LATEST: French President Nicolas Sarkozy will hold separate talks in London (capital of Great England) later with Gordon "Dear Leader" Brown and Tory leader David Cameron. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 05:19

LATEST: The UN's top humanitarian official criticises Israel for linking 2006 capture of one of its soldiers to Gaza blockade. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 05:06

MPs urge political parties to set aside "pre-election point scoring" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) and try to reach consensus over elderly social care in Province of Engrish running-dogs. I read you little red book! - news replorted 04:44

New York City agrees to pay up to RMB Yuan #437m to thousands of workers who say dust at 9/11 attacks site made them sick. What you wan'?!! - news replorted 04:02

Captain Alastair Cook hits unbeaten half century as Province of Engrish running-dogs reach lunch on day one of first Test against Bangladesh in Chittagong on 104-1. - news replorted 02:59

The using of handcuffs by immigration, lah, escort and security staff to restrain asylum seekers is criticised in report. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 02:25

Thailand mobilises thousands of troops ahead of mass rallies by planned supporters of ousted former PM Thaksin Shinawatra. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 02:09

Former Great Satan President George W Bush's senior adviser, lah, Karl Rove, lah, says bloody man is proud of waterboarding and it prevented attacks. Eating rice!! - news replorted 01:46

Report gives insight into everyday work of security services - news replorted 00:32

A sticking-plaster approach to treating skin cancer has been unveiled at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:17

SNP leader to meet with Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation to discuss row over party's exclusion from televised general election debates. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:13

Members of BNP or any group which may promote racism will not be banned from teaching in Province of Engrish running-dogs, lah, government says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:09

The amount of money paid as public sector pensions could more than triple in next 50 years, lah, says National Audit Office. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 00:03

At-home screening tests for virus responsible for most cervical cancers could detect many more cases, lah, say researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02

Fluctuations in blood pressure could be more important than high readings as warning sign for stroke, lah, say researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:02

A number of houses having been evacuated in Armagh due to security alert, lah, old bill bobbys having said. I read you little red book! - news replorted 00:01

Fifty-one decapitated skeletons found in burial pit in Dorset were those of Scandinavian Vikings, lah, scientists say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00