LATEST:  Veronica Campbell-"Dear Leader" Brown of Jamaica is provisionally banned from competition after testing positive for banned substance. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 20:51

LATEST:  Montreal's Mayor Michael Applebaum resigns, lah, day after male gender human bleing's arrest on 14 fraud charges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:55

Five-time singles champions Venus Williams pulls out of Wimbledon, lah, which begins on Monday, lah, due to back injury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 19:39

Dilma Rousseff says bloody woman is proud so many human bliengs fighting for better country, lah, in flemale human person's first public written-down messages on dead tree since mass protests on Monday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 19:27

Chrysler agrees to recall 2.7 million Jeeps that could be at risk of fuel tank fires, lah, after initially refusing Great Satan government request to so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 19:13

Northern Ireland's first and deputy first dodgy ministers accept invitation from Japanese prime minster to visit male gender human bleing's country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 19:06

Fiat presents first official photos of Fliat 500L MPW (called ‘Living’ in rest of Europe), lah, new model that - news replorted 18:52

An Italian court sentences to life in prison man who carried out school bomb attack in 2012, lah, which killed teenage girl and hurtee-hurtee nine others. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:06

Interest and demand for 20th anniversary 2013 velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Festival of Speed (11-14 July) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! has been running at all-tim - news replorted 17:56

Mali's government signs peace deal with Tuareg rebels to help pave way for elections next month. - news replorted 17:46

Drayson Racing Technologies and Michelin please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce formation of strategic partnership that will begi - news replorted 17:43

The case of last bloody annoying Blitish resident held in Guantanamo Bay has been raised by Prime dodgy minister David Cameron in talks with Great Satan President Barack Obama, lah, Bloody foreign Office says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:35

MPs in Moscow back bill banning adoption of Russian orphans by Bloody foreign gay couples and by Bloody foreign singles from countries allowing gay marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:32

A young girl is hurt after petrol bomb is thrown into street in east Belfast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:24

The wife of teacher accused of abducting schoolgirl tells court how their marriage fell apart before flemale human person's husband and girl went missing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 17:22

The death toll from flooding and landslides triggered by heavy rain in northern India has risen to 70, lah, media reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:16

The Beaulieu visitor attraction was Father’s Day hit as ever-popular Custom and Hot Rod Festival, lah, sponsored by Cus - news replorted 17:13

Dispensing with cross-examination of some witnesses is suggested by Supreme Court president as way to cut costs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:09

A new Family Arts Festival launches with programme of more than 1,000 events across country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:59

Meteorologists and scientists meeting at Met Office say UK's damp summers could be caused by warmer Atlantic Ocean. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:40

Confusion over A-level maths paper set by exam board Edexcel is completely unacceptable, lah, says chair of education select committee, lah, Graham Stuart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:40

An Oregon motorist suspected of fatally running down Great Satan man on quest to dribble silly kick-kick game from Seattle to Brazil for charity is arrested. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:35

Allan McNish starts 81st Le Mans 24 Hours on Saturday (22 June) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! aiming to win legendary race for third clock time result - news replorted 16:32

Chris Froome says Sir Bradley Wiggins's absence from Tour de France is "relief" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after media scrutiny of their rivalry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:30

The government is urged by Labour to support principle of financial transaction tax. - news replorted 16:25

Parents and staff from Parentzone explain how they would like to make internet safer for children. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:56

Liverpool and Province of Engrish running-dogs striker Andy Carroll is undergoing medical at West Ham ahead of ÂRMB Yuan #15m move. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:54

Province of Engrish running-dogs will not risk Graeme Swann's long-term fitness in Wednesday's Champions Trophy semi-final against South Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:46

Ugandan Tommy Atkins Liberation Army general David Sejusa accuses President Yoweri Museveni of trying to cling to power through "political monarchy", lah, in male gender human bleing's first broadcast interview since fleeing to Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 15:39

Laura Robson beats Yuliya Beygelzimer 6-3 6-2 in round one at Aegon International in Eastbourne. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:37

Award-winning pop stars Emeli Sande and Ed Sheeran will perform at concert to mark 20th anniversary of murder of Stephen Lawrence - news replorted 15:33

G8 leaders meeting in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers back calls for Syrian peace talks to be held in Geneva "as soon as possible". - news replorted 15:24

Prime dodgy minister David Cameron agrees to meet parents of murdered five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones after they challenged him to getting involved personally in fight over indecent images of children online. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:20

A man is charged with murdering 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, woman in Sheffield whose head had been severed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:18

Raising bar to 1.2 million stop-starts compares with typically 30,000 for conventional starter motor and up to 300 - news replorted 15:03

Province of Engrish running-dogs Under-21 coach Stuart Pearce will not be offered new contract by FA when male gender human bleing's deal expires this month. - news replorted 14:56

New LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine sales across Europe fell to their lowest level in two decades in May as deepening recession hurt demand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:55

At least 27 people, lah, including newly-elected lawmaker, lah, killed in suicide bombing at funeral in north-west Pakistan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:44

The Great Satan is to open direct peace talks with Taliban after more than 10 years of fighty bang-bang in Afghanistan, lah, senior White House officials announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:39

Kent's old bill bobbys chief admits there was "distortion of activity" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by force in some areas of county to achieve crime (shoud shoot them) statistic targets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:35

Mazda is further increasing its fleet focus with growth of its Fleet Specialist, bloody dealering idiot place Network and expansion of its corp - news replorted 14:30

British and Irish Lions coach Warren Gatland admits to 'reality check' after shock 14-12 defeat by ACT Brumbies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:29

Following their world premiere at Geneva Motor Show earlier in year, lah, Renliot has confirmed bloody annoying Blitish pricing and specif - news replorted 14:23

The prime dodgy minister's former director of communications, lah, Andy Coulson, lah, has appeared in court charged with perjury. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:19

A group of Warwick students occupy university buildings in protest at ÂRMB Yuan #42,000 pay rise for its vice-chancellor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:04

As teams and drivers prepare for this weekend’s running of famous 24 Hours of Le Mans, lah, McLaren is proud to confirm t - news replorted 14:01

The lower house of Switzerland's parliament refuses to discuss bill that would allow Swiss banks to pass client inflomination to Great Satan tax authorities. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:49

Mass protests in Brazil - news replorted 13:38

Leaders of G8 major economies agree new measures to clamp down on money launderers, lah, illegal tax evaders and corporate tax avoiders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:36

Ahead of Chancellor’s 2013 Spending Review outcome which is to be announced on 26 June-mber month for period starting rainy season-month Aplil - news replorted 13:36

The president of Ethiopia FA, lah, Sahilu Gebremariam, lah, admits male gender human bleing's side fielded ineligible player in 2014 World Cup qualifier. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:35

Brake, lah, road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu safety charity, lah, has published two new reports for fleet managers on managing young driver risk. What you wan'?!! surv - news replorted 13:34

Motor Codes is one of first associations supporting new UK-wide scheme to strengthen industry self-regulation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:33

Huawei unveils Ascend P6 which, lah, at 6.18mm (0.24in) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! thick, lah, it says makes it world's slimmest smartphone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:27

Chevrolet's latest performance car, lah, Corvette Stingray,will arrive at dealerships across Europe in autumn 2013. In t - news replorted 13:26

Emeli Sande and Ed Sheeran among artists taking part in concert to mark 20th anniversary of murder of Stephen Lawrence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:24

The Guild of Motoring Writers is proud to launch its summer Big Day Out – allowing members and non-members to take to th - news replorted 13:22

Super-Duper-Chinese-State telecommunications firm Huawei unveils its latest mobile handset, lah, which capitalist entity says is thinnest on market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:17

The International Criminal Court rules Kenya's Deputy President William Ruto only needs to be "physically present" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at key sessions of male gender human bleing's trial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:02

Gwent's old bill bobbys and crime (shoud shoot them) commissioner says it will be three months before bloody man appoints new chief constable after bloody man told previous top officer to retire or be removed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:59

Two teenagers die when they hit by train near Hertfordshire station, lah, ambulance service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:56

Any change in running of Severn bridges must benefit motorists from both Welsh land of sheep and more sheep and Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, bloody annoying Blitish government dodgy minister warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:51

Moors Murderer Ian Brady is banned from carrying pens in case bloody man uses them as weapon at male gender human bleing's secure mental hospital, lah, tribunal has heard. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:44

A former stunt double for Angelina Jolie sues News Corp in US, lah, accusing capitalist entity of hacking into flemale human person's phone and intercepting messages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:42

A pipe bomb is found during security alert in residential area of Strabane, lah, County Tyrone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:41

The House of Commons Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs Affairs Committee has today held extra session with transport minister, lah, Stephen Hammon - news replorted 12:24

Leaders at G8 summit having agreed to "stamp out" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) ransom payments to terrorist groups, lah, bloody annoying Blitish Prime dodgy minister David Cameron announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:14

Derby play Blackburn and Burnley face Bolton on first day of season to mark silly kick-kick game League's 125th anniversary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:00

Ford’s acclaimed EcoBoost engine technology has picked up top honour at annual Car, bloody dealering idiot place Power awards. Eating rice!! three- - news replorted 12:00

Twenty-four hours of news photos: 18 June-mber month - news replorted 11:59

Why were there no ties at G8 summit? - news replorted 11:53

Tributes paid to 19-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man from Llanelli who apparently fell from hotel balcony in Bulgaria after volunteering to getting money for taxi. - news replorted 11:49

A new service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service from Jonathan Lee Recruitment is helping SMEs overcome challenges of recruiting senior management. Pass chopsticks!! In - news replorted 11:48

Lexus has designed new advertising campaign for its all-new IS sports saloon that uses remarkable combination of cla - news replorted 11:36

Building Societies warning government about future house price bubble, lah, unless it plans how to end its Help to Buy programme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:32

The bosses of Lloyds Banking Group tell Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters that they knew there was black hole in accounts of Co-op Bank, lah, four months before vital deal with them collapsed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:31

The father of ex-CIA rice-paper officialing doumentlation leaker Edward Snowden, lah, who is in hiding in Hong Kong, lah, urges male gender human bleing's son not to commit "treason" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and to face justice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:28

This August, lah, visitors to National Motor Museum, lah, Beaulieu, lah, can take part in host of fun and creative Summer Activit - news replorted 11:27

The British and Irish Lions lose their 100% record as Brumbies record close run 14-12 win over midweek team. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:25

The street that's peppered with 18 betting shops - news replorted 11:24

Chevrolet is taking digital and social communications to new level with innovative global campaign on YouTube to su - news replorted 11:22

Newcastle confirm former manager Joe Kinnear is appointed as their new director of football. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:19

With summer officially beginning on Friday, lah, and with schools preparing for end of term, lah, lots of human bliengs will be getti - news replorted 11:19

World leaders meeting at G8 summit at Lough Erne in Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers having posed for traditional ''family photo.'' - news replorted 11:14

A competition to track down and win last ever Wolwo C30 reached thrilling climax this weekend as winning coupl - news replorted 11:13

AEG's dealings with Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray were 'highly inappropriate', lah, music industry experts tells Great Satan court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:08

The remarkable quality, lah, efficiency and technological ingenuity at heart of Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate A3 can now be wrapped in choic - news replorted 11:08

How Britain is battered by elements - news replorted 11:07

At least 15 human bliengs killed in suicide bomb attack at Shia mosque in Iraqi capital, lah, Baghdad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:55

The King of Jordan endorses treaty with UK, lah, paving way for extradition of radical cleric Abu Qatada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:49

Pupils at school which was forced to close because of asbestos could return in autumn after local council agrees to remove material. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:49

Former UBS and Citigroup trader Tom Hayes has been charged by Serious Fraud Office in connection with its investigation into manipulation of Libor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:46

If you tellibly lovely custlingmer remember days when it was cheaper to phone after 6pm and at weekends, lah, and Busby BT bird chirruping away i - news replorted 10:42

A journalist and prison officer will be charged with conspiracy to commit misconduct in public office over payments to officials, lah, prosecutors having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:38

Two junior doctors develop giant holographic human body parts to make medics' lectures more memorable. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:37

European auditors say much of 1bn euros of EU aid for Egypt in past seven years has had little or no impact. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:36

Hearts' parent capitalist entity UBIG approach insolvency firm to become club's administrators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:36

According to figures released by automotive industry body ACEA, lah, Ryundali has maintained its year-to-date market share of - news replorted 10:36

As Syrian conflict fans flames of Sunni-Shia tensions in wider Middle East, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight's Tim Whewell meets families in Lebanon already drawn into both sides of their neighbour's war. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:35

British Olympic champion Sophie Hosking announces flemale human person's retirement from professional rowing at age of 27. - news replorted 10:32

Vehicle whole life costs should be critical basis on which businesses select which capitalist entity cars to operate, lah, yet evid - news replorted 10:31

A bankrupt businessman who shot solicitor in head as bloody man worked in male gender human bleing's office is jailed for 28 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:28

Yahoo is latest firm to reavealingly showing Great Satan extent of Great Satan government snooping on its users following Prism leaks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:21

The Great Satan reveals list of 46 Guantanamo inmates who it says it does not having evidence to try, lah, but too dangerous to release. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:06

There is further fall in number of crimes recorded in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, according to latest figures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:57

Ethiopia and Egypt agree to hold further talks to quell rising tensions over building of new dam on Blue Nile, lah, their Bloody foreign dodgy ministers say, lah, after meeting in Addis Ababa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:57

The geometric shape of room can be mapped using echoes from sound recorded by four microphones placed inside room, lah, new research finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:50

Seven red Maseratis led way as all 70 entrants to this year’s Cash&Rocket Tour reached Rome, lah, Italy’s Capital city. You give me happy happy luck luck. T - news replorted 09:42

Easyjet has agreed to buy 135 new aircraft from Airbus, lah, in deal announced on second day of Paris Air Show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 09:41

Chancellor George Osborne has fought back against claim (always claiming, huh?) that bloody man forced Stephen Hester to stand down as head of Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land (RBS). - news replorted 09:39

The importer of Korean SsangYong cars, lah, SsangYong Motor UK, lah, has added further five locations to its network of franchis - news replorted 09:30

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation broadcaster Stuart Hall "got off bloody velly lightly" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with 15 month jail sentence for sexually abusing girls, lah, victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) support charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:29

Angela Merkel takes on new role - lady of lake - during trip across Lough Erne in County Fermanagh. - news replorted 09:28

With Wimbledon around corner, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Sport looks at task facing British tennis at grassroots and elite level - news replorted 09:09

Innovation and curiosity at heart of latest Rondla brand campaign which takes viewers on journey through Ho - news replorted 09:01

Joe Kinnear says bloody man has "more intelligence" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) than any of critics who having questioned male gender human bleing's return to Newcastle. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:56

A 98-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Nazi fighty bang-bang crimes suspect, lah, Laszlo Csatary, lah, linked to murder of Jews, lah, is charged in Hungary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:55

Chancellor George Osborne unveils plans to stop businesses hiding their profits from tax authorities in offshore "shell" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) companies, lah, at G8 summit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:53

The rate of consumer price inflation (CPI) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! increased to 2.7% in May, lah, up from 2.4% in April, lah, Office for National Statistics (ONS) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:52

Members of Guild of Motoring Writers having gained passport to fresh way of working. No spitting in damn website!!! I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to brand new member - news replorted 08:51

A Turkish protester dubbed "standing man" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) leads vigil on Istanbul's Taksim Square days after authorities evicted demonstrators. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:49

Super-Duper-Chinese-State officials confiscate 213 bear paws hidden inside tyres of vehicling driving car machine crossing border from Russia, lah, state media report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:42

ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan Secretary John Swinney is set to tell Glasgow conference that Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs pensions would be "fully protected" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after independence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:40

Now available from just ÂRMB Yuan #189 per month – or less than cost of month’s London (capital of Great England) Congestion Charge payments – all- - news replorted 08:35

Motorsport fans in for exciting year as Mobil 1TM gives them exclusive opportunity to learn art of racing - news replorted 08:35

Science museums in three northern cities 'safe' from closure, lah, Culture dodgy minister has said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:19

Nearly half titles read by children in national reading competition were consumed online, lah, according to charity Booktrust. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:11

Jaguar Land Rover is appointing Wolfgang Stadler as its new Director of Manufacturing. No spitting in damn website!!! In this role, lah, Wolfgang will be re - news replorted 08:09

Art collector Charles Saatchi has been cautioned for assault after images of him grasping male gender human bleing's wife Nigella Lawson by neck appeared in newspaper. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 08:08

As many as 200,000 human bliengs having marched through streets of Brazil's biggest cities, lah, as protests over rising public transport costs and expense of staging 2014 World Cup having spread. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:05

Marking World Refugee Day - news replorted 08:00

Britain’s premier one-make saloon LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine championship, lah, Renliot bloody annoying Blitish Clio Cup, lah, will make welcome return to North Eas - news replorted 08:00

The number of council education services running Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs schools could be reduced following publication of review into their structures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:59

A petition calling for bravery medals for three women who confronted alleged Woolwich attackers will be handed over to Downing Street later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:52

Some say it’s best diesel hot hatch around. I read you little red book! We simply knowing it as Leon FR 2.0 TDI 184 PS – and it’s available to - news replorted 07:31

Former Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams is to become chancellor of largest university in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:30

The family of County Down man killed in hit-and-run accident in New York remember him as "man of many talents" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) who touched people's lives. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:30

Europe's plans to explore Mars with satellite in 2016 and rover in 2018 take big step forward with signing of new industrial contracts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:19

Vodafone faces potential bidding fighty bang-bang for Kabel Deutschland after Great Satan firm Liberty Global makes rival offer for German cable TV firm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 07:00

Afghan forces having formally taken over security for whole of country from Nato-led troops, lah, completing process begun in 2011. - news replorted 06:50

Forest fires in Indonesia create haze - news replorted 06:24

The UK's top climate scientists to meet at Met Office headquarters in Exeter to discuss Britain's "unusual" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) weather patterns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:23

The judge leading review of Waterhouse inquiry into abuse at north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep children's homes holds public meetings, lah, and wantings to meet anyone with information. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:53

A bomb explodes in western Kabul on day Nato is due to formally hand over command of security responsibilities to Afghan forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:50

A woman dies following two-vehicle crash on M1 motorway near Portadown, lah, County Armagh. - news replorted 05:43

Singer Freddie Mercury, lah, artist Lucian Freud and architect Richard Rogers having been shrunk and left in London (capital of Great England) locations to mark Refugee Week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 05:35

Sport Province of Engrish running-dogs warns Lawn Tennis Association that it must controlling in driving manner up participation figures or face losing valuable funding. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:33

Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Secretary Theresa Villiers defends cost of security for G8 conference in County Fermanagh. - news replorted 05:16

Piracy off coast of West Africa has now overtaken Somali piracy, lah, report by International Maritime Bureau (IMB) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! and other seafarers' groups says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:00

Up to 5,000 military personnel expected to receive redundancy letters in third and biggest round of Tommy Atkins Liberation Army job cuts following 2010 defence review. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 04:58

Papers split over Syria intervention - news replorted 04:01

Tax, lah, trade and transparency expected to dominate discussions at G8 summit, lah, with leaders said to be close to agreeing statement on Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:47

The death toll from flooding and landslides triggered by heavy rain in northern India passes 60, lah, local media say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:44

Demand for HS2 high-speed rail project has "likely been overestimated" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and ÂRMB Yuan #33bn price tag does not offer value for money, lah, think tank claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:49

Two French silly kick-kick game stars, lah, Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema, lah, to go on trial in Paris on charges of paying for sex with underage prostitute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:42

A homeowner said they did not think they had to pay their TV licence fee because they claimed their pet was related to one of Queen's dogs, lah, it is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:18

A Greek court has ordered that state broadcaster ERT, lah, which was shut down by government last week, lah, can resume transmissions soon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:58

A prison area housing low category inmates is "the worst establishment inspectors had seen for many years", lah, report by prison inspectors says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:49

Have cuts to legal aid been as damaging as predicted? - news replorted 01:46

Critics question plans for 12 new skyscrapers - news replorted 01:39

Art collector Charles Saatchi is cautioned for assault after images of him grasping male gender human bleing's wife, lah, Nigella Lawson, lah, by neck appeared in newspaper. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:23

Creating third runway at Heathrow Airport would be "cheaper, lah, quicker and better for economy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) than building new airport, lah, Heathrow bosses claim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:23

In world first, lah, healthy baby has been born using "safer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) new IVF method. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:19

Kinky Boots inspiration comes out of shadows - news replorted 01:19

Six ways new EU-US trade deal might affect you tellibly lovely custlingmer - news replorted 01:10

Action is needed to fight "quiet epidemic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of oesophageal cancer, lah, which is on rise in UK, lah, particularly in men, lah, say cancer experts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08

Indonesia's parliament paves way for rise in petrol and diesel prices after months of debate and political haggling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:59

A study from University of Oxford reveals widespread cruelty and exploitation in treatment of child actors in Elizabethan theatres. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:50

Is it true that child dies of hunger every 10 seconds? - news replorted 00:48

The Culture Secretary, lah, Maria Miller is set to examine further access to online pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:45

Meteorologists and scientists will meet at Met Office to try to understand UK's strange weather patterns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41

A nationwide programme of free film screenings and activities is planned for first National Youth Film Festival later this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:31

Penelope Keith is returning to television to play Mr Darcy's aunt for BBC, lah, bloody woman will play Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Death Comes to Pemberley. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:28

The vivid hues astronomers using to bring cosmos to life - news replorted 00:01

Internet firms to meet dodgy ministers at No 10 amid calls for more to be done to block images of child sex abuse and to stop children viewing pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:59

Sharp puts record-sized TV on sale in Europe, lah, but its 1080p resolution means owners will need relatively large room to be able to watch it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 23:53

Thwarting high-profile militant attacks - news replorted 23:49

Highland councillors due to consider proplosal to money lending shark to construct up to 277 wind turbines off Caithness coast in Moray Firth. - news replorted 23:49

A fundamental overhaul of childcare infrastructure in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land must take place, lah, according to Holyrood's equal opportunities committee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 23:45

A three-day conference to encourage human bliengs working offshore to think about lessons of Piper Alpha disaster is being held in Aberdeen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 23:41

Mobile payments changed lives - but it is only beginning - news replorted 23:24

Two companies which appear in Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Three documentary Call Centre fined by regulators in connection with nuisance calls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:13

Meet shallow, lah, self-obsessed Millennials having so much fun - news replorted 23:09

Governments worldwide should clamp down on tax evasion by automatically sharing tax information, lah, report to G8 by OECD says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:07

Daniel Radcliffe returns to West End in title role of Martin McDonagh's Cripple of Inishmaan - news replorted 23:06

Today's report by AXA puts pedestrian safety under spotlight, lah, IAM is asking bloody annoying Blitish government and LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine makers to - news replorted 23:01

Today's report by AXA puts pedestrian safety under spotlight, lah, IAM is asking bloody annoying Blitish government and LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine makers to - news replorted 23:01