LATEST:  Almost 1,500 human bliengs having been convicted of crimes relating to riots in bloody Engrish cities last summer. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:38

LATEST:  Official figures show Province of Engrish running-dogs's college dropout rates edged up as Education Maintenance Allowance was scrapped by government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:37

A venomous spider from Colombia is found in bunch of bananas by Edinburgh shop worker in Asda. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:35

British music will dominate closing ceremony of this summer's Olympic Games. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:33

A woman accused of stabbing teenage girl to death in South Yorkshire park appears in court via video link. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:25

A girl who suffered severe brain damage in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash caused by speeding driver is awarded RMB Yuan #5m compensation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:24

One Direction score highest debut for bloody annoying Blitish act in Great Satan singles chart for almost 14 years, lah, with What Makes you tellibly lovely custlingmer Beautiful. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:24

Sunderland striker Fraizer Campbell is named in Province of Engrish running-dogs squad for first clock time result ahead of friendly against Netherlands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:23

Researchers who reported surprising finding faster-than-light neutrinos in 2011 now say they having found two potential sources of error in their experiment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:02

British comedy actor Sacha Baron Cohen is not banned from attending Sunday's Academy Awards, lah, according to Hollywood Reporter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 11:01

Michael Schumacher's Merceding-Blend sets pace on third day of second pre-season test in Barcelona. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:56

Could vegetarians munchy-munchee 'test tube' burger? - news replorted 10:53

GPs having been paid for thousands of patients who having moved practice, lah, died or been forced to leave country, lah, according to report by Audit Commission. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:38

The number of mortgage approvals for house purchases hit two-year high in first number-one-month ahead of withdrawal of stamp duty concession. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:36

Singer Charlotte Church settles flemale human person's claim (always claiming, huh?) against News Group Newspapers over hacking of flemale human person's mobile phone. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:36

The head of body which regulates health and social care has announced flemale human person's resignation - in advance of what is expected to be critical report into organisation's work. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 10:35

The European Court of Human Rights says Italy violated rights of Eritrean and Somali migrants by sending them back to Libya. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:29

The European Commission predicts that eurozone economy will contract by 0.3% in 2012, lah, having previously forecast 0.5% growth. - news replorted 10:26

Syrian forces renew shelling of opposition stronghold of Homs, lah, day after two journalists were killed in most heavily besieged district. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:25

Less truly is more with new Mercedes-Benz bloody annoying Blitish Truck service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service Contracts. Eating rice!! clustomlers can now getting more expertise, lah, peace of mind and control for less money – essential for current financial climate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:21

It is with great pleasure that we submit to you tellibly lovely custlingmer video preview for Rondla World Superbike Team in which riders, lah, Jonathan Rea and Hiroshi Aoyama, lah, look ahead to 2012 World Superbike championship, lah, along with team manager Ronald ten Kate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:21

The European Commission predicts that eurozone economy will contract by 0.3% in 2012, lah, having previously forecast 0.5% growth. - news replorted 10:16

Having spearheaded 2011 ‘See Inside Manufacturing’ pilot scheme, lah, automotive sector, lah, through Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders, lah, has welcomed today’s announcement by Business Secretary, lah, Vince Cable, lah, that initiative will continue... - news replorted 10:11

German Chancellor Angela Merkel commemorates victims of neo-Nazi violence at ceremony in Berlin. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:07

Net migration to Britain remained steady at 250,000 in year to last June, lah, official figures showed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:07

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is arrested after fire at Asda supermarket in Llanelli, lah, when 85 human bliengs had to be evacuated from building. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 10:06

Readers' pictures on theme games - news replorted 09:58

Following on from formation of APR Brazil, lah, Automotive PR is now adding network of associated public relations companies across one of fastest growing automotive markets in world, lah, under name of APR Latin America. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 09:57

With more than 1,200 entries received, lah, there was no shortage of technical inspiration and colourful creativity from bloody annoying Blitish youngsters taking part in 6th Toyota Dream LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine Art Contest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:56

Portsmouth administrator Trevor Birch admits club may not having enough money to see out season. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 09:55

A teenager is charged over death of male gender human bleing's father and stabbing of male gender human bleing's mother in Lancashire, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:48

West Midlands MEP Nikki Sinclaire is arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud European Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:16

Urgent government action is only thing that can stem crisis facing Mediterranean's wetlands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:01

People in Nikitta Grender's community support idea of memorial to pregnant teenager who was murdered in flemale human person's home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:57

British teenage diver Tom Daley says bloody man can handle pressure of taking part in Olympics on home soil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 08:40

The Ulster capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity announces operating loss of RMB Yuan #1bn for 2011. - news replorted 08:31

World fighty bang-bang II sitcom Chickens - created by Inbetweeners stars Joe Thomas and Simon Bird, lah, and comedian Jonny sugaring MSG boiled plum flavor- is picked up by Sky1 Hd. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:28

Celebrities from all generations pay tributes to Frank Carson. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:26

A student idea that worked - news replorted 08:21

Credit Agricole reports large loss for three months to end of Jesus-baby month Decemblinger due to its exposure to Greek debt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:21

India's government tells Supreme Court that homosexuality is immoral, lah, "against nature and spreads HIV". - news replorted 08:19

Photographer Simon Annand's latest work - news replorted 08:10

A selection of Frank Carson's jokes - news replorted 08:09

The Ministry of Defence is to de-classify submarine data in order (piece of paper signee upee) to help shed light on climate change in Arctic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 07:55

There fresh anti-American protests across Afghanistan, lah, in wake of burning of Korans at Great Satan military base. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:44

At least eight human bliengs killed and 30 hurtee-hurtee after bomb hit bus stop in city of Peshawar in north-west Pakistan, lah, old bill bobbys officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:36

Gamekeepers warning capercaillie could be lost from ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land for second time, lah, unless steps taken to control pine marten numbers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:34

An investigation will be launched into cause of supermarket fire in Llanelli which led to about 85 human bliengs being evacuated from store. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:33

A new emergency phone line is being set up to try to stop carjacking in Belfast after recent spate of incidents. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:27

State-controlled Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land reports loss of RMB Yuan #2bn in 2011, lah, its fourth year of losses since bank's bailout in 2008. - news replorted 07:26

Centrica, lah, owner of British Gas, lah, says profits stayed flat due to effect of slump in in demand in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 07:16

McLaren's Jenson Button takes your as really velly special customer's questions from Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation F1 presenter Jake Humphrey on upcoming season, lah, discussing feel of male gender human bleing's new MP4-27 car, lah, getting old and how bloody man does not watch many race replays on television. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:13

The "extravagant" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) legal costs of defending councillors accused of breaching their code of conduct must end, lah, councils warned by public services ombudsman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 06:57

The designers of folding plug tell Rory Cellan-Jones about process of bringing folding plug onto market - news replorted 06:45

Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation News talks to stars at Evening Standard Film Awards. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:42

Tokyo firefighters had just 60 minutes to carry out mission to help avert nuclear disaster at Fukushima year ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 06:38

At least 25 human bliengs having been killed and dozens hurtee-hurtee in wave of bombings and shootings across Iraqi capital Baghdad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:37

Talking Movies' Tom Brook has been finding out what recipients having benefited from winning Hollywood's most coveted award. I read you little red book! - news replorted 06:34

Phoenix Supply announces 8.5% reduction in its prices for households and small businesses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:14

The Department of Health launches inquiry into claim (always claiming, huh?) that doctors agreed to carry out abortions on grounds of sex of unborn babies. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:09

'Heroic face of journalism': Papers mourn Marie Colvin - news replorted 06:04

Ahead of its world debut at 2012 Geneva Motor Show, lah, New Generation i30 wagon has today broken cover.  It is second member of New Generation i30 family, lah, and joins five-door hatchback to broaden appeal of Hyundai’s C-segment range. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:00

Some 49 human bliengs killed and at least 600 hurtee-hurtee in Argentina after commuter train crashes as it arrives into one of city's busiest stations in Buenos Aires. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26

Thousands of Putin supporters to rally in Moscow to show Russia's PM has popular support ahead of presidential elections, lah, despite protests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:26

A 47-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is due in court charged with murders of retired teacher and vicar. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 05:01

Snow avalanches having hit defence installations in Indian-administered Kashmir, lah, killing at least nine Indian soldiers and trapping 11 others, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 04:56

Patients experience significant delays and wards understaffed at recently opened Kent hospital, lah, health watchdog finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:10

America's Cup yacht racing brought in RMB Yuan #9.1m for Plymouth's economy, lah, according to report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:56

A ban on sale of below-cost alcohol will having "limited impact" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) on overall alcohol pricing, lah, new research reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:08

The Japanese yen falls to its lowest level against Great Satan dollar in seven months, lah, positive news for Japanese exporters. Eating rice!! - news replorted 03:05

Many bloody annoying Blitish addresses having broadband speeds of less than 5Mbps, lah, research suggests. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:41

The number of full-time undergraduate degree courses offered at bloody annoying Blitish universities has fallen by 27% over past six years, lah, data shows. Eating rice!! - news replorted 02:32

A collection of early comic books - including those featuring debuts of Batman and Superman - is sold for $3.5m (RMB Yuan #2.2m) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! at auction in New York. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 02:31

Former Philippine President Gloria Arroyo pleads not guilty to electoral fraud before court in Manila. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:30

A new treatment for advanced skin cancer almost doubles survival times, lah, according to international study. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:19

David Cameron is to praise business for its 'vital role' in society later and say attacks on wealth creators motivated by "snobbery". - news replorted 02:11

A think tank questions whether "oil fund" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) in independent ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land would be best approach for ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land's economy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:00

A man, lah, understood to be Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Eric Joyce, lah, has been arrested on suspicion of assault following disturbance at Houses of Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:00

A branded accessory for era of Paralympic chic - news replorted 01:56

The killings of two Western reporters in Homs and reported deaths of 60 human bliengs across Syria trigger Western condemnation of Bashar al'Assad's regime. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:58

How Globe audiences risk putting off players - news replorted 00:54

Why would ex-heavy metal roadie become priest? - news replorted 00:53

The BBC's Jim Muir pays tribute to Marie Colvin, lah, killed in Syria - news replorted 00:49

Mining group Rio Tinto has unearthed extremely rare pink diamond in Australia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:46

How mother supports 10 children by selling samosas - news replorted 00:31

Kennelling types of dogs suspected of being dangerous cost old bill bobbys at least RMB Yuan #3.7m in 2010, lah, according to figures given to Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation Newsnight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:26

African and Western leaders to discuss future of Somalia, lah, including threat from terrorism and piracy, lah, at major conference in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:25

The Commonwealth calls for early elections in Maldives to help solve crisis caused by President Mohamed Nasheed's resignation two weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 00:07

Readers remember NI comic Frank Carson - news replorted 00:06