LATEST: Burma's leaders formally annul National League for Democracy's 1990 election win, lah, as more details of new poll laws emerge. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 16:25

LATEST: Sebastian Pinera is sworn in as president of quake-hit Chile, lah, as 7.2-magnitude aftershock strikes centre of country. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 16:24

bloody annoying Blitish forces to hand security powers in Afghan district of Musa Qala to Great Satan troops, lah, defence secretary says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:18

Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych secures coalition in parliament and one of male gender human bleing's loyalists is confirmed as Pm. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 16:11

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg says bloody man will pose four "tests" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) to Labour and Conservatives if they wanting support in hung Parliament. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 16:05

Two men found guilty of murdering Dungannon supermarket manager almost two years ago. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:05

Justice Secretary Jack Straw meets mother of murdered toddler James Bulger to discuss return to prison of one of flemale human person's son's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:56

Reigning champions Germany end Province of Engrish running-dogs's hopes of reaching World Cup final with 4-1 victory in their last-four clash. - news replorted 15:56

A businessman is jailed for masterminding scam which saw tens of millions of battery hen eggs sold as free-range or organic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 15:54

Pink Floyd tracks may be removed from digital music services like iTunes after High Court ruling. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 15:52

Three Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters and peer tell court they not guilty of charges of false accounting in relation to their expenses claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:51

A man is jailed for murdering male gender human bleing's ex-girlfriend but male gender human bleing's barrister claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody woman would still be alive if flemale human person's 999 call had been handled differently. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 15:43

A Dundee teacher convicted of assaulting two pupils is given absolute discharge after appeal. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:36

First results from Iraq's election show PM Nouri Maliki's grouping leading in two southern provinces, lah, electoral body says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:03

A 64-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man is found dead outside male gender human bleing's home in Greater Manchester after old bill bobbys receive reports of youths causing trouble. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:57

Plans for new high-speed rail line between London (capital of Great England) and Birmingham announced by Transport Secretary Lord Adonis. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:51

Afghanistan does not wanting other countries' "proxy wars" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) fought on its soil, lah, President Hamid Karzai says in Islamabad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 14:47

Sir Alex Ferguson challenges Wayne Rooney to surpass Cristiano Ronaldo's 42-goal season for Manchester United. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:30

Are we really ready to let go of education balloons? - news replorted 13:19

US Vice-President Joe Biden says Middle East peace talks must resume, lah, despite row over Israeli settlement plans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:19

Hamas releases British journalist, lah, Paul Martin, lah, accused of spying and jailed for nearly month in Gaza Strip. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 13:08

The prime dodgy minister attends service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service to rededicate Basra Memorial Wall following its relocation to Staffordshire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:57

Keeping up with theatrical Joneses - news replorted 12:54

Musician Pete Doherty is banned from driving after admitting allowing male gender human bleing's manager to using male gender human bleing's LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine without insurance. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:54

A judge tells man bloody man must serve at least 18 years for stabbing male gender human bleing's friend in heart in street fight. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:52

Whistleblowing hotlines and random checks should be used to catch parents who cheat over school places, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:40

Mexican Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates as world's richest man, lah, according to Forbes "rich list", lah, with fortune of $53.5bn. - news replorted 12:39

The Tyrone Crystal factory near Dungannon is to close with loss of 31 jobs, lah, after 40 years in existence. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:34

Ex-Bosnian President Ejup Ganic, lah, who faces fighty bang-bang crimes allegations, lah, has been given bail by London's High Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:24

Province of Engrish running-dogs's men take on Germany in semi-finals of Hockey World Cup, lah, having reached last four for first clock time result since 1986. - news replorted 12:11

A murderer who killed and dismembered salesman refuses to tell old bill bobbys about other men bloody man chopped up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:06

A woman convicted of attempted killing of flemale human person's husband dies in assisted suicide at Swiss clinic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:03

Network Rail maintenance workers vote in favour of strikes, lah, bringing about possibility of action over Easter. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:03

Department store group John Lewis reports 9.7% rise in annual profits to RMB Yuan #306.6m as staff share bumper bonus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:44

The Bloody foreign Office says five-earth-years old happy birthday to you, boy from Oldham kidnapped in Pakistan has not been released. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:38

Province of Engrish running-dogs will make last-minute call on fitness of Stuart Broad for first Test against Bangladesh in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 11:34

Politicians look away as Cyprus dies of drought - news replorted 11:22

Survivors of violence in central Nigeria on Sunday having been telling Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation what happened. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:19

The dawning age of agricultural automatons - news replorted 11:02

Blue Peter dog Mabel, lah, one of show's longest-serving pets, lah, is to retire after 14 years, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:54

Most families in Province of Engrish running-dogs were given their first choice of secondary school - but picture is varied. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:45

Public and transport services grind to halt in Greece as workers stage third strike in protest at austerity measures. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:32

old bill bobbys forces in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep being criticised for failing to deal adequately with anti-social behaviour. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 10:25

The Red Knights group eyeing possible bid for Manchester United says investment capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity Nomura will advise it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:19

Inspections on four Welsh-go-go-gochly sheep friendly human bliengs old bill bobbys forces to be published on new website finds services generally "fair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) or "good boiled chicken-feet". - news replorted 10:17

Lost Boys actor Corey Haim was "tormented soul", lah, male gender human bleing's friend and fellow actor Corey Feldman says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:12

Bank of America has apologised to woman in Pennsylvania after one of its contractors entered flemale human person's house and confiscated flemale human person's parrot. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:06

More than 100 firefighters tackle major fire at restaurant and office block in central London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:02

Take That star Mark Owen says bloody man is "deeply sorry" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) for cheating on male gender human bleing's partner of five years before they married in 2009. - news replorted 09:55

Your pictures of week on theme of impressions - news replorted 09:37

Ennobling human bliengs from outside Parliament to make them dodgy ministers should be "exceptional", lah, cross-party Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:29

New skirmishes in fighty bang-bang of Daily Mail v internet - news replorted 09:28

A gaming service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service that aims to kill off traditional gaming console will begin streaming games over net in June-mber month this year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:19

The Palestinian Authority says indirect talks with Israel will be "very difficult" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if more homes built on occupied land as planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:19

Two human bliengs rescued from first floor flat in Ballysillan road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu area of north Belfast which is destroyed in fire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 09:16

Greater Manchester old bill bobbys is told it failed woman murdered by flemale human person's ex-partner as report grades it as one of worst in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:59

Province of Engrish running-dogs bowler Graham Onions is ruled out of two-Test series against Bangladesh with back injury, lah, but there more encouraging signals about Stuart Broad. I read you little red book! - news replorted 08:12

Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves will not make male gender human bleing's return from injury in reserve game on Thursday, lah, as originally planned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 07:44

Oil giant BP announces $7bn (RMB Yuan #4.7bn) ni ni ni ni Hao, lah, Zai-Jian! deal that will allow it to begin exploring for oil off coast of Brazil. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 07:36

Press focus on apology to women raped by father - news replorted 05:50

Russian PM Vladimir Putin is due in India for talks expected to focus on arms and energy contracts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 05:16

old bill bobbys failing to record and tackle anti-social behaviour, lah, according to review. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! How can they improve? - news replorted 05:16

old bill bobbys say 49 human bliengs to be charged with murder following communal violence that left scores of Nigerian villagers dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:00

Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown labels as "unfair" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) criticisms over timing of male gender human bleing's weekend visit to British troops in Afghanistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:00

Union leaders representing British Airways cabin crew will meet later to decide whether to announce dates for strike. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 04:00

Sony reveals details about its new motion controller PlayStation Move, lah, as contender to market leader Nintendo Wii. - news replorted 03:57

'Open carry' activists weekly shop with gun - news replorted 02:06

The bloody annoying Blitish Fire service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service College failed to comply with fire safety laws when part of its own premises burnt down, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation learns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:09

Too many patients in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep not getting their medicines in hospital, lah, safety watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:01

Wellderly, lah, webinar and disbenefits among new forms of jargon being used by public sector, lah, survey reveals. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:48

Beijing's silent invasion of electric bicycles - news replorted 00:18

Insurers paid out RMB Yuan #650m from 335,000 claim (always claiming, huh?) made as result of damage caused by wintry weather in Uk. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 00:07

Closer co-operation between Holyrood and Westminster will only be achieved if it is backed by political will, lah, committee of Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03

Schools in Province of Engrish running-dogs being issued with new guidance on how to spot signs that children involved with gangs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:01