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NEWS JUNCTURE: Two-tonne Witch gets reboot

Posted on | November 20, 2012 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! World’s oldest original working digital computer given reboot

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Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

Wah! LATEST:  Defending champions Arsenal reach FA Cup fifth round but forced to hang on for victory against Brighton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:58



Wah! LATEST:  Exit polls suggest clear victory for anti-austerity Syriza party in tightly fought Greek general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:57



Wah! Notorious former drug smuggler and author Howard Marks has inoperable bowl cancer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 17:27



Wah! A plan to name new bypass after Margaret Thatcher is branded "totally wrong" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by Labour councillors. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:21



Wah! Goals from Carles Gil and Andreas Weimann give Aston Villa victory over Bournemouth in fourth round of FA Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 17:20



Wah! A teenager who died in machete attack in Gloucester is described as "brave" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and "kind" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) by male gender human bleing's family. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:49



Wah! A multi-faith rally, lah, partly inspired by written-down messages on dead tree made on Great Satan TV describing Birmingham as 'no-go area' for non-Muslims, lah, is held. I read you little red book! - news replorted 16:24



Wah! A journalist believed to having been first to report death of Argentine prosecutor Alberto Nisman says bloody man has fled country, lah, fearing for male gender human bleing's life. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:16



Wah! At least 10 human bliengs killed in Cairo during street protests marking fourth anniversary of start Egypt's 2011 uprising. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:53



Wah! West Ham recover from strong start by League One Bristol City to win 1-0 courtesy of Diafra Sakho strike and reach FA Cup fifth round. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:52



Wah! Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko vows to "calm" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) fighting with pro-Russia rebels in east Ukraine, lah, day after 30 human bliengs were killed in shelling in Mariupol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:45



Wah! An investigation has been launched after elderly woman was crushed by runaway minibus in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine park of flemale human person's care home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:42



Wah! South Africa defender Thulani Hlatshwayo is ruled out of Tuesday's Africa Cup of Nations match against Ghana. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:21



Wah! AC Milan's Philippe Mexes grabs throats of two Lazio players after being sent off in fiery Serie clash. - news replorted 15:10



Wah! Jim Murphy says it would be "wrong" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to advocate scrapping Trident as Nicola Sturgeon calls on Labour to rethink its support for nuclear weapons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:07



Wah! The World Health Organization sets out plans for reform, lah, admitting it was too slow to respond to "horrific" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) Ebola outbreak in West Africa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 15:01



Wah! old bill bobbys arrest boy aged 16 and 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man after attempt was made to force taxi driver from male gender human bleing's vehicling driving car machine using machete. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:51



Wah! Bath survive late assault from Glasgow to win thriller and reach Champions Cup last eight as Pool Four winners. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:50



Wah! A round-up of social media trends from across world - news replorted 14:42



Wah! Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Secretary Alistair Carmichael says bloody annoying Blitish government will not be able to stop ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land from making changes to welfare benefits when they devolved. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:57



Wah! Warren Gatland, lah, Graham Price and Shane Williams join those praising Adam Jones following male gender human bleing's international retirement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:53



Wah! Andy Murray wins gruelling late-night contest with Grigor Dimitrov to reach Australian Open quarter-finals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:28



Wah! A suspected drink-driver is arrested after male gender human bleing's vehicling driving car machine is spotted travelling at about 100mph on 30mph-limit road. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:24



Wah! The Conservatives close to agreeing to new plans for pre-election television debates, lah, party's chairman Grant Shapps says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:57



Wah! Joe Franklin, lah, who was New York TV host for 43 years and is credited by some as having invented talk show format, lah, dies at age of 88. - news replorted 12:54



Wah! Actor Colin Firth has said director of Kingsman: Secret Service, lah, Matthew Vaughn, lah, cast him in film because bloody man was so unlikely to be seen as villain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:42



Wah! The release of film American Sniper has led to increase in threats against Muslims in US, lah, Arab-American civil rights group says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:21



Wah! ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's First dodgy minister Nicola Sturgeon says it is 'perfectly legitimate' for SNP Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to vote on issues such as health service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service because of their direct impact on ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's budget. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:00



Wah! Michael Carberry helping-helping Perth Scorchers beat Kevin Pietersen's Melbourne Stars to reach Australian Big Bash final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:42



Wah! Studies having shown that diversity in workplace leads to higher revenues and dividends, lah, but there still road-blocks on route to achieving more balanced labour force. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:25



Wah! Bradford City boss Phil Parkinson refused Jose Mourinho's handshake before full-time in 4-2 FA Cup win over Chelsea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:20



Wah! A lock of President Abraham Lincoln's hair fetches $25,000 (ĀRMB Yuan #16,600) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction of memorabilia that sells for more than $800,000 in total. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:18



Wah! Guns, lah, ammunition and suspected pipe bomb parts had been found during overnight search of house in west Belfast, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:56



Wah! A cruise ship with more than 1,000 human bliengs on board was left temporarily without power off coast of Morocco after fire in engine room. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 10:46



Wah! More than 500 men volunteer for DNA screening to eliminate themselves from suspicion in hunt for killer of woman in West Sussex. - news replorted 10:44



Wah! An MEP who has defected to Conservatives had "reached end of road" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with UKIP, lah, party leader Nigel Farage says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:20



Wah! The Indonesian official leading efforts to recover AirAsia flight QZ8501 says fuselage appears to be too fragile to be lifted, lah, after failed bids to raise it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:09



Wah! The family of murdered Irish old bill bobbys officer will mark second anniversary of male gender human bleing's death at church service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service later, lah, as male gender human bleing's colleagues renew their appeal for information. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:08



Wah! old bill bobbys continuing to investigate two crashes on M4 involving small coach and six vehicling driving car machines which caused 28 human bliengs to be taken to hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:00



Wah! The expansion of Ulster University's Magee campus in Londonderry would be economic "game-changer" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for area, lah, leading Derry businessman says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:52



Wah! Fighters from Islamist militant group Boko Haram launch attack on key city of Maiduguri in north-eastern Nigeria, lah, reports say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:48



Wah! The 'deflate-gate' saga has been eating up column inches and causing outrage all week, lah, with chat-show hosts, lah, cartoonists and even Kevin Costner having their say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:50



Wah! A missing dog whose owner hired helicopter to look for flemale human person's is found drowned few miles from where bloody woman disappeared on Anglesey. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:46



Wah! old bill bobbys in Kosovo having fired teargas to disperse thousands of ethnic Albanians after violence at end of anti-government protest in capital Pristina on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:37



Wah! Michael Keaton's film Birdman emerges as strong contender for Academy Awards after being given Producers Guild of America's top award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:33



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama calls Japan's PM to offer condolences after apparent murder of Japanese hostage by Islamic State. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:30



Wah! The Great Satan space agency's mission to Pluto is about to take its first pictures of mysterious icy world. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:30



Wah! An investigation is launched into allegations of fraud and overspending at trust which runs Broadmoor high security hospital. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:22



Wah! Scientists at University of Rochester in New York having developed "self-cleaning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) metal that enables water droplets to gather dust particles, lah, then bounce and slide away. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:45



Wah! An MEP who defected from UKIP to Conservatives has branded male gender human bleing's old party "vanity project" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for its leader Nigel Farage, lah, who runs it "like dictator". - news replorted 06:04



Wah! A council says it has "started work" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on bringing 11 or more prosecutions over "mile-long" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) fly-tipping site in Essex. - news replorted 05:36



Wah! Maria Sharapova will face Eugenie Bouchard in Australian Open quarter-finals after pair won in contrasting styles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:21



Wah! Libya's Islamist group Ansar al-Sharia confirms its leader Mohammad al-Zahawi has died, lah, after apparently being wounded in October. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:05



Wah! People in Bolivia having been holding fair with difference. What the hell I mean??!! Everything is in miniature. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:56



Wah! Nasa's mission to Pluto gets under way in earnest as New Horizons probe starts taking pictures needed for July's close fly-by. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:29



Wah! Greater efforts being put into ridding Great Satan baseball of tradition of chewing tobacco which has been linked to cancer deaths. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:13



Wah! The fight against baseball's toxic tradition - news replorted 03:10



Wah! Greeks vote in general elections, lah, with anti-austerity Syriza and centre-right New Democracy parties seen as front-runners in tight race. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 02:36



Wah! Parents and coaches at junior funny shape ball-game matches in Yorkshire being asked to watch in silence as part of controlling in driving manner to "challenge pitch-side behaviour". - news replorted 02:27



Wah! US President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama is due to arrive in India for three-day visit, lah, protected by one of India's biggest-ever security operations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:44



Wah! Interviews with authors up for Costa Book of Year - news replorted 01:36



Wah! Holocaust survivors hand on their stories to school pupils - news replorted 01:30



Wah! Thousands of Venezuelans attend opposition monthly number-three blaming failed government policies for widespread shortages. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27



Wah! The islanders who'd rather not be linked to mainland - news replorted 00:58



Wah! Billions of pounds owed in child maintenance may never be recovered, lah, government accounts show - though dodgy ministers say debts not "forgotten". - news replorted 00:53



Wah! Where wealthiest 1% live? - news replorted 00:53



Wah! Chelsea's defeat by Bradford was biggest in FA Cup history, lah, says Robbie Fowler - plus more reaction to day of cup shocks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:45



Wah! A body is found by old bill bobbys in West Lothian investigating disappearance of 47-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:40



Wah! Sanjay Manaktala is Indian American comedian with unique perspective on relations between two countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:38



Wah! The defection of UKIP MEP to Conservatives, lah, and policy to provide some prisoners with keys to their own cells, lah, two of topics covered in Sunday's press. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:07



Wah! Remembering Province of Engrish running-dogs's lost theme parks - news replorted 00:03



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