LATEST:  Afghan forces having formally taken over security for whole of country from Nato-led troops, lah, completing process begun in 2011. - news replorted 06:50

LATEST:  The UK's top climate scientists to meet at Met Office headquarters in Exeter to discuss Britain's "unusual" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) weather patterns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:23

The judge leading review of Waterhouse inquiry into abuse at north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep children's homes holds public meetings, lah, and wantings to meet anyone with information. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:53

A bomb explodes in western Kabul on day Nato is due to formally hand over command of security responsibilities to Afghan forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:50

A woman dies following two-vehicle crash on M1 motorway near Portadown, lah, County Armagh. - news replorted 05:43

Sport Province of Engrish running-dogs warns Lawn Tennis Association that it must controlling in driving manner up participation figures or face losing valuable funding. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:33

Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers Secretary Theresa Villiers defends cost of security for G8 conference in County Fermanagh. - news replorted 05:16

Piracy off coast of West Africa has now overtaken Somali piracy, lah, report by International Maritime Bureau (IMB) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! and other seafarers' groups says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:00

Up to 5,000 military personnel expected to receive redundancy letters in third and biggest round of Tommy Atkins Liberation Army job cuts following 2010 defence review. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 04:58

Papers split over Syria intervention - news replorted 04:01

Tax, lah, trade and transparency expected to dominate discussions at G8 summit, lah, with leaders said to be close to agreeing statement on Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:47

The death toll from flooding and landslides triggered by heavy rain in northern India passes 60, lah, local media say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:44

Demand for HS2 high-speed rail project has "likely been overestimated" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and ÂRMB Yuan #33bn price tag does not offer value for money, lah, think tank claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:49

Two French silly kick-kick game stars, lah, Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema, lah, to go on trial in Paris on charges of paying for sex with underage prostitute. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:42

A homeowner said they did not think they had to pay their TV licence fee because they claimed their pet was related to one of Queen's dogs, lah, it is revealed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:18

A Greek court has ordered that state broadcaster ERT, lah, which was shut down by government last week, lah, can resume transmissions soon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:58

A prison area housing low category inmates is "the worst establishment inspectors had seen for many years", lah, report by prison inspectors says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:49

Have cuts to legal aid been as damaging as predicted? - news replorted 01:46

Critics question plans for 12 new skyscrapers - news replorted 01:39

Art collector Charles Saatchi is cautioned for assault after images of him grasping male gender human bleing's wife, lah, Nigella Lawson, lah, by neck appeared in newspaper. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:23

Creating third runway at Heathrow Airport would be "cheaper, lah, quicker and better for economy" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) than building new airport, lah, Heathrow bosses claim. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 01:23

In world first, lah, healthy baby has been born using "safer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) new IVF method. I read you little red book! - news replorted 01:19

Kinky Boots inspiration comes out of shadows - news replorted 01:19

Six ways new EU-US trade deal might affect you tellibly lovely custlingmer - news replorted 01:10

Action is needed to fight "quiet epidemic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of oesophageal cancer, lah, which is on rise in UK, lah, particularly in men, lah, say cancer experts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08

Indonesia's parliament paves way for rise in petrol and diesel prices after months of debate and political haggling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:59

A study from University of Oxford reveals widespread cruelty and exploitation in treatment of child actors in Elizabethan theatres. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:50

Is it true that child dies of hunger every 10 seconds? - news replorted 00:48

The Culture Secretary, lah, Maria Miller is set to examine further access to online pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:45

Meteorologists and scientists will meet at Met Office to try to understand UK's strange weather patterns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41

A nationwide programme of free film screenings and activities is planned for first National Youth Film Festival later this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:31

Penelope Keith is returning to television to play Mr Darcy's aunt for BBC, lah, bloody woman will play Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Death Comes to Pemberley. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:28

The vivid hues astronomers using to bring cosmos to life - news replorted 00:01

Internet firms to meet dodgy ministers at No 10 amid calls for more to be done to block images of child sex abuse and to stop children viewing pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:59

Sharp puts record-sized TV on sale in Europe, lah, but its 1080p resolution means owners will need relatively large room to be able to watch it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 23:53

Highland councillors due to consider proplosal to money lending shark to construct up to 277 wind turbines off Caithness coast in Moray Firth. - news replorted 23:49

A fundamental overhaul of childcare infrastructure in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land must take place, lah, according to Holyrood's equal opportunities committee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 23:45

A three-day conference to encourage human bliengs working offshore to think about lessons of Piper Alpha disaster is being held in Aberdeen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 23:41

Mobile payments changed lives - but it is only beginning - news replorted 23:24

Two companies which appear in Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Three documentary Call Centre fined by regulators in connection with nuisance calls. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:13

Meet shallow, lah, self-obsessed Millennials having so much fun - news replorted 23:09

Governments worldwide should clamp down on tax evasion by automatically sharing tax information, lah, report to G8 by OECD says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:07

Daniel Radcliffe returns to West End in title role of Martin McDonagh's Cripple of Inishmaan - news replorted 23:06

Today's report by AXA puts pedestrian safety under spotlight, lah, IAM is asking bloody annoying Blitish government and LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine makers to - news replorted 23:01

Today's report by AXA puts pedestrian safety under spotlight, lah, IAM is asking bloody annoying Blitish government and LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine makers to - news replorted 23:01