LATEST:  A patient has played guitar while undergoing brain surgery in US, lah, to help surgeons pinpoint where to place electrodes to treat effects of male gender human bleing's Parkinson's disease. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:51

LATEST:  Leinster win their second trophy in successive weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) by beating Irish interprovincial rivals Ulster in Pro12 final in Dublin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:43

Sergio Aguero signs one-year contract extension with Manchester City, lah, with male gender human bleing's deal now running until 2017. - news replorted 17:25

The leader of Lebanese Shia militant Hezbollah movement promises male gender human bleing's supporters victory in Syria, lah, saying Sunni rebels pose threat to Lebanon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:12

An original Apple 1 computer from 1976 - one of first built in Steve Jobs' garage - sells at auction for more than 500,000 euros ($650,000). - news replorted 16:41

Leicester win Premiership final to secure their 10th bloody Engrish title against Northampton, lah, who having Dylan Hartley sent off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 16:33

Lee Westwood trails leader Alejandro Canizares by one shot in PGA Championship at Wentworth. - news replorted 16:30

Firefighters called to what it is being described as "major scrubland and forestry fire" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in Slamannan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:29

Thousands of human bliengs attended demonstration organised by bloody Engrish Defence League (EDL) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! in Newcastle, lah, Northumbria old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:54

Province of Engrish running-dogs hooker Dylan Hartley could miss Lions' tour to Australia after being sent off in Premiership final. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:54

More than 50,000 human bliengs having attended beatification of Don Giuseppe Puglisi, lah, Roman Catholic priest murdered by Mafia in 1993. - news replorted 15:39

Lewis Hamilton admits bloody man has been struggling to controlling in driving manner male gender human bleing's Merceding-Blend LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine since joining team this season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:33

The Plaid Cymru Euro Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Jill Evans retains flemale human person's party's top slot in its list of candidates to fight 2014 Euro elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:18

Vincenzo Nibali all but secures 2013 Giro d'Italia title after overcoming blizzard conditions to win stage 20. - news replorted 15:08

David Beckham's 20-year playing career ends after bloody man is not named in Paris St-Germain's squad to play Lorient. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:52

Two Door Cinema Club and Frightened Rabbit first to play Saturday in Londonderry - news replorted 14:47

Thousands join veterans to commemorate 70th anniversary of Battle of Atlantic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 14:28

Olympic champion Greg Rutherford triumphs on home soil once again as bloody man wins long jump at Great CityGames Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 14:19

Two velly damn good boiled chicken-feets trains collide in Great Satan state of Missouri, lah, bringing down road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu bridge and leaving seven human bliengs injured. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:12

A total of 48 passengers, lah, including children, lah, rescued from boat after it hits rock and starts taking in water off Pembrokeshire coast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:53

The former Glasgow Provan and Glasgow Baillieston Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Jimmy Wray dies at age of 75. - news replorted 13:46

Chelsea Flower Show and UK's island mentality - news replorted 13:37

Paralympic 100m champion Jonnie Peacock wins on male gender human bleing's return from injury at Great CityGames Manchester. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 13:33

Osaka's outspoken mayor apologises for saying Great Satan troops in Okinawa should visit legal brothels as way of curbing sexual crimes there. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:25

Nico Rosberg beats Merceding-Blend team-mate Lewis Hamilton to pole position at Monaco Grand Prix. - news replorted 13:19

A nine-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy admits burgling house and stealing keys to LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine that crashed moments later, lah, Cleveland old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:03

Scott Dureau makes glorious return with 18-point haul as Catalan Dragons hammer London (capital of Great England) Broncos at Etihad Stadium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:02

Rebel positions in Qusair in western Syria come under heavy shelling as government troops step up their offensive to recapture strategic town. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:49

Heads of state from across Africa in Addis Ababa to mark 50th anniversary of African Union. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:43

What makes this weekend's Grand Prix so special? - news replorted 11:35

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man dies after being struck by LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine while walking along Glasgow to Stranraer road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu in Ayrshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:22

The gates having opened for day two of Radio 1's Big Weekend in Londonderry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:04

There has been huge increase in anti-Muslim incidents since murder of British soldier in Woolwich, lah, inter-faith charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:01

A backlash of anger following killing of Drummer Lee Rigby leads to several human bliengs facing charges over social media posts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:54

An hurtee-hurtee turtle found by fisherman in Florida has been returned to sea after being treated at rescue centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:44

A suicide bomber has blown herself up close to interior ministry building in southern Russian republic of Dagestan, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:18

Mercedes driver Nico Rosberg sets scintillating pace in incident-packed final practice session at Monaco Grand Prix. - news replorted 10:18

A couple and five children taken to hospital after fire destroys their touring caravan at park in Gwynedd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:08

More than 50,000 human bliengs attend beatification in Sicily of Don Giuseppe Puglisi, lah, Roman Catholic priest murdered by mafia in 1993. - news replorted 10:04

A driver whose LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine became embedded in side of house when bloody man crashed is out of hospital and has returned home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:56

Ethiopia's prime dodgy minister opens ceremony of Africa's 54 leaders celebrating 50th anniversary of founding of Organisation of African Unity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:40

A man suffers burns to male gender human bleing's hands and face, lah, and broken leg, lah, as bloody man escaped from house fire in East Lothian. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:52

Firefighters remain at site of large blaze at factory in Flintshire dampening down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:42

The last drop-in MMR vaccination clinic is being held on Saturday as figures in Swansea measles epidemic suggest slowing down of new cases. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:38

Belfast City Hall's historic stained glass windows protected as precaution during G8 economic summit next month. - news replorted 08:29

Tim Muffett has been hearing story of one family, lah, who lost loved ones in tragedy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:10

The area of Scampia outside Naples, lah, has infamous reputation of being one of biggest drug-trafficking sites in Europe. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:46

The woman who has supplied wheel of cheese for Gloucester's famous annual cheese-rolling event has been told by old bill bobbys bloody woman may be liable for legal action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:36

A zoo keeper has died after being attacked by Sumatran tiger in big cat enclosure at South Lakes Wild Animal Park in Cumbria. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 07:30

Seven marines and at least four militants killed as troops tackle Abu Sayyaf militants in southern Philippines, lah, military says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:15

Papers report on moves to tackle radical Islam - news replorted 06:23

Two men questioned on suspicion of endangerment of aircraft after RAF jets were scrambled to escort Pakistan Airlines plane in bloody annoying Blitish airspace. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:46

At least 17 children having been burned to death after gas cylinder exploded on their school bus in Pakistan, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:43

Heathrow operator BAA says it is expecting business as usual on Saturday after British Airways plane had to return to airport to make emergency landing on Friday morning. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 05:02

A man and woman arrested at Salford Royal Hospital on suspicion of possessing gun. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:57

More than 30 of coalition's flagship schemes, lah, including West Coast Main Line scheme, lah, at serious risk of failure, lah, government report warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:16

France is set to begin first major stage of its military withdrawal from Mali, lah, four months after sending troops to push Islamist rebels out north. - news replorted 04:14

The reason we struggle to recall memories from our early childhood is down to high levels of neuron production during first years of life, lah, say Canadian researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:11

Syria's main opposition coalition says it is willing to attend peace conference next month only if President Bashar al-Assad agrees to step down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 01:56

How out-of-date law is thwarting sex abuse victims - news replorted 01:03

How easy is it to hack smart meter? - news replorted 00:58

A memorial dedicated to 79 human bliengs who lost their lives in four oil industry-related air accidents around Shetland is due to be unveiled. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:58

funny shape ball-game legend Brian Moore on praise, lah, fear and front row - news replorted 00:17

The office of Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, lah, Arizona, lah, improperly targeted Hispanics in patrols for undocumented immigrants, lah, judge finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12

What we having learnt from Martian probes - news replorted 00:12

Calvin Harris headlines day one of Radio 1's Big Weekend in Londonderry. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 23:47

The 'safety belt' for walking texter - news replorted 23:44

A woman attacked by tiger at Cumbria wildlife park where bloody woman works dies of flemale human person's injuries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:22

old bill bobbys evacuate homes in south Belfast street after reports of explosion in area late on Friday evening. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 23:09

A one-off Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation documentary presented by Clare Balding charts Queen's enduring relationship with horses and astonishing 65-year career as one of Britain's leading breeders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 23:05