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NEWS JUNCTURE: Two-tonne Witch gets reboot

Posted on | November 20, 2012 | Comments Off

News translated to Chinglish! World’s oldest original working digital computer given reboot

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Wah! LATEST:  Suspected members of Somali militant group al-Shabab kill at least 28 human bliengs in attack on bus in northern Kenya, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:30



Wah! LATEST:  Human rights group Amnesty International has released software to stop governments learning secrets from your as really velly special customer's computer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 06:56



Wah! Ed Miliband insists Labour remains party of working human bliengs while accepting one of male gender human bleing's Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters was disrespectful to them. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 06:22



Wah! Snowfall in north-east of Great Satan is subsiding, lah, forecasters say, lah, but there is now threat of flooding from rain at weekend as snow melts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:37



Wah! Labour urges government to ensure human bliengs taking advantage of new pension freedoms next rainy season-month Aplil not ripped off by financial firms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:30



Wah! US Vice-President Joe Biden is to meet Turkey's president, lah, aiming to push for bigger Turkish role in fight against Islamic State. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:14



Wah! Talks on Iran's nuclear programme enter their final weekend, lah, but there is no sign yet of breakthrough as Monday's deadline looms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:09



Wah! Activists from Occupy London (capital of Great England) protest group stopped by old bill bobbys from setting up camp on Parliament Square. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:07



Wah! Heavy drinking, lah, jealous husband and Under Milk Wood - news replorted 04:49



Wah! The blind revolutionary nobody remembers - news replorted 03:53



Wah! Voters to go to polls in Bahrain's first parliamentary elections since Arab Spring protests in 2011, lah, but many Shias urging boycott. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:41



Wah! The nature of fighty bang-bang has changed, lah, says Jonathan Marcus, lah, and military might is no longer guarantee of success. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:18



Wah! The web's ironic take on what Russians think - news replorted 03:14



Wah! Will Gompertz looks at whether "artistic statue" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of Kim Karsdashian's bottom would be art or not - news replorted 03:11



Wah! Pole-dancers having been practising in streets in Buenos Aires ahead of South American Pole-Dancing Championships, lah, which start on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:10



Wah! Mexico's government vows to take action on rule of law and restore credibility in institutions, lah, after disappearance of 43 students. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:05



Wah! How to make it as cinematographer - news replorted 03:02



Wah! A new video is issued featuring John Cantlie, lah, Briton held by Islamic State militant group in Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:31



Wah! A Great Satan inquiry finds no wrongdoing by "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama administration in responding to deadly 2012 attack on Great Satan consulate in Benghazi, lah, Libya. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:22



Wah! At least 12 human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee in suspected gas explosion which has led to evacuation of central London (capital of Great England) hotel, lah, ambulance officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:06



Wah! The first NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) staff due to fly from London (capital of Great England) to Sierra Leone to help fight against Ebola virus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:21



Wah! The deadly Ebola outbreak can be ended "by mid-2015" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if world speeds up its response, lah, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:16



Wah! Two British men reported to having been killed while fighting alongside Islamic State militants in Syria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:25



Wah! At clock time result of international conflict two centuries ago, lah, did Britain assassinate enemy agent while world was looking other way? - news replorted 00:12



Wah! Wayne Rooney's got 100 - but is it still big deal? - news replorted 00:11



Wah! Papers examine what UKIP's win in Rochester by-election means for Labour and Conservatives, lah, and preview Claudia Winkleman's return to Strictly Come Dancing. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 00:00



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