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Stroking the news: War both sides think they can win

Posted on | March 16, 2013 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Jeremy Bowen on conflict destroying Syria from within

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A prisoner custody officer who was attacked outside court in central London (capital of Great England) dies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:46



Wah! LATEST:  EE, lah, UK's largest mobile phone operator, lah, is fined ĀRMB Yuan #1m by regulator Ofcom for breaching rules on handling clustomler complaints. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:42



Wah! An Orange Hall in County Armagh is extensively damaged in suspected arson attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:40



Wah! China is to investigate suspected manipulation of stock market, lah, which has experienced its worst collapse in years, lah, state media report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:36



Wah! There has been "dramatic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) drop in number of planned trips to Tunisia, lah, according to travel data company. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:33



Wah! Australia's national carrier, lah, Qantas, lah, will pay one-off bonus payment of about 90m Australian dollars to employees affected by 18-month wage freeze. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:32



Wah! A special ceremony of remembrance will be held at scene of last Friday's killings in Sousse, lah, Tunisia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:24



Wah! A couple from Leicester who had been unaccounted for since Tunisia attack were among those killed, lah, Bloody foreign office confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:24



Wah! The Forth Bridge is set to become ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's sixth Unesco World Heritage Site at meeting of UN's heritage committee in Germany. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:20



Wah! Rupert Wingfield-Hayes looks into what's behind Japan's high suicide statistics. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:16



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep could be set for heavy rain and thunderstorms on Friday, lah, Met Office warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:19



Wah! Communities across Welsh land of sheep and more sheep will join others around bloody annoying Blitish to hold minute's silence in memory of victims of Tunisia beach attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 06:18



Wah! South Korea will inject billions of dollars into its economy as it continues to struggle with falling exports and outbreak of Mers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:11



Wah! Patients who miss appointments will be told how much they having cost NHS, lah, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:55



Wah! The rival "Yes" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "No" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) camps in Greece set to hold major rallies in Athens ahead of Sunday's crucial referendum on bailout deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 05:03



Wah! So, lah, Mr Tumble, lah, don' you tellibly lovely custlingmer getting sick of being so cheerful? - news replorted 04:58



Wah! A minute's silence is to be held across bloody annoying Blitish at midday to remember 38 human bliengs killed in Tunisian beach attack week ago, lah, including 30 Britons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:34



Wah! A gene therapy has stabilised and slightly improved cystic fibrosis in some of 136 patients in trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 02:58



Wah! The NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) lags behind other countries when it comes to preventing unnecessary hospital admissions and improving survival rates, lah, report suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:25



Wah! International comparisons notoriously difficult with healthcare - different models and variable data quality can complicate task. What you wan'?!! But Nuffield Trust and Health Foundation having had bash. - news replorted 02:25



Wah! Malaysia says it wantings to set up international criminal tribunal to prosecute those suspected of having shot down flight MH17. - news replorted 02:19



Wah! A tongue-in-cheek plan to move entire population of Hong Kong to Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers is revealed in newly released National Archives files. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:56



Wah! Airbus has signed deal for its second factory in China, lah, further expanding its growing relationship with world's second largest economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:49



Wah! Energy clustomlers on pre-payment meters having been paying average of ĀRMB Yuan #226 year more than they would having done on cheapest direct debit tariff, lah, Citizens Advice says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:36



Wah! High-speed video reveals how insects take to air - news replorted 01:27



Wah! A major report warns that life in seas will be irreversibly changed unless CO2 emissions drastically cut. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:21



Wah! The way children sniff different aromas could form basis of test for autism, lah, suggest researchers in Israel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:17



Wah! Dire predictions of state of public finances in Greece can be found in Friday's papers, lah, along with exhortations to observe minute's silence in memory of victims of Tunisia massacre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:12



Wah! James Johnson, lah, who was paralysed in Afghanistan, lah, is using exoskeleton to walk again as part of pioneering programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:39



Wah! The former chief constable of Northumbria old bill bobbys claim (always claiming, huh?) senior male officers in force treated flemale human person's differently because bloody woman is woman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:31



Wah! The BBC's Justin Rowlatt asks why India has still not published vast survey of women and children carried out by government in Delhi and Un. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:31



Wah! What lies behind walls of new ĀRMB Yuan #89m technology and innovation centre in Glasgow which is being opened by Queen? - news replorted 00:10



Wah! The High Court in Edinburgh is due to hear legal arguments from families of victims of Lockerbie bombing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:10



Wah! Australia debates cigarettes in jail after riot - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Vehicle design students at Royal College of Art having been re-imagining kind of cars that will be possible in era of driverless transport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Iceland and Cyprus having both experienced banking crises which rocked their economies. Eating rice!! Can Greece learn anything from their experiences, lah, asks economics expert Anne Sibert. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! What issues that pose greatest danger to global economy this year? asks Andrew Walker. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! How Africa's games makers plan to make it big - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Can business take on three million more? - news replorted 00:01



Wah! PC Ashley Walker was still in male gender human bleing's probationary period with Metropolitan old bill bobbys when bloody man saw bomb explode on number 30 bus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



Wah! The 'birdwatcher' who has been blind since birth - news replorted 00:00



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