LATEST:  At least eight human bliengs killed and 30 hurtee-hurtee after bomb hit bus stop in city of Peshawar in north-west Pakistan, lah, old bill bobbys officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:36

LATEST:  Gamekeepers warning capercaillie could be lost from ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land for second time, lah, unless steps taken to control pine marten numbers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:34

An investigation will be launched into cause of supermarket fire in Llanelli which led to about 85 human bliengs being evacuated from store. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:33

A new emergency phone line is being set up to try to stop carjacking in Belfast after recent spate of incidents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:27

State-controlled Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land reports loss of RMB Yuan #2bn in 2011, lah, its fourth year of losses since bank's bailout in 2008. - news replorted 07:26

Centrica, lah, owner of British Gas, lah, says profits stayed flat due to effect of slump in in demand in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:16

The "extravagant" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) legal costs of defending councillors accused of breaching their code of conduct must end, lah, councils warned by public services ombudsman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:57

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News talks to stars at Evening Standard Film Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:42

At least 25 human bliengs having been killed and dozens hurtee-hurtee in wave of bombings and shootings across Iraqi capital Baghdad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:37

Talking Movies' Tom Brook has been finding out what recipients having benefited from winning Hollywood's most coveted award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:34

Phoenix Supply announces 8.5% reduction in its prices for households and small businesses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:14

The Department of Health launches inquiry into claim (always claiming, huh?) that doctors agreed to carry out abortions on grounds of sex of unborn babies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:09

'Heroic face of journalism': Papers mourn Marie Colvin - news replorted 06:04

Ahead of its world debut at 2012 Geneva Motor Show, lah, New Generation i30 wagon has today broken cover.  It is second member of New Generation i30 family, lah, and joins five-door hatchback to broaden appeal of Hyundai’s C-segment range. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:00

Some 49 human bliengs killed and at least 600 hurtee-hurtee in Argentina after commuter train crashes as it arrives into one of city's busiest stations in Buenos Aires. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26

Thousands of Putin supporters to rally in Moscow to show Russia's PM has popular support ahead of presidential elections, lah, despite protests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26

A 47-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is due in court charged with murders of retired teacher and vicar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:01

Snow avalanches having hit defence installations in Indian-administered Kashmir, lah, killing at least nine Indian soldiers and trapping 11 others, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:56

America's Cup yacht racing brought in RMB Yuan #9.1m for Plymouth's economy, lah, according to report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:56

A ban on sale of below-cost alcohol will having "limited impact" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on overall alcohol pricing, lah, new research reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:08

The Japanese yen falls to its lowest level against Great Satan dollar in seven months, lah, positive news for Japanese exporters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:05

Many bloody annoying Blitish addresses having broadband speeds of less than 5Mbps, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:41

The number of full-time undergraduate degree courses offered at bloody annoying Blitish universities has fallen by 27% over past six years, lah, data shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:32

A collection of early comic books - including those featuring debuts of Batman and Superman - is sold for $3.5m (RMB Yuan #2.2m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:31

Former Philippine President Gloria Arroyo pleads not guilty to electoral fraud before court in Manila. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:30

A new treatment for advanced skin cancer almost doubles survival times, lah, according to international study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:19

David Cameron is to praise business for its 'vital role' in society later and say attacks on wealth creators motivated by "snobbery". - news replorted 02:11

A think tank questions whether "oil fund" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in independent ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land would be best approach for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:00

A man, lah, understood to be Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Eric Joyce, lah, has been arrested on suspicion of assault following disturbance at Houses of Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:00

The killings of two Western reporters in Homs and reported deaths of 60 human bliengs across Syria trigger Western condemnation of Bashar al'Assad's regime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:58

How Globe audiences risk putting off players - news replorted 00:54

Why would ex-heavy metal roadie become priest? - news replorted 00:53

Mining group Rio Tinto has unearthed extremely rare pink diamond in Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:46

How mother supports 10 children by selling samosas - news replorted 00:31

Kennelling types of dogs suspected of being dangerous cost old bill bobbys at least RMB Yuan #3.7m in 2010, lah, according to figures given to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:26

African and Western leaders to discuss future of Somalia, lah, including threat from terrorism and piracy, lah, at major conference in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:25

The Commonwealth calls for early elections in Maldives to help solve crisis caused by President Mohamed Nasheed's resignation two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:07