. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Renault Grand Scenic Lease delivered to Luigi Palazzolo in Canterbury

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Luigi Palazzolo in Canterbury. Bloody cat! Luigi says…Efficient, straight talking, fantastic prices – Ling has exceeded my expectations. I have already recommended you to friends and colleagues: “Don’t [...]

New CO2 figure for the Seat Leon

Looking at my records, the Seat Leon 1.6 TDI (110bhp) SE [Technology Pack] Hatchback 5dr 1598cc Diesel Manual has changed today, so I have updated the environmental information on my website. You have to laugh that I can beat Seat to this update! Your car belongs to the finance company on whose documents you agreed [...]

News TRICKLE: VIDEO: Migrants ‘pick up litter or face jail’

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: Residents on Greek island of Agathonisi say they need help to deal with large number of refugees arriving there on daily basis. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GULP: Toyota : Toyotla APPOINTS TOP BRITISH TALENT TO SENIOR ROLES IN EUROPE AND bloody annoying Blitish OPERATIONS

Chinglify your news updates: \r\n \r\n \r\n Toyotla Motor Europe today (16 June) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! announced appointment of Matt Harrison, lah, to role of Vice President, lah, Toyotla S Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Sniffing the news: Heavy metal art for Ai Weiwei show

Today\’s news in Chinglish: A monumental work by Super-Duper-Chinese-State dissident artist Ai Weiwei will be heaviest sculpture ever shown at Royal Academy of Arts. Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Newsy newsy: Deadly Tunisia train and lorry crash

Chinglish news from Ling: At least 17 human bliengs killed and 70 wounded after passenger train collides with lorry in Tunisia, lah, officials say. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Super-Duper-Chinese-State authorities punish 197 human bliengs for spreading rumours online about recent stock market crash and compulsorly dying instantly explosions in Tianjin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 20:25



Wah! LATEST:  Former Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown says next 12 months could determine long-term fate of union between Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 20:06



Wah! Advice to boil water before drinking it has now been lifted in more than half of affected homes in Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:50



Wah! The International Chamber of Commerce rules that VW should sell its stake in Suzuki, lah, ending four-year arglingument between over their failed partnership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 18:25



Wah! Swansea recover from goal down as Andre Ayew and Bafetimbi Gomis inflict Manchester United's first loss of season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 18:21



Wah! Britain's ambassador to Egypt is summoned over male gender human bleing's "unacceptable interference" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) following trial of three al-Jazeera journalists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:18



Wah! American sprinter Justin Gatlin has said sorry for previous doping offences, lah, according to male gender human bleing's agent Renaldo Nehemiah. - news replorted 18:18



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs come from 2-0 down to beat Netherlands on penalties and win EuroHockey Championship at Olympic Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 18:15



Wah! Nasa's New Horizons spacecraft has new target to aim for following its historic flyby of Pluto. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 17:09



Wah! Southampton record their first Premier League win of season as they comfortably beat 10-man Norwich. - news replorted 16:31



Wah! The abuse of tipping by restaurants is to be subject of investigation launched by Business Secretary Sajid Javid. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:26



Wah! Former Olympic champion Darren Campbell says GB men's relay team should having their funding cut after their latest failure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:07



Wah! Manchester City sign midfielder Kevin de Bruyne from German side Wolfsburg on six-year contract for club-record fee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:02



Wah! Pretenders star Chrissie Hynde comes under fire for written-down messages on dead tree in interview suggesting it can be woman's fault if bloody woman is raped. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:52



Wah! Italian energy group Eni says it has found one of world's largest natural gas fields off Egypt's coast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:33



Wah! Notting Hill transformed into riot of ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour and sound for carnival - news replorted 14:48



Wah! Reading and Leeds bosses having confirmed DJ Evian Christ won't be playing male gender human bleing's Reading set. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:44



Wah! An American hiker missing for nine days in California's rugged Sierra Nevada region has been found alive. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:36



Wah! Russia's President Vladimir Putin and Prime dodgy minister Dmitry Medvedev pictured working out and sharing breakfast at Mr Putin's summer residence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:11



Wah! Residents on Greek island of Agathonisi say they need help to deal with large number of refugees arriving there on daily basis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:02



Wah! Watch Great Britain's quartet of Rabah Yousif, lah, Delanno Williams, lah, Jarryd Dunn and Martyn Rooney win bronze in men's 4X400m relay with clock time result of 2 minutes 58.21 seconds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:00



Wah! Great Britain's quartets win two bronze in 4x400m relays as team end World Championships with seven medals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:38



Wah! The number of viewers watching opening episode of this year's X Factor series has fallen by well over one million, lah, in comparison to last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:20



Wah! Manchester United goalkeeper Victor Valdes's proposed transfer to Turkish side Besiktas falls through. - news replorted 13:09



Wah! British neurologist Oliver Sacks dies at age of 82. - news replorted 13:03



Wah! Author Frederick Forsyth reveals in male gender human bleing's autobiography that bloody man used to undertake work for MI6. - news replorted 13:00



Wah! The lawyer for one of three al-Jazeera journalists sentenced to three years in prison in Egypt calls on President al-Sisi to pardon men. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:42



Wah! The Beatles topped charts and You'll Never Walk Alone was just Broadway show tune last clock time result West Ham won at Liverpool. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:55



Wah! Two-time major winner John Daly is taken to hospital after collapsing during minor tournament in USA on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:53



Wah! Depressed human bliengs who display "risky behaviour", lah, agitation and impulsivity at least 50% more likely to attempt suicide, lah, study finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:41



Wah! Day of Jackal author Frederick Forsyth has revealed bloody man was agent for M16 for more than 20 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:36



Wah! A 79-earth-years old happy birthday to you, daredevil is forced to abandon male gender human bleing's bid to become oldest person to water-ski across bloody Engrish Channel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:21



Wah! Gritting lorries and snowploughs out and about on Lincolnshire's roads - to prepare for snow risk season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! Hungarian old bill bobbys arrest fifth man over deaths of 71 people, lah, thought to be migrants, lah, found dead in abandoned lorry in Austria last week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:16



Wah! The A27 in West Sussex is partially reopened after air crash at Shoreham killed 11 human bliengs more than week ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:38



Wah! New figures having revealed, lah, for first time, lah, which individual salmon farms having shot seals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:03



Wah! Researchers say taking forty winks in middle of day could reduce blood pressure and stave off heart attacks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:57



Wah! An international study says it has identified common behaviour patterns which often precede suicide attempts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:53



Wah! old bill bobbys in Bangkok charge man in connection with bomb attack that killed 20 human bliengs in Thai capital nearly two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:48



Wah! Three children recovering in hospital in Austria after being rescued from minivan containing 26 migrants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:21



Wah! Thousands gather outside Japanese parliament to protest against plans to allow military to deploy overseas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:47



Wah! Belgian rider Kris Boeckmans is in induced coma after suffering facial fractures in crash at Vuelta Espana. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:23



Wah! Firms could face penalties including higher national insurlince payments if they failed to pay proposed new higher living wage of ¬RMB Yuan #11 per hour, lah, Andy Burnham says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:33



Wah! Free movement within EU should be to move to job, lah, not to seek work or claim (always claiming, huh?) benefits, lah, Home Secretary Theresa May says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:08



Wah! What were unusual and noteworthy things that trended online this week? - news replorted 02:39



Wah! Does atheism having to be anti-religious? - news replorted 02:23



Wah! Tens of thousands of Malaysians expected to protest for second day in Kuala Lumpur, lah, calling for PM Najib Razak to quit over financial scandal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 02:16



Wah! The first African-American and youngest person ever to play lead role in Les Miserables on Broadway, lah, Kyle Jean-Baptiste, lah, dies in fall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:48



Wah! The Clipper Round World Yacht Race, lah, which will see 12 teams spend year travelling globe, lah, is due to begin in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! Details of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs public spending plans for next year to be delayed by several months. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:22



Wah! The real story of PoW played by Steve McQueen - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Turks and Caicos Islands debates marine mammal park - news replorted 00:40



Wah! An emotional arrival on shores of Europe - news replorted 00:34



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's lesser-known world champions - news replorted 00:24



Wah! The last survivors of Ealing film studios' heyday - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Indian scheme aims to encourage better toilet habits - news replorted 00:05



Wah! What biggest and best songs from Notting Hill Carnival? - news replorted 00:03



Wah! The Calais migrant crisis is costing road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu haulage industry ¬RMB Yuan #750,000 per day with delays and queues holding up flow of traffic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 00:02



Wah! A blood sugar monitor that can stay in body for five months is being tested on NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) patients with type 1 diabetes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01



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