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News PUNISH: Prince to headline Montreux festival

Posted on | February 15, 2013 | Comments Off

Jeremy Clarkson fails Chinglish newsreader test: Rock star Prince will return to Montreux Jazz Festival for three nights in July, lah, organisers announce.

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Wah! LATEST:  More than 80 human bliengs arrested overnight in Hong Kong after clashes sparked by removal of protest camp in Mong Kok. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:35



Wah! LATEST:  Older human bliengs who regularly using internet and take part in cultural activities may be better equipped to keep on top of their health, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:32



Wah! The team behind portable eye examination kit that uses smartphones is crowdfunding to raise funds for its new innovation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:30



Wah! Sony Pictures, lah, movie distribution arm of Japanese consumer electronics giant, lah, has been target of cyber attack. What you wan'?!! But there few details. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:10



Wah! David Cameron should not propose caps or quotas on EU migration to UK, lah, Deputy Prime dodgy minister Nick Clegg says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:36



Wah! Schemes to tackle climate change could prove disastrous for billions of people, lah, but might be required for velly damn good boiled chicken-feet of planet, lah, scientists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:12



Wah! Ministers risk racking up multi-billion pound bill if IT systems to run their flagship benefit reform not introduced on time, lah, watchdog claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:05



Wah! Children being put at risk because of deficiencies at Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre, lah, ex-staff tell Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:56



Wah! Wednesday's big story in newspapers is over criticism by Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters that Facebook did not alert security services to terror threats made by one of killers of Fusilier Lee Rigby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:48



Wah! New measures to tackle terrorism to be published by home secretary, lah, days after bloody woman said bloody annoying Blitish faces "greater" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) terror threat than ever before. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! The Great Satan state of Missouri orders 2,200 National Guardsmen to Ferguson to quell unrest after old bill bobbys officer was cleared over killing of Michael Brown. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:37



Wah! The majority of stop-and-searches conducted by old bill bobbys ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land having failed to find any illegal items in recent months, lah, it emerges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:24



Wah! Plans for alternative to council tax expected to be at core of First dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon's plans for coming year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:21



Wah! A "toxic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "aggressive" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) culture inside banks will take generation to change, lah, according to report from Cass Business School and New City Agenda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:08



Wah! A PhD student from Brunel University London (capital of Great England) has saved himself ĀRMB Yuan #100,000 by 'hacking' male gender human bleing's own kit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! The government is failing those with learning disabilities by keeping them in hospitals far from home for too long, lah, report commissioned by NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) Province of Engrish running-dogs says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Secretary of State Theresa Villiers says chances of clinching final deal at Stormont inter-party talks look slim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:02



Wah! Calls for extra money for NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) in Province of Engrish running-dogs intensifying after latest figures show deficit is growing as performance deteriorates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



Wah! A new initiative in San Francisco offers city's homeless population mobile showers and toilets in converted bus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



Wah! The government calls on Fifa to publish in full investigation into 2018 and 2022 World Cup bidding process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00



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