Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Debra Bond in Wakefield

Visit my full letters page click here I am amazed the Post Office needs to be privatised, the amount that my customers spend sending me letters about their new cars. Here, Debra Bond explains how they are getting on with their Nissan Qashqai Debra says…Hi Ling! Thanks for your very prompt, efficient and very entertaining [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Stephen Lake in Shrewsbury

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Stephen Lake in Shrewsbury. Bloody cat! Stephen says…Dear Ling, Apologies for not dropping you a line sooner, but the first month with our new Nissan Qashqai has gone [...]

Fiat Grande Punto Lease delivered to Joanne Mcarthur in London

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Joanne Mcarthur in London. Bloody cat! Joanne says…I am very happy with the service you have provided, however when the Grande Punto was delivered there was no aerial [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Steve Hill/Dave Watson in Marlborough Hill

Visit my full letters page click here Customers often send me letters, I have 1378 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from Steve Hill/Dave Watson Steve says…Fantastic service. Will be back for more cars/vans when we need them. Good delivery, the [...]

Ford Focus Lease delivered to Robert Wood in Thetford

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Robert Wood. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Robert says…Dealing with Ling has been a blast. Her service and professionalism [...]

Citroen C4 Grand Picasso Lease delivered to Alexander Tabrah in Co Antrim

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Alexander Tabrah in Co Antrim. Bloody cat! Alexander says…Despite slightly complicated personal circumstances, I went from initial enquiry to having a new car delivered at exactly the time [...]

Fiat Grande Punto Lease delivered to Douglas Green in Swanley

Visit my full letters page click here Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Douglas Green from Swanley. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it! Douglas says…Ling does everything it says on the web. Helpful informative and no nonsense (except for the [...]

Mercedes A-class Lease delivered to Robert Emerson in Atlesbury

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Robert Emerson replied with a letter back to me about the Mercedes A-class that was delivered, new. Here it is: Robert says…Very good if somewhat unconventional communication – [...]

Volkswagen Passat Lease delivered to Richard Barry in Sevenoaks

Visit my full letters page click here Customers often send me letters, I have 1378 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from Richard Barry Richard says…“Ling offered the best value deal available. Efficient communication, level of service and care. Excellent, will [...]

Citroen C4 Lease delivered to Dean Thompson in Bridlington

Visit my full letters page click here Getting letters in the post is really nice. It makes a lovely change from getting email. This one was sent by Dean Thompson from Bridlington. Amazingly, the postman didn’t steal it! Dean says…Ling is great, Ling is cool, Ling gets the job done. Citroen C4 Hatch was delivered [...]

Lease delivered to Chris Hogan in Hull

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Chris Hogan show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

Bmw 1-series Lease delivered to Joanne Hardy in Goole

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Joanne Hardy. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Joanne says…“Hi Ling, Just to tell you we took delivery of the [...]

Vauxhall Antara Lease delivered to Nicholas Darlow in Rushden

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Nicholas Darlow that I got a while ago: Nicholas says…Hi Ling! Thanks for [...]

Chevrolet Captiva Lease delivered to Peter Lewis in Rawtenstall

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Peter Lewis. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Peter says…I would recommend leasing a new car from Ling, to anyone! [...]

Ford Fiesta Lease delivered to Digger Gray in Penrith, Cumbria

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Digger Gray show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

Mazda Rx-8 Lease delivered to Judy Taylor in Rochester

Visit my full letters page click here My letters webpage must be just about the longest on the internet! Currently, there are 1378 letters on my website. Letters are great, as they are like a window on my customers’ happiness. My good customer Judy Taylor wrote this one: Judy says…“Hi Ling, hope you are well. [...]

Vauxhall Zafira Lease delivered to Terry Hawkes in Stevenage

Visit my full letters page click here New cars are like new toys to most of my customers. They get really excited. Just like Terry Hawkes. I delivered this Vauxhall Zafira to Stevenage then I got this very nice letter back… Terry says…Ling, your service was very good. You gave speedy feedback, which made it [...]

Land Rover Freelander 2 Lease delivered to Jeff Butler in Sutton

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Jeff Butler in Sutton . Bloody cat! Jeff says…Ling. Thanks for the second car (Land Rover Freelander 2) from you in two months, I must have been happy! [...]

Lease delivered to Ka Fung Lau in London

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Ka Fung Lau. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Ka says…Great design, very funny, clear information Ka Fung Lau52 Rope [...]

Honda Civic Lease delivered to Sean Moore in Hook

Visit my full letters page click here I have 1378 customer letters! This one was sent by Sean Moore after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Honda Civic Sean says…Hi Ling! Leasing a car from your website has been a very entertaining process!! The site is brilliant; wacky but brilliant. [...]

Mazda Mx-5 Lease delivered to Rachel Dickinson in Witham

Visit my full letters page click here Does your cat eat letters when they come through your letter box? Mine does. Here’s a letter it missed, from Rachel Dickinson in Witham. Bloody cat! Rachel says…“Thanks Ling for leasing us a superb car! The process was made simple by constant communication and friendly approach. Extremely competitive [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Catherine Johnston in Gloucester

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Catherine Johnston. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Catherine says…I�m loving my Nissan Qashqai Ling – but that I could [...]

Lease delivered to Marc Dando in West Looe

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Marc Dando, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their . Marc says…It was nice to have someone trying to help for [...]

Lease delivered to Ben Hodgson in St Leonards on Sea

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Ben Hodgson replied with a letter back to me about the that was delivered, new Here it is: Ben says…What a great website and a brilliant way of [...]

Mazda Mx-5 Lease delivered to Adam Foley-Comer in London

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Adam Foley-Comer replied with a letter back to me about the Mazda Mx-5 that was delivered, new. Here it is: Adam says… “Great deals, Ling is competitive and [...]

Vauxhall Zafira Lease delivered to Jason Wilson in West Sussex

Visit my full letters page click here I always ask my customers if they have comments about getting their new car. Really, I am looking for criticisms (so I can improve my service). However, customers like Jason Wilson show that it is hard to generate real criticism. I can only improve if I know if [...]

Saab 9-3 Sport Saloon Lease delivered to Mick Bowles in Newcastle upon Tyne

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Mick Bowles. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Mick says…Dear Ling, I’d just like to say thanks for sorting out [...]

Nissan Note Lease delivered to Kairen Stammers in Rochester

Visit my full letters page click here Customers often send me letters, I have 1378 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from Kairen Stammers Kairen says…“From start to finish, the experience was professional and fun! I felt that I received personal [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Thomas Duffy in Formby

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Thomas Duffy replied with a letter back to me about the Nissan Qashqai that was delivered, new. Here it is: Thomas says…We used LINGsCARS and found Ling to [...]

Volvo S80 Lease delivered to Mark Mitchell in Shropshire

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Mark Mitchell, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Volvo S80. Mark says…Excellent service, Ling always keeps you up to date [...]

Mitsubishi L200 (old Shape) Lease delivered to Leslie Spiers in Sturminster Newton

Visit my full letters page click here How much do I spend on stamps??? It must add up because I send every customer a nice thank-you letter. Leslie Spiers replied with a letter back to me about the Mitsubishi L200 (old Shape) that was delivered, new. Here it is: Leslie says…Ling is just a little [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Gordon McKellar in Nottingham

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Gordon McKellar, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Nissan Qashqai. Gordon says…Hello Ling, many thanks for your help in securing [...]

Jaguar X-type Lease delivered to Gavin Moffatt in Morpeth

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Gavin Moffatt that I got a while ago: Gavin says…The whole transaction went [...]

Fiat Grande Punto Lease delivered to Robert Brooks in Carshalton

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Robert Brooks that I got a while ago: Robert says…Ling just rings my [...]

Land Rover Freelander 2 Lease delivered to Rachael Hanley in Huddersfield

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Rachael Hanley. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Rachael says…It has been a pleasure doing business with you. You responded [...]

Vauxhall Zafira Lease delivered to Ian Twist in Alloa

Visit my full letters page click here Many customer letters contain really funny stuff. It’s unusual to receive a very dry one. However, I publish them all. Here is a letter from Ian Twist. It was sent to me quite a while ago! Ian says…Excellent service. Ling keeps in touch, help when needed and does [...]

Mini Cooper Lease delivered to Amanda Jolley in Little Mapplestead

Visit my full letters page click here Customers often send me letters, I have 1378 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from Amanda Jolley Amanda says…The sad news is the Mazda RX8 we got from you two years ago is due [...]

Nissan Qashqai Lease delivered to Andrew Hartridge in Windsor

Visit my full letters page click here Gotta laugh at some of these letters! It’s amazing how much time some customers put into writing them. Often it can take me up to 10 seconds to read them. Just like this letter from Andrew Hartridge that I got a while ago: Andrew says…Hi Ling, Thank you [...]

Mazda Rx-8 Lease delivered to John Reynolds in Weston Super Mare

Visit my full letters page click here I have 1378 customer letters! This one was sent by John Reynolds after they had been driving around a few weeks in their new Mazda Rx-8 John says…“Ling provided a really fresh approach to contract car hire. It was light-hearted, witty and sometimes a little cheeky. But in [...]

Vauxhall Astra Sport Hatch Lease delivered to Neil T in Moseley

Visit my full letters page click here Customers often send me letters, I have 1378 in total! It keeps the postman busy. These letters are all hard copies, and none are invented. This one is from Neil T Neil says…Ling, I really have to say how good the service that you provide is. The attention [...]

Green info has changed on the Mercedes M-Class

I am the fastest car supplier in the UK to update the Mercedes M-Class 3.0 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 24v (187bhp) ML300 CDI Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel Automatic information. No one in the industry can believe how fast I am. Physical stock is always limited, as cars cannot be made to appear by magic, [...]

Mazda 5 Lease delivered to Gillian Rudge in Pontyclun

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Gillian Rudge, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Mazda 5. Gillian says…“Great service – really liked the friendly, informal style [...]

Ling is Green. New Mercedes M-Class info

All the people with orders in my system for the Mercedes M-Class 3.0 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY 24v (187bhp) ML300 CDI Sport 4WD Station Wagon 5dr 2987cc Diesel Automatic will be quite pleased by this news. I am making a change, because the environment stuff seems to have moved slightly. Most Ling cars are on 2 year [...]

Renault Megane Coupe-cabriolet Lease delivered to Peter Hennerley in Peopleton

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Peter Hennerley, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Renault Megane Coupe-cabriolet. Peter says…Not only did I get a car at [...]

Pollution levels on the Seat Ibiza Sport Coupe have changed

If you are interested in CO2 stuff, then read this. I have a new figure for the Seat Ibiza Sport Coupe 1.2 (70bhp) S AC Hatchback 3dr 1198cc Petrol Manual and I am updating it on my website now. I get my car deals from many sources, main dealers, finance companies, or I work them [...]

Lease delivered to Uncle Rex in Cranfield

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Uncle Rex, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their . Uncle says…Ask Uncle Rex, he is cheaper and will provide a [...]

New VCA data on the Seat Exeo SportTourer

I am Ling and my Seat Exeo SportTourer 2.0 TDI CR 16v (140bhp) SE Estate 5dr 1968cc Diesel Manual has a new CO2 value today. So I post it here in my blog. I always update very fast. Can anyone name another website that can do this stuff as fast as me? With my deals, [...]

My Mazda MX-5 is more economical now?

Fuel is a fortune these days, so when the Mazda MX-5 1.8 i (124bhp) SE Convertible 2dr 1798cc Petrol Manual has slightly changed figures, I always blog about it, because my customers say they care. These days, in UK identity theft is common (not problem in China; we all look same, heheh), money laundering is [...]

Mercedes C-class Saloon Lease delivered to Peter Boyes in Driffield

Visit my full letters page click here Inbetween all my bills and bank statements, I receive customer letters. Here one I pulled out to read from Peter Boyes, but I actually got it a while ago. It is about the delivery of their Mercedes C-class Saloon. Peter says…We love the mad crazy Chinese woman. Nothing [...]

Green changes on my Chrysler 300C

I am Ling and my Chrysler 300C 3.0 CRD V6 (215bhp) Saloon 4dr 2987cc Diesel Automatic has a new CO2 value today. So I post it here in my blog. I always update very fast. Can anyone name another website that can do this stuff as fast as me? Sometimes new car will be delivered [...]

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I am Ling Valentine as seen on Dragons' Den I lease cheap cars in the UK!. Have a look at my Cheap car leasing website

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MINI BLOG

NO FM CAR RADIO IN 2015

Posted: 04/03/10

Comments ( 3 )

Listening to the radio in our cars is something we all take for granted. Every car these days comes with a good quality radio, and... READ MORE

WHY HYDROGEN NO GOOD 4 CARS

Posted: 15/12/10

Comments ( 1 )

I have a BSc in Applied Chemistry and an MSc in Environmental Management, so have some qualification to comment on this issue. Sor... READ MORE

MY SISTER'S (CHINESE) SKODA!

Posted: 08/07/10

Comments ( 4 )

Although I only lease cars in the UK, my sister Shan asked me to help her buy a brand-new car in China!
She looked at quite a... READ MORE

HIDING VAT

Posted: 02/07/10

Comments ( 0 )

Can you believe prices you see on the web? I've gotta say, how annoyed it makes me that so many websites break the law, also known... READ MORE

THE 3 DEGREES - MY IT CROWD

Posted: 18/07/10

Comments ( 0 )

Just to say that Mark, Jamie and Jonny have graduated. Fantastic!
All have got FIRSTS in Computer something or other from Sun... READ MORE

CHEAPER THAN PENDRAGON

Posted: 02/08/10

Comments ( 0 )

I've just delivered a new car to a senior manager (for his personal use) in PENDRAGON PLC, the UK's largest dealer group. The grou... READ MORE

Don't run, little customers! I'm friendly...

I am the Viz UK business ambassador!
Post me Ferrero-Rochers! Yum Yum!

Unlike most other internet car leasing sites, I publish all my contact information openly!
...so, you know who I am - Ling

THE UK's FAVOURITE
CAR LEASING WEBSITE!

Boss: Ling Valentine MSc IoD
LING World Headquarters
Vance Business Park
Gateshead, NE11 9NE
Tel 0191 460 9444
Fax 0870 486 1130
sales@LINGsCARS.com
I prefer email to phone - Ling
VAT No: 866 0241 30
Co Reg No: 6178634
Consumer Credit Licence: 624022
Data Protection No: Z1098490
Best Before: 17/08/2007

Latest BBC NEWS from LING in CHINGLISH!

LATEST: Two men charged with murder of man who was found decapitated and burnt in Stockport. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:34

LATEST: A man previously accused of murdering journalist Martin O'Hagan has agreed to co-operate with old bill bobbys investigating LVF killing, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:15

Ministers and Labour clash over who is responsible for RBS chief executive Stephen Hester's contract, lah, amid anger about RMB Yuan #963,000 share bonus offer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 18:15

The funeral is held for first of nine confirmed victims of Wednesday's building collapse in Rio de Janeiro, lah, as rescuers continue to search rubble for about 20 missing people. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:54

French troops will resume training Afghan soldiers on Saturday but Paris will pull out most of its troops by end of 2013, lah, President Nicolas Sarkozy says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:49

Welsh land of sheep and more sheep prop Rhys Thomas undergoes heart surgery after being taken ill during training with Scarlets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:48

The Norwegian prime dodgy minister apologises for role male gender human bleing's country played in deporting Jews as Europe marks Holocaust Remembrance Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:46

Microscopic plastic debris from washing clothes is accumulating in marine environment and could be entering food chain, lah, study warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:39

A man who is almost completely paralysed has won first step in male gender human bleing's legal bid to pursue male gender human bleing's right-to-die. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:19

A 20-earth-years old happy birthday to you, who made international headlines during two-year crime (shoud shoot them) spree when bloody man evaded old bill bobbys in stolen cars, lah, boats and planes is to be sentenced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 17:08

Gunmen in northern Nigeria's Zamfara state kill at least 15 village traders returning from market at night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 17:05

The social network and Washington State sue marketing firm over claim (always claiming, huh?) that it deceived users by hiding 'Like' buttons. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:05

Photos from around world this week - news replorted 17:04

A Nottingham farmer is jailed for year after "horrific" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) scenes of animal cruelty were found on male gender human bleing's property. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:46

�KODA bloody annoying Blitish has made it even easier for journalists to request test LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine bookings by launching dedicated Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) account for press fleet. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:44

Pricing for Model Year 2012 Fliat Punto has just been announced by Fliat Group Automobiles Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:41

Why notorious criminal has become irresistible to film-makers - news replorted 16:30

The Ulster Unionist leader Tom Elliott writes to party members to reassure them about nature of talks with DUp. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 16:21

A Bolton man is jailed for possessing recipe for deadly poison ricin and rice-paper officialing doumentlation about how to make bombs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:15

Super-Duper-Chinese-State security forces having shot and killed young Tibetan in Sichuan province, lah, campaign groups say, lah, third killing this week. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:11

At least 11 human bliengs having been hurtee-hurtee after under-construction casino partially collapsed in Cincinnati, lah, Ohio, lah, emergency crews say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:52

Five South Welsh land of sheep and more sheep old bill bobbys officers receive written warnings for disobeying orders to stop pursuing man who went on to crash into wall and later died. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:27

The former Province of Engrish running-dogs and Aston Villa footballer Lee Hendrie is declared bankrupt by High Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:14

Nigeria's Supreme Court orders five of country's powerful state governors to step down for overstaying their term in office in landmark judgement. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:12

A European Parliament rapporteur has stood down in protest as controversial anti-piracy agreement is signed by several countries. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:24

New technology is being used in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers to try to prevent one of oldest crimes of fish poaching. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 14:22

New emissions rules could spell unforeseen costs for operators � sparking caution and lower residual values in used market. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 14:11

Jack Straw says there is so little government legislation for Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters to consider at moment that dodgy ministers having to "manufacture activity". - news replorted 14:09

'Gambling' with some of world's top investors - news replorted 14:03

Toyota delivered its 400,000th hybrid in Europe on past day, lah, day before today day (26 January), lah, British-built Auris Hybrid from its Burnaston factory in Derbyshire. What the hell I mean??!! vehicling driving car machine was handed over to Valentine Nkwocha, lah, capitalist entity LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine driver for CTG, lah, IT capitalist entity in Belgium. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:54

Anton Ferdinand is considering refusing to shake hands with John Terry ahead of Saturday's FA Cup fourth round tie between QPR and Chelsea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:46

While America is running down its manned space programme - further north - two Canadian students having shown that flying into space does not always having to be rocket science. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 13:44

Britain's Andy Murray misses out on place in Australian Open final, lah, losing to Novak Djokovic in five-set epic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 13:37

A school IT manager accused of possessing nearly 400,000 indecent images of children tells court bloody man has no interest in pornography. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 13:36

The pace Great Satan economic growth quickened to 2.8% annualised rate in three months to December, lah, Commerce Department says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:35

Jack Wilshere suffers blow in male gender human bleing's attempt to recover from ankle injury sustained in pre-season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:21

Monty Panesar takes three wickets as Province of Engrish running-dogs take firm grip on second Test against Pakistan on day three in Abu Dhabi. - news replorted 13:21

A old bill bobbys LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine involved in collision which left two human bliengs hurtee-hurtee was stationary when it was hit by lorry, lah, it emerges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19

An independent commission has been set up to examine impact of increased tuition fees in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:11

24 hours of news photos: 27 first number-one-month 2012 - news replorted 13:03

US carmaker Floord has reported surge in profits in 2011, lah, fuelled by one-off payment and strong sales in its home country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:48

A man described by male gender human bleing's solicitor as nerd and train spotter has appeared in court on terrorism charges. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:47

Amnesty International has called for investigation into what it says is misuse of tear gas by Bahraini security forces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:44

Harry Redknapp told old bill bobbys bloody man has paid "fortunes in income tax" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and did not "fiddle anybody", lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:43

A RMB Yuan #963,000 bonus in shares awarded to Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land boss comes under attack from union representing workers in Ulster Bank. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 12:42

Growing inequality should now be priority for leaders after economic crisis, lah, senior figures at World Economic Forum say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:41

Up to 350 workers to lose their jobs at Kent steel firm which has gone into administration, lah, it is confirmed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:36

The Philippines confirms that it is discussing ways to "maximise" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) defence ties with Great Satan amid territorial disputes in region. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:31

Businessman Asil Nadir would having needed banknotes 300 times height of Nelson's Column to balance books of male gender human bleing's empire, lah, Old Bailey hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:19

The Chancellor George Osborne is to reavealingly showing Great Satan details about new Financial Services Bill that will overhaul regulation of sector. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:17

Newcastle United goalkeeper Tim Krul says bloody man is happy with male gender human bleing's progress on Tyneside, lah, regardless of speculation surrounding male gender human bleing's future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:16

Health authorities decide upon cross-border strategy which includes plans for minimum price for alcohol. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 12:14

The clock time result Stephen Lawrence met Mail editor Paul Dacre - news replorted 12:08

Veteran actor John Hurt will receive outstanding contribution to cinema award at Bafta's next month, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:03

Time-lapse photography captures orchid coming into flower - news replorted 12:01

old bill bobbys say they not ruling out possibility statue of old soldier in Scarborough may having been covered in yellow paint in anti-Semitic attack. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:59

The results of last November's parliamentary elections in DR Congo finally released and show that no party has overall majority. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:48

Danny Boyle reveals London (capital of Great England) 2012 Olympics opening ceremony will be called Isles of Wonder, lah, in annoucement six months ahead of Games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:47

An asylum-seeking playwright and flemale human person's husband freed from detention centre after last-minute reprieve from deportation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:45

Suzuki GB is proud to announce new partnership with Sky Sports.� Launching six week campaign, lah, Suzluko and Sky Sports having produced series of bespoke 30-second TV airings titled �The New Swift Sport Boot Camp�.� - news replorted 11:44

Alfa Romeo's latest television commercial, lah, entitled �Test Me�, lah, launches this month in year-long marketing campaign focused on highlighting rational reasons why human bliengs should buy Alfa Romeo.� - news replorted 11:42

The teenager accused of murdering Jack Frew recalls how schoolboy lay hurtee-hurtee on ground shortly after bloody man produced knife. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:40

Artists who withholding for secrecy their albums from streaming services such as Spotify in danger of antagonising their fans, lah, executive from record label Universal says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:39

The Daily Mail has overtaken New York Times as world's most popular newspaper website. What the hell I mean??!! How did it it? - news replorted 11:37

Disqualification orders being sought against elderly directors in collapsed Presbyterian Mutual Society because they "soft targets", lah, High Court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:35

Many struggling to pay their bills but philosopher Alain De Botton reckons British should be encouraged to think this is velly damn good boiled chicken-feet idea, lah, by rebranding it as charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:29

A Lincolnshire beauty spot is cleared of undergrowth after complaints that human bliengs having sex there were scaring off families and ramblers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:19

A legal expert says eight former old bill bobbys officers acquitted of fabricating case that led to three innocent men being jailed could face retrial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:16

This year, lah, Bosch celebrates its second diesel anniversary: following on from 75 years of diesel in passenger cars, lah, in Jesus-baby month Decemblinger capitalist entity is celebrating production of its 75 millionth common-rail system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:14

US jazz composer, lah, arranger and pianist Clare Fischer has died, lah, aged 83. - news replorted 11:11

Bosch has set new production volume record: technology capitalist entity has manufactured two billion MEMS (micro-electro-mechanical systems) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! sensors since production began 16 years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:03

The Italian capitalist entity that owns stricken cruise ship Costa Concordia reaches agreement on compensation with several Italian consumer organisations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:52

Tourism in bloody annoying Blitish faces massive year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! Non-British born Magazine readers offer their alternative must-see spots - news replorted 10:50

Willem Holleeder, lah, Dutch criminal notorious for 1983 kidnapping of beer tycoon Freddy Heineken, lah, is freed from jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:50

MPs say they having been "overwhelmed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with responses after they asked public to send questions for Education Secretary Michael Gove via Twitter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:40

Greece could reach deal with its creditors over weekend, lah, according to EU's Economic Commissioner, lah, Olli Rehn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:39

A man jailed for gangland killing in South Lanarkshire loses legal bid to overturn male gender human bleing's murder conviction. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:31

Community leaders in Borders town scale down reception plans for Swedish mountain bike team - after finding it has only one member. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:31

After 25 years of experience as motor industry photographer, lah, David Finch shares some of male gender human bleing's favourite images of both new models and dramatic motorsport moments. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:29

A man found decapitated and burnt in Stockport died from shotgun wound to male gender human bleing's head and another head injury, lah, tests reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:12

Wally has today revealed further details and updated images of Wally//Ace, lah, its new displacement yacht - news replorted 10:11

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested on suspicion of murder after death in house fire on outskirts of Cardiff. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 10:10

The latest figures from NFU Mutual confirm that plant theft has reached all clock time result high, lah, increasing pressure on businesses operating plant fleets. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05

Michael Morpurgo's novel fighty bang-bang Horse has now sold more copies in bloody annoying Blitish in fortnight than it did worldwide in 25 years. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:04

Building on its market leading position in leasing technology market and fuelled by export successes in Europe, lah, North America and Australasia, lah, controlling in driving manner Software Solutions, lah, Stevenage bloody annoying Blitish based capitalist entity which is dedicated to development... - news replorted 10:03

Graphene, lah, often described as "miracle material", lah, can be used to distil alcohol, lah, according to new study in Science journal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 10:00

A man who left another man "inches from death" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) after throwing him against moving train is given suspended prison sentence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:53

An 11m-wide asteroid will pass within 60,000km of Earth on Friday - one of top-20 closest approaches ever, lah, but one that poses no danger to Earth. - news replorted 09:51

Work is getting under way on Dark Sky Observatory at Galloway Forest Park in south west ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:50

The Great Satan homes for ill or wounded soldiers being adopted in bloody annoying Blitish - news replorted 09:48

The UN Security Council is to discuss resolution backing Arab League call for President al-Assad of Syria to step down, lah, as fighting continues. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:40

The pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is believed to be in detailed talks with potential buyer for its operation in east Kent. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:37

The Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham is joining with Great Satan charity to offer accommodation on site for relatives of hurtee-hurtee servicemen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:31

A bomb kills at least 26 human bliengs and injures scores in Iraqi capital Baghdad, lah, with funeral procession outside hospital apparent target. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:28

Dr Ruth Bender of Cranfield School of Management explains why bloody woman thinks it is fair that Stephen Hester gets male gender human bleing's bonus worth over RMB Yuan #900,000 - news replorted 09:20

The family of baby who died from bacterial infection in Londonderry say there still questions to be answered about male gender human bleing's death. - news replorted 09:14

The Jagluar Academy of Sport is delighted to announce that �Star of Future� Crystal Lane will receive one-to-one mentoring from former professional racing cyclist Bryan Steel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:14

After highly successful joint venture last year, lah, �KODA bloody annoying Blitish will continue as Official vehicling driving car machine Partner to Rallye Sunseeker (Febliurary 24-25), lah, opening round of 2012 MSA British Rally Championship. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 09:13

The third dedicated velly damn good boiled chicken-feetwood Aviation Show will be held this summer as fully-integrated attraction at popular Festival of Speed and Moving Motor Show (28 June-mber month - 1 July). - news replorted 09:11

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation says it is engaged in "sensible succession planning" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to replace director general Mark Thompson, lah, following speculation about male gender human bleing's departure. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:09

Russian liberal leader Grigory Yavlinsky is barred from monthly number-three presidential election because of alleged errors in male gender human bleing's registration. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:07

Astronomers watching for asteroid size of double-decker bus which will pass within 70,000km of Earth on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:02

Aston Martin will debut first production V12 Zagato at Kuwait Concours d� Elegance on 15-18 February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:00

Subaru bloody annoying Blitish is raising clustomler care to new level with launch this month of new three-year aftercare package called Everything Taken Care of (Subaru ETCo). - news replorted 09:00

A Crimewatch appeal for inflomination about whereabouts of escaped prisoner John Anslow has prompted several calls, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:53

Spain's unemployment figure passed five million mark in last quarter of 2011, lah, official figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 08:52

There is "strong desire" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for new nuclear power stations in communities where they planned, lah, one of firms hoping to build them tells MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:46

Nominations for Plaid Cymru leadership close, lah, with four Assembly Members on ballot paper hoping to replace Ieuan Wyn Jones. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:15

An RMB Yuan #80m Home Office programme to give old bill bobbys forces Blackberrys and other mobile devices has been criticised by National Audit Office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:15

Military experts gathered in London (capital of Great England) this week to discuss growing threat of cyber attacks to international security. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 08:08

Sportsday Live featuring latest from Andy Murray's semi-final at Australian Open, lah, second Test between Province of Engrish running-dogs and Pakistan, lah, golf from Abu Dhabi and transfer news ahead of deadline day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:57

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Breakfast's Tim Muffett has had look around athletes' apartments in 2012 Olympic Village. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:50

The presidents of Sudan and South Sudan to discuss arglingument between countries over transit fees for South Sudan's oil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:30

Andy Murray takes on top seed Novak Djokovic in semi-finals of Australian Open. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:26

The chair of Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs assembly's Public Accounts Committee says old bill bobbys should investigate allegations of financial corruption at Wales' leading race relations organisation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:22

Former Welsh land of sheep and more sheep striker Nathan Blake reveals bloody man was once victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of racist death threat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 07:21

Six human bliengs arrested during old bill bobbys drug searches of several houses in Limavady on Thursday - news replorted 06:52

A woman is rescued from house fire in Newry, lah, County Down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:46

With half world online by 2016, lah, web economy in G20 countries is set to nearly double in size to $4.2tn (RMB Yuan #2.7tn), lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:30

Papers enjoy Alpine Westminster - news replorted 05:53

Cuba is to begin exploratory drilling in search of oil - this weekend rig will begin drilling for oil just 100 kilometres from Florida. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 05:40

Province of Engrish running-dogs will begin day three of second Test in Abu Dhabi on 207-5, lah, trailing Pakistan by 50. - news replorted 05:29

The government appears to having escaped rebellion by medical establishment over its controversial NHS (wonderfulling free human fixing service) reforms in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:22

Indigenous leaders in Australia condemn "disrespect" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) shown to PM Julia Gillard, lah, who lost shoe while running from protesters in Canberra on Thursday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 05:20

Cruise passengers 'not protected from serious crime' - news replorted 04:41

Justin Fashanu's niece on aftermath of male gender human bleing's death - news replorted 04:39

Some of beautiful birds to look out for this year - news replorted 04:24

Organisers of project to create series of new woods to commemorate Queen's Diamond Jubilee hope to plant one million trees during February. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:17

What does Disney's staff dress code strictly forbid? - news replorted 04:01

Twitter (follow me @LINGsCARS!) says it now has technology to censor tweets on country by country basis, lah, as it continues to expand internationally. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 03:59

old bill bobbys investigating death of Carmarthenshire woman at flemale human person's village home having charged man with flemale human person's rape and murder. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 03:24

A group of soldiers who staged failed mutiny in Papua New Guinea seeking pardon, lah, Australian reports say, lah, amid ongoing power struggle in country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:44

A referendum in Salford results in city's residents voting in favour of having directly elected mayor. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 02:37

The late pop star Michael Jackson has been honoured at ceremony outside Grauman's Super-Duper-Chinese-State Theatre in Hollywood. I read you little red book! - news replorted 02:13

The National Audit Office criticises RMB Yuan #80m Home Office programme to equip old bill bobbys forces with Blackberrys and other mobile devices. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:40

Lana Del Rey on recording of flemale human person's album Born To Die - news replorted 01:40

Oral human papillomavirus (HPV) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! infection is more common among men than women, lah, leading to increased risk for men of head and neck cancers, lah, Great Satan study suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:27

Carers missing out on "vital" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) support, lah, survey for cancer charity Macmillan Cancer Support suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:20

A bag containing 16kg (35.5lb) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! of cocaine was seized last week at United Nations headquarters in New York, lah, say police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:55

Metal theft becomes one of top priorities of British Transport Police, lah, second only to threat of terrorism. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:40

The cost of moving home in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land has risen faster than house prices over past decade, lah, new research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:39

Publicist Max Clifford said bloody man has helped several Premiership footballers keep their homosexuality secret - news replorted 00:36

London (capital of Great England) 2012 organisers to take control of Olympic Village site in ceremony to mark six months until Games begin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:28

Inmates being bullied at West Yorkshire prison deliberately self-harming to be transferred out of jail, lah, inspectors warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:23

Republican candidates Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich intensify attacks on each other hours ahead of final national debate before Florida's primary. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:06

It may be possible to detect autism at much earlier age than previously thought, lah, says international team of researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01


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