LATEST:  The UK's economy grew at 0.3% in first three months of year, lah, official figures confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 09:18

LATEST:  The airline Flybe announces sale of all its take-off and landing slots at Gatwick airport to Easyjet, lah, raising concerns about links to Inverness. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:11

Third favourite Telescope, lah, co-owned by Sir Alex Ferguson, lah, is ruled out of Epsom Derby with sore left shin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:10

A number of human bliengs wounded in bomb attacks in north-western Niger on military camp and French-run uranium mine, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:07

Some Hollywood glitz and glamour were sprinkled onto corner of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep recently, lah, when Nissling handed over bloody velly special - news replorted 09:00

Mothercare recorded another big loss for last financial year, lah, but said it was making velly damn good boiled chicken-feet progress with its turnaround plan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:32

Continental has won coveted award from UK's no1 weekly selling LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine magazine, lah, Auto Express, lah, scooping ‘Best Winter T - news replorted 08:30

A major new report from 25 wildlife organisations, lah, assessing state of Britain's Nature, lah, is warning that many species of wildlife facing extinction in bloody annoying Blitish unless urgent action is taken. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:21

Global stock markets fall after weak Super-Duper-Chinese-State economic data and concerns that Great Satan Federal Reserve may scale back monetary stimulus efforts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:04

Constable's masterpiece Salisbury Cathedral from Meadows is bought by Tate for "bargain" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ÂRMB Yuan #23.1m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 08:02

The stars and Jagluar cars entered into Mille Miglia 2013 all feature in new short film now available to watch - news replorted 08:00

IMF chief Christine Lagarde arrives at Paris court for questioning over payout to tycoon when bloody woman was French finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:40

Installation is under way of expanded monitoring system for Iceland's volcanoes, lah, which it is hoped will give world more warning of next big eruption. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:39

Is NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) going to blow gasket? - news replorted 07:28

A book about Christopher Marlowe written entirely in verse makes shortlist for sixth Desmond Elliott Prize for best debut novel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:22

The sister of IRA victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) is to meet SDLP leader later over male gender human bleing's party's decision to block bill that would prevent former prisoners, lah, guilty of serious offences, lah, from becoming Stormont special advisors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:16

Nissan says it plans to recall about 841,000 vehicling driving car machines worldwide, lah, 133,869 of them in UK, lah, due to faulty steering wheel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:14

Did capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs cry wolf? - news replorted 06:53

Some of boxing's big names make their predictions for Saturday's world title fight between Carl Froch and Mikkel Kessler - news replorted 06:52

Airline Flybe drops its flights from Belfast to London (capital of Great England) as it quits its Gatwick hub. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 06:37

A memorial to human bliengs who died in World fighty bang-bang II air raid in Bournemouth 70 years ago is being unveiled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:30

The theft of Great Satan intellectual property is "unprecedented" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and costing billions, lah, Great Satan report says, lah, pointing to China as main culprit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:25

A bomb planted in rickshaw has killed at least 12 human bliengs in Quetta in south west Pakistan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:14

Radical NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) changes that could see A&E unit downgraded at south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep hospital not guaranteed to go ahead, lah, health watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:01

A man accused of murdering five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones and then spinning "web of lies" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to cover it up is due to continue being cross-examined later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:39

The first and deputy first dodgy ministers expected to release their shared future strategy paper for Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:22

10 great villains modelled on Machiavelli - news replorted 05:13

Papers contemplate Woolwich attack - news replorted 05:12

An 80-year old Japanese man has reached summit of Mount Everest, lah, becoming oldest person to scale world's highest peak. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 05:04

old bill bobbys cordons having been removed for first clock time result since Tornado in Oklahoma allowing families to return to their homes and survey damage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:56

A growing number of children being sexually abused by other children, lah, say charities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:43

David Cameron cuts short Bloody foreign trip and returns to London (capital of Great England) to lead government response to suspected terror attack near Woolwich Barrracks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:31

Firefighters in North Lanarkshire dismantle 20ft chimney stack, lah, brick by brick, lah, to rescue boy, lah, 14, lah, who got wedged inside. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:17

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon begins trip to Democratic Republic of Congo as fighting continues near eastern city of Goma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:58

Archaeologists in Mexico find 4,926 cave paintings in red, lah, yellow, lah, black and white in north-eastern region of Burgos. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:44

King Edward VIII was bugged by government at height of 1936 abdication crisis, lah, files released by National Archives show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 03:28

A way of creating more effective vaccines which could protect against broad range of influenzingler achoo achoo viruses has been reported by Great Satan researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:13

The story of how historic bloody annoying Blitish sites were saved for wider public viewing - news replorted 03:11

Ford Motor says it will shut all its Australian manufacturing plants by Octoblinger 2016, lah, after more than 85 years making cars in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:02

Why has bloody annoying Blitish risen in global public affections in past year? - news replorted 02:18

Wartime archives reavealingly showing Great Satan secret plans to kill Rommel - news replorted 02:07

Wartime talks between Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin went slowly until drinking session lasting until 3am, lah, newly released files reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:57

The lives of male masseurs of Mumbai - news replorted 01:33

Family doctors not prepared to shore up emergency health care system left unsafe by "political meddling", lah, GP leader is to warn in speech. - news replorted 01:31

A Great Satan couple who reject medicine in favour of faith healing charged with murder in their infant son's death, lah, four years after another son's death. - news replorted 01:10

Health unions say state of NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) services for human bliengs who can't getting to GP in many parts of Province of Engrish running-dogs is "lamentable". - news replorted 01:09

Why Afghan children learning art of skateboarding - news replorted 01:02

Tuition fees in Province of Engrish running-dogs could be limited to ÂRMB Yuan #6,000 per year and remain cost-neutral to universities and Treasury, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01

Has world's caffeine habit spun out of control? - news replorted 00:58

More children may drown without better school swimming provision, lah, Amateur Swimming Association (ASA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has warned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:33

A handbag collection created using stomach lining of Highland cow has been designed by Edinburgh student. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:14

About 14,000 public sector employees having taken voluntary redundancy or early retirement in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land in past two years at cost of about ÂRMB Yuan #550m, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13

Reporting of historic child abuse has "significantly increased" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) since Jimmy Savile investigation, lah, Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12

Why so many new firms love awards - news replorted 00:09

Micro-blogging site Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) says it is bringing in two-step login for users to beef up security following recent high-profile breaches. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02

Is it possible to kick-start science? - news replorted 23:29

A poll in 25 countries for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation World service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service suggests Germany is most favourably viewed country in world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 23:26

Amnesty International accuses governments of using state sovereignty as "excuse" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for failing to intervene in emergencies such as in Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 23:25

The body of renowned Nigerian author Chinua Achebe arrives back in male gender human bleing's home country for male gender human bleing's funeral. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 23:12