LATEST: Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg says vote for male gender human bleing's party is "a bold commitment to hope and opportunity". - news replorted 12:12

LATEST: Transport Secretary Lord Adonis attacks planned strike by British Airways cabin crew staff, lah, calling it "totally unjustified". - news replorted 11:58

Bomb attacks on Afghan city of Kandahar were warning to Great Satan and Nato forces not to target region, lah, Taliban say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 11:49

Three prison officers stabbed with broken bottle by inmate at Durham's high-security Frankland jail. You understanning yet? Paying more attention! - news replorted 11:46

Thousands of motorcyclists starts ride to Wootton Bassett to honour human bliengs of Wiltshire town - and soldiers killed in Afghanistan. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:38

Rangers host Dundee United with place in Active Nation Scotch tight ethnic human bliengs Cup semi-finals at stake. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:29

Province of Engrish running-dogs close day three of first Test against Bangladesh on 131-5, lah, lead of 434, lah, after choosing not to enforce follow-on. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 11:14

A new bill to tighten regulation of Great Satan banks is due to be unveiled, lah, but it may struggle to getting backing in Senate. What the hell I mean??!! - news replorted 11:13

A leading member of Hamas militant group, lah, Mahar Uda, lah, is arrested in West Bank, lah, Israeli Tommy Atkins Liberation Army says. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:53

The first stage of planning process to build coal plant with carbon capture technology in Ayrshire is to getting under way. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 10:33

James Bulger's mother calls for children's commissioner to be sacked for "twisted" (Ai-yaa!!! Bloody Bloardcasting Corporation quotee-quotee!) written-down messages on dead tree about flemale human person's son's murderers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 10:32

France holds regional elections that expected to reflect disenchantment with President Sarkozy's government. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 10:27

Panic is sparked in Georgia after bogus TV news report said Russian tanks had invaded and president was dead. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:22

Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel is in pole position for Bahrain Grand Prix, lah, with Felipe Massa and Fernando Alonso just behind. I read you little red book! - news replorted 10:07

A man is shot in both legs during robbery attempt at house in Meigh, lah, County Armagh, lah, on Saturday night. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 09:10

Tens of thousands of anti-government protesters monthly number-three in Bangkok to press Thai government to step down. Sweet sour chicken feet time! - news replorted 08:50

A row has broken out over report produced by Barnardo's criticising childcare provision for young mothers in Wales. Eating rice!! - news replorted 08:36

Super-Duper-Chinese-State Premier Wen Jiabao rejects criticism that Beijing keeps yuan undervalued in order (piece of paper signee upee) to boost exports. Eating rice!! - news replorted 07:10

Secrets of Italian artist Caravaggio in frame - news replorted 06:47

Benefits of web trickle down in Rio de Janeiro - news replorted 06:42

Sam Cameron sparks debate over political wives - news replorted 05:53

Colombians set to vote in legislative elections that may indicate how May presidential election will shape up. Do you carefully listening? - news replorted 05:10

Province of Engrish running-dogs close day three of first Test against Bangladesh on 131-5, lah, lead of 434, lah, having not enforced follow-on after hosts' 296. - news replorted 02:55

Russia and Great Satan close to concluding new nuclear disarmament treaty, lah, officials in Washington and Moscow say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 02:48

Hundreds of South Asian woman allege abuse by in-laws - news replorted 02:23

Bombed out and banned: Gaza's male hairdressers - news replorted 01:53

Tough questions as undecided voters quiz PM - news replorted 01:41

Proposals for mandatory jail terms for knife carriers could cost more than RMB Yuan #80m year in ethnic minority Scottish-fried-Mars-bar-land, lah, figures suggest. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 01:12

Thirteen human bliengs die, lah, four of whom beheaded, lah, in drug-related violence at Mexican beach resort of Acapulco. Ai-yaa!!! - news replorted 01:03

Loud hailer announcements and leaflet combine to cause fears of nuclear emergency in Dorset resort. Pass chopsticks!! - news replorted 00:50

At least 30 human bliengs having been killed in series of suspected suicide bombings in Afghan city of Kandahar, lah, officials say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:31

Successful treatment for gum disease cuts risk of pregnant women giving birth early, lah, say Great Satan researchers. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:29

Pregnant teenagers being forced out of education due to "lack of support", lah, children's charity claims. Eating rice!! - news replorted 00:12

Black fathers need to become more involved with their children to help tackle their social problems, lah, Membling Partiamentary expense cheater will say. You give me happy happy luck luck. - news replorted 00:00