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News QUACK: The spin and speech

Posted on | February 11, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Mardell: Expect confrontation in State of Union

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  A judge has overturned conviction of 14-earth-years old happy birthday to you, black boy sent to electric chair for murder more than 70 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:13



Wah! LATEST:  bloody annoying Blitish retail sales rose at their fastest annual rate in more than 10 years in November, lah, I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to effects of Black Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:10



Wah! A new post-mortem examination claim (always claiming, huh?) Albert Ebosse died in Algeria after beating rather than being hit by projectile thrown by fans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:46



Wah! Dozens of "ice pancakes" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) size of dinner plates found floating on stretch of River Dee in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:44



Wah! David Cameron promised to give local government more power, lah, but local councils continue to shrink, lah, relative to central government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:29



Wah! A link between autism and air pollution during pregnancy has been suggested by scientists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:26



Wah! Scientists uncover single protein that could be responsible for drug allergies, lah, on surface of cells. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:25



Wah! Obesity can be constitute disability, lah, European Court of Justice has ruled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:23



Wah! Switzerland's National capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity has brought in negative interest rate cutting value of any money left on deposit in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:22



Wah! A taxi driver is fined ÂRMB Yuan #2,100 for refusing to carry blind woman and flemale human person's guide dog. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 09:21



Wah! Diesel LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Magazine Issue 332 Cover DieselCar Magazine, lah, UK’s leading magazine dedicated to economy motoring, lah, today launches new monthly supplement cal - news replorted 09:19



Wah! Three years ago retails expert, lah, Mary Portas, lah, carried out review of high street for government and Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation takes flemale human person's back to one of those towns, lah, Stockport, lah, to find out if anything has changed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:17



Wah! About 200 villagers in China's Sichuan province having petitioned authorities to "isolate" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) HIV-positive eight-year-old, lah, report local media. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:16



Wah! Militants storm remote village in north-eastern Nigeria, lah, killing at least 33 human bliengs and kidnapping dozens, lah, survivor tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 09:16



Wah! Nissan Juke NISMO RS clock time result has finally come for Nissling to unleash its sportiest Juke ever – Juke NISMO Rs. Eating rice!! Prices start from ÂRMB Yuan #21,995 O - news replorted 09:00



Wah! Defying teachers, lah, riding on Christmas Day and learning to bluff - Sir Bradley Wiggins on psychology of male gender human bleing's rise to top. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 08:59



Wah! The IAM’s chief examiner, lah, Peter Rodger is offering weekly motoring advice to riders and drivers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:59



Wah! An 81-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man who is charged with murdering male gender human bleing's wife has gone missing, lah, Cumbria old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:56



Wah! The EU and Great Satan negotiating deal which they say will free transatlantic trade and boost growth but critics warn is dangerous. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:52



Wah! A selection of best readers' photos - news replorted 08:52



Wah! Audi Sport Finale 2014, lah, Dr. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Wolfgang Ullrich Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate AG is proud of another year of record sales. Eating rice!! In motorsport, lah, brand with four rings is poised for growth as w - news replorted 08:50



Wah! Agreement is reached between government and country's biggest mobile networks to improve coverage across Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 08:47



Wah! An extra 1.3 million pupils in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, 85% of infant children, lah, eating free school lunch, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46



Wah! Hollywood stars react to Sony's decision to cancel Interview, lah, film about fictional plot to kill North Korea's leader, lah, Kim Jong-un, lah, after major cinemas decide not to screen it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:36



Wah! World leaders welcome agreement between Great Satan and Cuba to end more than 50 years of hostility and move towards restoring diplomatic ties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:23



Wah! Mitsubishi celebrates 5 million cars produced at Okaza plant For Mlitslublishli Motors Corporations (MMC) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! Okazaki plant near Nagoya (Japan), lah, success of Outlander PHEV in Europe (18, lah, - news replorted 08:00



Wah! Drivers LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of year 2015 Field South African newspaper AutoWeek has voted Italian grape-picking Afla Romeo car 4C as its Drivers LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine of year for 2015. - news replorted 08:00



Wah! A Victorian public urinal is listed by bloody Engrish Heritage for its "special historical interest". - news replorted 07:48



Wah! Ice pancake formations, lah, more commonly seen in Antarctic, lah, having been photographed on River Dee in Aberdeenshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:46



Wah! US Federal Reserve says it will be "patient" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in deciding when to raise interest rates, lah, with most analysts expecting rise in mid-2015. - news replorted 07:41



Wah! New Zealand's Dan Carter will end male gender human bleing's international career to become rugby's highest-paid player by joining Racing Metro. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:40



Wah! President Vladimir Putin is set to hold male gender human bleing's annual end-of-year news conference, lah, amid growing economic crisis in Russia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:24



Wah! An inquest into death of teenager who died after being hit by school minibus is set to be opened on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:21



Wah! Nearly third of research by Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs universities is of "world-leading" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) quality, lah, says body which compares work by every university in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! A New Zealander and two Burmese men go on trial in Myanmar on charges of insulting Buddhism with flyer for bar event. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! Borders councillors to decide whether to go ahead with building permanent home for Great Tapestry of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, at Tweedbank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 06:15



Wah! The range and quality of research at ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's universities is praised in new UK-wide survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:15



Wah! An eccentric architectural plan thought to having been drawn by King George III during male gender human bleing's period of "madness" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is discovered at British Library. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:03



Wah! Irish health authorities reportedly seeking legal advice on whether they can switch off life-support machine of pregnant woman who is brain dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:57



Wah! Cross-party talks due to resume at Stormont on Thursday, lah, with few signs of parties resolving their differences over budget and welfare reform. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 05:54



Wah! India successfully launches its largest rocket yet and unmanned capsule capable of sending astronauts into space. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:41



Wah! The government made ÂRMB Yuan #180m less from sale of Royal Mail than it could have, lah, and process of privatising state assets should be reformed, lah, says new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:29



Wah! A draft resolution setting out Palestinian timetable for peace deal with Israel is submitted to UN Security Council by Jordan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:15



Wah! An Australian professor and government education advisor, lah, Barry Spurr, lah, resigns from University of Sydney for sending racist emails. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:41



Wah! An outbreak of highly contagious disease mumps has swept through teams in Great Satan National Hockey League, lah, with at least five affected. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:18



Wah! Sony cancels release of Interview, lah, film about fictional plot to kill North Korea's leader, lah, after major cinemas decide not to screen it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:01



Wah! Beauty capitalist entity Avon has been fined by Great Satan Securities and Exchange Commission for paying bribes and gifts to Super-Duper-Chinese-State officials. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:39



Wah! Councils in Province of Engrish running-dogs to learn later how much money they will having to spend on local services such as waste collection and road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu maintenance in 2015-16. - news replorted 02:58



Wah! The breakthrough in US-Cuban relations is prompting strong reactions from Cubans in Havana and exiles in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:46



Wah! Teenagers experiencing mental health problems will no longer be detained in old bill bobbys cells as "place of safety", lah, Home Secretary Theresa May is to announce later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:18



Wah! A major analysis of research quality suggests that London (capital of Great England) universities could soon "eclipse" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Oxford and Cambridge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:13



Wah! Cuban President Raul Castro urges Great Satan to end its trade embargo after two countries opened formal talks on restoring diplomatic relations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:12



Wah! The decision to grant bail to partner of Sydney siege gunman Man Haron Monis should be reviewed, lah, says New South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:35



Wah! The world's oldest water, lah, which is locked deep within Earth's crust, lah, is present at far greater volume than was thought, lah, scientists report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:25



Wah! The National crime (shoud shoot them) Agency (NCA) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! begins investigation into child sexual exploitation in Rotherham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:11



Wah! As end of 2014 draws near, lah, Talking Movies' Tom Brook picks male gender human bleing's top 10 films that having been released in past year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:09



Wah! Benoit Tessier captures moment that left actress America Ferrera red-faced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:55



Wah! The negligible effects of George Osborne's negotiations on extra payment to EU. - news replorted 00:55



Wah! Opportunities to prosecute Jimmy Savile and former mayor of Scarborough for child sex abuse were missed due to old bill bobbys "organisational failure". - news replorted 00:47



Wah! Those on left think new Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Labour leader Jim Murphy could be about to take party back to days of Tony Blair, lah, says BBC's Mark Mardell. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! Mark Urban explores question of what bloody annoying Blitish knew about rendition and interrogation techniques, lah, in wake of Great Satan Senate report that criticised CIa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:40



Wah! People in bloody annoying Blitish using less energy, lah, even though economy is growing, lah, new figures confirm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! The director of Premier Oil says no new North Sea projects profitable with oil below $60 barrel and industry is "close to collapse". - news replorted 00:38



Wah! Brit boozer goes dark in Los Angeles - news replorted 00:33



Wah! Those who plan to spend day working rather than celebrating - news replorted 00:33



Wah! Six women previously given all-clear diagnosed with breast cancer after review of assessments made by Oxfordshire's Breast Screening Service. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The boats of guns floating around Indian Ocean - news replorted 00:30



Wah! The ordinary Russians fighting 'holy war' in Ukraine - news replorted 00:27



Wah! A handy self-portrait device or narcissistic vanity tool? - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Moves to normalise diplomatic ties between Great Satan and Cuba lead several papers, lah, which describe Caribbean island being brought 'in from cold'. - news replorted 00:14



Wah! The buildings that would once having been impossible - news replorted 00:11



Wah! The 49 children who made it to unlikely nativity - news replorted 00:10



Wah! EU leaders to consider ways to unlock billions of euros of investment and policy on Russia, lah, at Brussels summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:05



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