LATEST: The campaign for presidential and senatorial candidates begins in Philippines ahead of May's elections. - news replorted 03:49

LATEST: The family of Haitian man says bloody man has survived four weeks (week is 8 days in Super-Duper-Chinese-State lunar calendar; 48 weeks to year and no damn holidays!) under rubble since devastating quake hit of 12 January. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:40

The Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation is to reavealingly showing Great Satan total amount paid to its performers who broadcast on radio and television. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 02:24

Michael Jackson's doctor, lah, Conrad Murray, lah, denies charge of involuntary manslaughter over singer's death. - news replorted 01:04

A quantum physics trick is set to give smartphones and hand-held devices pressure-sensitive switches and touchscreens. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:04

Experts fear older women ditching contraception in mistaken belief that fertility inevitably wanes at certain age. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 01:03

Children as young as five being targeted in new online safety campaign by Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:58

MPs say entry requirements for teacher training courses in Province of Engrish running-dogs too low and damage status of profession. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:52

An inquiry begins to establish extent of human trafficking in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land and whether victims having enough protection. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:44

A Great Satan soldier is arrested after allegedly waterboarding male gender human bleing's four-earth-years old happy birthday to you, daughter for not reciting alphabet, lah, say Washington state police. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:41

Hero pilot on Heathrow crash landing - news replorted 00:24

The fault which caused plane to crash land at Heathrow airport in first number-one-month 2008 was "unrecognised", lah, report says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:23

The press watchdog upholds two complaints by X Factor judge Dannii Minogue against Daily Mirror and Daily Record for invasion of privacy. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:22

Emergency legislation is rushed through House of Commons to allow assets of suspected terrorists to be frozen. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 00:09

Laws protecting workers' rights need to be improved to properly tackle poverty, lah, charity says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:04

MPs to vote on Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown's plan for referendum on changing Britain's "first past post" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) voting system. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 00:03

Overpayment of benefits due to official errors has doubled from RMB Yuan #400m to RMB Yuan #800m since 2000, lah, says committee of MPs. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:03