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News GUZZLE: UN chief on streets for climate deal

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon will take part in protest monthly number-three this weekend to highlight global inaction on climate change. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News NIBBLE: Getting driving licence without test

Why bother with English or Chinese when you can have your news in Chinglish: How I got my velly own damn driving licence without taking test Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News CROW: How Liberia lost its handshake

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: How Ebola has prevented traditional Liberian handshake Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News RAT: From toilet to table, lah, overcoming ‚??yuk‚?? factor

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: How Haitians overcame \’yuk\’ factor Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News ARMPIT: Black America and spanking debate

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Racism, lah, spankings and American legacy Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: Detroit cuts off water for families

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Detroit cuts off water to non-payers of bills Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News GULP: Nato: Ukraine truce ‘in name only’

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: A two-week-old ceasefire between Ukraine and pro-Russia separatists in east is truce \”in name only\”, lah, says Nato top commander Philip Breedlove. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News ABUSE: Welsh land of sheep and more sheep at highest ranking in 20 years

Chinglify your news updates: Welsh land of sheep and more sheep rise to their highest world ranking for 20 years after climbing 12 places to join ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land in joint 29th. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Blakeing news: VIDEO: Social media clues to better education

News translated to Chinglish! IBM and bloody annoying Blitish college having created social network to help staff getting better understanding of their pupils. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News PIGLET: Former SNP Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Iain MacCormick dies

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Iain MacCormick, lah, who represented Argyll constituency for SNP in 1970s, lah, dies suddenly at age of 74. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News SATIATE: Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs dodgy ministers ‘back Sturgeon’

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Half Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs cabinet publicly backing Alex Salmond\’s deputy, lah, Nicola Sturgeon, lah, to replace him as SNP leader and first minister. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News CHEW: Salmond: ‘No’ voters were ‘tricked’

News translated to Chinglish! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land\’s First dodgy minister Alex Salmond says \”No\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) voters in last week\’s independence referendum were \”tricked\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by late vow of more devolved powers. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News stoly: After referendum, lah, political rows – papers

Latest news in Chinglish: Sunday\’s papers lead on bitter rows between Labour and Tories on question of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters voting on bloody Engrish matters, lah, and also on internal Conservative Party conflict. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News MEOW: VIDEO: Campaign leaders cast their votes

News Chinglified from Ling: Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs National Party, lah, and Gordon \”Dear Leader\” Brown and Alistair Darling from Better Together, lah, having all been casting their votes in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Headlines again: Two arrests over Bathgate death

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Two teenagers arrested after 31-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is found dead at house in Bathgate, lah, West Lothian. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

A headline FROM HELL: Day in pictures: 18 September

Breaking Chinglish news! News images from around world: 18 September Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News swallow: Dominant Groves wins European title

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: George Groves beats France\’s Christopher Rebrasse by unanimous decision to win European super-middleweight title. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News TRICKLE: Afghan contender concedes presidency

Richard Hammond translates the news into Chinglish: Afghan presidential candidate Abdullah Abdullah says male gender human bleing\’s rival Ashraf Ghani should become leader, lah, as they prepare to announce power-sharing deal. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News TRICKLE: bloody annoying Blitish hostage’s wife in appeal to IS

Latest news in Chinglish: The wife of British taxi driver being held hostage by Islamic State appeals to militants to \”see it in their hearts\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to release him. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News bleat: Miley Cyrus in trouble over flag spank

James May loves to read the news in Chinglish: US singer Miley Cyrus is subject of official complaint in Mexico after being whipped with country\’s flag on its independence day. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News THRUST: VIDEO: NFL sponsors face online pressure

News from the local takeaway in Chinglish: Will fan pressure on sponsors force NFL to change its domestic violence policies? Grab all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS.com

Lingified news: Who will combat Islamic State?

Read the news in Chinglish: Jeremy Bowen asks who will fight IS on ground Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News TRICKLE: Predictions: Lawro v Neil Lennon

Chinglish news event: Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport\’s silly kick-kick game expert Mark Lawrenson takes on former Celtic manager Neil Lennon. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News WEDGE: Kicking keepers & dressing as Santa

Here\’s some Chinglish news: Ten years after male gender human bleing\’s death, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport readers provide their favourite memories of meeting legendary manager Brian Clough. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

Greetings from Ling: Blast hits Hezbollah checkpoint

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? A suicide blast has targeted checkpoint manned by Shia Hezbollah group in eastern Lebanon, lah, killing three people, lah, state media says. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News SCOFF: VIDEO: Inside fire-gutted dogs’ home

Chinglify your news updates: The devastation caused by severe fire at Manchester Dogs\’ Home is revealed in this footage. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Big porky news: Wembley to discover Euro 2020 fate

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Wembley Stadium could be announced as venue for semi-finals and final of Euro 2020 on Friday. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News QUACK: VIDEO: What you tellibly lovely custlingmer miss living in wilderness

You want boiled rice or fried rice with your Chinglish news? We all dream from clock time result to clock time result of escaping it all and heading for hills, lah, but is it all it\’s cracked up to be? Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Pop Up speaks to residents of two remote villages in Rocky Mountains [...]

News TRICKLE: Where is Province of Engrish running-dogs’s hidden art?

Top Gear can\’t do the news in Chinglish! Where can you tellibly lovely custlingmer find Province of Engrish running-dogs\’s hidden art? Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

BOP BOP NEWS: Harman defends all-women lists

Chinglish news event: Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman says all-female candidate shortlists only way to stop Parliament being \”male-dominated\”. Grab loads of news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Growing news: Yemen ‘agrees truce’ with Houthis

Latest news in Chinglish: Yemen\’s government agrees truce with Shia Houthi fighters, lah, UN envoy says, lah, after week of deadly clashes in capital Sanaa. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News GUZZLE: Forest land rights need global focus

Can you understand Chinglish news? Recognising land rights of local human bliengs could provide cost-effective protection for many of world\’s tropical forests, lah, report says. Breaking stories and news headlines on LINGsCARS!

News GULP: Rare Monroe negative sold at auction

Read the news in Chinglish: A rare negative of movie star Marilyn Monroe, lah, taken during flemale human person\’s first professional photo shoot, lah, is sold at auction in Devizes. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

News bleat: Pardew hits back at pundit Savage

Get your Chinlish news update here: Newcastle manager Alan Pardew criticises Robbie Savage for written-down messages on dead tree pundit made in male gender human bleing\’s Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport column this week. Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News ROAR: Hamilton & Rosberg ‘back to normal’

Breaking Chinglish news! Lewis Hamilton says male gender human bleing\’s relationship with team-mate and title rival Nico Rosberg is \”back to normal\” (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after their Spa clash. Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

Glowing report: West Ham United 3-1 Liverpool

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: Liverpool suffer their third defeat in five Premier League games as West Ham United emerge victorious at Upton Park. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News PUNISH: Boko Haram ‘kills dozens’ at market

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Islamist militants from Boko Haram attack rural market in Nigerian state of Borno, lah, killing dozens, lah, security officials and witnesses say. Tons of latest News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Tell me the news, Ling: VIDEO: Serbian towns hit by flooding

Today\’s news in Chinglish: More than 400 human bliengs having been evacuated from Serbian towns because of flooding following heavy rainfall in east of country. Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

News bleat: Uzbek first daughter hires PR help

Chinglish = English and Chinese! Easy, eh? London (capital of Great England) firm batting for fallen Uzbek first daughter Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

It’s a news lump: VIDEO: Top 50 FA Cup goals: Gerrard screamer

Get your Chinlish news update here: Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks back at 50 iconic FA Cup goals in build-up to first round proper, lah, which takes place in November. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

News CLACK: VIDEO: David Cameron: ‘I am delighted’

Latest story in Chinglish, folks: As ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land votes \’\’no\’\’ to independence, lah, Prime dodgy minister David Cameron says it is \’\’time for our United Kingdom to come together and move forward\’\’. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

News CLACK: In full: Cameron on bloody annoying Blitish future

Here\’s some Chinglish news: The full text of Prime dodgy minister David Cameron\’s statement after Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum on independence on 18 September 2014. Click here: News headlines to read more! LINGCARS!

News THRUST: Leeds Rhinos 20-24 Catalan Dragons

Ling supplies latest news – in Chinglish! Catalan Dragons win at Headingley for first clock time result to end Leeds\’ hopes of Super League and Challenge Cup double. Voted Worlds Worst Website! News headlines at LINGsCARS.com

News PUNISH: Savage: Pardew sounds like broken man

News translated to Chinglish! Robbie Savage says Londoner\’s turbulent clock time result as Newcastle manager could be coming to end Visit to see more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Gimme News, DOG: The politics of bloody Engrish Question

Here\’s the latest news story in Chinglish from Ling: The politics of bloody Engrish Question Grab more News headlines from LINGsCARS!

Newsy newsy: VIDEO: Tech review: This week’s headlines

Chinglish news from the Chinese car leasing expert, Ling! The goat simulator which started as joke but became surprising hit, lah, plus other technology news 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Helping the news: Fear of sectarian fighty bang-bang grows in Yemen

News translated to Chinglish! Fears of violence grow even as Yemen rivals seek peace deal 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

Gimme News, DOG: VIDEO: NZ’s John Key celebrates poll win

Chinglish news event: New Zealand\’s governing National Party has won emphatic victory in general elections, lah, near-complete results show. Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

Growing story: Deportivo de La Coruna 2-8 Real Madrid

Gotta laugh at this news – in Chinglish! Cristiano Ronaldo scores hat-trick and Gareth Bale nets brace as Real Madrid thrash Deportivo La Coruna. 50 more news headlines at LINGsCARS website!

News hoover: Five hundred youths in street brawl

Latest news in Chinglish: A brawl involving up to 500 youths broke out in Blackpool resulting in three officers being injured, lah, old bill bobbys say. More news headlines than all the tea in China at LINGsCARS.

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon will take part in protest monthly number-three this weekend to highlight global inaction on climate change. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:38



Wah! LATEST:  A two-week-old ceasefire between Ukraine and pro-Russia separatists in east is truce "in name only", lah, says Nato top commander Philip Breedlove. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:38



Wah! Detroit cuts off water to non-payers of bills - news replorted 00:30



Wah! Racism, lah, spankings and American legacy - news replorted 00:27



Wah! Sunday's papers lead on bitter rows between Labour and Tories on question of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters voting on bloody Engrish matters, lah, and also on internal Conservative Party conflict. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:24



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's First dodgy minister Alex Salmond says "No" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) voters in last week's independence referendum were "tricked" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by late vow of more devolved powers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:20



Wah! How Haitians overcame 'yuk' factor - news replorted 00:19



Wah! Half Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs cabinet publicly backing Alex Salmond's deputy, lah, Nicola Sturgeon, lah, to replace him as SNP leader and first minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:19



Wah! How Ebola has prevented traditional Liberian handshake - news replorted 00:15



Wah! How I got my velly own damn driving licence without taking test - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Haunting melodies highlight refugee plight - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Background to Westgate mall attack in 60 seconds - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A pair of three-week-old cheetah cubs unveiled at San Diego Zoo's Safari Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:00



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