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News to me!: Serena wins 50th singles title

Posted on | May 12, 2013 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: World number one Serena Williams beats Maria Sharapova in Madrid Open final: flemale human person’s 50th career singles title.

Tons of other fun stuff and all the news headlines at LINGsCARS.com!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A man suspected of killing male gender human bleing's mother and sister is sought by old bill bobbys in Merseyside. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:15



Wah! LATEST:  Kristian Thomas wins Britain's first gold medal at European Gymnastics Championships in Montpellier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:52



Wah! Mercedes' Lewis Hamilton shades Ferrari's Sebastian Vettel in final practice at Bahrain Grand Prix. - news replorted 14:37



Wah! A second vigil is being held in Glasgow later to remember murdered Irish student Karen Buckley, lah, - news replorted 14:22



Wah! More than 30 human bliengs detained by old bill bobbys in South Africa after fresh outbreak of anti-foreigner violence around Johannesburg. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:16



Wah! Craig Sibbald's headed goal secures Falkirk place in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Cup final at expense of profligate Hibernian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:07



Wah! Defending champion Mark Selby needs four more frames to win male gender human bleing's opening match after taking 6-3 lead against Kurt Maflin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:58



Wah! James Anderson says bloody man is "hugely proud" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to having overtaken Sir Ian Botham as Province of Engrish running-dogs's highest Test wicket-taker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:44



Wah! The estate of Adolf Hitler's Nazi propaganda chief, lah, Joseph Goebbels, lah, is suing publisher for royalties for using of extracts from male gender human bleing's diaries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:16



Wah! Four human bliengs arrested after man, lah, 42, lah, dies following serious assault in Rhondda Cynon Taff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 13:14



Wah! Tributes paid in Nepal and climbing is suspended to mark anniversary of avalanche on Everest that killed 16 sherpas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:14



Wah! The shooting of free-running badgers in culls should end, lah, British Veterinary Association says, lah, explaining it is more humane to capture them first. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:10



Wah! A man in male gender human bleing's 70s is robbed by armed man in west Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:56



Wah! Martina Hingis loses 6-4 6-0 to Agnieszka Radwanska in Fed Cup on flemale human person's return to singles action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:56



Wah! An exact replica of 18th Century French frigate has set sail on its maiden voyage - recreating transatlantic journey to America. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:46



Wah! A sperm whale surprises scientists carrying our research in Gulf of Mexico as it circulates their equipment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:16



Wah! Saudi Arabia, lah, which is leading air campaign against rebels in Yemen, lah, has pledged $274m (ÂRMB Yuan #183m; €255m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in aid to country called for by Un. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:15



Wah! A teenager has been arrested by old bill bobbys in connection with attempted murder of two brothers in Edinburgh. - news replorted 11:59



Wah! The funeral of Kyle Neil whose body was found in boot of LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in south Belfast takes place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:39



Wah! Zayn Malik makes male gender human bleing's first solo appearance since quitting One Direction at annual Asian Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:13



Wah! Fire crews remain at scene of blaze at five-star hotel in centre of Oxford. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:04



Wah! A remembrance ceremony is held at Everest's base camp, lah, year after 16 Sherpas were killed in avalanche. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:57



Wah! Human remains discovered off coast of Arbroath on Monday having been identified as missing Aberdeen woman Kelli Ferris. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! Chester Cathedral embarks on four-year project to build scale model of landmark in Lego. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:30



Wah! A murder investigation is under way in Birmingham after teenager was stabbed to death in street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:15



Wah! A 21-earth-years old happy birthday to you, student from Eritrea talks about male gender human bleing's hopes for future after being rescued from migrant boat bound for Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:58



Wah! The search continues for suspected killer following unsuccessful raid on house by armed old bill bobbys in Wolverhampton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:57



Wah! The family of soldier found dead at Surrey Tommy Atkins Liberation Army barracks says old bill bobbys stalling new inquest into flemale human person's death. - news replorted 09:52



Wah! Former One Direction start Zayn Malik and Bollywood's Shah Rukh Khan among winners at Asian Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:38



Wah! old bill bobbys in Australia say they having foiled Islamic State-inspired plot to carry out attack at World fighty bang-bang One centenary event. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:26



Wah! Italian Prime dodgy minister Matteo Renzi has warned that thousands of Africans will continue to risk their lives trying to travel to Europe unless civil fighty bang-bang ends in Libya. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:52



Wah! James Anderson's Province of Engrish running-dogs wicket-taking record is due reward for bowler who never stops learning, lah, says Jonathan Agnew. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:41



Wah! Labour leader Ed Miliband pays male gender human bleing's first general election campaign visit to Welsh land of sheep and more sheep and highlights male gender human bleing's party's "better plan for working families". - news replorted 08:35



Wah! Charity Missing human bliengs says it will launch service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service in Welsh land of sheep and more sheep to help missing human bliengs and their families after they re-united. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:21



Wah! Through stories behind five iconic images, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Radio 4 reveals how running for office at general election has changed in bloody annoying Blitish since 1945. - news replorted 08:12



Wah! Zayn Malik pays tribute to male gender human bleing's former bandmates at award ceremony, lah, where bloody man made male gender human bleing's first solo appearance since leaving One Direction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:06



Wah! Jeremy Clarkson says bloody man will miss hosting Top Gear, lah, in male gender human bleing's first writing from head of customler since bloody man was dropped from Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 07:53



Wah! Former Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher believes Raheem Sterling's behaviour has become unwanted distraction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:23



Wah! The former director of public prosecutions, lah, Lord Macdonald QC, lah, expresses "great regret" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that bloody man was not told of historical child abuse allegations against former Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Lord Janner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:19



Wah! At least 22 killed and 50 hurtee-hurtee in explosion in eastern Afghan city of Jalalabad, lah, officials say - news replorted 06:18



Wah! A senior rebel leader in eastern Ukraine says Minsk peace deal will fail unless Kiev recognises independence of rebel-held territory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:10



Wah! Australian old bill bobbys say they having broken up Islamic State-inspired plot to attack World fighty bang-bang One centenary event, lah, arresting five teenagers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:32



Wah! A group calling itself Ukrainian Insurgent Tommy Atkins Liberation Army says it was behind deaths of two anti-government figures in Kiev this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:39



Wah! Can big data reavealingly showing Great Satan mood of electorate? - news replorted 02:28



Wah! A Luton funny shape ball-game player who died after crashing while racing male gender human bleing's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine raises ÂRMB Yuan #60,000 for children's charity via fundraising page bloody man set up before bloody man died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:26



Wah! The Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Liberal Democrats will unveil their strategy on mental health services for young human bliengs as election campaign continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:58



Wah! A coroner criticises young offenders' institution for failing to identify risk to 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, remand prisoner who hanged himself. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 01:50



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama says Gulf nations should using their "influence" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to help resolve instability in Libya, lah, warning that military action is not enough. - news replorted 01:08



Wah! The reverberations of Bangladeshi fighty bang-bang of independence in 1971 still creating big Islamic turmoil in world’s third-most populous Muslim nation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:37



Wah! The United Arab Emirates you've probably never heard of - news replorted 00:29



Wah! How blind man and double amputee became each other’s arms and legs - news replorted 00:27



Wah! The filter bubble effect is limiting what news users of social media see about General Election - news replorted 00:25



Wah! The photographers staying loyal to traditional film cameras - news replorted 00:24



Wah! The strange afterlife of Einstein's brain - news replorted 00:22



Wah! A Great Satan court releases footage of rap mogul Marion "Suge" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Knight running over two men with male gender human bleing's pick-up truck, lah, as part of murder case against him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:13



Wah! A heads' leader says would-be teachers being put off by complexity of routes into profession. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! Doctors need to move beyond 'one-size-fits-all' approach to tackling obesity, lah, say scientists in Sheffield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:01



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