LATEST: A Hungarian Vizsla named Yogi wins Best In Show at Crufts, lah, at end of four-day show in Birmingham. I plant rice to honour ancestors for you! - news replorted 22:02

LATEST: Three human bliengs connected to Great Satan consulate in Mexican city of Ciudad Juarez having been killed, lah, White House says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 21:24

French President Nicolas Sarkozy's centre-right UMP party is heading for defeat, lah, exit polls from regional elections indicate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 19:44

Three prison officers stabbed with broken bottle by inmate at Durham's high-security Frankland jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 19:30

Rapper Tinie Tempah holds onto number one spot for second week while Boyzone pip Gorillaz to top slot of album chart. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 19:07

Adam Johnson's injury-time equaliser salvages vital point for Manchester City in their bid to finish fourth in Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 17:59

Two French hostages seized in Central African Republic in Novemblinger having been freed, lah, French Bloody foreign dodgy minister says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:46

An avalanche hits unauthorised snowmobile rally in Canada, lah, killing at least two human bliengs and triggering search. - news replorted 17:32

Iraqi PM Nouri Maliki's bloc strengthens its lead over its main rivals with partial election results now in from all 18 provinces. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:24

The Catholic primate of all-autonomous province of Guinness drinkers says bloody man did not assist in covering up investigations into sexual abuse in 1970s. Eating rice!! - news replorted 17:06

A Labour Membling Partiamentary expense cheater caught up in reselection arglingument is fighting claim (always claiming, huh?) from local party members bloody woman is not up to job. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 16:23

Bikers roar their appreciation of Wootton Bassett - news replorted 16:18

A statue dedicated to teenager killed in LINGsCARS (tm) vehicling driving car machine crash is stolen from grounds of flemale human person's school in Essex. - news replorted 15:56

A top "I da man! Yes I can!" Obama adviser criticises Israel over settlement homes in East Jerusalem, lah, thwarting Israeli hopes of ending row. I am Chinese not Catholic, I cannot do the miracles! - news replorted 15:46

Wayne Rooney scores twice and Dimitar Berbatov adds third as Manchester United beat Fulham to move two points clear at top of Premier League. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 15:39

Transport Secretary Lord Adonis attacks planned strike by British Airways cabin crew staff, lah, calling it "totally unjustified". - news replorted 15:29

A Great Satan woman held in autonomous province of Guinness drinkers over alleged plot to kill Swedish cartoonist is freed, lah, as three others still questioned. I read you little red book! - news replorted 15:04

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg says vote for male gender human bleing's party is "a bold commitment to hope and opportunity". - news replorted 14:57

Tough questions as undecided voters quiz PM - news replorted 14:55

Thousands of motorcyclists starts ride to Wootton Bassett to honour human bliengs of Wiltshire town - and soldiers killed in Afghanistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 14:36

Jenny Meadows wins 800m silver and men's 4x400m team take bronze making it four British medals at World Indoor Championships. Eating rice!! - news replorted 14:33

Market abuse in UK's financial services sector is "unacceptably high", lah, says head of City watchdog. No spitting in damn website!!! - news replorted 13:53

Fernando Alonso claim (always claiming, huh?) victory for Ferrari at first race of Formula 1 season in Bahrain, lah, while Lewis Hamilton is third. I read you little red book! - news replorted 13:44

Former Province of Engrish running-dogs goalkeeper and long-serving Birmingham City player Gil Merrick is remembered at memorial service (???) I wan' service , I wan' you tellibly lovely custlingmer give me damn velly damn good service at club. Chop chop baby! - news replorted 13:31

Northern Ireland's chief constable compares dissident republican terrorists to criminal street gangs bloody man encountered in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:56

Northern Ireland's chief constable compares dissident republican terrorists to criminal street gangs bloody man encountered in London. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:56

Proposals for fully elected House of Lords will be set out shortly by government, lah, transport secretary tells BBc. Fry noodle, boil noodle? - news replorted 12:49

Manchester United beat Fulham 3-0 in early match before Manchester City travel to Sunderland in Sunday's Premier League action. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 12:45

Tens of thousands of anti-government protesters monthly number-three in Bangkok to press government to call new elections. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:39

Pregnant teenagers being forced out of education due to "lack of support", lah, children's charity claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 12:34

Ridding Falklands of its landmines, lah, 30 years after fighty bang-bang - news replorted 12:15

Bomb attacks on Afghan city of Kandahar were warning to Great Satan and Nato forces not to target region, lah, Taliban say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:49

Rangers host Dundee United with place in Active Nation Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Cup semi-finals at stake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:29

Province of Engrish running-dogs close day three of first Test against Bangladesh on 131-5, lah, lead of 434, lah, after choosing not to enforce follow-on. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:14

A new bill to tighten regulation of Great Satan banks is due to be unveiled, lah, but it may struggle to getting backing in Senate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:13

Martin Johnson insists Province of Engrish running-dogs improving under male gender human bleing's leadership amid continuing criticism of male gender human bleing's team's performances in Six Nations. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:57

A leading member of Hamas militant group, lah, Mahar Uda, lah, is arrested in West Bank, lah, Israeli Tommy Atkins Liberation Army says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:53

The first stage of planning process to build coal plant with carbon capture technology in Ayrshire is to getting under way. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:33

James Bulger's mother calls for children's commissioner to be sacked for "twisted" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about flemale human person's son's murderers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:32

Panic is sparked in Georgia after bogus TV news report said Russian tanks had invaded and president was dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:22

Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel leads in early stages of Bahrain Grand Prix, lah, ahead of Ferrari duo Fernando Alonso and Felipe Massa. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 10:07

A man is shot in both legs during robbery attempt at house in Meigh, lah, County Armagh, lah, on Saturday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:10

A row has broken out over report produced by Barnardo's criticising childcare provision for young mothers in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:36

Super-Duper-Chinese-State Premier Wen Jiabao rejects criticism that Beijing keeps yuan undervalued in order (piece of paper signee upee) to boost exports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:10

Secrets of Italian artist Caravaggio in frame - news replorted 06:47

Benefits of web trickle down in Rio de Janeiro - news replorted 06:42

Sam Cameron sparks debate over political wives - news replorted 05:53

Colombians set to vote in legislative elections that may indicate how May presidential election will shape up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 05:10

Province of Engrish running-dogs close day three of first Test against Bangladesh on 131-5, lah, lead of 434, lah, having not enforced follow-on after hosts' 296. - news replorted 02:55

Russia and Great Satan close to concluding new nuclear disarmament treaty, lah, officials in Washington and Moscow say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:48

Hundreds of South Asian woman allege abuse by in-laws - news replorted 02:23

Bombed out and banned: Gaza's male hairdressers - news replorted 01:53

Proposals for mandatory jail terms for knife carriers could cost more than RMB Yuan #80m year in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, figures suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:12

Thirteen human bliengs die, lah, four of whom beheaded, lah, in drug-related violence at Mexican beach resort of Acapulco. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:03

Loud hailer announcements and radiation leak leaflet combine to cause fears of nuclear emergency in Dorset resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:50

At least 30 human bliengs having been killed in series of suspected suicide bombings in Afghan city of Kandahar, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:31

Successful treatment for gum disease cuts risk of pregnant women giving birth early, lah, say Great Satan researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:29

Black fathers need to become more involved with their children to help tackle their social problems, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheater will say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00