LATEST:  Barclays reports 3% fall in annual profits to RMB Yuan #5.9bn, lah, and cuts bonus pool at its investment banking division by 32%. - news replorted 07:17

LATEST:  There reports of hazardous driving conditions in parts of Welsh land of sheep and more sheep due to icy roads with only "dusting" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of snow despite predictions of more. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:13

Papers examine Province of Engrish running-dogs prospects for Harry Redknapp - news replorted 06:53

Trustees of controversial race relations charity meet to consider how to wind up organisation's affairs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:46

The toddler who's great at table tennis, lah, runaway rhino and presenter not quite ready for flemale human person's live broadcast - week's weird and wonderful video stories in Newsbeat's Odd Box with Dominic Byrne. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:28

Eurozone finance you tellibly lovely custlingmer wan' borrow many Yuan dodgy ministers say more work must be done before they'll give Greece another 130bn euro bailout. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:28

Sainsbury's is removing advice to freeze food "on day of purchase" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) from its labels and informing clustomlers it can be done up until use-by date. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:40

Three million background checks were carried out in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep last year, lah, according to privacy campaign group Big Brother Watch. - news replorted 04:16

Tata Steel, lah, largest producer in India, lah, unexpectedly reports loss of 6.03bn rupees ($122m; RMB Yuan #77m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! hit by weak demand. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:54

China's exports and imports fall in first number-one-month raising fresh concerns about impact of global economic slowdown on its economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:42

Patrick Helly shows Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News how hand-made Bafta trophies produced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 03:40

Origami dresses, lah, London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympic torch and wind-propelled landmine detonator among nominations for 2012 Designs of Year Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:36

The Mexican Tommy Atkins Liberation Army has seized 15 tonnes of drugs in western state of Jalisco. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 03:20

President "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama condemns as "outrageous bloodshed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) continuing onslaught aimed at crushing rebels in Syrian city of Homs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:13

South Dakota's Oglala Sioux tribe has sued major beer makers for $500m for fuelling chronic alcohol abuse in one of poorest communities in Us. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:07

Problem drinkers in London (capital of Great England) to be given American-style sobriety tests aimed at keeping them away from alcohol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 03:03

Burmese monk U Gambira, lah, one of leaders of 2007 protests, lah, has been taken away by authorities, lah, eyewitnesses tell Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Burmese service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service - news replorted 02:42

A former senior old bill bobbys officer billed old bill bobbys authority for thousands of pounds for training despite getting cash to pay for this, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:35

The Ministry of Defence may be "over-optimistic" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) about how much its military equipment budget is under control, lah, influential group of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:28

A project is to look at whether following set of systematic movements for 10 minutes day in class can boost pupils' results. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:56

Drivers who using cannabis before driving double their chances of causing collision, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:51

Who has FBI kept tabs on and why? - news replorted 01:43

The head teacher who criticised multiculturalism - news replorted 01:42

Canada and China reach government deals in uranium exports and other sectors, lah, as two countries deepen trade ties. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:29

The soaring cost of wasted medicines - news replorted 01:27

Making movie music for new film - news replorted 01:23

The creator of V for Vendetta on how it became hacktivist icon - news replorted 01:03

The government announces RMB Yuan #1.2 million of funding to help girls involved with gangs who raped by male members. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:41

What did Liam Neeson to upset animal lovers? - news replorted 00:35

The British Bloody foreign Secretary, lah, William Hague, lah, says Britain will using diplomacy with Syria, lah, not weapons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:22

The Great Satan military announces plans to relax curbs on women serving in combat roles, lah, but advoacy group says policy does not go far enough. - news replorted 00:02

A man, lah, believed to be from Londonderry, lah, dies after shooting at house in Buncrana, lah, County Donegal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 00:01

HM Revenue & Customs tells Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation that rumours it spent RMB Yuan #8m on trials into alleged tax dodging involving Harry Redknapp "nonsense". - news replorted 00:00