LINGsCARS.com – Blog

I am Ling! Cheap new UK cars, life, noodles and fried rice… join in!

Wedding Balloons and helium balloons for weddings – What’s a wedding without balloons? Or a baloon.

Wedding balloons or baloons are often supplied with pictures of the bride and groom on them. Ballons can transform a wedding day! They can be bright balloons, colourful balloons and are usually helium filled balloons. A balloon is usually a bright, colourful latex bag filled with air, but often balloons are decorated with pictures and [...]

Viral marketing tactics from Ling Valentine, the viral marketing tactics expert

Viral marketing tactics are so interesting and really help your marketing. Just added up the viral marketing video tactic views on my YouTube channel. http://www.youtube.com/LINGsCARS

326,181 views of 86 viral videos! My viral marketing tactic page is here: http://www.lingscars.com/cheap-lease-cars.php

Does anyone else use YouTube marketing to bring in business? I think this is VERY underused viral marketing [...]

Ling! Upscaling servers makes sense at the last minute! LINGsCARS.com

Upscaling servers makes sense at the last minute, not before.
Don’t be upscaling early when you know it makes sense to wait for the latest technology in servers. Upscaling is easy. Full details can be found here: UPSCALING SERVERS MAKES SENSE with yet more upscaling servers makes sense information on my website here: UPSCALING SERVERS [...]

Upscaling servers makes sense when computing servers are overloaded – Ling

Upscaling servers makes sense because servers need upscaling when it makes sense to say it makes upscaling necessary.
In computing, a server that may need upscaling is any combination of hardware or software designed to provide services to clients, that is struggling to cope. When used alone, the term upscaling servers makes sense typically refers to [...]

NatWest EveryWoman Every Woman Awards Business Women ceremony winners Dorchester London Nat West Award womens

I am so pleased to be the winner of the Iris Award from the NatWest EveryWoman Awards. One of the best business awards in the UK is the NatWest EveryWoman Award ceremony.

The Every Woman Awards are given in December every year and feature the best businesses in the UK run by women. The Nat West [...]

Downtime is Unacceptable says Ross Cooney about downtime being unacceptable. Rozmic spam email reduction says unacceptable downtime prevented.

Downtime is Unacceptable. “Downtime is Unacceptable” has become a calling card of mail-spam guru Ross Cooney. Downtime is largely prevented from being unacceptably long by Ross’s use of cloud computing and all those very acceptable Amazon servers.
His Emailcloud email spam service is so cheap and it avoids unacceptable stacks of spam in your inbox which [...]

Google Grope GoogleGrope search phrase blogging competition weekly top spot for bloggers on Google blog ranking rank seo compete

GoogleGrope is a weekly, worldwide competition to grab top spot on Google for a search phrase.

A fairly unique but benign search phrase is generated on this site and the race starts. Participants have 48 hours to create blog/website page which Google will (hopefully) list on its generic search page. The winner is the participant with [...]

Downtime is Unacceptable says Ross Cooney. Rozmic spam email reduction says unacceptable downtime prevented. Downtime is Unacceptable!

Downtime is unacceptable! “Downtime is Unacceptable” has become a calling card of mail-spam guru Ross Cooney. Downtime is largely prevented from being unacceptably long by Ross’s use of cloud computing and all those very acceptable Amazon servers.
His Emailcloud email spam service is so cheap and it avoids unacceptable stacks of spam in your inbox [...]

Worst Website Competition Britain’s Ugly Ugliest Web Site Vote UK’s Bad Webpage Enter Entry

Enter Britain’s Worst Website Competition – entered by LINGsCARS.com.
I am often told my website sucks or that LINGsCARS needs a makeover or a new website design. People say “Your Website is Bad!” Often people tell me LINGsCARS is the worst website in the UK or that no worse webpage exists. Britians Worst Website is [...]

Jeremy Bennett Editor Automotive Management AM Bauer Childish VAT Car Industry Puppet Mouthpiece Bias PR views new car Scrappage Scheme Dealers SMMT

Automotive Management editor Jeremy Bennett makes a massive childish gaffe, prompting calls from Ling Valentine that he studies basic maths.

AM, the UK motor trade management magazine claims: “The Government looks set to make at least £100 million profit out of the new vehicle scrappage scheme.”
Editor Bennett argues: “It will increase the pressure being put [...]

BVRLA Code of Conduct allow Criminal Breach, Illegal Advertising, British Vehicle Rental and Leasing Association John Lewis Lease members ignore mandatory code

BVRLA ignore their “mandatory” code of conduct.
The BVRLA is the “British Vehicle Rental and Leasing Association”.
SEE MY FULL WEBPAGE DETAIL HERE www.lingscars.com/bvrla.php
Established in 1967, the BVRLA claims it is the trade body for companies engaged in the leasing and rental of cars and commercial vehicles.

I have a big problem with this BVRLA! They allow their [...]

Harley Davidson leasing and contract hire new HARLEY lease CHEAP bike leasing motorbike Harley-Davidson rental motorcycle lease-hire Hog Touring, Softail, Dyna, Sportster and VRSC

I now lease Harley Davidson bikes. Motorbikes have been on LINGsCARS lease list for a long time and finally I have arranged a cheap Harley deal. These are sexy bikes! Modern Harley-branded motorcycles fall into one of five model families: Touring, Softail, Dyna, Sportster and VRSC. Model families are distinguished by the frame, engine, suspension, [...]

BEE CARS BBC Dragons Den Bee electric cars BATTERY CARS Stephen Voller Dragons’ Den Battery Bee One B1 Electric vehicle investment cash for eletric battery cars

Electric cars on BBC Dragons Den. Bee Automobiles or Bee Cars want to make new generation electric cars or eletric cars or electric vehicles or battery cars on Dragons Den. Their boss, Stephen Voller asks Dragons Den investors for £2.5 million cash money for green electric battery powered cars investment.
FULL ELECTRIC CAR BEE AUTOMOBILE BATTERY [...]

Marcus Farrar Chivers Solicitors Bingley Airedale Terriers and beefburgers, Peter Chester cars LINGsCARS Audi VW Golf Astra prisoner lawyer

Being famous is a double sided knife. Marcus Farrar is one of Ling Valentine’s best customer. He is also a high-flying lawyer.
Based at Chivers Solicitors in Bingley (a Yorkshire market town famous for Airedale Terriers and beefburgers), Marcus turns opposition solicitors’ legs to jelly when they know he is on the case.
Marcus has acted for [...]

Moneytise Moneytize Twitter How Twitter can make money permission adverts advertisments ads ad on Twitter. Brilliant idea to make Twitter Profitable

How to make money on Twitter. Very quick blog:
Full info here on my website
OK, Adverts from Twitter served as Tweets in the same way adverts are served as adwords. (ie advertisers buy keywords or phrases but also with a time element).
Each Tweetadvert is distinguished by (say) a special character or something denoting it is an [...]

Connect Internet Solutions Ltd MerseyMail Mersey Mail shut down shutdown closed hack hacking user accounts email broken vulnerability

OH DEAR! Message to all Mersey Mail users:
Connect Internet (MerseyMail) now lie to users and call me a HACKER! As ever, these inept companies LIE and BLAME others to cover up their own ACTIONS!

View full TRUE information HERE
There is also a Liverpool community forum here: YO! LIVERPOOL!
Connect Internet issued the following completely inaccurate and [...]

Husband new car scrappage scheme scrap scrapping divorce cars for cash subsidy divorceonline divorce-online Keenan

Husbands to be scrapped for cash.
Fiesty female motorists are being urged to “scrap their husbands for cash” in a new twist to the Chancellor’s car scrappage scheme.

Instead of trading in a 10-year old banger in return for £1,000 of Government subsidy, female new car leasing entrepreneur Ling Valentine is teaming up with Divorce Online and [...]

Mersey Mail MerseyMail owned by Connect Internet Solutions exposes thousands of Scousers emails to scammers hackers attack, holes and vunerability

MerseyMail are tonight exposing thousands of their Liverpool-based clients to scammers by leaving their customers email accounts open to being hacked. Any intruder who gets a email reply from a MerseyMail customer can immediately access all the mail and information in the private account. This applies to businesses and private individuals who use Mersey Mail.
Full [...]

Mark Stoddart Jamie Hurst Jonny Scott Ling’s IT LINGsCARS web University programmer developer designer experts in Sunderland Echo by Alison Goulding Twitter Internet Nerds

World Wide Wackiness

Don’t be fooled by the fun: Ling Valentine and her team mean business. And with a 2008 turnover of £35 million on track to jump to £40 million this year, there’s method in their madness.
LINGsCARS.com began life in 2001 as a traditional car contract hire business.
But Ling, who comes from Chengdu, in Sichuan, [...]

Computer Shopper UK, Zygote, Felix Dennis, Mel Croucher writes about Ling of LINGsCARS car leasing

MY DING-A-LING
When I go shopping, I interact with other shoppers and sales personnel. So why am I treated as if I’m in solitary confinement when I shop online?

The leading evangelist of treating website customers with intelligence and collaboration is Ling Valentine, who turned down a Dragon’s Den investment and went on to become Entrepreneur of [...]

New car sales registration figures statistics UK May 2009 SMMT vehicle motor industry drop by make manufacturer dealer stats

Car sales in the UK are down again, by a massive amount. This is in total contrast to my own new car sales, which are up again.
The SMMT (Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders) are once again trying to make this UK market seem like good news by suggesting that because the percentage new car [...]

New car sales registration figures statistics UK April 2009 SMMT vehicle motor industry drop by make manufacturer dealer stats

April’s registered new car sales figures for this month are abysmal. It is like watching the industry slowly die.
Registrations in April were down 24.0% or 42,193 units on the April 2008 market. It was the lowest April new UK car sales market since 1991. Registrations over the first four months of 2009 declined by 28.5% [...]

It’s Scrap! Scrapping Scheme, scrappage and car trade in for scrap subsidy and bonus. Budget, Darling and Motor Industry car dealers.

It’s Scrap!

Ling Valentine, the Gateshead-based car leasing entrepreneur says the Government Car Scrappage Scheme launched in the Budget is useless.
The scheme will see the Government offer a £1,000 incentive (up to a total of £300 million across the scheme) to be matched by participating vehicle manufacturers when scrapping a taxed, insured and MoT’d car or [...]

Car sales figures March 2009 UK registrations vehicle sales SMMT market drop statistics manufacturers and dealers

March 2009 new car sales figures from the SMMT are terrible. While my own sales are up, Paul Everitt (SMMT) needs to take (at least part) personal responsibility for this month’s terrible overall industry sales figures – AND RESIGN.
His championing of the ludicrous scrappage scheme clearly means that consumers are delaying car purchasing decisions, awaiting [...]

Car Scrappage Scheme – motor industry incentive to new car buyers to scrap older cars is mad SMMT Paul Everitt George Monbiot Buy buy bonus bye bye bonus

The Bye-Buy Bonus or Car Scrappage scheme being called for by the SMMT and most of the UK car industry is “barking mad”, claims Ling Valentine, a female Chinese immigrant who runs the UK’s favourite car leasing website, LINGsCARS.com.
The UK car industry, let by the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders (SMMT) and the Retail [...]

UK car sales February 2009 motor industry total registrations figures statistics SMMT manufacturers dealers

WOW! In Feb 2009, LINGsCARS delivered more new cars than ONE THIRD of the car companies in the UK motor industry did, according to the Society for Motor Manufacturers and Traders!
This shows the truly terrible state of car dealer sales in the UK. Morale in the manufacturers and franchised dealership groups is at an all [...]

VAT PRICE SCAM! Illegal advertising by so many other Car Leasing and Contract Hire companies in the UK!

VAT PRICE SCAM!
Illegal advertising by so many other Car Leasing companies!
I explain how many other companies break the law…
It is so unfair to my private customers and to me, how many other UK Car Leasing companies illegally advertise and display prices on their websites.
My local Trading Standards authority has been helping me with this massively [...]

Big Mac comparison cheap price index for new cars, car leasing and contract hire and lease cars from Ling! Mmmmm, I’m lovin’ it!

The Economist has a Big Mac index to measure the cost of living around the World. I have stolen it.
Now, I help my customers find car leasing and contract hire deals for the cheapest cost on new cars, by displaying a Big Mac index. This shows how many Big Macs you could buy per day [...]

Automotive Management (AM-online) BUY A CAR CAMPAIGN motor industry action letter is weak – Ling critique

Automotive Management is owned by Baur Media and edited by Stephen Briers. Faced with declining new car sales they have written a letter for incapable owners of dinosaur car dealers, that they want posted to MPs. The letter is weak and inaccurate and (in my view) a bit pathetic. Dealers are meant to fill in [...]

New Car Sales SMMT Registrations January 2009. Figures, totals and volume.

Yeoww! UK new car sales in January 2009 plummeted on last year. These are figures from the SMMT. (pic below)
My own car leasing figures are up by 20% on January 2008! How on earth can some car dealers survive? For instance, Alfa Romeo only have 257 registrations in total (remember these figures are not sales, [...]

YourFilm and LINGsCARS: Kevin Owens and Matthew Newman scoop First Prize in TV Advert Awards

TV ADS SCOOP GOLD
FRESH CREATIVE AWARD judges impressed by YourFilm’s innovation and creativity.
A film production firm has struck gold through its successful TV advertising campaign
Jarrow-based YourFilm saw off competition to land the top prize in Creative, TV, Digita, Media and PR in the Fresh Creative Awards. It was the first campaign the firm had worked [...]

Charles and the Volvo C30

Charles says…
Volvo C30 was well worth the wait. Excellent car delivered earlier than quoted. Thanks Ling. I found your service to be must helpful and straightforward to order a car. I would certainly recommend your site to my friends and I will look forward to dealing with you again. Excellent, smooth, on time delivery.
Charles Longstaff
Address [...]

Anthony’s Audi

Anthony says…
Really pleased with the car, Ling. Excellent service and hand over from the nice Audi man. I guaranteed him a lift back to the station! Thanks for the Chinese ‘Polo Mints’. They taste exactly the same as the real thing. But they’ll never catch on without a hole in the middle.
Anthony Snailham
34 The Gables
Cottam
Preston
PR4 [...]

Simon says:

Simon says…
Ling, I would gauge my reaction to your service as mixed. You make the process appear easy and straightforward. And in theory it should be. From a personal point of view, you need to listen to questions. Your eagerness to respond often means that you miss the point, ie. regarding delivery date. I would [...]

Cit C2 to Bristol

Adam says…
Thanks Ling. Had my car less than three weeks from proposal form. Car arrived in great condition and saves me a packet a petrol. My fiancé is about to order one. Excellent delivery.
Adam Knee
address withheld
Whitchurch
Bristol
BS14 ***
Editor Note: Ad, I withhold your address because you are a police sergeant and I don’t want you getting [...]

Michael’s Qashqai

Michael says…
Hi Ling.
Thanks for the excellent service you provided me. The car is fantastic and was delivered quicker than expected. Your friendly manner and wacky website really put me at ease and made the whole experience a pleasant one. The speed you answered every question I had was a breath of fresh air. Every promise [...]

C2 for Sharon

Sharon says…
Hi Ling, sorry for delay. Better late than never! I am really pleased with my funky Citroen C2 and was very impressed with the service from Lingscars. Prompt and personal, recommend you to anyone! Thanks. Excellent delivery, I was very happy with the dealer service.
Sharon Green
160 Palmerston Road
Woodston
Peterborough
PE2 9DF
Editor Note: Sharon, that’s wonderful. Those [...]

Sebastien and the hailstorm

Sebastien says…
I started my 2 year lease with Ling’s Cars last month. It’s the first time I’ve ever leased the car, but I have been delighted with the service I received. I have been kept informed of the progress with my application from start to finish and despite the fact that the car I ordered [...]

A3 for Leslie

Leslie says…
Ling, thanks for a great service. Your team do a great job – even when you are away in “Gay Paris”. Management Today may be right about your alternative approach to website navigation but at the end of the day you provide the right provide the right product at the right price and most [...]

Tim’s C300

Tim says…
Dear Ling,
Thank you for all your help with my new Chrysler 300C. I had read some testimonals on your website to prior to ordering and would totally agree with their opinion – a fast, friendly, personal service which keeps you regularly updated and at a great price. One other major factor in choosing your [...]

Cit C4 Picasso to Maidstone

Steve says…
Ling, it took a while to get used to your crazy site, but the service I received was first rate. My C4 Grand Picasso arrived at 6.30 am (I asked for an early delivery) all the way from XXX XXX. The delivery driver was courteous and was happy to spend time going over the [...]

David’s Twintop

David says…
Hi Ling. Just a quick note to say that I am very pleased with the service I received from LINGsCARS. The monthly cost advertised on the website is the price you pay and you can order online without any hassle. Everything was completed very efficiently. By email and “Lingo” without any trouble. Leasing the [...]

Fast Civic for Matthew

Matthew says…
After deciding to go the lease route for a new car I nearly gave up after all the twaddle that other supplies were giving me about why my personal quote was around £100/month move expensive than their “cheap deal” on-line.
Then I found this website, LINGsCARS.com. Ling is super efficient, honest and quick to respond [...]

Jayne’s Audi A3

Jayne says…
Super service, efficient and to the point. Best of all no salespeople to deal with! Thanks for a hassle free route to getting a new sexy motor!! Recommended to friends and fancily already. I’ll be back. Excellent delivery of my new A3, all as promised.
Jayne Ogle
17 Cavendish Park
Brough
Hull
HU15 1AU
Editor Note: Sexy, sexy car [...]

Ling can really make the Payment sing

Mike says…
“Ling can really make the payment sing”. An excellent service with good comms. Will let all our company cars from her in future. Excellent delivery of our new A6.
P.S. The free meal’s good too.
Mike Robinson
Castle Accountants Ltd
6/7 Excelsior Court
Conisborough
Doncaster
DN12 3HQ
Editor Note: Mike, REALLY??? Hahahaha, I am sure you haven’t eaten it, maybe you are [...]

Steve’s Qashqai

Steve says…
Fantastic service. Will be back for more cars/vans when we need them. Good delivery, the Qashqai arrived on time and all the controls were explained.
Steve Hill/Dave Watson
MHL Heating
Unit 7, 8-10
Marlborough Hill
HA1 1UX
Editor Note: …unlike my bloody heating system (not from MHL!) at home which has broken I have no idea of the [...]

Muhammed and the A4

Muhammed says…
From beginning to end the entire process was simple to understand. Ling has created a system which is idiot proof as the customer is led through all the different stages. She guides you, almost, mother – like, right through to the day delivery is taken. I will not be going anywhere else for my [...]

Michael and the Zafira

Michael says…
A fantastic service provided by a crazy lady. Excellent – would definitely recommend her company without hesitates. Many thanks. Excellent delivery.
Michael Burke
address withheld due to occupation
Brentwood
CM15 ***
Editor Note: Woooo Hoooo, another happy customer. 7-seat Zafira is really nice car. You are a policeman, Mick, so I withhold your address for security of you and [...]

Nice letter from Steven

Steven says…
What can I say but this…
L – Likeable
I – Informative
N – No fuss
G – Great
C – Competant
A – Attentive
R – Reliable
S – Service
Keep up the good work! Good delivery of my new Grande Punto!
Steven Walton
36 Hawth Crescent
Seaford
BN25 2RR
Editor Note: Steve, that’s fantastic. Thanks for taking so much time to send me this and I [...]

Hi Lux to Kings Lynn

Ben says…
I think your service is unique. Prompt, good value for money. One of a kind, good after sales service. I wish you all the success in the near future. You are a star. Excellent delivery, and with Ling I won’t be paying admin fees.
Ben Burman
37 Hockham Street
South Lynn
King’s Lynn
PE30 5LZ
Editor Note: Yep, no admin [...]

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About

I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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MINI BLOG
 
I am GAY ICON! WoW!
Posted: 04/02/10
Comments ( 1 )
I am GAY ICON! WoW! How amazing! I have my first Civil Partnership couple, both applying a car EACH! That was two weeks ago; the sensible one has alre... READ MORE
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NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015
Posted: 04/03/10
Comments ( 0 )
NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015 Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE
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Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...
I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!
Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am
- Ling


THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
The UK's FAVOURITE car leasing website
Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 624022
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007
LING World HQ
People's Republic of Gateshead!

 

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: Actress Kate Winslet and flemale human person's husband Sam Mendes having split up, lah, their lawyers having announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:47



LATEST: Tributes paid to Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Ashok Kumar, lah, who has been found dead in male gender human bleing's home in Middlesbrough, lah, aged 53. - news replorted 17:45



British Airways will fly about 60% of its clustomlers, lah, even if cabin crew go ahead with their planned strike this weekend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:43



A "misguided fantasist" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is jailed for two years for building makeshift bombs in male gender human bleing's bedroom in Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:43



Georgians question hoax broadcast of Russian invasion - news replorted 17:42



The Great Satan Defence Department may investigate one of its staff over claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man ran unofficial spy ring in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:38



The Conservatives preparing to outline spending cuts they would make this year if they elected, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:18



A powerful Sufi Muslim group joins Somalia's government to help tackle hardliners from al-Shabab group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 16:48



A settlements row has pushed US-Israeli relations to their lowest point for 35 years, lah, top Israeli envoy is quoted as saying. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 16:45



A violent schizophrenic man killed young father months after bloody man was fined for brutally attacking student, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:32



Credit card holders will be offered more protection from spiralling debts, lah, but changes watered down from original plans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:25



A transatlantic airline and boat repair capitalist entity announce they creating almost 300 jobs in Swansea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:00



A victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of serial abuser Fr Brendan Smyth calls on head of Catholic Church in Ireland, lah, Cardinal Sean Brady, lah, to resign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:59



Remember QXL and Beenz? 10 now defunct dotcoms - news replorted 15:47



Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown says planned strike by British Airways cabin staff is "unjustified" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and comes at "wrong time". - news replorted 15:43



Hundreds of thousands of human bliengs rally in northern India to mark 25th anniversary of party representing low-caste Hindus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:42



How serious is David Beckham's injury? - news replorted 15:36



A nuclear submarine commander whose vessel ran aground in Red Sea is reprimanded by court martial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:35



A soldier blinded by grenade in Iraq says male gender human bleing's life has been turned around by technology that allows him to "see" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with male gender human bleing's tongue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:23



A new approach is needed to give greater priority to care and support of rape victims, lah, major review says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:00



David Beckham arrives in Finland for surgery on male gender human bleing's Achilles tendon, lah, which looks set to rule him out of World Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 14:58



Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales' Euro 2012 qualifying fixtures will be decided by random draw after nations in Group G fail to agree on acceptable dates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:54



What's so wrong with being called kingmaker? - news replorted 14:21



South African judge convicts ANC official Julius Malema of hate speech for insulting woman who accused Jacob Zuma of rape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:16



A second person is held over death of couple who were killed when fire in mobility scooter spread to their home in Rugby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:12



The Israeli military has ordered two West capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity villages at centre of protests against "separation wall" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) off-limits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:09



A man is arrested over death of mother-of-three who went missing after night out in Dundee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:08



Thailand's prime dodgy minister rejects protesters' demands for male gender human bleing's resignation, lah, as red-shirt rallies continue in Bangkok. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 13:57



Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown says bloody man wantings to "keep going", lah, after being asked if bloody man would resign if Labour failed to win general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:52



Children's Secretary Ed Balls criticises children's commissioner for "ill advised" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about James Bulger's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47



Children's Secretary Ed Balls criticises children's commissioner for "ill advised" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about James Bulger's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47



Governments need to crack down on illegal trade in tiger parts if big cats to be saved from extinction, lah, UN warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47



EU Bloody foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton begins Middle East tour amid tension over Israeli housing project in East Jerusalem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:22



Friends actor David Schwimmer is to marry male gender human bleing's British photographer girlfriend Zoe Buckman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:15



The chief executive of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Water is to give quarter of male gender human bleing's annual bonus to charity, lah, bloody man announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:13



The pay of university heads has soared with some now earning more than prime minister, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:12



Teenagers, lah, Shakespeare and Lady Gaga - news replorted 12:40



Fitness tests should be introduced for children in secondary schools to help make human bliengs more active, lah, chief medical officer for Province of Engrish running-dogs says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:31



Lip gloss and hair straighteners replace lipstick and hair dryers in typical basket of velly damn good boiled chicken-feets used to calculate inflation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:27



The head of Catholic Church in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers says bloody man will only resign over alleged abuse "cover-up" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if Pope asks him to so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:25



David Beckham is flying to Finland for surgery on male gender human bleing's Achilles tendon, lah, which looks set to rule him out of World Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:18



India's government approves bill to allow Bloody foreign universities to set up campuses and offer degrees to students in India. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:12



Research suggests that key Tory constituencies could suffer most from Conservative policy on super-fast broadband. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:59



Two men in their 20s appear in court in Newry on Monday charged with terrorism offences after old bill bobbys operation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:48



Robbie Williams' Sport Relief single, lah, Morning Sun, lah, fails to make top 40 bloody annoying Blitish singles chart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:44



Most old bill bobbys forces in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep still unfairly target black and Asian human bliengs in their using of stop and search powers, lah, equality watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:42



An elderly woman suffered serious neglect at Teesside care home because of widespread failings, lah, review finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:41



A massive power failure plunges much of earthquake-hit Chile into darkness, lah, affecting up to 90% of population. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:37



Sixty-nine human bliengs arrested in six European countries as part of co-ordinated old bill bobbys operation against Georgian mafia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:34



Former patients of hospital consultant struck off after one of male gender human bleing's patients died speak of their suffering at male gender human bleing's hands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:31



A parliamentary committee raise concerns over leadership of bloody annoying Blitish equalities chief Trevor Phillips and questions male gender human bleing's reappointment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:31



Reindeer having "switched off" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) their internal body clocks to survive dark winters and light summers in Arctic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 11:20



Hull City manager Phil "Dear Leader" Brown has been relieved of male gender human bleing's duties at struggling Premier League club and put on gardening leave. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:08



The bloody annoying Blitish Bloody foreign Secretary David Miliband is in China to hold discussions with country's political leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:59



Province of Engrish running-dogs require five wickets to win first Test against Bangladesh after hosts close day four on 191-5, lah, still 321 runs behind. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:57



What is behind Nick Clegg's refusal to pick party? - news replorted 10:40



South East Asian nations ramping up their military capacity in move that could destabilise region, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:34



A man whose home was raided as part of terror probe says male gender human bleing's property has not been returned, lah, although inquiry was dropped. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:53



What UK's dotcom pioneers doing now? - news replorted 09:51



The Great Satan gets ready for wars fought in cyberspace - news replorted 09:27



A deadline for Darfur rebels and Sudan's government to finalise peace deal is unlikely to be met, lah, amid rebel split. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:09



Peter Graves - star of TV series Mission: Impossible and Airplane films - dies in Los Angeles, lah, aged 83. - news replorted 08:54



The internet domain name dotcom celebrates its 25th anniversary as nearly 86 million active internet sites now using it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:49



Coronation Street actor Danny Young is voted off ITV1's Dancing on Ice following costly mistake in skate-off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 08:28



An inquiry is launched to find out how inmate at high-security Frankland jail managed to stab three officers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:25



David Beckham's dream of playing in fourth World Cup looks over after bloody man tears Achilles tendon in AC Milan's 1-0 win over Chievo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:11



old bill bobbys make four arrests after body of 46-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man was discovered at male gender human bleing's home in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep valleys on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:48



A suicide bomber explodes LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in Iraqi city of Falluja, lah, killing at least seven human bliengs and wounding 13, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:31



China National Offshore Oil Corporation is paying $3.1bn for 50% stake in Argentine oil and gas group Bridas Corporation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:26



Gavin Hewitt on how mid-term polls seen in France - news replorted 07:23



Pakistani fighter jets target suspected Taliban hideouts in north-western Orakzai tribal area, lah, killing at least nine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:17



The Catholic primate of all-autonomous province of Guinness drinkers rejects calls to resign over claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man helped cover up sex abuse investigation in 1970s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:52



The environment dodgy minister is expected to claim (always claiming, huh?) Welsh land of sheep and more sheep has potential to produce twice its renewable energy needs in future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:37



Brazil's president arrives in Israel at start of Middle East tour to throw male gender human bleing's country's weight behind peace process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:07



How German POWs helped build bloody Engrish icon - news replorted 06:01



The internet domain name dotcom celebrates its 25th anniversary as nearly 86 million active internet sites now using it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:55



Commissioner comes under fire over Venables - news replorted 05:25



At least 26 students killed and dozens hurt when bus plunges into river in India's northern state of Rajasthan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:19



Pupils at four schools in Glasgow being given lessons in how to sleep. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 03:32



Pupils at four schools in Glasgow being given lessons in how to sleep. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 03:32



President Sarkozy's party faces defeat from Socialists in regional elections, lah, which also saw strong showing by National Front. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:16



Bangladesh dig deep and take first Test into final day after Province of Engrish running-dogs's bowlers struggle to wrap up victory in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:56



Ban Ki-moon tells Haiti world will continue to support them as they recover from devastating earthquake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:44



Best in Show finale brings Crufts Dog Show to close - news replorted 01:44



A parliamentary committee raise concerns over leadership of bloody annoying Blitish equalities chief Trevor Phillips and questions male gender human bleing's reappointment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:23



Cancer patients losing out on benefit payments worth millions of pounds, lah, according to leading charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:23



Greens can't getting Japan to blubber for dead whales - news replorted 00:59



Exercise and diet key to prevent diabetes in high-risk people, lah, say experts who found two medicines offer no benefit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01



'They believe Mummy is angel watching them' - news replorted 00:01



There needs to be "radical overhaul" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu travel in bloody annoying Blitish to avoid future gridlock, lah, CBI warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



The royalties bloody annoying Blitish songwriters getting from online sales now growing faster than decline from CDs and DVDs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00




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