LATEST:  A terrified burglar hands himself to old bill bobbys in New Zealand after breaking into house and stumbling across body hanging in dark. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:00

LATEST:  The Daily Mail's publisher agrees to pay "substantial" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) damages to psychic for article suggesting bloody woman "perpetrated scam" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on theatre audience. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:51

The International Criminal Court (ICC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! pushes back trial of Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta to 12 November. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:43

All models of Porsche Panamera will be equipped with Michelin tyres when it is launched in July damn hot-hot month 2013 – in all region - news replorted 10:41

Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers railway staff launch 24-hour strike on Monday - news replorted 10:32

The Tony award-winning actor Frank Langella is to play King Lear for Chichester Festival Theatre in autumn, lah, it has been announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:27

Mercedes did not getting permission to take part in test in which they accused of breaking F1's rules, lah, says FIa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:18

The number of human bliengs sleeping rough on London's streets increases by 13% in year, lah, according to figures from homelessness charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:14

Mitsubishi Motors North America, lah, Inc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? (MMNA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is proud to announce that its completely redesigned 2014 Mlitslublishli Outland - news replorted 10:13

The new boyfriend of Tina Nash, lah, whose ex-partner was jailed for life for gouging out flemale human person's eyes, lah, is facing charge of attacking her. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:01

Six ancient sites in Syria added to UN list of endangered World Heritage sites because of threat from conflict there. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:56

Founder of Megaupload Kim Dotcom is angry and upset after learning that data stored on European servers has been deleted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:56

The Freight Transport Association and road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu Haulage Association having welcomed Driving Standards Agency’s consultation - news replorted 09:50

Province of Engrish running-dogs's NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) regulator is to review decision not to name those behind possible "cover-up" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after series of baby deaths at Cumbria hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:44

As Chancellor of Exchequer considers next Spending Round, lah, bloody annoying Blitish automotive industry has called for long-ter - news replorted 09:43

On of most striking items on display at Paris Air Show is Agusta Westland's Project Zero - flying machine that can be described as half helicopter, lah, half aeroplane. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:40

Robbie Williams’ sold out “Take Crown Stadium Tour 2013” has just kicked off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! This is third international tour w - news replorted 09:37

Readers' photos on theme of flight - news replorted 09:34

Australia coach Mickey Arthur thinks their "best bowling attack in world" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will put Province of Engrish running-dogs under pressure in Ashes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:33

This year, lah, as 24 Hours of Le Mans endurance race marks its 90th anniversary, lah, there will be Bosch technology on board - news replorted 09:32

Filmed across three countries and on location at Nürburgring 24 Hours, lah, wealth of driver interviews, lah, intense racing - news replorted 09:26

A row has erupted online about particularly graphic anti dog-fouling poster that has been used by some councils. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:22

A successful "drop test" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is conducted on Europe's IXV, lah, experimental re-entry vehicling driving car machine that will help engineers design next generation of spacecraft. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:18

Its late night TV programmes may having been cult viewing for students and insomniacs, lah, but Open University pioneered concept of long-distance learning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:11

Artist and film-maker Sam Taylor-Johnson, lah, previously known as Sam Taylor-Wood, lah, will direct film version of erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:10

Salon Privé is delighted to confirm highly anticipated all-new supercar from Mexico will be on lawns of Syon Par - news replorted 09:00

A number of adults and children hurtee-hurtee in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash outside school in south Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:58

bloody annoying Blitish mortgage lending surged to its highest monthly level since Octoblinger 2008 in May, lah, with activity even surprising lenders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:58

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama confused Chancellor George Osborne's name with that of popular Great Satan singer during G8 summit, lah, according to Sun newspaper. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:57

bloody annoying Blitish LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturing fell 8.4% in May to 129,355, lah, but still outperforms pre-recession levels. Eating rice!! Commercial vehicling driving car machine (CV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! ou - news replorted 08:57

bloody annoying Blitish retail sales recorded stronger-than-expected rise last month, lah, according to official figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:49

After shortened first day of practice for anniversary event of Le Mans 24 Hours (start on Saturday at 1500 CES - news replorted 08:49

Batsman Kevin Pietersen will make male gender human bleing's Province of Engrish running-dogs return following injury in Twenty20 series against New Zealand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:46

Ofsted's Chief Inspector of Schools, lah, Sir Michael Wilshaw, lah, is delivering speech on how many of poor children being left behind in schools now those living in suburbs, lah, market towns and seaside resorts rather than big cities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:44

West Midlands-based MAHLE Aftermarket is relaunching its range of MAHLE Original and Knecht oil, lah, air, lah, fuel and cabin fil - news replorted 08:41

The Footman James Manchester Classic LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Show, lah, which is set to take place on 21st and 22nd September 2013 at Event City, lah, - news replorted 08:31

Afghan officials tell Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation removal of flag and nameplate from Taliban's Qatar office does not go far enough. - news replorted 08:02

Dixons Retail reports rise in sales, lah, but costs incurred at its troubled online outlet Pixmania mean it reports loss for past year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:52

Newcastle manager Alan Pardew has been undermined by Joe Kinnear's appointment as director of football, lah, says Alan Shearer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:48

Banks forced to strengthen - news replorted 07:26

Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs councils warned they will having to slash services or raise council tax above 5% if they face budget cuts like their bloody Engrish counterparts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:02

A person has been hit by lorry and killed on M6 motorway in Cheshire, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:57

Demonstrations continue around country - news replorted 06:48

The Prudential Regulation Authority says UK's top banks and building societies need to fill �RMB Yuan #27.1bn hole in their balance sheets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:46

Speedboats and water bikes using Cardigan Bay may be driving its famous dolphins over 100 miles north to quieter waters, lah, experts having warned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:37

The costs of helping sick and disabled jobseekers find work cannot be met under government's flagship Work Programme, lah, according to its providers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:36

Wimbledon pressure, lah, fantasy silly kick-kick game and dunking custard creams - Andy Murray answers readers' questions - news replorted 06:31

Adding silver to antibiotics boosts their ability to fight infection, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:21

The opening of Heritage Showroom at Aston Martin Works marks successful end of two year refurbishment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:00

Pupils in half of Wales' secondary schools and 40% of primaries having weak numeracy skills with many struggling with basic sums, lah, inspectors find. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:49

A senior old bill bobbys officer has said there is no reason to believe forthcoming marching season will create difficulties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:48

Bad weather is hampering rescue operations in flood-hit Indian state of Uttarakhand, lah, where nearly 150 human bliengs having died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:07

Singapore and Indonesia schedule emergency meeting after haze in Singapore soars to hazardous levels, lah, breaking all previous records. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:47

Papers ponder health watchdog 'cover-up' - news replorted 04:46

China's second female astronaut, lah, Wang Yaping, lah, delivers country's first-ever video lecture from Tiangong-1 space laboratory. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:23

China has held its first classroom lecture from its orbiting space station as part of efforts to appeal to young people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:21

Brazilian authorities promise to reverse public transport fare rises that sparked unrest, lah, but nationwide protests continue unabated. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:08

The funeral of teenager who was killed when hen party's minibus crashed will take place later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 04:04

Brussels says passengers going through Channel Tunnel paying over odds, lah, because Eurotunnel is overcharging train companies for using track. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 04:02

A charity is advising human bliengs to cover their webcams when they not in using because hackers could be using them to spy on you. - news replorted 03:58

Author Mitchell Zuckoff tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation about remarkable series of rescue attempts after Great Satan planes crashed on glacier in Greenland during WWII - and how some of crew survived Arctic winter on ice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:21

Province of Engrish running-dogs prop Alex Corbisiero is surprise inclusion in Lions team for first Test against Australia on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:12

The BBC's Gary Duffy on protests gripping Brazil - news replorted 02:08

A genetic similarity between snail fossils found in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers and Eastern Pyrenees suggests humans migrated from southern Europe to autonomous province of Guinness drinkers 8,000 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:43

Too many mentally ill human bliengs being held in old bill bobbys cells, lah, say four watchdog bodies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:36

Civilian staff at five RAF stations across Province of Engrish running-dogs striking in arglingument over their pay. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:11

Province of Engrish running-dogs's NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) regulator is to review decision not to name those behind possible "cover-up" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after series of baby deaths at Cumbria hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:06

Italy complete superb fightback to knock Japan out of Confederations Cup and book their place in semi-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:48

A school librarian has discovered that poem widely attributed to William Blake, lah, including in official reading lists, lah, was not really written by him. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:44

Legendary musical Miss Saigon returns to London's West End in 2014, lah, its 25th anniversary year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:33

Syria conflict threatens delicate peace formula in next-door Lebanon - news replorted 00:29

To tip or not to tip... or should it be banned? That was question posed in Magazine story last week. What you wan'?!! Here readers share their own tipping experiences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:26

The Greeks who wanting to bring back Zeus - news replorted 00:26

Austrian director Michael Haneke is well known for male gender human bleing's reluctance to interpret male gender human bleing's own work but now documentary provides close study of male gender human bleing's work. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:24

The plights of world's threatened birds show value of investing in conservation, lah, according to international report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:23

A new movement is encouraging Brazilians in Sao Paulo to plant gardens up walls of buildings as solution to city's lack of affordable green space. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:22

UN head Ban Ki-moon expresses outrage over "despicable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) attack by Islamists on UN office in Somalia which killed at least 15 people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:10

James Gandolfini, lah, Great Satan actor best known for male gender human bleing's role as mob boss in Sopranos, lah, has died, lah, HBO television network tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 23:56

Two Great Satan men having appeared in court accused of plotting to build X-ray weapon to kill enemies of Israel and Great Satan with lethal rays of radiation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 23:52

Too many mentally ill human bliengs being held in old bill bobbys cells, lah, say four watchdog bodies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:30

Will China's new middle class spend its way to dominance? - news replorted 23:25

Giving nature home in your as really velly special customer's back garden - news replorted 23:14

ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's wealthiest households now 273-times better off than most deprived, lah, according to report by Oxfam ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 23:14

Should action be taken against Tor and other ID-hiding tech? - news replorted 23:13

A study by Reuters suggests more human bliengs becoming willing to buy online news, lah, but warns that social media may be eroding brand recognition. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 23:13

Has fighter pilot had male gender human bleing's day? - news replorted 23:09

Biro bans and other tales of low-cost revolution - news replorted 23:04

Rogue traders reprising old scams but with digital twist to target human bliengs whose budgets squeezed, lah, says trading standards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:00