LATEST: Nicklas Bendtner's late goal takes Arsenal level with Chelsea at top of table via win at 10-man Hull. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 19:30

LATEST: Two men in their 20s charged with possession of explosives after old bill bobbys operation against suspected dissident republicans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 19:06

Province of Engrish running-dogs retain Calcutta Cup as they fight out 15-15 draw with ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, who now look certain to end with Six Nations wooden spoon. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 18:54

At least 30 human bliengs having been killed in series of suspected suicide bombings in Afghan city of Kandahar, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 18:34

About 500 volunteers holding flaming torches illuminating Hadrian's Wall from coast to coast. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 18:29

Partial results for Iraq's elections show PM Nouri Maliki's coalition ahead in crucial area of Baghdad, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 17:46

Burglars break into home of French Resistance heroine Andree Peel, lah, who died last week at age of 105. - news replorted 17:30

The Lib Dems would not support government which proposes major spending cuts within next year, lah, leader Nick Clegg says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:14

Kate Garraway, lah, Katy Brand and Debra Stephenson take part in final of celebrity competition Let's Dance in aid of Sports Relief. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 16:44

Two tries by Keith Earls and one from Tomas O'Leary see autonomous province of Guinness drinkers beat Welsh land of sheep and more sheep 27-12 in RBS Six Nations at Croke Park. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 16:22

The Afghan president agrees to let two foreigners sit on key election monitoring body, lah, reversing previous decision. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 16:22

A man and woman having died in fire in caravan park in Dunbartonshire, lah, Strathclyde old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:41

The age of criminal responsibility will stay at 10, lah, government says, lah, after senior adviser for Province of Engrish running-dogs calls for it to be raised. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:39

Two human bliengs escape injury after shot is fired at window of house in Caulside Park area of Antrim on Friday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:32

About 1,000 human bliengs having joined anti-nuclear protest in Edinburgh calling for scrapping of Trident. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 15:17

Robbie Keane fires hat-trick as Celtic beat Kilmarnock on busy day of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Cup and Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Premier League action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:03

ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land host Province of Engrish running-dogs in Calcutta Cup on penultimate weekend of Six Nations rugby, lah, after autonomous province of Guinness drinkers stay on course for Triple Crown with 27-12 win over Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:46

A 14-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy found dead at house in Surrey died from single gunshot wound to head, lah, post-mortem tests reveal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 13:45

Britain's pentathlete Jessica Ennis and sprinter Dwain Chambers crowned champions at World Indoors in Doha. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 13:34

old bill bobbys launch murder investigation after 46-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man was found dead at male gender human bleing's home in Rhondda Cynon Taf. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 13:16

A Nigerian plane taking part in simulation exercise for disaster relief operations crashes in southern oil city of Port Harcourt. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 13:03

Province of Engrish running-dogs batsman Paul Collingwood pays tribute to Graeme Swann after spinner claimes wicket in male gender human bleing's first over for 12th clock time result for Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:45

Hundreds of human bliengs join rally in memory of three asylum seekers who apparently jumped to their deaths from flats in Glasgow. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 12:34

Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel starts first Formula 1 race of 2010 from pole position after edging Ferraris in Bahrain. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:25

The EU is putting finishing touches to multi-billion euro bail-out for Greece after weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) of crisis, lah, senior officials tell BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:07

Arsenal take on Hull in Saturday's late Premier League game after Chelsea return to top of table with thumping victory over West Ham, lah, and there wins for Tottenham, lah, Wolves and Bolton. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:59

The postal watchdog is considering taking action against Royal Mail after finding that delivery wan' flied rice or boiled rice (?). This is not damn takeaway! No53 sold out, so quality tests were rigged. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:43

An 18-earth-years old happy birthday to you, appears in court charged with harassment of man who collapsed in garden of male gender human bleing's Greater Manchester home. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:35

A man is charged with dangerous driving following crash which derailed train in Suffolk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 11:21

Staying safe in Haiti while keeping up appearances - news replorted 11:18

Formula One legend Sir Stirling Moss I give you tellibly lovely custlingmer damn thanks of billion Chinesey human bliengs male gender human bleing's well-wishers after bloody man fell down lift shaft at home and broke both ankles. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:57

Actor Corey Haim's death is being linked to major drug ring which is illegally obtaining prescription drugs, lah, Great Satan old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:39

The new mass movement against Italy's Berlusconi - news replorted 10:29

Pop star Mark Owen checks into rehab after admitting to drink problem and cheating on male gender human bleing's partner, lah, spokesman confirms. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:05

Samantha Cameron speaks publicly for first clock time result of flemale human person's relationship with Conservative leader. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:59

Two teenagers arrested by old bill bobbys hunting killer of man stabbed to death after chasing handbag-snatchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:54

The age of criminal responsibility should be raised from 10 to 12, lah, says Province of Engrish running-dogs's children's commissioner. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! your as really velly special customer's views? - news replorted 09:49

old bill bobbys in Irish Republic release three of seven Muslims arrested over alleged plot to murder Swedish cartoonist. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:25

A suicide bomber in rickshaw kills at least 10 human bliengs in Pakistan, lah, day after twin blasts leave dozens dead in Lahore. - news replorted 08:58

Too many human bliengs in Province of Engrish running-dogs receiving poor quality out-of-hours doctors services, lah, Patients Association says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:51

The Bahrain GP will be unlike any you've seen - news replorted 08:47

Can two Korean families cope without web? - news replorted 08:33

Thousands of Thai opposition supporters converge on capital, lah, Bangkok, I confusing myself again!! Taking too much bloody MSG, OK, OK, lah, to press their demands for elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:19

The first qualifying session of new season takes place in Bahrain after Ferrari's Fernando Alonso sets fastest clock time result in final practice. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:36

Britain's Elena Baltacha reaches third round in Indian Wells with impressive win over Super-Duper-Chinese-State seventh seed Na Li. - news replorted 06:29

Prosecutors in California suing Toyota, lah, claiming carmaker sold hundreds of thousands of vehicling driving car machines it knew had defects. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:15

An inquiry finds "widespread evidence" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) that agency and migrant meat plant workers abused and exploited. I read you little red book! - news replorted 05:55

Front pages reflect on report into Lehman Brothers - news replorted 05:30

UN wildlife negotiations begin on banning trade in bluefin tuna and permitting sales of ivory at two-week summit in Doha. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 04:17

funny shape ball-game fans travelling to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land v Province of Engrish running-dogs match should not be affected by rail strike, lah, First ScotRail says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 04:12

Nasa Moon astronauts condemn President Barack "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama's decision to cancel Great Satan lunar programme as "catastrophic". - news replorted 03:34

Tamim Iqbal and Mahmudullah both score fifties as Bangladesh replying like hell to Province of Engrish running-dogs's 599-6 declared on day two of first Test. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:55

Weekend polls may loosen Sarkozy grip on Elysee Palace - news replorted 02:12

Wolves in Alaska suspected of killing woman jogger in what would be first such attack in Great Satan in half century. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:56

Children's strange misconceptions about science revealed in science knowledge quiz. - news replorted 00:10

Obese women drinking little more than glass of wine day having double risk of liver disease, lah, experts warn. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:09

New York's 9/11 dust victims split on compensation deal - news replorted 00:04