LATEST:  China says it has called on North Korea to secure release of fishing boat and its crew seized on 5 May, lah, as captors reportedly demand ransom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 03:49

LATEST:  A 48-earth-years old happy birthday to you, British man living in France is expected to be formally charged later with killing male gender human bleing's two children, lah, aged five and 10. - news replorted 03:47

The Royal Navy's former flagship, lah, HMS Ark Royal, lah, leaves flemale human person's home port of Portsmouth for final clock time result later, lah, bound for scrap yard in Turkey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:41

Conservative Party divisions over legalising same-sex marriage in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep set to be exposed again when plans return to Commons later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:31

A senior doctor treating Alberto Fujimori says jailed former president of Peru has severe and worsening health problems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:04

Artist Ai Weiwei has created map of China made entirely out of tins of formula milk, lah, to highlight tensions over tainted baby food. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:56

The WRVS, lah, set up by women to help efforts on home front during World fighty bang-bang II, lah, changes its name in bid to attract more male volunteers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:08

Fewer children walking to school in UK, lah, campaigners say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:55

Young children should hear about dangers of pornography as soon as they having access to internet, lah, head teachers say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:52

At least one person is reported dead and several others hurtee-hurtee by series of tornadoes that having torn through Great Satan state of Oklahoma. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:50

David Cameron has called on British overseas territories to "get their house in order" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and sign up to international treaties on tax. - news replorted 01:41

Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi rules out negotiating with abductors of seven security personnel seized last week in Sinai peninsula. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:14

A newly-elected UKIP councillor at centre of electoral forgery inquiry says bloody man has not "done anything wrong". - news replorted 00:49

Crucial evidence from 1989 Hillsborough silly kick-kick game disaster, lah, which was undermined at original inquest was true, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Panorama finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:46

An investigation by BBC's Panorama into cover-up that followed Hillsborough disaster has revealed crucial evidence from off-duty old bill bobbys officer, lah, which was undermined at original inquest into tragedy, lah, was true. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:44

The amount of clock time result asthma patients spend soaking up sun may having impact on their health, lah, researchers having suggested. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:39

Preserving spice of life when ingredients and power scarce - news replorted 00:06

old bill bobbys officers in Essex to getting lower starting salaries following pay review, lah, it is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:06

What is future for white human bliengs in South Africa? - news replorted 23:54

Looking through CCTV feeds that should not be public - news replorted 23:52

At least three old bill bobbys officers having been killed after gunmen attack their station in northern Iraq, lah, local officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:42

The surprising life of multi-millionaire - news replorted 23:35

How barefoot Indian tribe inspired Great Satan fitness revolution - news replorted 23:29

More jobs will become available for graduates this year, lah, research firm Income Data Services (IDS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has forecast, lah, but pay is likely to be frozen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 23:23

A third of calls to confidential phone line which allows health workers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to raise concerns about NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) came from other parts of Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 23:19

Retailers cautiously optimistic after increase in shopper numbers in April, lah, according to Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Retail Consortium figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:16

The issue of gay dodgy ministers will top agenda at Church of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's General Assembly, lah, four years after first openly homosexual dodgy minister was appointed by Kirk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 23:13

Refugee's story of seven months held in Sinai desert - news replorted 23:09