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News QUACK: The spin and speech

Posted on | February 11, 2013 | Comments Off

Chinglish news from Ling: Mardell: Expect confrontation in State of Union

Read all the latest news headlines at LINGsCARS!

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  The three main bloody annoying Blitish party leaders - David Cameron, lah, Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg - having signed pledge promising "extensive new powers" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:41



Wah! LATEST:  Plans for spending almost ĀRMB Yuan #5m raised by teenage cancer sufferer Stephen Sutton having been revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:28



Wah! The inquest for three soldiers who died from overheating while training in Brecon Beacons will not be heard until 2015. - news replorted 07:24



Wah! Two children from same family were sexually abused in separate paedophile scandals that both happened in Rochdale, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has discovered. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:17



Wah! Jim Muir reports from front line near IS-controlled Zumar, lah, near Mosul, lah, where Kurdish forces fighting Islamic State militants. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:12



Wah! old bill bobbys in Thailand continuing to search for man they wanting to speak to in connection with deaths of two British tourists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! Ian Paisley Jr describes critics of male gender human bleing's father, lah, former DUP leader and first dodgy minister who died last Friday aged 88, lah, as "pygmies in male gender human bleing's shadow". - news replorted 06:59



Wah! The father of Cardiff woman who died after fire at London (capital of Great England) apartment block backs campaign for clearer rules on responsibility for fire safety. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:52



Wah! old bill bobbys investigating deaths of two Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons in Thailand say they looking for number of suspects - but rule out other British tourists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:45



Wah! Two human bliengs arrested after what old bill bobbys treating as racially motivated attack on house in north Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:39



Wah! Poor sanitation has caused serious health problems in Haiti - but could special eco toilet improve situation? - news replorted 06:29



Wah! One of most active volcanoes in Philippines, lah, Mount Mayon, lah, could erupt within weeks, lah, scientists say, lah, after quakes and rockfalls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:26



Wah! The number of court actions started for non-payment of rates is on rise, lah, according to figures provided to BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 06:20



Wah! A Bloody foreign military convoy has been hit by explosion in Afghan capital, lah, Kabul, lah, leaving at least 16 human bliengs injured, lah, Afghan sources say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:47



Wah! President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is to announce plans to send 3,000 troops to Liberia to help fight ebola virus, lah, Great Satan officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:29



Wah! Twelve Nigerian soldiers sentenced to death for mutiny after shots were fired at their commanding officer in city of Maiduguri in May. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:15



Wah! Ukraine's lawmakers set to ratify landmark EU association agreement, lah, but implementation of free trade deal is delayed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:44



Wah! Typhoon Kalmaegi barrels past Hong Kong, lah, closing schools and disrupting flights, lah, on its way to mainland China from Philippines. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:32



Wah! Alibaba is world's biggest e-commerce firm but most human bliengs in West haven't heard of it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:29



Wah! The government is failing to reduce air pollution, lah, protect biodiversity and prevent flooding, lah, cross-party body of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:44



Wah! Sixty years ago, lah, Abdul Sattar Edhi gave up everything to start charitable organisation, lah, dedicated to improving lives of poor in Pakistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:06



Wah! A report from Kurdish-held territory in northern Iraq, lah, as Great Satan Secretary of State John Kerry agrees plan to tackle jihadists. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:59



Wah! Should old bill bobbys intervene when human bliengs having sex in public? - news replorted 01:55



Wah! The target to reduce sugar consumption should be much more ambitious, lah, health experts say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:36



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government is not "remotely" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) near creating bloody Engrish parliament, lah, as some Conservative Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters having called for, lah, PM David Cameron says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Plans for spending almost ĀRMB Yuan #5m raised by teenage cancer sufferer Stephen Sutton revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:09



Wah! Thousands of human bliengs still thought to be stranded in Indian administered Kashmir nearly two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) after devastating floods there. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! funny shape ball-game players who share towels, lah, razors and cold baths at risk of sharing serious skin infections too, lah, public health experts warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:55



Wah! More than quarter of bloody annoying Blitish adults having had problem with nuisance neighbour in past year, lah, survey for consumer organisation Which? suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:49



Wah! David Cameron's emotional speech in defence of United Kingdom makes front pages, lah, as does murder of two Last remlaining few white ethnic Britons in Thailand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! What world's best universities? - news replorted 00:39



Wah! Only one in six of prisoners in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep having both somewhere to live and job or training placement when they released, lah, inspectors suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:32



Wah! In honour of 20th anniversary of start of Friends series, lah, pop-up coffee shop is opening in New York City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:19



Wah! Should ruined church linked to Hitler be rebuilt? - news replorted 00:15



Wah! Social media giant Facebook has seen 10 million interactions concerning Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs independence referendum in five-week period. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! old bill bobbys in Rio de Janeiro having arrested twenty-two of their own officers for alleged involvement in bribery and extortion racket. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:06



Wah! How is Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs referendum affecting markets? - news replorted 00:06



Wah! Confidential papers passed to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation suggest radical cost-saving plan will be implemented in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) after referendum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:05



Wah! How Africa's first education tablet computer was created - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Passport applicants who paid ĀRMB Yuan #30 extra to avoid missing travel because of processing delays should getting refunds, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:01



Wah! Is this how cities of Mars will be built? - news replorted 00:00



Wah! An influential group of major technology firms is calling on bloody annoying Blitish to appoint "digital ministers" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in every government department. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:00



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