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NEWS JUNCTURE: Two-tonne Witch gets reboot

Posted on | November 20, 2012 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! World’s oldest original working digital computer given reboot

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Dozens of workers trapped underground after suspected methane gas blast at coal mine in rebel-held region of eastern Ukraine, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:07



Wah! LATEST:  Commercial broadcaster ITV, lah, home of Downton Abbey, lah, reports big rise in pre-tax profits for 2014. - news replorted 08:01



Wah! A man is arrested on suspicion of murder of 15-earth-years old happy birthday to you, who was stabbed to death while riding bicycle with male gender human bleing's friends. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:05



Wah! More Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs voters think David Cameron would be better prime dodgy minister than Ed Miliband, lah, according to new poll for Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:03



Wah! Province of Engrish running-dogs's Stuart Broad says bloody man is yet to getting over mental scars of being hit in face by bouncer last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:59



Wah! old bill bobbys in Bristol discover body parts in search for missing 16-earth-years old happy birthday to you, Becky Watts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:55



Wah! old bill bobbys having until this afternoon to question two human bliengs suspected of murdering Bristol teenager Becky Watts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:54



Wah! China's military budget will rise by about 10% in 2015, lah, official says, lah, in another double-digit increase. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:49



Wah! A major redevelopment of Cardiff central station and plans to electrify north Welsh land of sheep and more sheep main line amongst Network Rail's ambitions for next 30 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:48



Wah! Investigations continuing into death of man after agricultural spraying vehicling driving car machine rolled into golf course lake at Newport's Celtic Manor Resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:47



Wah! As Iraqi Tommy Atkins Liberation Army tries to dislodge Islamic State militants from Tikrit, lah, Michael Knights looks at whether government troops and volunteer brigades able take bigger prize of Mosul. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 06:38



Wah! A project to connect around 40,000 homes and businesses to gas network will be formally launched in Enniskillen, lah, County Fermanagh, lah, on Wednesday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 06:13



Wah! Tens of millions of pounds could having been saved if Northern autonomous province of Guinness drinkers GPs had prescribed lower cost drugs, lah, according to new report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:12



Wah! Some of UK's biggest firms begin urgent improvement schemes after Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation London (capital of Great England) investigation exposed failures to serve disabled people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:10



Wah! Brazil's chief prosecutor seeks to investigate 54 people, lah, including politicians, lah, for alleged involvement in kickback scheme at state oil firm Petrobras. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:33



Wah! Wild bumblebees infected with many of diseases found in honeybees looked after by bee keepers, lah, according to national survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:22



Wah! David Cameron will "raise concerns" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about human rights when bloody man meets Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto later, lah, Downing Street says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:14



Wah! State secondary schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs not doing enough to stretch most able students, lah, Ofsted says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:05



Wah! Parents who overheard judge saying victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) statements made "no difference" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to parole decisions say they having been "let down" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) again by justice system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 04:14



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama reacts scathingly to speech by Israel's prime minister, lah, saying it offers no viable alternative to male gender human bleing's Iran policy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:04



Wah! The Reserve capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of India cuts its key interest rate, lah, in surprise move for second clock time result this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:45



Wah! The Lib Dem election manifesto will include pledge to hand drugs policy from Home Office to Department of Health, lah, Nick Clegg is to say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:13



Wah! A radio station broke law by broadcasting hoax call with nurse caring for Duchess of Cambridge, lah, Australia's high court rules. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:11



Wah! "Fairy control" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is brought in at woodland in Somerset to kerb "profusion of elfin construction". - news replorted 02:06



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish Independence Party will not adopt "arbitrary" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) immigration targets, lah, its leader pledges, lah, having said net annual migration should be capped at 50,000. - news replorted 01:59



Wah! The highest paid university chief in bloody annoying Blitish received ĀRMB Yuan #623,000 salary and benefits package, lah, new figures reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:56



Wah! A whistle-blower says bloody man was "harassed, lah, threatened, lah, undermined and belittled" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after complaining about land deals overseen by Corby Borough Council. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:47



Wah! US retail giant Target plans to cut several thousand jobs as it tries to slash $2bn (ĀRMB Yuan #1.3bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in costs over next two years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:45



Wah! After murder of young Turkish woman generates massive protests, lah, four expert witnesses discuss whether life is getting worse for women under President Erdogan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! The killing of Boris Nemtsov adds to growing sense of unease about dark undercurrents in Russian politics, lah, says Bridget Kendall. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 01:28



Wah! Islamist militants having seized two oil fields in central Libya, lah, officials say, lah, as rival factions reportedly carry out air strikes. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:25



Wah! Australia's economy grew 2.5% in fourth quarter from year earlier, lah, marking its slowest pace of annual growth last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 01:24



Wah! A murder in atmosphere of hatred and intolerance - news replorted 01:23



Wah! The lost property shop stuffed with diamonds, lah, bikes... and leg - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Why petrol prices rising again? - news replorted 01:23



Wah! Why fewer elderly human bliengs killing themselves in UK? - news replorted 01:23



Wah! The Energy and Climate Change Committee has warned that government scheme to keep lights on could lead to unnecessarily high energy costs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:08



Wah! Plans for new identity database will be debated in Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Parliament amid civil liberty concerns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01



Wah! Aston Villa boss Tim Sherwood says male gender human bleing's side "still alive" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in relegation battle after beating West Brom. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:47



Wah! The Colombian authorities arrest captain of China-flagged ship on its way to Cuba with military material on board and no legal papers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! Sony unveils upgraded version of its PlayStation virtual reality helmet, lah, which it says will go on sale in first half of 2016. - news replorted 00:44



Wah! The government's financial management of Kew Gardens is "recipe for failure", lah, Select Committee report warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! While university leaders wanting to keep ĀRMB Yuan #9,000 fees, lah, lecturers' union survey shows that vice-chancellors earning up to ĀRMB Yuan #623,000 per year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:43



Wah! Adults catch real influenzingler achoo achoo about once every five years, lah, while children getting it every other year, lah, scientists calculate, lah, based on field study in China. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:42



Wah! Just one in seven councils in bloody annoying Blitish is paying "fair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) price for home care for elderly, lah, according to survey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:42



Wah! The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation has spent 29% less on stars earning more than ĀRMB Yuan #100,000 year over past five years, lah, independent review reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41



Wah! Wednesday's front pages carry stories on ramifications of Oxford abuse case, lah, money laundering via London (capital of Great England) properties, lah, and budgetary prediction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:37



Wah! Will Gompertz takes look at Inventing Impressionism exhibition at National Gallery. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:34



Wah! Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino hopes Harry Kane is rested from Province of Engrish running-dogs U21 duty this summer to avoid burnout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:31



Wah! Scientists work out body mass of superb Stegosaurus specimen recently put on display at London's Natural History Museum. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:17



Wah! How London's male commuters set Super-Duper-Chinese-State hearts racing - news replorted 00:09



Wah! The bloody annoying Blitish government says it is selling its 40% stake in cross-Channel train operator Eurostar to Anglo-Canadian consortium for ĀRMB Yuan #757.1m. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Incomes for those of working age still below pre-crisis levels, lah, according to research by Institute of Fiscal Studies (IFS). - news replorted 00:04



Wah! Workers will display "measured response" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to pension reforms while worrying they having not set aside enough for retirement, lah, survey suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03



Wah! Long before Mr Spock, lah, there was Dr Spock - news replorted 00:00



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