LATEST:  RAF Typhoon jets launched to investigate incident involving civilian plane from Pakistan within bloody annoying Blitish airspace, lah, Ministry of Defence says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:21

LATEST:  US Secretary of State John Kerry says "hard decisions" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will be needed for peace after two days of talks with Israeli and Palestinian leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:46

A Blackburn Rovers footballer is charged with making homophobic gesture to Brighton fans at Championship match earlier this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:44

The Turkish parliament approves controversial legislation to restrict sale and advertising of alcohol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:43

Two Ballymena men having been given life sentences for murder of schoolboy seven years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:31

Postgraduate students at Central School for Speech and Drama in London (capital of Great England) asking human bliengs to live without Google for day as part of #AskMum campaign - news replorted 12:27

There has been explosion in central Kabul, lah, near hospital of Afghanistan's National Directorate of Security intelligence agency. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:20

The wife of soldier murdered in south-east London (capital of Great England) on Wednesday says bloody woman expected flemale human person's husband to be safe in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:15

A witness in trial of two men accused of murdering three human bliengs in house fire is called "bare-faced liar" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by defence Qc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:14

It is most prestigious award of its kind in bloody annoying Blitish motor industry, lah, and provides Steve with trophy and prize pot - news replorted 12:12

Ford is celebrating 21 years as official UEFA Champions League partner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:07

Four Brighton and Hove Albion footballers found not guilty of sexually assaulting teenage girl. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:04

An intimate love story between two young women receives rave reviews in Cannes days before winner of Palme d'Or is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:01

Runway closures cause delays for artists and Radio 1 and 1Xtra DJs flying to Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers festival site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:55

With tailwind of commanding victory at Brands Hatch, lah, Vorsprunging Audi Techiclate squad is travelling to third round of DTM se - news replorted 11:52

Social networking giant postpones launch of its "Facebook phone" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after negative feedback and disappointing sales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:46

Olympic long jump champion Greg Rutherford believes bloody man has potential to be one of fastest ever British sprinters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:42

Fan fiction authors will be able to publish and sell some titles in Great Satan via new e-book platform Kindle Worlds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:41

Taxpayers could be left with bill for as much as ÂRMB Yuan #62m pounds for restoring opencast mines in East Ayrshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:28

Twenty-four hours of news photoss: 24 May - news replorted 11:27

The 2013 Cholmondeley Pageant of Power (14 to 16 June; www.cpop.co.uk), lah, UK’s biggest celebration of power and speed, lah, - news replorted 11:23

The first of limited edition series of Alfa Giulietta cars, lah, built to celebrate launch of action movie Fast & F - news replorted 11:22

A mother of eight is jailed for four years for fraudulently claiming more than ÂRMB Yuan #350,000 in benefits and tax credits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:15

Residents urged to stay indoors as firefighters tackle large blaze at recycling plant on Flintshire business park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:10

The bloody annoying Blitish government's response to claim (always claiming, huh?) that British troops abused and unlawfully killed civilians in Iraq is inadequate, lah, High Court rules, lah, but it stops short of ordering public inquiry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:06

Rory Cellan-Jones on TV and tech learning to co-exist - news replorted 11:04

Footage has emerged from on board plane that had to return to Heathrow Airport to make emergency landing after black smoke was seen coming from engine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:03

The lawyer leading UN's inquiry into drones welcomes President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's speech as "significant step towards increased transparency". - news replorted 11:01

IMF chief Christine Lagarde is questioned by French prosecutors for second day over payout to tycoon when bloody woman was French finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan minister. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:01

Twin’Run drove its first laps today in front of spectators at Monaco Grand Prix weekend. I read you little red book! Monaco, lah, with its legendary - news replorted 11:00

Militant leader Mokhtar Belmokhtar masterminded two suicide bombs in Niger on Thursday which killed 20 people, lah, Mauritanian news agency reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:58

Volkswagen’s Polo range now offers Motability clustomlers even greater value for money, lah, I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to addition of new Ma - news replorted 10:53

London (capital of Great England) Motorexpo, lah, already UK’s largest free-to-attend motoring event*, lah, is set for record year in 2013 I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs to - news replorted 10:43

What radical Islamists actually believe in? - news replorted 10:34

Sinn Fein say they seeking "immediate explanation" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation after floor plan for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Question clock time result programme referred to John O'Dowd as 'Sinn Fein/IRA'. - news replorted 10:32

A public appeal for help to recover bloody velly first web page has unearthed relic from 1991. - news replorted 10:27

The Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders (SMMT) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! is please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce Lombard, lah, UK's largest provider of asset - news replorted 10:26

Two prison vans transporting defendants to Dale Cregan trial involved in collision in Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:23

Thruxton Circuit in Hampshire, lah, home of British Automobile Racing Club (BARC), lah, welcomes Protyre Formula Renliot C - news replorted 10:16

Sally Bercow says bloody woman is "surprised and disappointed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that High Court has ruled tweet by flemale human person's about Lord McAlpine to be libellous. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:13

British number one Laura Robson faces former world number one Caroline Wozniacki in French Open first round. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:11

'Porn made me as Super-Duper-Chinese-State superLING hero think sex was brutal' - news replorted 10:10

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is to close its Digital Media Initiative, lah, with director general Tony Hall saying it had "wasted huge amount of licence fee payers' money". - news replorted 10:05

Final preparations to install overhead and underground cabling being made for city centre section of Edinburgh tram line. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:05

The Stockholm fire brigade tackles fires at at least two schools on fifth night of rioting in Swedish capital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:55

London (capital of Great England) Mayor Boris Johnson adds male gender human bleing's voice to suggestions Communications Data Bill could be revived after murder of soldier in London (capital of Great England) street. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:51

The rainbow flag will fly from Cabinet Office during gay Pride week to show government's commitment to same sex marriage. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:51

Research into deaths on motorway hard shoulders suggests more than 800 human bliengs year having been killed or hurtee-hurtee in such incidents since 2000. - news replorted 09:49

Russia's most popular social network, lah, VKontakte, lah, is temporarily blacklisted by mistake - and some users find it blocked. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:48

Toronto Mayor Rob Floord sacks male gender human bleing's chief of staff Mark Towhey as bloody man fights claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man has been caught smoking crack cocaine on camera. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:38

The start of second Test between Province of Engrish running-dogs and New Zealand is delayed by persistent rain at Headingley. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:35

Damian Lewis and Sienna Miller among British stars nominated for annual Great Satan Critics' Choice Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:34

Two South Korean women forced into sexual slavery in WWII cancel meeting with Osaka Mayor Toru Hashimoto, lah, citing fears of "political exploitation". - news replorted 09:27

Russia says Syrian government has agreed "in principle" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to attend international peace conference set to be held in Geneva in June. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:22

The cross-examination of man accused of murdering five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, rainy season-month Aplil Jones and covering it up in "web of lies" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) continues into third day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:21

A mutant strain of cockroach that can outsmart sugar traps used to kill them has evolved, lah, scientists in Great Satan having found. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:20

I am please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d (please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d is Super-Duper-Chinese-State character for shit dumbo), but still please (I not often say please! So you do it, now!)d to announce that Camilla Scanes will join Wlokswaglon Press and Public Relations Department on Tuesday 2 - news replorted 09:19

Former Giro d'Italia winner Danilo Di Luca, lah, who is 26th in this year's race, lah, tests positive for EPo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:11

Eyewitness Steve Fryer told BBC, lah, "I saw right engine was on fire, lah, flames were coming outside of it". - news replorted 09:02

Germany's economy barely grew in first quarter of year, lah, figures show, lah, as private consumption helped offset shrinking exports and investment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:53

The Boy Scouts of America organisation has voted to welcome openly gay scouts from first number-one-month 2014, lah, but ban on openly gay adult scout leaders will remain in place. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:53

A 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, girl who died after suffering breathing difficulties in Warrington had ecstasy-like drug in flemale human person's system, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:32

Heathrow Airport's runways closed to enable plane to make emergency landing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 08:17

Stage 19 of Giro d'Italia, lah, to be held on Friday, lah, is cancelled because of heavy snow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:01

Chairman Vincent Tan is exploring option of selling Cardiff City shares on Kuala Lumpur Stock Exchange, lah, according to reports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:00

One of finest examples of Jagluar Series One E-Type comes to auction at Historics on June-mber month 1. Away from clamour - news replorted 08:00

Drummer Lee Rigby, lah, soldier killed by two assailants in south-east London (capital of Great England) on Wednesday, lah, will be remembered at service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service later. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 07:54

A strong earthquake strikes off Kamchatka peninsula in Russia's far east, lah, but initial tsunami warning issued by authorities is lifted. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:05

Citroën DS3 has been ranked ‘Best Supermini’ in 2013 What Car? JD Power survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. In its bloody velly first showing, lah, DS3 recei - news replorted 07:01

Manchester United has struck new loan deal to cut amount of interest it pays on its huge debts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:54

China has offered soldiers to new UN peacekeeping mission in Mali, lah, UN officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:53

The old bill bobbys service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service of Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers may having to pay out at least ÂRMB Yuan #50m to cover costs of policing and security at G8 summit in Fermanagh, lah, it has been claimed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:53

Officers in Londonderry admit Radio 1 event is their biggest old bill bobbys operation this year and they will "curb any anti-social behaviour". - news replorted 06:51

Some drugs taken to protect heart may increase risk of developing Type-2 diabetes, lah, according to researchers in Canada. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:44

Manchester City chief executive Ferran Soriano expects club to win five trophies in next five years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:44

In age when "extremely violent and sadistic imagery is two clicks away", lah, school sex education is struggling to keep pace, lah, study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:43

Lewis Hamilton talks about male gender human bleing's passion for Monaco, lah, helmet designs and male gender human bleing's love of motorbikes - news replorted 06:32

Three soldiers killed in ambush by suspected militants in Pulwama district of Indian-administered Kashmir, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:58

Plans to restore Grade II listed pier boosted by heritage lottery grant of nearly ÂRMB Yuan #600,000. - news replorted 05:49

More MMR jabs, lah, improved ambulance response times and end to hospital bed-blocking among priorities being set by health chiefs for NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:46

Woolwich victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) remembered in papers - news replorted 05:44

Artist Margaret Harrison, lah, 72, lah, wins ÂRMB Yuan #16,500 Northern Art Prize for recreation of perimeter fence from Greenham Common airbase at clock time result of women's peace camp in 1980s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:42

A group of state and catholic schools in Armagh hope to be one of 10 shared education campuses as proposed by first and deputy first ministers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:13

Preventing killing of Drummer Lee Rigby in Woolwich would having been "incredibly hard", lah, MI6's former head of counter-terrorism says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:04

An independent report highlights faults in way Rochdale Council dealt with child sex grooming. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 04:44

The remains of King Richard III, lah, discovered under city LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine park, lah, were buried in "hastily dug, lah, untidy grave", lah, researchers reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 04:33

The Church of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's General Assembly approves call to crown monarchs in both Province of Engrish running-dogs and ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, should ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land becomes independent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:08

Japanese Prime dodgy minister Shinzo Abe heads to Burma for economic talks - in first visit by Japanese PM since 1977. - news replorted 03:53

Part of road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu bridge has collapsed into Skagit River in Great Satan state of Washington sending vehicling driving car machines into water, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:17

A mother and daughter who died after falling ill on boat in Lake District were killed by generator fumes, lah, investigation finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:00

US forecasters predict unusually "active or extremely active" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Atlantic hurricane season of seven to 11 hurricanes, lah, up from average of six. - news replorted 01:57

Shares in Asia having recovered some of steep falls suffered on Thursday, lah, with Japan's Nikkei index rising 3%. - news replorted 01:26

The book group that can crush author's hopes or find bestseller - news replorted 01:24

In age when "extremely violent and sadistic imagery is two clicks away", lah, school sex education is struggling to keep pace, lah, suggests study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:53

Beer, lah, toilet paper, lah, rice - which is Venezuela short of? - news replorted 00:42

Muslim leaders take trip to Nazi concentration camps - news replorted 00:22

The search for continental unity, lah, 50 years on - news replorted 00:19

Cockroaches outsmarting our efforts to kill them by evolving to avoid taste of sugar traps, lah, study reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:18

The bloody Engrish phrases readers love to hear spoken by French - news replorted 00:08

Three famous Norfolk figures immortalised in steel to mark completion of ÂRMB Yuan #311,000 cycle scheme. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 23:54

Work out your as really velly special customer's dog's true age with this handy calculator - news replorted 23:52

The stories behind Rome's gleaming cobblestones - news replorted 23:43

A marathon meeting of video game enthusiasts is being staged in Glasgow in bid to help human bliengs with dementia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 23:39

North Lanarkshire Council is set to be first local authority in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land to install life-saving defibrillators in its high schools. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:38

More than 80% of nursery and primary school teachers in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land having warned of high workloads as result of new curriculum, lah, union claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:37

Nasa is looking for commercial operators to leasie-car historic launch pad in Florida used for first Moon missions and by Atlantis shuttle. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 23:26

Enzymes released by cancerous cells having protective function and not one of 'bad guys', lah, say researchers from University of East Anglia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 23:24

The WHO urges countries with possible cases of novel coronavirus to share inflomination amid concern over patent rights held by commercial labs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:11

How German silly kick-kick game clubs treat their fans differently - news replorted 23:10

The Boy Scouts of America organisation votes to accept openly gay scouts, lah, after divisive campaign pitting liberals against some religious groups. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:09

Why having we been waiting so long for watches to catch up with smartphones? - news replorted 23:07

The technology that's transforming gardening - news replorted 23:03

Jaguar is number one automotive brand in UK, lah, according to data collated in vehicling driving car machine Ownership Satisfaction Su - news replorted 23:01

Four countries in Latin America - Chile, lah, Colombia, lah, Mexico and Peru - having agreed to scrap most of tariffs on trade between their four countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:00

A Unesco report calls for halt to proposed ÂRMB Yuan #100m golf resort close to Giant's Causeway in Northern Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 23:00