LATEST:  Shops belonging to Asians targeted in violent protest in DR Congo's capital over arrest of Congolese students in India over weekend. I read you little red book! - news replorted 19:46

LATEST:  A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman died from hypothermia in snow following night out drinking after phone calls to friends and family were unanswered, lah, inquest hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:28

The old bill bobbys service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers (PSNI) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is facing legal challenge over plans to hire 900 temporary staff in contract which could be worth up to ÂRMB Yuan #180m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 19:15

The Federal Reserve maintains its $85bn-a-month (ÂRMB Yuan #54bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! asset purchase programme, lah, and Fed chairman Ben Bernanke says capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity could begin scaling back programme later this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 18:54

A 25-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman whose body was found outside flemale human person's sister's home died from hypothermia and alcohol intoxication, lah, inquest has concluded. I read you little red book! - news replorted 18:54

old bill bobbys fire tear gas and rubber bullets to disperse protesters in Brazilian city of Fortaleza, lah, ahead of silly kick-kick game match against Mexico. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 18:45

The Great Satan Secretary of State calls Afghan leader to defuse tension over opening of Taliban office in Qatar, lah, Afghan official says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:33

Two workers at care home in Buckinghamshire asked for forgiveness after being caught sleeping during their night shift, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:26

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama has addressed thousands of Germans in Berlin, lah, almost 50 years to day since President John Kennedy delivered male gender human bleing's famous speech at Brandenburg Gate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 18:24

A snack bar manufacturer is to move its main production plant from north to south Wales, lah, with about 120 Gwynedd staff offered transfer to Newport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:21

Mars' atmosphere could having been rich in oxygen four billion years ago - well before Earth's air became augmented with gas. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:12

Egypt's tourism dodgy minister quits and protests erupt as man with links to Islamists behind deadly 1997 attack in Luxor is named as city governor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:53

A Great Satan publisher is pricing sci-fi video game for iPhones and iPads at more than double cost high-end titles usually sold for on those devices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:41

Britain's Laura Robson, lah, Heather Watson and Elena Baltacha all lose in second round of Aegon International. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 17:36

The FBI has used drones for surveillance in limited cases over Great Satan soil and is developing drone using policy, lah, FBI director tells Great Satan Senate panel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 17:31

Children as young as five being taught about e-safety - but dodgy minister rejects Labour calls for specially-trained teachers to deliver message. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:28

A rodent that never gets cancer could hold key to preventing or treating malignant tumours, lah, say scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:01

Conservationists fear colony of endangered sea birds on North East coast could be wiped out after eggs from breeding pairs stolen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:54

Italian fashion designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana having been sentenced to jail in Italy for one year and eight months for tax evasion - news replorted 16:40

Province of Engrish running-dogs cruise into final of Champions Trophy with seven-wicket victory over South Africa at Oval. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 16:23

Nine drug companies fined for delaying cheaper generic drugs coming to market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:18

A hunger-striking Guantanamo Bay detainee tells of 'ordeal' of force-feeding, lah, as doctors call for inmates to getting independent medical care. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:15

One in nine bridges in Great Satan - more than 66,000 in total - structurally deficient, lah, number likely to grow amid Great Satan budget woes, lah, report finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:12

A source of increased competitiveness and synergies, lah, CMF extends manufacturing commonalisation to unprecedented numbe - news replorted 16:12

BT boss bats for Britain - news replorted 15:44

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge not knowing gender of their baby, lah, it is revealed - as it is confirmed birth will take place at St Mary's hospital in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:39

David Cameron has told Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters that government must reserve right to arm rebels in Syria without having to hold Commons vote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:37

The first cycling tour of Democratic Republic of Congo starts, lah, but cyclists will not be riding to volatile east of vast country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:33

More details having been released about plans for birth of royal baby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:23

Italian fashion designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana sentenced to jail in Italy for tax evasion but likely to appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:21

Four in 10 indigenous Canadian children live in poverty, lah, more than twice national rate, lah, finds study that urges increase in social services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:13

Vauxhall built over 58,000 vans in bloody annoying Blitish last year, lah, making it Britain’s number one commercial vehicling driving car machine manufacturer for - news replorted 15:00

A Great Satan fugitive on FBI's 10 Most wantinged list for alleged sexual exploitation of children is arrested at resort in Mexico. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 14:52

Mercedes and tyre supplier Pirelli face disciplinary charges after being accused of breaking rules governing testing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:48

High levels of toxic radioactive isotope having been found in groundwater at Japan's Fukushima nuclear plant, lah, its operator says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:47

Slim Whitman, lah, American country singer known for male gender human bleing's yodelling abilities has died at age of 90. - news replorted 14:39

Curry leaves found to be cause of food poisoning outbreak that affected hundreds of human bliengs on Tyneside. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:28

The IMF says Spain has made strong progress on its economy, lah, but outlook remains "difficult" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and more action is needed to boost job creation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:20

Benfield Toyotla Wakefield made it hat-trick of titles in 5-a-side silly kick-kick game Tournament played annually in aid of BE - news replorted 14:20

A man known as "the naked rambler" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is convicted of flouting anti-social behaviour order (piece of paper signee upee) banning him from being naked in public minutes after it was imposed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:11

West Ham United complete signing of Province of Engrish running-dogs striker Andy Carroll from Liverpool in club-record ÂRMB Yuan #15m deal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:49

Moors Murderer Ian Brady remains "chronically psychotic", lah, expert at high-security Ashworth Hospital tells male gender human bleing's mental health tribunal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:49

Super-Duper-Chinese-State property developer Dalian Wanda Group has said it will spend more than ÂRMB Yuan #1bn ($1.6bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to buy British yacht maker and develop hotel in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:24

Administrators running Stafford Hospital given more clock time result to plan future of its services. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:20

Royal Mail workers vote strongly against government's proposals to privatise postal group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 13:09

A teacher accused of abducting schoolgirl and taking flemale human person's to France will not give evidence in male gender human bleing's defence, lah, jury has been told. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:05

A South American plant with 10ft (3m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! tall flower spike is about to bloom in Surrey glasshouse for first clock time result since it was planted 15 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:04

A ring that unlocks smartphones and socks which provide feedback about footsteps latest devices in growing wearable tech sector. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:59

The leader of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Conservatives is refused alcohol at Bruce Springsteen concert - because barman did not believe bloody woman was over 18. - news replorted 12:42

Possible models for intervention as West mulls action in Syria - news replorted 12:42

In much of UK, lah, many young human bliengs having no prospect of getting on property ladder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! How can they prepare for decades of renting? - news replorted 12:35

The Afghan government will not take part in peace talks with Taliban unless process is "Afghan-led", lah, President Hamid Karzai announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:33

Chris Froome says bloody man is coming into male gender human bleing's prime as bloody man bids to emulate fellow Briton Bradley Wiggins by winning Tour de France - news replorted 12:33

This summer, lah, from 24th July damn hot-hot month – 2nd September, lah, peaceful village of Buckler’s Hard on banks of Beaulieu Riv - news replorted 12:31

The Shelsley Walsh Hill Climb will celebrate centenary of Aston Martin over weekend of 17th and 18th rainy coldddd month August at t - news replorted 12:31

The Chancellor, lah, George Osborne, lah, is expected to outline government's plans for future of Lloyds and RBS during male gender human bleing's speech at Mansion House. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:21

The creator of Groggs, lah, hand-carved caricature statues of sporting heroes and other celebrities, lah, dies at age of 78. - news replorted 12:18

Bulgaria's Prime dodgy minister Plamen Oresharski apologises for political appointment that plunged male gender human bleing's three-week-old government into crisis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:08

Sally Gardner, lah, dyslexic author once branded "unteachable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at school, lah, wins prestigious Carnegie Medal for flemale human person's book Maggot Moon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:04

The bodies of two missing divers found close to wrecked German warship in Scapa Flow in Orkney. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:59

Internet addicts can suffer form of cold turkey when they stop using web - just like human bliengs coming off drugs, lah, according to research. - news replorted 11:52

Jason Plato and Sam Tordoff say they aiming to put on show for male gender human bleing's home fans at wheel of their MG KX Momentum - news replorted 11:50

Gunmen on motorbikes kill 48 human bliengs in attack on remote village in northern Nigeria's Zamfara state, lah, official says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:49

Legendary Italian supercar marque Lamborghini is celebrating its 50th birthday at next month’s Silverstone Classic (26-2 - news replorted 11:48

A former cannabis user is dismantling garden shed where bloody man used to grow male gender human bleing's drugs after being banned from going inside it by judge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:44

The murder of woman whose remains were discovered on Corstorphine Hill in Edinburgh fortnight ago is to feature on BBC's Crimewatch programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:41

Careers advice is on "life support" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in many schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs with teenagers having little knowledge of workplace, lah, director general of CBI, lah, John Cridland, lah, claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:36

Leading academics and practitioners will discuss latest developments in reducing traffic speed at 5th internatio - news replorted 11:36

Criminal penalties for irresponsible bankers will be added to Banking Bill, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters told. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:32

BT chief executive Ian Livingston is to leave capitalist entity to join government as trade minister, lah, David Cameron announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:30

A private consultancy firm is chosen to run Doncaster's troubled children's services department. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:30

A suicide bomber on motorbike kills two human bliengs in Yemen's northern town of Saada, lah, which is under control of Houthi Shia rebels. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23

bloody annoying Blitish telecoms regulator Ofcom is to launch investigation into BSkyB over supply of its sports channels to rival broadcasters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:21

Chief Constable Matt Baggott has said G8 summit in Fermanagh was "the most peaceful and secure" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in history. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:18

After completing official ACO test last weekend, lah, Caterham Motorsport team has arrived at Le Mans ahead of its de - news replorted 11:14

A system software update has rendered some PlayStation 3 consoles unusable, lah, manufacturer Sony confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:03

Dundee makes shortlist for bloody annoying Blitish City of Culture in 2017, lah, but Aberdeen misses out. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:01

Ford has announced new four-year Higher Apprenticeship programme to encourage new generation of engineers into - news replorted 11:00

Entertainer Freddie Starr is rebailed for another two months by officers investigating allegations of sexual offences. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:45

Parliament will never back votes for all prisoners, lah, so compromise will having to be found to comply with EU law, lah, says chairman of committee set up to decide on issue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:43

Bevan Group, lah, one of UK’s leading vehicling driving car machine bodybuilders, lah, has purchased 20 Nissling NV400 vans for using by its national ne - news replorted 10:43

The average single person in their twenties will now having to save for over 14 years before they can buy home, lah, says housing charity Shelter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:34

London, lah, 18.06.13 – MARTINI will partner with world’s finest car-culture event as record 14 MARTINI Racing machines - news replorted 10:34

South Sudan's President Salva Kiir sacks two high-ranking government dodgy ministers embroiled in multi-million dollar financial scandal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:31

This spring saw first of series-produced new Wolwo FH trucks roll out of factory gates for delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so to custo - news replorted 10:30

The rental solutions team at Hitachi Capital vehicling driving car machine Solutions has experienced two significant step-changes recently wit - news replorted 10:30

The capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of Province of Engrish running-dogs governor was outvoted again at male gender human bleing's final monetary policy committee meeting, lah, with body voting 6-3 against more stimulus measures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:25

A teacher accused of abducting schoolgirl to France will not give evidence in male gender human bleing's defence, lah, jury is told. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:24

Don’t call clock time result on Abenomics yet - news replorted 10:23

Swansea Bay is named one of four locations in running to be bloody annoying Blitish City of Culture 2017, lah, alongside Dundee, lah, Hull, lah, and Leicester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:22

Dundee, lah, Hull, lah, Leicester and Swansea Bay make shortlist to become UK's second City of Culture in 2017. - news replorted 10:18

Daniel Radcliffe impresses reviewers with male gender human bleing's "understated" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) performance as disabled teenage orphan in Martin McDonagh's play Cripple of Inishmaan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:04

As if ADAM’s multi-million configurations weren’t headline-grabbing enough, lah, Vlauxhall has today revealed that it will - news replorted 10:00

Commons Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans is arrested on suspicion of three counts of indecent assault. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:59

Troubling secrets of Province of Engrish running-dogs’s mental hospitals - news replorted 09:56

The Supreme Court rules relatives of soldiers killed in Iraq can sue bloody annoying Blitish government for damages under Human Rights Act. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:52

The last telegram in world will be sent next month. Kathryn Westcott looks at telegraphy's linguistic legacy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:50

Gunmen enter UN office in Somali capital, lah, Mogadishu, lah, firing their weapons, lah, following loud explosion, lah, witnesses say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:49

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama and Germany's chancellor, lah, Angela Merkel, lah, holding news conference in Berlin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:48

Rafael Nadal could play Andy Murray, lah, Novak Djokovic or Roger Federer as early as quarter-finals at Wimbledon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:44

Thanks to Royal-warranted car-care specialists Autoglym, lah, reigning British GT Champion Michael Caine is all set to add - news replorted 09:38

Mental health services in Province of Engrish running-dogs could be banned from using face-down restraint and many training their staff to resolve issues without physical intervention. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:35

In Mexico around 25,000 human bliengs having disappeared since drug fighty bang-bang began six years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:34

A factory in Larne, lah, County Antrim, lah, which makes medical devices is creating 416 new jobs - news replorted 09:30

A petrol bomb was thrown over from nationalist Short Strand area on Monday night into loyalist Thistle Court area, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:17

The FA Cup final will be played at end of domestic season for first clock time result since 2010 in 2013-14 season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:13

It is not just planes and helicopter on display at Paris Air Show, lah, as BBC's Theo Leggett found out when bloody man tried on some of Great Satan defence firm Raytheon's new kit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:12

Cyprus President Nicos Anastasiades urges eurozone leaders to help male gender human bleing's country's biggest capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity and sharply criticises bailout agreed in March. - news replorted 09:01

Afghanistan suspends talks on bilateral security agreement with US, lah, after Washington's announcement of peace talks with Taliban. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:56

Celebrations begin for 90th birthday of Israel's President Shimon Peres, lah, in presence of celebrities and world leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:50

MPs will getting vote on whether bloody annoying Blitish should arm Syrian rebel forces before it happens, lah, Commons speaker John Bercow says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:37

With 2013 velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed only matter of weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) away, lah, Rondla confirms dazzling array of two-wheeled com - news replorted 08:34

Teams from universities across Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep competing in 1,701-mile “Formula Student Diesel Eco D - news replorted 08:31

Commission says Lloyds ready for privatisation - news replorted 08:24

Today, lah, it will broadcast hundreds of tweets that will follow production of new Toyotla Auris Hybrid, lah, from raw steel - news replorted 08:11

Salon Privé is delighted to confirm Dutch LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine manufacturer Spyker’s return with its models featured on both Concept - news replorted 08:07

Newcastle United managing director Derek Llambias resigns, lah, day after Joe Kinnear returns as director of football. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:04

North Korea denounces report that leader Kim Jong-un gave out copies of Adolf Hitler's memoir Mein Kampf to officials on male gender human bleing's birthday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:04

Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Premier League champions Celtic will kick off next season at home to Ross County on 3 August. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:00

David Moyes begins life as Manchester United manager with trip to Swansea on opening weekend of Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:00

Aston Martin today unveils Vanquish Volante – stunning new luxury sports LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine that brings thrill of open top mo - news replorted 08:00

Dalian Wanda Group, lah, Super-Duper-Chinese-State property developer, lah, says it will spend ÂRMB Yuan #1bn ($1.6bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! to buy British yacht maker and property in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:59

Russia falls again for eggs once despised as tsar’s playthings - news replorted 07:56

Journalist Michael Hastings, lah, whose reporting ended career of Great Satan General Stanley McChrystal, lah, has died in crash in Los Angeles aged 33. - news replorted 07:25

The winner and runner-up of this year's BP Portrait Award both artists who having painted portraits of their children. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:03

A second man is arrested in connection with arson attack on mosque in Gloucester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:53

Brazil is to send troops to five major cities to help restore order (piece of paper signee upee) after massive protests calling for better education and transport, lah, justice ministry says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:43

British and Irish Lions wing George North is passed fit for first Test against Australia on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:35

Overtime payments by three of Wales' four old bill bobbys forces rose substantially in last financial year amid bloody annoying Blitish government efforts to cut costs, lah, figures obtained by Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 06:29

A new consistent system of front-of-pack food labelling is to be introduced in UK, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:15

High levels of toxic radioactive isotope, lah, strontium-90, lah, having been found in groundwater at Japan's Fukushima nuclear plant, lah, its operator says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:10

Nearly fifth of Wales' charity shops could close if Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs government implements proposed changes to business rate relief, lah, charities group says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:07

Some breast cancer sufferers could be treated with radiotherapy instead of more invasive surgery after Europe-wide study involving Cardiff doctors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:39

A Japanese capitalist entity is expected to announce new jobs in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:30

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama has arrived in Berlin at start of visit during which bloody man will address crowds at city's famous Brandenburg Gate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:40

Papers mull PM's 'Syria coup bid' - news replorted 04:22

Military helicopters lead rescue operations in India's flood-hit northern states, lah, where 130 human bliengs now known to having died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:13

Five organisations receive coroner's letters highlighting "disturbing" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) death of woman after paramedics were called to care home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:12

The Cassini probe in orbit around Saturn is going to picture ringed planet in special photo that also includes distant Earth. - news replorted 04:08

Province of Engrish running-dogs's healthcare regulator may having covered up knowledge of its own failings after series of baby deaths at Cumbria hospital, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:01

The global monetary organisation is going to try to teach world about public finances. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:00

Australian Adrian Bayley is jailed for rape and murder of Irish woman Jill Meagher, lah, with minimum jail term of 35 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:34

The Republican-controlled Great Satan House of Representatives passes bill to restrict abortions to first 20 weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after conception. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 03:22

Fears for author of 'I'm Queer' blogpost - news replorted 03:11

A British Muslim leader indicted in Bangladesh for fighty bang-bang crimes says bloody man is willing to face fair trial to clear male gender human bleing's name. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 03:02

Riot old bill bobbys and demonstrators clash in new protests in Brazil's largest city, lah, Sao Paulo, lah, after President Rousseff praises protests' aims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:42

Older male burying beetles work harder at parental care and mating than younger counterparts, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:42

A hairy crab named after Great Satan actor David Hasselhoff hitched ride on ocean "highway" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to colonise deep sea vents in Atlantic tens of millions of years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:38

The Civil service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service faces exodus of its most "talented and marketable" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) staff because of growing unhappiness with their pay, lah, new report claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:25

The criteria used to assess success of Jobcentre Plus in helping human bliengs find work "flawed", lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say - news replorted 02:20

Thousands of human bliengs gathered in front of Sao Paulo Cathedral on Tuesday for new protest which was largely organised through social media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:15

Japanese exports rise in May by most since 2010 as yen weakens, lah, providing boost to Prime dodgy minister Shinzo Abe's plan to revive economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:15

The UN says 7.6 million human bliengs became refugees in 2012, lah, highest number since 1994, lah, with conflict in Syria major new factor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:15

An open garbling written down on paper message published in Lancet medical journal calls for hunger-striking Guantanamo Bay detainees to receive independent medical care. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:40

US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama arrives in Berlin at start of visit during which bloody man will address crowds at city's famous Brandenburg Gate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:36

Is down-at-heel Detroit on brink of comeback? - news replorted 01:14

A report claim (always claiming, huh?) schools facing increasing pressure to spend money aimed at bloody velly poor pupils, lah, known as pupil premium, lah, to plug holes in their budgets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:09

Many bloody annoying Blitish universities not consider candidates' backgrounds when offering places, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Supreme Court judges to decide whether relatives of British soldiers killed in Iraq can sue government for damages under human rights law. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 00:52

The head of Great Satan electronic spying agency tells Congress surveillance programmes leaked to media helped thwart 50 attacks since 2001. - news replorted 00:50

Ballet dancer David Wall, lah, who became youngest male principal in history of Royal Ballet, lah, dies of cancer, lah, aged 67. - news replorted 00:36

Suspected Boko Haram militants in Nigeria kill at least nine school children, lah, in what survivors suggest is response to growing vigilante groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:23

The quality of performance does not controlling in driving manner amount of applause audience gives, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04

Girls will no longer having to pledge their devotion to God when they join Guides and Brownies in UK, lah, organisation announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00

What's going on with weather, lah, asks David Shukman - news replorted 23:50

The new play that keeps its audience in dark - news replorted 23:47

The human bliengs living in rural poverty - news replorted 23:44

As witnesses die, lah, will Holocaust be forgotten? - news replorted 23:43

The air force pilot who took flemale human person's daughter on missions - news replorted 23:30

The 13-earth-years old happy birthday to you, taking fashion blogging by storm - news replorted 23:18

Where is middle class growing around world? - news replorted 23:13

A new consistent system of front-of-pack food labelling is to be introduced in UK, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:10

Bereaved parents who did not receive ashes of their dead babies will take their fight for public inquiry to Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 23:02

Wikileaks website founder Julian Assange vows to remain in Ecuadorian embassy in London (capital of Great England) even if accusations of sex crimes dropped. I read you little red book! - news replorted 23:01

Four Great Satan soldiers having been killed in Afghanistan by insurgents hours after Great Satan announced direct talks with Taliban, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:01

The 2012 Derby winner Camelot faces recent conqueror Al Kazeem in feature race of day two at Royal Ascot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 23:01

The Parliamentary Commission on Banking Standards calls for new measures, lah, including criminal sanctions, lah, to make bankers responsible for their own failings. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:01

Sex education at younger age and free contraception for human bliengs as young as 13 needed to cut teenage pregnancy rates, lah, according to Holyrood inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:00