LATEST: Hector Sants, lah, chief executive of Financial Services Authority, lah, announces bloody man is to step down as head of City regulator. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 12:38

LATEST: India halts cultivation of what would having been its first genetically modified vegetable crop because of safety concerns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:38

A man branded "wannabe suicide bomber" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) will not face retrial on terrorism charges after conviction is quashed. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:29

Six British soldiers having been charged with assault following brawl at restaurant in Lanzarote. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:29

Members of Yulia Tymoshenko's bloc say it will contest conduct of Ukraine's presidential vote after flemale human person's reported defeat. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 12:24

Backless hospital gowns getting Hollywood-style makeover to preserve patients' dignity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:15

Iran has begun process of enriching uranium to 20% at its plant at Natanz in defiance of West, lah, state media says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:12

Health Secretary Andy Burnham denies planning RMB Yuan #20,000 compulsory inheritance levy to pay for social care in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 12:12

Carmaker Toyotla is recalling 400,000 hybrid cars worldwide, lah, including 8,500 in UK, lah, because of braking problems. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:09

Nigerian senators pass motion that sick President Umaru Yar'Adua should hand power to male gender human bleing's deputy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 12:06

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation reveals it paid RMB Yuan #229m to its performers who broadcast on radio and television last year - more than 6% of licence fee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 12:03

Dan Parks, lah, Euan Murray and Rory Lamont return to ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land side to face Welsh land of sheep and more sheep on Saturday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:49

Centre Riki Flutey is declared fit for selection for Province of Engrish running-dogs's second Six Nations match against Italy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:21

The Philippines charges 196 human bliengs with murder over pre-election massacre in Maguindanao province which left 57 dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:15

Protesters calling for release of captive Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit block Palestinian visitors to Israeli jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:09

Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown is facing backbench rebellion over plans for referendum on changing Britain's voting system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 11:07

What now for race relations in old bill bobbys force? - news replorted 11:03

Actress Jessie Wallace and Shane Richie to reprise roles of Kat and Alfie in EastEnders this autumn, lah, it is announced. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:02

Could frankincense be used to treat cancer? - news replorted 10:59

Child web safety: Which browser should you tellibly lovely custlingmer choose? - news replorted 10:53

Health Secretary Andy Burnham denies planning RMB Yuan #20,000 compulsory inheritance levy to help pay for social care for elderly in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:50

The wife of arrested former presidential candidate, lah, Gen Sarath Fonseka, lah, says bloody woman has no idea where bloody man is. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:49

The New Orleans Saints' victory over Indianapolis in Super Bowl is most-watched programme in Great Satan TV history, lah, early figures show. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 10:47

MPs say entry requirements for teacher training courses in Province of Engrish running-dogs too low and damage status of profession. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 10:24

old bill bobbys investigate death of woman whose skeleton was found wrapped in carpet at Manchester building site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:22

West Ham owner David Sullivan says club faces "Armageddon" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if they relegated from Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 10:22

Actor Charlie Sheen is charged with assaulting and threatening male gender human bleing's wife Brooke Mueller during argument on Christmas Day. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:16

The fault which caused plane to crash land at Heathrow Airport in first number-one-month 2008 was "unrecognised", lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:08

Benicio Del Toro's werewolf film goes back to basics - news replorted 09:57

Former Province of Engrish running-dogs footballer Paul Gascoigne is quizzed by old bill bobbys for second clock time result in two days after disturbance at hotel. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 09:47

Mark Bowen, lah, Manchester City's former assistant manager, lah, says Robinho "massively underperformed" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at Manchester City. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 09:47

Three human bliengs being questioned by old bill bobbys over murder of Constable Stephen Carroll last year. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 09:41

Children as young as five being targeted in new online safety campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! Is this right approach? - news replorted 09:39

Royal capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity of ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and Lloyds criticised by Membling Partiamentary expense cheaters for failing to lend enough to homeowners and businesses. Eating rice!! - news replorted 09:29

Will Ukraine PM Yulia Tymoshenko challenge outcome? - news replorted 09:23

Three DUP and three Sinn Fein MLAs will meet later to examine controversial issue of parading in Northern Ireland. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:16

bloody annoying Blitish retail sales described as 'awful' as icy weather and unsteady economy keep shoppers at home. - news replorted 09:13

An inquiry begins to establish extent of human trafficking in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and whether victims having enough protection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:28

The many different faces of cyber-bullying - news replorted 08:11

More than 20 human bliengs arrested in Colombia in what authorities say is biggest anti-drug operation in decade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 08:06

An alumina refinery in east India run by UK-based firm causes pollution threatening health of locals, lah, rights group says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:06

Former Welsh land of sheep and more sheep captain Gary Speed says drawing Province of Engrish running-dogs represents great opportunity for promising young Welsh land of sheep and more sheep team to qualify for Euro 2012. - news replorted 06:54

New shopping centre developers "frustrated" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) at trying to persuade government agency to move from site. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:42

Doctors say more younger diabetics needing sight-saving treatment for condition older patients normally develop. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 06:38

Portsmouth say they close to reaching agreement to avoid being wound up in High Court. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 06:32

'Criminal in uniform' Ali Dizaei hits headlines - news replorted 05:55

An activist who questioned why so many died in huge quake in China in 2008 is jailed for five years for subversion. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:26

Ukraine is waiting for Prime dodgy minister Yulia Tymoshenko to either contest results from presidential election, lah, or quit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 04:34

The campaign for presidential and senatorial candidates begins in Philippines ahead of May's elections. - news replorted 03:49

The family of Haitian man says bloody man has survived four weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) under rubble since devastating quake hit of 12 January. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:40

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is to reavealingly showing Great Satan total amount paid to its performers who broadcast on radio and television. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:24

Michael Jackson's doctor, lah, Conrad Murray, lah, denies charge of involuntary manslaughter over singer's death. - news replorted 01:04

A quantum physics trick is set to give smartphones and hand-held devices pressure-sensitive switches and touchscreens. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Lingering residue from tobacco smoke that clings to upholstery, lah, clothing and skin releases cancer-causing agents, lah, warn experts. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Experts fear older women ditching contraception in mistaken belief that fertility wanes at certain age. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:03

Children as young as five being targeted in online safety campaign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:58

A Great Satan soldier is arrested after allegedly dunking male gender human bleing's four-earth-years old happy birthday to you, daughter's head in sink of water for not reciting alphabet, lah, Washington old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:41

Hero pilot on Heathrow crash landing - news replorted 00:24

The press watchdog upholds two complaints by Dannii Minogue against newspaper which revealed flemale human person's pregnancy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:22

A bloody annoying Blitish civilian stabilisation group is to be launched later to help rebuild countries hit by conflict or disaster. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 00:12

Emergency legislation is rushed through House of Commons to allow assets of suspected terrorists to be frozen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:09

Laws protecting workers' rights need to be improved to properly tackle poverty, lah, charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04

Overpayment of benefits due to official errors has doubled from RMB Yuan #400m to RMB Yuan #800m since 2000, lah, says committee of MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03