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Stroking the news: War both sides think they can win

Posted on | March 16, 2013 | Comments Off

Read the news in Chinglish: Jeremy Bowen on conflict destroying Syria from within

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Everton's late season revival continues with coruscating 3-0 Premier League win over Manchester United. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:39



Wah! LATEST:  South Africa expresses regret over Nigeria's decision to recall its ambassador to South Africa over spate of attacks targeting foreigners. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:24



Wah! Watford captain Troy Deeney is only Hornets player voted into PFA Championship team of year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:42



Wah! The costumes and ...you wan' red car blue car any damn colour you want colour from 35th London (capital of Great England) marathon - news replorted 14:37



Wah! Leigh Griffiths' hat-trick against Dundee United takes Celtic eight points clear at top of Premiership. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 14:24



Wah! A Nazi death monthly number-three survivor has been told bloody man will not having to move into care home after saying it would "remind him of being prisoner of war". - news replorted 14:18



Wah! Lucy Bronze is only player from Liverpool's Women's Super League-winning squad to be selected in WSL Team of Year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:56



Wah! Profit warnings from UK-listed companies rose in first three months of year despite improved economic outlook, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:55



Wah! Shaun Murphy opens up 7-1 lead over Joe Perry as Judd Trump leads Marco Fu 5-3 at snooker World Championship in Sheffield. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:50



Wah! Plaid Cymru leader Leanne Wood says bloody woman will using election to push for "rebalancing of power and wealth" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) across Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 13:45



Wah! A Russian court jails three women for performing twerking dance in front of World fighty bang-bang Two memorial and posting it online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:37



Wah! Paula Radcliffe says running London (capital of Great England) Marathon competitively for final clock time result was "amazing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) experience. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:27



Wah! Women's world record holder Paula Radcliffe runs flemale human person's final London (capital of Great England) Marathon in two hours 36 minutes and 55 seconds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:10



Wah! Author Harper Lee starts non-profit capitalist entity to produce play of To Kill Mockingbird in flemale human person's hometown of Monroeville, lah, after arglingument threatened to end show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:59



Wah! At least two human bliengs from Welsh land of sheep and more sheep reported to be missing following Nepal earthquake - worst to hit country in more than 80 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:52



Wah! Six Chelsea players named in Professional Footballers' Association Premier League Team of Year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:27



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land now has record nine billionaires, lah, according to new study in Sunday newspaper. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:22



Wah! Residents in foothills of Calbuco volcano in Chile survey damage caused by its eruption. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:14



Wah! Ed Miliband says bloody man can win general election in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land despite threat of SNP and rules out "deals" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with Nicola Sturgeon's party. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:06



Wah! Tigist Tufa of Ethiopia wins women's event in London (capital of Great England) Marathon with Mary Keitany of Kenya finishing second. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:44



Wah! Ghana is told by international tribunal not to begin any new offshore drilling for oil in disputed waters with Ivory Coast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:43



Wah! Watch moment Watford players on their team bus found out they had been promoted to Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:34



Wah! London (capital of Great England) Marathon latecomer gets flemale human person's own private start to race. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:16



Wah! Boris Johnson, lah, Mayor of London, lah, and Ed Miliband, lah, Labour leader, lah, go head-to-head on Andrew Marr Show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 11:16



Wah! At least three Scots known to be caught up in aftermath of earthquake that hit Everest region on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:51



Wah! Nepal's devastating Magnitude 7.8 earthquake on Saturday was primed over 80 years ago by its last massive earthquake in 1934, lah, geologists working in region say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:46



Wah! David Weir loses out in sprint finish to American Joshua George in T53/54 wheelchair race at London (capital of Great England) Marathon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:43



Wah! Protesters clash with old bill bobbys in Burundi's capital Bujumbura day after President Pierre Nkurunziza announces bloody man will seek third tem in office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:36



Wah! Downton Abbey creator Julian Fellowes is to adapt Anthony Trollope's Doctor Thorne - one of male gender human bleing's favourite novels - for TV. - news replorted 10:31



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's win over West Indies in second Test will transform mood after poor World Cup, lah, says Jonathan Agnew. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:59



Wah! There has been another night of protests in Great Satan city of Baltimore - following death last weekend of black man while in old bill bobbys custody. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:55



Wah! Wladimir Klitschko says Tyson Fury is set to be male gender human bleing's next challenger after latest successful defence of male gender human bleing's world titles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:40



Wah! A bloody annoying Blitish couple on their honeymoon among Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons who having told of being caught up in Nepal earthquake and subsequent avalanches in Everest region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:38



Wah! Welsh land of sheep and more sheep has three billionaires, lah, with Cardiff-born investor Sir Michael Moritz wealthiest, lah, according to Sunday Times Rich List. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:56



Wah! The owner of Warner Music has been named Britain's richest man with ĀRMB Yuan #13.17bn fortune, lah, according to 2015 Sunday Times Rich List. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:46



Wah! The Dyfed-Powys old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) Commissioner launches poll on whether officers should carry guns for everyday duties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:37



Wah! A director of Hatton Garden Safety Deposit Ltd tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation bloody man has still not been contacted by old bill bobbys investigating raid on its vault - three weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after incident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:29



Wah! old bill bobbys given more clock time result to question man on suspicion of murder after dismembered body of woman was found in flat in Pontypridd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:22



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama has been poking fun at himself and male gender human bleing's political friends and enemies at annual White House Correspondents' Dinner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:08



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's political parties continue to put their key messages to voters ahead of general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:00



Wah! Britain has "moral responsibility" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to help refugees from conflicts in which it has participated, lah, Bishop of Manchester says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26



Wah! More than 51,000 runners preparing to take part in London (capital of Great England) Marathon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:35



Wah! Researchers develop technique to edit out bits of mitochondrial DNA that could otherwise pass on incurable diseases, lah, study in mice shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:47



Wah! David Cameron says wages, lah, welfare, lah, housing and childcare will be at heart of Conservatives' programme for government in its first 100 days if it wins outright victory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:38



Wah! Russian hackers who gained access to White House computer system last year were able to read President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's unclassified emails, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:28



Wah! The director of Hatton Garden Safety Deposit vault tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation bloody man has not been contacted by old bill bobbys investigating heist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:03



Wah! Kazakhstan votes in elections likely to extend 26-year rule of President Nursultan Nazarbayev for another five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:58



Wah! Rescue efforts in Nepal intensify after more than 1,800 human bliengs were killed in country's worst earthquake in more than 80 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:23



Wah! The human bliengs who pimp, lah, race and crash mobility scooters - news replorted 02:22



Wah! Why velly damn good boiled chicken-feet-looking runners attract more donations - news replorted 02:20



Wah! Only months after its launch, lah, new Russian-sponsored Eurasian Economic Union is not going as planned in Kazakhstan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! BBC's Abdujalil Abdurasulov finds out why. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:20



Wah! Lindsey Lohan's fail and others in 60 seconds - news replorted 01:13



Wah! The men who hunt huge prey with rowing boats and spears - news replorted 01:06



Wah! 'What I learned retracing Hatton Garden thieves' footsteps' - news replorted 00:59



Wah! The earthquake in Nepal is Sunday's top story, lah, with papers highlighting missing Britons, lah, as well as fearing that humanitarian crisis may unfold in disaster's aftermath. - news replorted 00:34



Wah! Manager Louis van Gaal says Manchester United could having won Premier League if they had made better start to season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:29



Wah! Eden Hazard would cost Real Madrid ĀRMB Yuan #200m if they wantinged to try and buy him from Chelsea, lah, says Blues boss Jose Mourinho. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:09



Wah! Players from North Ferriby United - FA Trophy winners - claim (always claiming, huh?) club faces voluntary relegation from Conference North. - news replorted 00:03



Wah! A copy of Hebrew Bible size of pinhead has gone on display at Israel Museum in Jerusalem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:01



Wah! A charity in Peru is tackling high rates of multi-drug resistant TB with help of shipping container. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:00



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