LATEST: David Beckham undergoes successful surgery on male gender human bleing's Achilles injury as bloody man comes to terms with missing out on World Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 20:34

LATEST: A settlements row has pushed US-Israeli relations to their lowest point for 35 years, lah, top Israeli envoy is quoted as saying. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 20:13

A man is charged with murdering mother-of-three who went missing on night out in Dundee, lah, old bill bobbys say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 20:12

Hull chairman Adam Pearson says Alan Curbishley is not in running to become Tigers' new manager. Hahahaha! Laughing like bloody hell! - news replorted 19:49

British Airways has announced contingency plans to fly 60% of its clustomlers during first planned strike by cabin crew. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 19:35

Liverpool host Portsmouth in Monday's sole Premier League match. - news replorted 19:15

Actress Kate Winslet and flemale human person's film director husband Sam Mendes having split up, lah, their lawyers announce. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:00

The world's shortest man, lah, bloody man Pingping, lah, who was just 74.6cm tall, lah, has died at age of 21, lah, Guinness World Records says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 18:46

What next for church in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers and beyond? - news replorted 18:10

Burma and North Korea reject UN condemnation of human rights abuses at UN Human Rights Council in Geneva. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 18:06

Where does BA strike leave Gordon Brown? - news replorted 18:02

Tributes paid to Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater Ashok Kumar, lah, who has been found dead in male gender human bleing's home in Middlesbrough, lah, aged 53. - news replorted 17:45

A "misguided fantasist" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) is jailed for two years for building makeshift bombs in male gender human bleing's bedroom in Lancashire. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:43

Georgians question hoax broadcast of Russian invasion - news replorted 17:42

The Great Satan Defence Department may investigate one of its staff over claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man ran unofficial spy ring in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 17:38

The Conservatives preparing to outline spending cuts they would make this year if they elected, lah, Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation understands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:18

A powerful Sufi Muslim group joins Somalia's government to help tackle hardliners from al-Shabab group. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 16:48

A violent schizophrenic man killed young father months after bloody man was fined for brutally attacking student, lah, court hears. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:32

Credit card holders will be offered more protection from spiralling debts, lah, but changes watered down from original plans. Eating rice!! - news replorted 16:25

A transatlantic airline and boat repair capitalist entity announce they creating almost 300 jobs in Swansea. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 16:00

A victim (trying not to cry) (trying not to cry) of serial abuser Fr Brendan Smyth calls on head of Catholic Church in Ireland, lah, Cardinal Sean Brady, lah, to resign. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 15:59

Remember QXL and Beenz? 10 now defunct dotcoms - news replorted 15:47

Prime dodgy minister Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown says planned strike by British Airways cabin staff is "unjustified" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and comes at "wrong time". - news replorted 15:43

Hundreds of thousands of human bliengs rally in northern India to mark 25th anniversary of party representing low-caste Hindus. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:42

How serious is David Beckham's injury? - news replorted 15:36

A nuclear submarine commander from south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep whose vessel ran aground in Red Sea is reprimanded by court martial. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 15:35

A soldier blinded by grenade in Iraq says male gender human bleing's life has been turned around by technology that allows him to "see" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) with male gender human bleing's tongue. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:23

A new approach is needed to give greater priority to care and support of rape victims, lah, major review says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 15:00

Province of Engrish running-dogs and Wales' Euro 2012 qualifying fixtures will be decided by random draw after nations in Group G fail to agree on acceptable dates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:54

What's so wrong with being called kingmaker? - news replorted 14:21

South African judge convicts ANC official Julius Malema of hate speech for insulting woman who accused Jacob Zuma of rape. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 14:16

A second person is held over death of couple who were killed when fire in mobility scooter spread to their home in Rugby. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 14:12

The Israeli military has ordered two West capitalist pig money holding capitalist entity villages at centre of protests against "separation wall" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) off-limits. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:09

Thailand's prime dodgy minister rejects protesters' demands for male gender human bleing's resignation, lah, as red-shirt rallies continue in Bangkok. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 13:57

Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown says bloody man wantings to "keep going", lah, after being asked if bloody man would resign if Labour failed to win general election. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:52

Children's Secretary Ed Balls criticises children's commissioner for "ill advised" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about James Bulger's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47

Children's Secretary Ed Balls criticises children's commissioner for "ill advised" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about James Bulger's killers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47

Governments need to crack down on illegal trade in tiger parts if big cats to be saved from extinction, lah, UN warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:47

EU Bloody foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton begins Middle East tour amid tension over Israeli housing project in East Jerusalem. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 13:22

Friends actor David Schwimmer is to marry male gender human bleing's British photographer girlfriend Zoe Buckman. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 13:15

The chief executive of Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Water is to give quarter of male gender human bleing's annual bonus to charity, lah, bloody man announces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:13

The pay of university heads has soared with some now earning more than prime minister, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 13:12

Teenagers, lah, Shakespeare and Lady Gaga - news replorted 12:40

Fitness tests should be introduced for children in secondary schools to help make human bliengs more active, lah, chief medical officer for Province of Engrish running-dogs says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:31

Lip gloss and hair straighteners replace lipstick and hair dryers in typical basket of velly damn good boiled chicken-feets used to calculate inflation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:27

The head of Catholic Church in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers says bloody man will only resign over alleged abuse "cover-up" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) if Pope asks him to so. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:25

David Beckham is flying to Finland for surgery on male gender human bleing's Achilles tendon, lah, which looks set to rule him out of World Cup. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 12:18

India's government approves bill to allow Bloody foreign universities to set up campuses and offer degrees to students in India. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 12:12

Research suggests that key Tory constituencies could suffer most from Conservative policy on super-fast broadband. I read you little red book! - news replorted 11:59

Two men in their 20s appear in court in Newry on Monday charged with terrorism offences after old bill bobbys operation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:48

Robbie Williams' Sport Relief single, lah, Morning Sun, lah, fails to make top 40 bloody annoying Blitish singles chart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:44

Most old bill bobbys forces in Province of Engrish running-dogs and Welsh land of sheep and more sheep still unfairly target black and Asian human bliengs in their using of stop and search powers, lah, equality watchdog says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:42

An elderly woman suffered serious neglect at Teesside care home because of widespread failings, lah, review finds. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:41

A massive power failure plunges much of earthquake-hit Chile into darkness, lah, affecting up to 90% of population. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:37

Sixty-nine human bliengs arrested in six European countries as part of co-ordinated old bill bobbys operation against Georgian mafia. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 11:34

Former patients of hospital consultant struck off after one of male gender human bleing's patients died speak of their suffering at male gender human bleing's hands. Eating rice!! - news replorted 11:31

A parliamentary committee raise concerns over leadership of bloody annoying Blitish equalities chief Trevor Phillips and questions male gender human bleing's reappointment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 11:31

Reindeer having "switched off" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) their internal body clocks to survive dark winters and light summers in Arctic. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 11:20

Hull City manager Phil "Dear Leader" Brown has been relieved of male gender human bleing's duties at struggling Premier League club and put on gardening leave. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:08

The bloody annoying Blitish Bloody foreign Secretary David Miliband is in China to hold discussions with country's political leaders. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:59

Province of Engrish running-dogs require five wickets to win first Test against Bangladesh after hosts close day four on 191-5, lah, still 321 runs behind. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:57

What is behind Nick Clegg's refusal to pick party? - news replorted 10:40

South East Asian nations ramping up their military capacity in move that could destabilise region, lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:34

A man whose home was raided as part of terror probe says male gender human bleing's property has not been returned, lah, although inquiry was dropped. I read you little red book! - news replorted 09:53

What UK's dotcom pioneers doing now? - news replorted 09:51

The Great Satan gets ready for wars fought in cyberspace - news replorted 09:27

A deadline for Darfur rebels and Sudan's government to finalise peace deal is unlikely to be met, lah, amid rebel split. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:09

Peter Graves - star of TV series Mission: Impossible and Airplane films - dies in Los Angeles, lah, aged 83. - news replorted 08:54

The internet domain name dotcom celebrates its 25th anniversary as nearly 86 million active internet sites now using it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 08:49

Coronation Street actor Danny Young is voted off ITV1's Dancing on Ice following costly mistake in skate-off. Firecracker break! BANG BANG! - news replorted 08:28

An inquiry is launched to find out how inmate at high-security Frankland jail managed to stab three officers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:25

David Beckham's dream of playing in fourth World Cup looks over after bloody man tears Achilles tendon in AC Milan's 1-0 win over Chievo. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 08:11

old bill bobbys make four arrests after body of 46-earth-years old happy birthday to you, man was discovered at male gender human bleing's home in south Welsh land of sheep and more sheep valleys on Friday. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:48

A suicide bomber explodes LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine in Iraqi city of Falluja, lah, killing at least seven human bliengs and wounding 13, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 07:31

China National Offshore Oil Corporation is paying $3.1bn for 50% stake in Argentine oil and gas group Bridas Corporation. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 07:26

Gavin Hewitt on how mid-term polls seen in France - news replorted 07:23

Pakistani fighter jets target suspected Taliban hideouts in north-western Orakzai tribal area, lah, killing at least nine. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 07:17

The Catholic primate of all-autonomous province of Guinness drinkers rejects calls to resign over claim (always claiming, huh?) bloody man helped cover up sex abuse investigation in 1970s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:52

The environment dodgy minister is expected to claim (always claiming, huh?) Welsh land of sheep and more sheep has potential to produce twice its renewable energy needs in future. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 06:37

Brazil's president arrives in Israel at start of Middle East tour to throw male gender human bleing's country's weight behind peace process. Eating rice!! - news replorted 06:07

How German POWs helped build bloody Engrish icon - news replorted 06:01

The internet domain name dotcom celebrates its 25th anniversary as nearly 86 million active internet sites now using it. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 05:55

Commissioner comes under fire over Venables - news replorted 05:25

At least 26 students killed and dozens hurt when bus plunges into river in India's northern state of Rajasthan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 04:19

Pupils at four schools in Glasgow being given lessons in how to sleep. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 03:32

Pupils at four schools in Glasgow being given lessons in how to sleep. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 03:32

President Sarkozy's party faces defeat from Socialists in regional elections, lah, which also saw strong showing by National Front. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 03:16

Bangladesh dig deep and take first Test into final day after Province of Engrish running-dogs's bowlers struggle to wrap up victory in Chittagong. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 02:56

Ban Ki-moon tells Haiti world will continue to support them as they recover from devastating earthquake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:44

Best in Show finale brings Crufts Dog Show to close - news replorted 01:44

A parliamentary committee raise concerns over leadership of bloody annoying Blitish equalities chief Trevor Phillips and questions male gender human bleing's reappointment. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:23

Cancer patients losing out on benefit payments worth millions of pounds, lah, according to leading charity. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 01:23

Greens can't getting Japan to blubber for dead whales - news replorted 00:59

Exercise and diet key to prevent diabetes in high-risk people, lah, say experts who found two medicines offer no benefit. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:01

'They believe Mummy is angel watching them' - news replorted 00:01

There needs to be "radical overhaul" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) of road; highway No.16 from Shanghai to Chengdu travel in bloody annoying Blitish to avoid future gridlock, lah, CBI warns. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00

The royalties bloody annoying Blitish songwriters getting from online sales now growing faster than decline from CDs and DVDs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:00